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kikiwiki
02-19-2013, 04:53 PM
C/U, you sound very young and VERY emotional. With good reason of course. But I just want to remind you there are so MANY more men out there, SINGLE men, that are worthy of your attention, are great lovers and will treat you like the Goddess that you are. You will find him when you make the effort to eliminate this married ball and chain of a man that is causing you this pain. Transfer your energy to someone who will give you a good return. Try Being single for a bit, it isn't that bad either because at least you wont have the drama of heartache a relationship can bring. But please, married men are a complete waste of your young years especially when there are record number of single and available men men nowadays.

Optimist
02-19-2013, 07:38 PM
Please don't blame me, I'm still experiencing conflict about telling or not. I always thought telling was the right choice... and I'm scared to do it, on top of not wanting to AT ALL. And everyone's advice here, which is all about avoiding negative situations for myself.

On one hand, I still think she deserves to know. I don't want them to break up, but given that they're already having problems she needs to know to work things out beyond just the sexual aspects. It'd be helpful to know the entire truth. I don't want him (outside of sex), he's just wayyyy too fucked up to be worth it to me, so it's not about breaking them up or revenge. He doesn't even know if he wants to stay, so there's that too. He said getting married was a mistake and I'm inclined to agree... I dunno, if I told her I'd hope they'd work it out (far away from me), but I really doubt it's possible given ...everything.

On the other hand, I don't want to. I wouldn't get a good feeling from it. I'd feel like crap. He said to do whatever I thought I had to do, but I think he'd be mad (don't care). She might figure it out on her own. I'm thinking about it, there's not THAT much in terms of ways for her to find out. It would be life-changing for her. It'd be more drama for me. And I'm a coward.

I'm still thinking in circles and all of this is so confusing. Before this, I always would have said the right thing to do was to tell the wife and back the fuck away. I'm backing the fuck away, that's for sure, but it's weird to challenge something I previously held as true.


(I'm having this horrid thought about printing off and mailing this thread to her. There's enough information here that she'd be sure about whom I was speaking, I get anonymity AND I feel like I did the right thing. From there, it's between her and her husband. Omgosh I can't believe I fell in love with a married guy. WTF WTF WTF!)

It can't hurt to keep writing and talking your feelings out. You can think about why you want to tell, what you think it will do for you, how you are feeling now and how you think it will make you feel. Is it shame? Is it powerlessness? is it betrayal? Is it longing or loneliness? Is it being tricked into violating your code? Or being used as a tool to hurt someone? You can keep asking yourself questions to get at what's bugging you. The most important thing is to keep going until you know what this is all about and then find ways to deal with those emotions. You may have to change some things in terms of what you look for in a sex partner, in a mate.... It could be about how you maintain a sense of power over your feelings or your work persona. Anyhow, just keep going, you'll figure it out.

Kessler
02-20-2013, 12:36 AM
Your flip-flopping emotions are perfectly natural. Don't sweat it. You've just been through an emotional spin cycle - I'd be more concerned if you weren't worked up.

But I'd advise holding off on making a decision for a few days, maybe even a few weeks. Let your emotions settle first. You're still processing what happened and still bringing up all the little things he did and said or didn't do and didn't say and looking at them through the prism of what you now know is true. Each little revelation is going to rock you and change your opinion of what you should or shouldn't do. So let yourself go through this first and then, when the emotional dust settles so to speak, make a choice.

I'll confess, I've flip-flopped too. I didn't think I would, but I had to ask myself, if I were his wife, would I want to know? The answer is yes. But I'd weigh that need with how much danger I'd be putting myself in. And since none of us know the guy, only you can do that. I still strongly weight putting your health and safety first, but I understand how you feel.

invibe
02-20-2013, 02:08 AM
C/U, you sound very young and VERY emotional. With good reason of course. But I just want to remind you there are so MANY more men out there, SINGLE men, that are worthy of your attention, are great lovers and will treat you like the Goddess that you are. You will find him when you make the effort to eliminate this married ball and chain of a man that is causing you this pain. Transfer your energy to someone who will give you a good return. Try Being single for a bit, it isn't that bad either because at least you wont have the drama of heartache a relationship can bring. But please, married men are a complete waste of your young years especially when there are record number of single and available men men nowadays.

This.

Unfortunately the people that really take your breath away can be shitty people sometimes, it's like a law of the universe that you don't find out about it until too late. The hardest part about this kind of situation imo is not closure or loose ends, but being emotionally available for a better person down the line which means moving on.

