View Full Version : Men Age 30-40 And Their Lack Of Commitment
LaurenAus
06-02-2012, 11:44 AM
you make a good point Kelly..
Kellydancer
06-02-2012, 11:48 AM
Unfortunately it's something I learned all too well. I will admit I used to seek those men and found out beyond looks and money they were nothing.
cherryblossomsinspring
06-02-2012, 12:30 PM
Dating younger dudes is a Sorry waste of time ..and just NEVER works , women who fall into this trap get hurt really badly and you can see why ..Yes of course a young dude is going to Bang some 45 year Old when he is 35 ..he will persue this for his own ends . But only a Dude , with some form of Mother fantasy is going to Hang around , it simply does not Work , the female is in HIGH RISK on the child birth side , and the poor young bloke could be looking a " HELL " in 5 years ..Its simply a match ( Sorry ) that while your arse points to the ground will NEVER work .
Thats the truth ..Ive seen it time and time again ..You get BADLY hurt , and it happens in 5 years , when he decides he's going to have a Kid . EVERY TIME ..its quite logical an outcome .
I have to disagree with this. Perhaps you have seen this happen to some women but a few of the guys I dated considered their best relationships to be with older women. I felt like wtf are you doing with me? lol I'm talking 8-10 upwards. The only issues is that after a certain time their interests split. The woman is more so a homebody and the man wants to go out and do things. That's the only time where I've seen it not work. But for the woman that goes to events several times a week , the younger guy can keep up. Also read that the sexual compatibility with a young man and an older woman seems to be a perfect match. Men their age or older in general have sexual difficulties. They either have issues getting it up, keeping it up and lasting long enough to even get inside. Viagra and Cialis can help but it seems like you can cook dinner for a family of 5 before it starts working. I don't know haven't really met anyone that openly used it. The only time I saw someone take it was when some guy lied on his profile about being a certain age 32, met him and he was like 42 3 inches shorter and was trying to get me to his house. I foolishly went with no worries in the world only to later have to keep fighting the guy off me and watching him take the pill. Dumb fuck left the bathroom cracked open. So I try to make a beeline for the door and he blocks the door telling me to wait. Uggh I later smacked him because he tried to feel me up when I got to my car. Some guys wow. Desperation to an ultimate level.
After that everyone yelled at me and said" are you fucking crazy??" never go over to a guy's house you just met. I really believed he wanted to watch a movie with me but I was pushing him off me the whole night. No attraction what so ever.
So yeah that's the only time I've seen someone reach for a blue pill and btw if you know you're not going to sleep with the guys it's the rudest thing ever to witness.
cherryblossomsinspring
06-02-2012, 12:40 PM
I'm seeing a lot of 50 year old men wanting to finally settle down and assume they will find a 25 year old woman. The reality is these guys are in delusional land and how many 20something women will date them? I'm 41 and even I think men much older than early 50's is way too old for me. I'm on a religious dating site and all these 50something men desiring younger women not only makes the 50 year old women (most of which are hotter than the men)disgusted but the men end up complaining in the forums about the lack of available women. I mean, we all know that age doesn't determine whether one can have kids or not and that there are infertile younger women and MEN.
One guy was really persistent on whatsyourprice sending me the same offer over and over again. He was I think 48 and his profile said "looking for marriage". I was laughing so hard because to me it just didn't make sense. Where have you been for the last 40 years? Plus the age was probably 53-55 you know people always seem to lie by a few. But I didn't get why a guy is looking to get someone so much younger to be shackled down to cleaning a baby's ass and his into her future. I always think that's the most selfish shit possible. Like really? So you lived your life and now you want to take my life away too?
The guy was also saying " I'm not a sugar daddy".Really? because I really don't see why someone under 30 would marry your ass.
I have no issues with people marrying later in life , that's fine. The issue is the guy with the serious age gap trying to hold someone that much younger down. It's a serious form of selfishness that is a total turn off. I will say he looked pretty good for his age but still how recent are those pics?
GlamourRouge
06-02-2012, 01:22 PM
I've dated men like you describe and never again. I think that is the mistake women make going after those guys (who are extremely rare)instead of trying more approachable men. I'm not saying dating a fat man who lives in a basement and doesn't work, but rather a decent looking man who has a decent job. The guy who will not win a beauty contest and will never be a millionaire but will be a devoted husband and father. These guys aren't as concerned about looks and unlike the others will stick around.
Well that was the point. If you want to settle for someone not very attractive or not as motivated, then its much easier to get by on just looking average or letting yourself go a little because they will be much more likely to settle knowing they can't get the best of the best. But if you want the best of the best, they are going to want the same in their partner. And lets face it, most people tend to want the best of the best but they just don't put in the same effort into themselves, yet their ego is too inflated to be able to admit it. It goes both ways. Males and females.
And you have to wait for a guy to go after you. If a guy does not chase you, he does not want you and will not keep you around long. So in order to get noticed in the first place, you have to have yourself or your style impeccably groomed, as well as not letting yourself go. That was my point.
Unfortunately it's something I learned all too well. I will admit I used to seek those men and found out beyond looks and money they were nothing.
Thats pretty stereotypical and judgmental IMO. People with money come from all kinds of backgrounds. It could be inherited money, investment money, or hard-earned saved money. And to be honest, those with real money hardly flash it around- ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating (avoiding gold diggers) so it would take awhile to just find out they have money. Of course it won't work out if you dating someone who flashes their money right & left. Because its probably not real money (or not as much as you thought), and they only date for eye candy. But those guys WILL NEVER settle down because they get bored and move on to the next perfect 10 in a couple months.
Kellydancer
06-02-2012, 01:27 PM
Well that was the point. If you want to settle for someone not very attractive or not as motivated, then its much easier to get by on just looking average or letting yourself go a little because they will be much more likely to settle knowing they can't get the best of the best. But if you want the best of the best, they are going to want the same in their partner. And lets face it, most people tend to want the best of the best but they just don't put in the same effort into themselves, yet their ego is too inflated to be able to admit it. It goes both ways. Males and females.
But it's not settling it's realizing maybe looks or money isn't everything. I'd rather have a man who will remain devoted to me and one who will be there for me than a hot man. Besides, what if that hot wealthy man loses his looks in an accident and loses his money? then he has nothing. I'm not saying date a man you find unappealing or a man who doesn't make good money, I'm saying looks and money aren't everything.
