View Full Version : Should Guy Pay for 1st Date?...or first few
Kellydancer
05-08-2012, 09:30 PM
The trick is to concentrate where the single men are, which is kind of hard when you are an older single like me. I try the yuppie places, and many men around there are still single and some around my age. I avoid certain suburbs that tend to have guys I avoid.
mediocrity
05-08-2012, 09:38 PM
I don't understand why a guy's financial status is such a huge priority. I mean I understand not wanting to date a slack ass, or someone with no ambition. As long as he wasn't stupid or frivolous with his money, was doing something he enjoyed OR was doing something he recognized he had to do in the interim, why does it matter if he takes you on extravagant dates? I'd rather do something we both enjoy, regardless of what the price is.
Kellydancer
05-08-2012, 09:44 PM
I don't care about expensive dates, but in early dating cheap dates turns me off too. Maybe because it reminds me of the cheapos I dated many years ago. I'm even ok when I meet a guy and he suggests a cheap meetup becayse chances are I won't see him again.
Vyanka
05-08-2012, 09:48 PM
Kellydancer,
Please accept my sympathy. It seems like you really had bad luck with men. Some of those things I have not done even when I was mere 19. God, I feel for you. May be you should move to Los Angeles or something. May be Chicago is a bad dating pool.
Los Angeles is the capital of major assholes.
Siddarth
05-08-2012, 09:49 PM
I don't understand why a guy's financial status is such a huge priority. I mean I understand not wanting to date a slack ass, or someone with no ambition. As long as he wasn't stupid or frivolous with his money, was doing something he enjoyed OR was doing something he recognized he had to do in the interim, why does it matter if he takes you on extravagant dates? I'd rather do something we both enjoy, regardless of what the price is.
That was a beautiful post. Well said!
Siddarth
05-08-2012, 09:51 PM
Los Angeles is the capital of major assholes.
I am sorry you feel this way. I spent my entire 20s in Los Angeles and I am not an asshole.
Vyanka
05-08-2012, 10:13 PM
I am sorry you feel this way. I spent my entire 20s in Los Angeles and I am not an asshole.
Then you were the minority. :-D
The Six
05-08-2012, 11:22 PM
LA has so many different neighborhoods and groups and cities within cities, it's always amusing when people make sweeping generalizations about it. Are Pasadena assholes the same as Santa Monica assholes?
Vyanka
05-09-2012, 12:22 AM
LA has so many different neighborhoods and groups and cities within cities, it's always amusing when people make sweeping generalizations about it. Are Pasadena assholes the same as Santa Monica assholes?
Yes. Mua ha ha ha
Flickdreams
05-09-2012, 12:39 AM
^ Mediocrity, finances is just one of many factors to consider, not the overiding factor. I think lack of finances/job without having a good reason for it (Study/Investment etc) is indicative of a character flaw, as you suggested, perhaps ambition.
exotica268
05-09-2012, 06:23 AM
Ok so just to clarify, even if it's a first date w someone I meet off of a dating site, he should still pay, right?
Jessie_tinydancer
05-09-2012, 06:29 AM
I wouldn't even think to offer to pay anything. I would assume if someone asked me on a date then they are going to pay. If I asked him out, I would pay.
Raider
05-09-2012, 07:50 AM
Ok so just to clarify, even if it's a first date w someone I meet off of a dating site, he should still pay, right?
Yes...he should still pay, correct.
unbeleavable
05-09-2012, 08:36 AM
I wouldn't ask a woman out unless I had enough money to pay, plain & simple. Everybody has their own style so I won't get into the applebees thing...
lemiwinks31
05-09-2012, 08:57 AM
I wouldn't even think to offer to pay anything. I would assume if someone asked me on a date then they are going to pay. If I asked him out, I would pay.
Yup..it seems so obvious. If I am asking someone out, I am offering to take them out...ie pay. If its the other way around, I would assume that she is going to pay(but i would be ready and offer, but not make a big deal about it if she wanted to pay.)
Once you are regularly going out with the same person....you can talk about it before you go out and split costs/take turns etc..
