View Full Version : Newbie question about dating a stripper
Kellydancer
07-05-2013, 11:59 PM
Mentioning stores: grooming OP to take her shopping. Seen this con often and sometimes it starts simple where she says she needs simple bras at Wal-Mart and escalates from there.
Divorced
07-06-2013, 07:25 AM
Omg, so much drama to share. Went to the club, she was on the schedule but didn't show. A 4 am conversation ensued. I don't even know where to start. End result is good and bad, but nothing that I have a problem with. A trip to target is planned. But in spite of that I think the point was made that I don't feel special and she is replaceable.
She tried to heap guilt on me, and I replied along the lines of a) I screwed up I'm sorry (said once and only once) b) this kind of drama is enough for me to just stop going to sc and stick to regular dating and c) she really missed out.
yoda57us
07-06-2013, 05:56 PM
Sounds like she's got you right where she wants you....
OliveJardin
07-06-2013, 07:20 PM
She tried to heap guilt on me, and I replied along the lines of a) I screwed up I'm sorry (said once and only once) b) this kind of drama is enough for me to just stop going to sc and stick to regular dating and c) she really missed out.
^...and once again-no one is surprised that all along the only thing she ever wanted...was your wallet ;). A predicable end to yet another tragic SC "romance" ::)
Divorced
07-07-2013, 01:39 AM
Over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
Took her to movie, watched another at her place after.
roast
07-07-2013, 02:29 AM
SC elements aside: youve said a few times you dont feel special and wanted to ensure she understands she is replaceable ... but you just met this person? I get the sense from how you said "the point was made", "playtime is over", "she missed out" that you dont feel special and that youre repeatedly communicating (threatening almost? lol but what is the leverage?) an emotional neediness, which is bizarre given... you just met this person. Like how can she not make me feel special, she is losing out on me, she couldve had me but she botched it. I mean, you just met? Why the grandiosity and high expectations of need? Also it is really hard to have drama in such a short period of time if youre drama-avoidant and have boundaries, and this saga is full of... neither.
Omg, so much drama to share. Went to the club, she was on the schedule but didn't show. A 4 am conversation ensued. I don't even know where to start.
Over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
I get the lure and how (some) guys fall headfirst into adult entertainment and how some use that to their advantage, I get it. I think also some customers cannot compute that (some) women do use sex for non-romantic personal gain and consider anything otherwise is unfathomable, so much so they mistake sexual contact as love - which I think may have happened here given the hints at extras? But the details of this story are so tediously cataloged and from the level of dramatic language, need to feel special, thinking certain details are more interesting than they are---- I think... your boundaries are off. Like not "heh heh newbie to stripclubs thinks the stripper likes him" boundaries, I mean general boundaries.
Which speaks to what rick said about you being super vulnerable but what Im getting at is there is a creeping obsessiveness in the subtext of this thread that I wanted to highlight. Maybe she's making big promises but the way you keep saying "and she knows that" and "I only said it once" and "well now I dont feel special" (repeatedly) to me is really.... odd. You seemed really gutted that she communicates with other customers, which again, even if you were legitimately dating: that's normal for someone you just started "dating" to have other male prospects. For a dancer it is even more normal to have customers she engages with and you were still... clearly devastated. And the part about she was scheduled to work but she didnt show up then it is this big hubbub at 4am about it? Uh. And where you end up apologizing and.... I dont know need to know the details but I can surmise some of them. Add this ongoing she isnt making me feel special thing? Ive never been divorced but can assume it leaves a person scrambling to redefine their roots, but... I mean:
I think ultimately, I'm probably seeing her real personality while we just sit together and play the video games. I know what I want in dating, and she's probably a good fit for my next year or so of bachelorhood... Growing old together? I don't have any fantasies that she's a fit for that. Certainly not in the place her life is in right now, but I think the biggest requirement I would have for any woman is that they own their own shit and deal with it. I think that will reveal itself over the course of a year of relationship, and if she's looking for me to rescue me, then she's either playing me or not right for me and eventually playtime will be over.
^From the timeline, this was after one meeting and you were mapping out a year of a relationship within 3days of meeting her? Marriage was even something you considered even in passing? I mean that has nothing to do with being overanalytical or vacation boredom (I think that was said to seem detached and disinterested like this is just an academic exercise, which this thread is uh wild evidence to the contraryt) that is unhealthy?
Even if she didnt dance and you met her at a library Id say the same thing. This is a lot of details and angst and timelines and handwringing and drama over someone you just met - what a week ago? Stripper or not. Like, for real. Maybe Im just a sociopathic dater but this to me reads like some Stage 5 stuff. But, I hope for everyone's sake Im wrong.
Divorced
07-07-2013, 05:29 AM
I'm pretty well aware of my tendency to get too attached. I'm just not sure I'm expressing myself right on here.
If I met her in a library, and she carried on about past boyfriends like she has about customers, and that's all she ever did when I tried to tell her about myself, I'd feel the way I feel. I might be overstating it if I said I want to feel special, I want to feel like she's interested on some level and it's hard to get that feeling. The whole thing is confusing just because the things she's done are things I wouldn't have expected unless a relationship had gotten serious.
A lot of where I talk about future plans, that's not a matter of plans with a particular person... It's a matter of what I want with some person. For example, when I bought my first house and I was 6 months out of college, I had a criteria that I could picture having a Dodge Viper in the driveway/garage of the house. Same deal...
