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Kessler
03-19-2012, 02:39 AM
justwondering, after posting earlier, I've been watching this interaction for a while, not really feeling the need to say anything else since I've agreed with the others. But it's clear from your last, verbose post that well, a) this is all real and b) you've been spun around like a top on a merry-go-round.

As Yoda, Rick, AGT have said previously, it happens to everyone - vets, newbs, everyone. Myself, included. In fact, one of the primary reasons I joined this site less than year ago was to a) learn about a dancer's motivations, b) learn how to be a better customer in general and c) how to enjoy this skill that is SC-going. Because it is a skill if you want to maximize your enjoyment and respect the dancers simultaneously. We're guys, we're dense, so this shit don't come easy. It's even worse for guys like you. More on this in a second...

You'll find a wealth of knowledge here that surpasses anywhere else - do yourself a favor and look up how many times a customer has wandered in here and said, "My situation's unique - she really likes me." 1% of the time, on a very, very rare occasion, like winning-the-lottery-odds, it is unique. But most of the time, the majority of the time, it's not. It's the same tale - guy gets seduction hustled, gets spun in little circles and doesn't know he's gone all Inception, living a dream within a dream within a dream. And that dream ends the minute you walk out the door, only you don't know it. You want to think, "I'm the 1%," when instead, you should be thinking, "I need proof that I'm not the 99%."

Okay, back to you. You said you don't have a lot of experience with women. I believe it, and I give you props for saying so. But that only makes this hustle all the worse on you. As far as I can guess, it's a pretty rare thing to a) have a woman be physically intimate with you and b) have that kind of affection and attention showered on you. Add the fact that you are a new-comer to SC's... well, it's a fucking lethal combo. Your brain goes: "Hey, the physical touching/kissing is there and the affectionate words are there - why wouldn't this be real?" And you don't have the SC experience yet to realize/warn you that it's not. Not at all.

Keep this in mind: if it was real, she'd be pursuing you like you want to pursue her.

This is what I meant when I said instead of looking for ways to prove that you're the 1%, look for ways to disprove that you're the 99%. You start from a place of 'it's not real,' unless all the factors involved move you to place of 'it's real.' It'll be fucking obvious. I'm serious. If you have to ask, it's a 'no' - good rule stated by AGT, Yoda, etc.

Part II

Now, onto your pursuit of her. This has nothing to do with SC-going. Just something I gotta say to you (again, more on this in a minute). Let's say she really was into you (she's not, but I'm just using this for the sake of this post) - I don't want to see you fuck that up if/when the time comes, whether it be with a dancer or a civilian. Number one rule: DON'T BE CREEPY. No matter how good your intentions are, don't do anything that could even be remotely interpreted as creepy... like looking her up online and then telling her about it.

Go watch SWINGERS. Watch the scene when Jon Favreau calls the girl at the bar a zillion times after she gets her number. This is so fucking painful to watch because, I'd be willing to bet, every guy has done this at least once. I did it when I was 15 - and it was so painful, I remember it like it was fucking yesterday. I realized after it was over, holy shit, I must look like a stalker, pathetic and fucking creepy. But I know my intentions weren't terrible - I was just a socially awkward, lovesick kid who didn't know any better. Some things never change ;) But back to you --

I want you to know better.

My 15-year old self is reaching out to you ---- don't do that again. EVER. Discipline yourself. If you meet a girl, and you get her number, email, whatever, send a simple, 1-2 line email. Great meeting you, you seem cool, would love to grab coffee or whatever. Keep it short and simple. If she responds, great! If she doesn't... wait a few days, then try one more time. That's it. If she doesn't respond, let it go. Don't do anything. NOTHING. Don't let thoughts of, "Maybe she lost the text" or "Maybe she erased it by accident," or "Maybe it ended up in her spam folder." No. If after two emails/texts, you get nothing, she's not interested. Plain and simple. And trust me, you want to find someone who's interested in you for you. Hold your head up, say 'fuck it,' and move on.

I don't think you're a bad guy. Just a little clueless due to lack of experience. Nothing wrong with that UNLESS you don't make an effort to learn from your mistakes.