I'm used to paying for my half of the date. Scenerio usually goes like...check comes, I pick it up, and I put down my portion plus tip. I'm starting to think i've been stupid, and should really let the guy take care of it. I have this problem, though, where I feel like I will be judged as a gold digger (makes no sense; I know). Perhaps it's me just trying to overcompenate, knowing what I do for a job (try to get as much $ as possible from guys), even though the guys usually don't know what I do (yet).
I think my last straw was when I purposely put down more $ to tip way extra to the bartender, and he proceeded to TAKE BACK (once he realized the total amt put down) some of what he put down. I was like...wtf, in my head, but I didn't feel comfortable saying something aloud.
Please put some sense in me and tell me that guys usually are expected to pay. Also, I never ask a guy out, as I always wait for him to ask me (so he initiates the date).
It just depends on who asks who out. If the guy asks you, then yes, it's the norm he would pay, unless you say otherwise like "sure, but I prefer to go Dutch if you don't mind" sort of thing as some girls prefer to on first dates. If I ask a chick out, and she says yes, I have every expectation I'm paying for the date. If she offers to cover the tip, I'll generally say no with "you get it next time" or what ever works. If you feel more comfortable covering your half as some do, then do that. However, if a chick asks me out, I will offer to pay on the date, and follow her lead on responses there.
I after 3-4 dates, all depends on where things are going/not going as to what the appropriate move is there.
Kellydancer
05-09-2012, 10:43 AM
Ok so just to clarify, even if it's a first date w someone I meet off of a dating site, he should still pay, right?
He should and probably will, but online can be tricky. As an experienced online dater I have seen a variety of guys and there will be guys who will not pay if they aren't interested. By interested I don't mean he thinks you are ugly, just that he might be looking for something different or many other things.This is why when I meet guys online I suggest a snack or a lunch or something like that. That way it doesn't cost him that much (or me if I end up paying for me). I haven't had this happen with online, but know a few women who met guys and they "left" their wallet at home. Online has people who only meet people for free meals so beware of these kinds of guys.
missykrissy
05-09-2012, 01:00 PM
I'm old fashioned. The guy can pay for all the dates until we get hitched. Then money is joined so we'll figure it out.
After we're serious, if he's broke now and again between paychecks, redbox nights are fine, but the woman should not be paying for dates.
lemiwinks31
05-09-2012, 02:11 PM
I'm old fashioned. The guy can pay for all the dates until we get hitched. Then money is joined so we'll figure it out.
After we're serious, if he's broke now and again between paychecks, redbox nights are fine, but the woman should not be paying for dates.
yes....that is old fashioned. Especially in this day in age where so many women make as much or more than the men they go out on dates with. And the completely understandable desire to be treated as an equal. On the other hand, being old fashioned means the women would never ask out the man anyway.
Kellydancer
05-09-2012, 02:20 PM
yes....that is old fashioned. Especially in this day in age where so many women make as much or more than the men they go out on dates with. And the completely understandable desire to be treated as an equal. On the other hand, being old fashioned means the women would never ask out the man anyway.
I wouldn't expect him to pay until marriage and believe in treating as well. I rarely ask out because I usually get asked out (though I wish most of them wouldn't). I also rarely ask out because my experience is when a guy is interested he will ask and if he doesn't ask he's not interested.
mediocrity
05-09-2012, 05:29 PM
^ Mediocrity, finances is just one of many factors to consider, not the overiding factor. I think lack of finances/job without having a good reason for it (Study/Investment etc) is indicative of a character flaw, as you suggested, perhaps ambition.
Oh I agree, hence why I put in the "interim" option. I think that sometimes though, especially with the right guy, it's more about the long haul. I hate using my story as an example because it's far fetched in every way possible, but my husband was unemployed when I met him in April 2010. He had just been laid off and was collecting unemployment. He spent a whole year sending out hundreds of resumes, doing odd jobs where he could find them. We spent a whole year flat ass broke. Then he got the job here in Seattle a year ago, and here I am working 15hrs a week and staying home the rest of the time by choice. I won't say we are rich, but we are definitely very comfortable.