Kellydancer
06-02-2012, 01:29 PM
One guy was really persistent on whatsyourprice sending me the same offer over and over again. He was I think 48 and his profile said "looking for marriage". I was laughing so hard because to me it just didn't make sense. Where have you been for the last 40 years? Plus the age was probably 53-55 you know people always seem to lie by a few. But I didn't get why a guy is looking to get someone so much younger to be shackled down to cleaning a baby's ass and his into her future. I always think that's the most selfish shit possible. Like really? So you lived your life and now you want to take my life away too?
The guy was also saying " I'm not a sugar daddy".Really? because I really don't see why someone under 30 would marry your ass.
I have no issues with people marrying later in life , that's fine. The issue is the guy with the serious age gap trying to hold someone that much younger down. It's a serious form of selfishness that is a total turn off. I will say he looked pretty good for his age but still how recent are those pics?
He probably was one of those delusional men who thinks he can get anyone and is really fat. I've seen those guys who post old photos and then when you meet he is much older and fatter. I cringe when I get guys in their mid 50's or older contact me because I refuse to settle for a man much older.
GlamourRouge
06-02-2012, 01:32 PM
But it's not settling it's realizing maybe looks or money isn't everything. I'd rather have a man who will remain devoted to me and one who will be there for me than a hot man. Besides, what if that hot wealthy man loses his looks in an accident and loses his money? then he has nothing. I'm not saying date a man you find unappealing or a man who doesn't make good money, I'm saying looks and money aren't everything.
Of course they are loyal, but by dating men who are not attractive and who are not financially stable, you are essentially settling for someone who is not as motivated as they could be and has physically let themselves go. So of course anyone could rope one of those guys because they know they can't get the perfect 10 so they only expect a partner on their same level. An average girl with average looks, maybe financially stable maybe not, and a good personality. But its still settling. The difference is you are both settling for someone on the same level.
Kellydancer
06-02-2012, 01:54 PM
Of course they are loyal, but by dating men who are not attractive and who are not financially stable, you are essentially settling for someone who is not as motivated as they could be and has physically let themselves go. So of course anyone could rope one of those guys because they know they can't get the perfect 10 so they only expect a partner on their same level. An average girl with average looks, maybe financially stable maybe not, and a good personality. But its still settling. The difference is you are both settling for someone on the same level.
You are missing my point. I am not saying dating a man you find unattractive or a financially unstable man. I am saying that perhaps the good looking wealthy man might not be the best choice. Maybe an average man (meaning not fat or ugly)with an average job (say middle management as compared to CEO)might be a better choice for someone. I do not settle but also know looks aren't everything. The guy I am interested in now is a business owner but is average in looks. I wouldn't have considered him 10 years ago but find myself attracted to him.
unbeleavable
06-02-2012, 01:55 PM
Like I posted above, I'm in the demographic & I will not settle for something I'm not going to be happy with. I workout 5 days a week, make 6 figures, drive a nice benz & live in a killer condo. I'm not looking for perfection but I would like something that matches up with the qulities I have.
lifetravelergirl
06-02-2012, 02:30 PM
I dispute ...
^_^
Yes you do.
GlamourRouge
06-02-2012, 02:34 PM
Like I posted above, I'm in the demographic & I will not settle for something I'm not going to be happy with. I workout 5 days a week, make 6 figures, drive a nice benz & live in a killer condo. I'm not looking for perfection but I would like something that matches up with the qulities I have.
Yeah totally. That's my point. I think a lot of people in our world (both male and female) are delusional in thinking they can get someone with better looks, more money, etc etc than they have, when in reality people only want to settle with someone on the same (or a higher) level. So of course it would be easier to rope someone in on a level below yours if you're willing to settle for it, but no one really wants to settle. I think the problem is that a lot of people want the best of the best, but are not willing to put that same effort into themselves & end up projecting that hatred toward "rich men" "extremely hot women" in general when really they themselves are their only issue.
lifetravelergirl
06-02-2012, 02:37 PM
Agreed. I have no doubt that had I been picky with who I dated and slept with at an earlier age I would be married. Whether we want to admit this or not, if men weren't getting sex and they really liked the girl they would stick around. If they were just about sex they would dump her no matter what. I made the vow years ago to abstain from sex until marriage or at least engagement because quite frankly I am done with men using me. My mom always says that "men sleep with sluts but marry good girls". True to some extent because many men don't respect women they sleep with, especially early on. If more women realized this we could all take back this power.
The sexual revolution ruined it for women and we are reaping the tragic consequences with the problems of out of wedlock children, mulitple marriages, men refusing to marry, live in relationships, and this extension of refusing to grow up.
Yep ^_^ .
I was listening to Dr. Drew Pinsky on Love Lines a radio show about sex and relationships and he was talking about how not having sex with the wrong guy won't cause him to stick around and that's true. Not having sex with the wrong guy won't cause him to become the right guy or cause him to stick around however it is a way to weed out the wrong guys.
lifetravelergirl
06-02-2012, 02:45 PM
I remember when I was in love with my ex how much happier and healthier I felt. He inspired me to be do more with my life and I did. Also my skin was clearer and I was just healthier and looked better. I read a long time ago that a woman is like a garden and her husband (or partner) can either tend to the soil, water and nurture the garden or cheat on her and be a self-centered jerk. ^_^ What I am saying is in some way you get back what you put into it. But many if not most guys are so busy checking out other gardens that they never put any effort into the one they have and it becomes weed-infested and then of course they blame the garden, not realizing that relationships take two people working together. As women we give of ourselves like a garden, we provide sustenance to the man. But my experience is that most men today only know how to tear fruit from the vine, they don't know how to give back. And I think porn has taught men to spend all their time searching for plump shiny fruit and their gardening skills have fallen by the wayside.
Kellydancer
06-02-2012, 03:39 PM
Yep ^_^ .
I was listening to Dr. Drew Pinsky on Love Lines a radio show about sex and relationships and he was talking about how not having sex with the wrong guy won't cause him to stick around and that's true. Not having sex with the wrong guy won't cause him to become the right guy or cause him to stick around however it is a way to weed out the wrong guys.
Unfortunately I learned the hard way on this but it taught me a lesson. I'm not against sex that is no strings (though it's not for me)but not interested in sleeping with a man who I don't see long term potential with.
