View Full Version : Cam-Trauma...Your experiences, and what helps?
Sabbatha
02-23-2012, 07:55 AM
Everyone has their "thing" I guess but if a customer turned on his camera and had needles stuck in his junk, I would be shocked too.
People who like things that are very much out of the ordinary know that their fetishes will not be accepted by everyone. He shouldn't have assumed that you would be okay with that.
I don't know what site you're on but this is what PM is for if you ask me.
"Hey, I like (fill in blank), If we go private would you be okay with this?"
I don't do anal, and nothing pisses me off more than some guy going private and demanding it, then getting pissed because I won't. Take the time to ask me or read my profile.
I don't know if the dude was trying to shock you but it sounds like it. The shock may very well be part of what gets him off. Most guys will ask you if you are okay with certain things that might be out of the ordinary.
He very likely knew that you would be like "wtf?" And the fact that the needles were already in lets tells me that you weren't the first girl he felt the need to "surprise" that day.
We all take a chance when we log on. We might very well hear or see anything. It's an "occupational hazard", if you will.
But to me, this guy at the very least was just plain rude. He knew full well that you would freak out in my opinion.
LolaBohemia
02-23-2012, 11:18 AM
Whoa, what? Wait aren't you a domme? How could a guy overpower you if you're a domme meaning you're always in control of the situation? As a professional domme, why wouldn't you just dismiss disobedient men if they misbehave like every other pro-domme? And why wouldn't you just end the show & block if you were uncomfortable? Interesting.
Yes I am...however this happened over 15 seconds. The guy came into my room as a paid VIP member (on ImLive this starts a private immediately and kicks everyone else out) and said "Hi". I said "Hi" back and asked what brought him to my room. He went on about calling me a slut and doing what he tells me. Evidently he didn't read my profile but I sternly reminded him that "If anyone is a little bitch in this room, it's you". He then stormed off with retorts that kinda left me shellshocked...similar to the OP seeing the needle dick. I had just NEVER heard a guy say that it caught me off guard. Midway through his schpeel I told him off and blocked him immediately.
Again, this was 15 seconds. Should I have been quicker? I mean I type about 100wpm but maybe I need a touch screen computer... >.<
GlamourRouge
02-23-2012, 11:26 AM
Then you most certainly should not be working in the industry!! The outcome is not predictable, so you cannot possibly be 100% comfortable with the outcomes all of the time. You are taking this risk every day, as the industry is not predictable at all, nor are the customers! You said so yourself, you cannot predict others actions. I am happy to hear you have not gone beyond your own comfort zone, but some day it may happen, and it may be completely out of your control, even if you try to take all measures to prevent it. If it is out of your control, I certainly hope you do take offense to it and do what you can to fix the trauma. All the knowlege in the world, trying to predict outcomes when they cannot be predicted, cannot stop you from being a victim of crime or predators. Most often victims are people who believe "it cannot happen to them"
lol what? I'm comfortable in this industry and with every outcome, I'm not traumatized, I love fetish and getting insides people's minds because I learn new things, I'm pretty knowledable about this industry IMO, and I really like the industry. I like that its not predictable. It keeps me on edge whereas most vanilla jobs cannot keep me focused because they're too boring for me. I like challenge. I like not knowing what's going to happen next. The difference is, I'm prepared for it and excited about it. You're only a victim if you let yourself be a victim, and you're only in dangerous situations if you let yourself be.
GlamourRouge
02-23-2012, 11:29 AM
It depends on how you view it, BUT
Being on a camsite does NOT mean you are automatically giving your consent to taking part in any illegal, obscene, violent acts; or any acts that may break site rules. Predators also do not give you the opportunity to give consent at all!!
Well okay. Just because you're a construction working or police officer, it doesn't mean you give your consent to get hurt or killed on the job, but it happens often its basically a risk in the job description. Like camming. So if one is not comfortable with something like that happening, they should never enter the industry or quit as soon as possible. You can't go around in life thinking "it happens, but it won't happen to me!!!" which is what I see a lot of girls in the camming world thinking until stuff DOES happen to them.