I'm not saying that the girl should pay for everything, or whatever. I just think that there's way more to it than "Oh this guy took me to Carrabbas instead of a 5 star restaurant... he must be broke and a loser."
Kellydancer
05-09-2012, 08:25 PM
That makes sense and in a case like that I would agree. After all the economy is terrible. It's just so many guys I've dated just didn't want to work (this was when the economy was better)and I resented dating them. I've also resented the men who were just cheap and took me to McDonalds because that's all they thought of me, while I was treating them to nice dates.
Flickdreams
05-10-2012, 04:13 AM
....online can be tricky. As an experienced online dater I have seen a variety of guys I haven't had this happen with online, but know a few women who met guys and they "left" their wallet at home. Online has people who only meet people for free meals so beware of these kinds of guys.
If this happened to me more than once I would ask the man at the beginning of the date if he bought his wallet and explain why I was asking(I would be tactful but direct- I refuse to be fucked with).
Flickdreams
05-10-2012, 04:16 AM
yes....that is old fashioned. Especially in this day in age where so many women make as much or more than the men they go out on dates with. And the completely understandable desire to be treated as an equal. On the other hand, being old fashioned means the women would never ask out the man anyway.
Actually, women earn less for the same jobs as men, Over the course of a lifetime a man in the equivalent job title will earn 3 times more than his female counterpoint. Society hang your head in shame! That is why strippers should make Hay while the Sun shines.... it wont last forever..
Su Su
05-10-2012, 08:03 AM
I guess if you're the one inviting him out then you'll pay...
But that has never happened to me, neither am I ever going to ask a guy out.. Why should I do all the inviting when he should be after me?
Kellydancer
05-10-2012, 01:10 PM
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If this happened to me more than once I would ask the man at the beginning of the date if he bought his wallet and explain why I was asking(I would be tactful but direct- I refuse to be fucked with).
I haven't had that happen where he left it at home while doing online dating, but I just meet them for a quick meeting first. I have dealt with guys who refuse to pay for me. I don't care in these cases really because I will buy my soda then put him in the no way category. It's why I don't do dinners when first meeting because I have heard of this way too often.
lifetravelergirl
05-10-2012, 01:33 PM
I think most guys would prefer the sense of having done something for you and a hug in return than to feel "neutered" by having you pay half. Guys like to feel useful and capable. If you pay half you might be insulting his ego.
And besides that if a guy was willing to let me pay half I would never date him again. And no.. I would never offer to pay half. The fact is (in my mind) that guys who are worth dating or being partnered with are not desirable because they are pretty or good at sex. Guys are attractive to me when they are successful, when they can hold a conversation, when they are confident, when they can protect me or take care of me. I have found that pretty guys and guys who are good at sex tend to only be good at one thing, that's my experience. I need more than that but I'm single so why listen to me?
Also.. I wish someone who writes good would do a post on this topic but television like Sex in the City had done a lot of damage and brainwashing, teaching us that as women it's fulfilling for us to "take charge" and that we will get "fulfillment" by having sex with guys we have just met. I haven't met any women who are happy because they are getting laid. They might enjoy the moment but then they have to live with themselves after that. It is like Society is trying to trick us into thinking men and women are the same and want the same things. We aren't the same. This idea that we should pay our half seems full of good intention but it also looks a little paved to Hell to me.
I think as women we need to capitalize on what we are, find some balance, work with reality a little. But hey, what do I know?
Kellydancer
05-10-2012, 01:46 PM
I think most guys would prefer the sense of having done something for you and a hug in return than to feel "neutered" by having you pay half. Guys like to feel useful and capable. If you pay half you might be insulting his ego.
And besides that if a guy was willing to let me pay half I would never date him again. And no.. I would never offer to pay half. The fact is (in my mind) that guys who are worth dating or being partnered with are not desirable because they are pretty or good at sex. Guys are attractive to me when they are successful, when they can hold a conversation, when they are confident, when they can protect me or take care of me. I have found that pretty guys and guys who are good at sex tend to only be good at one thing, that's my experience. I need more than that but I'm single so why listen to me?
