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tinydancer23
04-02-2012, 12:58 PM
Depends on their agreement with their partner.

Also isnt my business.

this all damn day.

as far as in my relationship...i'm polyamorous and i'm partnered to two monogamous people. they chose to be monogamous (idgaf whether they are as long as they're happy). i have one rule - be honest. i don't care if you watch porn, go to strip clubs, watch camgirls, fuck other people, whatever, as long as you're honest about it. and if there's a problem in the relationship, you damn well better be honest about that too. i don't worry about them cheating on me because they don't have a reason to cheat. the only time there's ever been an issue is if they are uncomfortable telling me the truth about something (like a fetish they're afraid i'll think is weird/bad/gross, as a real life example that's come up for us) - but usually once they tell me and realize it's not a big deal, everything is fine. trust is established over a period of time...i know i can trust them and they know they can trust me because we've shown each other that over a period of time. i know that i'm enough for them and they're happy with me because we communicate with each other, and vice versa. sometimes we get insecure but it's not a huge deal, and it's not the sort of pathological, persistent insecurity i see in other relationships. which honestly doesn't make sense to me. if you don't believe your partner loves you and wants to be with you, and you don't trust them, why are you in a relationship with them?

i wanted to say - i agree with different strokes for different folks, as hayden said, but i also agree with what was said before about double standards. if your partner thinks it's okay for them to watch porn and not okay for you, that is a big huge fucking red flag for me. it's also an issue that comes up CONSTANTLY in polyamorous relationships - usually a man thinks it's okay for him to have multiple female partners but not for his female partners to have other partners. that's poly drama 101 right there. double standards are hella fucked up, whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, swinging, kinky, or whatever.

cherryblossomsinspring
04-02-2012, 03:15 PM
LOL. Invalid.

There are TONS of people who are 100% happy in open/polyamous/kink-freaky/swinger relationships. They have sex and/or relationships with bigger and smaller cocks, women, white men, black men, cages, whips, sadists, masochists, I could go on and on.

If a "cheap ass porn dvd" is the straw that breaks the camels back to your plain-jane vanilla relationship then you have other problems. You are just saying a porn dvd is what killed it to default your problems onto. Lame.

Try: Lack of trust, lack of communication, lack of honesty, lack of self-esteem, ultimatums. Or that the two of you just simply weren't compatible because he wants someone who won't put his cock and his MIND in an imaginary chastity cage.

To echo Glamour, men are sexual creatures and hardwired for multiple partners, or some other kind of stimulation. You take away his porn (which is totally harmless! unless he has some crazy obsession with it, who is he sticking his dick into and who is he sleeping with every-night??), forbid him from masturbating, and then every other night you "have a headache" - you are dumb to think a man will just sit and twiddle his thumbs and wait until YOU are ready for some action. THAT is the reason they wander off, to strip clubs, bars, one-night stands, cheat or until they dump your ass.

Not just men, but people do not like to be on short leashes. Why do you put something on a short leash?
You are putting something on a short leash because you. are. afraid. Simple shit.
You feel you have no control over them/don't understand them/or are afraid they are going to leave...thus, extreme rules.


Keys to keeping a relationship:

Healthy Sex Life
Honesty
Communication
Trust
High-self esteem (Not feel insecure or flip the fuck out when your guy masturbates, eyeballs another woman (he's going to do it anyway, don't kid yourselves) )
Maturity. ("I will get back at you for this and this! I don't want to talk!" and giving silly "no masturbating!" ultimatums. etc will be the end of your relationship most likely)


The end.


(*you - as in the context of everyone, not the person I quoted.)

Invalid?? Wrong! It's been tested and it happens.

Now we know damn well that men are would not be ok with coming home and seeing something in their lady's porn stash that doesn't resemble them in the least bit. That would create serious insecurity issues. That's why I said try it and see. I'm not talking about a guy that's dating a Sex Worker I'm talking about the guy that wouldn't.

The Double standard bullshit exists. If you don't think so ask some of your non adult friends to try it and see what happens. If anyone is on the leash in this society it's the damn women.

The people in polyamourous relationships for some reason never seem to be open to both sexes equally if you've noticed. The guy wants to fuck the girl and her girlfriends but you never see her bringing men home for him to fuck. He may be ok with her fucking around with other guys but he would never be ok with a hard dick stuck up his ass. Hmm I wonder why?

Old saying goes , "If you're too free you have nothing" which is why I don't understand having a relationship thats between two people where they have so many other people running in and out. Again the parameters of that relationship is between those involved. I may not get it but if it works between those people then have at it.

Now getting on the "short leash". Who's putting anyone on a leash? Is he such a dog that he has to run after every pussy on the street?
I'm tired of women making excuses for why men can fuck around and " he's just being a guy". Like we've become so technologically advanced and landed on the fucking moon but hey he still needs to bang or look at as many women as possible because they just don't have no damn self control.

Sorry if you feel you need to keep a man by loaning his ass out then fine that's you. That book will never be yours after everyone gets their greedy, greasy food covered hands all over the pages.

I feel women are more so insecure when they sit back and say sure go for it, as long as you come home to me. What kind of self loathing bullshit is that? Why aren't you feeling that you're enough for him. The men I've been with used to want me all the fucking time. I mean were masturbating to my pics when I wasn't home. Now women are like well sure , hell I'll buy you your own porn? I can't make my half of the bills this month but sure go ahead and spend a few hundred on cam models? What the fuck??? Your man is your man. Why the fuck is this he's out there doing whatever and you're struggling to pay for shit that he's paying for someone else? That makes no fucking sense.

If you man wants variety then get some fucking costumes, find some make up tutorials and be that other bitch! Blond today , Brunette tomorrow!

The man I was with I dressed up in all kinds of shit. It was fucking fun and kept shit interesting. He did the same thing too. But instead we're going to tell him sure go spend your money on some other woman? WTF? Sure masturbate thinking about the neighbor. A man will fuck any woman that's giving it to him until something better comes along. I've even seen men openly look at other women right there in front of their gf's face. It's so fucking rude but hey " that's what men do" so don't complain?

Porn and all that other shit is told to men at a young age that " this is what all men do". If he was taught otherwise who the hell knows what men would do today.

What the fuck were men doing before dirty mags and porn? Ohh looking at catalogs in shitty news print? Come on now.

Guys will do what women allow them to get away with. That's why guys at the strip club don't want girls with glitter or strong perfume on. Why is that? Because they would be divorced if caught in there. Some naked girl sitting on your lap whispering in your ear while I'm making homemade pot pie and putting your alien head babies to bed? Done!!!!!

For those that are not in the sex industry try the " get your own porn" method and see how the shit hits the fan.