GlamourRouge
02-23-2012, 11:49 AM
Now you are not taking responsibility for your own actions. You are merely deluding yourself with this statement. I do see how one could use this statement as a coping mechanism, to justify being in this industry and dealing with the consequences of working in the industry. This statment, is far from the truth, unfortunately and we all know it. We can cause harm to others, and others can cause harm to us, very easily in this industry. It is not harmless.
lol so in that case, are companies who give people credit cards with high limits not taking responsibility for their actions if people spend beyond their means (which happens allllll the time)? Are strippers not taking responsibility for their actions when a customer is delusional and thinks she's in love with him and wants a relationship? No, the responsibility is on the consumer/customer. Just like cam girls. The responsibility of knowing fantasy from reality & not being delusional is on the cam customer. You can't change what another person believes or feels. We sell fantasy. Well at least cam girls and strippers do. We play a role that we get paid for. We aren't horny sluts waiting to get fucked and meet up with strange men. That is just the image cam companies create for us, but its fantasy.
It is not fantasy in the OP's scenario. If a guy was talking about exploring needles, that is a fantasy. Actually SHOVING needles into your penis, turns that fantasy into a reality. Fantasies become realities when people begin acting them out.
lol okay so is giving a lapdance in a strip club (rather than just talking about giving one) is turning fantasy into reality too? lolol. Fantasy involves some element of physical engagement on his end or the fantasy cannot be fulfilled. The difference between the needle guy (fantasy) and reality is that he was putting the needles in himself. If he were to buy an in-person session, he would most certainly want the girl (us) to put the needles in. In this case, he was pretending that the OP was forcefully forcing him to put in the needles, which is his fantasy. A domme would have complied with this and played along by acting like she is the forceful woman he desires. He likes cock and ball torture (CBT), read up on it. CBT men like dommes because they are strict and forceful. In this case, it sounds like a communication error where the needle guy thought the OP was a domme and would like this, but she was not in fact a domme. Dommes do so well in this industry because its easy to be forceful and demanding over the internet. And its easy for many cam girls to play that role. You don't even have to be a domme in your personal life. Its fantasy. We play the role the customer wants us to play.
roast
02-23-2012, 11:51 AM
On topic: OP, sorry you were rattled and had to learn one of your limits the hard way. Not everyone can deal with blood. I think we've all had one or two cam instances that stuck with us longer than we expected. Hope you're OK. What helps is being fully aware of what your limits are - this instance you didnt have much warning though, so it often helps to just take a break tbh. I remember reading ages ago some girl refuses all c2c sessions (not bc she sawsomething that freaked her out but she hates them), you could try that for a bit if you find accepting cams throws you off. Or make your profile as incredibly vanilla as possible (not always a deterrent tbh, not everyone wants to see the leather bound mega-Domme) and hope that helps.
As an aside listing your "don't" list in your profile often attracts exactly who youre trying tod eter. Often guys with niche fetishes use search boxes to find girls who *will* do what there interested in. So if you list: no scat, no ageplay, no deep throating --- your profile will pop up for those looking specifically for those terms. Custies dont own read profiles that carefully in general so you may find yourself getting MORE guys like this instead. My suggestion is dont bother listing what you wont do in your profile... the more cluttered your profile is prob the less likely itll be read in general.
That is my suggestion. Some people report great success with "don't" lists, I just found for myself it had the opposite intended effect.
Cam_Model_Jess
02-23-2012, 12:18 PM
Anyway,
I got hot and nearly fainted/vomited the first 2 minutes I witnessed these. Not because I was disgusted but because it IS
an extreme visual.
I consented to see that and still had that reaction , the OP should have been warned by the custy. He may not know
that because he is doing self CBT he may not be well versed in how BDSM relationships work.
The dommes limits are just as valid and important even if she is being paid, it is the domme responsibility
to tell the sub what her limits are.
