View Full Version : Why do you ask customers personal questions??
bem401
01-25-2012, 03:38 PM
Good...I'm glad you ask questions bem because I would hate for you to be uncomfortable in front of them...as in parents.
It has nothing to do with me being comfortable but rather with the girl being comfortable if certain questions start being asked. It strictly has to do with what the parents are aware of if and when I happen across them. I've been told everything from "tell them you know me from the gym" to "tell them you tutored me" to "don't tell them you saw me here" to "don't tell them we even know each other". On top of that, RI is a small place, its not at all unusual to encounter people all over the place.
unbeleavable
01-25-2012, 03:46 PM
Sounds to me like you have a lot of Acquaintances that have daughters that strip.
bem401
01-25-2012, 03:54 PM
Not really, but I've met or already knew the parents of a half dozen or so dancers. If that constitutes a lot, so be it.
unbeleavable
01-25-2012, 04:08 PM
So comfort was on your mind for her...thank you
yoda57us
01-25-2012, 05:45 PM
When the first half of anyone's comment makes it clear they are setting the record straight they're not involved in a particular activity, it can be perceived as defensive. Apparently, I read (or misread) your comment that way. This discussion is becoming pointless.
Nothing I said was "setting the record straight" Bem since I wasn't being accused of anything. As I said, I was merely relating my experiences as they applied to your post. As soon as you stop trying to fabricate a situation that never existed the discussion will end. I have no doubt of what you may think I was saying but I wasn't. Get over it and move on...
camille27
01-25-2012, 09:33 PM
so this is one of those "you have shitty social skills" things. the last time someone asked me this, they were escorted out of the club in tears by management. the customer may or may not have slipped and fell on the way out. i think i was in a fighting mood that day and mgmt was trying to prevent A Situation, but this is a stupid fucking question, and people get tossed out of my club for way less.
I have, on occasion, asked a dancer if her folks knew she was a stripper. Not poInt blank, but inquisitively and only when the a certain rapport as developed. I Sometimes I hear a"oh God, no!", to a "yes, but they are dealing with it". There is nonjudgmental,ent on my part (I am in the strip club myself after all)
rickdugan
01-26-2012, 02:46 PM
I go to a SC to have a 20 something girl on my lap and cheer me up......You dont do that if you keep asking me if im single, what my longest relationship was, how old I am, if I have kids. Telling me that youre single is not going to get me to spend any more money on you.......it might work against you as I would assume youre just making that up trying to create a connection.
Just keep dancing, smile, start conversations and stay away from personal questions and ill keep spending. :)
A little hypersensitive, no?
It is natural human instinct to want to know something about people with whom we interact. And yes, a girl may very well want to know more about a guy so that she can target her approach more, but so what?
Idk, but I'm not sure why one would feel so defensive about such simple get-to-know-you types of questions. My comment also applies to some of the girls who react badly to these types of questions. We are all human beings and the services that are being provided are somewhat personal in nature. IMHO it is perfectly natural for guys and girls to know a bit more about each other before they are in up close and personal situations.
Now there are certainly guys who prefer their girls to be young, hot and mute, but IME those are the exceptions rather than the norm. And there are plenty of girls out there who prefer to be completely replaceable hot widgets rather than to take the time to build connections, but IME those girls tend to have a short life span in any particular club for a lot of reasons.
Anyway, just my :twocents:
cherryblossomsinspring
01-26-2012, 04:12 PM
I have, on occasion, asked a dancer if her folks knew she was a stripper. Not poInt blank, but inquisitively and only when the a certain rapport as developed. I Sometimes I hear a"oh God, no!", to a "yes, but they are dealing with it". There is nonjudgmental,ent on my part (I am in the strip club myself after all)
I often wondered what would be the point in asking this? Cam models get this question too and it's typically from the guys that don't have any money to spend. It's almost as bad as asking " so does you wife/ gf know you're here or do you kids know their daddy goes to strip clubs". I usually respond back with a similar question which leaves a not so nice taste in their mouth. I did say it back once " do your parents know you're here" and the guy said they were dead. Umm yeah I'm so turned on now...:-X
Asking any sex worker this question would bring an instant sour mood to the vibe because who really wants to think about their parents while naked? Who wants to even hear" oh God no" or " they are dealing with it" which is automatically showing that it something their parents either A. wouldn't be proud of or B. are already upset about it. Now why would someone want to bring this to the dancer's attention at any moment?
Do people actually think about their parents during an LD? Sounds a tad kinky there.
