View Full Version : Sex on the first date?
Jasmine.Doll
10-22-2013, 07:07 AM
^^ So are u in favor of sex on the first night, or not? Sounds like you are, but then you say not to fuck guys who will judge on the first date.... So, how is one supposed to know if they are judgmental b4 you fuck them, if you fuck them on the first night? Not a moral question. Just a practical one.
oldster
10-22-2013, 09:22 AM
It is no surprise that guys will pretty much fuck anyone with a pulse.
Guys will fuck women that they might want to marry, and women that they do not want to marry.
For most intelligent men the amount of time they had to wait to get sex has little to do with whether they want a real relationship.
Most romantic relationships do not last 'forever'. It is easy shorthand to say that a relationship did not work out or did not even start because the woman 'gave it up' too soon.
He wasn't going to call you if you had sex or not, for reasons that you will never understand, and probably he doesn't really either.
So, if you magically knew the guy was not going to call you again, you have only one question left...
Do you want to get laid tonight?
Do you imagine that when you are 99 years old you will look back and say, 'Boy I wish I hadn't had so much sex"
Also,while guys in general do not suffer from their choices in women as much as women suffer from their choices in men, many men do equate sex with affection, and some of the biggest 'chick magnets' I know have expressed frustration with women not taking them seriously....to which I reply Ohhhh poooor baby, that I had such problems.................
Were I in your lovely yet uncomfortable shoes, I would be trying to find a way figure out if a guy was worth bedding, not how long to wait. I do not think it can be figured out conversationally, unless you can find a way to bring up whether he can breathe through his ears in casual conversation..........................
Almost Jaded
10-22-2013, 08:41 PM
Do you imagine that when you are 99 years old you will look back and say, 'Boy I wish I hadn't had so much sex"
LMAO! Best reply ever.
Jasmine.Doll - oh I'm totally DTF. Somewhat infamously so - though I'm really quite picky. My number is surprisingly low considering what a whore I am at heart, LMAO. That said - I would never judge a woman based on that. But then, I'm allergic to hypocrisy, so I couldn't if I wanted to...
lemiwinks31
10-23-2013, 09:27 AM
I am with Trem, Jaded, Oldster.....(once you are adults, teens are a different story.) If you go out on a date, you have a great time, you like the guy you are with, you want to have sex with him, then do it. Be yourself, dont start playing those stupid games...'i want to have sex, but i dont want him to THINK i want to have sex'. You are not being representative of who you really are. You want the guy to like who you REALLY are. If a guy is hypocritical and thinks its OK for him to have 1st date sex, but not OK for you....THAT is the guy you are trying to impress by denying yourself. What trem is saying is that if dont want THAT guy, what does it matter what he thinks?
I had a gf for a while who i didnt have sex with for like a month or 2...but it was because that is who she was, she wasnt comfortable having sex until there was emotional intimacy, which was fine with me. She wasnt faking it to try to fool me.
I met another one nite, we had sex the first nite....and that whole weekend, the date ended up lasting 3 days....we got married a year later......18 years ago, we are still happy as ever, being ourselves..always.
you are not going to lose anyone worth losing by sleeping with him(or not sleeping with him) on the 1st nite.
lestat1
10-24-2013, 08:38 AM
Well if she's willing to go on a date with me her standards are already non-existent, so sex isn't going to change anything.
jack0177057
10-24-2013, 12:05 PM
Well, different guys will react differently to sex on the first date. Just as an example:
Type A Guy - just wants easy no-strings casual sex, period. If he gets sex on the first date, he will think you are similarly minded. He may really like you because sex is like a shared passion or interest, but he is not in love with you, and probably will never be in love with you. If you make him wait: (1) you might weed him out (he wants easy no-string sex, so he will move on to someone else), or (2) maybe (but, very unlikely) his lust and casual interest may evolve into romantic interests. This type of guy will probably react the same (i.e., wants a casual sex relationship) whether he gets sex on the 1st or 10th date (assuming he is still dating you that long). This guy is like the eternal "playboy" or "frat boy".
Type B Guy - puts women into 1 of 2 boxes: (1) the virgin or (2) the "slut". He wants to marry a virgin, but wants to play with "sluts" until he meets his pretty little virgin wife. Sex on the first date means you are a "slut" and a lot of fun to hang out with, but you will not be meeting his parents anytime in this lifetime. He may be very sweet and nice to you, but in his mind, he has already made up his mind that you will not be the mother of his children. Men of certain cultures and religions fit into this type.
