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Decalyn
06-09-2012, 06:20 PM
When I found out I was pregnant, I really didn't think I was ready. What a lot of people forget to mention though is that you can MAKE yourself ready. I had/have nine months to prepare my life for the child I can bring into the world.

I'm 7 months pregnant with a beautiful baby girl, and I couldn't be happier. It took a lot of hustle and a lot of dedication, and thankfully I had support from my fiancee... But I made myself ready. Ask any woman on here, and they can tell you that you in no way need a man, or anyone else, to support you (though it is nice). You just have to put your mind to it, ya know?

Besides, getting an abortion can increase your chance of miscarriage in the future. At the very least, there's adoption.

Also, your boyfriend is a dick. Break up with the fucker and chase his ass for child support, because anyone not man enough to take responsibility for their own flesh and blood is the scum of the earth.

miamia4me
06-09-2012, 06:48 PM
Well I know I will never get any assistance so being a single parent is totally out of the question as the market is way to unreliable to bring another person into the world. It depends on your personal circumstances. Maybe fortunately for me I know it would not be feasible which is why I focus on taking care of myself cause no one else will. If your situation and circumstances allow for you have the child then go ahead and I hope it works out for both of you.

missjzone
06-10-2012, 05:07 PM
im not sure youre ever totally "ready" for all that being a parent brings. it's a level of selfness that many of us have never been through. but, the truth is if you care enough you end up doing a good job and being rewarded for all the hard work.

Jay12
06-10-2012, 10:13 PM
When I found out I was pregnant, I really didn't think I was ready. What a lot of people forget to mention though is that you can MAKE yourself ready. I had/have nine months to prepare my life for the child I can bring into the world.

I'm 7 months pregnant with a beautiful baby girl, and I couldn't be happier. It took a lot of hustle and a lot of dedication, and thankfully I had support from my fiancee... But I made myself ready. Ask any woman on here, and they can tell you that you in no way need a man, or anyone else, to support you (though it is nice). You just have to put your mind to it, ya know?

Besides, getting an abortion can increase your chance of miscarriage in the future. At the very least, there's adoption.

Also, your boyfriend is a dick. Break up with the fucker and chase his ass for child support, because anyone not man enough to take responsibility for their own flesh and blood is the scum of the earth.

Did you do any camming during the pregnancy? I'm camming more than I used to do now, and it's a pretty decent income to raise a kid and pay for things especially if you cut corners by nursing, using cloth diapers, and buying the baby's clothes second handed.

No, abortion doesn't increase chances of miscarriages. I had an elective abortion once, and I didn't miscarried this one I'm expecting.

JayATee
06-11-2012, 07:09 PM
I was married and we were supporting our three kids fine when my husband at the time became abusive, lost his job, and we got divorced. Our house was foreclosed on. My children and I were on Medicaid and food stamps. I took out student loans and used government grants. I just graduated last month. I was recently flown, all expenses paid, to an interview hundreds of miles from my home and I alone will soon be making well over the median income for a two income home. I am a perfect example of someone who has used the system and will now be paying it back, and then some. I am more than happy that I will be fortunate to help those who need it. Be careful of the stones you so easily throw because you never know what life has in store!

No this is very different than what was said earlier. Your situation is precisely the reason there are programs out there. I'm not talking about people like you. I'm talking about a woman who has no real means of supporting herself and then on top of it decides to have a child she also can't afford to support because she can get on welfare. I didn't throw stones. I said it was irresponsible to have a baby you can't afford to feed without government assitance because it is. If I'd had no way to support myself or my daughter, she wouldn't be here.

BringOnTheMen
06-11-2012, 11:23 PM
A surgical abortion is NOT probable to negatively affect reproduction later. The chances of miscarriage slightly increase (http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1645.aspx?CategoryID=60&SubCategoryID=177) but not by nearly enough to make it "probable" or "likely." As Mediocrity said earlier, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage anyway. It sucks for those that are adamantly pro-life but pregnancy and childbirth is a numbers game...many just don't make it.

For those that are just worried about health risks, abortion is much much safer than childbirth (http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/23/us-abortion-idUSTRE80M2BS20120123).