Even the guys that go to strip clubs if their wives were doing even half the shit they did , the guy would not have it. Go figure... It's more do as I say not as I do.

tinydancer23
04-02-2012, 03:29 PM
The people in polyamourous relationships for some reason never seem to be open to both sexes equally if you've noticed. The guy wants to fuck the girl and her girlfriends but you never see her bringing men home for him to fuck. He may be ok with her fucking around with other guys but he would never be ok with a hard dick stuck up his ass. Hmm I wonder why?

people like what they like. polyamory doesn't change someone's sexual orientation. (and for the record, one of my partners likes having my hard silicone dick up his ass. just saying.)


Sorry if you feel you need to keep a man by loaning his ass out then fine that's you. That book will never be yours after everyone gets their greedy, greasy food covered hands all over the pages.

I feel women are more so insecure when they sit back and say sure go for it, as long as you come home to me. What kind of self loathing bullshit is that? Why aren't you feeling that you're enough for him.

for me, having multiple partners has nothing to do with one of them "not being enough for me." so that's why i'd assume the same if they decided to date someone else. i'm secure enough in myself that i don't need to think i own them to have a happy relationship. and i don't have to be chasing after them to see who they're talking to or whatever because i know they will be honest with me. i also don't think i need to jump through hoops or change who i am so i can "keep" them. because i don't own them.

edited to add: and i find the metaphor of human beings as things that are somehow spoiled by "use" to be pretty disgusting and objectifying, no matter who it's aimed at. it's also a metaphor that's used against sex workers and rape victims regularly.

ManyRoses
04-02-2012, 04:07 PM
Yeep! So much anger! Obviously you are very clear on your own relationship parameters, but I feel like I have to respond to this...

"Now we know damn well that men are would not be ok with coming home and seeing something in their lady's porn stash that doesn't resemble them in the least bit. That would create serious insecurity issues. That's why I said try it and see. I'm not talking about a guy that's dating a Sex Worker I'm talking about the guy that wouldn't."
For the record, I own porn (I LOVE porn) and it involves a few guys who are definitely NOT my man, and it doesn't bother him in the slightest. Most of it looks like him, but that's because, well, he's my type. Honestly, I prefer him watching the girls that look nothing like me - it makes more sense to me, and has no level of "is she a "better" version of me" because she is so totally different. He has talked about feeling the same.

"The people in polyamourous relationships for some reason never seem to be open to both sexes equally if you've noticed. The guy wants to fuck the girl and her girlfriends but you never see her bringing men home for him to fuck. He may be ok with her fucking around with other guys but he would never be ok with a hard dick stuck up his ass. Hmm I wonder why? "
I wouldn't call us polyamorous (I'm not a label fan) but we bring people home to play with. Thus far, it is EXACTLY EQUAL men to women. He usually doesn't fuck the guys, because that is not his orientation, but he brings em home for me to fuck!

Sorry if you feel you need to keep a man by loaning his ass out then fine that's you. That book will never be yours after everyone gets their greedy, greasy food covered hands all over the pages.
This feels like a fairly offensive statement - I hope it wasn't intended that way! Because he "loans me out" so to speak, and I don't feel like I'm some nasty, food smeared, dirty object. Nor do I feel the same way about him. And we don't feel like we are keeping each other - what "keeps" my man is having a wonderful, loving relationship, where we talk, listen, share dreams, balance each other out, help each other, and enjoy the same things - including sexual tendancies.


I feel women are more so insecure when they sit back and say sure go for it, as long as you come home to me. What kind of self loathing bullshit is that? Why aren't you feeling that you're enough for him.
My boyfriend is more than enough for me, but I enjoy the thrill of new partners and multiple partners, and so does he. If we didn't do it, I wouldn't feel left out, but I like watching others have sex!!! I AM enough for him, thats why he stays with me, loves me, and fucks me every day!

I can't make my half of the bills this month but sure go ahead and spend a few hundred on cam models? What the fuck??? Your man is your man. Why the fuck is this he's out there doing whatever and you're struggling to pay for shit that he's paying for someone else? That makes no fucking sense.
We've pretty much ALL said in this thread that it would be a problem if money were a problem.

I really get the overall feeling from this post that you think that only MEN want variety, to watch porn, etc etc - that is not true at ALL! So many women love porn, love a more open relationship...we're not all just doing it becuase "our man" wants us to!! And I don't watch porn because I am unsatisfied with my partner, and want something else - I watch it for a multitude of reasons - maybe because I want to fantasise about something that I would never actually do in real life (massive orgies, really, really brutally rough sex) or CAN'T do in real life (YAY tentacle porn!). Maybe I just want to do something totally different. And we fuck other people because no amount of wigs and makeup in the whole world will allow me to give him the feeling of two tongues on his dick at the same time!!

I wonder if you have had some bad experiences with men with double standards, because the guys in my life (especially my partner) are wonderful, open minded people who would NEVER behave the way you describe.

Fridays
04-02-2012, 04:43 PM
for the record.. if someone thinks they;re in a "relationship" yet they share their partner with others.., willingly .... to my standards that is NOT a relationship..
This is just how I feel..........
Im just extremely old school.
step 1; get married:)
step 2 have kids }:D
step 3; live happily ever after.::)
No bullshiting around lol>:(

edit I added some emotes... lol

cherryblossomsinspring
04-02-2012, 05:00 PM
Yeep! So much anger! Obviously you are very clear on your own relationship parameters, but I feel like I have to respond to this...

Of course I was pissed off I was in the half way through writing my post and I deleted it by mistake. So excuse my f* and s**.

Happy for you and your OPEN relationship. That's you and again I have no issues with it because I wouldn't be in one. If you're happy with "sharing is caring" great. Again I don't care about that.

My discussion was for the norm or better "typical" relationships. We already know that swingers, open relationships are far and few between. Most people are not in those. We're on an adult board so the world tends to be adult lifestyle orientated here but you will not find that as the norm or the typical for most households. Most cam models have listed "bi" in some form and when I say most it's roughly around 80%. So you're open to both sexes good for you. But bi individuals are probably around 10% of the population.

I'm talking about the 90% here and the traditional relationships. Not a swingers gala. Of course you're open to other relationships so what's porn or a cam model to you when you're bringing home women for you and your man to have sex with? Seriously my comment wasn't meant for you or anyone under that lifestyle.

It was meant for the women that are with one man and only want ONE MAN. Not man , girl , girl's best friend , man across the street etc etc.

So hopefully you didn't take offense to a comment that wasn't meant for you in the first place.

But your post was great in showing why you wouldn't care or may even encourage your bf to spend on a cam model. Actually you'd probably think why do that when "we" can go out and find someone for some real sex.

So my post was for those again : Not In Open Relationships where you have sex with other people.

cherryblossomsinspring
04-02-2012, 05:06 PM
Just to add that 80% "bi" stamp is typically 100% bullshit. I remember someone on here complaining that the cam models weren't really bisexual at all and they were having a hard time finding real bisexual women. Now women putting bi is so they can get money from whoever wants to spend it. Money doesn't discriminate so they don't care. Plus men seem to get turned on when they think a girl is bi because they can finally live out some two girl fantasy. Again most of that 80% is probably less than half. Or maybe it's bi for pay who knows. We don't go home and find out what every cam model fucks and who cares really?