Type C Guy - has a old-fashioned, traditional, romantic view of courting women. He wants to court a woman, earn her love, make her feel madly in love with him and burning with lust for him, so that he wins the "prize" which is her heart and sex with her. He wants a challenge. If you give him the "prize" too soon, he may feel like it was too easy and lose interest.
Type D Guy - very insecure guy. Sex on the first date will reveal to him your high libido and free sexual energy. He will enjoy it that night, but it will also intimidate and scare him off, because he is not sure that can adequately satisfy someone like you and/or he is afraid that you will not be faithful to him.
Type E Guy - normal modern "cool" guy to whom it makes no difference when you sleep with him. He will not judge you for sleeping with him on the first date and it will not have any negative effect the course of your relationship.
So really, it depends on what kind of guy you are with, what he is looking for, his level of confidence and security, his level of awareness of normal female sexuality, his stereotypes, myths and fantasies about sex and love.
It also depends what you mean by "first date" - does it mean you just met at club one hour ago, you guys went out on a date for coffee after the club, and now you are at your place or his place having sex?.... Or does it mean you've known him for some time, talked and flirted for several weeks, and finally went out on an date?
Kellydancer
10-24-2013, 06:54 PM
Good points Jack (and btw nice to see you posting again). I noticed most of the men are saying "sex on the first date is no biggie" but it really is for most women (excepting this who want casual sex only). Many of us have been fooled by a guy who claim they really liked us, then dumped us once they got what they wanted. Maybe these guys were not like that but many guys are. There are many stories here (mostly in Ladies Only or Life Support)from women saying they slept with a guy early only to be dumped right away. I do also think the timing of the first date does matter as I mentioned earlier on. A first date with someone I have known for years is different than than a first date of someone I just met. Ironically the one time I got dumped on a first date after sex was by a guy I had known for close to 2 years, we were friends who tried being more and after sex (my first time)he dumped me. I think it's stupid in general to have sex on a first date with someone one doesn't know that well.
jack0177057
10-25-2013, 08:31 AM
^ Thanks Kelly. Personally, I think I am a Type E Guy like most guys that post on this forum. I think sex on the first date is cool, and I would not think any less of a woman if our first date included a lot of passionate sex. On the other hand, the courting phase is a nice phase to go through, even if just for a few weeks, and some people feel that sex means the courting phase is over, because the conquest (or the "hunt" for guys that prefer the "hunter" analogy) is complete. The courting phase is like foreplay - romantic, sensual, exciting and builds up sexual desire to its maximum peak.
Another thing to consider is that, for a woman, sex releases oxytocin in the brain, which can lead to feelings of "pairing" and feelings of attachment. So the issue might be this for a woman: On the first date, do you know the guy and his intentions well enough, and do you trust him enough, to take a step that might make you emotionally vulnerable? Sex and oxytocin may cause you to feel some (from a little to a lot) attachment to him. If you have not dated before, but you've known the guy for some time and you know he is a good decent guy that appreciates and values you, then the answer might be 'yes,' even if it is your first date. But, if you just met him at a club, where he was hitting on every girl in sight, the answer is probably 'no'.
Kellydancer
10-25-2013, 09:23 AM
Exactly. I have no doubt the men in this thread are for the most part are the Type E men who wouldn't judge but sadly many men aren't. I have had men (not men I slept with)tell me about women they were sleeping with but whom they never intended to marry because they wanted a virgin. Some men do think that there are women you sleep with and then there is the woman you marry.
xStacey
10-25-2013, 09:51 AM
Maybe the release of oxytocin explains why I always "fall in love" every time a man gives me amazing sex... Sigh... Lol
oldster
10-25-2013, 09:58 AM
I think what is missing in your descriptions of 'types of men' is the 'relationship' aspect. There is a dynamic between any two people. If a guy takes a girl out and she says "giggle, well, you did spend $37.14 plus tip..." and then lets him fuck her, he is going to think a certain way about her. If she says towards the end of the night, "you know, I like you, I like the way your lips move when you talk, I'm horny as hell, lets go to my place" and then has [wild laughing screaming monkey] sex with him he will think a different way about her.
I have known men who are 'players' and it is not always obvious who they end up with. sometimes it is the good girl, sometimes it is the smart girl, sometimes it is the girl that is so dangerous that she turns the tables on him.
