View Full Version : Whats makes a guy creepy?
Aurora_Sunset
06-02-2013, 01:21 PM
Bah, I'm in a bad mood and not feeling well which is probably why I'm reacting so strongly to this. I wasn't trying to pick a fight. But it is frustrating to have many women here say the same thing and for every guy who's chimed in to make the same statement as though it's fact when it's been disputed by real women over and over again.
Also, it's one thing for women to say "Oh, I wouldn't mind if a guy did 'this that or the other thing' as long as he was hot!" - and it's another thing for it to actually happen. Generally a real reaction to inappropriate or "creepy" behavior by a hot guy is not received as well as women would (often jokingly) claim beforehand.
!TheOne
06-02-2013, 01:23 PM
Being on the receiving end of a rejection and being told you're "creepy" or seeing it happen to someone else, and hypothesizing as to what the reason is and the thought process behind it does not actually give you the real reason behind it or make you privy to the thought process.
I'd be considered a stereotypical hot guy, women are usually interested in me just by looking at me.
But years ago I used to get rejected harshly, probably worse than any dude here has ever got rejected.
One thing I've noticed is that women are willing to overlook certain behaviours if you look good. I can act like an asshole, and they'd be a bit forgiving or at least give me another chance. So of course if you're a hot guy you can get away with a lot of stuff.
This comes from my personal experience, as I've experienced both sides of the spectrum.
TheOne
Aurora_Sunset
06-02-2013, 01:30 PM
I think acting like an asshole and being "creepy" are two different things.
Maybe some women would - not really "overlook," but maybe ignore? - creepiness alerts if they think someone is hot or if they were interested in them. In my situation that I mentioned earlier with a friend who crossed the line, I didn't really do anything about his first creepy behaviors. It wasn't because it wasn't creepy or even that it didn't make me uncomfortable initially (because it did), but it was a shock that someone I had trusted and liked pulled that sort of shit on me. But that doesn't make him or his behaviors any less creepy. In my gut, I still got the bad feeling. It took awhile to sink in, but the initial reaction was the same as if some rando had done it.
Djoser
06-02-2013, 01:40 PM
Because it's called personal experience.
I know what it's like at BOTH ENDS of the spectrum. I'm probably the best here person to ask.
I'm telling you, if you're hot you will get away with all of this.
TheOne
You are not the best person here to ask. The women who might or might not find some guys creepy are.
Not all women are consistent, not all women have good judgement--just like not all men do either. But we don't 'know better than they do' why they feel certain ways about guys. I am not about to let a woman tell me she knows better than I do why I might find some women to be whackjobs I want nothing to do with regardless how hot they are.
I have also seen both ends of the spectrum. I will never forget one girl I know for a fact thought I was hot, who also said 'But he is weird...he doesn't like sports.' Like I give a fuck. ;D
Actually that woman and I became friends later. She still thinks I'm a little weird. But if you read a lot of books and never watch TV it will absolutely set you apart from a whole lot of people.
Trust me, I have seen plenty of women reject guys for being 'weird', then take up with guys who beat them instead. And I have seen the PUA shit work innumerable times on women who claimed it NEVER would on them lol. But that doesn't mean I know better than they do how they feel about guys, or why.
No one is saying women are infallible any more than men are. We are just saying you cannot claim to know what's in their heads better than they do.
caitir
06-02-2013, 01:58 PM
somebody who i get a bad vibe from. somebody who makes my skin crawl. somebody my guts is telling me "stay away!! danger!". that, to me, is creepy. its a vibe i get. a well-dressed young man can be creepy, or a homeless old drunk. its not about clothing
Agreed! I feel like it's how they carry themselves and their body language towards you that gives us this feeling.
There's this older guy I used to see who was a well-accomplished, attractive guy, but when he was around me his body language was like he was going to jump on me at any moment and that creeped me out. Always leaning towards me, always trying to touch me... uggghh. Gives me creep-shivers every time I think about it.
Another example: This reaaaallly HOT guy that I was dating (yah, learned my lesson), gave off this really intimidating vibe- the kind of vibe that he was really dangerous, and not in a good way. The sex was amazing, but he turned out to be suuuuper controlling and kind of a sociopath. :(
Now, I just listen to my gut, and I've never had a run-in with a creepster since!
FasaCorp
06-02-2013, 02:13 PM
You are not the best person here to ask. The women who might or might not find some guys creepy are.
Not all women are consistent, not all women have good judgement--just like not all men do either. But we don't 'know better than they do' why they feel certain ways about guys. I am not about to let a woman tell me she knows better than I do why I might find some women to be whackjobs I want nothing to do with regardless how hot they are.
