View Full Version : Boyfriend Anti-Stripping
jack0177057
01-23-2013, 09:56 AM
Be forewarned - guy's opinion:
I disagree that 2 months is too soon, I've known many people that knew they would end up married after just 2 months. I also disagree that being opposed to stripping is "micro-managing". I understand that most women here are dancers, and therefore, it is quite natural for you to see it as no big deal, "just a job",... but to most people outside the biz, IT IS A BIG DEAL. It is not like him picking your college courses or selecting which corporation you should apply to for work.
I do not say this to offend anyone, but I just want to point out what many people here seem to miss: The idea of my GF taking of her clothes off and grinding on a complete stranger, with her breast smacking his face, and with only thin layers of clothing between his erect penis and my GF's ass and veejay - this would be a BIG FUCKING DEAL TO ME! Its called "dry humping". Most guys with modicum of self-respect would find this repulsive.
I am not saying that IT IS repulsive, I am saying that most guys would find it repulsive that his GF is doing this to other guys. (And most women would be repulsed to see their BF stripping and grinding on other women.)
I do not know whether or not this helps, but imagine your BF doing this for a living - removing his clothes and rubbing his body on horny older women who paw him as much as they can. Would you mind?
Exceptions:
If a guy meets a dancer at a SC, and they date, and he asks her to quit after 2 months. - I'd have to take the woman's side on that one.
If a guy meets a girl, and she discloses imediately that she is dancer, and they date, and he asks her to quit after 2 months. - I'd have to take the woman's side on that one, too.
MediMax
01-23-2013, 10:25 AM
"Jessica, your posts are always so full of drama. You get out of one toxic situation, only to waltz into the next, make a thread about it, get girls telling you "hey this is bad news," and then you half-heartedly agree with them, but never make real changes"...WTF Jessica Are you just enjoying blogging all this drama here where people try to give you advice or do you actually listen to the situation? The key word in the above is "change". I have always heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over the same way and expecting things to "change". Perhaps the problem here is not the 2-month boyfriend but perhaps Jessica is the issue. Sometimes life requires changes if we want more!
MediMax
01-23-2013, 10:48 AM
Great review of what goes on with people involved in the double standards that are created in the stripper world. Your descriptions are right on! It is however one of the complexities of M/F acceptances of this curious sex industry that empowers women while satisfying the fragile love needs of men!
JessicaCM
01-23-2013, 11:04 AM
So he was like I hope you were telling the truth about last night. Didn't bother responding. I don't need the interrogation. I said what I said, besides I am kinda over the whole dancing since I'm almost done school. Besides, I don't care and just wanted to make some extra money which I'm seeing is going to be impossble to do dating him since he will call and call if nothing more than for concern. Grunts.
Thanks for all the different viewpoints.
Smurfette
01-23-2013, 11:22 AM
Be forewarned - guy's opinion:
I disagree that 2 months is too soon, I've known many people that knew they would end up married after just 2 months. I also disagree that being opposed to stripping is "micro-managing". I understand that most women here are dancers, and therefore, it is quite natural for you to see it as no big deal, "just a job",... but to most people outside the biz, IT IS A BIG DEAL. It is not like him picking your college courses or selecting which corporation you should apply to for work.
I do not say this to offend anyone, but I just want to point out what many people here seem to miss: The idea of my GF taking of her clothes off and grinding on a complete stranger, with her breast smacking his face, and with only thin layers of clothing between his erect penis and my GF's ass and veejay - this would be a BIG FUCKING DEAL TO ME! Its called "dry humping". Most guys with modicum of self-respect would find this repulsive.
I am not saying that IT IS repulsive, I am saying that most guys would find it repulsive that his GF is doing this to other guys. (And most women would be repulsed to see their BF stripping and grinding on other women.)
I do not know whether or not this helps, but imagine your BF doing this for a living - removing his clothes and rubbing his body on horny older women who paw him as much as they can. Would you mind?
Exceptions:
If a guy meets a dancer at a SC, and they date, and he asks her to quit after 2 months. - I'd have to take the woman's side on that one.
If a guy meets a girl, and she discloses imediately that she is dancer, and they date, and he asks her to quit after 2 months. - I'd have to take the woman's side on that one, too.
I completely understand why a guy wouldn't be comfortable with it... I definitely wouldn't want my husband grinding up against other women. And I wouldn't feel right stripping while married to him. I AM a camgirl but we both view that differently... I'm just providing a visual image on a screen, I'm not actually face-to-face interacting with real live people.
Yes, SOME people know they want to get married after 2 months. Hell, my dad married a woman after knowing her for like, 2 weeks. It's been a couple years now and they seem to be pretty happy. But these cases are the exception, not the rule. The VAST MAJORITY of people need much, much longer than 2 months. I wouldn't ever think about marrying anyone, or moving in together, or making huge life changes for someone after only 2 months, even if I felt like I was completely head over heels in love. As Roast mentioned earlier, love in the honeymoon stage is a helluva drug. I don't trust the chemicals and endorphins in my brain to make rational life decisions.
The problem outlined in this thread isn't JUST this guy's opposition to stripping. He wants her to completely rely on him for everything, financially and otherwise. He says he'll give her money, but those promises come with ultimatums, and she's made to feel guilty for asking. Plus he won't give her as much money as she needs. He tells her which jobs are okay for her to have and which aren't (can't be a bartender!). He tells her that she's not allowed to have friends! He won't allow her to take a train in the winter because it's cold and he's "worried" despite the fact that she's a grown ass woman. But then he complains when he gives her a ride in his car....
There are SO MANY red flags here. It's not just about stripping.
JessicaCM
01-23-2013, 11:30 AM
I completely understand why a guy wouldn't be comfortable with it... I definitely wouldn't want my husband grinding up against other women. And I wouldn't feel right stripping while married to him. I AM a camgirl but we both view that differently... I'm just providing a visual image on a screen, I'm not actually face-to-face interacting with real live people.
Yes, SOME people know they want to get married after 2 months. Hell, my dad married a woman after knowing her for like, 2 weeks. It's been a couple years now and they seem to be pretty happy. But these cases are the exception, not the rule. The VAST MAJORITY of people need much, much longer than 2 months. I wouldn't ever think about marrying anyone, or moving in together, or making huge life changes for someone after only 2 months, even if I felt like I was completely head over heels in love. As Roast mentioned earlier, love in the honeymoon stage is a helluva drug. I don't trust the chemicals and endorphins in my brain to make rational life decisions.
