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View Full Version : Do Men/Women Need Marriage Anymore, Like They Were Brought Up To Believe?



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loveshooks
01-31-2012, 12:40 AM
I'm only getting married for citizenship reasons. I love my partner; he's my best friend and every year I'm with him I fall deeper in love with him, but I'd never want to get married formally if not for the fact that we can't live together in our chosen nation unless I marry him (and gain citizenship that way).
I've seen very few marriages that were actually happy, but more than anything I fear that we'll fall into that rut where we feel like we've 'got' the other, and thus stop trying to be our best selves for and with each other. He on the other hand actually wants to get married for the sake of doing so, so I am glad that I can do something that will make him happy, on my terms- which will involve a civil ceremony, no white dress, rings or cake. He also fully knows that I'll slit his throat if he ever treats me like a 'wife' }:D I kid, but my concerns have been something we've discussed alot.

To be honest, we still live in a time where marriage and children are social norms, and those norms act as a form of, if not 'pressure', then expectation. I still get told I'll 'grow out of' wanting to be unmarried and childless, like I'm rebelling against something rather than making choices that best serve my needs, but whatever. The people I see getting married around me either are 'taking the next step' (assumption that every loving relationship should end in marriage), or are trying to repair a strained relationship by forging a legal bond that they hope will plaster over the problems between them (recipe for disaster IMO).
I do think my views on marriage are shaped by the fact that the happiest women I know aren't married, or were and got divorced, but I tend to question why I feel the way I do about things in every aspect of my life, and that includes life's 'rites of passage' as North American popular culture defines them. In not wanting to get married, I'm still going against a norm, which reveals to me that this norm still exists. It's assumed that we reach a certain age, fall in love, and then 'take the next step'. Fuck that. The love I feel for my partner, and the love I feel from him can't be expressed by a piece of paper. As such it has no inherent value to me.

I don't think anyone needs marriage, and most of the tangible and intangible things we seek (love, comfort, stability, and for some, money) may coincide with marriage at times, but can never be achieved by virtue of the institution itself. One really important piece of wisdom I've read in a few of the posts in this thread, though, involves marriage being a personal symbol of something that already exists between two people. That I actually completely understand, even if I don't share the sentiment.

innes
01-31-2012, 08:05 AM
I don't think it is a "need" like it has been before. But I still hope to get married in the future.

Kisca
01-31-2012, 01:54 PM
I dont think anyone "needs" it but, its more accepted in soceity, families, the groups you're around and the settling.

My parents are still married, now that I got older, moved out, I understand why my parents fought and still do.. what type of people they are, what their views are like, why they married, why they are still together. They been through a lot from lots of happiness to divorce talk where I experieced both sides as an adult. They would never agure when I was younger to an extreme when I moved out. Marriage takes work, but its also a big financial desision. But they are still together and I want to have one marriage in my life-time. Reeason being, I dont really believe in divorce (on my part) but would act on it if my emotional/physical state was in harm. Marriage is a choice, and with that choice I will be picky and go through partner to partner if Im not happy.

I think these days some people lost their values in marriage, grab the first mate they see and marry, for many reasons as age, being pressured, dont want to start over, are settled even though they arent happy. Too many people take marriage like its nothing... Thats the problem I have with marriage. I think it takes work, and not randomly one day " hey we're divorcing, see ya, have a great life!". In the end, it depends on the person, the values they have, and what they want in life. Some people know they want to have a bit of fun and get married in the end, some people want to find the right person with the first hit, some dont want to bother with marriage.