View Full Version : Confessions of an extras girl
Optimist
04-28-2012, 03:03 PM
Some comments you made stand out for me. You mentioned the top tier girls who get ushered upstairs by the club pimps. You mentioned losing that status if you stop prostituting. You mentioned "who am I to say what I won't do for money". You are the captain of your life and don't realize you have the only and ultimate say. Your self esteem has gotten tied to the status of making big money in front of your peers. You're also concerned that giving sex wasn't enough to make them happy and wish you could give more. You are overly concerned with pleasing others and unconcerned with pleasing yourself. Caring and giving to the point of endangering yourself, feeling you owe everyone else is co-dependency and can end in you giving your sanity or your life all to get affirmation from a bunch of predators. But, the girls' opinions, the pimps opinions, the customers opinions are all starting to take over instead of your opinion. Your emotional difficulty with this and declining psychological health (depression, anxiety) are red flags to danger. Only you can stop endangering yourself. Here's some tips on rebuilding your self esteem and becoming captain of your life again! :) :hug:
(snip)
Start from within. Ignore any and all destructive criticism or insults, including any from your past. Your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself better than anyone else. Many of us have been hurt by others at some time. It is crucial not to internalize that abuse and let them continue to hurt us, because that means the other person wins. If we let go of the past, ignore hurtful negativity and make ourselves happy, then we win.
Create daily affirmations. Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person who deserves to be happy. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. If you've made mistakes that prevent you from believing that you deserve to be happy, take measures to relieve that guilt. Apologize to people you may have hurt (if possible), learn from those mistakes and forgive yourself.
Start with small steps to gain confidence. Take small steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision. As you become secure in your ability to make good choices, you will gain confidence in yourself, and be more secure about your abilities in general.
Don't always try to please others. It is great to be considerate of others, but think before sacrificing your own needs to please them. Bending over backwards for strangers, mere acquaintances or people you don't trust may leave you with the short end of the stick. In short, don't allow yourself to be used.
Be your own person. Don't try to copy anyone else. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best and do not criticize yourself if you fall short of your expectations.
Avoid negative people. People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you're timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be.
Face your fears and learn from your failures. We only fail when we do not make the best out of adversity. When something doesn't go the way we would like it to, there is something to be learned from that, which can be applied next time you are in a similar situation. Get up and try again.
Stop the negative thoughts. Try positive thinking on for size. The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” in relation to self-esteem basically states that whatever you believe about you, whether it be perfect or totally off base, becomes true. If you constantly tell yourself you are stupid or that you will never achieve success, you will in turn act as such. So, make a habit out of saying positive things about yourself and use the self-fulfilling prophecy to your advantage.
Don't worry about being "perfect." Aiming for perfection in life is a lost cause because the term means different things to different people. Nobody is perfect in the eyes of everyone else. Instead, seek to achieve goals.
Learn to appreciate yourself. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, habits, and principles that define who you are and can make you distinctive. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about yourself that you like and less on the ones that you dislike. You can better accomplish this by taking up hobbies and projects that you can do which will make use of your strengths. Additionally, by starting on some projects that emphasize your good traits, it will keep you busy so you will end up spending less time thinking about your weaknesses.
Reward yourself when you succeed. Treat yourself to something nice Bask in the glow of your successes. Believe in yourself completely and others will also believe and trust in you. http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Self-Esteem
Optimist
04-28-2012, 03:13 PM
A few more thoughts. I suggest you check out JD's FANTASTIC analysis of How to Preserve Psychological Health in this uniquely tempting yet potentially abusive job. http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?156591-Preserving-Your-Emotional-Psychological-Well-Being
2. Maintain your boundaries and comfort level! While in the club, you are at the top of the totem pole. Don't EVER let anyone let you think differently! You are the most important person in the business, more so than the customers, management, DJ, etc. They are all there to accommodate you. YOU make your rules and set your boundaries. You don't have to do something you are not 100% comfortable with. Don't ever feel like you "have" to let a guy touch you in any way or look at you, talk to you, whatever because he's giving you money. You don't! And you shouldn't! Because even letting a guy caress you in a personal way, although this is not the same as grabbing your boob, if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling STOP IT IMMEDIATELY!
I can't say this enough, because each time you allow a customer to over step his boundary, you are doing huge psychological damage to yourself, you don't even realize it. Pretty soon, you will be letting customers touch you in uncomfortable ways every night, because they're nice and you don't want to say anything because they're spending money. This will destroy your self esteem, TRUST ME! Every time you allow something to happen, however small, for a thousand dollars, you will feel beautiful and sexy, making so much money for so little work, it will feed your ego and build you up, but at the same time you don't realize it's chipping away at your soul and psyche, and changing how you view yourself.... I don't know how else to describe this. Stripping is a farce, in this way. Don't let money evoke an emotion..... know that a lot comes with that thousand dollars you just made, and you will have many bad nights as well, after all it's a numbers game.