Kellydancer
06-02-2012, 03:47 PM
Yeah totally. That's my point. I think a lot of people in our world (both male and female) are delusional in thinking they can get someone with better looks, more money, etc etc than they have, when in reality people only want to settle with someone on the same (or a higher) level. So of course it would be easier to rope someone in on a level below yours if you're willing to settle for it, but no one really wants to settle. I think the problem is that a lot of people want the best of the best, but are not willing to put that same effort into themselves & end up projecting that hatred toward "rich men" "extremely hot women" in general when really they themselves are their only issue.
I don't see hatred against rich guys or beautiful women. I can get hot men with money and have gotten these men. I might be older but am still quite a hot thing. However I am older and don't want a man with an awful personality, no matter his looks or his money. I know plenty of women who dated and married rich men and men who looked model good looking and life doesn't turn out as you think. People leave, have accidents where they lose their looks, and yes lose their money. I've seen companies go bankrupt as owners died and have seen a lot of tragedy. For some unexplained reason you seem to think there is either/or as in a guy is handsome or ugly or wealthy/poor and life isn't that simple. Besides, a man who is rich isn't necessarily a better man than a middle class man. Many wealthy men inherited it from their parents and I know plenty of hard working people who never achieved CEO level. Same thing with looks and in previous posts I clearly state I do not date fat men. If I was overweight then yes that would be delusional but I am not.
I put a lot of effort in my looks and smarts but no I don't want to be judged by how hot I am.
GlamourRouge
06-02-2012, 04:49 PM
I don't see hatred against rich guys or beautiful women. I can get hot men with money and have gotten these men. I might be older but am still quite a hot thing. However I am older and don't want a man with an awful personality, no matter his looks or his money. I know plenty of women who dated and married rich men and men who looked model good looking and life doesn't turn out as you think. People leave, have accidents where they lose their looks, and yes lose their money. I've seen companies go bankrupt as owners died and have seen a lot of tragedy. For some unexplained reason you seem to think there is either/or as in a guy is handsome or ugly or wealthy/poor and life isn't that simple. Besides, a man who is rich isn't necessarily a better man than a middle class man. Many wealthy men inherited it from their parents and I know plenty of hard working people who never achieved CEO level. Same thing with looks and in previous posts I clearly state I do not date fat men. If I was overweight then yes that would be delusional but I am not.
I put a lot of effort in my looks and smarts but no I don't want to be judged by how hot I am.
lol we are arguing completely different things
NathanM
06-02-2012, 05:48 PM
-snipped- Not every dude wants a non committed empty love life and a slew of one night stands eventually gets old.
Quoted for truth! I am at the point in my life I feel I have nothing to prove to anyone. I have been there, done that and am no longer interested in keeping a tally of my conquests. IF the right woman for me is out there, we will find each other some way, but woman hopping would give an impression I would not want to start building a serious relationship on.
unbeleavable
06-02-2012, 08:56 PM
Yeah totally. That's my point. I think a lot of people in our world (both male and female) are delusional in thinking they can get someone with better looks, more money, etc etc than they have, when in reality people only want to settle with someone on the same (or a higher) level. So of course it would be easier to rope someone in on a level below yours if you're willing to settle for it, but no one really wants to settle. I think the problem is that a lot of people want the best of the best, but are not willing to put that same effort into themselves & end up projecting that hatred toward "rich men" "extremely hot women" in general when really they themselves are their only issue.
Perfect post...self becomes the issue not what the potential partner is, has or has not, lost is the definition. Effort is the key & equal effort back...
shift_6x
06-03-2012, 11:55 PM
Shift I agree and I think women are pressured so much in this society. It really stinks to be an older woman because of society and also because there are too many men with this mentality that women like us aren't good enough for them. I've always said if I didn't give birth adoption is good too.
Im better than many well established great looking men..So many "beautiful" people r so shallow and vain that they r a joke to me...I know how to get all fixed up and play the role, but the real me is alot more down to earth. And when I run across the few people that r like me it makes me happy.....And as for the guys who think 32 or 41 is 'too old' I feel sorry for them. I am flawed but I think a hell of alot about myself..I also dont believe that we all have to maintain a perfect 10 of our best health in order to keep a good relationship w an attractive partners..Even attractive people rnt perfect..I actually find myself attracted to my partner's flaws sometimes...Perfection is overrated.
Kellydancer
06-04-2012, 12:11 AM
Im better than many well established great looking men..So many "beautiful" people r so shallow and vain that they r a joke to me...I know how to get all fixed up and play the role, but the real me is alot more down to earth. And when I run across the few people that r like me it makes me happy.....And as for the guys who think 32 or 41 is 'too old' I feel sorry for them. I am flawed but I think a hell of alot about myself..I also dont believe that we all have to maintain a perfect 10 of our best health in order to keep a good relationship w an attractive partners..Even attractive people rnt perfect..I actually find myself attracted to my partner's flaws sometimes...Perfection is overrated.
Can't disagree with you at all. I am more with it than most men my age but am not perfect either and don't want mr perfect, just mr perfect for me. I will admit I am somewhat shallow even now, but I think that's normal, unless it is preventing any good guys from being boyfriends.
Shift, do you do online dating? I have been doing that, and meeting guys. I have to say the men I have been meeting are beyond superficial and yet most aren't anything at all. I expect that from the hot men who are successful but most of these guys aren't even that. These guys online are far pickier than anything I see in real life.
Yeah totally. That's my point. I think a lot of people in our world (both male and female) are delusional in thinking they can get someone with better looks, more money, etc etc than they have, when in reality people only want to settle with someone on the same (or a higher) level.
Maybe it's not delusional thinking but realizing that unless you can get someone above your level it is simply not worth to go through the hassle. I imagine a lot of those guys aren't thinking "i can get a woman much younger and hotter than me" but "if i can't get a woman much younger and hotter than me then why should i even bother". To be quite honest that's exactly where i am, i am perfectly happy with being single so i only date when i happen to find someone far above the level i should be dating at.
lokikola
06-04-2012, 06:57 AM
Can't force anyone to settle down with you regardless of how they look or how old they are.
shift_6x
06-04-2012, 11:39 AM
Can't disagree with you at all. I am more with it than most men my age but am not perfect either and don't want mr perfect, just mr perfect for me. I will admit I am somewhat shallow even now, but I think that's normal, unless it is preventing any good guys from being boyfriends.
Shift, do you do online dating? I have been doing that, and meeting guys. I have to say the men I have been meeting are beyond superficial and yet most aren't anything at all. I expect that from the hot men who are successful but most of these guys aren't even that. These guys online are far pickier than anything I see in real life.