The problem outlined in this thread isn't JUST this guy's opposition to stripping. He wants her to completely rely on him for everything, financially and otherwise. He says he'll give her money, but those promises come with ultimatums, and she's made to feel guilty for asking. Plus he won't give her as much money as she needs. He tells her which jobs are okay for her to have and which aren't (can't be a bartender!). He tells her that she's not allowed to have friends! He won't allow her to take a train in the winter because it's cold and he's "worried" despite the fact that she's a grown ass woman. But then he complains when he gives her a ride in his car....
There are SO MANY red flags here. It's not just about stripping.
Yeah I don't feel right asking a man for like 2 or 3 hundred dollars you know. I'll just keep job hunting and not club hopping.
Aurora14
01-23-2013, 11:51 AM
Be forewarned - guy's opinion:
I disagree that 2 months is too soon, I've known many people that knew they would end up married after just 2 months. I also disagree that being opposed to stripping is "micro-managing". I understand that most women here are dancers, and therefore, it is quite natural for you to see it as no big deal, "just a job",... but to most people outside the biz, IT IS A BIG DEAL. It is not like him picking your college courses or selecting which corporation you should apply to for work.
I do not say this to offend anyone, but I just want to point out what many people here seem to miss: The idea of my GF taking of her clothes off and grinding on a complete stranger, with her breast smacking his face, and with only thin layers of clothing between his erect penis and my GF's ass and veejay - this would be a BIG FUCKING DEAL TO ME! Its called "dry humping". Most guys with modicum of self-respect would find this repulsive.
Most all of us realize that in the non-sex world it isn't as widely accepted. Most of us don't go running around announcing to the world that we are dancers. It just makes our romantic lives a lot easier to find that guy who IS accepting of our current or past job. There are enough people out there who judge us. And IF you are one of the "guys with modicum of self-respect who would find this repulsive" you can go ahead and not be with a dancer. It's your choice. There are plenty of us on here who can find men/women CONFIDENT enough in the relationship and bond we share to marry or be in long term relationships with us regardless of what profession we are or have been in. Those are the ones we want.
Exceptions:
If a guy meets a dancer at a SC, and they date, and he asks her to quit after 2 months. - I'd have to take the woman's side on that one.
If a guy meets a girl, and she discloses imediately that she is dancer, and they date, and he asks her to quit after 2 months. - I'd have to take the woman's side on that one, too.
I do agree with you on this though. When a dancer is trusting enough to disclose her profession, the situations you presented are unfair. But the OP was saying that she had quit (her choice) before meeting him and wanted to come back to work until she could get a vanilla job so she could support herself. Now the important part in all 3 statements is that it has to be the dancer's choice of what to do. It is wrong for the partner to expect her to do as he pleases. If she just quits or stays out of the industry for the partner, she won't be satisfied (in most cases). Its like any addiction, you can't be forced to quit. Quitting is only successful if it is your choice and not a forced choice.
I know that at least in the cases of my posts, that the replies are more out of concern for OP's happiness, well-being, and independence. Without having a healthy and happy mind, a person can get into the wrong situation very easily and become miserable. I'm not trying to tell her she can or cannot be with him. I am telling her she needs to slow down and exercise caution with him though. I think the bf sounds like he could turn into a crazed and controlling abuser in the future, which is MY opinion and why I was cautioning OP so much. But I am also not a profession counselor, I just have a psycho ex-husband that I married after knowing for 4 months because of some of the same things her BF was saying and doing.
roast
01-23-2013, 11:59 AM
There is a stigma associated with the adult entertainment industry? So much stigma that it could potentially make dating challenging? Wow. Most of us had no idea about that or ever experienced it.
Jack, you assumed the title of her post took up a huge part of the content of this thread without really reading it. and ended up posting something that has been discussed many times (at least once a month or so really. youve been here longer than me and posted almost like 50% more, so if Ive repeatedly seen it Im sure you can find them) with a lot of intelligent complexity. so introducing this as if it is a new groundbreaking concept kind of derails the point of the thread :shrug:
Until tuesdaymarie pointed it out I didnt realize - Jessica, she has a point about the pattern, so I hope you find your center. So much chaos must be exhausting to live. You can get out of the pattern though, it is hard to fight sort of drama habituation but it is doable? Good luck
JessicaCM
01-23-2013, 01:02 PM
Yeah like showing up to my place, demanding that I call him immediately lmfao, and sometimes he questions me about stuff that is none of his business (I got into the car he was asking me all about a folder). I don't know if he wants to be controlling (well maybe he is looking out too much) because he wants me to finish school, agreed to help me pay for a car, always buys whatever I want, gave me $ towards my hair and clothes (and told me to save it or do whatever), doesn't want to destroy my relationship with family and stuff. I mean I think he is cramping my style, but enough of the rambling.
JessicaCM
01-23-2013, 01:07 PM
One time someone yelled out the window and yelled "hey slut" drunk mofos and my boyfriend tried to follow their car, and has been confrontational in public once or twice. Like it's a crazy world, he coulda got me shot with that shit. Smh.
MommieLongLegs
01-23-2013, 01:25 PM
jack-You were just on another thread saying that, though you have a girlfriend, you visit strip clubs once or twice every few months when you just can't fight the urge to see another woman naked, and, I'm assuming let her "dry hump" you. Yet, you'd be repulsed if your girlfriend was the stripper. That sounds a bit hyprocritical to me.
I understand completely if a guy isn't cool with dating an adult entertainer, and if that's the case, I'm not the one, and he can keep it moving.
JessicaCM- Honestly, it doesn't really seem like you're ready to be in a relationship at this time, perhaps you have some soul searching to do. Just my honest opinion.
JessicaCM
01-23-2013, 01:29 PM
I am ready, I just want to do what I want to make $ without losing him.
MediMax
01-23-2013, 03:03 PM
I am a total newbie here. But what incredible food for thought I am reading in this one excellent thread. It is certainly a real education for me especially since I have become extremely attracted to some strippers recently. Great stuff!
rickdugan
01-23-2013, 03:16 PM
Never get to the point where you are depending on a man financially or depending on his family members, for anything. It's easy to get comfortable with not working and staying at home, but eventually when he becomes MORE abusive and jealous, you'll have LESS options available to you and this is just what people like this want. This is the situation they want you in because it gives them more control and power.
Idk, but I think that this is probably a bit jaded. I see plenty of the old-style stay at home Mom arrangements that seem to work just fine, so long as she has equal access to the finances.
But I agree that the situation above sucks. Just a few months ago Jessica was complaining about not having enough money to pay a lawyer for a DUI charge and now she is talking about quitting dancing in order to rely upon a guy who is living with his parents and is not really THAT flush. And isn't this the same guy that, just a few weeks ago, was refusing to take medication to clear up an STD that he supposedly gave to Jessica? And his other behaviors have felt awful controlling.