Confused and Unsure
02-21-2013, 07:11 AM
Yeah, I'm flip-flopping. Well, not so much flip-flopping as thinking one thing is the "right" thing to do, but not having the courage to do it for a multitude of reasons. It's not my life; it's theirs and really, I don't owe either of them anything. Whatever, they'll sort it out. I'm allowed to be confused right now but ultimately it's just not a me-issue. I think I just need some time to let it all set in and to spend time with me. If I still feel like it's the "right" thing in a few weeks, and I'm sure, maybe I'll readdress but for now, I need to let me breathe, be kind to myself and enjoy the people I love so much.

kiwiwiki: I'm 25, but yes, emotional about all this. How much is meeting all these new people going to be though? Yes, I'm hurt right now, but I can't wait! The future is so exciting... I'm not about to start dating tomorrow, but maybe in a few months' time... thank you for your support :)

Optimist: Writing is helping me. Probably 'yes' to all those questions, but I know I'm the only one who can answer them. It's really helpful to see everything written out on the computer screen. I am so privileged to be able to access support when I need it. There's no choice but forward!

Kessler: I think indecision about this is natural (now). It's so funny how my perspective is swinging so wildly, I've never had this happen before. I'm usually quite stable and well-balanced. I'm holding off for ...well, a long while at least. I want to cause the least amount of pain, there's been too much of it already. I hear you about the flipping. I come first :)

invibe: Moving on might actually be easier than I thought, what's attractive about someone who can lie like that? I'm not hurting for friends or lovers, why tolerate something that's (worthless)... I don't think the sex would be the same anyways. Again, onward!

TENDERMAN
02-22-2013, 12:38 AM
Yeah, I'm flip-flopping. Well, not so much flip-flopping as thinking one thing is the "right" thing to do, but not having the courage to do it for a multitude of reasons. It's not my life; it's theirs and really, I don't owe either of them anything. Whatever, they'll sort it out. I'm allowed to be confused right now but ultimately it's just not a me-issue. I think I just need some time to let it all set in and to spend time with me. If I still feel like it's the "right" thing in a few weeks, and I'm sure, maybe I'll readdress but for now, I need to let me breathe, be kind to myself and enjoy the people I love so much.

:)

I believe she already knows and is dealing with it in her own way for her own reasons. Remember, she knows the REAL man. The person you were with was/is an enigma.

Confused and Unsure
02-23-2013, 09:28 AM
Decided to not tell once and for all. Deleted all the voicemails, emails and messages, got rid of everything he gave me, etc.

I can't wait for this to start feeling better. Every part of me wants to text him. (WHY?! Oh right, cause I fell in love. WITH A MARRIED GUY. WTF.)

Tsepmet1
02-23-2013, 09:56 AM
Poor wife. :(

Confused and Unsure
02-23-2013, 10:15 AM
Poor wife. :(
I feel so bad for her, but straight-up, I am too much of a coward to tell her even though I think it's the right thing to do. There are cc receipts and stuff, but I doubt she'll find them. Even if she does, he lied so easily to me there's no way he won't do that to her. I want to believe he'll actually put in an honest effort to make everything work and to be more truthful. My gut says probably not.

I also want to believe he'll leave her and come chasing after me, say he loves me and it was all big mess that he's fixed. My gut says almost absolutely not. This is the kind of pathetic thought I can't wait to stop having. I'm working on it.

MommieLongLegs
02-23-2013, 10:50 AM
Confused-Like I said in my other post, telling usually results in the man lying and the woman being mad initially, then forgiving him for having a "weak out of character moment", and they'll skip off into the sunset leaving you regretting you ever said anything.

I know some men leave their wives/girlfriends for the other woman, but not if he feels he has a "better" life with the wife, as in he doesn't want to leave the stability/comfort/security/whatever of that relationship and really only intended to have a risky fling on the side. As with my cousin's boyfriend, they argued a lot, and were going to counseling, but he wasn't gonna leave her (not that I wanted him to. eww no!) simply because he had nowhere else to go, seeing as SHE was HIS meal ticket (he couldn't keep a job) and they had kids together.