So read the threads in this forum to glean as much as you can about SCing. And maybe stay out of the club until you're sure you can switch the fantasy on and off. And go watch SWINGERS :)

justwondering
03-19-2012, 07:03 AM
Thank you for the insightful post, My intent here was not to carry on the situation in this board it, my last two posts I was trying to defend my intentions. I was not thinking what could be considered creepy when i sent that and only realized after she replied. You also seem to understand where my head was at as opposed to the other posters who seem fancy me some kind of monster, all I have been trying to prove these past two days is show I meant her no harm it was mot intended to be a malicious act I was like Lenny with the rabbit I was squeezing to hard I understand that now. Thank you for the advice

rickdugan
03-20-2012, 05:16 AM
Just, the more you try to "defend your intentions" the creepier this becomes. Every post lays out yet more desperation, self loathing and what seems to be a fixation upon this girl.

And stop denying that you are fixated already. Thou doth protest too much. But she is never going to text you back and she has no interest in your help, protection, advice or whatever else you are offering and she never did, period. You were a wallet to her, nothing more.

You went to a strip club and you got hustled - that is the only lesson here. Because of your loniliness and general self loathing, her treatment of you made you feel very good and you got hooked on her a bit. Shake it off cowboy. She did the same thing with 20 other guys during the same week, the only difference is that those other guys took it in stride and walked away, while you are still messed up. IMHO you really need to stay out of strip clubs.

People keep mentioning your weight not because they are mean spirited, but because the answer to your loniliness is not a strip club, but rather doing things to improve yourself and make yourself more attractive to females. Don't you have a campus gym? A pool? What else can you do to improve yourself? IMHO you need to get out of your own head, stop feeling sorry for yourself and take some control instead.

Anyway, I'm done with this. You've been told what happened by dancers and seasoned SC customers and there is really nothing more to add.

sexy_celeste
03-20-2012, 06:26 AM
She gave you her number (it's a business # for customers, not her "real" number) to get you back into the club to spend on her.

this x1000000.

RedDragon
03-20-2012, 07:42 PM
I've always been perplexed by the way strippers exchange numbers but then never follow up. If they want me to come back to the club, then just having my number won't make it happen. They've actually got to contact me to remind me. Or are they expecting me to contact them, as in "I'm planning to come to this club tonight, will you be there?".

ArmySGT.
03-20-2012, 08:16 PM
Or are they expecting me to contact them, as in "I'm planning to come to this club tonight, will you be there?".

Well, Duh.

mediocrity
03-21-2012, 01:24 AM
I'm so surprised that guys still fall for this tactic.

themorningsun
03-21-2012, 02:02 AM
so can you girls tell me how does a client go about seeing you outside of your work for coffee entertainment or maybe a relationship or sexual relationship or what have you?

sexy_celeste
03-21-2012, 06:52 AM
so can you girls tell me how does a client go about seeing you outside of your work for coffee entertainment or maybe a relationship or sexual relationship or what have you?

If you want a date, dont come to a strip club. We are there working.

Luna123
03-21-2012, 09:19 AM
Jay, I would say the looking up & then throwing it in her face, as if to say"I know who you are" not only looks desperate but major creeper.

This times a fucking THOUSAND. Ugh. I'd be so fucking creeped out. If she's nice to you from now on, it might be partially out of fear of you getting mad and freaking out/"researching" her more

yoda57us
03-21-2012, 04:34 PM
so can you girls tell me how does a client go about seeing you outside of your work for coffee entertainment or maybe a relationship or sexual relationship or what have you?

How do you go about asking any woman that you are interested in out for coffee or Sex? Dancers are women just like any other. The problem is that too many guys assume that, because she is working in an environment that requires her to act socially, dancers are somehow looking for dates or are available for sex. They are, in most cases, not. They are working. You can always roll the dice and ask-the same way you would ask a waitress or any other woman while she is at work.

What has worked for me over the years is getting to know a dancer by becoming a good spending regular, gaining her trust by not gossiping about her or wasting her time at work and being patient. Don't assume that her job makes her somehow more available than any other occupation would. Honestly, would you approach a cashier in a coffee shop and ask if she was available for a "sexual relationship"?

The_Adict
03-21-2012, 05:52 PM
I have anxiety issues and can be socially awkward and am not the most socially experienced person.

Ahhhh that might be the understatement of the year. You went to a SC, kissed a bit (I don't even think I believe this), and exchanged numbers. You continually texted and looked up her info on the internet after experienced individuals told you the truth of a hustle. The fact of the matter is, if you aren't trolling, you're quite....well....simply point, the reason Strippers make good money and at times have to be escorted to their cars. What's even more worrying is you received info on what occurred and you still acted in a very strange manor. That's a bit mental.

