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rickdugan
02-28-2012, 06:19 PM
In the past 18 months I have been told, by three different strippers working in three different clubs in three different states, that I am arrogant. Now to put it in perspective, that is 3 girls among easily over 150 that I interacted with over the same timeframe, but nonetheless it has happened enough to make me scratch my head. One of the girls in question even returned later to the seat next to me just to give me crap over my perceived arrogance.

I keep thinking: Me? I am one of the nicest guys I know when I deal with dancers. I don't make shitty comments, or ask stupid questions, or gets handsey, or say/do any number of things that normally pisses a dancer off. I am nice, offer drinks, and if I turn them down for dances and they burned time sitting with me I even tip them for their time and add a warm thank you.

On the flip side, however, I do "control my space" as I put it, which means that I do tend to cut heavy duty hustles off early. Also, I do get bored easily with a girl who is feeding me the same lines that I heard from girls in 20 other clubs in 10 other states just during the last year. Now I always try to be kind when I divert the conversation or otherwise let her know what my gig is and is not, but I have to imagine that my low patience level sometimes bleeds through.

It also seems that I just don't click as well with certain types of dancers - namely, the more polished ones with aggressive hustles. In addition to the few that have called me arrogant, a few others have become easily frustrated when I repeatedly turned them down for dances and asked variations of, "then why are you here?" I am always tempted to tell them the truth, which is, "to give a lot of money to someone more entertaining than you," but usually I'll answer with either a shoulder shrug or with some variation of "I'm not sure yet."

Idk. I was treated to the arrogance comment again during my most recent road trip to Mobile, so it is on my mind at the moment.

yoda57us
02-28-2012, 08:13 PM
It sounds like you run into a dancer, or two, on occasion that doesn't like the fact that you won't let them run their rap on you. There will always be girls who can politely take no for an answer and others who think that they have a God-given right to sell you a dance and will fight to control their environment just as much as you do to control your space. I can be a bit dismissive myself at times and, on occasion, I take a little crap for it. I don't particularly like the idea of someone being upset with me but, ya know, it's a strip club and clearly the dancer's goals are not the same as mine. It's not something I worry too much about. You shouldn't either. All you can do is be polite and upfront about your intentions. If they want their ass kissed or a guaranteed revenue stream, hey, that's not your problem.

countedcrow
02-29-2012, 03:37 AM
The simple truth of the matter is that people's perceptions are their reality, and for these 3 dancers that's just what they saw. Their experiences give them a view of you that the other 147+ didn't see. My best guess is that none of these three come from your "home" club.

Specifically to your recent trip to Mobile, I think I remember you saying in the trip report that some girls were surprised that you tipped for time. To some people that might be seen as you throwing your money around to show off, hence the arrogance tag.

RonClubn
02-29-2012, 04:27 AM
Has anyone ever told you this OTC? I ask because I've gotten similar comments. It doesn't take much to get pegged as arrogant or stuck up even. If you're direct, maybe a little serious, intolerant of or disinterested in bs and exude an ounce of confidence - that seems to be enough.

rickdugan
02-29-2012, 06:26 AM
Has anyone ever told you this OTC? I ask because I've gotten similar comments. It doesn't take much to get pegged as arrogant or stuck up even. If you're direct, maybe a little serious, intolerant of or disinterested in bs and exude an ounce of confidence - that seems to be enough.

No I do not normally hear this OTC. I am more of a salt of the earth kinda' guy. I think that you and Yoda are right on target. Occasional static is inevitable in strip clubs and normally it just rolls off my back. What made me ponder it a bit more this time is that I just heard it in back-to-back road trips, though the fact that I was a notherner in a suit visiting small clubs in the deep South (Mobile, Alabama and Little Rock, Arkansas) may have played a role.

C'est la vie I suppose. I don't really see myself changing my approach at this point in my life, so if I rub certain types the wrong way then it is what it is.

rockie
02-29-2012, 09:23 AM
All it takes to be labelled arrogant sometimes is your comfort level with rejecting the offer, without regard to how politely you've expressed the rejection.

minnow
02-29-2012, 12:50 PM
There can often be a fine, nebulous line between being confident and arrogant. IMO, this subject isn't one that rick is quick to summarily blow off , otherwise why bother posting ? Just because 147 plus other dancers didn't tell him he was arrogant doesn't mean that a sizeable number didn't think him to be arrogant. Rick's response to the "assertive 3" ( hey, there can be a fine line between being an assertive woman and a bitch, too) was subdued as he didn't say exactly what was on his mind. So goes it with some of the "other 147".