This and many other great tips are there. Also check out a thread I just started about Antisocial Customers. It shares the traits of Antisocial personality Disorder. Every guy who bulldozes the law and a woman's physical and emotional boundaries veers into that PD territory. There is NOTHING you can do to please these guys. You can't ever give enough because what they want is to take what's uncomfortable humiliating and forbidden. Think Joran Van Der Sloot and Natalie Holloway. They're not happy after busting a nut with you because their high wasn't sex but forcing the destructive. http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?172980-Abusive-Antisocial-Custies
As someone who has always worked around extras, I honestly don't care and don't think girls like the OP affect my money. I am much more concerned about the girls that dry hump and allow guys to lick them during regular dances. I believe those girls negatively affect my money and watching them gives me a little PTSD. But the girls selling $700 bjs? We might as well be in different cities because there is there is no way our clientel overlaps.
I find I get hurt way more by the girls doing the 700 dollar bj's. It's a bit harder to get a guy to spend 1k or more on me, when if he goes over to another girl she'll let him do god knows what in the CR for the same amount of money. The girls that just dance dirty don't bother me, because I found if move sensually, allow the tiniest bit of contact in non sexual places, and touch THEIR chest, and act like I'm enjoying myself as much as them they're just as happy as the girl bouncing on a guy's lap in the next couches. I haven't had another guy yet decide to spend money on another girl because I wasn't dancing dirty enough, It's just after they realize they've spent 700+ on me and I'm still not giving it up they want to go to another girl. A lot of girls let guys suck their tits in CR, which I consider an "extra" not just dancing dirty, and yeah that hurts my money because even if we're having a good time after a dance or two he'll go over to the girl that will let him do that and spend 600 or more.
I don't care if the OP is hurting the other girls at the clubs money, but because they are travelers, she's hurting our money. You're overweight and can't hustle? Well stripping is a job where being attractive and being a good salesgirl are basically the only things that matter. If you can't do the basic job description, maybe get another job. Or start camming. You can still make money being overweight that way, and there isn't really any limits. You won't be at risk of getting arrested.
Besides that, you are fucking guys without screening them. These guys could have hella STDS, and condoms don't always protect from things like herpes or crabs, and if the condom breaks you could get pregnant, or worse HIV. Than you won't be able to "dance" at all, risk infecting more people, and eventually very possibly die. These custies obviously pay for sex with more than just you. You aren't screening so you could also get a crazy person. Every dancer is at risk for that but you said the guys seem disappointed after the cum. What is he's so pissed about the money he follows you home?
You are putting your life at risk. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, what you're doing is stupid and foolish, and in the end, not worth it. If you continue to do so, save up your money for when you catch something, it will get expensive.
glitzy
04-28-2012, 11:39 PM
Hey I just wanted to say that I'm thankful that no one has tried to guess who this is and impressed by mostly nonjudgment. Sometimes people cross boundaries in order to set permanent and thought out ones.
So yay sw... Extras are not my cup of tea of even something that really exists in my world but I'm happy this I a place where people can post and get real advice and feel safe.
papillonluvr
04-29-2012, 12:57 AM
Same here.
I wish she would just stop hurting her soul. Money comes and goes, but the scars from doing things that go against your personal constitution will be there for a long, long time.
That's EXACTLY it. Yes, it hurts our money as long as she keeps doing it in the club, but it's also hurting HER. And that makes ME sad. Stripping can be hard enough just dancing, why add more to it and hurt yourself even worse?
anonymoushooker
04-29-2012, 07:25 AM
i calculated tonight and i did 800 dollars worth of clean dancing. I didnt solicite any customers and avoided the floor guys. i came home with $300 after fees.
This is why i choose to work for big tips, cause if they know about it they take it.
As soon as school lets out, im finding a new club.
This thread continues to make me cry, everybody is right about everything. I am so grateful for yall's advice and concern.
When Brandy said my post was well written i really teared up. i totally wasnt trying to write well, just vent but that kinda breaks my heart because i used to love writing, it was my first major.
i changed because i wanted a career with more money. now im in business. i dont even like business...
but the thought that maybe somewhere deep down i still have some sort of redeeming qualities and im not just a dumb whore makes me want to search for the self i used to be before money and bitterness broke my spirit :/
btw girls, im not overweight. when i look in the mirror i see a fat cow, but logically i know im not. also a self esteem issue, but im 125 lbs and 5'5. i wanna get down to 105, and my boobs suck. i like my face...but i just need to lose some weight before i go try to hang with the playmate types downtown.
i may as well be obese, cause i for damn sure would be the biggest one there :/ that definetly wont help my self esteem being the hippo in a lake of swans :(
Jacquelynstarr
04-29-2012, 07:35 AM
Baby girl, you are better than this. Grow self-worth like wings. You are loved. Assert your worth!