This is a danger of sexwork because you can't control other people completely and sometimes you think you
more ready than you are.
!
I agree with this. I think what he did was wrong in that he should have warned you. I don't honestly believe that people who do that are unaware of how "anormal" it is. I believe he probably DID do it w/o warning you in order to shock you. But I believe he also truly got something out of harming himself, otherwise I don't think he would've bothered. Of course, there's the possibility that he just made assumptions about you like most of our customers do, and he just assumed that since you're a camgirl, you're ok with ANYTHING and you've seen EVERYTHING.
However, if you had started doing that to yourself on cam, he could've gotten you kicked from the site. And if he had posted something on here saying that he felt traumatized because of what you did, I wonder if we would be giving him more sympathy? You're welcome to report him to the site if you feel strongly about it. They will probably warn him not to do it again. However, just remember there are probably hundreds of girls who could make good money from guys like him, and it's probably best to just not take a show with him anymore.
I try not to make moral judgements of customers and their fetishes, but that's hard for me to do, so I choose not to participate.
Being on cam, we accept the risk that customers will tell us about fantasies/fetishes that upset us/ that we don't agree with. Accepting a cam2cam session, you take the risk of SEEING those same things. Now you are aware of that risk and you can choose to continue to cam or continue to stop camming. You can also choose to just not accept cam2cam sessions. Or you can find some way of dealing with it when things happen that upset you. I know you're reaching out to us here to help you with that, and that's great. Hopefully people will respond accordingly.
I agree with Nikki_Fox and think some people are being unduly harsh to the OP. I have had MANY occasions where I was upset by something a customer said/did or the way I was treated. I've been doing this over a year and I'm still not used to some things. I minimize my responsibility by being very clear about my boundaries in my profile. If I'm asked about my boundaries, I am verbally very clear about them. If something happens in a show that I'm not ok with, I may react differently depending on what happened or how I'm feeling that day.
If this had happened to me in a show, I would have been fascinated by it and continued to watch, but that's my own personal reaction.
If you say that fetishists and people who get off on this kind of thing are not "wrong" in what they do and how they feel, then I truly don't understand how you can blame the OP for her feelings. They are her own feelings. And by your logic, they should not be "wrong" either. It takes a long time to get used to this kind of thing, especially if you're not advertising it/intentionally trying to attract it.
OP, I'm sorry you experienced this and were upset by it. This industry is very much about self-exploration in many ways. Please try to turn this into something positive for yourself. You know that what happened to you is the kind of thing that you're not ok with. So you learned something about yourself. That's awesome. Every little thing you learn about yourself will help you grow as a person. How you use that knowledge can determine how much you grow.
Let's be supportive in one another's journies of self-discovery.
JaidaMarie
02-23-2012, 01:03 PM
To the OP yea i could defiantly see how that could have been a shocker...he either enjoyed the CBT or the reaction from you. I also agree that there is nothing wrong with your reaction considering you are not a Domme ad stated that. Plus when a guy asks if you want to see him cum.. i don't think there is anyone who would foresee a bunch of needles stuck in his penis.
I personally am into Fetish and actually enjoy learning about all the diff kinds. I agree that they are into what they are into and most likely do not want to experience any negative looks from their family ad close friends if they were to come out and express his interests. "Hey honey, i take the term needle dick to a whole different level..wanna see?" That is why we are there to give them a place were they feel comfortable and safe to express themselves. Him doing that to me would have caught me off guard but the show would of kept going on and added to my list of fetishes and kinks out there. With you stating that you were not really into that lifestyle then no it was not what you signed up for and for good reason if it is something you are not into or prepared for.2 years ago i would have completely freaked out and would of been traumatized for life.
The only thing that gets under my skin no matter what is when i notice that they are into sexual fantasies with kids. i know some people say well better they talking to us than out there living it or that they cant help it...well that still doesn't make it right..