Relax on the scenarios in your head and think logically. 90% sure of a situation clearly isn't a enough for you. Think 100% next time.

angelina
03-22-2012, 12:13 AM
Justwondering, don't feel too bad. You sound like a very logical, left brain, analytical kind of guy. Here is what I think: the girl may have really enjoyed being with you for the duration she was with you. Who said we can't enjoy our clients? It's just that this doesn't carry on outside the club. Things are comartmentalized.
Ive genuinely liked clients before but I wouldn't want to date them. I always feel bad if my sincere interest in what he says (platonic) gets misconstrued and exaggerated in the guy's own mind. I just want to be myself without worrying that if I'm "too nice" my client may think I had special feelings for him. Speaking for myself, its not my intention to hustle when I am being nice and attentive. It makes things not fun for all when over analyzing occurs. In this type of environment, just keep it fun for everyone. Sounds like the girl kept it real by telling you her real name but it doesn't translate to an interest outside the club,

JayATee
03-22-2012, 03:24 PM
so can you girls tell me how does a client go about seeing you outside of your work for coffee entertainment or maybe a relationship or sexual relationship or what have you?

Meet me somewhere besides work.

RedDragon
03-22-2012, 04:14 PM
Justwondering, don't feel too bad. You sound like a very logical, left brain, analytical kind of guy. Here is what I think: the girl may have really enjoyed being with you for the duration she was with you. Who said we can't enjoy our clients? It's just that this doesn't carry on outside the club. Things are comartmentalized.


And also remember there is no sign outside the club saying "everything here is genuine and true". You pay girls to talk to you or dance for you or whatever. You pay them to pretend they enjoy it. If you watch a movie you don't assume everything is true either. So why do you believe everything you see in a strip club is for real? It's just entertainment. You are paying to be entertained. I've had girls talk real B$ to me before. I usually go along with it. It's all part of the game. I don't even know whether they honestly believed I believe them. Does it matter? I also had many conversations that I felt were honest and heartfelt and that touched me in some way. I've even had deeply philosophical discussions. I took all of those seriously and enjoyed them. But maybe those girls were B$itting me too. Maybe they were just better at acting and pretending. What is real and what isn't? One girl once asked me for advice for an essay she was writing on French literature and we talked about it for a long time and I really enjoyed it. I thought that was cool and it earned her a nice tip. I don't think she was B$itting but if she was, I still had a good time and she made some money so fair is fair. At the end of the day your guess is as good as mine. To me, that's all part of the fun. But you have no right ever and at all to assume that anything anybody tells you is true (except when it comes to prices). Not too long ago I was a approached by a girl who I hadn't seen in more than a year, and she remembered my name. That made me feel good, seeing she remembered me. But maybe it was a trick. Maybe one of the other girls told her. I'll never know. But it doesn't matter. It's entertainment. It's not for real. You know, David Copperfield doesn't do real magic either. It's all tricks. But the people still love it. So stop thinking too much and chill out and have fun.

stawj
03-23-2012, 03:22 PM
People get way too hostile over threads like these. It's fun reading the experiences of others. Sure, give your honest opinion if you must but screaming for the OP to be banned, making fun of his weight and/or accusing him of being a potential rapist is taking things just a bit too seriously IMO.

JayATee
03-23-2012, 06:37 PM
People get way too hostile over threads like these. It's fun reading the experiences of others. Sure, give your honest opinion if you must but screaming for the OP to be banned, making fun of his weight and/or accusing him of being a potential rapist is taking things just a bit too seriously IMO.

Umm no. A background check on a stripper screams stalker, not overreaction by other strippers about your retarded actions. Only someone who isn't in the business would say something like this because you're incapable of understanding the real fear we ALL have of someone/something like this. This isn't a joke. It's our lives. It's our kids lives. Our SO's lives. Behind every dancer persona is a real person. ::)

unbeleavable
03-23-2012, 06:50 PM
Umm no. A background check on a stripper screams stalker, not overreaction by other strippers about your retarded actions. Only someone who isn't in the business would say something like this because you're incapable of understanding the real fear we ALL have of someone/something like this. This isn't a joke. It's our lives. It's our kids lives. Our SO's lives. Behind every dancer persona is a real person. ::)

Don't be to hard on him Jay, he likes reading posts like this to confirm his status in the club.

stawj
03-23-2012, 10:48 PM
Don't be to hard on him Jay, he likes reading posts like this to confirm his status in the club.