I just don't know - I suspect that this isn't going to end well.
roast
01-23-2013, 03:56 PM
Seriously. Where are you guys finding these controlling jealous guys? In my 10 years of dancing I have never dated a man that tried to tell me what to do and suggest that I should quit my job.
Sorry, just to be clear I was being sarcastic here. Of course there is a stigma associated with the adult industry and of course it can make dating challenging.
Im in a supportive relationship as well and have been others that have been supportive while being in the industry so I wasnt being sarcastic like flippant about the possibility of healthy relationships either. What I was getting at is jack was trying to inform us that there is a stigma associated with the sex industry that he seems to believe we're all somehow not understanding. He jumped on the title and ran with the idea (stigma) that *of course* guys couldnt deal with having a dancer as a girlfriend and none of us would ever want a *gasp* sex worker for a partner either. Basically: fyi guys, people have stigmas about dancers if you didnt know. Which is kind of ridiculous to say to a group of people in the industry already, ykwim? Stigmas about the industry isnt a newsflash.
Because of course people in the adult industry would be acutely aware of the stigma associated with our various jobs? That doesnt mean social stigma needs to rule who we choose and how we conduct ourselves within relationships and we should somehow make allowances that degrade us simply due to stigma. So that stigma isnt something we're ignorant of but awareness of it doesnt mean we should kowtow to it in our intimate lives. Mates who arent sheeps to the stigma (or fetishists or freeloader$, or exploiters of the stigma) exist, finding them when youre single is often the challenge?
I may not have expressed my initial sarcasm that well. sorry.
xoxoroxie
01-23-2013, 09:48 PM
Yeah like showing up to my place, demanding that I call him immediately lmfao, and sometimes he questions me about stuff that is none of his business (I got into the car he was asking me all about a folder). I don't know if he wants to be controlling (well maybe he is looking out too much) because he wants me to finish school, agreed to help me pay for a car, always buys whatever I want, gave me $ towards my hair and clothes (and told me to save it or do whatever), doesn't want to destroy my relationship with family and stuff. I mean I think he is cramping my style, but enough of the rambling.
I think you're honestly flattered, I would be too. But it pisses me off when people have to know everything, because sometimes they want to know so they can be more controlling.. it sounds like you are excusing the things he does 'cause they're not cool. If he is like this 2 months in, how will he be in 6months? You already sound like you're on lockdown cause he controls you financially.. this is gonna be bad for you
O.. and btw let's say you get pregnant and want to keep the baby then you're really locked in. Don't be one of those girls!
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 07:13 AM
I think you're honestly flattered, I would be too. But it pisses me off when people have to know everything, because sometimes they want to know so they can be more controlling.. it sounds like you are excusing the things he does 'cause they're not cool. If he is like this 2 months in, how will he be in 6months? You already sound like you're on lockdown cause he controls you financially.. this is gonna be bad for you
O.. and btw let's say you get pregnant and want to keep the baby then you're really locked in. Don't be one of those girls!
Yeah, I know temporarily working at the club for like 2 weekends is the best thing but it's not way to hide it because we always spend weekends together. However, in the long run one I get my $, I don't want to no have him. It's a lose lose situation. I just have some legal fees, need to get my hair done, pay some small bills off, and that. I am looking for other work but I'm so lost. He said a while back he doesn't want to hold me back from making $, but I don't want to lost him over a few hundred bucks at the same time.
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 07:38 AM
He said when I didn't answer my phone after 4 or so hours of him calling Tuesday night he thought after he dropped me to run some errands off I might have hurt myself, got hurt, or was maybe prostituting to earn some $ (since where I use to work). He said all thoughts ran through his mind, especially since I wasn't in my place (apparantely, but I still told him I was sleeping). That kind of threw me off. I just need to get some money fast.
Smurfette
01-24-2013, 10:09 AM
^^ so he thinks because you are/were a stripper that you'd be out "prostituting"? LOL.
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 10:37 AM
^^ so he thinks because you are/were a stripper that you'd be out "prostituting"? LOL.
He said after he dropped me off (I had to go pay attorney fees that I didn't want to tell him about cause really it's nobody's business.) From like 8:30 to midnight I did not answer my phone because I was working. He didn't know I went to the club. He said he tried to knock on my door twice after calling and texting four or 5 times. He said he didn't know if I got a ride back from a random person, was upset and did something crazy, out prostituting, cheating or wtf happened. So once he found out about what fee I had to pay at the office he dropped me off at, and then I told him I was sleeping he was cool. I mean I really was at the club, but he had no proof. Anyways, it's too risky doing that. That kind of blew my mind that he would think that when I told him before that I never had sex for money even though the other girls did. Wtf.
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 10:38 AM
The craziest thing is why would I ask him for a ride to a trick's house anyways. LMFAO.
MommieLongLegs
01-24-2013, 10:55 AM
I am ready, I just want to do what I want to make $ without losing him.
I've read all your posts, and I don't see what he's doing to make you not want to "lose him".
There is a difference between wanting a relationship and being ready for one. I just see a superficial relationship with two people who appear to be on the immature side, and who don't know what a loving relationship is supposed to be like.
I, myself, am not ready right now. I want a relationship, but I'm trying to move, finances aren't up to par, getting into school, need a car...If I'm honest with myself, I'm not whole enough to give my all in a relationship, to fulfill my half of the relationship. I am, however, ready to casually date, meaning have fun and get to know a guy (no commitment), which I feel is what you should be doing. Do you know his middle name? His favorite color? His life story from birth til now? His goals? Where does he he see himself in 1-5 years? Does he know your story? Do your lives mesh?
I ask this because for you to already be discussing your finances as a couple, especially when it comes to depending on him, you should know him like the back of your hand by now. That's not something you can do with every man who offers this, especially so quickly into the relationship without getting to know you completely first. That's not a light decision for a man to make with his money or for a woman to make with her future.
Someone said you seem flattered. Well, if you're flattered by a guy controlling you and showing up to your house out the blue, especially so soon, then it appears you may have some self esteem issues or you like the drama. It may feel like him controlling you means he just cares so much about you it drives him crazy and you like the attention, but someone who cares about you won't try to control you. He will protect you, but not by insisting you wait for him to drive you to Wal-Mart instead of you taking your usual train ride (that YOU wanted to take).
All your posts are about you either telling us what he did wrong this time or you pondering whether or not to sneak and make money stripping, and if you don't strip, how will you get the money you need to get your hair done.