Vyanka
01-26-2012, 04:20 PM
I often wondered what would be the point in asking this? Cam models get this question too and it's typically from the guys that don't have any money to spend. It's almost as bad as asking " so does you wife/ gf know you're here or do you kids know their daddy goes to strip clubs". I usually respond back with a similar question which leaves a not so nice taste in their mouth. I did say it back once " do your parents know you're here" and the guy said they were dead. Umm yeah I'm so turned on now...:-X
Asking any sex worker this question would bring an instant sour mood to the vibe because who really wants to think about their parents while naked? Who wants to even hear" oh God no" or " they are dealing with it" which is automatically showing that it something their parents either A. wouldn't be proud of or B. are already upset about it. Now why would someone want to bring this to the dancer's attention at any moment?
Do people actually think about their parents during an LD? Sounds a tad kinky there.
Yeah, that is just as bas as asking us what is our real name & why do we use fake names instead of real names. I hate that shit too. If someone asks me for my real name, he is getting another fake name.
ITC i'm a fake character, not *insert real birth name here*. I had some asshole offer me a drink then told me he wont buy it until I gave him my name. I told him to go fuck himself and walked away. Rude as hell customer too.
cherryblossomsinspring
01-26-2012, 04:58 PM
^ That's annoying!!! I got some 75 year old guy ask me in private What's your real name. I just repeated the name right on the screen name. He got all flustered like he was going to have a damn heat attack and later typed in his phone number. When I told him I couldn't call him , he was like " no one will know". Umm yeah grand-paps they know now since you just typed that in the chat. They do have access to all typed chats. He got flustered again and frustrated in that visually cranky way.
I could have sworn the guy was rocking socks that had straps to hold them up. Wow really? Did I even need to see that fucking invention?? But he wants to take care of me yet can't afford socks that stay up on their own? Ooooooh kayyyy.
It's basically another guy wanting to feel like he has one up on the last customer. Guys try that in free chat. Searching for any type of person information to feel they "know you" better than everyone else.
Aurora_Sunset
01-26-2012, 09:03 PM
I often wondered what would be the point in asking this? Cam models get this question too and it's typically from the guys that don't have any money to spend. It's almost as bad as asking " so does you wife/ gf know you're here or do you kids know their daddy goes to strip clubs". I usually respond back with a similar question which leaves a not so nice taste in their mouth. I did say it back once " do your parents know you're here" and the guy said they were dead. Umm yeah I'm so turned on now...:-X
Asking any sex worker this question would bring an instant sour mood to the vibe because who really wants to think about their parents while naked? Who wants to even hear" oh God no" or " they are dealing with it" which is automatically showing that it something their parents either A. wouldn't be proud of or B. are already upset about it. Now why would someone want to bring this to the dancer's attention at any moment?
Do people actually think about their parents during an LD? Sounds a tad kinky there.
I think it's one of those "scandalous" types of feelings. Asking if our parents know is in the same vein as asking "what does your bf think about you doing this?" I think some customers just get a weird kick out of the idea that strippers lead double lives. They can't wrap their head around their gf or daughter doing something in the sex industry, so it's just fascinating to them to make this perverse little connection between the stripper in the SC and the stripper being just a regular person OTC with loved ones who may not know what they do.
Or maybe they just have no social skills and think it's appropriate to bring up the fact that we're doing a socially stigmatized job that a lot of parents and partners wouldn't be ok with.... mmm yeah, baby, let talk more about me being a social pariah - SEXY!
kristy11
01-26-2012, 09:27 PM
I go to a SC to have a 20 something girl on my lap and cheer me up......You dont do that if you keep asking me if im single, what my longest relationship was, how old I am, if I have kids. Telling me that youre single is not going to get me to spend any more money on you.......it might work against you as I would assume youre just making that up trying to create a connection.
Just keep dancing, smile, start conversations and stay away from personal questions and ill keep spending. :)
You're reading waaaaaaaaaaay to much into her questions.
My advice, have some fun and answer her questions with totally bogus answers.
Kessler
01-27-2012, 03:54 AM
Bem, I'm actually part of the small percentage of guys who will tip for time. It's definitely not common, but with the right dancer, it happens. Why? It's a simple answer with not so simple meanings. Basically, there's a smoking hot, semi-naked girl sitting in front of me who's not only friendly and intelligent, but she can take care of herself. I can go out tonight and find a brainless one-night stand and not have nearly as much fun as merely enjoying that dancer's company. There's also no guilt or BS of feeling the need to call/email or vice-versa the next day. In the club, it's simple - flirt, look, laugh, pay, go home guiltless. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but that's my idea of a great time. If a dance is thrown in there, fantastic, but sometimes I don't need it.