Huh? /:O

Redwolf
03-24-2012, 08:29 AM
justwondering, I am just wondering whether you have deleted the dancer's number and scrubbed your Internet history and favorites. Throw away the pics of her and any intel you have kept.

DELETE it now.

ArmySGT.
03-25-2012, 12:06 AM
People get way too hostile over threads like these. It's fun reading the experiences of others. Sure, give your honest opinion if you must but screaming for the OP to be banned, making fun of his weight and/or accusing him of being a potential rapist is taking things just a bit too seriously IMO.

http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j218/ArmySGT_photos/Makes%20me%20laugh/Numberwaswrong.jpg

Get it?

Event Horizon
03-25-2012, 02:05 AM
I look at it like fairy dust: it can result in things that feel magical, amazing, fun; it can make you feel younger, and forget your troubles, but it only works in Never Never Land. Once you're back on earth, outside in the cold air, you're just a regular person again, and anything that you thought was real, was nothing more than fantasy.

You can't apply deep, heartfelt emotions to it, justwondering, because they're not real. Oh, I'm sure she was nice, she was playful, all these things that made you feel great, but she was just doing her job. You're mistaking a professional transaction for personal attraction, and that's a big mistake. Her job is to make you feel like a million bucks, and to get paid for making you feel that way. She's a bit like a therapist; a hot, sexy therapist that sits on your lap, but that's as far as it goes.

socialreject
03-25-2012, 12:22 PM
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j218/ArmySGT_photos/Makes%20me%20laugh/Numberwaswrong.jpg

Get it?

...LOL

safado
03-25-2012, 12:41 PM
This thread made me think of this video clip.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqdNe8u-Jsg

rickdugan
03-25-2012, 01:34 PM
I'm so surprised that guys still fall for this tactic.

The players change, but the game remains the same.

I am sure that all of us have seen this play out over and over in clubs far and wide. Heck, just in the past year, I saw two funny instances of this: (1) one guy was sobbing "please don't break up with me" while he was getting what would be his last lapdances from his intended bride; and (2) a guy that spent everything he had, including his credit card limits, chasing one girl's affections until he could spend no more, at which point he actually took a job at the same club as a bar back!

IDK, but I believe that as long as there continue to be fresh batches of young and lonely guys with money to spend and dancers able and willing to run seduction hustles, that this will be an ever present part of the club scene.

flyguy29
03-27-2012, 11:02 PM
This thread is crazy, but not surprising. Are PLs not supposed to find the answer to "stripper love" on this forum?

shadesdk
03-28-2012, 01:03 PM
so can you girls tell me how does a client go about seeing you outside of your work for coffee entertainment or maybe a relationship or sexual relationship or what have you?

My gf is a dancer that I met at her work. In our case, she gave me her contact information without me asking. We then proceeded to write each other online pretty much constantly for some weeks and then she asked me out. From talking about it afterwards, I think if I had tried to initiate it, she would have shut it down fast.

JayATee
03-28-2012, 06:01 PM
This thread is crazy, but not surprising. Are PLs not supposed to find the answer to "stripper love" on this forum?

There's your mistake. You're here looking for "stripper love". There's no such thing.

socialreject
03-28-2012, 06:16 PM
There's your mistake. You're here looking for "stripper love". There's no such thing.

Another one bites the dust...
Can we please close this thread?

unbeleavable
03-28-2012, 06:42 PM
This thread is a public service announcement for stripper love so we can't close...like moth to a flame..lol

KeithDoxen
03-28-2012, 09:05 PM
OP:

I haven't read the whole thread, but my guess is that you are a shy, introverted, or perhaps socially awkward guy who likes trying to find love in the strip club because part of a stripper's job description is to be social with you, thus eliminating your need to approach girls or strike up a conversation with them, things that you're not particularly good at. This is going to make the strip club a very dangerous place for you to hang out. Strippers are similar to waitresses inasmuch as part of their job description is to be friendly with you and they have an economic incentive to be flirty with you (waitresses for tips, strippers to sell dances). So what's going to happen is that you are going to be convinced that every stripper that you encounter "likes" you, and you are going to spend lots of money under false pretenses and end up hating yourself because of it.

