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Kellydancer
07-29-2013, 01:33 PM
Very true, sometimes it seems there are only a few of us (which is why you should post more in these sections). I look at my parents and hope I have a marriage like they do or my grandparents did. That's why I refuse to settle, I want the fairytale. There was a time when my parents looked like they would divorce (money issues, etc)but they weathered it and are still together.

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 01:44 PM
This is the gist of the entire thread and it is so true. Way too many women here look at things strictly in terms of looks and money and life is more than that. For instance what if tomorrow they get in an accident and lose their looks or the man loses his money then what? These relationships are so superficial but as people get older things change. There was a poster here (I forget who)who did marry a rich man and later on he did dump her. Because he had money he went and found himself a younger woman. Because she was getting older she didn't have many skills and had to depend on welfare for awhile if I remember. Of course we have all seen the stories of a woman quitting dancing because a guy said he would support her then he dumped her. Marriage doesn't mean anything because many don't pay alimony and personally I don't believe in alimony when it comes to this situation.

I must be in the minority because my parents have been married almost 45 years and still happy. Sure they fight but never all that bad.My maternal grandparents were married 67 years until my grandmother's death and they were very happy. My paternal grandparents though I always questioned and suspect my paternal grandmother married my paternal grandfather to get out of England after WW2. I don't know for a fact though, and never thought they were happy.

This thread is not about that at all...however, you do bring up some good points. You just do not like this subject and that is okay. I just was not raised in that manner which romance is everything. Frankly, that would be quite foolish for someone from my background and culture to even be raised to think that marriage is about romantic and love.I am happy that I am not a romantic. I mean to me it is quite judgemental for you to say some of things you said. Also you need to understand that not everyone was raised like you. You just never thought outside of the box and I was not just talking about looks or just money. I was talking about marriage in a way in which you never thought of before and asking other women what their thoughts are. Personally, I did not believe in getting married for romantic love because love fades however if this marriage is based on friendship,loyalty, and respect than how can you judge....but you must understand if for centuries something has worked why should I changed it. I never wanted to married a man for love...that is how I was raised and how I grew up. Not only that it is quite wonderful for me to grow up without my parents or grandparents loving each other...their happiness was never my concern only if they were good parents and grandparents. They took care of my needs and wants .However, I will never knock other women if they want to married for love. I think that is great but I will never judge them or talk down to them for it. Personally, I would never married for love and never of dream of marrying for love. But that is me and you are you. People are different...

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 01:51 PM
Sarah,Good for you...you can not knock others for how they are raised...my grandparents (both sets) had great marriages based on loyalty, respect, and trust. So it does depend not only on culture but how you was raised. Great your grandparents and parents are together...love each other. However, you should never knock other people cultures and ways they raised their families. Just because it is not apart of your western values.

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 01:58 PM
Very true, sometimes it seems there are only a few of us (which is why you should post more in these sections). I look at my parents and hope I have a marriage like they do or my grandparents did. That's why I refuse to settle, I want the fairytale. There was a time when my parents looked like they would divorce (money issues, etc)but they weathered it and are still together.

Once again, that is great for you but you act like everyone must follow this Western fairytale way of thinking. First of you must understand that not everyone is raised in the same way even if they are born in America. Secondly, Sarah and you are raised differently than some of the girls on here such as me. While love and romance is something you dream about...that is not for everyone nor should you try to force your beliefs on others who do not come from your culture or belief system. I mean I am glad you post your beliefs however it seems like you did not want to respect others beliefs when it comes to this subject.

simone87
07-29-2013, 02:05 PM
what kind of "love" are we talking about? IN love, or just love??
my parents also taught me that there is MUCH more to a marriage than love. romantic love i mean. i know they love each other and have been married for 40 years but what kept them together wasn't butterflies and hot sex. it was respect, loyalty, commitment, and their children. i don't think you should get married just because you love somebody."all you need is love"?? fuck no!! you need a lot more than that. i dearly loved my sons father and i still love him to an extent but i cannot have him in my life. you need stability for your children and yourself, a man who is generous, thoughtful, caring, financially stable, etc. i love my boyfriend, but its not a high school, omg-you-make-my-knees-weak kinda love. i would like that sure, but i know he is a good man and i can trust him. he's good to me and my son, and i am secure living with him.
as far as marrying JUST for money to somebody you cannot stand, i wouldn't recomment it. but if you respect them, have shared interests, and you can grow to love them, then sure.
what im saying is, i totally understand not marrying just for love. its a legal contract, so its best to use your brain instead of your heart and pussycat lol. if you can find a man who you are absolutely head over heels for, who is also stable and trustworthy and good at heart, then i envy you!! i've never had such luck.

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 02:16 PM
what kind of "love" are we talking about? IN love, or just love??
my parents also taught me that there is MUCH more to a marriage than love. romantic love i mean. i know they love each other and have been married for 40 years but what kept them together wasn't butterflies and hot sex. it was respect, loyalty, commitment, and their children. i don't think you should get married just because you love somebody."all you need is love"?? fuck no!! you need a lot more than that. i dearly loved my sons father and i still love him to an extent but i cannot have him in my life. you need stability for your children and yourself, a man who is generous, thoughtful, caring, financially stable, etc. i love my boyfriend, but its not a high school, omg-you-make-my-knees-weak kinda love. i would like that sure, but i know he is a good man and i can trust him. he's good to me and my son, and i am secure living with him.
as far as marrying JUST for money to somebody you cannot stand, i wouldn't recomment it. but if you respect them, have shared interests, and you can grow to love them, then sure.
what im saying is, i totally understand not marrying just for love. its a legal contract, so its best to use your brain instead of your heart and pussycat lol. if you can find a man who you are absolutely head over heels for, who is also stable and trustworthy and good at heart, then i envy you!! i've never had such luck.