I enjoy truly beautiful women and I enjoy genuinely cool, intelligent people. In life, let alone in the club, they don't always go together. So when I do find that combo in a dancer, and I genuinely enjoy her company, I'm more than happy to pay, especially since I know how valuable her time is.
bem401
01-27-2012, 06:24 AM
Bem, I'm actually part of the small percentage of guys who will tip for time. It's definitely not common, but with the right dancer, it happens. Why? It's a simple answer with not so simple meanings. Basically, there's a smoking hot, semi-naked girl sitting in front of me who's not only friendly and intelligent, but she can take care of herself. I can go out tonight and find a brainless one-night stand and not have nearly as much fun as merely enjoying that dancer's company. There's also no guilt or BS of feeling the need to call/email or vice-versa the next day. In the club, it's simple - flirt, look, laugh, pay, go home guiltless. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but that's my idea of a great time. If a dance is thrown in there, fantastic, but sometimes I don't need it.
I enjoy truly beautiful women and I enjoy genuinely cool, intelligent people. In life, let alone in the club, they don't always go together. So when I do find that combo in a dancer, and I genuinely enjoy her company, I'm more than happy to pay, especially since I know how valuable her time is.
"Tipping for time" in a SC was not what I was commenting on. My comments were more directed at hiring an escort at hundreds per hour with no sex involved, in other words, paying for time at an agreed upon rate.. Dancers (and escorts too, obviously) deserve to be compensated for any time monopolized by one customer, regardless of what activities they engage in). There have been occasions where I have tipped generously, bought dinner, or paid the house fee for a dancer friend who happened to spend significant time with me but none of this was expected by either party. In the case of both dancers and escorts, Personally, I can't fathom paying a dancer's per-dance rate, or an escort's hourly rate for just hanging out, but everybody ought to do what works for them.
lestat1
01-27-2012, 09:16 AM
Pfft. They ask me personal questions because I'm so funny and charming that they want to get to know me better. I mean, what else could it possibly be? :D
yoda57us
01-27-2012, 09:25 AM
Pfft. They ask me personal questions because I'm so funny and charming that they want to get to know me better. I mean, what else could it possibly be? :D
No doubt about it Stat, it's a burden that some of us must bear...
Sophia_Starina
01-27-2012, 01:24 PM
I go to a SC to have a 20 something girl on my lap and cheer me up......You dont do that if you keep asking me if im single, what my longest relationship was, how old I am, if I have kids. Telling me that youre single is not going to get me to spend any more money on you.......it might work against you as I would assume youre just making that up trying to create a connection.
Just keep dancing, smile, start conversations and stay away from personal questions and ill keep spending. :)
First of all, I am on your side. I don't think personal conversations belong in the club environment.
I have no idea why customers ask me what school I attend, how old I am, if I have a boyfriend, and oh yeah the #1 Question --- my real name. Grrr.
But I can tell you, as a stripper that committed the majority of my stripping etiquette faux-pas during the ages of 18-21, you can't place too many expectations to a girl around that age (or any age depending on her experience level).
In all honesty when I did go down Personal Conversation Road it was because my brain was desperately searching for something (anything) to talk about and I said/asked something dumb.
Man-Up and steer the conversation towards a lighter topic, she'll get the hint.
Kessler
01-28-2012, 03:08 AM
"Tipping for time" in a SC was not what I was commenting on. My comments were more directed at hiring an escort at hundreds per hour with no sex involved, in other words, paying for time at an agreed upon rate.. Dancers (and escorts too, obviously) deserve to be compensated for any time monopolized by one customer, regardless of what activities they engage in). There have been occasions where I have tipped generously, bought dinner, or paid the house fee for a dancer friend who happened to spend significant time with me but none of this was expected by either party. In the case of both dancers and escorts, Personally, I can't fathom paying a dancer's per-dance rate, or an escort's hourly rate for just hanging out, but everybody ought to do what works for them.
Bem, my mistake - I can see now that your comments were geared more toward paying an escort. You're right - I personally wouldn't pay that kind of money to an escort for company, although I know of guys out here who have done it so they can have arm-candy at a special event. Limo pick-up, dinner, screening, after-party, limo drop-off.
Back on topic, I will say that ITC, I try to tip close to what the dancer's cut would be if we were in VIP. IOW, the cost of VIP minus the house cut. As I'm sure you've experienced, after that, I usually get more time voluntarily and end up becoming a place to take a load off between dancers, which is nice.
hippiegirl556
01-30-2012, 01:51 PM
some girls i will talk to others i wont i realized that its a head game but i like it if the girl is nice and not a bi*ch
unbeleavable
01-30-2012, 08:06 PM
I ask hippie..why are you sizing up girls as you say & head game?
hippiegirl556
01-31-2012, 12:24 PM
well some of the clubs i have been to the girls are very pushy and i dont like that.