Right now, my biggest problem was that I don't know where we stood because in my understanding of relationships, I saw elements of a serious relationship and other things that said I knew it wasn't that. After last night, I feel like we have a good start of a friendship and she enjoys my company, and wants to see if I can be trusted. That's good enough for me to stop feeling so unsure about where things stand.
And she needs to be introduced to Monty Python. That's my plan at this point.
As far as my last post, have you not seen Animal House? It's a classic! Get thee to a Blockbuster!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8lT1o0sDwI
rickdugan
07-07-2013, 06:34 AM
Omg, so much drama to share. Went to the club, she was on the schedule but didn't show. A 4 am conversation ensued. I don't even know where to start. End result is good and bad, but nothing that I have a problem with. A trip to target is planned. But in spite of that I think the point was made that I don't feel special and she is replaceable.
She tried to heap guilt on me, and I replied along the lines of a) I screwed up I'm sorry (said once and only once) b) this kind of drama is enough for me to just stop going to sc and stick to regular dating and c) she really missed out.
Far more dramatic for you than for her I suspect. Dude, she doesn't care. She was well aware of the fact that she wouldn't earn if she skipped her shift, yet she did so anyway, and customers are replaceable too. All you did is come across as a whiny and needy mark. She is probably laughing at you now. Heck, I've even known dancers who shared stories of, and even phone texts from, guys like you for the amusement of other customers.
And before you launch into another round of "she said these things, looked at me this way and scratched her ass that way" analysis, let me save you the trouble. It is all an act designed to get you on the hook. Period. This is not real, nor is it a substitute for dating. You are a gullible customer being taken for a ride on the pay-me-go-round. By now, self respect, common sense and/or gut instincts alone should be triggering the brakes. Idk, but roast may be right about your personality issues. If so, then you really should stay out of clubs altogether as they are a dangerous place for you.
I am going to punch out of this thread as it is becoming pointless. I guess, as lopaw wisely indicated in her post, that some lessons just must be learned through experience.
In any event, good luck!
safado
07-07-2013, 07:08 AM
Divorced, how old are you?
Over? Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
34259
charlotte_ai
07-07-2013, 07:26 AM
Mannnn... Who needs TV soaps when you are subscribed to this thread....
It's like watching the movie with the killer in the woods, stalking the house with the cute blonde inside. We're all screaming "look out blonde! He's going to murder you!" while she continues to make popcorn in her underwear....
*reaches for my own popcorn and eagerly awaits next installment.*
yoda57us
07-07-2013, 07:52 AM
You are a gullible customer being taken for a ride on the pay-me-go-round.
rick, it was worth reading this entire inane thread just to get to this line...
yoda57us
07-07-2013, 07:57 AM
And she needs to be introduced to Monty Python. That's my plan at this point.
As far as my last post, have you not seen Animal House? It's a classic! Get thee to a Blockbuster!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8lT1o0sDwI
Blockbuster is out of business.
Second request. Keep focused and on point please.
Chili Palmer
07-07-2013, 08:17 AM
Boy, you guys are making me feel old. Am I the only one who understands the reference?
http://i276.photobucket.com/albums/kk17/chilipalmer99/bluto_zps00e76a2b.jpg (http://s276.photobucket.com/user/chilipalmer99/media/bluto_zps00e76a2b.jpg.html)
Other than this self-deprecating pop culture reference, which shows a scintilla of hope for divorced, roast & RD are spot on.
CP
JordynBliss
07-07-2013, 09:29 AM
Divorced sounds a lot like my ex.
I met him in the club, and was genuinely interested. He became a regular and things escalated.
I enjoyed spending time with him so we met up for breakfast. Next thing you know, we've been together a year and a half.
I really loved my ex, I was genuine.
We aren't together anymore because I'm too much of a free spirit.
Yes, he spent some money before and after we started dating, but I never pressured him for money.
I hate how everyone just assumes that "everything out of a stripper's mouth is a lie".
DON'T MAKE FUCKING BLANKET STATEMENTS that don't apply to everyone.
Kellydancer
07-07-2013, 01:26 PM
rick, it was worth reading this entire inane thread just to get to this line...
The only reason to read this thread is the sane comments from people like Rick who gets it.
Boy, you guys are making me feel old. Am I the only one who understands the reference?
Other than this self-deprecating pop culture reference, which shows a scintilla of hope for divorced, roast & RD are spot on.
CP
I'm old too and got it, though if truth be told my favorite quote from Animal House (which I always use)is the "state your name one". I'm going to have to watch it again because it's such a great movie and Belushi was such a great actor. Belushi was definitely one who left too early.
IsobelWren
07-09-2013, 11:51 AM
20 Questions: Ecdysiast Edition
NICE!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Billy-D_Approves.gif
cherryblossomsinspring
07-11-2013, 07:50 AM
Mannnn... Who needs TV soaps when you are subscribed to this thread....
It's like watching the movie with the killer in the woods, stalking the house with the cute blonde inside. We're all screaming "look out blonde! He's going to murder you!" while she continues to make popcorn in her underwear....
*reaches for my own popcorn and eagerly awaits next installment.*
Lol I thought I was the only one. This thread is gold!! hahah!