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View Full Version : What's the best way to turn down a lapdance without hurting their feelings?



01-24-2012, 06:56 PM
Sometimes you are just not attracted to certain dancers but they keep coming back to try to get a dance off of you.

The 'i'm gay' doesn't really work in the strip club.

4everresolutions
01-24-2012, 07:08 PM
It's not that hard dude. We'd much rather hear "No" than "I'm gay" (which has been discussed on this board many times and MOST of us find it to be very insulting and annoying.).

A simple "No thanks. I'm not interested." will suffice. We're used to hearing "No". We hear it hundreds of times a night, and we don't take it personally. As long as you're polite, if any stripper takes offense to hearing "No" then that's on her - not you.

Imagine this senario:
- Dancer approaches, sits on the side of your chair -
Dancer: *giggle, giggle* HI! I'm Sparkles! How are you doing today, sexy?
You: Oh, hello. I'm Generic-Customer-Subtype-#25. I'm doing well thanks. Not interested in a dance with you tonight though. *stare off at the stage*
Dancer: Oh okay *acts a little put off, but walks away and makes money else-where becasue you're not wasting her time with idle chit-chat while being too pussy to say "No" straight away*.

Done and done.

Just do us all a favor. Don't interrupt the dancer while she's saying "Hi". That's kinda rude. Let her get her little introduction in. It's 15 seconds you can spare to waste, and interrupting a girl when she hasn't even gotten her name out is really disheartening.

Also, no need to add qualifiers. You don't need to tell us the reason you're not getting dances with us. I had a customer say once "No thanks. I prefer skinnier girls". Not nessicary - I would have left after "No thanks". The only time you need to add a "why" is when dancers get irritating and pushy and ask "WHYYyyyyyy?!?!?!" in that stupid whiney voice. Then they're just openeing themselves up to insults, so have at 'er.

And lastly, don't say "maybe later" unless you really MEAN " Maybe Later". Don't say "I'm fine, thanks" because sometimes men mean that in the affirmative too, and it confuses my pea-sized stripper brain.


So to rehash: Say no when you mean no. Just wait until after the dancer says her little 10 second introduction as not to be an asshat.

Kthx.

lopaw
01-24-2012, 08:57 PM
The 'i'm gay' doesn't really work in the strip club.

Hmmmm.....that's odd.
That line works pretty well for me :smiley_sm

bucket2
01-26-2012, 03:57 PM
"No thanks."

rickdugan
01-27-2012, 06:21 PM
Sometimes you are just not attracted to certain dancers but they keep coming back to try to get a dance off of you.

Given what you had to say in the "Fingering dancers..." thread, it seems to me like the ones that you don't like are the lucky ones. But having said that...

As others have mentioned, using a firm "no thank you" is the simplest way to get it done. It is also the kindest, both because you are not wasting her time and you could be refusing for any reason as far as she knows, including one that has nothing to do with her.

As a side note to this, there is probably a reason why they keep coming back. My guess is that they sense weakness or indecision. You may need to toughen up a little if you want to maximize your enjoyment of the clubs. Control your space and don't be afraid to refuse a girl. Nothing says "please continue to pester me" or "I may give in if you make me uncomfortable enough" like a guy who is afraid to just say no. In some clubs, there are girls who are dumb enough, aggressive enough, or both, to sit there for a very long time ever if you aren't willing to let them know, in no uncertain terms, that you will not be buying dances from them.

Now I am not telling you to be an asshole. When I refuse a girl, I always do so with a smile even as I am being firm. And yes, even under the best of circumstances, some girls will feel hurt and/or will react badly. This is just something that you are going to need to learn to tune out IMHO.

Anyway, just my :twocents:

tempest666
06-09-2012, 01:34 AM
"I don't have any money"

Toe Tag
06-11-2012, 10:01 AM
Thank you 4ever. I had a dancer come over and sit with me last visit in a club. We had a great time talking, then the "do you wanna a dance"? I said no thank you. Later I go to tip her on stage, and she is all about the attitude.

Twinkle Toes
06-22-2012, 08:15 PM
She was pissed because she spent valuable money making time talking with you thinking you would buy dances when you didn't. I don't care how interesting you think the conversation you're speaking at me is (because we're definitely not listening whole heartedly) if it's longer than 5-10 minutes (depending on how busy the club is) you need to buy at least one dance or tip me the price of half of one for making me sit and listen through all that bs.

Twinkle Toes
06-22-2012, 08:21 PM
And that's the truth about what she (or I) would be thinking. As a smarter worker I would be sweet as pie taking your tip on stage from you, but from then on I would avoid you completely labeling you a time waster. So if you wanted a dance you would have to grab me and go straight to private. This way I wouldn't lose anymore of my precious time.

Toe Tag
06-25-2012, 06:59 AM
TT it was about 10 mins. I was not making her do anything, she was sitting there of her own free will. I'm not going to tip for talking, sorry.

_natasha
06-25-2012, 07:49 AM
Then you should have said upfront you weren't interested in dances... Then I bet she wouldn't have stayed with you! That would be the decent thing to do. It's our job, we're at work. You wouldn't waste a waitresses' time like that. 5 minutes of general chit chat and then, 'sorry... I'm waiting for another dancer' would suffice.

