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patternrecognition
03-24-2018, 04:03 PM
hi everybody, potential newbie here and i would love to see this thread revived, this is exactly the information i was hoping to find.

i have bipolar ii (because it sounds better than bpd and they stop listening to you if they think you have that) with fairly rapid cycling. a friend was talking about pursuing findom and i happened to be in a manic phase, got super excited, and did a ton of research. i was fortunately able to restrict my activity to research. i have done a lot of that in the past several days.
what's going on now is i want to wait out another mood cycle or 2 to make sure i want to do this during at least most of my various states.
i know this is the tail end of the mania but i am feeling REALLY impatient to jump into this. i do feel like i am well suited to camming- i am definitely part of the late-early internet generation that grew up semi exposed, i have done "artistic" pseudo fetishy modeling, i am in a unique position where i have no concerns about my friends and family, and because of the anxiety and also just how i am, i am unlikely to ever pursue a truly vanilla career. i am also already reclusive. i also feel like men don't behave any different in the rest of the internet and i might as well get paid if im going to get heckled for existing anyway. i unexpectedly have a lump of money and can both afford the gear AND set kind of a lot (for a broke bitch) aside in savings. i want to travel: i can do this, save enough to travel comfortably without the couch surfing i am accustomed to :spin::spin:

this potential for independence and stability (insofar as that's a thing) is basically the opposite of my usual situation. i really really want to take advantage of the opportunity before the funds get sucked up by daily life and emergencies.

i am also a weird combination of punchy and extra fragile due to a series of Bad Fucking Things towards the end of last year. i can see this working both to my advantage and disadvantage, but mostly i can't help but see this as a step towards autonomy which is not my strong suit.

i usually jump into things like this when i finally decide on them. my gut is definitely telling me to get on this but my therapist is definitely telling me to be patient.

also i saw a lot of sites mentioned here with business models im not aware of. i will search through the sites list for more info but it would also be cool to have a list of anxiety-friendly sites.

thanks in advance/sorry for the necro xoxoxo

ps im also coming out of a LONG retail career and i don't want coworkers and i don't want to deal with people to their face lol. still good at sales. understand the importance of accounting, etc.

pps after making all that effort to find the right place to put this i found the thread for jump into it or no, sorry. it is definitely tied to my mental health tho, so i hope this is ok.

JaneBurgess
03-24-2018, 06:54 PM
I posted in here in 2013 and I am doing so much better since than. I found Ativan and therapy to be a huge help and now I can go out and be just fine. Anxiety is a total bitch

patternrecognition
03-24-2018, 07:19 PM
ahhh that makes me so happy, congrats! ok, i am glad i dug this thread up.

the other thing is i also actually haven't told my therapist that i am looking into this because mania and all. i *think* the justifications ive come up with could satisfy her and i know she won't be judgy, just skeptical, and prob rightly so. so yeah. i don't want to overthink it for nothing but i also want to be able to assure the ppl around me that it isn't going to make things more difficult for everybody, since im not hiding from the immediate friends and family i think they deserve the same consideration that a SO would that it's not going to make me more awful to be around than i already am ;)

JenniferNorth
03-24-2018, 10:20 PM
I posted in here in 2013 and I am doing so much better since than.

Jane, you are kick ass. I was camming back then and I remember you discussing it (my Grandma had the same anxiety issues so that's why it sticks out for me). Congrats on coming so far!

JadeRiver
03-25-2018, 01:09 PM
Hi, PatternRecognition, and hello to the rest of you incredible women of SW. I have yet to start camming. Tomorrow or Tuesday is the day. I've been preparing, albeit slowly, for about a week and a half. I cammed a handful of times about four years ago, but was not at all in the position at that time to make it work for me. I have Bipolar II, PTSD, PMDD, Generalized Anxiety, and a couple of physical ailments I deal with that hinder me from getting and keeping a regular job. I've always been interested in sex work, and feel like camming gives me an outlet for sexual expression, creativity, socialization, and learning new skills. It also will help me support myself financially, has potential for building long-term passive income, and is empowering. I feel challenged, but excited because if I put in the effort, despite my mental health challenges, I will succeed. Others do it, every day. I've read numerous ladies here say it.

