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Miss_McKenna
05-12-2012, 08:12 AM
I've heard of rescue remedy but have no experience with it. My vet suggested feliway for my sensitive cat. I'm thinking it's the same thing. It's worth a try, but my feeling is she just doesn't like/get a long with cats and nothing will really work.

Do the Feliway, seriously! In college my roommate's cat started spraying because she was a rescue with major anxiety, so then my cat started spraying because he got anxiety that his territory was all being taken over, and both were already neutered so there wasn't much we could do. It was 6 months of being a total NIGHTMARE, both of us crawling around daily with a blacklight and shit trying to find where to clean next. Then she ordered a bunch of the Feliway plug-ins and we split the cost, and we plugged them in and seriously, within two days it was kitty harmony in the condo. After 30days they needed refills and we didn't bother, thinking it was sorted. Her cat started spraying again and we raced to the store for refills, and it was cool again. I actually just cracked out my little spritz-bottles of it that I keep in the house now, because my cat has been really antsy lately and I think it's because of my current roommate's dogs.

All Good Things
05-12-2012, 11:39 AM
My condo is almost 2000 sq feet but I'm not spending $400 on a huge ugly cage for cats that arent mine. I dont know about this but these cats gotta go... Eventually I'm going to lose it and they will all leave. I'd hate to have to sue him for my security deposit damages but I will if push comes to shove.

I think Velvet may be right and you and cats just don't mix.

If an acceptable solution to those very expensive ongoing condo damages costs only $400, why not pay for it yourself and have your fiance pay you back over time? That way your condo is protected, your son is safe and your fiance is not out the door on his tail.

Laurisa
05-12-2012, 02:16 PM
Because he wont pay me back and the cage is big and ugly and I don't want it. It's not my responsibility!

Flickdreams
05-12-2012, 08:05 PM
^ He wont pay you back???? I seriously feel the need to slap this man/PeterPan

kandie_kitten
05-12-2012, 09:21 PM
You have an interesting battle here.

Clearly you don't want the cats, but you want the guy. So your declaration of "the cats have to go!" is nonsense, since you aren't willing to kick the guy out and end it.

Then you say you just don't like the damage, and people give you a great option with the cage, you say "it's not my responsibility". But it is. By letting this guy and his pets move in, you made a little family. Like it or not, they are your responsibility now. If you really want the guy, you'll have to compromise and have an ugly cage in your apartment-it's better than ugly torn up furniture.

You either need to find a solution that makes it endurable for the cats to live there (like the cage) or you need to kick the guy out. It's really pretty simple.

mediocrity
05-13-2012, 12:05 AM
Because he wont pay me back and the cage is big and ugly and I don't want it. It's not my responsibility!

Laurisa, I say this gently and with experience: As soon as you agreed to marry him, they also became your responsibility. Once you agreed to form a family with this guy, you merged responsibilities. For example, it's is "technically" my husband's job to take out the trash. HOWEVER- if he ceased to take out said trash, I wouldn't sit there and glare at the growing mess and refuse to take care of it myself or find a solution. Maybe that's a poor example, but do you see the point I am trying to make?

If you want this problem to be solved you have to be proactive, because otherwise, this is going to build resentment and damage your relationship.

missykrissy
05-13-2012, 02:08 AM
Laurisa,
I really don't know why he hasn't solved this whole problem himself. My cats were my first pets ever, I never had any growing up. I actually checked a book out of the library about cats. Just because I was clueless and needed to know what to buy and what to do. I just can't imagine letting them go a whole week without having their litter scooped, that's so basic. (That's not a dig on you, they belong to him.)
And fwiw, cats absoluely looooove being brushed, they freaking love it. Cats will still be cats, but if he won't scoop the litter or brush the fur, that's pretty slack.
Best wishes.
eta:
sorry if that came off rude, I just feel like all the suugestions here about softpaws, grooming, etc, should be coming from him

Miss_McKenna
05-13-2012, 11:11 AM
fwiw, cats absoluely looooove being brushed, they freaking love it.

Omg yesss!! I call out "brushiiiing" and my cat comes flying down the hallway, meowing to get brushed lol!

Laurisa
05-13-2012, 12:49 PM
Delete

Ilovetodress
05-13-2012, 01:15 PM
@Laurisa,have you thought about getting the cats a cat tree?kinda like .that might cut down on the boardum for them, as they like to climb and they could scratch on that.