ManyRoses
04-02-2012, 06:24 PM
for the record.. if someone thinks they;re in a "relationship" yet they share their partner with others.., willingly .... to my standards that is NOT a relationship..
This is just how I feel..........
Im just extremely old school.
step 1; get married:)
step 2 have kids }:D
step 3; live happily ever after.::)
No bullshiting around lol>:(

edit I added some emotes... lol

Really????? I mean, fair enough, its up to you how you define your OWN relationships, but you are saying that I am not in a relationship????

So, I have been with ONE MAN for years. We live together, we share everything, we combine paychecks, we file taxes together as common law, we know each others friends, families and workmates, we are each others emergencies contacts, we are on each others insurance plans, we plan our future together as a couple, and we are intending to get married. We are monogamous (to our minds) in that we do not have any sexual encounters that do not involve the other partner, but because once or twice a year, we bring home a person or two to join in our sex life, we are not in a relationship????????

We also aren't bullshitting around - we met, we fell in love, we started dating, moved on to living together, and are now talking about getting married. Simple, straightforward, and as far as I am concerned, pretty darn storybook, except that occasionally Cinderella and Prince Charming invite Snow White and HER Prince Chraming over for a little strip poker....

Fridays
04-02-2012, 06:35 PM
if its occasional, I guess its ok... LOL
its the open relationships that Im taking about..

ManyRoses
04-02-2012, 06:38 PM
I have a question for those who do consider it cheating - where do you draw the line? Is it the interaction that does it, or is it the actual orgasming? In either case, do you then consider strippers and/or traditional porn to be cheating? Fantasies? Masturbation? Close femal friendships? Burlesque shows?

I'd like to know how you would define "cheating". For me, it has to involve an actual physical/sexual desire ON BOTH SIDES, or full, physical sex in person that is not pre-arranged as part of the relationship.

ManyRoses
04-02-2012, 06:43 PM
Sorry, sexual desire that is acknowledged and acted on.

tinydancer23
04-02-2012, 07:16 PM
if its occasional, I guess its ok... LOL
its the open relationships that Im taking about..

happily married to two guys in an "open" relationship. we're living happily ever after. no kids though - not for me :) being happy and committed long-term and being polyamorous are not mutually exclusive.

Incantatious
04-02-2012, 07:32 PM
Everybody defines their relationship differently, looks for different things, and have different boundaries and priorities; as long as they BOTH are cool with where they stand, it's cool.

It's still a relationship for as long as... it's a relationship: They have chosen to identify one another as their partners.

I think these kinds of conversations can get out of hand if people start to question one another's relationships by the standards they set for their personal lives and what they're (or what they really wouldn't be) comfortable with. Whether it's people in monogamous relationships that don't understand the way, for example, swingers may conduct their relationships, and find fault with the complete sexual openness and lack of boundaries; or people in swinging relationships who don't understand the boundaries of the monogamous couple.

There is no actual problem with any relationship set-up, because the main thing is that the two people in the relationship are happy. It has nothing really to do with anybody else...

Marina Starr
04-02-2012, 07:34 PM
http://i184.photobucket.com/albums/x311/melaniamai/tumblr_m0cthvcRf11qz8dqzo1_500.gif

tinydancer23
04-02-2012, 07:42 PM
There is no actual problem with any relationship set-up, because the main thing is that the two people in the relationship are happy. It has nothing really to do with anybody else...
this.

Babeshell
04-02-2012, 11:00 PM
I have a question for those who do consider it cheating - where do you draw the line? Is it the interaction that does it, or is it the actual orgasming? In either case, do you then consider strippers and/or traditional porn to be cheating? Fantasies? Masturbation? Close femal friendships? Burlesque shows?

I'd like to know how you would define "cheating". For me, it has to involve an actual physical/sexual desire ON BOTH SIDES, or full, physical sex in person that is not pre-arranged as part of the relationship.

I do not put this cheating in the same patamar as fucking-another-woman-cheating..
Close female friend is not cheating, burlesque show like the sensual cool type that Dita von Teese does is not cheating, find someone pretty and admire it is not cheating at all, and its actually very healthy..

but when it turns to sneaking around the house to look for that special girl (or random.. guess it doesnt matter)to fantasize to, and when i get home and wanna fuck I cant cause he "too tired" then its a fucking problem!!!
Im a veery sexual type of girl, and being denied sex because my so was "dreaming" he was fucking someone is a fucking deal breaker for me in the long run
.
I would not have a problem with it if we are watching together and fucking, for example. Its like you and your husband doing your little parties with another couple/friends, but if he starts doing it behind your back with girls you dont know and u find out would it be a deal? I also dont know where cheating starts in your relationship, so, im sorry if im doing a stupid comparison.. but I think you got my point.

Plus, I dont think porn should be that big of thing to stop if your girl is unhappy/suffering, and if OBVIOUSLY she wants to fuck and you cant because u were jerking off half-hour ago to your favorite camgirl..
cant i consider it "affecting/harming" my relationship?

When you get home and wear your best lingerie, sits on your husbands lap and he declines you because his dick wont get hard (from wanking and being satisfied already)? Or the sex will be soso since he has already cummed and satisfied his sexual urge of the day... fuck that

I dont know how sexual some of the girls are, and maybe some are not as sexual as me and dont suffer it because of this reason...
but Im used to my ex relationship.. fucking whenever we felt like, 2x 3x or 4x a day if necessary, sharing our sexual fantasies (yes, you can fantasize WITH your partner) and yes, watching porn together for the kinky situation and enjoying each other...

So.. yes.. the guy got 2 options: deal with it and stop it, or be happy with his porn.. byebye

Babeshell
04-02-2012, 11:13 PM
I think Im pretty reasonable when it comes to freedom, compared to the standard girl u see out there.. I dont give a damn if hes going out with friends to bars, or playing videogames all day long, drinking beer everyday single day, and doing shit in his car all saunday if he wants to... seriously.. i dont give a fuck..
Plus, I know I have a great body which guys paid tons of money just to see dancing clothed on the fucking webcam (it must mean something right? lol) and am very sexually open if you wanna know, I love giving blowjobs, anal, sex in public areas, change my hair, bdsm.,. and to be very honest with enough alcohol in my veins and a good looking couple of friends I would be down for a lil private party..

but being "exchanged" for fucking porn just makes me feel cheated, specially when I wanna have sex and I cant cause my husband was doing it in his mind with someone else... how ridiculous does it sound?
it makes me wanna go out and fuck the first okay looking guy I see lol...no, seriously (and no, im not big o touching my self or using dildos.. I'm used to the real thing.. maybe I should blame my ex for this?)
.
When you start a relationship you always have to give up on something... every single choice in your life you are giving up on others choices
Know what? I dont care much for watching but Im a total exhibitionist.. I really can get off doing it..I love the attention, I like wearing skimpy clothes..
But hey.. it hurts my freaking so.. It makes him feel insecure, and Im wanting attention from other guys, like his attention is not enough.. so what do I do?
I decide what is more important in my life.. show off and be a naughty-naughty girl, or stay with him.