Athenathefabulous
04-29-2012, 10:34 AM
125 at 5'5 is not overweight at all. go audition for the downtown club, you should be ok.
honestly, if you are at this point, a complete break from the sex industry might be a better idea. not sure what your financial situation is; im guessing if you feel the need to hook then you need the money. but it might be worth it to live frugally for a bit and get your sanity and perspective back.
making 800 and walking home wiht 300 sucks and is very frustrating. i see where you are coming from, it seems no matter what you do there is no way to really profit. hwoever, you can still demand and ask for big tips without doing extras. it sounds like your club has a lot of out of towners that roll through... tell them that it is standard to tip you really well under the table because the club takes so much money. tourists dont know any better; they will believe what you tell them. just say it with confidence.
yyyrrrrtt
04-29-2012, 01:39 PM
Just focus on the bottom line and not how much you're giving the club.
$300 a night isn't something to get upset about, it's not perfect but it's just a job..
leogirl876
04-29-2012, 02:53 PM
Your club takes that much of your earnings? I'd never go back if I'm working my ass off, make $800 and they take $500, they could f*ck themselves! I know all clubs take money, some are worse than others but this amount is absurd!!!!
Optimist
04-29-2012, 03:36 PM
i calculated tonight and i did 800 dollars worth of clean dancing. I didnt solicite any customers and avoided the floor guys. i came home with $300 after fees.
This is why i choose to work for big tips, cause if they know about it they take it.
As soon as school lets out, im finding a new club.
This thread continues to make me cry, everybody is right about everything. I am so grateful for yall's advice and concern.
When Brandy said my post was well written i really teared up. i totally wasnt trying to write well, just vent but that kinda breaks my heart because i used to love writing, it was my first major.
i changed because i wanted a career with more money. now im in business. i dont even like business...
but the thought that maybe somewhere deep down i still have some sort of redeeming qualities and im not just a dumb whore makes me want to search for the self i used to be before money and bitterness broke my spirit :/
btw girls, im not overweight. when i look in the mirror i see a fat cow, but logically i know im not. also a self esteem issue, but im 125 lbs and 5'5. i wanna get down to 105, and my boobs suck. i like my face...but i just need to lose some weight before i go try to hang with the playmate types downtown.
i may as well be obese, cause i for damn sure would be the biggest one there :/ that definetly wont help my self esteem being the hippo in a lake of swans :(
Sweetheart, there are loads of ways to make very good money as a writer. Do some more research. Go to your school, search on the net, and ASK people who are writers what the most lucrative writing gigs are. It's vitally important that you as a student look long and hard to find out how to do your thing in a way that will meet your needs. There are writers who are MILLIONAIRES. Get to it!
yyyrrrrtt
04-30-2012, 03:14 AM
I guess if you sincerely feel that it's the same emotionally/physically for you then it's understandable. That said, I'd really consider all options, other clubs etc.
It sounds like your club is super dirty anyways so don't feel bad about it, just be safe.
it didnt feel any different from giving regular lapdance. i was shocked at how something i had been adamantly avoiding for so long felt exactly the same as something i do millions of times every night.
5 seconds later he was done, we hugged and i walked with 500 that night, when i had been crying earlier because i thought i was going home with nothing.
Also because my club is so dirty, im not hurting anyone elses money. 99% of the girls there do extras. And most of them charge alot less than i do...some do it for the price of the room....
tuesdaymarie
04-30-2012, 09:02 AM
This thread continues to make me cry, everybody is right about everything. I am so grateful for yall's advice and concern.
When Brandy said my post was well written i really teared up. i totally wasnt trying to write well, just vent but that kinda breaks my heart because i used to love writing, it was my first major.
i changed because i wanted a career with more money. now im in business. i dont even like business...
but the thought that maybe somewhere deep down i still have some sort of redeeming qualities and im not just a dumb whore makes me want to search for the self i used to be before money and bitterness broke my spirit :/
Hey! I'm a writer too! Write some shit and PM it to me if you want. Writers need to write. It helps us find ourselves. Write some angsty poetry, write a blog, write some creative non-fiction, write lyrics, write anything. Seriously, I'm that stereotypical psycho bitch writer who quietly seethes then writes awful poetry about whichever asshole in question and then I send it to him at 4AM after drinking way too much liquor. It makes me feel so much better about everything.
anonymoushooker
04-30-2012, 11:17 AM
^ oh no , i dont think im any good anymore :/