You would honestly be better off spending lots of time in coffee shops hitting on cute female baristas. Or perhaps sitting behind a bar that prefers to hire cute female bartenders. These are also girls who are paid to be social with you, and who you can try to win over, but who won't end up costing you an arm and a leg by the time they reject you. Are there guys who have met their girlfriend in the club? Of course. But that would require you to meet the one girl in a thousand who would actually grow to "like" you, probably only after you became a great spender with her and got to know her over the course of several months or even years. Do you have that kind of money to drop in strip clubs searching for that one girl in a thousand that you'll probably never meet anyway? Probably not.

Your best bet is to try and be more social and meet girls the normal way, but if you're going to try to pick up a girl who's at work, the strip club is probably the worst place to do this. Like I said, find a laid back bar with cute, flirty waitresses and become a regular there. Drink cheap domestics and flirt with them while sitting at the bar. This will set you back a few bucks a trip, instead of a few hundred bucks a trip.

yoda57us
03-29-2012, 12:46 PM
Another one bites the dust...
Can we please close this thread?

Close the thread? Why on earth would we do that? You can, of course, stop reading it any time you like...

JayATee
03-29-2012, 11:35 PM
Another one bites the dust...
Can we please close this thread?

Where's your sense of fun man?!

socialreject
03-30-2012, 10:42 AM
Where's your sense of fun man?!

Well, since you put it THAT way...
To the OP: get over her.

yoda57us
03-30-2012, 12:51 PM
Well, since you put it THAT way...
To the OP: get over her.

See? Isn't that more fun than closing the thread!

Superwoman1989
03-30-2012, 02:22 PM
well, I'm not exactly a dancer, but I'm a woman that and before I was married I allowed more than my share of men to spoil me. (I also have friends in the adult industry some are/were exotic dancers.) I didn't give the men that spoiled me much more attention (most of the time a lot less) than she gave you. it wasn't my JOB to do so per se, but I certainly didn't discourage them, I'm sure I encouraged them in a lot of ways.

when I met my husband things went fast but since I was actually interested in him I argued when he tried to pay for my lunch one day! I knew this was a man I could marry and I wanted to show him that I was a strong woman that took care of herself.
BTW- things with him may have went pretty fast, but even I knew his name before I gave him any reason to believe I was interested in him big time!
I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression, but sounds like she did her job and it was a mutually beneficial evening. you had a good time, and she made some money and possibly a new customer.
sorry if you got your feelings hurt. I just wouldn't say that strip clubs are a place to meet potential girlfriends.
Better luck next time!

TarsTone
03-31-2012, 06:52 AM
I've never understood people who ask that a thread be closed because they're annoyed by or not interested in the discussion. It must suck having a gun pointed at your head forcing you to click on threads you don't like.

GlamourRouge
03-31-2012, 08:09 AM
You would honestly be better off spending lots of time in coffee shops hitting on cute female baristas. Or perhaps sitting behind a bar that prefers to hire cute female bartenders. These are also girls who are paid to be social with you, and who you can try to win over, but who won't end up costing you an arm and a leg by the time they reject you. Are there guys who have met their girlfriend in the club? Of course. But that would require you to meet the one girl in a thousand who would actually grow to "like" you, probably only after you became a great spender with her and got to know her over the course of several months or even years. Do you have that kind of money to drop in strip clubs searching for that one girl in a thousand that you'll probably never meet anyway? Probably not.

All the baristas and bartenders I know are just as hard to get as strippers. Probably depends on the area you're in though. And they have less time to spend with you as their job is to tend to making drinks. With strippers, at least you can pay them for their time if you need the chase.

KeithDoxen
03-31-2012, 09:03 AM
All the baristas and bartenders I know are just as hard to get as strippers. Probably depends on the area you're in though. And they have less time to spend with you as their job is to tend to making drinks. With strippers, at least you can pay them for their time if you need the chase.

This guy doesn't "need the chase" though. This guy needs to learn the basics of social interaction with women. A strip club would not be a good place for a guy like him to do that, because he'll be taken in by every hustle and end up spending his student loan money every semester on whichever girl manages him to convince him that she "likes" him. Sure, he'll be shot down too by the cute female bartender at the neighborhood bar, but at least that won't set him back thousands of dollars (and he'll learn a valuable lesson in so doing).