Also.. I wish someone who writes good would do a post on this topic but television like Sex in the City had done a lot of damage and brainwashing, teaching us that as women it's fulfilling for us to "take charge" and that we will get "fulfillment" by having sex with guys we have just met. I haven't met any women who are happy because they are getting laid. They might enjoy the moment but then they have to live with themselves after that. It is like Society is trying to trick us into thinking men and women are the same and want the same things. We aren't the same. This idea that we should pay our half seems full of good intention but it also looks a little paved to Hell to me.
I think as women we need to capitalize on what we are, find some balance, work with reality a little. But hey, what do I know?
That's fine if you are looking for just dating, but becomes tricky if looking for marriage. Many guys yes will pay for all the dates, but then often either expect sex, or if they want marriage will expect their career to come before the woman's. These don't always pertain of course, but this is something I have seen personally. The sex issue is interesting because I have found that when guys wait those looking for relationships will give in more but those who aren't usually leave. I don't like when people fall into bed right away because that is damaging but also a problem when women use sex to get what they want.
missjzone
05-10-2012, 03:56 PM
I truly dont believe in all these 'rules' when it comes to dating. dating like much of life is instictive. when I was single there would be times when I would pay and times when the guy would pay. it really does depend on the situation, the guy and the amount of dates.
most men appreciate the gesture of paying a portion and if youre serious about the guy you should be conscious of how they feel as well. on the other hand I would not be buying a drink or dinner for a guy whom I had little time or interest in.
missjzone
05-10-2012, 04:05 PM
The rest of what you wrote, I agree with. I think people make dating entirely too complicated. Personally if I liked a guy, I made it ridiculously obvious. Games are dumb.
ding. ding. Winner..
BlackSheEp3
05-11-2012, 11:02 AM
Personally, I would.
Flickdreams
05-11-2012, 09:00 PM
I think most guys would prefer the sense of having done something for you and a hug in return than to feel "neutered" by having you pay half. Guys like to feel useful and capable. If you pay half you might be insulting his ego.
And besides that if a guy was willing to let me pay half I would never date him again. And no.. I would never offer to pay half. The fact is (in my mind) that guys who are worth dating or being partnered with are not desirable because they are pretty or good at sex. Guys are attractive to me when they are successful, when they can hold a conversation, when they are confident, when they can protect me or take care of me. I have found that pretty guys and guys who are good at sex tend to only be good at one thing, that's my experience. I need more than that but I'm single so why listen to me?
Also.. I wish someone who writes good would do a post on this topic but television like Sex in the City had done a lot of damage and brainwashing, teaching us that as women it's fulfilling for us to "take charge" and that we will get "fulfillment" by having sex with guys we have just met. I haven't met any women who are happy because they are getting laid. They might enjoy the moment but then they have to live with themselves after that. It is like Society is trying to trick us into thinking men and women are the same and want the same things. We aren't the same. This idea that we should pay our half seems full of good intention but it also looks a little paved to Hell to me.
I think as women we need to capitalize on what we are, find some balance, work with reality a little. But hey, what do I know?
You've read Why Men love Bitches yeah? How about The Chase by Samanthat B-something.
ashiepants
05-14-2012, 12:27 AM
If a guy asked me out and didn't pay, I would not be going on a second date with him. Period. If a man asks you out and won't or can't pay, then WTF is he doing going on dates? He should be out looking for ways to make more money, or finding a sugarmomma to take care of his pathetic ass, instead of wasting my time. If money is REALLY tight but he still wants to impress you, there's tons of ways to do that without breaking the bank. But taking a girl to a restaurant and then ignoring the check is the epitomy of douchey.
cherryblossomsinspring
05-21-2012, 11:01 PM
Yeah this guy is a big Fail! If you can't afford to pay for dinner then don't be a loser and ask me out. Screw that. I also don't believe in halfsies either. I'm not on the if you want it go get it mindset. I like my men to be men and let them pursue. Men like bitches for a reason and even I'm not really that much of a bitch. But you invite me out and play broke? I could have been sitting alone at dinner which would have opened me up to other men wanting to pay for my dinner and also wanting to date me . But I'm bringing sand to the beach? Nope he's a dead beat. If he was broke and smart he could have planned a picnic or something else like let's go work out together. Sight seeing. Anything than being a broke loser and bringing a date out only to sit and wait until she pays.