Kellydancer
06-12-2012, 12:05 AM
I had a LEEP and my doctor said this isn't always an issue with regards to miscarriage. She said though that it can vary on the procedure and someone with a lesser issue will have less problems. The fact is there are many things that can increase miscarriage and abortion isn't one of the big ones as far as I know. One is a weak cervix, another is certain kinds of cancers around that area (I don't remember which ones), certain physical activities and genetics, among other things. Some women are just more prone to miscarriages. My sister in law had a miscarriage at 5 months and with my niece had to be stitched up because her cervix is soft. I doubt they will have more kids because of the high risk with the previous pregnancy.

BOTM, I was on a religious site talking about abortion and health of the mother and these religious fanatics told me they believe women who die from childbirth are doing "God's will". That kind of attitude just floored me. I actually had the guts to tell them I would abort before I would die and they got annoyed. If I told them that I support abortion, I think they would have banned me or something. The fact is some women do die in childbirth even now but I don't hear that often of women dying of abortions now unless they were illegal.

miamia4me
06-12-2012, 03:24 AM
My friend from high school died giving birth to her first child at age 23. So tragic I couldn't believe it. How...why...? It still happens even to mid-20s healthy women.

JayATee
06-12-2012, 06:58 AM
ONE abortion will not lead to infertility. Honestly, I've known people that have used abortion as birth control, even in that extreme, while it may increase the chances when used that frequently, it still does not render one incapable of having babies.

BOTM, I was on a religious site talking about abortion and health of the mother and these religious fanatics told me they believe women who die from childbirth are doing "God's will". That kind of attitude just floored me. I actually had the guts to tell them I would abort before I would die and they got annoyed. If I told them that I support abortion, I think they would have banned me or something. The fact is some women do die in childbirth even now but I don't hear that often of women dying of abortions now unless they were illegal.

That POV is so fucking backwards it's disgusting. I don't know where the fuck they got their teachings from. In Judaism, if the pregnancy risks the mothers life, you save the mother, not the child. I can't fathom a god that would want it any other way.

Optimist
06-12-2012, 05:49 PM
Here's a link to some accurate info on the health risks with abortion. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/pregnancy/thinking-about-abortion-21519.htm

People think that unplanned pregnancy/parenthood just works out, but that's not always the case. It's a good idea to think about who can help you financially. Who will let you live with them if necessary? Who are the good influences and bad influences on kids in your life? That will help you determine who your circle of support should be made from.

Without support or with unreliable support bad things do happen to well meaning parents. Check this out ecause this is why you need to plan very carefully. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/07/nyregion/07summer.html

tuesdaymarie
06-12-2012, 10:58 PM
I don't think there's any "normal" families out there. Single parent + child is still a family and it works. If anything, drama is spared. That was my upbringing and it was drama-free in that regard. (Secretly, I think I'm happy I was raised without a father because I hate that most of them are controlling and feel like they need to be the leaders. Not all are like that, but majority that I was around were like that.)

Flip side here, and drama was amped up like crazy in my household because of my mother's singledom. If the parent chooses to begin dating and doesn't put the original family first (while they're still minors and in the home), then it's hell. I think that dynamic warped my view on male authority/parental figures. I instinctively distrust them and am overly reactive to their anger. Like you said, there is no normal, and there is no "if anything" rule for any setup.

Has OP checked in in a while? I reviewed the thread a few days ago and didn't see her. Honestly, I'm pro choice but imagine I would have a difficult time getting an abortion. I do feel as though it would be the right choice for me though. Few things are more terrifying than not being able to make ends meet. I grew up with anxiety issues that affected my mental and physical health because I knew my mother could not provide for us. It made me wiser, but as a child, it was torturous. Relying on welfare feels just as bad as starving for some people, and the confines of the system make it very difficult for anyone who is on welfare to successfully get off of it. You barely cross the line into being able to buy groceries and suddenly you're not "needy" enough. Your foundation is ripped out from under you and you're sent toppling back into the red and all the despair that comes with it. I totally understand life screwing people over and them turning to government help, but I would never advise someone to not worry about an extra mouth to feed if the system is their rock.