So, I say let it go. You're obviously actually in love with this man, or least just hurt or infatuated, so I'm going to dedicate another song that may help you get through it. It will get better. Remember to protect your heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7h94tShor4Y

Confused and Unsure
02-23-2013, 11:31 AM
MommieLongLegs: You're totally right. I do hope that they'd work it out if it ever happened, if that's would would make them both happiest... even if I also have this stupid thought about him being with me that I confessed above. It was that kind of cognitive dissonance/flipflopping behaviour that cemented my decision in the first place: I am so clouded I can't even hold a decision steady, so I might as well get rid of an option that might be very, very wrong. How do I actually know that feeling as though telling is the right thing isn't coming from a place of revenge or jealousy? I can't. I'd never want to be someone who acted maliciously out of anger, hurt or revenge. I don't wish them any kind of harm or ill will. I just want to feel better, do the 'good person' thing and be able to stand behind my actions.

And yeah, I am "actually in love" and actually really messed up about it. This is completely unlike me (everything to do with this, from falling in love to being this emotional). Intellectually I know it'll get better... I can't help feeling shitty now. Also, kinda feeling bad about watching this from the outside, other friends and other situations, and secretly wondering what was wrong with them to let themselves get like this.

I've really enjoyed the songs you've dedicated. <3

jekka
02-23-2013, 12:06 PM
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I understand what you are going through because I went through the same thing. I went out with a man I thought was my boyfriend for 2 years. We spent lots of time together and I had no reason to believe that he was conning me. We actually got "engaged" before I found out he was married. Ring and all. I was planning a wedding and had family involved as well. So when I found out you can imagine the intense pain and humiliation I felt. I lost a dangerous amount of weight and could not stop crying. I couldn't function normally and a friend had to get help for me it was that bad. It was the worst time in my life.

I did tell the wife when I found out because I didn't want him to go home to his white picket fence without consequences for the damage he did to my life. It's like the married person thinks that their life is more valuable than yours because well they are married. Bullshit. I was angry and I did it out of anger and a feeling of helplessness for the situation. I couldn't get back those 2 years. I couldn't sue him and I wasn't going to let him walk over me like my life doesn't matter. That's the risk he took when he decided to fuck around.

She wanted him anyway and denied everything. He divorced her anyway and now has half of everything he worked for. People will continue to be assholes until they get their ass kicked.

I'm not suggesting that you tell the wife or do anything. I just wanted to share my story with you and tell you that you are not alone and you are not stupid. Don't blame yourself. It is not your problem it's his.

MommieLongLegs
02-23-2013, 01:36 PM
Confused-If you weren't an escort, I might say let time pass, then once your mind is clear and you still want to tell, then do it, though I don't think it'd solve anything. But, I'll say this, what goes around comes around. Also, when a guy shows who he is, believe him.

I'm glad you liked my songs, and since you like Maxwell, you should like this, too. It should at the very least make you smile and (because he's so fine :) ) will get your mind off this guy for the duration of the performance. I just listen to him and act like he's singin to me lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_kAWrFo3Cw&list=LLYzkXAvlIqTDJyceTsMNLkA and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdd63ga3NCw&list=LLYzkXAvlIqTDJyceTsMNLkA

Laurisa
03-04-2013, 01:35 AM
I'm just putting in my two cents, and I mean this in the nicest way possible:

You are an escort, therefore you are NOT having an affair.

An escort-client relationship is a business relationship, and he is paying you for services rendered (be it companionship or otherwise). Furthermore he is paying you to leave, meaning he doesn't want to form a committed and exclusive relationship with you. He is also paying (and rightfully expecting) that you are discreet and professional. He isn't asking you to determine if he's married or dating or really anything other than what he tells you. It is a fantasy for him, he may lie about his life to build himself into his fantasy with you--the one he is paying for. Furthermore, I think that if the roles were reversed and he was in your shoes you would be horrified that he was prying into your personal life and moreover, even considering breaking an unspoken code between you two.

Lastly, my motto always is: deny til you die. He will likely write you off to the wife as a crazy ex with a grudge. Not to mention you'll ruin yourself profesionally on any provider review boards. Bad for business.

Confused and Unsure
03-09-2013, 06:15 AM
jekka: WTF, that's so crazy! I am so sorry that happened to you *hugs* I've been talking around with people, apparently it's not that uncommon. Even though what happened to you sucked, thank you for sharing <3

MommyLongLegs: That's such a good Maya Angelou quote: "the first time someone shows you who they are, believe them". I always think about it as "when things get hard, what does someone choose to do?"