Like I said, you don't seem to understand the real problem here, and every piece of advice people give you gets a "yeah I agree" then it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I'm not trying to mean, I'm trying to help you. I'm 24 myself, so it's not like I don't understand and have never made bad decisions in relationships. I used to not know what love was. I didn't have anyone to tell me what I needed to do or to look for or how I was supposed to be treated. It's been trial and error, and I'm still learning. You're situation sounds so much like my friend's, but she's not gonna listen because she likes the drama and is "too educated and polished" to take anyone's advice, which is partly why I'm considering ending our friendship. I hope you're different. Good luck.
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 11:08 AM
I've read all your posts, and I don't see what he's doing to make you not want to "lose him".
There is a difference between wanting a relationship and being ready for one. I just see a superficial relationship with two people who appear to be on the immature side, and who don't know what a loving relationship is supposed to be like.
I, myself, am not ready right now. I want a relationship, but I'm trying to move, finances aren't up to par, getting into school, need a car...If I'm honest with myself, I'm not whole enough to give my all in a relationship, to fulfill my half of the relationship. I am, however, ready to casually date, meaning have fun and get to know a guy (no commitment), which I feel is what you should be doing. Do you know his middle name? His favorite color? His life story from birth til now? His goals? Where does he he see himself in 1-5 years? Does he know your story? Do your lives mesh?
I ask this because for you to already be discussing your finances as a couple, especially when it comes to depending on him, you should know him like the back of your hand by now. That's not something you can do with every man who offers this, especially so quickly into the relationship without getting to know you completely first. That's not a light decision for a man to make with his money or for a woman to make with her future.
Someone said you seem flattered. Well, if you're flattered by a guy controlling you and showing up to your house out the blue, especially so soon, then it appears you may have some self esteem issues or you like the drama. It may feel like him controlling you means he just cares so much about you it drives him crazy and you like the attention, but someone who cares about you won't try to control you. He will protect you, but not by insisting you wait for him to drive you to Wal-Mart instead of you taking your usual train ride (that YOU wanted to take).
All your posts are about you either telling us what he did wrong this time or you pondering whether or not to sneak and make money stripping, and if you don't strip, how will you get the money you need to get your hair done.
Like I said, you don't seem to understand the real problem here, and every piece of advice people give you gets a "yeah I agree" then it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I'm not trying to mean, I'm trying to help you. I'm 24 myself, so it's not like I don't understand and have never made bad decisions in relationships. I used to not know what love was. I didn't have anyone to tell me what I needed to do or to look for or how I was supposed to be treated. It's been trial and error, and I'm still learning. You're situation sounds so much like my friend's, but she's not gonna listen because she likes the drama and is "too educated and polished" to take anyone's advice, which is partly why I'm considering ending our friendship. I hope you're different. Good luck.
He showed up because he was in the area and I returned none of his 6 vms or texts while in the area. It's above hair, I just have a few bills to pay off. I don't feel comfortable going to him asking for that kind of money (like 600 or 700) (although he offered to pay for one of my classes over interession but I ended up taking it this semester because of a few problems with the placement and stuff). I am putting in other applications, but I would rather work a weekend here or there instead of being on a tight budget. I don't really think once I get the money I need I will be happy that he is gone.
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 11:12 AM
I'm actually going to the club tonight again. Thursdays are good and he is going to be busy anyways. We usually hang out Friday's and Saturdays. So a weekday or two will have to work. It's not cheating, and I gotta do me.
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 11:25 AM
Usually when I complain about having shit to pay for...he usually pays for stuff I need and if I really needed something I need (like my class), clothes, and stuff. I just don't like to ask. I'm a hustler ya know. Get it any means necessary. I'm not fucking mean, just seducing them. I always based my days on my needs when working. He usually tells me not to worry about stuff, it'll be okay, and tell me I look fine. It's like annoying because I need some extra $. That's why I'm going in. I'm not going to wait.
JessicaCM
01-24-2013, 11:40 AM
His ass would always go to the strip clubs in relationships (he admitted it before, but says he has changed) with his past 2 exes apparently. Especially the last one. I didn't trip. However, if he's always with me on weekends, then I know he's really not going there because he doesn't do much after work. Yet, he doesn't want me working there and stuff.
Starling
01-24-2013, 06:30 PM
Someone said you seem flattered. Well, if you're flattered by a guy controlling you and showing up to your house out the blue, especially so soon, then it appears you may have some self esteem issues or you like the drama. It may feel like him controlling you means he just cares so much about you it drives him crazy and you like the attention, but someone who cares about you won't try to control you. He will protect you, but not by insisting you wait for him to drive you to Wal-Mart instead of you taking your usual train ride (that YOU wanted to take).
In all of your posts about this guy, I see so many warning signs and red flags it is ridiculous. And it really reminds me of one relationship I had with a guy years ago. I was quite young and he was my first boyfriend. No one was there to tell me what a good man is, and I really thought he was a good guy because I thought all guys were like him and there weren't any better guys out there. This was my reasoning and it was only after I wasted my time and got a bit older that I realized there are way better ones out there who won't make it feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them.
If this is why you want to be with this guy, if this is your pattern, I really want you to run because the longer you stick around with this guy, the harder it will be to break up with him and escape. You might not want to hurt his feelings, but it'll be way better to get rid yourself of that garbage sooner rather than later. My pattern was that I thought that all guys were just like that when they are not, and that since I would like to say I have a kind heart and like to help others I noticed I tended to go for guys that are pretty needy. Once I realized this pattern I never dated a man like that again. Before that I think the guy would realize that I'm a gentle lamb, they take advantage.
This guy did the same exact shit to me, that you're describing. At first it was on smaller scales but then it escalated and became unreasonable. I was letting him get away with his behavior so I'm sure he took advantage of the situation and I'm willing to bet my money that your guy will do this too. Texting me if I don't respond quickly enough and getting angry about not texting him sooner, over-worrying about where I was and being dramatic about it ("I thought you could have been killed, or raped, or some other bullshit!"), being angry if I didn't come home by a certain time because I was hanging out with some friends (and he tried to make me come home earlier and earlier as months progressed). "Because I was worried about your safety. I don't want you coming home so late." He really did a great job of eventually isolating me.
He was very much like what you described in the beginning, a nice guy who would take me to places and buy me gifts and do kind gestures for me. And he always wanted to hang out with me and be with me at all times. At first I thought these things were great, wow he really likes me a lot that he wants to hang out with me and cares about me so much. But he was really just garbage that ended up becoming quite nasty.
And when I finally did grow a pair and break up with him, it was really hard. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings, but the scarier thing was his reaction: I knew he would go absolutely ape shit which he did. Then he started doing things like what your guy is doing except times 100. He would call and text me literally a hundred or more times for the first couple of weeks and he would drive around town looking for me. I had to keep my phone off for the first few days. He would look for my car at my job and park it so that his driver seat door was facing my driver seat door. He would then show up conveniently near when my shift was up so he could walk with me to my car and play the pity game with me. He would show up at my house uninvited to see if I was home. He would call my relatives to try and touch base with me. He once called my mother, saying "she had to call me to wake me up, is she around?" And this is while I had already broken off contact, I had never planned doing such a thing.