MyButter
06-13-2012, 09:04 AM
Sorry if the above sounded bitchy. Its just that the above situation made me reassess everything. I used to believe that children needed both parents but after that er, ordeal...i realized that one parent is sufficient as long as the individual who is doing the parenting is willing to put in the combined time and effort that 2 parents would normally provide.

JayATee
06-13-2012, 10:03 AM
i realized that one parent is sufficient as long as the individual who is doing the parenting is willing to put in the combined time and effort that 2 parents would normally provide.

Precisely. I already said that above. I didn't say there was anything wrong with single parent families:
^Just because you can make the best of something doesn't mean that particular something is best. Single parenting may wind up being totally great if the single parent is committed to making it so, that doesn't mean the child won't always want the one parent they didn't know. Look how many adopted kids go looking for their "real" parents.

FFS.::)

CurvySweet
06-13-2012, 10:52 AM
My advice is: Do what YOU feel is best for YOU and your future. Where do you see yourself etc. Could you cope being a single mum? One thing is for sure, make your choice and don't look back with regret.

I've been there and had the abortion for the simple reasons that I myself didn't feel that I am a strong enough person to bring a child up on my own, on benefits living in some awful high rise flat. Do I regret it? No. Its been many years now and only the other day did it come to my mind when I read about abortion rates. It made me mad how they blamed women.

Kellydancer
06-13-2012, 10:54 AM
Ok this whole "if a couple has a baby the wife has to give up her career or never see the baby" is total bullshit. What is this the 50s? I don't know where people live, but my field is a 40 hour a week job and there would be plenty of time to see a baby. Besides maybe the MAN could give up his career or maybe they could do a split shift or so many other variations.

Sorry but a baby needs two parents if at all possible. I realize this isn't always possible, but these young women who have kids in their teens and early 20s without education are just making it hard on themselves. This whole mentality of a baby doesn't need a dad just bothers me because I feel they do.

CupCake
06-13-2012, 12:26 PM
To the OP,

I hope you've been able to make a decision that you feel is the right decision for YOU.

Myself, and may other members in this forum can attest to the fact that making a decision, especially one so very personal is difficult.

Just try to keep in mind all of the other variables that can come into play if you chose to parent this child. The best advice I can give to you right now, is just try to be subjective when making a decision like this...try and keep all emotion out if possible.

You seem so very young, and have so many years ahead of yourself.

Where do you see yourself in 5+ years or 10+. Try to keep in mind the goals you had pre-pregnancy as well.

Be realistic about your decision, and the effects it will have later.

Have you looked into all of your options? Adoption, Abortion, parenting?

Ask yourself why you want a baby right now, especially with someone that is not on the same page. I think it would almost be unfair to both of you to romanticize any of those three decisions.

Ask yourself how you would deal with a mentally/physically handicapped child?

Can you dedicate 100% of your life to another human being for the next 18+years?

Can you afford to raise a child in this economy?

Are you ready to deal with your "boyfriend" for the next 18+ years of that child?

Dancing is not a steady income please don't forget that.

What are your college plans, do you think you can reach your goals with a child?

Make sure you are informed about any decisions you make, if you decide to go with adoption/abortion.

mediocrity
06-13-2012, 02:16 PM
I'm not saying it's WRONG. I'm saying it isn't OPTIMAL. What I'm mainly stressing is that both parents WANT the child. Having two parents in the picture who love and wanted you regardless of their marital status is, in my experience, much better for the child's well being.

Kellydancer
06-13-2012, 03:36 PM
^^^
That sums it up nicely. I will be the first to admit that I was lucky to be born into a two parent middle class situation where I was wanted and where I was provided for nicely. I never wanted for much. I also know many women who had children where the dad wasn't in the picture and these children whether we want to admit it or not are at a terrible disadvantage. Not to mention financially and yes I do resent it when my taxes keep going up to pay for this. It's not just welfare either, as children born in this situation often become drains on society, whether it's crime, or the various other social ills that are directly linked to children born to single moms without dad in the picture. This isn't to say single moms couldn't raise healthy kids, they can, but too often it becomes difficult.

mediocrity
06-13-2012, 05:05 PM
I suggest reading the chapter in Freakanomics about the economic correlation between abortion, "wanted-ness", and crime. The numbers are interesting to say the least. Numbers, unlike people, are not opinionated.