I think it should be valid to my partner as well.. what in the fuck is more important? Is it soo hard to give up on porn? (taking in consideration that im sexual and willing..alll the time..lol)
If it is that big of deal to give up on something thats hurting your relationship then get the fuck out of my face and stop wasting my time.. Im not gonna be alone.. lol..

Peachesxo
04-02-2012, 11:32 PM
Relationships are freakin' complicated.
This thread reminds me why I've stayed single and celobate for the past 2 years.


http://i1108.photobucket.com/albums/h411/Amaltheaxox/Foreveralone.gif

Babeshell
04-03-2012, 01:22 AM
hahah Peaches.. my life was so much easier :p maybe i will be in your team soon ahhhaa

ManyRoses
04-03-2012, 03:23 PM
Babeshell - I find it interesting that you assume that if a guy is watching porn/camgirls/whatever then your sex life is suffering! Or that it is a choice between porn and you.

I absolutely agree that if your sex life is suffering, then it is a problem. Same as if he can't get it up thinking of you, or would rather watch porn than have sex with you, or wants to spend time in a cam girls room RATHER than with you. But I think that that is the minority of cases.

What I'm talking about is just the normal guy who watches some porn when his girlfriend isn't home, when he's bored, when his gf is asleep or whatever. Its not an either/or situation, to my mind (and if it is, then I still don't consider it "cheating" but I DO consider it a problem). Same as that I watch porn when he's at work and I'm feeling randy - I'm still all horny for him when he gets back!

For me the option isn't either girlfriend OR porn, its just girlfriend FIRST, then porn. As long as we are having a happy sex life, why would it matter how else he gets his jollies? But maybe that is because we BOTH have such high sex drives, we can have sex every day (or near enough!) and both jack off as well....

To me, so much of this isn't about cheating - it is about generally not having a respectful, open, or balanced relationship!

TheBrownFox
04-03-2012, 03:38 PM
http://i.backpackgnome.com/15747708124cb134d7046ad5.89891780.jpg

kortneykay
04-03-2012, 03:56 PM
I don't mind my husband watching porn/cam girls (though he never pays for it lol) I watch porn too, I believe in having a "self love" relationship outside of the actual relationship. I'd probably be exhausted if he came to me every time he wanted to bust a nut which is already a lot as it is lol.

Babeshell
04-03-2012, 04:02 PM
Babeshell - I find it interesting that you assume that if a guy is watching porn/camgirls/whatever then your sex life is suffering! Or that it is a choice between porn and you.

I absolutely agree that if your sex life is suffering, then it is a problem. Same as if he can't get it up thinking of you, or would rather watch porn than have sex with you, or wants to spend time in a cam girls room RATHER than with you. But I think that that is the minority of cases.

What I'm talking about is just the normal guy who watches some porn when his girlfriend isn't home, when he's bored, when his gf is asleep or whatever. Its not an either/or situation, to my mind (and if it is, then I still don't consider it "cheating" but I DO consider it a problem). Same as that I watch porn when he's at work and I'm feeling randy - I'm still all horny for him when he gets back!

For me the option isn't either girlfriend OR porn, its just girlfriend FIRST, then porn. As long as we are having a happy sex life, why would it matter how else he gets his jollies? But maybe that is because we BOTH have such high sex drives, we can have sex every day (or near enough!) and both jack off as well....

To me, so much of this isn't about cheating - it is about generally not having a respectful, open, or balanced relationship!


Maybe its bad luck but the few guys I had that liked porn too much were like this.. not enough sexual energy, at least, not enough for me...

and if the girl is not at home, she will be anytime soon.. then if she wants sex and he will be satisfied?? it sucks..
i feel like these guys that like porn to much kinda get incapacitated/numb for the real thing

Charlotteslut
04-03-2012, 04:26 PM
Lol this thread. Well, as I've said...I think not letting your partner fap to porn is selfish to me. However, I also don't think that keeping someone "on a short lease" ever justifies cheating. If you are unhappy, you leave...you don't cheat. People can define relationships however they want to.

The only reason one man and one woman in a monogamous couple seems to be the default "valid" relationship for many people is because of many, many centuries of religious and social history conditioning our mindsets.

ManyRoses
04-03-2012, 04:46 PM
Maybe its bad luck but the few guys I had that liked porn too much were like this.. not enough sexual energy, at least, not enough for me...

and if the girl is not at home, she will be anytime soon.. then if she wants sex and he will be satisfied?? it sucks..
i feel like these guys that like porn to much kinda get incapacitated/numb for the real thing

It really does sound like you have had some shitty luck! Although often if a guy has been single for a while, it can take a little reminder in the beginning...

I also think that there are common sense levels - is your SO going to be home in half an hour? Maaaaybe hold off on the porn till you see if she/he wants some. Your SO isn't going to be home for nine hours? Well, go nuts (pun intended!).

I really do think that its often just something for them to do when bored, and has little to no impact on their horniness...its like eating when you are bored, not hungry. You'll probably still have dinner later....

Babeshell
04-03-2012, 11:51 PM
Lets say some guys doesnt have enough sexual energy to match me, and watching porn might just make it worse..

But really, I think part of me thinking like this is that my first (and longest - 5 years) relationship I had was with a guy that wasnt a big fan of porn, always had been into real thing and he's very monogamous as well.. the few times he masturbated was either with me on the phone or in the shower (which i really dont care)
we used to fuck aaaall the time, everyday, always together and sharing all our fantasies and stuff... we pretty much broke up because I had to move to USA..(long history short..)

since then I dated 2 americans.. both with porn "problems".. something that never happened to me before (shit, my ex didnt even had a computer lol).. and having to "share" it with my boyfriend/husband was just something I didnt know and never learned how to deal with.. so.. it SUCKS!!!

I really miss the relationship I had, where i felt completed and completely on top of my guy's sexual desire.. that was real good..

Babeshell
04-03-2012, 11:57 PM
let alone being denied sex(which never happened before neither.. i guess we were both nymphos? :p), and later on finding out that the fucker watched porn earlier...
reallyy.. its too much for a girl that never experienced this, and all of a sudden see herself in this situation...well, this is one of the reaons I went for camming, I wanted attention and feel desired, cause my so wanst completing me in this aspect..

ManyRoses
04-04-2012, 02:45 PM
Lets say some guys doesnt have enough sexual energy to match me, and watching porn might just make it worse..