Even if you were Brad Pitt and one hell of a conversationalist, I wouldn't stay with you for the hell of it. Money talks. I'd have taken your tip and ripped it up. I doubt arseholes like you tip enough to for the money to be worth my time anyway, I would get far more enjoyment from throwing it back in your face.

Toe Tag
06-25-2012, 07:55 AM
Thank you for letting me know.

threlayer
07-07-2012, 01:37 PM
"No, but thanks for asking."
Why not?
"Sorry not attracted to you", (or some other technical reason).
But tell me why....
"Ma'am, I'm not here to help you analyze you or your style. I'm just not interested."

Well
07-10-2012, 02:32 PM
Then you should have said upfront you weren't interested in dances... Then I bet she wouldn't have stayed with you! That would be the decent thing to do. It's our job, we're at work. You wouldn't waste a waitresses' time like that. 5 minutes of general chit chat and then, 'sorry... I'm waiting for another dancer' would suffice.

Even if you were Brad Pitt and one hell of a conversationalist, I wouldn't stay with you for the hell of it. Money talks. I'd have taken your tip and ripped it up. I doubt arseholes like you tip enough to for the money to be worth my time anyway, I would get far more enjoyment from throwing it back in your face.

It is up to the dancer to let the guy know. We are there to have a good time and relax. It is up to the dancer to know enough. If the conversation is going to be more than 2 to 3 minutes then the dancer should decide to move on.

I had women ask me if I wanted a dance and I said no thanks. When I was in the mood later they refused. Ok? Don't call me a cheap a$$ lol
I didn't really care, I saved money. A lot of women get angry and it just shows you that they aren't worth the dance. It's a good way to see what kind of person these women are.

Ike Turner
03-19-2015, 10:41 AM
Sometimes you are just not attracted to certain dancers but they keep coming back to try to get a dance off of you.

The 'i'm gay' doesn't really work in the strip club.You really think she gives a shit about your feelings? All these girls care about is your money. Tell her to take her old fat ass down the road.

Ike Turner
03-19-2015, 10:42 AM
Sometimes you are just not attracted to certain dancers but they keep coming back to try to get a dance off of you.

The 'i'm gay' doesn't really work in the strip club.You really think she gives a shit about your feelings? All these girls care about is your money. Tell her to take her old fat ass down the road.

NakedNicole
03-19-2015, 12:26 PM
The strip club dynamic is so funny to me. When I go into a regular bar, guys waste no time approaching me and have no problem spending lots of money on drinks/food etc to try to court me.

If I then said something like "hey come to the bathroom with me, I want to get naked for you." Do you think any straight male in their right mind is going to say "Mmm, idk maybe in a little bit." " well I just got here" "no, hot naked chick's rubbing on me isn't really my thing."

It makes me angry that when I'm in a stripclub males do not appreciate my time and affection the same as if they spent the same amount of cash attempting to court me in a regular bar.

At the end of the day I'm a beautiful,funny,intelligent woman reguardless if we are in a regular bar or a stripclub, and I will be treated as such. To the guy who acted offended that girls he turned away earlier no longer wanted anything to do with him later in the night, well I don't blame them. I am amazing and guys should feel privileged that a girl who otherwise is waaay out of their league even smiled at them. How dare they shoo me away at the club when I know damn well he's the same guy who would be falling over himself to give me the world at any other bar.

rgbg
09-02-2015, 03:33 AM
I've had a variant of that problem. I periodically go to a local place where tend to hookup with a dancer for a chat & drinks then go in the back and tip her well for some very personal attention. A number of dancers have become somewhat regulars and will come over and flirt with me as soon as I show up (easy money for them, easy good time for me).

The problem arises when there are two or more 'regulars' on at the same time. I need to choose one without offending the other. This happened again recently when a girl I haven't seen in probably close to a year was there even though the other had her eye on me from the stage as soon as I walked in. There was a palpable tension between them.

rickdugan
09-02-2015, 06:55 AM
The problem arises when there are two or more 'regulars' on at the same time. I need to choose one without offending the other. This happened again recently when a girl I haven't seen in probably close to a year was there even though the other had her eye on me from the stage as soon as I walked in. There was a palpable tension between them.

Honestly rgbg, you probably worry too much. If there is tension between them, it's their problem. You have been spreading your spending out and I'm assuming you haven't made any promises, so nobody should have reason to try to place an ownership tag on you.

I go to clubs to be entertained, not to wallow in dancer drama. The only time I think about this stuff is when (1) other dancers start avoiding me due to fear or confrontation with a perceived favorite; or (2) a girl brings drama to my seat. There is not much I can do about the first situation, so worrying about it is pointless and I can always initiate things with another dancer if the urge strikes (which it rarely does because I don't like to chase). In those rare instances where a girl causes me drama, I just shut it down quickly as I have a zero tolerance policy towards it.

rgbg
09-11-2015, 03:17 AM
Rickdugan: True, The story continues.

I don't really want to alienate any of my 'regulars'.

Dropped in the other night and the 'jilted' girl was there. Bought her a drink, she grumbled briefly about the 'pushy' girl a few weeks back. I gave her my full attention. We had our session and she did what she does well to make sure I remember her next time.

Dominic.2
09-29-2015, 04:54 PM
right. It isn't that hard:

No thank you.
-or-
I'm not going to buy dances.

Do not say, "no maybe later" unless you actually mean it. As she will likely be back.