I manage my mental health with cannabis. I was taking the minimum dose of Prozac, but stopped taking it because I found out I was pregnant. I had a miscarriage, but have not resumed the Prozac because now we are trying to have a baby again. Just as the other women on this thread, I know diet, exercise, sleep, and other self-care make a huge impact on my mental health. This has not been so great in a really long time. But, every time I have had a job where my appearance and personality mattered in how much I made and how much I enjoyed my job, it pushed me to really treat my self like the valuable person that I am.

I will heavily rely on all of you here on SW and all of the invaluable ladies who have come before. This place is like an infinite book of interesting, valuable, and entertaining information. I don't know if I would think camming was even an option for me if y'all (Oh yeah, from the South, but I had a Northern Mama) had not given so much of yourselves and relied on each other so much. Thank you buttons will be pushed.

Tigrillo
03-25-2018, 03:43 PM
I am just formally re-starting treatment for dysthemia and anxiety and also starting therapy on Monday. Anxiety has definitely prevented me from developing more in camming like I should and wanted to, I'm too scared/scattered/anxious to do so many things I intended to do and that would improve my income: goldshows, photosets, video clips, indie work.....sometimes I think I suck as a camgirl but I still make my goals as long as I put in the hours, which becomes harder and harder when I'm specially depressed/anxious, so I get frustrated and more stressed/anxious. Sometimes it's really hard but as long as I push through and do the hours, money goals are met.

all of the above just to say I'm on this same wagon and trying hard. I'm nervous about how I'll keep from talking about work in therapy, but I don't think I'll be disclosing it for now. I'll just say I work in sales and my income depends greatly on my good looks and disposition, so sometimes getting myself where I need to be to work is so difficult.

good luck to everyone and let's keep working on bettering ourselves. :)

Teddy_Bear
03-25-2018, 07:39 PM
This thread gives me hope that I am not the only one who suffers from crippling social anxiety and depressive episodes in general but particularly revolved around camming. I can and have been known to stare at the 'start show' button on all my sites for over 4 hours procrastinating about is it worth it, am a wasting valuable time that could be spent doing something else if it's quiet, what if I've forgotten how to cam while I'm asleep etc. etc.

It's soul-destroying when I am not 'on point' to cam and I waste days (sometimes weeks) tossing all these questions around in my head so that when I do eventually log on I'm a nervous wreck, thankfully I hide it well or I wouldn't earn a carrot. All that time spent wondering I could be camming for the same amount of time and earning $$$ it's so frustrating!

Scorpio Girl
03-27-2018, 02:51 AM
Not sure where to post this, but this seemed as good a place as any since I do have anxiety. So, tonight was the first time in a year and a half of camming that I let a troll get to me. He asked to see my feet in free chat and I told him he would need to tip. Then, he says that I look like a man's face on a woman's body. So, when I was like 12, I had my hair in a ponytail and I was out eating with my mom and this waitress thought I was a boy. I don't know why, but this has bothered me for forever now. I rarely put my hair up anymore. So, when this asshole said this, it just really set me off. I managed to hold it together on cam, but I've been crying now for the past half hour. Trying to get it back together to get back on camera. I mean right after this another dude took me private and one of my regulars was in the room at the time and was like he's just a stupid bitch trying to get shit for free. I hate this! It's stupid. I know he was just pissed because I wouldn't give him what he wanted, but he just hit a sore spot and I know I totally don't look like a dude, but still....

minniesoporno
03-27-2018, 08:35 AM
Been on seroquel for over 7 years now. at first taking it was pretty much a last hope answer. I was facing eviction then I was in and out of treatments. then when my home situation became secure again I pretty much went into being numb. but i didn't notice it because I live alone and I am typically a quiet person. so there was no need to change much of how I was doing things since I was getting my rent paid and I had the cats at the time to keep me busy.

Now I am realized how the side effects are effecting me, I plan on getting cosmetic surgery since I gain huge volume in my breast then I lost them, by not eating 3 meals everyday I've lost about 10lbs so now I just see some stubborn fat and deflated breast. Hard part is my current romantic relationship obviously doesn't see anything wrong with how I look , so I can't even bring up the idea that I plan on getting surgery, I pretty much have to spring it on him and hope for the best in recovery.