Jessie_tinydancer
01-31-2012, 05:41 PM
I don't ask personal questions... why the girl you spoke to did? You'll have to ask her.
yoda57us
01-31-2012, 05:45 PM
well some of the clubs i have been to the girls are very pushy and i dont like that.
Pushy? With a female customer? Strange, most of the gal customers who show up here complain about being ignored....
rickdugan
01-31-2012, 06:44 PM
You know, this is one of those rare threads that makes me think that I've entered the Twilight Zone - LOL. I see an awful lot of responses to the effect of "I never ask personal questions", but it does not really sync with what I typically experience out there. I was in easily 50 clubs in 2011 and I'd be surprised if I was not asked the standard personal questions in all but a handful of them.
I can only figure that it must be a function of the types of clubs that I tend to visit, which are more local in nature. In the clubs that I usually frequent, regulars seem to be a meaningful part of many girls' incomes and it is not uncommon to see girls sitting with customers for extended periods of time. Under these circumstances, how could anyone possibly avoid conversations which touch upon personal matters? Heck, many girls in these places are very ready to volunteer a variety of facts about their lives - sometimes too much - in order, I suspect, to try to build a rapport with their customers.
Idk, it may be possible to dodge personal questions when you work in high volume, tourist driven clubs in places like Vegas, NYC and Chicago, but when a girl is working in more local clubs I struggle to see how she builds a client base without a certain amount of information sharing. Once the same guy sees her for the tenth or eleventh time in a few months, the "wow" effect starts to wear off, so IMHO she needs to have an added dimension to her game if she's going to keep him on the hook.
Anyway, just my :twocents:
unbeleavable
01-31-2012, 07:07 PM
Weak hustle Rick...I went to 2 clubs all of last year & when I went in I had $ to spend & No one tapped into it. The funny thing was they were telling me how bad the economy & how bad real estate was. In my head I was thinking I just closed a couple of houses....lol Thats why I say Ask ? to get to the real $.
yoda57us
01-31-2012, 07:37 PM
I can only figure that it must be a function of the types of clubs that I tend to visit, which are more local in nature. In the clubs that I usually frequent, regulars seem to be a meaningful part of many girls' incomes and it is not uncommon to see girls sitting with customers for extended periods of time. Under these circumstances, how could anyone possibly avoid conversations which touch upon personal matters? Heck, many girls in these places are very ready to volunteer a variety of facts about their lives - sometimes too much - in order, I suspect, to try to build a rapport with their customers.
I agree with this but I also think it's a function of age and experience as well. As a rule, I find that older dancers are more comfortable with their hustle and also much more adept at making innocuous small talk. There are plenty of conversation topics that don't revolve around personal information. Now, does it bother me when a girl does ask? No, not particularly but what does annoy the heck out of me is when they babble on incessantly about their personal lives...
Jessie_tinydancer
01-31-2012, 08:11 PM
^ Yep... exactly Yoda... I work at a "regulars" club... Some I know personal info about but thats because they shared it with me... for the most part I don't know if they are married, if they have kids, where they live, what they do for work - the kind of stuff people don't want to talk about.
I do know - what they like to do in their free time i.e.. hobbies. Places they've travelled and where they would like to go next. What kind of music they listen to. What kind of food they like to eat.. etc. etc. Its easy to make conversation that is interesting without talking about stuff that is personal. If they bring it up, then no problem.
unbeleavable
01-31-2012, 08:38 PM
I would agree with personal questions but they should always know why you are there....questions are good thats the hustle. If not just collect your $20 & leave.
4everresolutions
01-31-2012, 10:39 PM
"Pass go and collect $200" hahaha.
Yeah, I suppose I could see personal questions being more appropriate in a 'regular's" type club...
Mind you, I LOATHE regulars and have generally tried to avoid them most of my dancing career. I've had very few, and I prefer it that way. I've gone out of my way to avoid having the same men come back and see me multiple times. Ugh. It's irritating to hear the same person whine about the same things week after week.....
Kudos to any woman who can do it. If I wanted that kinda relationship I'd be married though....
Jessie_tinydancer
02-01-2012, 01:59 AM
^mostly they listen to me whine and then give me money hehe
rickdugan
02-01-2012, 07:38 AM
Weak hustle Rick...