I am in love with this post right now :)

GlamourRouge
07-29-2013, 02:26 PM
Once again, that is great for you but you act like everyone must follow this Western fairytale way of thinking. First of you must understand that not everyone is raised in the same way even if they are born in America. Secondly, Sarah and you are raised differently than some of the girls on here such as me. While love and romance is something you dream about...that is not for everyone nor should you try to force your beliefs on others who do not come from your culture or belief system. I mean I am glad you post your beliefs however it seems like you did not want to respect others beliefs when it comes to this subject.

I agree, and also, all of you are still on the outside looking in. For all you know, like your grandparents for example, one party could have compulsively cheated on the other. I look at my childhood friends' families for a second as an example. Most of them looked perfect on the outside, but had serious problems on the inside. You'd never know though unless you were told about it. No one is going to sit down and tell you about how one family member cheated on the other, or bought escorts, or was seriously abusive. Most people keep this a secret unless its accidentally exposed.

SarahTime
07-29-2013, 03:43 PM
There's so many good points on this thread!

I'm not talking about like "in love" omg puppies and unicorns and every day is amazing type of love. You DEFINITELY need more than just love to make it work. I've been married 7 years today and it's not been easy and some times I don't feel "in love" but I know that we still love each other and that is important. Being "in love" comes and goes.

I think the initial question of this thread made it sound like you would consider marrying JUST for money. It gave me the impression that you didn't even really have to LIKE the guy, maybe tolerate him... but that money would be the only requirement. You need many things to make a marriage work but I do think that having a deeper connection, call it "love" or whatever else, is needed to make it work for the long term.


Once again, that is great for you but you act like everyone must follow this Western fairytale way of thinking. First of you must understand that not everyone is raised in the same way even if they are born in America. Secondly, Sarah and you are raised differently than some of the girls on here such as me. While love and romance is something you dream about...that is not for everyone nor should you try to force your beliefs on others who do not come from your culture or belief system. I mean I am glad you post your beliefs however it seems like you did not want to respect others beliefs when it comes to this subject.

I'm not really sure where you are getting that I do not respect other beliefs, or how others are raised, or where others come from.

Can you please tell me what I've said that indicates that I am forcing my beliefs onto others? Or what I said that showed disrespect for others?

I've shared my opinion on the subject, as everyone else has, but I've also stated that I'm not trying to knock down or judge others who are different than myself. There hasn't been anything I said that was like "you shouldn't do this" or "this is bad" is there? Any statements I make are coming from my own beliefs, and are not to say "this is the only way" or "the right way", just that this is the way I would do it. Did you not ask "would you ever marry for money" and "what are your thoughts"? Should I precede every statement I make with some disclaimer about how this is just my opinion and what I personally believe? I didn't think that was necessary in order to not be pinned as "forcing beliefs"...

I think you should not assume that just because I have a vastly different opinion than you, that I am trying to judge you or not respect your beliefs or choices. I can fully see the benefits of marrying for money and there are many great points here on this subject, but I do not have to agree that it would be good for me personally.

SarahTime
07-29-2013, 03:49 PM
which is why you should post more in these sections

Being told that I don't respect people and I'm forcing my beliefs onto others is exactly why I DON'T post in these sections very often.

No matter what I say or how I say it, the fact that I have a much different set of beliefs than most on this forum, gets me pinned as "not respecting opinions" and all that other stuff without me actually having said anything to be disrespectful or push my beliefs on others....

Kellydancer
07-29-2013, 04:12 PM
Being told that I don't respect people and I'm forcing my beliefs onto others is exactly why I DON'T post in these sections very often.

No matter what I say or how I say it, the fact that I have a much different set of beliefs than most on this forum, gets me pinned as "not respecting opinions" and all that other stuff without me actually having said anything to be disrespectful or push my beliefs on others....

Yeah I get that all the time too and was warned about it. Apparently because I am far more conservative than most that conservative views are not always allowed. It's funny because if someone more liberal (I don't mean politically but sexually)says something we are supposed to accept it but more conservative? oh no, it's not acceptable. It annoys me. The people who claim we judge are judging us as well.

charlie61
07-29-2013, 04:16 PM
Yeah I get that all the time too and was warned about it. Apparently because I am far more conservative than most that conservative views are not always allowed. It's funny because if someone more liberal (I don't mean politically but sexually)says something we are supposed to accept it but more conservative? oh no, it's not acceptable. It annoys me. The people who claim we judge are judging us as well.

Let's drop this issue.

This board DOES accept conservatism. What it doesn't accept is relentlessly shoving opinions down other peoples' throats to the point where entire threads get derailed.

Back on topic, please.

Kellydancer
07-29-2013, 04:18 PM
This thread is not about that at all...however, you do bring up some good points. You just do not like this subject and that is okay. I just was not raised in that manner which romance is everything. Frankly, that would be quite foolish for someone from my background and culture to even be raised to think that marriage is about romantic and love.I am happy that I am not a romantic. I mean to me it is quite judgemental for you to say some of things you said. Also you need to understand that not everyone was raised like you. You just never thought outside of the box and I was not just talking about looks or just money. I was talking about marriage in a way in which you never thought of before and asking other women what their thoughts are. Personally, I did not believe in getting married for romantic love because love fades however if this marriage is based on friendship,loyalty, and respect than how can you judge....but you must understand if for centuries something has worked why should I changed it. I never wanted to married a man for love...that is how I was raised and how I grew up. Not only that it is quite wonderful for me to grow up without my parents or grandparents loving each other...their happiness was never my concern only if they were good parents and grandparents. They took care of my needs and wants .However, I will never knock other women if they want to married for love. I think that is great but I will never judge them or talk down to them for it. Personally, I would never married for love and never of dream of marrying for love. But that is me and you are you. People are different...