I basically went through having a body that looked like it was pregnant but never actually pregnant it upsets me a lot. Now seroquel is great on suicide thoughts are completely gone, my mind actually spends a great deal looking for things wrong and can't find an answer so then I go into a numb state. sometimes hard to get myself in a productive motivated state unless I try and bring myself into future planning thinking. Plus to add to it I had my fallopian tubes removed last year and now that my life is childfree and pet free. I sometimes feel like I have nothing to do.

my life now is pretty much reduced to taking my pills daily, and having all the free time in the world to do I have no idea. sitting on webcam all day even with the potential money it brings, I just feel more zombie like which is why I am pushing myself more to do more affiliate marketing with company that host events where I have to travel out of country to be at. Not much exciting ones are in my city.

It was easy when my life was in crisis and I thought I was going to die all the time, but now that everything is at a "normal" state is scares me more. because I have no idea how to live happy. I've thought about going off my meds but the idea of what that looks like logically is not worth doing. So I am in a search of something else that bring me back where sometimes feels like I am in a hyperactive state similar to mania.

Basically its like I hunt for mania triggers so I don't feel like a zombie because seroquel keeps you a steady level of sedation all the time. and you spend all your time fighting sedation or eating all the time.

AlyssaJane
03-27-2018, 11:45 AM
This thread was revived just in time. It really helps knowing other people are going through the same thing. I have been working on my mental health and trying to recover from a situation I went through that affected me more than I realized. I definitely can be my own worst enemy when my anxiety takes over and my energy level takes a nosedive. I have found a treatment facility in my area that specializes in therapy for sex workers, and I really want to get into that, it's just the money right now. I see the potential for being in the financial place I want and I get in my own way when I let my mental health hold me back. I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, it really helps to know I am not alone. Camming can be so isolating and I forget it's a big world out there outside my little apartment.

JaneBurgess
03-27-2018, 02:59 PM
Jane, you are kick ass. I was camming back then and I remember you discussing it (my Grandma had the same anxiety issues so that's why it sticks out for me). Congrats on coming so far!

Thank you, it was a long process. I always talk about it because so many people suffer in silence and they shouldnt. They also need to know there is hope and that things can get better.

JaneBurgess
03-27-2018, 03:03 PM
Been on seroquel for over 7 years now. at first taking it was pretty much a last hope answer. I was facing eviction then I was in and out of treatments. then when my home situation became secure again I pretty much went into being numb. but i didn't notice it because I live alone and I am typically a quiet person. so there was no need to change much of how I was doing things since I was getting my rent paid and I had the cats at the time to keep me busy.

Now I am realized how the side effects are effecting me, I plan on getting cosmetic surgery since I gain huge volume in my breast then I lost them, by not eating 3 meals everyday I've lost about 10lbs so now I just see some stubborn fat and deflated breast. Hard part is my current romantic relationship obviously doesn't see anything wrong with how I look , so I can't even bring up the idea that I plan on getting surgery, I pretty much have to spring it on him and hope for the best in recovery.

I basically went through having a body that looked like it was pregnant but never actually pregnant it upsets me a lot. Now seroquel is great on suicide thoughts are completely gone, my mind actually spends a great deal looking for things wrong and can't find an answer so then I go into a numb state. sometimes hard to get myself in a productive motivated state unless I try and bring myself into future planning thinking. Plus to add to it I had my fallopian tubes removed last year and now that my life is childfree and pet free. I sometimes feel like I have nothing to do.

my life now is pretty much reduced to taking my pills daily, and having all the free time in the world to do I have no idea. sitting on webcam all day even with the potential money it brings, I just feel more zombie like which is why I am pushing myself more to do more affiliate marketing with company that host events where I have to travel out of country to be at. Not much exciting ones are in my city.

It was easy when my life was in crisis and I thought I was going to die all the time, but now that everything is at a "normal" state is scares me more. because I have no idea how to live happy. I've thought about going off my meds but the idea of what that looks like logically is not worth doing. So I am in a search of something else that bring me back where sometimes feels like I am in a hyperactive state similar to mania.

Basically its like I hunt for mania triggers so I don't feel like a zombie because seroquel keeps you a steady level of sedation all the time. and you spend all your time fighting sedation or eating all the time.