But really, I think part of me thinking like this is that my first (and longest - 5 years) relationship I had was with a guy that wasnt a big fan of porn, always had been into real thing and he's very monogamous as well.. the few times he masturbated was either with me on the phone or in the shower (which i really dont care)
we used to fuck aaaall the time, everyday, always together and sharing all our fantasies and stuff... we pretty much broke up because I had to move to USA..(long history short..)

since then I dated 2 americans.. both with porn "problems".. something that never happened to me before (shit, my ex didnt even had a computer lol).. and having to "share" it with my boyfriend/husband was just something I didnt know and never learned how to deal with.. so.. it SUCKS!!!

I really miss the relationship I had, where i felt completed and completely on top of my guy's sexual desire.. that was real good..

All I can say is that I am sorry that you lost a relationship where you were so happy - but please, please don't blame porn for bad experiences since then!! It just sounds like you have met some guys who didn't have the sex drive that you do (or that the timing didn't match up - no good having two people who are incredibly horny if one is turned on early in the morning and the other late at night!) and because they watched porn and your previous guy didn't, you have connected it in your mind that porn is the problem!

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that there are cases where that IS an issue, but I don't think it is the majority of cases. And I would hate for you to lose out on a great guy because he watches porn, and you assume that he won't make you feel happy and fulfilled because of it! Ditch these morons who don't make you feel appreciated, and hang on for the guy that does, porn or no!

(Sorry - this got kinda off topic....its just a subject that I feel really strongly about! I feel like porn is such a scapegoat for so many problems in society, and because what we do is considered porn (even when it is not in a studio) I don't like the thought that people blame ME personally because they aren't happy!! I hate being the girl who gets shunned by other women because they ha a relationship "ruined by porn" and that is MY fault. Must. Stand. Up. For. Porn.... lol)

Babeshell
04-04-2012, 04:31 PM
i see what you pointed there, and thank you for your words :)

But really, theres no way I can't blame porn for this behavior. Because since he put a porn blocker in his computer (and I have the password... yes, it was his initiative) our sexual life changed 1x a week(and his dick going soft every now and then) to 5x a week now(hard rock cock..tmi lol). And he agrees that his sexual desire definitely has increase more for me now. I think that if with porn was harmless there would not be sites like this one: http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

with tons of guys having the desire for their wives and for the real sex decrease, plus ed problems in real sex only and for no apparent reason

but hey!! Definitely its NOT the camgirls or pornstars fault.. I think porn is good for single guys, or for couples to have fun together (I just dont agree with doing it separately)..
blame the girls in porn for the marriages that go bad because of it, Is like blaming the candy when the kid eats it secretly before dinner..

lol

bubblegumbitch
04-04-2012, 05:19 PM
sorry to say but 95% of the guys that 'cum' to us are either married or have a gf so if u think that porn is to blame in the 'problems' of relationships then u urself is contributing to that. i myself don't think porn is the blame at all, it is just another thing to blame the relationships' problems on. to think that it is only ok for single men to jack off to us is laughable. i am not trying to be rude here but we are in the business of selling ourselves to 'unavailable men' - we wouldn't be making a living if they stopped paying us. most single men are out getting actual tail while the 'unavailable guys' are paying us to wank off to. ppl need to fix what is going wrong in the relationships before they start pointing fingers at porn. just cuz the problems have to do with sex, it is such an easy scapegoat to say "porn ruined our relationship" instead of trying to work together and communicate what the problems are. you babeshell, have had ur run of bad luck with assholes who didn't even care to try to fix the sexual problems in ur relationship. believe me, i have had them too. no sex for months, they were so selfish and only thought of themselves first. assholes tend to get like that when the relationship becomes stale. they are selfish pricks who only care for themselves. just like some guys that don't even care to bother getting you off and only care about them finishing. don't blame it on porn, blame it on the selfish assholes who didn't care to take care of ur sexual needs.

ManyRoses
04-04-2012, 05:36 PM
i myself don't think porn is the blame at all, it is just another thing to blame the relationships' problems on.
ppl need to fix what is going wrong in the relationships before they start pointing fingers at porn. just cuz the problems have to do with sex, it is such an easy scapegoat to say "porn ruined our relationship" instead of trying to work together and communicate what the problems are.
don't blame it on porn, blame it on the selfish assholes who didn't care to take care of ur sexual needs.

This. Thisthisthisthisthis!!!! It is SO much easier for most women to say "its just because he is looking at all this porn" rather than "holy shit, I'm with a selfish douche who isn't worrying about my sexual satisfaction at all!"

Its a chicken and egg thing - selfish guys who only care about their own sexual satisfaction will probably be whacking off to porn, then not doing their wives/gfs because they don't feel like it at that exact second. But that is because they are selfish!! Sexual selfishness leads to porn, not porn leads to sexual selfishness!!

(For the record, I am meaning that in a general sense, babeshell, not intending it as a comment on your relationship - sounds like you guys have managed to get it sorted!)

Babeshell
04-04-2012, 07:12 PM
At the end of the day, what I learned with this thread is that each relationship is different... i had my own experience and we both know exactly where the problem was (he took awhile to see it, but he did and theres no questioning it)
Some relationships do great with individual use of porn, other relationships do just fine without porn (some guys doesnt have a problem with giving it up as long as they are getting real pussy, and others just dont think its that great), and other relationships do just fine with exchanging partners for fun every now and then..


so, yeah, I dont think any of the opinions are laughable... I actually think that all opinions are respectable, because every girl (and guys too) has its own limits and limitations...

we have a saying in Brazil that translated would be "Theres an old pair of shoes to every tired pair of feet"

I think it's sad that some girls think that my opinion or feelings are laughable, cause I know what I felt in my relationship and that was real and no different than feeling cheated, I really wish i werent like this, but i dont think i have a choice..

oh well.. but its not like a give a fuck to what others think anyway lol

ManyRoses
04-04-2012, 07:18 PM
At the end of the day, what I learned with this thread is that each relationship is different... i had my own experience and we both know exactly where the problem was (he took awhile to see it, but he did and theres no questioning it)
Some relationships do great with individual use of porn, other relationships do just fine without individual porn/masturbation (some guys doesnt have a problem with giving it up as long as they are getting real pussy, and others just dont think its that great), and other relationships do just fine with exchanging partners for fun every now and then..

so, yeah, I dont think any of the opinions are laughable... I actually think that all opinions are respectable, because every girl (and guys too) has its own limits and limitations...

we have a saying in Brazil that translated would be "Theres an old pair of shoes to every tired pair of feet"

I think it's sad that some girls think that my opinion or feelings are laughable, cause I know what I felt in my relationship and that was real and no different than feeling cheated, I really wish i werent like this, but i dont think i have a choice..

oh well.. but its not like a give a fuck to what others think anyway lol

I actually don't think that bubblegumbitch was saying that YOUR feelings are laughable - you have said many times that each relationship is different, and I don't think that you are saying that "only single men should watch porn", just that your specific man right now doesn't have the ability to watch porn and keep up with you...but maybe I am misreading that.