Exactly how was anything I said judgmental? no, women shouldn't be marrying with this idea the man has money because money can be fleeting. Personally it shows a lack of morals when people marry simply for money. It used to be women married doctors because of his money now they become doctors. Why marry if you don't love the person?


Once again, that is great for you but you act like everyone must follow this Western fairytale way of thinking. First of you must understand that not everyone is raised in the same way even if they are born in America. Secondly, Sarah and you are raised differently than some of the girls on here such as me. While love and romance is something you dream about...that is not for everyone nor should you try to force your beliefs on others who do not come from your culture or belief system. I mean I am glad you post your beliefs however it seems like you did not want to respect others beliefs when it comes to this subject.

Being raised to work for what one wants on their own is how people should be raised. Being raised to use people for money (and that's what this is)is not something I would want any daughter of mine to think. I'm not trying to push my beliefs on others (and that makes no sense)but why would I want to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves enough to work for what they want instead of using their looks (and looks are fleeting).

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 04:19 PM
There's so many good points on this thread!

I'm not talking about like "in love" omg puppies and unicorns and every day is amazing type of love. You DEFINITELY need more than just love to make it work. I've been married 7 years today and it's not been easy and some times I don't feel "in love" but I know that we still love each other and that is important. Being "in love" comes and goes.

I think the initial question of this thread made it sound like you would consider marrying JUST for money. It gave me the impression that you didn't even really have to LIKE the guy, maybe tolerate him... but that money would be the only requirement. You need many things to make a marriage work but I do think that having a deeper connection, call it "love" or whatever else, is needed to make it work for the long term.



I'm not really sure where you are getting that I do not respect other beliefs, or how others are raised, or where others come from.

Can you please tell me what I've said that indicates that I am forcing my beliefs onto others? Or what I said that showed disrespect for others?

I've shared my opinion on the subject, as everyone else has, but I've also stated that I'm not trying to knock down or judge others who are different than myself. There hasn't been anything I said that was like "you shouldn't do this" or "this is bad" is there? Any statements I make are coming from my own beliefs, and are not to say "this is the only way" or "the right way", just that this is the way I would do it. Did you not ask "would you ever marry for money" and "what are your thoughts"? Should I precede every statement I make with some disclaimer about how this is just my opinion and what I personally believe? I didn't think that was necessary in order to not be pinned as "forcing beliefs"...

I think you should not assume that just because I have a vastly different opinion than you, that I am trying to judge you or not respect your beliefs or choices. I can fully see the benefits of marrying for money and there are many great points here on this subject, but I do not have to agree that it would be good for me personally.

No...Sarah, I did not assume that you are forcing your beliefs because we have a different of opinion it is because of maybe the tone in which you are saying it. But please noted that having your opinion is greatly admired and I like your viewpoint even if it is not like mines.

charlie61
07-29-2013, 04:20 PM
These threads always start out as really fun and interesting, and slowly disintegrate into something where only a couple of people are going back-and-forth, and no one else has the patience to read through the crazy-long posts.

Let's try to keep this thread balanced; please avoid dominating the conversation so we can keep this conversation interesting!

Mwah, dahlings :-*

Kellydancer
07-29-2013, 04:21 PM
what kind of "love" are we talking about? IN love, or just love??
my parents also taught me that there is MUCH more to a marriage than love. romantic love i mean. i know they love each other and have been married for 40 years but what kept them together wasn't butterflies and hot sex. it was respect, loyalty, commitment, and their children. i don't think you should get married just because you love somebody."all you need is love"?? fuck no!! you need a lot more than that. i dearly loved my sons father and i still love him to an extent but i cannot have him in my life. you need stability for your children and yourself, a man who is generous, thoughtful, caring, financially stable, etc. i love my boyfriend, but its not a high school, omg-you-make-my-knees-weak kinda love. i would like that sure, but i know he is a good man and i can trust him. he's good to me and my son, and i am secure living with him.
as far as marrying JUST for money to somebody you cannot stand, i wouldn't recomment it. but if you respect them, have shared interests, and you can grow to love them, then sure.
what im saying is, i totally understand not marrying just for love. its a legal contract, so its best to use your brain instead of your heart and pussycat lol. if you can find a man who you are absolutely head over heels for, who is also stable and trustworthy and good at heart, then i envy you!! i've never had such luck.

I agree. When I talk about love I don't mean "oh he's hot" because like looks that is fleeting. I'm talking love, as in that person will be with me through thick and thin. If I get cancer I want him to go with me to my cancer treatments and accept me being bald for example. Someone who is a friend as well as a lover. Too many people miss the point that friends first in dating is so more important then we wonder why people have messed up relationships.

charlie61
07-29-2013, 04:28 PM
No it doesn't. There have been people here who have tried to attack more conservative views as judgmental. I've seen some pretty judgmental things here against more conservative people as well. Both sides say judgmental things.

This ends here; I'm going to start issuing infractions. Let's get back on track and keep the conversation balanced with others' opinions.

Edited to add: I have not deleted any posts in this thread; if posts are missing, it's because other members have deleted their own posts. I'm not Big Brother; just here to keep things on track. :)

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 04:42 PM
This was a great thread everyone and I am quite happy at all the helpful tips I have gotten. I enjoyed everyone's opinion.

tuesdaymarie
07-29-2013, 04:44 PM
OP, I'm glad you've explained more about your history and what you want in a marriage. In your first post, I kind of filled in the blanks how I wanted it to be, but when I reread it, I realized it did kind of sound like you wanted to marry just to use a guy. But reading more of your posts, it seems like you're interested in having a mutually beneficial relationship, one of your biggest priorities is financial security, and you aren't looking to hustle someone into this arrangement. To me, even if that's not the ideal Western notion, it's respectable and sensible.