I havent tried online dating yet. Yea I do think its funny when an avg looking guy thinks he deserves a supermodel type gf..Its comical really...I feel like an avg looking guy should just appreciate an avg looking to to him woman if hes able to find it and stop shooting so high for an ultra good looking type...I think online guys figure they r looking thro an arsenal of women who all want them and thats far from the truth..The women r prolly even pickier..Online dating seems liek a decent place to meet people who r looking for a relationship but i imagine that alot of these guys especially r just looking for sex...And thats sad..Some people lack confidence to approach people n real life so they resort to online...But for me for the most part the only place to meet guys is at bars/clubs and oftentimes those guys rnt looking for anything serious so I would only to turn online bc of lack of quality guys nt he bars..Id just worry that too many online guys r just trying to get their dick wet just like the ones n bars..And some of the online ones could b even creepier bc they can pose as anyone...
shift_6x
06-04-2012, 11:47 AM
Can't force anyone to settle down with you regardless of how they look or how old they are.
Thats right.Just sucks when u really love the person want them to settle down and they want to have u and their freedom at the same time.
Kellydancer
06-04-2012, 11:57 AM
I havent tried online dating yet. Yea I do think its funny when an avg looking guy thinks he deserves a supermodel type gf..Its comical really...I feel like an avg looking guy should just appreciate an avg looking to to him woman if hes able to find it and stop shooting so high for an ultra good looking type...I think online guys figure they r looking thro an arsenal of women who all want them and thats far from the truth..The women r prolly even pickier..Online dating seems liek a decent place to meet people who r looking for a relationship but i imagine that alot of these guys especially r just looking for sex...And thats sad..Some people lack confidence to approach people n real life so they resort to online...But for me for the most part the only place to meet guys is at bars/clubs and oftentimes those guys rnt looking for anything serious so I would only to turn online bc of lack of quality guys nt he bars..Id just worry that too many online guys r just trying to get their dick wet just like the ones n bars..And some of the online ones could b even creepier bc they can pose as anyone...
It's really comical when I see these average to below average men wanting much hotter women then complaining because they can't get them. I have had obese men contact me and when I told them to lose weight before meeting they said "oh you should accept me as I am". Um, no I don't have to accept anyone, especially a man I haven't met yet. I've had much older men contact me and guys my age reject me because "oh I can get much younger". Yeah right, mr delusional. I would rather be alone than with these guys.
shift_6x
06-04-2012, 12:28 PM
^ I commend women and men for being picky and not settling. But I believe you shouldnt be too picky bc then ull end up alone for a long time..There is happy medium somewhere there.
Kellydancer
06-04-2012, 12:50 PM
I agree. I understand being picky but within reason. Hotter people can get hotter people but people who think they are hot don't have as many options. Same thing moneywise, etc. I refuse to settle on things I oppose but open to things not as important.
cherryblossomsinspring
06-04-2012, 01:17 PM
Little Doubt ..lets me honest , these cheating women are out there everywhere , and very very easy to Snag , they are at odds with their our sexuality ..and tell you stuff like " Your Not Going to F*ck me " ..this is code for " Why are you not trying harder " ..Everything a guy is told this , she wants a good Bang ..always always Married and Misunderstood ..lol ..lol .
And the question is why wont these guys commit ? Because they'd be Crazy to ..Why would they ? Women fight ( as much as they all will deny ) the constant biological clock , and man it statrs tick tock tick tock ..really quickly , though child bearing years and them into menopause , just prior to the onset of menopause or early menopause ..self doubt set upon around 80% who really just want to prove to themselves they are still a good bang ( temporarily ) .
Thats why Asia is so much better than the West , the West constantly trys to " Find answers " to " Create equality " ..its all complete BULLSHIT , as is the so called sexual revolution , the concept is completely F*cked , and simply DOES NOT work . Once we appreciate , without making ridiculous calls ..like " all women should be dikes " ..that men and women are actually different , then Harmony can be achieved .
But it never will be when we try and dance around Male inequality , Menstral cycles , Child birth , Raising Children and Menopause ..And you ask why this guys WONT commit ?? ..Because ..WHY WOULD THEY ????
I agree with women cheating. But the ones that are claiming "marriage and misunderstood" are men too. It was always men cheating on women it's just now women are starting to do the same.
Biological clock issues do happen to some women. I can't say that happens to all women. One of my ex's discussed that when dating how he came across older women that wanted babies . On the same token men have the "I'm going to die alone issue" because after they played the field for so long, they get to a point where they don't have the looks, the body or the hair and shitted on women through the years. Also they pissed through their finances to where they don't have much of anything left. These are the men you see hitting on everything that breathes. The desperation to find someone to want them in their crappiest state is saddening. Remember they played the field and didn't want to settle down once women stop looking at them or scowling at their come ons then that's when reality sets in. No one wants you and either they are going to have to pay for companionship, die alone or find someone to marry them .
Now on the comment on Asia being better than the west. For a man that has limited resources and limited looks and serious curves Asian countries are perfect. Who can really deal with being over looked or considered ugly to most people in their own country? So men like this generally go to Asian countries to get the attention they've always wanted. It's not surprising. I came across a few boards that went into detail what guys did to get free sex and room and board in those areas. Actually one guy was great. He said he gets an old Victoria's Secret bag, gets an old shampoo bottle and fills it up with .99 shampoo. Then he sits in the mall with the bag like a lure. He grabs the first girl he sees and asks her if she can help him locate his friend. The girl is now wanting that bag-O-shit herself so she tries to persuade him to give it to her. The guy ends up staying at her place rent free, getting sex all for what costed him .99. There are better stories but that's the one that stayed in my mind.
The only reason why I stumbled on these topics was because some guy was online talking about how he was planning a trip overseas . You know one of those guys that looks at your pictures and starts talking about meeting up and we should "hang out" but really you can tell the guy is just looking for a hole to stick his dick in. Then some how after months of chit chatting tells you his real age which is 20+more years and then goes into how he's not happy in his relationship. Yawn.... I was clueless so I didn't know why a guy would go to an Asian country to go surfing when he was in one of the best surf locations in the world "Hawaii". That's when I started looking it up and found a forum of middle to late aged men running scams before the women did the same to them.