You are an escort, therefore you are NOT having an affair.
In any other situation, I would totally agree with you. We moved from professional to personal a few months into him being a client, after which there was no exchange of money. It was a very clear shift and one we both agreed on/talked extensively about.

Absolutely, escort-client relationships are business relationships, and furthermore I don't care if a client is married - who am I to judge? It blindsided me because this wasn't a paid relationship for either of us, he was spending the night, we were talking about so much more, had met my friends, etc. I mean, I almost introduced him to my parents. So stupid! I won't make that mistake again.

Redwolf
03-09-2013, 08:01 AM
^^

Prolly because he's fundamentally a sick individual. You'd be suprised what secrets people can take to their graves. Girl, don't beat yourself up over it. Take some time to mourn but really try to divest yourself from this guy, personally. I'm glad you're in Canada and the Pro-sex work aspect might not be as bad, legally. In the US, that's the first thing to catch up with you (right before taxes) and your goose would be cooked if he decided to out you for outing him.

Do something really nice for yourself. Reconnect with friends (the kind that won't badger you with "I told you so's") and take yourself to a spa or get your nails and hair done. Indulge in some hobbies and free-time. Read a good book and maybe then, a good self-help book. Lol! By that time, you'll probably get bored with being angsty over this asshole and want to get back to real work. Personally, I think being taken for a spin like this is a great motivator to keep your eye on the ball and make your money, the second time around. :)

+1 to this and many posts on the thread (except for blackmail, etc.).

IMO, Karma will get to him. Don't stoop to his level. Right now he is scared shitless that you are going to tell his wife, right? Let him stew in that. Plus, I bet that he really wants to know that you still have strong feelings for him. Don't give him that benefit.

Vivianbear makes a nice point about mourning. You enjoyed your time with him. Grieve your loss. Also, like she said, take care of yourself and reconnect with true friends, hobbies, etc. Trying to tell the wife or meeting him again as a client or trying to blackmail him just keeps you from moving on.

I can imagine that you told yourself not a few times that you would never date a client. That is a mantra for sex workers. Keep work and relationships separate. Don't date customers or clients.

Allow yourself to miss what you had, to grieve the loss. Remember, though, that you got to experience the best parts of a new affair/relationship without all of the negative drama of real life. Quickly jumping into something with another guy has the potential to open yourself up to more manipulation.

Finally, I do hope that you find what you are looking for. You sound pretty cool.

Babybunny
03-10-2013, 10:16 PM
I'm an occasional poster under another handle. I made this one just to be anonymous and will not use it for anything else.

I need your ladies' opinion so badly. I work as an escort and have a strict rule against dating clients. I broke it.

I met this amazing client almost a year ago and we saw each other professionally 4 times. It was very obvious we both liked each other a lot, and he sent me a text message asking if he could see me personally (in response to things I had previously said to him in our sessions). I agreed and we started dating. We spent a lot of time together and talking on the phone, went away for the weekend, he met my friends, he talked about moving in and maybe marriage, etc. He talked about a relationship he moved to the city for and how he had broken it off 2 years ago, had few friends here now, etc. I fell completely in love and he said he did too. He was a perfect gentleman towards me and had exactly the same values and personality traits I respect in someone... except being a massive, MASSIVE liar.

I never met any of his friends, but he said they were all either in his hometown across the country or had sided with his ex-girlfriend after the split. Similarly, he said he had a roommate whom he had moved in with when he broke up with her that had been a mutual friend of theirs, but him and his roommate had grown apart and the roommate was still a good friend of hers, so I never went to his place. I feel so stupid writing all this out now, it seems so obvious, but at the time I really trusted him and it all seemed to make sense.

I found his Facebook 2 nights ago. And his wife's. He married his "exgf" 13 days after he booked me and 13 days later booked me a second time. I confronted him about it yesterday and he confessed to everything: lying to me pointblank when I asked if he was married, wanting the best of both worlds, having fallen in love with me and contemplating leaving her for me, etc. He hasn't gone more than 2 weeks in his new marriage without having sex with me. He told me they haven't had sex in a very long time and that they're getting counseling, that he originally booked me to find out if he could get hard with a woman because he can't get hard with her. I believe him about this but he never had any issue with me at all. I also believe him when he says he really did fall in love with me.