Growing up watching my mother depend on partners for money made me incapable of being content to be "taken care of" by a man. But in your case, I think you're coming into the situation with a better head on your shoulders than what I witnessed. I don't think there's anything morally repugnant about marrying for reasons other than love, and I think the people who do get married for love and stay in love are incredibly lucky. I just would advise you to not be an idle person even if you are taken care of, you know? Acquire skills, connections, and experiences as often as you can. Unfortunately, you can't know what the future holds, so always be ready to land on your own feet.

SarahTime
07-29-2013, 04:44 PM
No...Sarah, I did not assume that you are forcing your beliefs because we have a different of opinion it is because of maybe the tone in which you are saying it. But please noted that having your opinion is greatly admired and I like your viewpoint even if it is not like mines.

Thank you, I think my tone is often mistaken when it is a different opinion. I meant no judgment or disrespect. I learned a long time ago that I can't change the minds of other people so I quit trying. :) Everyone has their own background, beliefs, opinions, so to each their own.

Kellydancer
07-29-2013, 04:48 PM
Personally, I don't care how someone lives, but marrying for money is a bad idea. Some of you are young and think you'll be young forever but you won't. Nothing is ever the same. I have friends who married with the idea of being housewives (though they did marry for love)and guess what? ALL are divorced and now they are unskilled and because they have been out of the workforce they are uneducated and now older. I could never marry a man who didn't consider me his equal.

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 04:49 PM
Actually, TuesdayMarie, that first post was just something simple because I wanted to know others opinions. All of you girls have gave me some great insight into this issue. Thank you for your encouraging words and insight into this rarely talked about matter.

GlamourRouge
07-29-2013, 07:03 PM
Personally, I don't care how someone lives, but marrying for money is a bad idea. Some of you are young and think you'll be young forever but you won't. Nothing is ever the same. I have friends who married with the idea of being housewives (though they did marry for love)and guess what? ALL are divorced and now they are unskilled and because they have been out of the workforce they are uneducated and now older. I could never marry a man who didn't consider me his equal.

Just because someone marries for money doesn't mean they hate the person or don't get along. You could marry for money and still get along or perhaps even like the person. A friendship marriage is probably better than a romantic one anyway, because romance fades. It always does. Honestly, no one stays in love and attracted to their partner for their entire lives anyway. You go through phases in LTRs.

And just because you marry for money doesn't mean that you don't have any skills. Plus, if you're smart enough to land marrying for money, chances are you stashed some away or you're attractive enough to go (back?) to sexwork if you need a job.

Kellydancer
07-29-2013, 08:12 PM
Just because someone marries for money doesn't mean they hate the person or don't get along. You could marry for money and still get along or perhaps even like the person. A friendship marriage is probably better than a romantic one anyway, because romance fades. It always does. Honestly, no one stays in love and attracted to their partner for their entire lives anyway. You go through phases in LTRs.

And just because you marry for money doesn't mean that you don't have any skills. Plus, if you're smart enough to land marrying for money, chances are you stashed some away or you're attractive enough to go (back?) to sexwork if you need a job.

I think you need friendship in a marriage and that is the core. However, marrying strictly for money tells me that person is likely marrying because that person has money and only because they have money. This is a bad idea. I can't imagine most women marrying strictly for money are all that smart because a smart person would look at all aspects and I rarely see that in these situations. Instead they think they will have their looks forever and never have to work again and this is very untrue. As for being pretty enough to go back it depends but if they are say in their 50's and are dumped for a younger model (and this happens a lot)then they are probably screwed.

The smart thing that truly smart pretty women do is stash away their money and develop other skills in the event they lose their looks (and many do lose them early such as a car accident). I've known many strippers who danced later in life because they had no skills and I wouldn't recommend people being like them. I've known strippers like Melonie who were smart with their money and this is what I recommend but I don't see this situation often.

GlamourRouge
07-29-2013, 08:45 PM
I think you need friendship in a marriage and that is the core. However, marrying strictly for money tells me that person is likely marrying because that person has money and only because they have money. This is a bad idea. I can't imagine most women marrying strictly for money are all that smart because a smart person would look at all aspects and I rarely see that in these situations. Instead they think they will have their looks forever and never have to work again and this is very untrue. As for being pretty enough to go back it depends but if they are say in their 50's and are dumped for a younger model (and this happens a lot)then they are probably screwed.

The smart thing that truly smart pretty women do is stash away their money and develop other skills in the event they lose their looks (and many do lose them early such as a car accident). I've known many strippers who danced later in life because they had no skills and I wouldn't recommend people being like them. I've known strippers like Melonie who were smart with their money and this is what I recommend but I don't see this situation often.

Financial security, like any other quality, is a quality in a mate that turns some people on. Like some people just get off to that, and prioritize that. I don't see anything wrong with that. Its better to marry for money than it is for looks, because you already know those won't be around forever... but money just might be.

You're not screwed if you're 50 and you are left for a younger woman. That's when you either find a new mate or get a (new) job. Its not a big deal.

Kellydancer
07-29-2013, 09:25 PM
Financial security, like any other quality, is a quality in a mate that turns some people on. Like some people just get off to that, and prioritize that. I don't see anything wrong with that. Its better to marry for money than it is for looks, because you already know those won't be around forever... but money just might be.

You're not screwed if you're 50 and you are left for a younger woman. That's when you either find a new mate or get a (new) job. Its not a big deal.

Wanting someone with financial security is NOT the same thing as marrying someone simply because they have money. People who are financially stable should be doing that. I wouldn't marry someone who is broke because I'm not. However, that is different than marrying because that person is too lazy to actually work for what they want. My assistant at church is going to school to become a doctor. Sure she probably could marry a doctor but she wants to be successful herself. What kind of job can a 50 year old woman get when she is unskilled? maybe fast food or retail or a job like that. That's why it makes sense to have a skill and to better one's self instead of marrying someone because they have money because no, the money may not last forever either or the one with money may get bored. Get a new mate? Doubt that 50 year old woman would get another rich husband. Why when he can have a 25 year old?