I'll give you one of my horror date stories:
Good looking guy about 15 years older wanted to take me out. So we go out and he buys himself a drink. Now I wasn't interested in liquoring up so I didn't order anything. We talk but we had to leave to go to another place. So we didn't even have dinner. We get to a bar without seating , no food , and he just orders drinks for himself all night. Now at this point I'm hungry but I'm not fucking going to pay for dinner with this loser. Even he had one moment to redeem himself. You know those annoying women selling roses. Yes I know I typically hate them because they are not only pushy but they put the guy on the spot. She asks him and he says no. Wow really? Now at this point I was bored, he kept repeating his story all night. Flexing his pecks which was fucking stupid looking. I was basically out with a selfish mimbo. So it was time to leave I couldn't take anymore of this. It was like I was out with a friend yet I couldn't even talk to the cute guys that were around. Yeah I'm the one trying to be respectful. So I go to give him a hug right . You know the ass out hug women do to men they are not interested in? And this guy tries to kiss me. I try to back away but he's trying to force it. So he got a good knock in the throat. People were walking by and stopped to watch the umm altercation. It looked that bad. So I said good night and the guy starts talking again and says where's my hug. It was weird because I thought didn't we just do that already? Guy tries to maul me again which got a stronger reaction from me. He was like well that was awkward. Yeah I know. He tries again and I just walk away and go to my car yelling good night.
Moral of the story. He was attractive on the outter but he was too selfish and too pushy. Later we became friends and we met up with one of his other buddies. He kept saying over and over we're just friends. Yeah I'm so not interested. Why did this guy try to kiss me again? And got my elbow in his neck? What was worse was there were guys watching this last time and they spoke up and said "dude take a hint". Yeah so we're no longer friends even though I think he's on my fb somewhere. He's invited me over for house parties a few times but I had a feeling the party was going to be just he and I and I would have gotten there thinking "where is everyone"?.
What I've been noticing now is the " let me make you dinner" trend. This is for cheap guys trying to close the deal. I recall one guy asked if I liked fish. I replied sure, as I was pointing to an upscale restaurant. Well he replies with ooh I'm a great chef. Guy looked like he just changed a carburetor. Now I'm not saying a good cook should be missed. Guy may do wonders in the kitchen but typically it's not something you do on a first date with someone you know nothing about. The guy ended up texting me later and asking me " where do you live and who do you live with". It was obvious this guy was looking for a place to stick his stick and it wasn't going to be in an oven. So I told him I wasn't interested because it was apparent what he was after. He then starts pleading like wait lets be friends etc etc. I say again I'm not interested which he resorted to a whole slew of fuck you bitch, stupid bitch why you give me your number etc. This was someone that pushed for my number while I was gassing up my car. This guy had plans for me and I just blew his dreams.
If the guy asks to make dinner for a first date pass him over unless he really is in the food industry. The last time a guy tried the "come over" and I'll make dinner I watched him go in his fridge hunt around for something to cook, threw salmon in a pan and then asked me what to do with it. Then he proceeded to talk about how he just did a line a coke and offered me some. FAIL. I tried to not let that sour the evening but he kept trying to be too familiar with me in being touchy. When he could see I wasn't reciprocating he said he wanted to go to bed then decided to bring up some sexual shit which is when I said a polite goodnight. I gave this guy one more shot at another date but that ended poorly because he was even more forward saying I was too conservative and that he enjoys sex. One extra comment that really sealed the douchebag deal was when he said " I guess I'm going to have to go back to craigslist". WTF? You put ads on craiglist for sex? That was the end of that.
So yes there are some losers out there and this guy you met is one. The 2nd guy with the liquid cocaine is another. I always say 3 times the charm , so let's hear what's behind door number 3.
Flickdreams
05-22-2012, 12:54 AM
I was seeing a guy who I slept with early on (at the time I only wanted to get laid but I developed feelings after sex- not love but definately feelings). Actually one time in bed he told me a fantasy of his- like a full blown story he'd made up, about 2 sisters and their mother (unique, but I tend to reserve that stuff for a long term partner) and then asked if I wanted to go get my mother from the next room to join us. To my shame I continued seeing him after that.