All these men were really doing is using the Asian women's desire for the American dream. So yes they see American man and think "he's going to save me". Ohh and then the girls would ask to be taken out to dinner but the guys said "don't bring anyone, I'm not paying for your friends to eat". When we already know how cheap it is to eat in some of those countries.
cherryblossomsinspring
06-04-2012, 01:17 PM
To add to that last comment :
Basically what you're saying is no different than the man that goes to South America ,Eastern Europe and parts of Africa to find a woman. His looks and income don't do anything for him here so he needs to find someone that is not only subservient , accepting of a few dollars, but also will idolize the man's country. So UK, Canada, USA etc. These are all known to have a better way of living than where most of these women come from.
Now this isn't love at first sight for them. They are looking to improve their life just like the women here. They want opportunities that aren't in their own country and a guy seeking out these women specifically is just playing on their dreams. That game is not new and these women have been learning fast how to play the game as well. So yes you want to feel important to someone that has less than you, you're just doing it on a cheaper scale.
The only issues is that American women have had to survive without the man so to speak so she's much more independent. I agree women are not equal we are different but men back in the days of old men we're abusing their position. Those little daughters saw their fathers coming home drunk, fights about "who is the other woman" and so on. While mom was always home cooking and cleaning and sending them off to school. So these young girls grew up thinking I don't want to be treated like that and here we are today. The 40s-60s way of life seemed sweet but the sexuality of a woman ie "her pleasure" was not discussed or even a concern. It was make babies, keep the house clean and be a good wife. With all men had from women it still wasn't enough. So times change and now women don't want to have babies, they don't want to sit home and watch soaps all day. They want to do things. Also forgot to add the wars changed that too. Men went away and women had to learn how to survive without them. Men came back home and women were holding down their jobs. So is she now supposed to go back and put on an apron and get her nails painted after she's been trained to assemble missiles?
In this fucked economic time you'll probably see more women married to unattractive older men anyways. Why? because it's survival of the fittest and women outlive men. So he'll die off and she'll inherit his money. Doesn't sound all that different from past periods in history.
Kellydancer
06-04-2012, 01:28 PM
I have been seeing that comment a lot on dating sites where these guys say they are going to Asian countries. I have seen these guys and they are always the bottom of the barrel. Fat, ugly, poor personality and maybe some money but not usually rich.
cherryblossomsinspring
06-04-2012, 01:44 PM
A guy I met did this on dating sites. He would only date women in Brasil. Now these women are gorgeous so it made perfect sense. He was handsome making about 6 figures and we chatted all the time. Really well rounded guy ---or what I thought. He tried to hide that he had been married twice but I didn't care he was cute online eye candy and I wasn't looking to date at that point. Later on he told me about why he preferred women in these specific countries. They were basically the women of the 50s but hotter and more skin showing. Totally made sense.
One woman he met around New Years didn't pan out. It's funny because I had no clue what was wrong with him. Like he sounded perfect to me. He even seemed so nice and sweet but when I dug deeper he kept telling me he was shy and that he just didn't know how to approach women in person. Or women would turn him down. He even said women were stuck up where he lived . Still didn't understand he was hot and wealthy. Who would pass that guy up?
Then I met him and that's when it all came to light. I understood what his problem was. :
He was fucking fat! He lied about his 6 figure income and was renting a 2bdrm appt that costed $500 a month with a 15 year old car. I just invited him to a party and he flew in to hang out. He kept telling me he was afraid I wasn't going to like him and I said look you're coming out as a platonic friend, you already know I'm not looking to date , fuck or anything with anyone. Plus your pictures are up to date then right? So shouldn't be a problem.
I got it. You're not attractive even though from the old pictures on his profile he was once. He weighed an extra 150 lbs from his pics. Women in Brasil that he spoke with weren't concerned with his looks but the opportunities of what being in the US would bring for them. He got married to his 2nd wife and it sounded horrible for her. She knew nothing of the country , had no connection to her family and he didn't let her do anything without him. He also had some sexual fetish shit that he liked but didn't tell her about until after they were married. Basically she was a slave. When she tried to get away from him he tried to get her arrested and deported. Nice huh?
So sure the ugly loser will try to go to these countries to entrap some sweet woman but I'm pretty sure those women are not thinking this is apart of the American dream. So that game is old and it works for the select few that know how to play it. Think about how that woman felt when she realized she married an American loser. I mean the lies this guy told about his situation were funny. But I'm American so I can tell him to take a hike and keep it moving. A woman that has no connection to anything is really up a creek without a paddle.
Plus those women don't know the laws in our country , she doesn't even know her rights.
cherryblossomsinspring
06-04-2012, 01:51 PM
I have been seeing that comment a lot on dating sites where these guys say they are going to Asian countries. I have seen these guys and they are always the bottom of the barrel. Fat, ugly, poor personality and maybe some money but not usually rich.
Nope not rich at all. Guy said he made 250,000 a year as time wore on I knew that was bullshit but I didn't care because I wasn't interested. I just like the hot pics of him. Then we got into an argument and it got ugly. I had told him I wasn't interested and later that was even more evident but he kept pushing. So I just put all my honesty on the table and let him have it. He was like " aww you're so mean". WTF no you're on a site trying to find girls with fake ass old pics. Then you put up new pics that are just of your face and your shoulder. That's the oldest online picture game in the book. I remember the last time he spoke to me he said he found some new girl from Brasil and that she was going to be his 3rd wife. This was within a week of them talking. Wow 1 week and already talking marriage? Psychotic.
Kellydancer
06-04-2012, 01:55 PM
That is very sad, but yes have heard of many cases like this. Because women in this country have rights and yes many are independent. Women can even have babies on their own without a father. Many of these chauvinistic men hate it. They deep down hate women and hate them more and more but firmly believe certain things are womens work. So they prey on women from poor countries who are desperate to leave that country. Very sad for these women.
Kellydancer
06-04-2012, 01:59 PM
Nope not rich at all. Guy said he made 250,000 a year as time wore on I knew that was bullshit but I didn't care because I wasn't interested. I just like the hot pics of him. Then we got into an argument and it got ugly. I had told him I wasn't interested and later that was even more evident but he kept pushing. So I just put all my honesty on the table and let him have it. He was like " aww you're so mean". WTF no you're on a site trying to find girls with fake ass old pics. Then you put up new pics that are just of your face and your shoulder. That's the oldest online picture game in the book. I remember the last time he spoke to me he said he found some new girl from Brasil and that she was going to be his 3rd wife. This was within a week of them talking. Wow 1 week and already talking marriage? Psychotic.