FiendishGyrator
05-13-2012, 01:35 PM
I think you're missing the complete lack of gratitude, understanding, or committment to compromise on your boyfriend's part.

However, regarding the cat stuff-- worth a try and see how it goes from there. I have a feeling though that your relationship is doomed, less because of the cats, and
more because your boyfriend is a selfish moocher who expects you to just deal with his cat's damage and behavior. This is all going to go very wrong unless you get
him and his cats out of your house so you can stop being a martyr and get your relationship back on equal footing.

LAChloe
05-13-2012, 02:37 PM
Laurisa, I kind of feel like this guy is not the Prince Charming you think he is.

It is Mother's Day. I know he is tired, but it is Mother's Day! It's one day of the year. He needs to suck it up and make today about you.

Laurisa
05-13-2012, 03:16 PM
Delete

Laurisa
05-13-2012, 03:57 PM
Delete

Truebebeblue
05-13-2012, 03:58 PM
I would rehome the most hated cat and say she got out/lost. You tried to catch her but she
scratched you and ran away... OH darn.
I think he is a lazy ass cat owner and doesn't really care that you are doing everything.
Therefore he does not deserve animals.

Laurisa
05-13-2012, 03:59 PM
Delete

Truebebeblue
05-13-2012, 05:05 PM
I didn't see the break up texting til after I posted,I wouldn't do the sneaky rehoming at this point either.
I hope he doesn't expect you to continue to take care of his cats or store his stuff though.
As far as the carpet call a cleaning company that specializes in pet stains,they can usually deal with minor pet stains.
Good luck!

mediocrity
05-13-2012, 05:07 PM
Well.. I'd say this has all been very telling.

Laurisa
05-13-2012, 05:14 PM
Delete

FiendishGyrator
05-13-2012, 05:25 PM
You're not an idiot.
You communicated what you needed out of the relationship.
His communication skills are clearly not up to par with what an adult relationship requires.

I know you feel bad, but he was the one who forced this by not taking care of what his responsibilities are to you and to his pets.

You, and your son, and your apartment are going to be a lot better off. And he's losing a good thing. You're just losing some guy who's not even going to be man enough to pay you for the damages.

edit: I went back and read the text messages. I had an ex like that. One who swore up and down that he'd pay me back and he'd never leave me high and dry. Turns out he was so jealous over my lifestyle though, that when (during a really dry time work-wise for me) I told him I needed my money that he owed me, he practically snarled, "Why don't you go work another party then???")

Your ex is a loser who was using you. It sucks. There were good parts because nobody's not all bad. We, as dancers and escorts and camgirls and whatnot, do have a lot more flexibility than most people, but he could have gotten a second part-time job to meet his responsibilities not just as a man, but as an adult. Or, he could have sold off some stuff (like guns) and/or gotten rid of the cats. He decided not to do any of those things and what's worse, seemed to blame you for the problems he and his cats created.

That's not a man. That's a little boy who's throwing a temper tantrum and demanding his way.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

All Good Things
05-13-2012, 06:32 PM
Perhaps after you've both had some time to cool off and unwind from all the anger, you can talk more directly and productively.

The dialog in your text message reads like two exes in a bitter divorce proceeding -- you both feel unappreciated and unheard, and are fighting exclusively for advantage -- so in that sense, perhaps you've dodged a bullet.

I was also struck by how your first reaction to his walking out on you on Mother's Day immediately ran to money and property. I recognize that's where you've felt the most neglected and taken advantage of, so in that respect it makes perfect sense. But I also suspect it's where you feel most vulnerable because it's how you've lifted yourself up and defined yourself -- and critically, how you've provided for your son. Your earning money is also at the core of the fight between the two of you in the text message.

I apologize in advance for even saying this, because it sounds trite and sentimental, as well as obvious, but successful relationships are built on a deeply held desire within yourself to make the other person happy. From a logical standpoint, it's completely and utterly delusional, and from where you are right now, it probably just sounds infuriating. But until you get there -- or get back there -- you will continue to just spin your wheels with this guy.

JoJoX
05-13-2012, 07:37 PM
I think this whole cat thing runs deeper. All of your suggestions are nice but it is nothing her fiance couldn't find out on his own if Laurisa really meant something to him.