One night he calls me and tells me he's breaking up with me and going back to his wife (umm, wife) and that he can't talk about it cause the pizza is getting cold. Nice one.
mediocrity
05-22-2012, 02:08 AM
Where the fuck do you girls find these guys?! I have never been subjected to the bullshit y'all are describing!!!
Flickdreams
05-22-2012, 02:33 AM
I was 19, and clueless.
NathanM
05-22-2012, 03:12 AM
I pay, whether she asks me or I ask her out. Keeps things simple that way. If she offers to pay, I thank her and tell her next time, even if I have no intention of her paying the next time.
Flickdreams
05-22-2012, 03:18 AM
Women fall in love with their ears and Men with their eyes.
rickdugan
05-22-2012, 09:53 AM
I'm old fashioned. The guy can pay for all the dates until we get hitched. Then money is joined so we'll figure it out.
After we're serious, if he's broke now and again between paychecks, redbox nights are fine, but the woman should not be paying for dates.
I wish I could have thanked this a dozen times. When I was dating, I could never conceive of my dates paying for anything. When I took a date to a restaurant, the check never hit the tabletop as I made sure to have the waiter/waitress hand it to me. I simply don't care who asked for the date. I wanted each of my dates to worry about nothing more than whether she was having fun. The burden for making that happen was mine and rightly so.
Now I had broke periods in my life. Dating with lighter pockets requires a bit more creativity. Not only did I learn how to cook a few dishes very well (homemade chicken parm and deeply marinated steaks, among others), but I also learned how to pick out a good bottle of wine for < $20. I also used fun outdoor activities when the weather was nice, such as a day at the beach with a portable grill in tow. I also spent a great deal of time sourcing some great little restaurants where the tabs were modest but the food was good, thereby avoiding the shame of ever taking a girl out to the local Applebees. ;)
I also agree that a little understanding is in order once the relationship gets serious, but I also agree that she should still not be footing the tab. There is nothing wrong with a occasional movie rental night, especially if he has otherwise been good to her and is not showing signs of long-term financial problems.
Kisca
05-22-2012, 10:26 AM
deleted
Kellydancer
05-22-2012, 11:25 AM
Yeah this guy is a big Fail! If you can't afford to pay for dinner then don't be a loser and ask me out. Screw that. I also don't believe in halfsies either. I'm not on the if you want it go get it mindset. I like my men to be men and let them pursue. Men like bitches for a reason and even I'm not really that much of a bitch. But you invite me out and play broke? I could have been sitting alone at dinner which would have opened me up to other men wanting to pay for my dinner and also wanting to date me . But I'm bringing sand to the beach? Nope he's a dead beat. If he was broke and smart he could have planned a picnic or something else like let's go work out together. Sight seeing. Anything than being a broke loser and bringing a date out only to sit and wait until she pays.
I'll give you one of my horror date stories:
Good looking guy about 15 years older wanted to take me out. So we go out and he buys himself a drink. Now I wasn't interested in liquoring up so I didn't order anything. We talk but we had to leave to go to another place. So we didn't even have dinner. We get to a bar without seating , no food , and he just orders drinks for himself all night. Now at this point I'm hungry but I'm not fucking going to pay for dinner with this loser. Even he had one moment to redeem himself. You know those annoying women selling roses. Yes I know I typically hate them because they are not only pushy but they put the guy on the spot. She asks him and he says no. Wow really? Now at this point I was bored, he kept repeating his story all night. Flexing his pecks which was fucking stupid looking. I was basically out with a selfish mimbo. So it was time to leave I couldn't take anymore of this. It was like I was out with a friend yet I couldn't even talk to the cute guys that were around. Yeah I'm the one trying to be respectful. So I go to give him a hug right . You know the ass out hug women do to men they are not interested in? And this guy tries to kiss me. I try to back away but he's trying to force it. So he got a good knock in the throat. People were walking by and stopped to watch the umm altercation. It looked that bad. So I said good night and the guy starts talking again and says where's my hug. It was weird because I thought didn't we just do that already? Guy tries to maul me again which got a stronger reaction from me. He was like well that was awkward. Yeah I know. He tries again and I just walk away and go to my car yelling good night.