Motor City Sweetheart
07-29-2013, 09:46 PM
OP, please keep in mind your actual worth. I bet you are worth millions! But you are also worth the love, respect, romance, sensuality, equality, joy, and challenges that come with a true partnership.


I appreciate all of the different points of view in this thread. Hopefully these comments will help you choose the best path for yourself. All the love in the world to you, girl! :heartbeat

charlie61
07-29-2013, 10:35 PM
OP, please keep in mind your actual worth. I bet you are worth millions! But you are also worth the love, respect, romance, sensuality, equality, joy, and challenges that come with a true partnership.

Preach, sistah. It's all about quality of life. And everyone prioritizes things differently (money, love, respect, independence, etc.).

It should also be mentioned that once someone has a child, everything changes. Personal happiness often gets moved to the backburner. You do what you have to do to ensure a safe and happy future for your child, even if that means sacrificing your own immediate, absolute happiness.

DonaDiabla
07-29-2013, 11:17 PM
OP, please keep in mind your actual worth. I bet you are worth millions! But you are also worth the love, respect, romance, sensuality, equality, joy, and challenges that come with a true partnership.


I appreciate all of the different points of view in this thread. Hopefully these comments will help you choose the best path for yourself. All the love in the world to you, girl! :heartbeat

That is so sweet of you, Motor City Sweetheart, thank you so much :)

Flickdreams
07-30-2013, 04:24 AM
^ Actually, my mum is in her early 60's and at least 3 wealthy men have pursued her (she felt no romantic inclination toward them so broke off each time).

I appreciate that some men will prefer younger women but the world is NOT a place of absolutes, not all men are like the ones that you met through your online dating experiences KellyD.

Each person has the right to live their life as they see fit and children grow up to make their own life choices. Also I am not the sum total of the relationship between my parents.

MyButter
07-30-2013, 06:27 AM
^*shrugs* Sometimes there are some pretty heavy motivators that drive us to make the decisions we do.

Kellydancer
07-30-2013, 11:35 AM
^ Actually, my mum is in her early 60's and at least 3 wealthy men have pursued her (she felt no romantic inclination toward them so broke off each time).

I appreciate that some men will prefer younger women but the world is NOT a place of absolutes, not all men are like the ones that you met through your online dating experiences KellyD.

Each person has the right to live their life as they see fit and children grow up to make their own life choices. Also I am not the sum total of the relationship between my parents.

I can't imagine most wealthy men want a woman who is not hot unless they aren't superficial. However, I would assume most men who know a woman is marrying him because he is wealthy wants a hot woman and I can't blame him. It's a trade off and if I were him I would want the most for my money. Being pursued by a wealthy man is different than intentionally seeking out wealthy men. I am aware that there are all kinds of men out there, I have dated a few (including wealthy)but I still think there is something wrong with a woman who only seeks out a wealthy man. Women need to support themselves.

DonaDiabla
07-30-2013, 11:49 AM
Sank. You.

I feel like it's a wholllle 'nother ballgame when you have a child.
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*warning: I iz typing on my Nook because utilizing one of the 'puters for this discussion seems like a terrible idea; so sorry in advance for poor spelling*

I genuinely like to believe that I would've never pursued this sort of relationship if I were childless. And honestly, it doesn't come down to a matter of me being too lazy/stupid to provide for myself and my child-it was plausible and I did it for a while, but frankly not only was it extremely exhausting-but it got to the point where I was relying on my babysitter to raise her because I was always at work. Which made me feel awful.

I mean, one trip to the doctor can decimate a week's worth of work. Raising a child is pretty darn expensive. So even though I was making enough to support us, I was never able to get ahead--which I guess is life for you. And yeah, I could've bettered mahself through going to school, but that would've meant sacrificing the very limitee time i had with her to actually focus on school and I just couldn't. A copout? Perhaps, but I just couldn't do it, man.

It was the fastest, easiest method of acquiring what I desperately desired at that particular time.

MyButter, you did what was best your child at that time.

Optimist
07-31-2013, 03:18 PM
Once again, that is great for you but you act like everyone must follow this Western fairytale way of thinking. First of you must understand that not everyone is raised in the same way even if they are born in America. Secondly, Sarah and you are raised differently than some of the girls on here such as me. While love and romance is something you dream about...that is not for everyone nor should you try to force your beliefs on others who do not come from your culture or belief system. I mean I am glad you post your beliefs however it seems like you did not want to respect others beliefs when it comes to this subject.

DonaDiabla, you asked specifically for other members to share their thoughts on the subject and their specific experiences. That's what everybody has been doing. Now you are changing your expectations from a general, theoretical discussion of this notion, to a specific desire to have people write in and agree/support your choice to marry for money. KD, Sarahtime and the rest, aren't judging YOU. You asked for a discussion of the subject, not you. If you want to start a thread asking for advice or support in your choice, you can do that. We're happy to jump in and help where we can but don't bait the people with one topic then switch it and get mad. A little rephrasing would go a long way so we know you don't want a pro vs con debate. We'll understand you've already made the decision to do it and just need support.