Rick's real concern may be if he is seen as arrogant in a business/political setting ( 2 trips have been to state capitals, re Richmond and Little Rock). People in these settings aren't inclined to counsel others, they just do what is good for business. One can't change who they are, but an awareness of certain nuances may tilt things more in their favor in subsequent encounters.8)

JoeUnCool
02-29-2012, 12:59 PM
It means one of two things.

She didn't get any money from you and is just upset. Let it go.
She's trying to play you for more money. Its an opposite type of dynamic. By implying that you are a bad guy, or at least self important, it plays to your ego. If she plays to your ego, builds you up, she hopes to get more money.

rickdugan
02-29-2012, 05:52 PM
Rick's real concern may be if he is seen as arrogant in a business/political setting ( 2 trips have been to state capitals, re Richmond and Little Rock).

No, my real consideration here relates to my presence in the clubs. I have no problems in work settings - I've been doing what I do for a long time and projecting the right persona in business/client environments is now second nature. I have also owned the company for several years now and continue to serve as its sole salesperson, a role which I would not be very good at if I was projecting arrogance among the types that I sell to.

I agree with others here who have said that confidence may be mistaken for arrogance as I am nothing if not comfortably confident in SC settings. But I may need to pull it in just a touch as the appearance of arrogance could fuck up my game just as much as certain other undesirable traits.

bem401
03-01-2012, 04:15 AM
I wouldn't let it bother you. IMO, it's a "get even" tactic from a strange girl you just rejected who is smarting from the rejection. She feels insulted and wants to insult you back. The fact that 3 out of 150 said it to you doesn't mean much. It's a very low percentage. The overwhelming majority of dancers don't hold the overwhelming majority of customers in very high regard in the first place.

bigdog83
03-01-2012, 05:38 PM
No, my real consideration here relates to my presence in the clubs. I have no problems in work settings - I've been doing what I do for a long time and projecting the right persona in business/client environments is now second nature. I have also owned the company for several years now and continue to serve as its sole salesperson, a role which I would not be very good at if I was projecting arrogance among the types that I sell to.

I agree with others here who have said that confidence may be mistaken for arrogance as I am nothing if not comfortably confident in SC settings. But I may need to pull it in just a touch as the appearance of arrogance could fuck up my game just as much as certain other undesirable traits.

But everyone has a business and personal self. My clients wouldnt beable to understand how arrogant I am in real life if they really knew me.

I think you can get a better feeling if you look at the other dancers who didnt say anything. You should beable to read body lang and things they say. I know they are good at what they do but we are still humans and this is built into us. Did it look like they wanted to smack you at one point? etc etc etc.

Maybe because you have been to so many clubs you come off as cocky. Like you can give a vibe "I own this place". Hell, our COO does that and we all think hes a douchebag and hes not even an owner! The actual owner is so much cooler and laid back.

rickdugan
03-01-2012, 07:57 PM
Maybe because you have been to so many clubs you come off as cocky. Like you can give a vibe "I own this place"...

There may be something to that actually...

bigdog83
03-01-2012, 11:19 PM
I wouldnt stress it though. They are strippers. Ive had some act like 3 year olds and throw fits when I kindly say no to a dance. Calling me names and asking why I come here. Maybe I just dont want a dance with YOU. lol.

Just remember, you could aways just ask her if it happens again. Then tell her thank you and throw her a 20$

JoeUnCool
03-02-2012, 07:37 AM
There can often be a fine, nebulous line between being confident and arrogant. IMO, this subject isn't one that rick is quick to summarily blow off , otherwise why bother posting ? Just because 147 plus other dancers didn't tell him he was arrogant doesn't mean that a sizeable number didn't think him to be arrogant. Rick's response to the "assertive 3" ( hey, there can be a fine line between being an assertive woman and a bitch, too) was subdued as he didn't say exactly what was on his mind. So goes it with some of the "other 147".

Rick's real concern may be if he is seen as arrogant in a business/political setting ( 2 trips have been to state capitals, re Richmond and Little Rock). People in these settings aren't inclined to counsel others, they just do what is good for business. One can't change who they are, but an awareness of certain nuances may tilt things more in their favor in subsequent encounters.8)

Another thing, and this is something that I have noticed about people, it may be that Rick tries to analyze every little thing. I see it a lot in his posts and he wants to analyze a statement of "arrogance" and do it here. BTW, I don't mean anything negative by stating this observation.