Moral of the story. He was attractive on the outter but he was too selfish and too pushy. Later we became friends and we met up with one of his other buddies. He kept saying over and over we're just friends. Yeah I'm so not interested. Why did this guy try to kiss me again? And got my elbow in his neck? What was worse was there were guys watching this last time and they spoke up and said "dude take a hint". Yeah so we're no longer friends even though I think he's on my fb somewhere. He's invited me over for house parties a few times but I had a feeling the party was going to be just he and I and I would have gotten there thinking "where is everyone"?.
What I've been noticing now is the " let me make you dinner" trend. This is for cheap guys trying to close the deal. I recall one guy asked if I liked fish. I replied sure, as I was pointing to an upscale restaurant. Well he replies with ooh I'm a great chef. Guy looked like he just changed a carburetor. Now I'm not saying a good cook should be missed. Guy may do wonders in the kitchen but typically it's not something you do on a first date with someone you know nothing about. The guy ended up texting me later and asking me " where do you live and who do you live with". It was obvious this guy was looking for a place to stick his stick and it wasn't going to be in an oven. So I told him I wasn't interested because it was apparent what he was after. He then starts pleading like wait lets be friends etc etc. I say again I'm not interested which he resorted to a whole slew of fuck you bitch, stupid bitch why you give me your number etc. This was someone that pushed for my number while I was gassing up my car. This guy had plans for me and I just blew his dreams.
If the guy asks to make dinner for a first date pass him over unless he really is in the food industry. The last time a guy tried the "come over" and I'll make dinner I watched him go in his fridge hunt around for something to cook, threw salmon in a pan and then asked me what to do with it. Then he proceeded to talk about how he just did a line a coke and offered me some. FAIL. I tried to not let that sour the evening but he kept trying to be too familiar with me in being touchy. When he could see I wasn't reciprocating he said he wanted to go to bed then decided to bring up some sexual shit which is when I said a polite goodnight. I gave this guy one more shot at another date but that ended poorly because he was even more forward saying I was too conservative and that he enjoys sex. One extra comment that really sealed the douchebag deal was when he said " I guess I'm going to have to go back to craigslist". WTF? You put ads on craiglist for sex? That was the end of that.
So yes there are some losers out there and this guy you met is one. The 2nd guy with the liquid cocaine is another. I always say 3 times the charm , so let's hear what's behind door number 3.
I don't mind the let me make you dinner men as long as it's a relationship. I have had boyfriends make me dinner but yeah for a first date that would turn me off. A new trend I am hearing about are the guys asking women to go to their house and having the woman make dinner. Um, no I will not make dinner the first time we date.
I know I have mentioned the worst date ever I have had. It was so bad it ended up in a bad date book and now 20 years later I laugh about it. This douchebag basically wanted me to pay for him and got nasty because I wouldn't sleep with him.
cherryblossomsinspring
05-22-2012, 12:03 PM
^ Well the only guys that I ended up in relationships with ALWAYS PAID. I mean always. There were no halfsies bullshit. No come over etc. My longest bf started giving me money so I didn't have to work a 2nd job. I was already working a crazy shift paying my bills and helping out my family but I wanted another job to make more money to help out even more. So when I started dating him he said fuck that extra job. I'll give you some money so you can spend time with me instead. Perfect! To me you're either helping or your in the way. There's no two ways about it.
Ohh I almost forgot. There was a guy who was asking to date me for a whole year. I thought wow that's persistence. Now he was a dud not bad looking but he just looked cheap. He goes on talking about how we would look great together and people would love seeing me with him. FAIL . So basically I'm arm candy to make you look cooler than you are? The thing was at the time I wasn't dating nor was I interested in dating anyone. So he goes to tell me how this girl he was dating always asks for cigarettes and she never has money. HUh? Hmm really. So I asked him why not buy her a pack. I mean what pack a smokes cost $5.00-10? What's so hard with that? So he goes quiet and says but I like you. You seem like you have your own money and your own stuff. Hmm... Then he goes into try to explain how much fun we would have on a date. He talks about how he buys for the first date and then the next I can pick up the tab. Wait what? Did this guy that's been begging me to date him tell me that I'm going to have to pay to be around him? He's like yeah when we go to the club you can pay and I can pay to get in.