Hey ladies, I was just wondering if any of you would get married for money or have gotten married for money? The reason why I asked is that since I was a little girl I wanted to get married for money. I had came close a few times but something always happen. Now I feel like I am ready for getting married for pure financial reasons. Tell me your thoughts on the subject?:)

DonaDiabla
07-31-2013, 04:38 PM
DonaDiabla, you asked specifically for other members to share their thoughts on the subject and their specific experiences. That's what everybody has been doing. Now you are changing your expectations from a general, theoretical discussion of this notion, to a specific desire to have people write in and agree/support your choice to marry for money. KD, Sarahtime and the rest, aren't judging YOU. You asked for a discussion of the subject, not you. If you want to start a thread asking for advice or support in your choice, you can do that. We're happy to jump in and help where we can but don't bait the people with one topic then switch it and get mad. A little rephrasing would go a long way so we know you don't want a pro vs con debate. We'll understand you've already made the decision to do it and just need support.

I understand,Optimist, this was my first thread of this kind and my feelings had changed during it. When I made the first post....I wanted to talk about this subject but was not to sure the proper way of going about it. Optimist,;D I was not getting mad...we just had a difference of opinion and it got a little passionate. :D:D But the post got back on track after that. This was not really to support or not support my decision, actually. I was on debating this decision and during this thread I made it. So I was not getting mad....I was just stating my opinion and they stated theirs. I was not or even trying bait anyone. I thanked MyButter because she actually did that and I admired her for it. I felt it was positive and the ladies reactions was positive even if we had a difference of opinion. Everyone sticked to their beliefs and gave me their honest opinions. During this thread, I learned to explain more about the subject matter I post before posting or starting a thread. So it will not happen again, I will explain more clearly next time. But thank you for your imput, Optimist;D

Optimist
08-01-2013, 08:32 PM
I understand,Optimist, this was my first thread of this kind and my feelings had changed during it. When I made the first post....I wanted to talk about this subject but was not to sure the proper way of going about it. Optimist,;D I was not getting mad...we just had a difference of opinion and it got a little passionate. :D:D But the post got back on track after that. This was not really to support or not support my decision, actually. I was on debating this decision and during this thread I made it. So I was not getting mad....I was just stating my opinion and they stated theirs. I was not or even trying bait anyone. I thanked MyButter because she actually did that and I admired her for it. I felt it was positive and the ladies reactions was positive even if we had a difference of opinion. Everyone sticked to their beliefs and gave me their honest opinions. During this thread, I learned to explain more about the subject matter I post before posting or starting a thread. So it will not happen again, I will explain more clearly next time. But thank you for your imput, Optimist;D

Glad to hear it! As you interact here and on other forums it gets easier and easier. Sometimes you have to start multiple threads to address different things. Feel free to do so. There's no such thing as posting too much. If the ladies/gents aren't interested, they'll quietly move on, no harm, no foul. But frankly, we love to talk and chew things over so it's rare to get no response. Let me know if things get heated. I came super late to this thread thinking it would be easy peasy and it went a bit pear shaped, but no big deal. Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Personally, I think either option is viable. It's truly a matter of personal preference and what matters to you now may not matter 10 years down the road. So, as so many others have said, do protect yourself financially by putting money aside, making sure you are added onto property/business ownership. Marriage is a contract and was a tool used for financial and social protection/promotion. Ain't nothin' wrong with that as long as you're clear with each other. I've never been married but have had ltr that were for love and for money and each were quite satisfying and helped me grow in different ways. i have no regrets or complaints. Ideally, I'd marry for both, but then, who wouldn't! ;D

Optimist
08-01-2013, 08:32 PM
I understand,Optimist, this was my first thread of this kind and my feelings had changed during it. When I made the first post....I wanted to talk about this subject but was not to sure the proper way of going about it. Optimist,;D I was not getting mad...we just had a difference of opinion and it got a little passionate. :D:D But the post got back on track after that. This was not really to support or not support my decision, actually. I was on debating this decision and during this thread I made it. So I was not getting mad....I was just stating my opinion and they stated theirs. I was not or even trying bait anyone. I thanked MyButter because she actually did that and I admired her for it. I felt it was positive and the ladies reactions was positive even if we had a difference of opinion. Everyone sticked to their beliefs and gave me their honest opinions. During this thread, I learned to explain more about the subject matter I post before posting or starting a thread. So it will not happen again, I will explain more clearly next time. But thank you for your imput, Optimist;D

Glad to hear it! As you interact here and on other forums it gets easier and easier. Sometimes you have to start multiple threads to address different things. Feel free to do so. There's no such thing as posting too much. If the ladies/gents aren't interested, they'll quietly move on, no harm, no foul. But frankly, we love to talk and chew things over so it's rare to get no response. Let me know if things get heated. I came super late to this thread thinking it would be easy peasy and it went a bit pear shaped, but no big deal. Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Personally, I think either option is viable. It's truly a matter of personal preference and what matters to you now may not matter 10 years down the road. So, as so many others have said, do protect yourself financially by putting money aside, making sure you are added onto property/business ownership. Marriage is a contract and was a tool used for financial and social protection/promotion. Ain't nothin' wrong with that as long as you're clear with each other. I've never been married but have had ltr that were for love and for money and each were quite satisfying and helped me grow in different ways. i have no regrets or complaints. Ideally, I'd marry for both, but then, who wouldn't! ;D

girl1015
08-07-2013, 03:02 AM
I'm pretty old school when it comes to this subject.A man is supposed to PROTECT,SUPPORT and PROVIDE,if he can't do those three things then you're better off alone.Yes I would marry for money as long as he wasn't hideous or unbearable to live with.Women who marry solely for love usually regret it in the end because they have wasted their youth on a brokeass and have nothing to show for it. :-\

spoiledivy
08-07-2013, 05:34 AM
I almost got married a few years ago so a guy could stay in the states and his fam was going to pay me... It'd be nice to have a privileged life

lemiwinks31
08-07-2013, 10:11 AM
Hey ladies, I was just wondering if any of you would get married for money or have gotten married for money? The reason why I asked is that since I was a little girl I wanted to get married for money. I had came close a few times but something always happen. Now I feel like I am ready for getting married for pure financial reasons. Tell me your thoughts on the subject?:)

Seems to me that would be like a job. Except that it is 24/7. Your shift never ends.