I have run into men posting old photos. I post recent photos of myself but have caught so many posting 10-20 old photos. I have also had a few guys get clingy before meeting which sends creepy vibes.
shift_6x
06-04-2012, 11:46 PM
^I mean this in the best way possible..But as a woman how r we supposed to cope w getting older not that say 32 is older but getting older and realizing its harder to date etc..? Im not even old and Im feeling older...lol
Kellydancer
06-04-2012, 11:55 PM
I often ask myself that too. I mean if men are rejecting us for being too old does this mean we will be alone or that we have to settle? To be honest, I think most men become realistic and the ones who don't aren't ones we want anyway. My mom always likes to tell me it's my fault for not settling but I refuse to settle.
shift_6x
06-05-2012, 10:57 AM
I think my area sucks and Im not running n any circles with decent looking or decent men period..
shift_6x
06-05-2012, 11:01 AM
This area is overrun with military and as a group they really rnt the best to pick to be with...There are only rare exceptions who prove to be datable.
ShellyConnors
06-08-2012, 05:20 PM
I just read the most awesome book called "Marry Him" by Lori Gottlieb. It was so eye-opening. It basically says as women when we're younger we're in super high demand and guys throw themselves at us left and right. With that kind of attention it's easy to pass up perfectly good guys in favor of waiting for someone hotter, richer, with a better body, etc... to come along. But what happens is you pass up those perfectly good "average" guys who would have made stellar husbands while waiting for Mr. Brad Pitt. But when you 're in your 40's and Mr. Brad Pitt hasn't come along, all those guys you passed up have even better jobs than before, and are decent enough looking to date by your relaxed standards, but where are they? They're married to women who are your physical and social equals! I, for one, happen to feel that working in the sex industry compounds this problem.
For all women who know they are too hot, too rich, too educated, too sexy for an average guy (the book gives several examples of how we women are pretty much trained to think we are all hot commodities and "deserve" a man who is a 10), the book kind of says in the dating/mating world you are only as valuable as the men who are actively trying to court you on a serious level. If you don't have a flurry of 10's trying to put a ring on it, maybe you're not the 10 you thought you were?
It doesn't say that it's a good idea to "settle" in terms of dating someone you're not attracted to, or someone who would treat you bad, or someone who doesn't have a job, etc... but it emphasizes the value of really thinking about what few qualities/values are truly important in the long-run. Maybe a guy works hard and is nice, but he's somewhat socially awkward at parties and you hate that. But how many parties are you likely to be going to when you're married with children? And maybe there is a list of things that you may not like about a "good enough" guy, but what are the things that he will have to deal with if/when he commits to you? Do you suffer from social anxiety? Abandonment issues? Will he despise the way you chew raw carrots at the dinner table? Nobody is perfect. Pricing yourself too high in the dating market will leave you lonely because nobody will be willing to pay the price, and if you pass your prime, nobody will want to.
One woman was 41 and her husband was 42 and she said she was glad she married him when she did because she knows he wouldn't even give her a chance if they were both single, because he would still have access to women much younger and hotter. It's probably true.
And to the commitment issue, I think a guy knows early on if he really would ever commit to a lady, but women ignore the signs. That's why some women will date a man for years and years, trying to get him to marry her, etc... and she's shocked to find 6 months after the breakup he's married to someone else. It sounds shitty, but the men who fall all over you, who you ignore but they keep coming back... the ones who would move mountains to do anything for you at any given time WILL commit to you. But if you're rejecting those guys who would probably make stellar husbands once they "catch" you, in favor of chasing the more elusive 10's who aren't treating you like they really want you to begin with, you're probably disillusioning yourself into thinking you're on a pedestal you don't belong on because that 10 WILL do that for someone he is willing to commit to.
Lesson 1: Love only the men who love you.
Lesson 2: Get over yourself
(This wasn't directed at anybody in particular. It's just what I gathered from reading lately.)
Kellydancer
06-08-2012, 09:08 PM
I agree with a lot of that, except many men who are 1s and 2s or so try to get say 7s and think they can. Meanwhile they reject women who are say 5s thinking they can get 7s. Many men have a delusional idea that they can have any age, look etc no matter what they look like. Just look at the guys on dating sites who are obese, ugly, etc who only date hot women. Not likely.
Of course many men get overlooked but that is a fact of life, just like many women get overlooked. It stinks but yes many people need to get over their delusions. I have had many guys want to marry me, but at the time I didn't want marriage.
Speaking of commitment made me think of a few posters here who dated someone and got engaged or married pretty soon after. I have seen this pattern where a man will date a woman for years without an engagement, then she leaves (or he dumps her)and then he marries his next girlfriend within a few years or shorter. Why? because he knew in his heart the one wasn't the right one. Speaking to my mom about all of this and she tells me many stories of men who proposed within a few months of dating. What I will never get are the woman who buy houses, have children, or live with a guy for years without proposing. Sorry, but none of this will happen until we get married.
LaurenAus
06-08-2012, 09:42 PM
I'm in my 20's and probably at my peak blah blah blah, according to these shitty disheartening books that are telling me to settle, if I wait until I'm actually ready which won't be for another few years but by then I won't pull "guys that I want" then single it is. Otherwise why??? Just marry anyone so I can say I'm in a "relationship"?? I'd rather it be me and my cats than me and someone I have no iota of desire for. I'll probably just cheat on them anyway and vice versa. I've seen relationships like these both partners are clearly over it but won't do anything to change it. Studies show that guys need women more than the other way around anyway due to the emotional support women provide for them.
All Good Things
06-08-2012, 11:54 PM
^ Don't worry, the disheartening books are often produced by women writers projecting their own very narrow experiences and persistent neuroses onto every other woman on Earth.
For example, the full title of the Lori Gottlieb book mentioned above is actually: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough."
Any book that uses "settling" and "good enough" in the same title should cause any woman with a shred of self-respect to run fleeing from the room.
I remember when this book first came out and a ton of other women writers just tore it to shreds with glee. I actually read the book (I read everything -- about 20 or 30 books at a time, so I'm crazy in my own way) and found it just appallingly destructive and self-defeating for any woman to embrace. About the only interesting story in the book is the introductory chapter where she makes a point about how crazy picky woman are compared to men -- as though this is actually news.
I was suspicious about the writer's own experiences and whether some, uh, recent changes in her own life may have had an inordinate impact on the whole central thesis of the book. So I did a little digging into pictures of her going back 10 - 15 years or so in her public appearances.
I think you can see where this is going.