Kellydancer
06-13-2012, 05:11 PM
I've been wanting to read that. I did read an interesting article on how abortion has decreased crime in some segments of the population.

cherryblossomsinspring
06-13-2012, 06:03 PM
So what's the verdict? I'm curious to know what she decided , does anyone have an update since this thread started a month ago.

BringOnTheMen
06-13-2012, 10:28 PM
just because one is a sex worker doesn't mean one needs to be accepting of everything.

+ one million. So sick of being told that I don't get to judge because I'm a stripper.

Kellydancer
06-13-2012, 11:14 PM
I know, that whole idea that being a stripper means being open to everything is just strange. I had a friend who was sleeping with guys left and right (no she wasn't a sex worker at all)and when I judged her I was told I had no business judging her because I was a stripper.

mediocrity
06-14-2012, 12:28 AM
lol here it goes again. People taking my words (and others) completely out of context and arguing their points which no one challenged. Hilarious. There is so much projection in this thread though that I can't help but lol. Sad that most people do not agree that the OP should do whats best FOR HER, and want her to do what they think is best in general. Such is the problem with the world.

She shouldn't do what's best for her. She should do what is best for her potential child.

cherryblossomsinspring
06-14-2012, 03:20 AM
I know, that whole idea that being a stripper means being open to everything is just strange. I had a friend who was sleeping with guys left and right (no she wasn't a sex worker at all)and when I judged her I was told I had no business judging her because I was a stripper.

+2!! . I'm growing tired of hearing " we'll you're in this industry and should........" Like morals or opinions are clearly thrown out the window once I throw on a gstring. Seriously that is rather sickening!


My take is that if you can have two parents why wouldn't you want that. It's true we don't live in a perfect world but why start off on shaky ground if you can avoid it.

BringOnTheMen
06-14-2012, 08:00 AM
I just think that sometimes a single parent family can actually be the best option --and this doesn't have to be the result of abuse, or scenarios when one parent is unable to be there. It is something that is absolutely 500% variant to the dedication of said parent in commiting to the child. So in retrospect this ideal in turn seems flawed and exclusive to me. I know you said that you had already pointed this out...but I guess I am interpreting this completely differently (like you ever-so-nicely mentioned, perhaps I need to brush up on my reading-comprehension skills. Thankyou for that gracious recommendation =p)...you are wording it so that it sounded like this still isn't the BEST option out there and commiting to single parent child rearing may not, despite your best efforts, satisfy your childs emotional/developmental needs. IDK, I just don't think this is always the case...


I agree to disagree. Not trying to prove your FACTS wrong, because I clearly understand that they are FACTS, I just think that children have the capacity to flourish in any setting, if they are given enough commitment... whether that be from a single parent on welfare or an entire village.

For christ's sake...the 'facts' aren't exactly in our (sexworkers) favor, either...

I honestly don't think anyone disagrees with you. What people are trying to point out is that if you had the option to "make do" with the crappy situation and hope it turned out fine and put it off for a few years while you make a conscious effort to make your situation better, it just makes more sense to choose the latter. Nobody is saying that it's *impossible* to have a stable single parent household, but it's more probable with 2 parents, and even more probable with 2 parents who have been planning for the child for a long time. When someone else's life is at stake, I tend not to want to throw caution in the wind and act against the statistics.

Or to think about it in pure economic terms. Sure, nobody is saying that it will be impossible to raise the child at the current income level of barely anything and no support from the father. Like other people said, there's welfare and food stamps and shelters and chances of good luck. But when I picture myself having a child, I honestly just can't justify eating out of cans every day, not being able to send her off to prestigious summer camps and after school activities, and telling her that she can only attend a school she gets funding for, just for the sake of having her a few years early. Parents should always aspire to give their child a life twice as good as their own, and my life has been pretty amazing so far.

Kellydancer
06-14-2012, 11:45 AM
+2!! . I'm growing tired of hearing " we'll you're in this industry and should........" Like morals or opinions are clearly thrown out the window once I throw on a gstring. Seriously that is rather sickening!