Babeshell
04-04-2012, 11:56 PM
nah.. i dont care what other men do lol..but I really am not fine with my man watching porn, 1st becasue from what I've seen, guys that watch porn cant keep up with me and I do believe it drains his sexual energy (even the other girls said.."if my guyt stopped watching porn he would wanna fuck me more than I can take", etc..).. and 2nd because i feel disrespected, and I dont think I can control it.. it is how I feel, and its a deal breaker for me in the long run. But thats my opinion applying for my relationship only.

Lets say I have a married guy friend that watches porn, Im not gonna look down on him or think hes doing something wrong..lol, unless he tells me that his girl is upset and he asks my opinion :p

Babeshell
04-05-2012, 12:02 AM
Something that people say about the subject and makes me feel sick is " Its better to watch porn than go around and cheat on you with real pussy"

really? so how isnt it an "escape" for cheating?.. I have to choose between he cheating on me, or trying to calm down his urge to cheat on me? if he wants to fuck around so much just go then, Im not gonna hold him back.. lol

(I know its not the case for many guys that watch porn.. but Im pointing out why I disagree with this phrase that many use to justify the porn watching habit)

ManyRoses
04-05-2012, 12:02 AM
nah.. i dont care what other men do lol..but I really am not fine with my man watching porn, 1st becasue from what I've seen, guys that watch porn cant keep up with me and I do believe it drains his sexual energy (even the other girls said.."if my guyt stopped watching porn he would wanna fuck me more than I can take", etc..).. and 2nd because i feel disrespected, and I dont think I can control it.. it is how I feel, and its a deal breaker for me in the long run. But thats my opinion applying for my relationship only.

Lets say I have a married guy friend that watches porn, Im not gonna look down on him or think hes doing something wrong..lol, unless he tells me that his girl is upset and he asks my opinion :p

So I really don't think that bubblegum was directing her comments toward you - and it absolutely up to you to set the parameters of your own relationship! If you are both happy, then that is fantastic, and you are luck to have a happy relationship...

Thanks for making interesting comments, btw, and not getting all drama-y and offended! MWAH!

bookslut
04-05-2012, 12:09 AM
[QUOTE=roast;2322345]Depends on their agreement with their partner.

QUOTE]

this right here---- i know girls that would be livid if their boyfriend was looking at porn let alone paying a girl to perform just for him, but i know others that wouldn't care.

the first situation could be cheating, the second is not.

bubblegumbitch
04-05-2012, 07:54 AM
babeshell, i am truly sorry if i hurt ur feelings hun. i wasn't saying that ur opinion is laughable. what i meant by that is "to think that it is only ok for single men to jack off to us is laughable." NOT YOU personally but in general. i am truly sorry that i came off callous to you in my post. you must understand that this is a very hot topic with us all and we all do have our strong opinions on the matter. i agree that i should have been alot more gentle to ur feelings in my post since you were hurt so badly by the assholes in your life. i whole heartily respect everyone's opinions even though i may not agree.

@manyroses - thanx for clarifying that for me, when i wasn't around to diffuse the misunderstanding quick enough. i went out and had some drink last night with some friends and boy am i feeling it today, ugh. but thanx girly :)

Babeshell
04-05-2012, 11:18 AM
Oh!! I re-read and I got your point!! hahaha Im sorry bubble!
That is true, its a hot topic, but the conversation was interesting, and I think we all could see a lil bit of each case here :) Its cool

While I was camming I realized that I was not caring if he watched porn, cause i woulkd think: "So what? I had like 400+ guys in my room at MFC jerking off to me today" lol
but he didnt accept me camming (I was a non nude/ non masturbation girl.. just dancing in lingerie, or showing boobies in group) and we both decided to stop doing things that hurted each other ( he didnt like the feeling of having me watching other guys dicks neither.. lol)


I do miss the "easy" money tho...

CourtneyRaine
04-11-2012, 11:03 AM
I didn't read all of the replies, forgive me. I just had a "situation" last night that would be perfect to put here, please let me get this off my chest.

I believe that watching live cam models is cheating if the guy (or girl, I guess) is trying to seek out a personal relationship with the performer. I equate camming to porn, and I generally have no problem if my guy watches porn. If he is still satisfying me in bed like usual I don't care if he's jerking off on top of that to something he sees on the computer, and sometimes we'd even watch videos together while getting naughty. If it's just about the orgasm, go for it. BUT some men view cams because they start "falling" emotionally for a specific performer, and that, to me, is a violation of the relationship.

I also feel it is cheating if a guy deliberately goes out of his way to hide the fact that he is frequenting and paying other models. My ex did this to me last night and I was incredibly hurt. I feel like if you hide something it's because you have something to hide, so of course I am going to be upset with that and wondering what's really going on, or what his real intentions are. Btw, my ex is my "ex" but we are actively working on getting back together. He moved cross country after we split but he's been calling me all the time, we talk for hours every day. He constantly tells me I am the greatest love he's ever had and we're working on flying me out there to go be with him, either for a visit or perhaps permanently to live together again. We were engaged and we are talking about getting married again. He hasn't been with anyone else or even went on a date with anyone else since we split because he claims he only wants me. So, when I say he is my "ex" it is only because we are not living together again yet. He tells me he loves me every day and I am the only woman for him. We shared a child together, before I had a miscarriage last year, and neither of us have any children apart from her so we will always have a special place in each others' hearts as being the parent of our first daughter. Just a few days ago, in fact, we were talking about trying to have a baby again once our situation is sorted out and we get settled. So maybe "ex" isn't the best thing to call him. Well, at least up until last night.

I held him down for eight months when he was living with me and he didn't have a job. He just got a promotion at work so he wanted to send me some money through one of my cam sites as a way of showing his appreciation and spoiling me a little, something he has never had the means to do until now. He made a member account "[hisname]loves[mymodelname]" and bought a bunch of tokens. While he was waiting for me to come online last night he was browsing the site and sent a model a tip because (he said) she looked unhappy and no one else was tipping her, he wanted to cheer her up. I honestly, truly did not care, and in fact I was impressed that he was being a "good" customer and showing his appreciation for her time, even though she didn't do anything sexual for him (and he told her he didn't want her to, he was waiting for me). I came online, he tipped me generously, we did a show, he got off over it, then he called and said he was going to bed. He's been sick for days and he'd been complaining earlier that he is tired so he couldn't spend a lot of time with me on that site because he had to go to sleep.