Sorry that I'm ranting, but I hate to see girls getting into these kinds of relationships and not even realize what they're getting themselves into. And I wish there was something I could do to protect these women so they wouldn't waste their time dealing with the kind of bullshit I put up with.
I mean, this guy texts you a lot, then shows up at your home to see where you are, and then makes over-dramatic excuses worrying about your safety and well-being? Very bad signs.
Even if you choose not to break up with this guy right now, you will want to later. What I said may not sound right, right now, but over time. There were some people who did warn me, but I was blind because "they just don't know him like I do, they don't know him that personally". But deep down somewhere I did have a gut feeling something was off. When your gut feeling gets strong enough and the time comes to break up with him I want you to remember this: that when you do decide to break up with him, cut off all contact because he will try to get you back into the cycle again. And once he does its going to be even tougher to get out of it the next time around. He'll be dramatic, will guilt you how terrible you made him feel, giving you promises of how he'll change, he should have treated you better, and he will sound so sincere that you might actually believe it. Don't buy it.
If you left any of your stuff at his house, forget them. Don't go back there. It's not worth your safety. Absolutely do not answer any of his phone calls or texts. In fact, just change your number all together or keep the phone turned off. If you do talk to him he will probably lie to you about something just to get you back into the trap. I remember my ex texted me because he said his mom wanted to talk to me about something, I forgot what. I really liked his mom and feel sorry she has a shit son. He said he'll pick me up. I said nope, taking my car. He tried talking me out of doing that, but I did anyway. Drove to his mom's house and her car wasn't there, guess what, she's not home. He did that just so he can get me alone with him in her house and lied saying how "she was home, but she went out." I did not get out of my car and drove away. It'll feel like hell for the first few weeks, but as long as you do not give him ANY contact it will gradually lessen. The more contact you give him, it will feed his hope to trap you again and he will not leave you the fuck alone.
In hindsight I am very lucky that he eventually did leave me alone safe and sound. He was also acting like lolcow at the time so I feel kind of bad that I didn't milk him and laugh at his responses, but that would have pissed him off. I wish I kept some of his emails and texts, they would be hilarious to read now years later.
jack0177057
01-24-2013, 06:56 PM
The problem outlined in this thread isn't JUST this guy's opposition to stripping. He wants her to completely rely on him for everything, financially and otherwise. He says he'll give her money, but those promises come with ultimatums, and she's made to feel guilty for asking. Plus he won't give her as much money as she needs. He tells her which jobs are okay for her to have and which aren't (can't be a bartender!). He tells her that she's not allowed to have friends! He won't allow her to take a train in the winter because it's cold and he's "worried" despite the fact that she's a grown ass woman. But then he complains when he gives her a ride in his car....
There are SO MANY red flags here. It's not just about stripping.
Those are valid points. I agree with you based on these additional facts.
And IF you are one of the "guys with modicum of self-respect who would find this repulsive" you can go ahead and not be with a dancer. It's your choice. There are plenty of us on here who can find men/women CONFIDENT enough in the relationship and bond we share to marry or be in long term relationships with us regardless of what profession we are or have been in. Those are the ones we want.
It is not about CONFIDENCE. It is more about a core belief of what a relationship consists of: mutual exclusivity. I realize some people live alternative lifestyles - like swinging, cuckolding, threesomes, etc. - and more power to them - but most people still hold on to traditional notions of mutual exclusivity, both emotional and physical.
(And yes, I am a hypocrite because I visit SCs once every couple of months... I admit it with shame.)
If my GF told me she wants to become a dancer, I would have no insecurity issues because: (1) she is an extremely loyal person and I trust her completely, (2) I've read on this forum about how dancers REALLY feel about their customers, and (3) most of the customers are unattractive middle-aged men.
Yet, regardless of my 0% insecurity problem, the idea of her grinding on other men is still repulsive to me.
Jack, you assumed the title of her post took up a huge part of the content of this thread without really reading it.
Yes, I skimmed through the postings... Sorry I did not have enought time to read every single post.
and ended up posting something that has been discussed many times (at least once a month or so really. youve been here longer than me and posted almost like 50% more, so if Ive repeatedly seen it Im sure you can find them) with a lot of intelligent complexity. so introducing this as if it is a new groundbreaking concept kind of derails the point of the thread :shrug:
Duh, nearly every problem posted on this forum is repeated over and over again. I'm disappointed that you haven't figured that out yet. ---- Does she really like me?... Why does my BF want me to quit?... What does it mean if she gives me her telephone number?... Should you ever date a customer?... What really happens in the VIP room?...
And this is not the first time I posted this comment, I posted a similar opinion two years ago, and probably about every six months thereafter.... Yes, Sherlock, the same issue has come up MANY times and, remarkably, the same comments show up again and again.
jack-You were just on another thread saying that, though you have a girlfriend, you visit strip clubs once or twice every few months when you just can't fight the urge to see another woman naked, and, I'm assuming let her "dry hump" you. Yet, you'd be repulsed if your girlfriend was the stripper. That sounds a bit hyprocritical to me.
Just because I patronize dancers does not mean I should be cool with my GF being a dancer. I support and respect military women and police women, but I would not want my GF to risk her life in a military or law enforcement career. I patronize women who work in fast-food places for minimum wage, but I would not want my GF working at a fast-food place for minimum wage.
I would not care if my GF was a former dancer, but, I would not want to get "serious" with a women that is still dancing. Could I make an exception in special circumstances - like if she needed the money to get through college? Sure, but, it is not a situation I would want to be in.
And, if I ever told my GF that I was going to dance at a male review, she would probably walk out the door before I even finished the sentence.
tuesdaymarie
01-24-2013, 07:08 PM
^Buying a cheeseburger is a little different than paying a woman to grind on you. The hypocrisy isn't in mere patronage. It's within the act that you specified as repulsive--grinding. You pay women presumably to grind on you, and that's apparently okay. But this theoretical girlfriend grinding on another man is repulsive. You engage in that repulsive act with another person with nothing more than alleged shame, but the active role is the one that is condemned? That's silly.
I sympathize with partners not being entirely comfortable with having a dancing SO, but acting like sitting in a chair and allowing another woman to grind on you somehow makes you a more innocent party than the stripper you're paying is hypocritical.
tuesdaymarie
01-24-2013, 07:22 PM
Separate post because it's not really related to jack's theories on moral relativism...