I agree with this but I also think it's a function of age and experience as well. As a rule, I find that older dancers are more comfortable with their hustle and also much more adept at making innocuous small talk.
For the most part I agree with you both. A girl that dives into the personal info. bag too quickly usually does have a weak hustle and I also agree that the more experienced dancers are more adept at making small talk. All I can say on this matter is that I face the Big Four Questions, "Where are you from?/What do you do for work?/Are you married?/Do you have children?", almost every place that I club, which invariably leads to some back and forth sharing on the topics.
Now I'm not advocating this approach per se, but rather simply pointing out its fairly widespread existence. In fact, one must of course be very careful in sharing personal details with a relative stranger. I will add, though, that the hit and run hustles that are often used with the tourists, business travelers and younger guys that gravitate towards the high volume clubs don't tend to work as well on the saltier regulars in many local clubs. Many of these guys tend to want a certain level of comfort/connection with the girls that they spend time and money with. Heck yoda, I will hold you up as Exhibit A on that front, given that you've stuck with the same roster of favorites for a very long time and, in fact, haven't added a new one in years.
Anyway, obviously every club and dancer is different and approaches will vary. On this particular topic, I may just need to put on my bemused smile and chalk up the differences between what I'm reading here and what I'm seeing in the clubs to differing venues and dancer types. :)
roast
02-01-2012, 09:03 AM
I only recently started dancing but uh half the customers Ive encountered so far bring up their significant others or families or random personal info unsolicited. So, I understand your skepticism rick bc Ive overheard dancers asking but uh the self-conscious custie babblers bring it up quite a bit ... or it seems they brought it up to gauge my reaction to see how 'naughty' I am I guess. Some married men spend quite a big chunk of time babbling about their issues and philosophies of life or whatever though so I completely understand why dancers (especially hustlers) would strategically ask. I overheard one dancer very intentionally using it to her advantage. Id suspect this wouldnt work on more veteran club goers though but guys who are brand new to the industry, who look nervous and arent yet desensitized to ~*the taboo*~ might be into that or relax or something... but Im not sure.
It also is just figuring out a way to have a conversation with a stranger who is spacing out at your partial (or total) nudity to bring them back to reality for a moment to build rapport or close a sale. So Im sympathetic, esp if the dancer hasnt been in the sex industry long and is just kind of using regular casual convo topics. But uh given how often customers seem to ask dancers if they are in a relationship (why?) it is a natural reaction to just ask back. My joke to "do you have a boyfriend" is to just ask "do you?" to sort of remind them that uh we're in fantasy mode... but I guess not everyone understands this... both parties though, I mean.
yoda57us
02-01-2012, 09:07 AM
I will add, though, that the hit and run hustles that are often used with the tourists, business travelers and younger guys that gravitate towards the high volume clubs don't tend to work as well on the saltier regulars in many local clubs. Many of these guys tend to want a certain level of comfort/connection with the girls that they spend time and money with. Heck yoda, I will hold you up as Exhibit A on that front, given that you've stuck with the same roster of favorites for a very long time and, in fact, haven't added a new one in years.
Agreed rick, the BS factor holds no interest for me no matter how cute a dancer is. The five or so dancers that I have long-time associations with all have several things in common. They are all older (though, clearly, some of them were quite young when I met them) they are all earners and they all define themselves as "medium" hustlers. Interestingly, all but one prefer the day shift for it's slower pace. Now, to be fair, the conversation gets fairly personal with all of these ladies but the situation is very different than a first-time meeting.
Now, I DO still get approached quite often as I sit in the clubs waiting for my favs and I can tell you that the occasional new dancer who does get a dance or two out of me tends to fall into the more "general conversation" category than "personal information" seeker. It's just not that hard to talk about the weather, sports, music, movies or TV.
yoda57us
02-01-2012, 09:13 AM
It also is just figuring out a way to have a conversation with a stranger who is spacing out at your partial (or total) nudity to bring them back to reality for a moment to build rapport or close a sale. So Im sympathetic. But uh given how often customers seem to ask dancers if they are in a relationship (why?) it is a natural reaction to just ask back. My joke to "do you have a boyfriend" is to just ask "do you?" to sort of remind them that uh we're in fantasy mode... but I guess not everyone understands this... both parties though, I mean.
To be sure it's a two way street. There are just as many, if not more, guys asking personal questions as there are dancers. I'm pretty sure there has been a thread or two from the dancer's POV on this.
When I was married the last thing I wanted to talk about was my marriage with a dancer. It was sure to become a topic of conversation with my favs as time went on but I never understood the concept of bringing it up with a dancer you just met. Talk about a buzz kill!