Well, apparently, rather than going to bed early like he claimed all day he was going to, he created a second member account so he wouldn't be recognized, put money on it, and participated in another model's show after he was done with me. As luck would have it she and I are friendly, she put 2+2 together and recognized it was my guy, and he felt so guilty about it he ended up calling me after midnight to confess. Am I mad he payed her for a show? Absolutely not. But I am pissed as fuck that he lied to me and went behind my back in order to do so. I also feel like an ugly piece of shit because apparently I cannot satisfy him and she can, even though I am a cam model just like her. If he was jerking off to a porn star I wouldn't feel so self-conscious, as they have fancy makeup artists and production teams and editing. Yet because he was jerking off to a cam model just like me I basically feel like he spit in my face and told me I'm not as good as her, because if he felt I was, he would have no reason to hide and lie, and nothing to feel guilty about. I asked him why he called me after midnight, first words out of his mouth being, "I'm upset, I got caught." He explained the whole thing and when I asked him if he felt guilty because he was looking at someone else or if he felt guilty because he got caught, and he flat out told me it was because he got caught. Do I feel that he cheated last night? Absolutely. Not because he was masturbating to someone other than me, but because he went out of his way to not get caught, he lied to my face about what he was going to do after we were done last night, and he made me doubt my worth. I know that I am overly sensitive and insecure but I promise, I really didn't care about him tipping the first girl before me and openly telling me about it. I wouldn't even have been bothered if he told me he wanted to continue to go check out the site and watch some of the other girls after we were done. It just hurt that he couldn't continue being honest with me.

Now I feel completely unloved, unworthy, and I'm doubting my ability as a performer. Yesterday I made more in one day than I have made in some weeks, it was the best day on cam I've ever had money-wise but I still feel like a failure.

Sorry to vent. Long story short, yes, I believe it is cheating when there is deception involved but if everything is out in the open and both parties are okay with it, it's fine.

I'm off to smoke a cigarette, start drinking before noon, and cry my pretty (Ha! guess not so pretty) little eyes out.

Incantatious
04-11-2012, 11:31 AM
Damn.. I just want to say congratulations on making so much yesterday. If anything, please do take that as absolute, solid gold proof that you are one hell of a good performer my dear. His wandering eyes are no reflection on your attractiveness. Seriously.. I know that it's more about his honesty, but honestly: you have the cash to prove that you are damn fucking good at what you do...

I hope you manage to get things resolved between you and your ex.

ManyRoses
04-11-2012, 11:43 AM
Aw Courtney!! That absolutely sucks! I'm so sorry that you had a shitty time with your ex - and you are right - his lying and hiding things from you is a serious issue. Not just because it is about sex/camming but because he betrayed your trust.

Please don't assume that you are not as good as this other model, or not pretty enough, or that you can't satisfy him!! Try not to start tearing yourself to pieces or questioning yourself!!!

HUGS

CourtneyRaine
04-11-2012, 12:35 PM
Thank you SO MUCH Incantatious and ManyRoses! You have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. Yesterday I made literally SIX TIMES as much as I did the same day a month ago. My ex tipping me did help to push me over the edge but even if he hadn't, I still would have made 4-5x more than I usually do. In my head I know I am a good performer. I am not by any means a "top girl" but I have so many wonderful guys pay out the nose every day to tell me how beautiful and wonderful I am. Deep down I know I am doing something right in my cam career. It's amazing how someone you care for can take that feeling away if you allow them to, and I allowed him to. Honestly, the girl that he did a show with after me is absolutely beautiful, and on top of that she has a beautiful personality. I normally don't like when other models come in my room while I am working but she always has a kind word to say to me and has always been very supportive, it's nice when I see her pop in and chat for a little bit because she has a really great heart. In a way I am glad that if he wasn't spending money on me he was spending it on her, because she works hard and she really deserves it. She also sent me an email telling me what happened and I think she felt bad, but she shouldn't. I admire her honesty and respect for me and my relationship, and I do not fault her or harbor any ill feelings for her in any way. She was just doing her job and she deserves to be well compensated for her time, just as we all do. I wouldn't even harbor any hard feelings towards him if he just would have been upfront about it. Why couldn't he have just said, "You know what babe? I know you're working, we had fun and I made it rain for you but I know you have to focus on the other members in your room, so I'm going to go browse around the site for a while before I go to bed"? Why did he have to call me telling me, "I feel so guilty, but the thing is she was doing this upskirt thing and you know I love that"? Oh, I guess me pounding my ass for you ten minutes ago, telling you how bad I miss it and need it and making you "cum so hard bb" wasn't good enough. 'Kay.

My ex and I used to fight all the time, and when he would yell at me he would tell me how fat and ugly I am, and what a whore I am (even though he's had well more than twice as many partners as me, he just felt insecure about me camming at the time and would try to bring me down). A few nights ago he and I did a Skype show (for fun, not a business type cam show). After a while we did get naughty together but at first he was just staring at me, he didn't want me to move, he was just gazing at me with all my clothes on and this sad smile on his face and tears in his eyes telling me how beautiful I am and how much he missed my pretty face. The other night when he told me I was beautiful the first thought that popped in my mind was, "Well if I'm so pretty, why did you always tell me how ugly I am? How can I believe you when you say I am beautiful?" So I have some issues believing in myself. I've never had a great self-esteem, being with him made it worse, but since he left 8 months ago I've been building it back up and finally got to the point where I was truly believing in myself. In fact, camming and interacting with men who are so kind to me and pay me well just to interact with me has helped me tremendously in building my self-esteem. Last night I feel that all of that was negated. I know he thinks the other model is prettier than me; she is more of his "type." The issue of her appearance vs. my appearance would not have mattered to me, because I know that some men out there will prefer my look and style so it all just balances out in the end, but it does matter now that he gave it more importance by trying to hide it from me.

I am SO SORRY to thread-jack here. I figure, no use creating a new thread just to vent my drama, expecially since this is a thread about cheating and I feel cheated on.

Let me add something back on topic: I have a very high sex drive, and I satisfy myself off cam multiple times a day. I used to watch a lot of porn when I was single, but for the longest time I rarely, rarely watch porn. Usually when I fantasize to help me climax I don't need a visual aid. Instead, I always imagine my ex and the things we used to do in bed, or the things I would like to do with him in bed. So I've pretty much fell off porn, I no longer need it to get me off when I have him in my head. I don't swear off porn because I feel it is cheating, as I really don't feel it is cheating, but if you have a partner you have awesome sex with and on top of that you love them with all your heart, why can't that person be enough for you? Well, it is enough for me, and I guess it saddens me to have a "partner" who doesn't feel the same.

ManyRoses
04-11-2012, 12:54 PM
Wow - it sounds like this guy is either a total manipulative bastard who is screwing with your self esteem so that you are always trying to please him and make him "love" you more....OR he is a very screwed up person who isn't in a place where he is anywhere NEAR ready for an actual healthy relationship.

Obviously there is only so much that I can know from reading a few posts, but honey, I would kick this guy to the curb and get back to building your career, your self esteem, and getting to a point where you are ready to get involved with a guy who is actually nice to you ALL the time, not just some of it. Anyone who goes into name-calling EVER can GTFO as far as I am concerned - adults know how to have disagreements and even fights without descending to that level.

