View Full Version : Found out 8 year old daughter and friend taking nude pictures
BlkSharpie
08-30-2013, 12:54 PM
Please forgive me...didnt mean for that to come out so long!
Just that, of all the things Ive done in my life, I really am proud of kiddo, and when I think of her Im really *really* grateful for how she is turning out. She came home from school a bit ago, plopped down next to me to tell me all about her day, asked me how my day was, we talked a bit and she is now in her room doing her homework, and I dont know...I just feel really lucky. Get me on the subject of my daughter and I will not shut up Lol Im just in awe of her awesomeness ;D
eagle2
08-30-2013, 11:48 PM
Your attempt to frame a 15 year old girl's decision to be sexually active as if it is an equally valid and fully informed adult decision is coming off as kind of weird honestly. In fact, I cringed a little when I read your position that "they have a right to be." Do they? I for one don't believe so and cannot condone, as a general matter, 15 year old kids having sex. For all of the reasons stated above, I simply don't think that they are mature enough to make that decision with a clear eye towards the potential consequences. Do you really disagree with this? Are you advocating for a reduction in the age of consent?
I said they have a right to have sex without being degraded. If a 15 year old girl were to one day give in to her temptations, I don't think she should be branded as a "slut". I'm pretty sure age of consent laws only apply to having sex with adults. I don't think it's against the law for two 15 year olds to have sex. In most states, the age of consent is 16, which isn't too far off from 15. I'm not advocating that 15 year old girls should all start going out and having sex. I'm just saying that if they do, they shouldn't be treated like "sluts".
I'm sure your views on teen sex are based far more on your religious beliefs than anything else. In European countries, where people are more forward thinking on such issues, they have far fewer teenage pregnancies, despite having similar levels of sexual activities.
From:
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html
Teens in the United States and Europe have similar levels of sexual activity. However, European teens are more likely than U.S. teens to use contraceptives generally and to use the most effective methods; they therefore have substantially lower pregnancy rates.
And in addressing your nonsensical comment about degrading these kids, this is not a conversation about how adults treat and view children, which you would understand if you were looking at this through a grown-up to child lens. It is about how teens judge each other. Being viewed as the easy lay by her peers is not conducive to a healthy high school experience, which is just one of the many reasons, along with health and pregnancy risks, why I intend to do my job as a father.
What's nonsensical is your belief that just because a teenage girl has sex, she's going to be thought of as "the class pump". I'm sure there are sexually active girls who are able to go through high school without anyone bothering them about it, while other girls who don't have sex but are still harassed for countless other reasons or are called "sluts" anyway.
I think you are far too influenced by your church to look at this issue objectively and to have a respectful conversation, so this is all I'm going to say to you.
rickdugan
08-31-2013, 07:37 AM
Ok eagle, not only have you gone off off the deep end with this, but tbh this is starting to feel a bit creepy now. If you don't think 15 is too young for kids to be having sex, what DO you think is the right cutoff? 14? 13? 12? Younger? Idk, but I'm having trouble watching a grown man vigorously defending the theory of young teens having sex.
With respect to the age of consent, almost half of the states in the U.S. use ages greater than 16. In the state in which I currently reside, it is 18. I'm not sure what the right age really should be, but IMO 15 ain't it and even 16 is pushing it IMHO.
My beliefs are not based upon any religious convictions as I am not very religious. My kids do attend parochial schools, but that has a lot more to do with educational and environmental considerations than anything else. I've already stated my reasons for believing that young teens should not be having sex (maturity, pregnancy risks, etc.), ad nauseum, so go back up and read more slowly if you need to. And as far as reputational considerations, everyone but you seems to understand the fact that kids are cruel and, to this day, will use something like this to label another kid. While this is not my first and foremost consideration with respect to whether I allow my young teen daughters to engage in sex, it is yet another mental health consequence that I intend to spare my daughters from.
This is not an academic study dude, this is the real world where our choices have consequences. As a father, I intend to do what I can to keep my daughters from engaging in certain practices before they are mature enough to do so responsibly. I assume that you are not a father to a young girl. If you were, you might not view running down to the drug store to pick up condoms for your 15 year old daughter's purse as one of your more optimal parental decisions.
This conversation has really taken a bad turn and I'm not going to derail this thread any more. Babybuns, I hope that you got what you were looking for from this thread, even before grown men started debating the merits or teen sex.
RD
BlkSharpie
08-31-2013, 04:25 PM
For what its worth Rick, from reading your views I think that you are jut that average dad who wants to protect your girls. Like you said, you want to spare your daughters the consequences.