Aurora14
08-07-2013, 10:18 AM
I think that if you are going to marry for money, you need to at least have a certain affection for the person. I believe in many types of love. A totally loveless marriage will always eventually fail. I believe a person needs to be best friends with the person they marry.

*Is this person a wonderful travel companion?
Why go on vacation to a great spot if you have to go alone or be bored because they are wanting to do nothing you want to do.

*Are they willing to pay for things to improve your life?
It may be school, wine tastings, gallery shows, even plastic surgery, but it you absolutely want to do it you should have the opporitunity.

*Does he treat you right?
Money doesn't mean he can hit or verbally abuse someone. If children become involved this rings even more true.

*Are you on the same page with procreating?
He may want tons of kids and you want non,e or the other way around. If you aren't totally a nurturing type, is he willing to get a nanny to help out?

My SO and I got together when he was working part time at Wal Mart, but I knew he had potential because he takes after his father. (His father literally worked his way from the bottom of the factory totem pole to being the COO.) We had the agreement (as soon as we became serious) that as soon as he had money, I was staying home. We both had the 1950's idea stuck in our heads. While he isn't rich now, he is in a position to double his income in the next 10 years. Right now we are comfortable and I CHOOSE to work. He pays all of our bills. We go on mini vacations when we have a sitter. He WANTS me to get mani/pedis every 2 weeks. He was even going to buy me a BA and lift for Mother's Day until I got pregnant again. In return, I take care of paying bills, care for the house and children, and make sure he has dinner ready when he gets home (most nights).

If something were to happen to him, I'm not above marring for money. Only if the above criteria are met though. I want my children to be taken care of, but I would also like to enjoy it.

DonaDiabla
08-07-2013, 02:36 PM
I'm pretty old school when it comes to this subject.A man is supposed to PROTECT,SUPPORT and PROVIDE,if he can't do those three things then you're better off alone.Yes I would marry for money as long as he wasn't hideous or unbearable to live with.Women who marry solely for love usually regret it in the end because they have wasted their youth on a brokeass and have nothing to show for it. :-\

:D I love your answer :)

Tarasaurusrex
08-07-2013, 07:25 PM
Hey ladies, I was just wondering if any of you would get married for money or have gotten married for money? The reason why I asked is that since I was a little girl I wanted to get married for money. I had came close a few times but something always happen. Now I feel like I am ready for getting married for pure financial reasons. Tell me your thoughts on the subject?:)

Love has all the same symptoms of mental illness and/or addiction. Not that I don't love the high, but the truth is when in love your brain produces excess excitatory neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine. This leads to that "can't live without you feeling", which is actually a compulsion, a compulsion driven by not wanting to let go of the "high" so to speak. So now love becomes akin to OCD - which is debilitating, but pleasurable too, once the compulsion is performed (in this case the compulsion is being around the object of your affections). So, who doesn't love being in love, it's a great feeling, initially! I have been in love and there are those I will always love.....but does that mean they are a healthy choice for me....well is temporary insanity healthy, not really. It is a nice escape though.

Love is attraction and attention and I guess it makes sense that it is so all-consuming, because before modern amenities allowed us to live long enough to propagate our species at our own will, we had better be able to quickly feel and conclude it was the time to.....well not become extinct, so to speak....haha.

I think it's good to get that crazy in love feeling at least once in your life, but, I those are the moments are people who punctuate your life not the ones who complete the sentence, if you understand the metaphor. A marriage should be the sentence, so it would in fact not be a good idea to marry someone you have too many "head over heels" feelings for, because it is hard to be logical when you are in the middle of a chemical nightmare, from a neurological standpoint.

So, marrying for financial, emotional stability, those marriages tend to be the strongest. Now of course, if you are marrying up in finances you must bring something equally important to the table for your partner. You will love that person, not in the "butterflies in your stomach" way perhaps, but you will trust and respect them and that may not be the type of love that one thinks of when they think "soulmates", but it is the kind that is needed.

pushit69
08-08-2013, 12:00 AM
wow love this thread and the input! I feel we are lucky in the fact that we can marry for love or financial reasons! Hasn't always been that way.

ava$
08-08-2013, 02:36 AM
^^I want both, but I realize the true love part is highly difficult if not impossible to find with my standards so Id settle for marrying for money, to a guy that will give me everything I want, help me start up businesses and treat me like a queen, oh and absolutely no prenup, hell yea. I might just fall in love with him after all...ha.:)

Tarasaurusrex
08-08-2013, 06:35 PM
^^I want both, but I realize the true love part is highly difficult if not impossible to find with my standards so Id settle for marrying for money, to a guy that will give me everything I want, help me start up businesses and treat me like a queen, oh and absolutely no prenup, hell yea. I might just fall in love with him after all...ha.:)

LOL....stability does have a certain allure that six-packs cant compete with.....

cherryblossomsinspring
08-11-2013, 01:00 PM
Love has all the same symptoms of mental illness and/or addiction. Not that I don't love the high, but the truth is when in love your brain produces excess excitatory neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine. This leads to that "can't live without you feeling", which is actually a compulsion, a compulsion driven by not wanting to let go of the "high" so to speak. So now love becomes akin to OCD - which is debilitating, but pleasurable too, once the compulsion is performed (in this case the compulsion is being around the object of your affections). So, who doesn't love being in love, it's a great feeling, initially! I have been in love and there are those I will always love.....but does that mean they are a healthy choice for me....well is temporary insanity healthy, not really. It is a nice escape though.

Love is attraction and attention and I guess it makes sense that it is so all-consuming, because before modern amenities allowed us to live long enough to propagate our species at our own will, we had better be able to quickly feel and conclude it was the time to.....well not become extinct, so to speak....haha.