My take is that if you can have two parents why wouldn't you want that. It's true we don't live in a perfect world but why start off on shaky ground if you can avoid it.

Exactly. I suspect some people think all strippers hate men, are single moms, etc and when one doesn't fit that stereotype (as most here don't)then there's all kinds of comments like accepting certain things. One poster (who I suspect is a troll)posted some very bizarre things and when people told her she was wrong she said something like "I thought strippers would be more accepting".

I am a feminist and I believe in equal rights and all of that, but the one thing that happened is this idea that men aren't needed for a child. It has caused untold damage to our society. Unfortunately it's not always an option but I know for me I would rather not have kids if I knew the dad wouldn't stick around. I see my life versus the kids I know who didn't have a dad and the difference is vast.

MyButter
06-14-2012, 06:21 PM
^*applauds*

According to wikipedia..(hopefully that is credible enough, lol) 80% of single mothers are employed, with 50% being employed full time and 30% being employed part time. It goes on to explain that only 27% of single mothers live below the poverty line.

Here is the link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single_parent

I was weary about using singleparentmagazine as a reference because well, it is pro single-parent, lol, but the statistical information corresponds with that of Wikipedia...so here is the link to this site if you would like to do some cross-referencing:

http://www.singleparentmagazine.net/single-parent-statistics/

Just thought I'd share.

Optimist
06-16-2012, 09:59 AM
The thread has been cleaned up because it's wandered way off topic. Keep responses specific to her, the OP. Feel free to start a debate thread on the pros and cons of single parenthood, that was great info.

lexxx
06-17-2012, 02:50 PM
Hello everyone thanks again for all the responses. I decided to have an abortion. I could have raised a child on my own, but at this point in my life I'm not ready to change, and I would have made a lousy parent. In the future when I am ready (and preferably married) and able to provide a good life for them, I'd love to have kids. Now just isn't the time. It was a really hard decision because I was soooo emotional from the hormones, but after it was over I felt relieved and haven't regretted it.

tuesdaymarie
06-17-2012, 02:55 PM
^Glad you're doing well!

spf
06-17-2012, 09:31 PM
Thanks for checking back in. I'm not sure how long the recovery period is, but I hope it goes (went?) Ok. I'm not one for prayer and whatnot, but I've been thinking about you and wishing you strength and peace.

cherryblossomsinspring
06-17-2012, 09:52 PM
Thanks for checking in lexxx. I'm so relieved you are doing well!

BringOnTheMen
06-18-2012, 12:13 AM
Hello everyone thanks again for all the responses. I decided to have an abortion. I could have raised a child on my own, but at this point in my life I'm not ready to change, and I would have made a lousy parent. In the future when I am ready (and preferably married) and able to provide a good life for them, I'd love to have kids. Now just isn't the time. It was a really hard decision because I was soooo emotional from the hormones, but after it was over I felt relieved and haven't regretted it.

I'm glad everything went well. The same exact thing happened with me-the decision was so difficult because I was so emotional from the hormones but the *second* I woke up all I could feel was relief, absolutely no regrets. I hope you find a good spouse to raise a child sometime in the future and have a wonderful and comfortable life with them. :hugs:

Optimist
06-18-2012, 11:31 AM
I too am glad you checked in. I was getting a little concerned. I'm glad we could share a lot of info to help you debate it out. :hug:

missjzone
06-18-2012, 04:48 PM
In Judaism, if the pregnancy risks the mothers life, you save the mother, not the child. I can't fathom a god that would want it any other way.

I disagree. I believe that as a mother Id give my life for my child.

JayATee
07-17-2012, 06:03 PM
I disagree. I believe that as a mother Id give my life for my child.

You don't have to agree. As a mother you should feel that way. That doesn't mean you should bring life into this world and leave it helpless and motherless. That's why the rule is written as such.

zivlet
07-21-2012, 09:35 PM
Anyway, I just came on to say to the OP I think yuo definitely did the right thing, glad you're okay :)

Optimist
07-22-2012, 01:06 AM
The OP's question has been resolved.