I'm not quite as adept as Kelly in using numbers to rank people's attractiveness, but in her early years, this woman was cute and attractive in that New-York-City-liberal-neurotic-Nora-Ephron sort of way. Certainly a seven or higher, maybe even an eight if you really like smart women.
She appears to have hit some sort of genetic wall of doom about two years before this book appeared, though, and I remember saying something like, "Holy crap, no wonder she wants to settle."
I felt really awful for her in many ways because I am quite certain she went from being chased by men in every area of her life to being completely invisible. And this of course was through no fault of her own.
Anyway, the book is sort of that crushing realization writ large.
I think the book plays off women's fears but instead of providing thoughtful insight or advice it flies off in the direction of the completely hysterical.
You should never "settle" for anything in life, and sure as hell not with your choice of life partner.
Davey17
06-09-2012, 04:18 AM
I just read the most awesome book called "Marry Him" by Lori Gottlieb. It was so eye-opening. It basically says as women when we're younger we're in super high demand and guys throw themselves at us left and right. With that kind of attention it's easy to pass up perfectly good guys in favor of waiting for someone hotter, richer, with a better body, etc... to come along. But what happens is you pass up those perfectly good "average" guys who would have made stellar husbands while waiting for Mr. Brad Pitt. But when you 're in your 40's and Mr. Brad Pitt hasn't come along, all those guys you passed up have even better jobs than before, and are decent enough looking to date by your relaxed standards, but where are they? They're married to women who are your physical and social equals! I, for one, happen to feel that working in the sex industry compounds this problem.
For all women who know they are too hot, too rich, too educated, too sexy for an average guy (the book gives several examples of how we women are pretty much trained to think we are all hot commodities and "deserve" a man who is a 10), the book kind of says in the dating/mating world you are only as valuable as the men who are actively trying to court you on a serious level. If you don't have a flurry of 10's trying to put a ring on it, maybe you're not the 10 you thought you were?
It doesn't say that it's a good idea to "settle" in terms of dating someone you're not attracted to, or someone who would treat you bad, or someone who doesn't have a job, etc... but it emphasizes the value of really thinking about what few qualities/values are truly important in the long-run. Maybe a guy works hard and is nice, but he's somewhat socially awkward at parties and you hate that. But how many parties are you likely to be going to when you're married with children? And maybe there is a list of things that you may not like about a "good enough" guy, but what are the things that he will have to deal with if/when he commits to you? Do you suffer from social anxiety? Abandonment issues? Will he despise the way you chew raw carrots at the dinner table? Nobody is perfect. Pricing yourself too high in the dating market will leave you lonely because nobody will be willing to pay the price, and if you pass your prime, nobody will want to.
One woman was 41 and her husband was 42 and she said she was glad she married him when she did because she knows he wouldn't even give her a chance if they were both single, because he would still have access to women much younger and hotter. It's probably true.
And to the commitment issue, I think a guy knows early on if he really would ever commit to a lady, but women ignore the signs. That's why some women will date a man for years and years, trying to get him to marry her, etc... and she's shocked to find 6 months after the breakup he's married to someone else. It sounds shitty, but the men who fall all over you, who you ignore but they keep coming back... the ones who would move mountains to do anything for you at any given time WILL commit to you. But if you're rejecting those guys who would probably make stellar husbands once they "catch" you, in favor of chasing the more elusive 10's who aren't treating you like they really want you to begin with, you're probably disillusioning yourself into thinking you're on a pedestal you don't belong on because that 10 WILL do that for someone he is willing to commit to.
Lesson 1: Love only the men who love you.
Lesson 2: Get over yourself
(This wasn't directed at anybody in particular. It's just what I gathered from reading lately.)
This pretty much sums up the Situation .
Plus what is considered " Hot " in your 20 s , wont even be a remote issue when you are 40 . It all comes back to reproduction ..Like it or not , and what seems like a HUGE window when you are young narrows to a Very Very Very small opportunity , especially when you throw in a few Curve balls that are pretty much certain to present themselves . Im not so sure its an easy as trying to give looks ratings between 1 - 10 .
The important issues with regard to this are ..In ( at least ) decent physical shape , Able to take care of themselves , Good provider , Financial competance , Intelligence , Able to present , Ability to communicate at all levels , Street smart ability , these are the core values . So called " Hot " will mean " Jack " when it comes down to it , the other issues will soon make Him " Hot " , and thats really all that matters .
You cant push an individual into commitment ..statements like " We need to talk about our situation " " We need to discuss US " , you will scare him off every time . Part of the reason there are so many Soft Cock Wimps out there these days is unfortunately because of the womens movement and sexual revolution , when your man makes a decision , he will let you know , but dont try and FORCE the issue . Ive seen it time and time again ( particularly with some dancers ) and the absolute DHeads they set themselves up with , well I put down to self belief issues ..I mean some of these guys are beyond belief ..and it happens time and time again and again and again .
Its really a case of understanding the ACTUAL timing issues , and really not passing up the best opportunities with the " RUBBISH " ones that so many do seem to try . If you have any doubt about the book , think about the so called HOT movie stars , and Musicans , or the HOT kid at school ..Let me promise you one thing ..HOT changes , constantly , and what WAS hot , quite quickly becomes NOT .
Now with regard to Exoctic dancing as a career , as stated ..Does this throw in a more difficult element to the Equation ..YES .. of course it does , and you know it does ..But thats Par for the Course ! Its like the Cam girl who was upset when her Boyfriend didn't Share her Joy over the purchase of the " Worlds best New Cam camera " ..lol lol ..Hello ?? If you had a Dude , jumping for joy over the Camera ..What kind of dude do you actually have ??? lol . But we stare down the situation and work though it ..You dont want some idiot sitting on his ARSE while you might be dancing 6 or 7 Nights a week , In very difficult shoes ! Yet I bet we all know someone who is married to , or goes out with a no hoper like this ..Its a fact of time . The main point is , its far from impossible .
Far too often someone lets go the person that actually Loves them ..really Loves them ..only to find out many years later , that they made a mistake ..and know it too late . Look to the Core values that I mentioned , if those boxes are ticked , this commitment we all speak of ..May just have been there all along .
I agree with a lot of that, except many men who are 1s and 2s or so try to get say 7s and think they can. Meanwhile they reject women who are say 5s thinking they can get 7s. Many men have a delusional idea that they can have any age, look etc no matter what they look like. Just look at the guys on dating sites who are obese, ugly, etc who only date hot women. Not likely.