Jessica, I feel like you mostly ignored my post and anyone who made similar comments because the underlying issue isn't what you want to talk about. I think you're feeding on this drama (and all the other drama in your life), otherwise this guy would be gone, and you would start to clean up your act. The only response you made to me, or at least I think it was me, was that you are "ready" (I guess to make real changes?), but you just want to make extra cash and not lose this guy. Well, those numbers don't add up. Making real changes in this situation means that you need to be single. You can't figure out why you're bouncing from toxic relationship to the next without focusing on yourself. You can't focus on yourself when this guy is choking your income and keeping tabs on you. And you can't fix what's going on within yourself when you still have this excuse to allow you to play the victim of this oh-so-crazy out-of-the-blue bad relationship. It also doesn't add up because making real changes would mean working to have good relationships. Lying to someone to keep him around isn't part of a good relationship.
MommieLongLegs
01-24-2013, 07:31 PM
Just because I patronize dancers does not mean I should be cool with my GF being a dancer. I support and respect military women and police women, but I would not want my GF to risk her life in a military or law enforcement career. I patronize women who work in fast-food places for minimum wage, but I would not want my GF working at a fast-food place for minimum wage.
I would not care if my GF was a former dancer, but, I would not want to get "serious" with a women that is still dancing. Could I make an exception in special circumstances - like if she needed the money to get through college? Sure, but, it is not a situation I would want to be in.
And, if I ever told my GF that I was going to dance at a male review, she would probably walk out the door before I even finished the sentence.
Ok, your law enforcement and fast food career examples are different from the point I was making, so read carefully this time, twice if you need to.
You would have a problem with your girlfriend dancing half naked on men and dry humping them, but it's ok for you to be dry humped by a half naked woman.
You want her to only be touched by you, but you can be touched and touch other women (if strip clubs allow customers touching). If it's not allowed, you'd still wish you could.
Again, in that "keeping secrets" thread, you said
"This is like us guys with GFs or wives that occasionally feel a compulsion to visit the SC and buy dances. I go about once or twice every couple of months when I can no longer resist the urge and I feel guilty about it. (Though, I have justified it somewhat to myself by reasoning that it relieves the urge/itch to see another woman naked and saves me from full-blown adultery.)"
You agreed with me when I pretty much said it seemed like you were trying not cheat by saying
"I've never slept with anyone else, but the urge to seek sexual thrills/adventures with other women can feel irresistible. I won't go into the cliche about eating the same icecream for the rest of my life, but love does not kill all the urges. The SC is my way to manage my urges."
and " My point was about keeping secrets and living a "double life" "...because you're having to "cover your tracks".
You, sir, are a hypocrite just like I said. I wouldn't want to get "serious" with a guy who acted like going to the strip club was a need, instead of just a random night out with the guys, and not a secret. I wouldn't want a guy who didn't *really* want to be with me and only me, whether he *actually* cheated on me or not.
So, you keep telling yourself that what you do is different. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
jack0177057
01-24-2013, 07:31 PM
^ I never said my act is more "innocent" and I admit being a hypocrite.
The only difference may be in quantity - A dancer may grind on 10 guys or more every day, while I visit a SC, on average, about once every couple of months (when the urge hits me hard).
Other than that, both acts are probably equally repulsive to the significant other.
simone87
01-24-2013, 08:19 PM
Ok, your law enforcement and fast food career examples are different from the point I was making, so read carefully this time, twice if you need to.
You would have a problem with your girlfriend dancing half naked on men and dry humping them, but it's ok for you to be dry humped by a half naked woman.
You want her to only be touched by you, but you can be touched and touch other women (if strip clubs allow customers touching). If it's not allowed, you'd still wish you could.
Again, in that "keeping secrets" thread, you said
"This is like us guys with GFs or wives that occasionally feel a compulsion to visit the SC and buy dances. I go about once or twice every couple of months when I can no longer resist the urge and I feel guilty about it. (Though, I have justified it somewhat to myself by reasoning that it relieves the urge/itch to see another woman naked and saves me from full-blown adultery.)"
You agreed with me when I pretty much said it seemed like you were trying not cheat by saying
"I've never slept with anyone else, but the urge to seek sexual thrills/adventures with other women can feel irresistible. I won't go into the cliche about eating the same icecream for the rest of my life, but love does not kill all the urges. The SC is my way to manage my urges."
and " My point was about keeping secrets and living a "double life" "...because you're having to "cover your tracks".
You, sir, are a hypocrite just like I said. I wouldn't want to get "serious" with a guy who acted like going to the strip club was a need, instead of just a random night out with the guys, and not a secret. I wouldn't want a guy who didn't *really* want to be with me and only me, whether he *actually* cheated on me or not.
So, you keep telling yourself that what you do is different. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
+1. my thoughts exactly . if anything jack, i think you going to get dances makes you more guilty than your wife would be if she *gasp!* stripped.we go there to make money..its a job. you go there in your free time to SPEND money on another woman..i don't really think it matters how many girls you get dances with, the point is that you went and paid for another woman to grind on you, yet you would find it repulsive for your gf/wife to grind on somebody else..just for money, not the sexual thrill like you do it for..
im not trying to be an asshole, and i understand why men go there i really do and i don't judge them..except when they start making self-righteous comments about how their woman would never be allowed to do such a thing!
MommieLongLegs
01-24-2013, 08:25 PM
jack-Well in that case, you should be fine with your gf going to male reviews and having dicks swinging in her face and grinding on her, because, you know, she just couldn't fight the urge to see big dicks and hard, oiled up sexy bodies. Call it even stevens? lol
Jessica-I stand by my last response to you.
roast
01-24-2013, 09:12 PM
I understand how someone may have issues with their significant other dancing - but your screaming virgin / whore complex is your business. Seriously. Your rambling dissonance and anxious justifications are usually something most of us are paid to listen to men sob through, so if you need anyone's business information, we're here for you?
Customers who just embrace their interest in adult entertainment or at least are better at compartmentalizing their lives are usually 10x more fun than the ones with obvious glaring hangups, so, for the sake of your favored dancers - hope you figure yourself out? More importantly, like I said about 'derailing' - this thread isnt about you, so you know.
sammii
01-24-2013, 09:15 PM
Roast, you always know what to say. <3
Maybe this should be moved to Ladies Only?
I met my man at the club. We started seeing each other, he told me he wouldn't date me if I was a stripper. (Not that I couldn't be one.. that he wouldn't go for me if I was). Well, I won his heart and we became exclusive. BUT! He told me "If we ever want to get married, you can't be a stripper anymore". Ok. So.. here I am, married 2.5 years and still a stripper. It's not his favourite thing, but it's important to me. If it's important to you - then fight for it. If not, give it up for him.