I am sorry Laurisa, I do not want to offend you or your fiance but to me it sounds like this guy is not responsible or mature enough to be in a marriage and a father figure to your son. He doesn't respect your feelings on this, he does not respect the condo you worked for and I know not everyone can make 6 figures but he also has zero financial responsibility. You don't need to be rich to be smart about money. He doesn't respect money or work ethic, especially yours- that shows because he lets his cats tear shit up. The fact that he blames you for anything really shows his lack of maturity and respect. Why do you want to marry an irresponsible disrespectful man? A real man, especially if he loves you would fix this problem right away. I understand some of the replies, that they would never choose partner over their pet, but this is a whole new level- they are destroying the life you build for yourself.

Maybe it is a sign that you should not marry him. I sure as hell wouldn't be marrying someone who is broke and have destructive animals. He really needs to grow up. In fact, I am questioning his intentions. Because like I said, if he loved you enough to be your husband, why doesn't he care about your happiness? I know for a fact that if my cat was destructive and I lived with someone else's home I would handle the situation without thinking. He is broke, that is fine, but why the hell isn't he holding up his end of the relationship? It doesn't cost anything to clean after his cat. Broke AND lazy? Deal. Breaker. Is he freeloading? Becoming dependent on you? You're paying all the bills, caring for his cats and he is only going to get lazier and lazier. How can you even be sexually attracted to someone like that? I am turned off.

I don't know you well but I remember you saying something about being a paramedic. You're doing well for yourself and you and your son deserve it. You're a great mom I can tell because you juggle work and being a mom- providing for you him and being a role model. This guy is not even a role model to his cats. Don't let a lazy man add stress into your life. A partner is suppose to add to your happiness, not compromise it.

****update after reading about him walking out****

Be happy he left. The man(boy) has no respect for you! No Happy Mothers Day??? No thank you?? What the fuck? Also, I think he is starting to feel like the loser he is because he bought up your job, which is off topic. He is taking his frustrations out on you. Something else is bothering him and he will not admit it. I really don't think it's you stressing him out. And what fiendish said was right, he bought this to his self by not taking care of the cats, and yes he is jealous of your lifestyle and ability to financially provide.

lokikola
05-13-2012, 07:46 PM
I think you're just going to have to carry on living how you're living. Because you already said he won't clean up correctly after them, he won't groom them, and he can't afford to feed them. So, you don't sound like you want to leave him, and he doesn't seem like he's going to take care of his animals. So.... keep cleaning up the shit/piss, buying them food, and say good bye to your deposit (I would also expect to have to even pay more for replacing that carpet, that is a big ass condo).

Out of curiosity, if he is a soldier how can he not afford even their food? Also, aren't you afraid of these animals being around your child?

I personally would never let someone move in with me if they had animals, especially cats because I am allergic. Dogs, maybe, but if they were as bad as those cats and the guy totally didn't give a fuck (and he doesn't), I'd kick them all out.

JoJoX
05-13-2012, 07:51 PM
Happy Mothers Day Laurisa

smithet
05-13-2012, 08:02 PM
I'm not sure I have any good advice to offer, but after reading all the updates, I think you're going to be better off. I know you're probably hurting right now, but it is definitely better for this to happen now, than after you were married. He sounds like he was causing a lot unneeded stress, and after a few weeks you may actually start feeling more relaxed. Frankly, he sounds immature and...childish. If you can't afford food for a pet, you shouldn't have one. If you are too lazy to clean up after a pet, you shouldn't have one. These are relatively simple responsibilities he couldn't handle, what happens when he is tasked with a much a larger one? Is this really someone you want around your kids as a role model. I'm sure this post sounds pretty harsh, but since only his negative traits were brought up. I'm sure he's got some positive ones, but you need to make sure they outweigh his immaturity. Hope all is well and good luck!

LAChloe
05-13-2012, 08:05 PM
Laurisa, I know right now you are hurting but I promise that next Mother's Day you are going to look back and be like, "what was I thinking?". You're going to be okay! :)

mediocrity
05-13-2012, 08:35 PM
It looks like he was passive aggressively looking for an out.

I don't know I feel like there's more to the whole thing than this.

Laurisa
05-13-2012, 08:50 PM
If there is it isn't because I've failed to leave out important details.

I think it's a lack of communication.

HEAD TURNER 2
05-14-2012, 12:11 AM
I am so sorry to hear what happened, and im quite speechless. He is trying to hurt you by walking out so let him go. Don't let him manipulate you or cause you pain because that's not what real men do.
I know it's hard because you love him but you are not getting that same love back.