If they do it with you they do it to you, and I have no interest in this "man" anymore (well, I have feelings, but there's just no way that's ever going to happen, fuck that noise). I'm hurt, confused, scared and incredibly upset. I will not be contacting or speaking to him again.

Here's my question: do I tell his wife? She clearly has no idea and she sounds like an amazing person. I don't want to hurt her or act out of emotion, but I also think she has a right to know. I asked him if he was going to tell her, and he said "maybe, but not tomorrow or anything". I feel so bad for her. I think I'd want to know, but I don't want to tell her either.

Fuck. I'm so upset and I feel so stupid. What do I do?

Don't become emotionally invested with clients or you won't be able to get money anymore.

Sophia_Starina
03-12-2013, 12:53 PM
I need your ladies' opinion so badly. What do I do?

Do not tell his wife. I'm sorry that you are emotionally tangled up with this guy but approaching his wife will make him HAAAATE you, possibly ruin your career, and create a very gnarly situation for everybody.... but especially for you.

Recognize that you can't have him. Don't buy into his bullshit. Keep it professional.

DO. NOT. GET. INVOLVED.
DO. NOT. CONTACT. HIS. WIFE.

Jay12
03-12-2013, 01:43 PM
I knew a girl who got involved in a similar affair, and she told the wife. The wife beat up the guy and left him. Is up to you.

msincredible01
03-13-2013, 04:29 AM
You're story is so sad! :( It's always easier to believe excuses men make when it comes to cheating and hiding things and to try to "understand" why he had to lie to you in the first place. It's like your subconscious mind tries to delay and create a kind of soft cushioning for the shitstorm of emotional pain it knows will eventually catch up to your consciousness. In the short AND long run, it will only do you harm to accept his excuses and stay involved. A newly married man sought out the services of an escort. He found you somehow so it's safe to assume he's thought out how not to get caught and the right excuses to tell his wife, a story to tell you about himself, all before even meeting you. He might have fallen for you.. he might have planned the whole thing from the get go (try to emotionally win you over so that he can get "the gf experience" from you without paying)...you'll never truly know! It sucks.. at this point, it's better to believe the worst about this man because chances are, he will not leave his wife but will *try very hard* to string you along nonetheless to feed his own egotistical needs. Best of both worlds for him, hell for you. Does this sound like the workings of a good and decent man? He'll have his wife and mother to his kids at home but a passionate and emotional ongoing affair on the side to satiate his inner narcissist. It's not fair to you OR his wife. I'm sure he's not perfect and clearly can't provide both of you women with fully functional and satisfying relationships! So what gives him the right to expect all facets of his life to be fulfilled? To pick and choose different women to fulfill different needs. It's so selfish! He got married...no body forced him into it. What gives him the right to expect a perfect little life at the expense of two other human beings..if not more :-\

I know of a woman who is in a similar situation, only she met her guy at an office job and had a baby with him. She found out during her pregnancy that he was already married and 3 kids in!!! I guess she had a bout of morning sickness at work and a co-worker came to help her out. After admitting she was a few months along, the co-worker naturally asked who's it was, she told, and the co-worker was like..Wait, so-and-so? we can't be talking about the same guy...he's married and has kids back in (neighboring state). She confronted him and he confessed to everything saying he loved her like mad and was afraid to tell he because he can't leave his wife and kids for her. They are still together and legit live a secret double life...he helps her financially and comes to see her and their baby every weekend. His wife doesn't know, he's too afraid to tell because his kids are 7-13 so he thinks they will hate him being of an age to fully understand how deep his affair has gone. Poor wife and kids, poor gf and her baby... Terrible, just plain terrible. No matter how decent of a man he may seem, how family oriented and "noble" he talks himself up to be, his actions will ALWAYS speak louder and reveal the man he is.

In conclusion, face the grim reality. Stick to the facts. They will hurt. Better to hurt now and feel freedom and relief later than dive deeper into the world of this mess of a person. He will always expect you to accommodate his life, at all emotional expenses. It will drive you crazy. Repeat over and over what a jerk he is so that you may move forward to a future of awesome, single guys waiting to be swooped up :)

kittykrane
03-13-2013, 06:41 AM
Don't tell his wife, STOP seeing him, talking to him, etc...Just cut his ass off.

THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY OF BEING STALKED BY A MARRIED MAN:
I had to do this just last night to someone I hadn't met yet, but we had been talking & texting for weeks. He doesn't know where I live (just general area), my full name, or where I work.