To me, he wasn't worth not being a stripper. To him, my job wasn't worth not having me. Since we were already dating I had a slight advantage ;) but the point is.. if he loves you, he will love you no matter what. He shouldn't try to own you just because he doesn't like something.
JessicaCM
01-29-2013, 07:40 AM
I met my man at the club. We started seeing each other, he told me he wouldn't date me if I was a stripper. (Not that I couldn't be one.. that he wouldn't go for me if I was). Well, I won his heart and we became exclusive. BUT! He told me "If we ever want to get married, you can't be a stripper anymore". Ok. So.. here I am, married 2.5 years and still a stripper. It's not his favourite thing, but it's important to me. If it's important to you - then fight for it. If not, give it up for him.
To me, he wasn't worth not being a stripper. To him, my job wasn't worth not having me. Since we were already dating I had a slight advantage ;) but the point is.. if he loves you, he will love you no matter what. He shouldn't try to own you just because he doesn't like something.
Well apparently we are unofficially broken up and after I gave him his clothes from my place he tried to call a few times and left a few voicemails and texts . After he took me out for my-day we got into it because he got mad I was texting (when I was on the phone texting my brother, once or twice out of hours talking about I'm always on the phone). Then he accused me of still stripping, then in the car I asked him what I did wrong, and he didn't say anything so I gave him his clothes. So this AM he texted me about "I can still give you a ride if you want" to court today. My one friend was like he must have thought you were done by not answering the phone, so he said what he said. Idk. WTF?
Aniela
01-30-2013, 12:39 AM
The nxt place you should go is down to the lost&found to reclaim your balls.
Would you put up w/ this controlling crap from a customer? Even a well-paying customer? If not, why the hell are you putting up w/ it for free?
Relationships come & go, hon, & esp. one that's only been a few months is not worth hinging your financial/social independence on. From what you've posted abt this paragon of hypocrisy, he's not abt your needs (whether you singular or you guys as a couple - what's he compromised on?), he's abt his own, & I think more than anything his own image. You're the one being made to jump thru the hoops here, & he's giving you what exactly? A pale substitute for the lifestyle you're accustomed to, your means to which he demanded you give up essentially to satisfy his own insecurity? Pardon my bluntness but I think he's looking more for a bitch than a gf. You're better than that. Dump his ass.
jack0177057
01-30-2013, 03:38 PM
jack-Well in that case, you should be fine with your gf going to male reviews and having dicks swinging in her face and grinding on her, because, you know, she just couldn't fight the urge to see big dicks and hard, oiled up sexy bodies. Call it even stevens? .
I admitted that I am a hypocrite, so I fail to follow your logic. Actually, I would have no objection to her going to a male review, but she's not the wild and sexually aggressive kind of girl that gets the "dicks swinging in her face and grinding on her".
Surprise, surprise - many people in the club are hypocrites!.... Or maybe I am the only one - the only guy in the club who hasn't gotten consent from his significant other to get grinded on. I am sure you reject dances and money from all of us morally offensive hypocrite men...
I am not preaching morality here, I claim absolutely no moral superiority to anyone.... It just seems so naive to me when a dancer can't seem to figure out why her BF opposes her dancing... It must be the insecurity, that's it... Surely, a secure and confident man would have no objection to his semi-naked GF grinding on other men in a state of arousal.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with dancing, just how naive dancers sound when this issue comes up and they don't understand why their BF minds the dancing - and other dancers, rather than pointing out the obvious, accuse the BF of being insecure and controlling.
Imagine I started a thread like this - "I just don't get why my GF opposes me getting grinded on by hot young beautiful dancers. I just do it to relieve stress and for erotic entertainment, but my heart is always with my GF, so, I don't get why this bothers her so much. Men are drawn to look at other women naked, that's why there are scantily clad women in most advertising and that's why porn is on cable, dish, the internet,....and, um, everywhere. So, what is wrong with getting a lap dance once in a while and feeling the boobies of a hot stranger? My GF must be a very insecure and controlling person to deny me this little pleasure. Should I even be with her? Should I look for another woman that encourages free exploration of my sexual fantasies?"
^ Fictional thread, this is purely facetious to make a point.
I met my man at the club. We started seeing each other, he told me he wouldn't date me if I was a stripper. (Not that I couldn't be one.. that he wouldn't go for me if I was). Well, I won his heart and we became exclusive. BUT! He told me "If we ever want to get married, you can't be a stripper anymore". Ok. So.. here I am, married 2.5 years and still a stripper. It's not his favourite thing, but it's important to me. If it's important to you - then fight for it. If not, give it up for him.
To me, he wasn't worth not being a stripper. To him, my job wasn't worth not having me. Since we were already dating I had a slight advantage ;) but the point is.. if he loves you, he will love you no matter what. He shouldn't try to own you just because he doesn't like something.
I completely agree with this, Aeva, because you were a dancer when he met you. He had no right to demand that you change.
Also, you were willing to lose him if he did not accept you as you are. This is not an example of a naive dancer asking, "Why is my boyfriend opposed to me dancing? What is wrong with him?" - Rather you are saying, this is me - take me or leave me. There is nothing wrong with that, so long as you are willing to accept him walking out.
I'm not saying a dancer has to quit dancing for her BF. If you want to continue dancing, keep dancing and let him go, if he cannot handle it... Just don't ask, "What is wrong with him? Is he insecure? Why doesn't he support my choice to lap dance?" and don't join the chorus of dancers accusing the poor bastard of being insecure and controlling, just because he doesn't want his GF to undress and grind on other men.
With respect to this thread, it was pointed out that there are other issues of insecurity and control with respect to the OP's BF, so its not just about the dancing. There are other red flags, and maybe the best thing is for the OP to leave him.
JessicaCM
01-30-2013, 04:51 PM
The nxt place you should go is down to the lost&found to reclaim your balls.Would you put up w/ this controlling crap from a customer? Even a well-paying customer? If not, why the hell are you putting up w/ it for free?Relationships come & go, hon, & esp. one that's only been a few months is not worth hinging your financial/social independence on. From what you've posted abt this paragon of hypocrisy, he's not abt your needs (whether you singular or you guys as a couple - what's he compromised on?), he's abt his own, & I think more than anything his own image. You're the one being made to jump thru the hoops here, & he's giving you what exactly? A pale substitute for the lifestyle you're accustomed to, your means to which he demanded you give up essentially to satisfy his own insecurity? Pardon my bluntness but I think he's looking more for a bitch than a gf. You're better than that. Dump his ass.One of my favorite posts on here!!!So we never broke up, just an argument. When we were out at dinner tonight he was like you look a little depressed. I was getting over a cold/stressed about paying this few hundred dollars for the rest of my attorney fees/textbooks while I look for another job. HE SAID NOTHING OR OFFERED NO HELP. I know before he was gonna pay $700 towards a class I had to take, but I ended up taking it this semester (my choice). He always says if you need anything ask, and that he would rather help me out in the past. Like I want to be engaged over the next two years, and want a serious relationship. Working two or three weekends in the club would help me out GREATLY with a few bill/extra spending $. He gave me $100 a few weeks back to help with my hair, but that went to my unforseen attorney fee. I really want to bein a serious relationship, but I have bills (I know why he doesn't want me to strip, but it's fast $$$. Plus I did it before). HELP! I don't want to have the $, but risk a relationship and have no one there when I get it.