Truebebeblue
02-23-2012, 02:06 PM
IDK what her reasoning was but I probably would have sat there and talked shit to him
since it was VIP then blocked him when I got bored or he didn't fall in line.
Some men have a thing for being verbally 'overpowered' by a dominant female
kind of a more aggressive "brat sub" giving you something to punish them for...I would play at it online
but never accept it in a dungeon,of course in a dungeon I would have all of his money right off and
he would be less likely to forfeit that by pushing too far.
The real mind fuck of BDSM play is the sub is always in control,this dynamic is never as apparent as
during a pay for play.
Whoa, what? Wait aren't you a domme? How could a guy overpower you if you're a domme meaning you're always in control of the situation? As a professional domme, why wouldn't you just dismiss disobedient men if they misbehave like every other pro-domme? And why wouldn't you just end the show & block if you were uncomfortable? Interesting.
cyberstripper
02-23-2012, 02:14 PM
I am merely pointing out a past incident that has occured for everyone to see as an example, but you all are a bunch of hypocrites. You are commenting about me commenting about someone else, yet you are commenting about something u are not involved in, either. It really doesnt have to be this way and it is not a HUGE deal. We all should feel comfortable sharing our experiences (both good and bad) on this forum. If you disagree, that is great but it doesn't mean I am in the wrong because I come on a forum and express myself, seek out support, etc. That is one of the purposes of this forum, is it not?
cyberstripper
02-23-2012, 02:16 PM
FYI: My previous post was directed at Hayden, not you True
TXCamgirl
02-23-2012, 03:26 PM
Stuff like that makes me sick to my stomach but I wouldn't cancel a show because of it. I seldom actually watch the cams anyways, I'm always staring somewhere else so I would have just not looked at it and kept milking the money :)
LolaBohemia
02-23-2012, 03:31 PM
IDK what her reasoning was but I probably would have sat there and talked shit to him
since it was VIP then blocked him when I got bored or he didn't fall in line.
Some men have a thing for being verbally 'overpowered' by a dominant female
kind of a more aggressive "brat sub" giving you something to punish them for...I would play at it online
but never accept it in a dungeon,of course in a dungeon I would have all of his money right off and
he would be less likely to forfeit that by pushing too far.
The real mind fuck of BDSM play is the sub is always in control,this dynamic is never as apparent as
during a pay for play.
I'm happy someone got that.
I do a lot of humiliation/verbally aggressive shows but only when guys ask for that specifically.
In turn there are also girls online that are cam subs and Dom type custies want to be verbally aggressive with them.
When the guy went VIP and he popped up on cam starting to talk to me I was caught off guard. At first I simply thought he was confused so I sarcastically reminded him that the only Domme in the room was me. He then started verbally attacking me calling me a bitch and a worthless slut that is going to be controlled, etc etc. My jaw dropped. I had never had that happen.
It lasted 15 seconds and then I terminated the session.
This guy did not "overpower" me whatsoever--he simply caught me off guard. I did dismiss him by ending the session and blocking him.
What he did was not consensual whatsoever which is different than what I do. If I do a humiliation show, I don't just start name calling everyone who comes into my room. Him starting a show with me and not even reading my profile and then attempting to try and treat me like a piece of meat was completely unexpected. He should have known better and apologized after assuming incorrectly instead of harassing me.
Cam_chick
02-23-2012, 04:13 PM
OP, I agree with Roasts post about don'ts. Sometimes it can work, just depends :)
kaiarose
02-23-2012, 04:15 PM
Stay on topic people!
CurvySweet
02-23-2012, 06:40 PM
All you can do is put it out of your mind and move on. You shouldn't let it bother you. I've seen some pretty fucked up sh!t on cam2cam. Even when i'm being a PSO guys do and talk of some niffty things though I don't see them I still have 'pleasure' of hearing what their doing.
Doing this job sure does open your eyes to a wider world of fetishes, what people enjoy doing in their spare time and what gets 'em off.
kaiarose
02-24-2012, 12:17 PM
I cleaned this thread up... no more straying off the original topic please!