Sounds like you were doing great without him - and it sounds like you are a good performer, and should be surrounded with people who tell you how beautiful you are, and who raise you up, not bring you down.

robotron
04-11-2012, 01:23 PM
I agree that it depends on the relationship. A private with a cam model is porn which is not considered cheating in most relationships, but it is also MUCH more personal and real in that you are interacting with the porn star (oftentimes on a daily basis) and that "fantasy" is one step closer to taking the form of reality. I sure as hell consider it cheating, alot of girls might not. My husband and I don't watch porn and we don't consider it wrong to "deprive" the other of sexual fantasies with others. Alot of porn is kind of sickening imo and sets unrealistic expectations, but to each their own. Before I was married, I didn't like my boyfriends watching porn, but put up with it because pretty much all guys do it, when my ex was chatting with a sex chat girl, that's when porn becomes too personal and becomes cheating. Sorry for rambling but I'd consider it cheating, I guess that makes me a bit hypocritical because I still cam and alot of guys have girlfriends/wives, but if they don't get it from me they'd be getting it elsewhere.

CourtneyRaine
04-11-2012, 01:31 PM
Wow - it sounds like this guy is either a total manipulative bastard who is screwing with your self esteem so that you are always trying to please him and make him "love" you more....OR he is a very screwed up person who isn't in a place where he is anywhere NEAR ready for an actual healthy relationship.

Yep. To both of the above. My ex has a lot of... Issues... Let's just leave it at that. He's been diagnosed with a mental disorder (bipolar disorder) and I strongly suspect he has an emotional disorder as well (antisocial personality disorder). He hasn't been on his bipolar meds in well over a year, so there you have it. I remember how it used to be, back in the beginning when he was on medication and his mood stabilizers and antipsychotics allowed that him to be the good man he is deep down. I love him a for that, and I don't want to be the type of woman who will leave a person just because he has a chemical imbalance; I want to be the type of woman who will stand by her man and encourage him to go back on treatment so that he can be better for himself and others.

He has also been diagnosed with a fatal disease and the doctors have given him 1-2 years to live. I know he is feeling his own mortality, as am I. I do not want to abandon him when he is all alone and dealing with this by himself. I do love him, more than anyone else, and I think now more than ever he needs that love. Since I first met him I wanted to be with him for the rest of our lives, and considering that now that time frame has been cut drastically short, I just want to do everything in my power to show him how much he means to me. He has hurt me a great deal in the past. I know I have inadvertantly hurt him, too. I just feel that life is too short to dwell on the bad. I don't want to be stepped on or walked over, but I do love him and I would sacrifice myself in a heartbeat if my doing so would make him happy.

It's funny, when he started asking me about the cam site I'm on now I didn't want to tell him. Then he proposed that he would buy tokens and pay for shows just like everyone else. I am the type that will do a show for any paying customer who's of legal age, so I gave him my info. Part of me wishes I hadn't, as I would have avoided this drama and the lies. Maybe it's good I know now.

laurielegs
04-17-2012, 12:40 AM
It's funny, when he started asking me about the cam site I'm on now I didn't want to tell him. Then he proposed that he would buy tokens and pay for shows just like everyone else. I am the type that will do a show for any paying customer who's of legal age, so I gave him my info. Part of me wishes I hadn't, as I would have avoided this drama and the lies. Maybe it's good I know now.

That CAN'T be healthy for you. Be friends with him if you must (I really think that is unhealthy also honestly) but block him from your chat room. I can't see how you will be able to work with that sort of drama.

CourtneyRaine
04-17-2012, 09:16 AM
That CAN'T be healthy for you. Be friends with him if you must (I really think that is unhealthy also honestly) but block him from your chat room. I can't see how you will be able to work with that sort of drama.

Oh, it's cool, now he's going out of his way to ignore me and tip every single other model on that site (it's a small site) but not even come say hello to me. I don't know how I'm working, either, the drama is just cray cray and I'm finding myself very distracted by it, but I posted in the dear diary thread this morning since I hate thread jacking here.

Okay, back on topic, I also think it's cheating if watching cams replaces a guy's intimacy with his partner. If a guy is maintaining his usual sex life with his partner (frequency, duration, enjoyment factor, etc. remain the same) but still comes to us for a "supplemental nut," no big deal. But if a guy chooses porn/cams over having sex with his partner, I see it as cheating because he is putting the adult entertainer first and neglecting to satisfy his real partner. Been there, done that. It just doesn't feel good.

ManyRoses
04-17-2012, 07:59 PM
Giant LOL @ "supplemental nut"

Frolic
04-18-2012, 06:57 PM
Ooh I wasn't cool with porn either. I felt like " what the fuck does he need to watch that for"? So what I did to level the playing field is asked him if he would be ok if I brought home so nice DVDs of Big Cock guys.

Guess what? Shit wasn't cool then. Ohh really? I can't watch big thick hot cocks? Ohh because you don't measure up? Aww honey i still love you. Seriously shit hit the fan with that one and every bf I had that I ended up having this same conversation with all of a sudden felt their cocks were too small for me.

I think women are told to "deal" because in our society men looking at naked women is typically the norm. So for women to start doing the same would make most men feel seriously insecure.

We're supposed to be dirty sluts with them only, not fantasizing about the black guy with the mammoth cock. Most men couldn't handle it and from my experience "playing fair" almost destroyed my relationships.

Try it and you'll see. Just buy some cheap ass porn dvds and stick them behind shit around the house. Make sure the men in the videos are of a race that is mostly out of your dating pool. Then wait for the shit to hit the fan. You'll learn all you need to know based on what happens.

Note: You may either
1. End up single
2. Get cheated on
3. Get a divorce
4. Have an insecure man that will want sex more often then your vagina is used to
5. Will have the OBGYN on speed dial. He will tear it up! just to make himself feel that "he's still got it".


Wow.

Um. No.

Not all men. I'm not saying that my relationship/husband are the norm but not only would he not mind me having a having a stash of interracial porn he didn't mind when I performed in it. In fact when I got back from shooting a interracial gang bang he joked about wanting to fuck me and then reassured me that he knew I must be sore and he wasn't expecting to fuck that night. Then he gave me a back rub and we cuddled.

I wouldn't consider him getting off to cam girls cheating but if he was spending much money on it I would regard it as irresponsible spending. But then I also consider spending too much money at starbucks to be irresponsible when money is tight.

Wow I'm still just a little floored that you think all men are so insecure. I know I'm pretty damn lucky but it's sad you're so jaded.

On a slightly different tangent the guys in my room last night started talking about how I was prettier than their wives and then two started trash talking their wives looks. It made me really uncomfortable but someone took me private before I could say anything about it.

Ultimately relationships need to be based on mutual respect and trust. Relationships are a lot of work and require constant attention and communication. I think if within the confines of a relationship two people decide that they consider something to be 'cheating' then it is. Plain as that. But they have to work hard and communicate their desires and expectations in the first place.