Aniela
01-30-2013, 06:19 PM
With all the ppl who have given you their $.02 it looks like you've accumulated a couple bucks worth of advice.
In the long run you're the one who has to live w/ your decisions. He could still be here nxt yr, or he could be gone tomor. It sounds like you two just might not be compatible - I was w/ sm1 yrs ago, b4 I started dancing, but I told him at one point I'd been in a bind & considered it. He told me it would be a dealbreaker, even if I'd done it & quit b4 meeting him. We broke up eventually, for a number of reasons, but one of the core reasons was his general narrow-mindedness. His ends always justified his means, but I was nvr afforded that leeway. Now yrs later I've got a guy who, tho I met him when I thought I'd retired from dancing, didn't give me shit for having done it & still wanted to be w/ me when I went back to it. They may seem few & far between but they ARE out there.
Consider this - The bf is stressing you out, & your financial situation is stressing you out. Think of the buttload of stress that will be lifted from you once you get rid of this guy & get your finances in order. Now, down to the lost&found w/ you! This isn't the last guy on earth FFS.
JessicaCM
01-31-2013, 06:50 AM
You are right. If he loves me he should not lose me over going back to the club temporarily. He's depositing checks while I am sacrificing not getting expenses paid.
JessicaCM
01-31-2013, 06:51 AM
When we were out at dinner tonight he was like you look a little depressed. I was getting over a cold/stressed about paying this few hundred dollars for the rest of my attorney fees/textbooks while I look for another job. HE SAID NOTHING OR OFFERED NO HELP. I know before he was gonna pay $700 towards a class I had to take, but I ended up taking it this semester (my choice). He always says if you need anything ask, and that he would rather help me out in the past. Like I want to be engaged over the next two years, and want a serious relationship. Working two or three weekends in the club would help me out GREATLY with a few bill/extra spending $. He gave me $100 a few weeks back to help with my hair, but that went to my unforseen attorney fee. I really want to bein a serious relationship, but I have bills (I know why he doesn't want me to strip, but it's fast $$$. Plus I did it before). HELP! I don't want to have the $, but risk a relationship and have no one there when I get it.
xoxoroxie
01-31-2013, 11:13 AM
Well it looks like you have to choose between a serious relationship and financial security.. that's just how it seems to be. If he loves you he wouldn't put you through all this stress in the first place .. and you are kinda putting yourself through this stress just to have a bf, seems a little desperate.
simone87
01-31-2013, 12:01 PM
. I really want to bein a serious relationship, but I have bills (I know why he doesn't want me to strip, but it's fast $$$. Plus I did it before). HELP! I don't want to have the $, but risk a relationship and have no one there when I get it.
i don't think you're risking a serious relationship..you said it's only been a few months..that's not serious, really, imo. and don't just stay because you want a serious boyfriend, it DOES sound desperate..
you need money. your boyfriend is neither giving it to you, or allowing you to work. sounds like a no-brainer to dump him to me..
JessicaCM
01-31-2013, 12:43 PM
Well it looks like you have to choose between a serious relationship and financial security.. that's just how it seems to be. If he loves you he wouldn't put you through all this stress in the first place .. and you are kinda putting yourself through this stress just to have a bf, seems a little desperate.
Yeah. He doesn't mind me working just not a stripper (but only reason I ever did it was QUICK money. Never took a trick home from the club.) I told him I'm kind of stress about some fees and he just stared at me. Ugh, I have been putting in other apps but it's fustrating. What happens in a few weeks when my attorney needs the rest of his $ and I have no textbooks? Or extra money. I have money, but I don't want to spend it without having some coming in. He was like anything you need ask, blah blah blah. He has helped some, but while he deposits checks I'm struggling. I value my relationship alot, but how the fuck am I gonna pay my bills?
JessicaCM
01-31-2013, 12:49 PM
i don't think you're risking a serious relationship..you said it's only been a few months..that's not serious, really, imo. and don't just stay because you want a serious boyfriend, it DOES sound desperate..
you need money. your boyfriend is neither giving it to you, or allowing you to work. sounds like a no-brainer to dump him to me..
"your boyfriend is neither giving it to you, or allowing you to work. sounds like a no-brainer to dump him to me" THIS!!! He says he doesn't want me to strip, just something more "respectable". I so disagree with this. However, I know in life you can miss out on a good person by not making sacrifices. At the same time, he once said a while back that "I don't want to hold you back if you need to make $, but the stripping thing isn't going to work out". Well how the fuck am I gonna pay my bills if he isn't giving it to me meanwhile? You all are right, don't mean to defend him, it's just a HARD HARD HARD decision since I haven't been in a relationship in so long or found anyone worth my time.
JessicaCM
01-31-2013, 01:00 PM
i don't think you're risking a serious relationship..you said it's only been a few months..that's not serious, really, imo. and don't just stay because you want a serious boyfriend, it DOES sound desperate..
you need money. your boyfriend is neither giving it to you, or allowing you to work. sounds like a no-brainer to dump him to me..
"your boyfriend is neither giving it to you, or allowing you to work. sounds like a no-brainer to dump him to me" THIS!!! He says he doesn't want me to strip, just something more "respectable". I so disagree with this. However, I know in life you can miss out on a good person by not making sacrifices. At the same time, he once said a while back that "I don't want to hold you back if you need to make $, but the stripping thing isn't going to work out". Well how the fuck am I gonna pay my bills if he isn't giving it to me meanwhile? You all are right, don't mean to defend him, it's just a HARD HARD HARD decision since I haven't been in a relationship in so long or found anyone worth my time.
pinkpvc
02-06-2013, 05:34 PM
Oh dear.my ex fiance FORBADE me to strip and I didn't listen to the girls on here who rightly called him out as controlling. After six years(!) Of never going out,him constantly leeching money from me, he came to visit me when I was in hospital after a nervous breakdown and dumped me unceremoniously,telling me to get my stuff out of the flat asap.
I'll never let a man dictate my life again.