Flickdreams
05-14-2012, 05:31 AM
Happy Mothers Day!!! I think he gave you the greatest gift of all in leaving- big jerk, you are going to do so much better! xx

lokikola
05-14-2012, 06:41 AM
I hope you don't feel guilty and really believe that "he has no where to go." People in the military aren't homeless, I assure you of this. He would go live in the barracks before he was homeless. He gets a housing allowance if he doesn't already live in the barracks. What is his rank? How is it that he is so poor but he has been in over 2 years? This makes no sense. I think he is bullshitting you about being as broke as he says he is. Sounds like he's just enjoying a free ride. Sorry, but I am glad he is leaving/left. You're way better off w/o someone who will choose some nasty ass psychotic cats over you and your child. If your heart aches, at least take solace in the fact that your son will be in a cleaner, safer, healthier home because those cats are gone. They should have never been there in the first place, really.

chanzep
05-14-2012, 06:49 AM
I just read this whole thing, Laurisa, I think you are better off without him he seems so selfish, he loves his cats so much but can't be bothered to look after them properly, he says you make more money than anyone he knows! is that why he expected to to keep him and his crazy cats!, I think you should find the cats a new home yourself with someone who can care for them properly, then treat you and your son with the money your be saving not havin him or the cats around x

Djoser
05-14-2012, 08:40 AM
Wait, this guy is broke but he has a 50" TV??

I know it hurts now but in the long run I suspect you will be glad it ended. And no more cats!

I love cats, but trying to deal with formerly feral cats when you aren't their primary object of affection is very, very difficult.

seashell
05-14-2012, 09:27 AM
Sorry to hear about what happened, but it does sound like you're better off without him. He can't take care of his pets or his living space, can't communicate, can't provide for you or your child -- that's not husband material, that's a LOSER who isn't ready for commitment. The fact that he walked out on Mother's Day without talking about the situation just cements it. Be happy you avoided putting up with this jerk for the rest of your life.

Kisca
05-14-2012, 09:42 AM
Shows what a man he is, by walking out, insulting your job and being all TIRED.. erhm by not even saying "thank you" nor "happy mothers day".. I mean really.. those words couldnt even come out of his mouth ? What a jerk... Be glad you arent marrying him.. He probably would get more lazier if you two got married. I dont understand how some people can be so selffish and not caring for others.

It shows how he is immature and doesnt know how to communicate properly. Seems like he needs to break some bones first then understand what the real world is. Be glad he left, heck keep his TV and property (thats saleable) for good money for the damages. Think of what kind of father he would be, if he cant even take care of his cats and himself. Look at this as a stepping stone to a better outlook.

FiendishGyrator
05-14-2012, 06:07 PM
http://chzlolcats.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/funny-pictures-group-hug.jpg

missykrissy
05-14-2012, 07:21 PM
He's not the first guy with this b.s. "Look how much $$$ you make, and poor pathetic me, when I'm trying so hard, I'm sure you can help out a little"
Grrr I do not like that routine.

mediocrity
05-15-2012, 12:50 AM
If there is it isn't because I've failed to leave out important details.

I think it's a lack of communication.

Oh I know, what I mean is this is probably not the root cause of his bullshit behaviour. Like I said, he sounds very passive aggressive, and by the texts it sounds like he's resentful of you for something.

I'm truly sorry this happened to you.

OJenni!
05-15-2012, 01:45 AM
uggggg,
I remember your cat owning saga from last year and me and others suggested that you never ever own or be in the same house as cats ever again. obvioulsy you are not a cat person and that's ok.
I'm not saying you didn't have a valid bitch with the last one it sounds like there was literally something wrong with it.
OTOH, most of the things that you complain about are just..... things that cats do. most certainly with former ferals.
I hope that you guys either re home the cats in a good verified home or humanly euthanize them... seriously. in either case they would be better off then where they are. If your boyfriend can't do that, he should move out. period.
I understand your son is special needs, that of course should be taken in account, so there is no way he should live in a pet household.

Yes exactly what I was thinking! I thought that I recall that Laurisa was the OP of that thread!

Laurisa, you are obviously not a pet person and that's fine. I am sorry to hear what happened to you this weekend, but trust me it's for the better.