I joke with kiddo that since I have to be both mom and dad, I need to conjure up a bit of both roles...so Ive told her when she goes on her first date, I intend to have a weapon ready, have him stand at the end of the dining table while I sit at the head, cleaning my weapon in silence, then look at him menancingly and ask him what his intentions are with my daughter. And when I ask him what time he intends to bring her home, no answer will be good. 10pm... "is that so?" 9pm? "hrmmmm" 8pm? *Silent disapproving stare* 7pm "Good, that gives you an hour...I'll have this put back together by then, and we will be waiting for you to drop her off *ON TIME!*
Ive also told kiddo shes not allowed to have sex til shes 35....to which she retorts back that she would like to start a family before then, and Im all...you can adopt all you want, but youre not having sex!!!
I crack myself up with that hehehe!! But that is kind of my impression of what some dads are like, just super over protective and intimidating when it comes to their girls dating. So I do my "dad mode" thing jokingly, but Im mostly "mom" mode, in that I understand its not totally up to be to decide all this stuff, and like I said, my main thing has been teaching her to behave with respect to herself. In a day and age where kids are having sex in school bathrooms, theres just *no* way I can convince myself Im allowing her to do anything...where theres a will, theres a way...in the heat of the moment, its on on her to do the right thing.
Still wanna get my hands on an M-16 though, since thats the only weapon I know well enough to pull off my dad thing with :D
michele11
08-31-2013, 04:43 PM
Rick what are you going to do to prevent them? This is going to make them rebel. I'm proud to say my daughter is 17 and a virgin and has her first boyfriend for 5 months. He's 18 and a virgin. I do tell her( since she can get pregnant) even though she has no desire to ever have sex. Only maybe when she's married. To please let me know so I can take her and get her on the pill if need be. My mom did it for me when I was 16( yes I had sex at 16) but I was with him for 7 years and after that all my boyfriends were long term. My daughter has extremely good morals but she's a self proclaimed geek so...
michele11
08-31-2013, 04:49 PM
I want to add. I think good communication is key. If your kids are afraid to come to you they won't and who knows what the consequences will be. I'm glad I was able to talk to my mom openly ( yea it grossed me out a bit when I was young) but I'm glad she didn't freak out on me and my mom was pretty strict( I couldn't go on a date until I was 16 and had to be home at midnight) and they had to meet him. I still talk to my mom about everything. I would never think of doing that with my dad though. I just new not to. He's dead now but I'm really glad I could be so open with my mother.
BlkSharpie
08-31-2013, 05:00 PM
Awe! Michele, you know...I was 16 when I got my first bf, and we were together for a year before we had sex. We were such geeks...wed get together and I would do programming while he built computers. His sister would burst into his room screaming "A HA!!!" hoping to catch us doing something :D My sister (who was my guardian by this time) gave me the big talk about safe sex and gave me condoms and all that fun stuff, and my bfs mom was doing the same thing to him...but both of us werent even thinking about it til way later.
My brother in law on the other hand, after my sister talked to me about safe sex decided to tell my bf to forget everything hes ever learned about safe sex...that from now on safe sex means he is to never, ever touch me. My sister freaked out LOL To this day, my first bf is convinced my brother in law hated him, which isnt true...my brother in law thought he was a really great guy. My brother in law gave the same "dont touch her" speech to my ex huband and my bf I was with for 5 years.... I could be 50 and he will still threaten to break the hands and dick off any guy Im dating. Thats a dad for ya :D
simone87
08-31-2013, 05:06 PM
^ i know, what is up with overprotective fathers with daughters? we are all so used to it we don't think about it, but i mean really..they are a lot harder on their boys, and will probably buy them a beer when they lose their virginity, but they act ridiculous when it comes to girls..and why aren't the mothers of girls like that?? i've always found, mothers of boys and fathers of girls are the most protective when it comes to the opposite sex..not a "jealousy" per se,but almost something akin to it. i may get flamed for this, but it seems almost freudian. *shrug* my dad was protective, but not about boys dating me. i just don't get it
BlkSharpie
08-31-2013, 05:21 PM
I know right? its like ingrained in our culture or something really, that fathers are like that. But I can say, in all fairness with my sis and b-i-l, they went from having two toddlers, to bam, a teenaged daughter. And they just really didnt know what to do with me LOL I think they were just terrified for the most part. If nothing else though, they are fair and have treated my nephews the same as they did me, my sister is still good cop, and my brother in law is still terrifying cop :D
michele11
08-31-2013, 05:43 PM
We should start a parenting thread in ladies only. I'd like to write about things but don't wanna take over this thread and don't really want the guys to read it.
BlkSharpie
08-31-2013, 05:55 PM
We should start a parenting thread in ladies only. I'd like to write about things but don't wanna take over this thread and don't really want the guys to read it.
Definitely do! Id be interested...I like parenting, its one of my favorite past-times :D