I have also seen both ends of the spectrum. I will never forget one girl I know for a fact thought I was hot, who also said 'But he is weird...he doesn't like sports.' Like I give a fuck. ;D
Actually that woman and I became friends later. She still thinks I'm a little weird. But if you read a lot of books and never watch TV it will absolutely set you apart from a whole lot of people.
Trust me, I have seen plenty of women reject guys for being 'weird', then take up with guys who beat them instead. And I have seen the PUA shit work innumerable times on women who claimed it NEVER would on them lol. But that doesn't mean I know better than they do how they feel about guys, or why.
No one is saying women are infallible any more than men are. We are just saying you cannot claim to know what's in their heads better than they do.
Which begs the question: why ask a question such as this in the first place? If you just be yourself, and are not an asshole/douche, then you will find someone if you go looking (assholes and douches also find mates, sadly). The OP might as well have asked "what makes a guy undesirable?", since the responses here indicate the same thing.
Kellydancer
06-02-2013, 04:15 PM
Kellydancer, just noticed your sig has "verified creepers" accompanied by cartoon cock lol whats up with that?
Look story short, it was a group created by a member here who had joked about these creepy men oddly. Now that I remember, I haven't gone to that group in quite sometime and many of those who created it are no longer here (which is a shame since I liked most of them).
Kellydancer
06-02-2013, 04:27 PM
are you serious? why are all the men dead set on this idea as a kind of excuse as to why women call them "creepy" while all the ACTUAL women here are saying the opposite? don't tell women how they feel. its offensive
I can't help but wonder about some of the men who say they are called creepy based on their looks. In my experience these men are the type who are subpar yet want the hottest women imaginable and often pursue them then when they are rejected use this. I once knew this guy who truly was creepy. He was obese, ugly and older and would stalk much younger women who were way hotter than him (which wasn't hard to be as he was extremely homely). Then when the woman rejected his advances he would use his weight or looks as an example instead of the fact he was creepy and would be creepy even if he was handsome.
Lakota
06-02-2013, 04:54 PM
For me, it is a vibe that they give off. My ex-husband had a friend and the first time that I met said friend my fruitcake alarm went off. I told my ex that I didn't want that guy to come to our house ever again. Well, he convinced me otherwise and the guy came around quite a bit. I was always weary of him. One day my ex had just left for work and two minutes later there was a knock at the door. I figured it was the ex and that he had forgotten something so I answered the door in a t-shirt and undies and there stood Mr. Creepbag. I just told him the ex wasn't home and basically shut the door in his face and relocked it. Well, a few weeks later he mentions that he had gone to jail. After he left, I told my ex that I was checking up on the dude. Come to find out, he was using a fake name with us and was a registered sex offender. He had raped three girls ages, 9,10, and 11/12 when he was 19 while he was babysitting them. I haven't seen him since as I told my ex that his friend was a deadman if he ever showed up on my doorstep again. When I do see him, I'm going to beat him with the nearest heaviest object that I can find.
So, moral of the story is, trust your woman's intuition!
BlackSheEp3
06-02-2013, 06:14 PM
It doesn't really matter how many times anyone says it when people have actually seen and experienced the complete opposite.
I know what you women are saying, its not going in one ear and out the other. Believe that.
But as Trem stated, and I am not saying this is how women need to think/etc. but I have a pretty boy homie (dude seriously looks like Ken) and he manages to pick up girls all the time with his over zealous attitude and forwardness. He can just go up to random girls (even when they are in groups) and most of the time disarm the other dudes and charm them....he usually gets at least one number a day or every other day. (this is him just going at it nonchalantly, not aggressively or else hell rack up more numbers and yes they lead to dates)
So we had our average geeky looking friend say the same thing he does and act in a similar fashion...we could see the girl's faces...they either scrunch up their nose/crinkle their brow or make a fish face and you can tell by their expresions they are giving him the "ugh get away from me creep." look because they dont find him attractive. Yet our pretty boy friend does the same thing and he works for him (not all the time, Id say 6 times out of 10 it works).
But I do hear what you are saying women...its not the guys attractiveness its his words/action/behavior. I got it.
What I am saying is that typically and I speak from what I have seen multiple times....the good looking guy will pretty much be able to pull it off...contingent on he doesnt do something outrageous. I am talking within reason...even the best looking guy if he does something super loco...he will turned down/slapped/ignored/reported/etc.