I'll try to make this short:
"Met" him on a dating site. His profile said he was single. Ok, fine...Find out then he is married but they are separating, says she is a cold bitch, etc....
RED FLAG#1- anyone who is having significant marital problems..stay away from...Not to mention he refers to her as a "bitch"
RED FLAG#2-We keep talking, he doesn't know what I do for a job, but one day he says something followed by "whore"...I said "Not cool, what was that for?" He said "oh, I'm just kidding"
By now I'm getting a little annoyed with him, because he is so impatient. If he texts me and I don't reply asap, he is like "what are you doing?" "Where are you?" etc... Admits to being lonely but I told him to drop it

(OMFG...he is calling again as I type this from ANOTHER number...seriously you ladies)........

So yesterday, i kind of mention what I do (camming but I don't mention any sites, thank god) and he said "Oh, so you get horny and masturbate to other men for a living? I don't like that" So maybe I shouldn't have told him, but by this point, I was losing interest fast and just wanted to see his reaction. I could already tell he is the possessive, jealous type. I tell him that I think we should part ways, this won't work, etc....(so glad I never met him)

Rather than just move on, he begins to call incessently and text. I sign up for call block because he isn't getting the hint. Then what does he do.....TEXTS/CALLS ME FROM WHAT I PRESUME IS HIS WIFE'S PHONE OR KID's..because later he says "don't reply to this number please, just talk to me, please".....I block that number too.

And then, just now, he is trying from another number, I presume his work...I'm adding that one to my block list too. I can add up to 30 so he better give up before then.

LESSON:
DON"T MESS WITH THESE GUYS....Granted, I've met some very sane ones, this one is a loose canon though. But in the end, it's not worth having an affair with a married man, unless he and his wife are in an open relationship. Let's face it, most aren't...

Confused and Unsure
03-15-2013, 05:26 AM
You guys have been so kind to respond with so much sympathy and understanding, so I'm going to do my best again to answer thoroughly like usual.

I've been feeling a little bit better and +1 to almost everything that everyone said. I spent two weeks going to class, work, hanging out on my computer/in bed watching Disney movies and cuddling with my cat... not doing laundry, my place was a mess, the whole nine yards. It was pretty rough and very unlike me, but I'm close with my family and my friends and they all really pulled me forward (and you guys! <3!). A pedicure/massage, a drunk night (not proud), a hair change, extra exercise, some crying and a lot of introspection later and I feel like I survived a hurricane (how disrespectful to people who actually have been through big things, this was huge for me).

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do anything. All I really know is that I fell in love and that felt amazing, I can appreciate it for what it was to me and I can bow out without causing any more pain. It's just not worth and I have other things I can be doing with my time that are more productive and make me feel better. I don't believe in karma per-say but I believe in people and the power of people. The world is beautiful and there are too many things to grab my attention to be depressed over someone else's poor life choices.

That having been said, I feel so much sympathy and empathy for her. I don't know her but I do know that if she ever found out, it would cause her pain and it sucks that I was an (unwilling) partner in that.

Confused and Unsure
03-15-2013, 05:55 AM
Redwolf: I didn't want to leave anyone scared or stewing, and I had no problem saying how I feel - I don't want to cause any more pain than what I've already been through, why would I want to do that?! I was so upset, it sucked so much and it's just too messy to do anything but go back to my basic values and try my best to live by them.

I'm mourning and Vivian was right (as was everyone else). I have never crossed the client-worker line before and I won't again. Funny how you get a lot of experience under your belt and somehow thing you're the exception, eh? I'm not, I made a huge mistake that was nice while I thought it was real and terrible once I figured out how wrong I was. Lesson learned!

(Thanks: you calling me "cool" made me smile, because given the rawness of my thread I would never have used that word for myself. If I'm looking for anything, which I don't think I am, it'd be someone to add to my life, not take away.)

Babybunny: I always get invested with the professional side of myself, it's good for me to see clients as people and helps me respect everyone. Personally invested? NEVER AGAIN.

Sophia: you're right. I don't care if he hates me (that's a him-problem), and I have worked too hard to build up my reputation to let something this silly get in my way. Especially silly because it's "his bullshit" as you succinctly put it.

Jay12: I don't really care if she leaves him or not, I don't want him (well on some emotional level probably yes, but in practice fuck no). I wouldn't hope domestic violence on him though... PS. your baby is really cute!