I think you need to consider your values on pets in choosing the next relationship you are in. Many of the behaviours you describe as being crazy are just normal for cats. Cats scratch things, chase, find trouble, go pee, go poo, bite and shed. Some of these things can be controlled or trained, but others are just bodily functions. From the sounds of it you would not like a dog either. And many people with pets are simply not willing to give up their pet for a relationship. Its a deal breaker.

Laurisa
05-15-2012, 05:09 PM
Ugh I am so frustrated.

He 'apologized' to me and I let him stay. So he worked all day Monday and today he's been gone since 7 AM helping a friend move (it's 8:05 PM now). Who the hell takes 13 hours to move? I spent 5 hours loading my truck/driving an hour/unloading my truck/dropping it off. I had my entire house unpacked within 10 hours of picking up the truck at 8 AM. So his cats have vomited on my carpet in 5 places since Sunday. I have a stain that won't come out now. I told him he had to find a place to take the cats or put them in a pet hotel ($40/night for both) until they stop puking. He said "I have no where to take the cats, my mom won't take them, I can't afford the hotel". I told him he has to give me $40 to rent a steam cleaner PLUS the $200 he owes me for bills (which is pathetic as it is) and he's like "I'll come pick up the cats and all my shit tomorrow"...as if that's supposed to insult me. So let me get this straight, you can't afford a $40/night hotel for your cats and your mom won't let you stay with her...so where are you going to go? lol.

I've been mentally preparing myself for this for about a month now and frankly I'm sick of him. I had a great day today with my son and the only thing that stressed me out was his cats puking pink vomit on my white carpet that I cannot get out.

So hopefully he'll move his stuff out and that'll be the end of it. He can't move it out tomorrow when my son is home (that's not something I will allow my son to see) and I'll call the police if he tries to make a scene in front of him so they can deal with his antics.

He can come get his stuff tonight when my son is asleep or wait until this weekend when he's with his Dad.

Good riddance.

tinyjezebel
05-16-2012, 01:20 AM
Ugh I am so frustrated.

He 'apologized' to me and I let him stay. So he worked all day Monday and today he's been gone since 7 AM helping a friend move (it's 8:05 PM now). Who the hell takes 13 hours to move? I spent 5 hours loading my truck/driving an hour/unloading my truck/dropping it off. I had my entire house unpacked within 10 hours of picking up the truck at 8 AM. So his cats have vomited on my carpet in 5 places since Sunday. I have a stain that won't come out now. I told him he had to find a place to take the cats or put them in a pet hotel ($40/night for both) until they stop puking. He said "I have no where to take the cats, my mom won't take them, I can't afford the hotel". I told him he has to give me $40 to rent a steam cleaner PLUS the $200 he owes me for bills (which is pathetic as it is) and he's like "I'll come pick up the cats and all my shit tomorrow"...as if that's supposed to insult me. So let me get this straight, you can't afford a $40/night hotel for your cats and your mom won't let you stay with her...so where are you going to go? lol.

I've been mentally preparing myself for this for about a month now and frankly I'm sick of him. I had a great day today with my son and the only thing that stressed me out was his cats puking pink vomit on my white carpet that I cannot get out.

So hopefully he'll move his stuff out and that'll be the end of it. He can't move it out tomorrow when my son is home (that's not something I will allow my son to see) and I'll call the police if he tries to make a scene in front of him so they can deal with his antics.

He can come get his stuff tonight when my son is asleep or wait until this weekend when he's with his Dad.

Good riddance.

*claps*

I love seeing a woman stick up for herself! Makes me proud to be a woman.

Ilovetodress
05-16-2012, 04:09 PM
I know it hurts but your better off w/o him.

FiendishGyrator
05-16-2012, 06:00 PM
^Thank you. That's exactly what I was wondering. He lied about having no where to go. They have base housing, and the also get housing allowance if they live off base. so what gives?

Laurisa
05-17-2012, 07:00 AM
Deete

Dana009
05-18-2012, 10:04 AM
Wow, good luck on the exams girl. Seems like you really got your shit together, like you got a plan. So you keeping the furballs once ya got a para license? Well I hope it works out for you, or your able to work it out together. Now that your guys injured, sounds like he really needs to stay on your good side. Did you ever try any anti hairball gel for cats? The kind you shove down their throats? Coats their throats so they don't throw up. Or kitty diazapem? (valium). Believe it or not they make it for cats. Had to use it for one of my cats before.

Well anyways hope it works out.