BlackSheEp3
06-02-2013, 06:17 PM
No, it does not but that is not at all what i was talking about. I have a lot of female friends, my opinion comes from talking to them not from being bitter about being rejected as you would like to imagine.
^This!
I don't have a lot of female friends but I asked my female classmates, neighbor, best friend (shes a girl), and they say the same thing.
BlackSheEp3
06-02-2013, 06:21 PM
I'd be considered a stereotypical hot guy, women are usually interested in me just by looking at me.
But years ago I used to get rejected harshly, probably worse than any dude here has ever got rejected.
One thing I've noticed is that women are willing to overlook certain behaviours if you look good. I can act like an asshole, and they'd be a bit forgiving or at least give me another chance. So of course if you're a hot guy you can get away with a lot of stuff.
This comes from my personal experience, as I've experienced both sides of the spectrum.
TheOne
^Friggin true, as I stated earlier my pretty boy homie (his name is Rasty and looks like Ken...hes European) acts like a total asshole sometimes (its the whole I look good and I am better than you, alpha male, master race deal) and he has more cushion/grace than when I tried to do what he does around women. So I know this...his looks are helping him out.
I would be considered average looking to decent, not the "hot guy" but maybe the "He aint bad lookin" guy.
BlackSheEp3
06-02-2013, 06:22 PM
But Ill state it again...I know what you girls are saying.
I am just speaking from my experiences and asking around.
FasaCorp
06-02-2013, 06:26 PM
I know what you women are saying, its not going in one ear and out the other. Believe that.
But as Trem stated, and I am not saying this is how women need to think/etc. but I have a pretty boy homie (dude seriously looks like Ken) and he manages to pick up girls all the time with his over zealous attitude and forwardness. He can just go up to random girls (even when they are in groups) and most of the time disarm the other dudes and charm them....he usually gets at least one number a day or every other day. (this is him just going at it nonchalantly, not aggressively or else hell rack up more numbers and yes they lead to dates)
So we had our average geeky looking friend say the same thing he does and act in a similar fashion...we could see the girl's faces...they either scrunch up their nose/crinkle their brow or make a fish face and you can tell by their expresions they are giving him the "ugh get away from me creep." look because they dont find him attractive. Yet our pretty boy friend does the same thing and he works for him (not all the time, Id say 6 times out of 10 it works).
But I do hear what you are saying women...its not the guys attractiveness its his words/action/behavior. I got it.
What I am saying is that typically and I speak from what I have seen multiple times....the good looking guy will pretty much be able to pull it off...contingent on he doesnt do something outrageous. I am talking within reason...even the best looking guy if he does something super loco...he will turned down/slapped/ignored/reported/etc.
So are you saying that the attractive guy was perceived as being "charming", while the not-so-attractive guy was perceived as being "creepy"? If that is the case, then I'm afraid there isn't much point in continuing this discussion. Getting any kind of public admission about any of this serves no purpose, because everyone makes mistakes. And a great number of those never admit that they made a mistake.
Djoser
06-02-2013, 06:52 PM
Sure, anyone strikingly good-looking will get a little more attention and/or patience if they start acting a little crazy. Males and females will both naturally cut a prize physical specimen a little more slack. But there are limits to the kind of behavior that will be dismissed as 'quirky' or 'a bit strange', as opposed to 'creepy' or 'threatening'.
But this thread is getting a little creepy.
We are getting dangerously close to people saying 'If you are good-looking it is impossible to be creepy.', which is contrary to every law of social dynamics I am aware of.
BlackSheep, your uberstud friend acting like an asshole and using PUA tricks and still getting play is neither surprising to me, nor really relevant to the women here finding some guys to be the type they'd prefer to avoid, no matter what they look like.
BlackSheEp3
06-02-2013, 07:09 PM
So are you saying that the attractive guy was perceived as being "charming", while the not-so-attractive guy was perceived as being "creepy"? If that is the case, then I'm afraid there isn't much point in continuing this discussion. Getting any kind of public admission about any of this serves no purpose, because everyone makes mistakes. And a great number of those never admit that they made a mistake.
Sure, anyone strikingly good-looking will get a little more attention and/or patience if they start acting a little crazy. Males and females will both naturally cut a prize physical specimen a little more slack. But there are limits to the kind of behavior that will be dismissed as 'quirky' or 'a bit strange', as opposed to 'creepy' or 'threatening'.
But this thread is getting a little creepy.
We are getting dangerously close to people saying 'If you are good-looking it is impossible to be creepy.', which is contrary to every law of social dynamics I am aware of.