Msincredible: omgosh, that sucks for your friend, WTF?! There's a similar story about someone getting engaged to a married man on this thread too... how long do people think their lies are going to last, do they think their previous commitment just going to disappear?! And who pulls a kid into any of this?! This makes me really sad.

Because I don't know the truth and never will, I am choosing to believe he is a good person who made a mistake, got caught up in something and all the sudden things snowballed beyond his control. This makes it much easier for me (just like you said!) not to carry any hatred or resentment and to move on without getting too caught up in it. Yeah, it's naive, but it's what is helping me not feel like a complete idiot. If I'm never going to know the truth, I can at least choose to be kind to myself. He might not really be a jerk, but his actions were those of a jerk and really... I can just do better.

KittyKrane: STAY SAFE! It really gets to me when people use words for anyone that are intended in a derogatory way, and even moreso when it's about their partners. You don't use those words unless a) you have a horrendous mindset (in this case towards women) OR b) you know it's terrible but you can't control yourself when you're mad OR c) you think language has evolved to give them a colloquial meaning and that somehow makes it okay to you OR d) you've never thought about them critically. None of these are attractive or speak very highly about someone who would use them.

Seriously, please stay safe.

Confused and Unsure
11-01-2013, 11:51 AM
I just remembered this thread today and read through it again. Holy cow, was I ever upset and emotional! Some of my posts sound like a 13yo's journal.

Just wanted to update that I fucked him a few more times (whoops... but that sex!), and moved on emotionally. I've been going out and dating, and I've met some great guys! Not Mr. Perfect yet, but Perfect-for-now.

He probably hasn't told his wife, and that still makes me feel terrible for her. I hope they've worked it out and he stops but I doubt it... and that's not my issue anymore :D



I don't know where I would have been without this thread and your support; it's crazy how many people took the time to read what I wrote and provide thoughtful input. Sounds ridiculous, but it was the hardest time in my life and the worst I've ever felt about myself. I really needed someone to talk to and you guys all pulled through.

StripperWeb is The Best.

Aurora_Sunset
11-01-2013, 11:56 AM
Wow, so glad you came back and updated us! I'm glad you've moved on and were able to find the proper support here. :)

Sophia_Starina
11-01-2013, 12:07 PM
I just remembered this thread today and read through it again. Holy cow, was I ever upset and emotional! Some of my posts sound like a 13yo's journal.

Just wanted to update that I fucked him a few more times (whoops... but that sex!), and moved on emotionally. I've been going out and dating, and I've met some great guys! Not Mr. Perfect yet, but Perfect-for-now.

He probably hasn't told his wife, and that still makes me feel terrible for her. I hope they've worked it out and he stops but I doubt it... and that's not my issue anymore :D



I don't know where I would have been without this thread and your support; it's crazy how many people took the time to read what I wrote and provide thoughtful input. Sounds ridiculous, but it was the hardest time in my life and the worst I've ever felt about myself. I really needed someone to talk to and you guys all pulled through.

StripperWeb is The Best.

I'm so happy that you're doing well. You're bright and beautiful. Have fun sexxin' up a storm. I'm happy to have helped.

TENDERMAN
11-01-2013, 02:27 PM
I just remembered this thread today and read through it again. Holy cow, was I ever upset and emotional! Some of my posts sound like a 13yo's journal.

Just wanted to update that I fucked him a few more times (whoops... but that sex!), and moved on emotionally. I've been going out and dating, and I've met some great guys! Not Mr. Perfect yet, but Perfect-for-now.

He probably hasn't told his wife, and that still makes me feel terrible for her. I hope they've worked it out and he stops but I doubt it... and that's not my issue anymore :D



I don't know where I would have been without this thread and your support; it's crazy how many people took the time to read what I wrote and provide thoughtful input. Sounds ridiculous, but it was the hardest time in my life and the worst I've ever felt about myself. I really needed someone to talk to and you guys all pulled through.

StripperWeb is The Best.

What a nice surprise to receive the notice of your post and I'm so happy that your doing OK. I went back and read some entries after by last post to you. Kudo's to you for not keeping any relics, Dr. Phil would be proud of you :)
Please don't fret about "wifey", I'm sure she doing what's best for her "at this time".

Funny, I know of a couple, without any entanglements, where she told my SO that he is the best sex partner she ever had now she filed for divorce. LOL

I wish you the best and God bless.