I don't understand why you keep saying stuff like this when you are in fact a very attractive woman who has dated some of those fat losers you keep saying would have no chance with attractive women.
LaurenAus
06-09-2012, 08:08 AM
All good things you rock!!!
Kellydancer
06-09-2012, 07:51 PM
^ Don't worry, the disheartening books are often produced by women writers projecting their own very narrow experiences and persistent neuroses onto every other woman on Earth.
For example, the full title of the Lori Gottlieb book mentioned above is actually: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough."
Any book that uses "settling" and "good enough" in the same title should cause any woman with a shred of self-respect to run fleeing from the room.
I remember when this book first came out and a ton of other women writers just tore it to shreds with glee. I actually read the book (I read everything -- about 20 or 30 books at a time, so I'm crazy in my own way) and found it just appallingly destructive and self-defeating for any woman to embrace. About the only interesting story in the book is the introductory chapter where she makes a point about how crazy picky woman are compared to men -- as though this is actually news.
I was suspicious about the writer's own experiences and whether some, uh, recent changes in her own life may have had an inordinate impact on the whole central thesis of the book. So I did a little digging into pictures of her going back 10 - 15 years or so in her public appearances.
I think you can see where this is going.
I'm not quite as adept as Kelly in using numbers to rank people's attractiveness, but in her early years, this woman was cute and attractive in that New-York-City-liberal-neurotic-Nora-Ephron sort of way. Certainly a seven or higher, maybe even an eight if you really like smart women.
She appears to have hit some sort of genetic wall of doom about two years before this book appeared, though, and I remember saying something like, "Holy crap, no wonder she wants to settle."
I felt really awful for her in many ways because I am quite certain she went from being chased by men in every area of her life to being completely invisible. And this of course was through no fault of her own.
Anyway, the book is sort of that crushing realization writ large.
I think the book plays off women's fears but instead of providing thoughtful insight or advice it flies off in the direction of the completely hysterical.
You should never "settle" for anything in life, and sure as hell not with your choice of life partner.
Isn't she the one who had a baby via sperm donor too? I remember reading about one of these women and how she had a baby like that because she was afraid of never having kids. I will say this and that is I am finding far more needy men than ever before and I think men and women are scared they will not marry.
I suppose I am blessed because I still get approached by guys and so does my 64 year old mom. I was blessed to hit the genetic lottery with two extremely good looking parents who are still attractive and yes my dad even gets hit on by women all the time. My grandparents until they hit their mid 80s and started failing were also blessed with great genes.
Kellydancer
06-09-2012, 07:53 PM
I don't understand why you keep saying stuff like this when you are in fact a very attractive woman who has dated some of those fat losers you keep saying would have no chance with attractive women.
I dated one fat loser, and only because he claimed he had money. After he proved to be a loser I dumped him and I now have a no fatsos rule.
shift_6x
06-11-2012, 05:06 PM
I just read the most awesome book called "Marry Him" by Lori Gottlieb. It was so eye-opening. It basically says as women when we're younger we're in super high demand and guys throw themselves at us left and right. With that kind of attention it's easy to pass up perfectly good guys in favor of waiting for someone hotter, richer, with a better body, etc... to come along. But what happens is you pass up those perfectly good "average" guys who would have made stellar husbands while waiting for Mr. Brad Pitt. But when you 're in your 40's and Mr. Brad Pitt hasn't come along, all those guys you passed up have even better jobs than before, and are decent enough looking to date by your relaxed standards, but where are they? They're married to women who are your physical and social equals! I, for one, happen to feel that working in the sex industry compounds this problem.
For all women who know they are too hot, too rich, too educated, too sexy for an average guy (the book gives several examples of how we women are pretty much trained to think we are all hot commodities and "deserve" a man who is a 10), the book kind of says in the dating/mating world you are only as valuable as the men who are actively trying to court you on a serious level. If you don't have a flurry of 10's trying to put a ring on it, maybe you're not the 10 you thought you were?
It doesn't say that it's a good idea to "settle" in terms of dating someone you're not attracted to, or someone who would treat you bad, or someone who doesn't have a job, etc... but it emphasizes the value of really thinking about what few qualities/values are truly important in the long-run. Maybe a guy works hard and is nice, but he's somewhat socially awkward at parties and you hate that. But how many parties are you likely to be going to when you're married with children? And maybe there is a list of things that you may not like about a "good enough" guy, but what are the things that he will have to deal with if/when he commits to you? Do you suffer from social anxiety? Abandonment issues? Will he despise the way you chew raw carrots at the dinner table? Nobody is perfect. Pricing yourself too high in the dating market will leave you lonely because nobody will be willing to pay the price, and if you pass your prime, nobody will want to.
One woman was 41 and her husband was 42 and she said she was glad she married him when she did because she knows he wouldn't even give her a chance if they were both single, because he would still have access to women much younger and hotter. It's probably true.
And to the commitment issue, I think a guy knows early on if he really would ever commit to a lady, but women ignore the signs. That's why some women will date a man for years and years, trying to get him to marry her, etc... and she's shocked to find 6 months after the breakup he's married to someone else. It sounds shitty, but the men who fall all over you, who you ignore but they keep coming back... the ones who would move mountains to do anything for you at any given time WILL commit to you. But if you're rejecting those guys who would probably make stellar husbands once they "catch" you, in favor of chasing the more elusive 10's who aren't treating you like they really want you to begin with, you're probably disillusioning yourself into thinking you're on a pedestal you don't belong on because that 10 WILL do that for someone he is willing to commit to.
Lesson 1: Love only the men who love you.
Lesson 2: Get over yourself
(This wasn't directed at anybody in particular. It's just what I gathered from reading lately.)
This was the best post on this whole damn thread..i appreciate everyone's help here but I need to take note of many things that u have said..i need to get off my pedestal!
Kellydancer
06-11-2012, 07:43 PM
I'm going to look at that book because I have a feeling I know what it means. I think attractive women who are way prettier than the average woman (this would be women here, let's be honest)get this feeling like only dating hot guys. I see it often in the various "what do you look for in a mate" threads. Some do find especially hot men but not all women do because there are more hot women than hot men.
There is a guy now I am interested in who I never would have been interested in many years ago. He's not cute and has issues that in the past would have been elimination off the bat (he's short for example). I don't know at this point if I am interested because he seems interesting or because I feel desperate but we'll see if he asks me out. I have thought of all the men I chased in my 20s who never were interested and it makes me sad I wasted that time.