Are you in therapy? Medication alone wont help if you are searching for triggers and looking for things to be wrong. You will always find them if you allow your mind to search for. Look into CBT and see if you think it might help you

patternrecognition
03-27-2018, 04:22 PM
Are you in therapy? Medication alone wont help if you are searching for triggers and looking for things to be wrong. You will always find them if you allow your mind to search for. Look into CBT and see if you think it might help you

mania triggers are a little different from trauma triggers. i definitely rely on my upswing/hypomanic states to get things done or even to enjoy things at all sometimes. it's a lifelong balancing act to not then overdo it and burn out, which just feeds the cycle. and manic/low manic states can at best be roughly guided, it's hard to consistently steer them towards productivity instead of just aimless nerves and they can potentially launch u into full blown mania. they're scary-fun lol

im preaching therapy left and right atm since it literally saved my life late last year. im using betterhelp.com until my clinic can get its shit together and give me a doctor. it's not perfect but im here so it works and it's like 45 bucks a week so def more affordable than an office. there's other sites as well, i don't remember what they are.

minniesoporno
03-28-2018, 08:14 AM
Are you in therapy? Medication alone wont help if you are searching for triggers and looking for things to be wrong. You will always find them if you allow your mind to search for. Look into CBT and see if you think it might help you

I am in therapy I just don't go into every detail of what treatments I've done over the years.

it's this searching for my new identity because I am in "recovery" and my mood is stable.

JaneBurgess
03-28-2018, 04:51 PM
mania triggers are a little different from trauma triggers. i definitely rely on my upswing/hypomanic states to get things done or even to enjoy things at all sometimes. it's a lifelong balancing act to not then overdo it and burn out, which just feeds the cycle. and manic/low manic states can at best be roughly guided, it's hard to consistently steer them towards productivity instead of just aimless nerves and they can potentially launch u into full blown mania. they're scary-fun lol

im preaching therapy left and right atm since it literally saved my life late last year. im using betterhelp.com until my clinic can get its shit together and give me a doctor. it's not perfect but im here so it works and it's like 45 bucks a week so def more affordable than an office. there's other sites as well, i don't remember what they are.

I always encourage therapy since it helped me way more than meds ever did. Its easy to find a therapist here but psychs are are so hard to find if you need one.

JaneBurgess
03-28-2018, 04:52 PM
I am in therapy I just don't go into every detail of what treatments I've done over the years.

it's this searching for my new identity because I am in "recovery" and my mood is stable.

Im glad that youre doing better Minnie, thats really great to hear

minniesoporno
03-28-2018, 05:37 PM
Im glad that youre doing better Minnie, thats really great to hear

Yes They are better

I am just understanding that the way my bipolar disorder operates with my personality that I need a certain level of spontaneous excitement. The thing that is happening now is trying to figure out what that healthy balance is.

No one really prepares you for that when you are in a mental health crisis. it's not like I am in a 12-step program so there isn't any type of support group for mental health recovery people.

If I had an addiction problem they would be able to guide me in the recovery life after process but not so much for you were in a psych hospital, your medication is working now go live your life.

Tigrillo
04-03-2018, 01:55 PM
today is being a pretty tough day for me. I feel miserable today. I don't know if it even counts as a panic/anxiety attack because it's not coming from nowhere, yesterday I found out some unsavory news that I'm fucking angry about and I don't know how to deal with. In the meantime, I haven't been able to stay on cam for more than 10 minutes at the time because I have to quit and take some deep breaths and/or curl up on my couch and thoroughly freak out for a few minutes. I'm just not dealing well.

feelings, what do I want them for. I need to be able to *work*.

Violethollywood
05-16-2020, 07:54 PM
Anyone on prozac/fluxoteine here? I just got precribed it for my anxiety and i haven't started it yet i dont want to but i gotbpretty bad anxiety lately i think due to covid and all that shit going on

moneybags
05-16-2020, 09:23 PM
Anyone on prozac/fluxoteine here? I just got precribed it for my anxiety and i haven't started it yet i dont want to but i gotbpretty bad anxiety lately i think due to covid and all that shit going on


I already had anxiety and mostly meditated, exercised, and journaled and it kept my anxiety in check. With Covid-19 my anxiety has been out of control. I reached out to pineapple support to find with a sex worker friendly therapist. Hopefully i can get it under control. Meds are a last resort for me since I have an addictive personality.

Right now my plan Is to make a schedule and make myself stick to it because i can’t wait for my anxiety to go away. I just have to do as much self-care as possible.

Once we start learning more about Covid-19 and adapt to the new normal I think it’ll be easier to cope with it-for me anyways.

Take care of yourself and just do whatever you think you need to cope.