I think it's good to get that crazy in love feeling at least once in your life, but, I those are the moments are people who punctuate your life not the ones who complete the sentence, if you understand the metaphor. A marriage should be the sentence, so it would in fact not be a good idea to marry someone you have too many "head over heels" feelings for, because it is hard to be logical when you are in the middle of a chemical nightmare, from a neurological standpoint.

So, marrying for financial, emotional stability, those marriages tend to be the strongest. Now of course, if you are marrying up in finances you must bring something equally important to the table for your partner. You will love that person, not in the "butterflies in your stomach" way perhaps, but you will trust and respect them and that may not be the type of love that one thinks of when they think "soulmates", but it is the kind that is needed.

Well said. It's funny how much you may actually put up with when you're in that " can't live without you love" phase. It's actually debilitating. I feel that after I got away from said "type of relationships" I realized I was best in relationships where there more companionship+ friendship+ we both have something the other wants, alot in common and a love of the person. It was a different type of emotional connection to the person that I wasn't used to but the relationship lasted alot longer than the ones that burn hot and cool just as fast.

So that is also another reason why marrying for comfort ie wealth makes sense to me. It's not that a love can't be there it's just not that "I can't live with you love". I used to love being in love like that. It would leave me dreamy for hours to the point a whole day would end and I realized I hadn't gotten anything else accomplished. I don't like being out of control of my own mind like that. It's actually terrifying when you've really just become a love zombie. ahaha .

Also the couples that get together in the " can't live without you love" , when one falls out of that deep want, need desire they end up having a hatred for their partner. It's like ugg I can't stand "her/him" being around. Not sure why but all of a sudden it seems that little things seem to bug and annoy the person that no longer wants to be there. Maybe I'm reading into this too much but sometimes thinking about yourself and your needs and being fair in making sure another persons needs are being met leaves some common comfort and common ground. How can you not love someone that is on fair footing with you?

I'm more attracted to men that think about what they can offer rather than trying to convince me on what they desire shouldn't cost them anything for me to give it. You can usually tell right away which man that is.

Tarasaurusrex
08-18-2013, 09:17 AM
I'm more attracted to men that think about what they can offer rather than trying to convince me on what they desire shouldn't cost them anything for me to give it. You can usually tell right away which man that is.

That is a really good rule of thumb! Because so often guys will try to attract you by telling you how attractive you are, etc, etc, which is really them just stating their desires. It's like okay, well what do you bring to the table?

_katarina
08-23-2013, 11:52 PM
I married for love, a man who could have given me dirt for food and I would have thanked him endlessly. A year and a half after our separation and I still love him, although I would not take him back. But love is draining, and there always seems to be one person who cares more. Love is messy, it hurts, and it's time consuming.

If I wasn't a single mother, I would be fine looking for love again, but for my daughter I want the best and the best isn't purchased with love. I'm currently not open to dating anyone without money and lots of it. I would rather put my energy into a man who can satisfy my desire to provide for my daughter than invest my heart into a man who gives me nothing but a few fluttery feelings and a lot of instability.

miss1dancypants
08-24-2013, 08:07 AM
hmm sorry guys i want to add my input but not read what everyone else has said already, this is a LONG ASS THREAD lol...

well i feel like no one is perfect, there is no perfect guy out there, so there is no way you can marry SOLELY for love, and love is never enough, you need more to function and live a happy life BESIDES love. IN FACT, you live live a fully happy and fuctional life ON YOUR OWN, WITHOUT LOVE!!

in addition, i'm not a gold diggger, but i'm sure as hell not gonna support A MAN. i want a manly man, which by definition, wants to take care of his lady and not mooch off of HER money, and can handle a strong independent woman, but wants to take care of her.

i'm not gonna marry a broke ass man, or a guy who isn't at least working hard to become successful. he doesn't have to be there yet, but working towards it. the guy i'm dating now has an architecture degree, owned a really successful construction business, and now is back to school for mechanical engineering because he wants to be "more" than just a construction contractor (even though he made a ton of money).

i am going to marry for love, but i can't love someone who isn't willing to do anything for me, including support me financially. when i get married and have kids, i want to be able to stay home with them and live a very comfortable life. not over the top, but i don't like money being an issue.

so my answer is, yes i'm going to marry for love, and there's no way i could fall in love with a guy who isn't willing to work hard for me to give me the best life he possibly can.

lemiwinks31
08-26-2013, 01:52 PM
hmm sorry guys i want to add my input but not read what everyone else has said already, this is a LONG ASS THREAD lol...

well i feel like no one is perfect, there is no perfect guy out there, so there is no way you can marry SOLELY for love, and love is never enough, you need more to function and live a happy life BESIDES love. IN FACT, you live live a fully happy and fuctional life ON YOUR OWN, WITHOUT LOVE!!

in addition, i'm not a gold diggger, but i'm sure as hell not gonna support A MAN. i want a manly man, which by definition, wants to take care of his lady and not mooch off of HER money, and can handle a strong independent woman, but wants to take care of her.

i'm not gonna marry a broke ass man, or a guy who isn't at least working hard to become successful. he doesn't have to be there yet, but working towards it. the guy i'm dating now has an architecture degree, owned a really successful construction business, and now is back to school for mechanical engineering because he wants to be "more" than just a construction contractor (even though he made a ton of money).

i am going to marry for love, but i can't love someone who isn't willing to do anything for me, including support me financially. when i get married and have kids, i want to be able to stay home with them and live a very comfortable life. not over the top, but i don't like money being an issue.

so my answer is, yes i'm going to marry for love, and there's no way i could fall in love with a guy who isn't willing to work hard for me to give me the best life he possibly can.


I would never want to marry someone who wanted/demanded to be taken care of.