BlackSheep, your uberstud friend acting like an asshole and using PUA tricks and still getting play is neither surprising to me, nor really relevant to the women here finding some guys to be the type they'd prefer to avoid, no matter what they look like.
That's what I am saying...as long as the attractive guy doesn't do something outrageously wrong...it will fly.
Heres an example (I will use my friend and something he really did so its from actual experience. This was at Starbucks)
Ken: Hey pretty ladies, what's good today?
Group of girls in starbucks: Oh, ummm Hi, nothing much just hanging out.
Ken: Thats cool, well I noticed you guys when I came in and wanted to come over to say hi. My name Rasty. What's yours?
Group of girls: Well I'm Kristina, and this is Candice and Sam.
Ken: Nice to meet you, we should hang out sometime. I have somewhere to be. He pulls out his phone and ask the girl closest to him to put her number in.
*He gets the number, smiles and says well meet again. The girls smile back and giggle a bit discreetly. I could tell they were feeling him.
*To save a longer story...I tried this one day (he was with me and this time he observed) and the girls just told me (after I said Hey pretty ladies, whats up today?" Their response was a neutral (not nice but not mean) "Hello, we are having a conversation right now if you dont mind." and they turned their stools/backs to me. (This starbucks has a bar like seating arrangement near the counter...its at Santana Row in San Jose, think Bay Area version of Rodeo Drive) so mingling here and trying to hook is not uncommon.
See, because they didnt find me attractive/their type...they didn't give me the time of day. Nothing against them or that...but they probably thought who is this creepy random dude trying to holler at us. My friend does it and those girls were like whoa stranger guy talking to use...but ummm hes cute teehee.
^I was like WTFBBQ...you didnt even build rapport. There was no initial indicators of interest, eye contact, etc. This doesnt just happen in real life...this only happens on sitcoms and movies....wow wtf. Your looks man...its your damn looks working for you. Any average to ugly guy trying this will be viewed as the creepy random guy. Your the hot random guy. Damn you and your looks. I was joking in a friendly manner about the damn you part, hes a good friend and I am happy for him.
And "We are getting dangerously close to people saying 'If you are good-looking it is impossible to be creepy.', which is contrary to every law of social dynamics I am aware of."
^^^^Its not impossible to be creepy....creepy is creep regardless of how the guy looks. My point was that as long as the guy doesnt say "Hello, I want to take you home with me." (thats super creepy and disturbing to a complete stranger) If my friend Rasty did that...yeah he fudged up and thats creepster. But if he said to complete stranger in coffee shop "Hello beautiful, I'd like to get to know you because you caught my attention." would probably work for him. If I tried that...it probably wouldn't. His looks alone already have the girl giving him time and its the initial attraction...for me being average I would have to build up all that, gain her trust, make her feel comfortable first. For Rasty, he will do that no doubt...but hes in already. For me I still have to get in.
OliveJardin
06-02-2013, 07:12 PM
somebody who i get a bad vibe from.
^This. It's not always something visible, that instinctive, intuitive pang of "there's something off or threatening about this person" is enough and usually correct. That "sixth sense", so that speak, is the difference between someone harmlessly flirting with you, or checking you out on the street and "creepiness". I find most unwanted attention in public "creepy"-because it is. Any harmless, together man knows better than to threatening stare at, follow, approach (when the women is obviously giving off "please don't speak to" me vibes/body language) and harass women ::).
simone87
06-02-2013, 07:12 PM
yeah i really don't understand the "question" originally, when its obvious you have drawn your own conclusions..maybe the women on here are just a big more seasoned and smart than a lot of the bimbos out there who are telling you a hot guy can't be creepy
BlackSheEp3
06-02-2013, 07:21 PM
Look story short, it was a group created by a member here who had joked about these creepy men oddly. Now that I remember, I haven't gone to that group in quite sometime and many of those who created it are no longer here (which is a shame since I liked most of them).
oh funny stuff.
Off topic but do you remember corsica fire?
She was one of the few if not only friend I had on here when I first joined.
Djoser
06-02-2013, 07:24 PM
Exactly, Simone. Dancers tend to be a lot more immune to the good-looking guys pulling borderline stuff anyway, they are used to it all night.
BlackSheep, your PUA buddy pulling that off in Starbucks might have had a lot more to do with delivery than you think. He is used to approaching strange women and blatantly hitting on them, you are not. Tone of voice and body language will deliver an immense impact on the success ratio of these PUA tricks. You will also see guys who are not so good looking using PUA tricks much more successfully, if they have had experience/success with them before.
But I think we have discussed this enough. This thread is starting to remind me more of a PUA forum than SW.