So I had to educate him on the benefits of being a woman. I said look, If I go to a club ALONE I don't pay to get in. See how that works. So If I go with you the men seeing me standing there with your ass think " ooh she has a man that can pay her way". See how that works? He's like well maybe we can meet there? Right because you're broke and I'm going to get in free by the benefit of another man and yet spend the night around you? HA!
Plus going to dinner and paying for my own meal is perfectly fine , I would only do that ALONE. Again. So I told him well this is great , we know that I'm better suited for a man that can afford to take me out and if not I can pretty much go out and enjoy meeting new men ALONE for free. Guys always offer me free drinks even bartenders have done so without me asking. So you see it's in MY BEST INTEREST YOU CHEAP FUCK to go out alone and meet men when I'm alone. To my benefit he stopped contacting me.
The reason these guys approach me is because I'm really shy and super sweet when I meet new people. So they think "pushover". It's only when I talk to them do they realize "wow I fucked up and picked the wrong one". Now I understand why women go out looking angry all the time. They are just trying to keep these asshats at bay.
I don't even date anymore, it's just tooo exhausting dealing with all of the nonsense. I may have some fun for the summer but still not sure if that would really be fun. I may have to post my own journey of lame dates.
Kellydancer
05-22-2012, 12:19 PM
I have the problem of these cheapos now because I am older and some of them think "Now I can date the older woman because when she was younger she would avoid me". Nope, I might be older and not as hot as I was, but I'm still too good to date cheapasses. When I have dated men who wanted me to pay first, I will pay for myself and never see him again. I will not date a cheapo because he will be a cheapo later on. I'd rather be alone that date a man like this.
Flickdreams
05-23-2012, 03:17 AM
I wish I could have thanked this a dozen times. When I was dating, I could never conceive of my dates paying for anything. When I took a date to a restaurant, the check never hit the tabletop as I made sure to have the waiter/waitress hand it to me. I simply don't care who asked for the date. I wanted each of my dates to worry about nothing more than whether she was having fun. The burden for making that happen was mine and rightly so.
Now I had broke periods in my life. Dating with lighter pockets requires a bit more creativity. Not only did I learn how to cook a few dishes very well (homemade chicken parm and deeply marinated steaks, among others), but I also learned how to pick out a good bottle of wine for < $20. I also used fun outdoor activities when the weather was nice, such as a day at the beach with a portable grill in tow. I also spent a great deal of time sourcing some great little restaurants where the tabs were modest but the food was good, thereby avoiding the shame of ever taking a girl out to the local Applebees. ;)
I also agree that a little understanding is in order once the relationship gets serious, but I also agree that she should still not be footing the tab. There is nothing wrong with a occasional movie rental night, especially if he has otherwise been good to her and is not showing signs of long-term financial problems.
Swoon.....
Flickdreams
05-23-2012, 03:23 AM
Now I understand why women go out looking angry all the time. They are just trying to keep these asshats at bay.
I don't even date anymore, it's just tooo exhausting dealing with all of the nonsense. I may have some fun for the summer but still not sure if that would really be fun. I may have to post my own journey of lame dates.
The force is telling me we have the makings of a great thread....
cherryblossomsinspring
06-14-2012, 07:57 PM
^INDEED:) I'm wondering what happened to the dating. I was looking forward to some more updates. Still undecided myself If I want to take the plunge.
unbeleavable
06-14-2012, 08:03 PM
A man should take pride in paying for his girl on a date...
sananeko
06-14-2012, 08:37 PM
For me, men pay til its a relationship. Then we split the check most of the time unless its one's treat. I have been on dates where I paid the check.. or only my half if the guy/girl was being a pig. If I pay the check for a date.. believe me it means I'm not interested in another date.