I guess the whole point of my comments on this thread is: dammit, be empowered. You have what 'we' all want, and you are not afraid to use that professionally, why get all meek out in the real world?
You are in charge, act that way!
Just be kind to the poor souls you choose to unleash yourself on, give them a cookie and a pat on the head when you show them to the door..............
Exactly. I have no doubt the men in this thread are for the most part are the Type E men who wouldn't judge but sadly many men aren't. I have had men (not men I slept with)tell me about women they were sleeping with but whom they never intended to marry because they wanted a virgin. Some men do think that there are women you sleep with and then there is the woman you marry.
And that should've been your clue that you want nothing to do with those men. It's really not complicated.
Kellydancer
10-25-2013, 10:51 AM
But these aren't men I slept with or even dated. They were guy friends and many men share their views. You may not but I guarantee many others do.
Jasmine.Doll
10-25-2013, 11:03 AM
My whole issue with this thread is that some of the posters seem to really judge women who choose not to have sex on a first date in order to control someone's perception of her. I don't think it's right to judge a women for choosing to fuck right away or for choosing to wait, regardless of her motivations. I understand why some women prefer to wait. I understand why some women don't. It's cool with me, either way. Just tired of hearing guys criticize women who don't put out, immediately. Just because a chick wants to wait for whatever reason, that doesn't mean she's insecure, desperate or manipulative.
Kellydancer
10-25-2013, 01:01 PM
Exactly Jasmine.
scorpio56
10-25-2013, 01:45 PM
Exactly. I have no doubt the men in this thread are for the most part are the Type E men who wouldn't judge but sadly many men aren't. I have had men (not men I slept with)tell me about women they were sleeping with but whom they never intended to marry because they wanted a virgin. Some men do think that there are women you sleep with and then there is the woman you marry.
If it's any consolation, not all men who want a virgin have that mindset and double standard. I stayed a virgin well into my thirties because I hoped to find a virgin to marry. Didn't work out that way, but I have no regrets for having done so and for maintaining my consistency and integrity.
carmen_b
10-25-2013, 02:10 PM
I make it easy on myself. Sex is for men who are already an excellent boyfriend. No boyfriend status = no chance at sex. I only want to see men who are serious about having a relationship so if they aren't " sure " they want one, I'm already moving on .
jack0177057
10-25-2013, 03:40 PM
My whole issue with this thread is that some of the posters seem to really judge women who choose not to have sex on a first date in order to control someone's perception of her. I don't think it's right to judge a women for choosing to fuck right away or for choosing to wait, regardless of her motivations. I understand why some women prefer to wait. I understand why some women don't. It's cool with me, either way. Just tired of hearing guys criticize women who don't put out, immediately. Just because a chick wants to wait for whatever reason, that doesn't mean she's insecure, desperate or manipulative.
In my opinion, the guys who are most likely to resent no sex on the first date are the guys who are looking for casual recreational sex and are not looking for a deeper more meaningful relationship. To this type of guy, a date without sex is like going to a tennis court to play tennis and you show up with a beautiful tennis outfit and racket, but you sit on the bench and refuse to play with him. Sex is a sport (or recreational activity) to them and they don't get why you don't want to play with them and they take it personally.
On the other hand, if a guy is really interested in a deeper more serious relationship, he knows that it is a journey that takes time and effort, and has several phases and levels of progression. He does not mind going through a courting phase before getting to the sex phase. The courting phase works on the psychology of both the guy and the girl. The guy is putting a lot of effort into the courting and it reinforces the idea that the girl is special and worthy of all his effort. The more effort he puts into it, the more he values "getting the girl" (unless, his interest is shallow and short-lived). The girl enjoys the courting, obviously, because of the attention she gets, and the effort he puts into the courting makes her feel valued, appreciated and prized. Of course, in our modern times, a "long" courtship is probably about 3 to 4 weeks, so if it takes longer than that, the guy may consider the courtship a failure and move on.
There are men and women who think the whole courtship concept is old-fashioned, sexist, and absolete, so they may disagree with me on this.
Kellydancer
10-25-2013, 04:32 PM
If it's any consolation, not all men who want a virgin have that mindset and double standard. I stayed a virgin well into my thirties because I hoped to find a virgin to marry. Didn't work out that way, but I have no regrets for having done so and for maintaining my consistency and integrity.
There's nothing wrong with staying a virgin. I had a friend who stayed a virgin until he got married at 34. I respect that in people. I just have a problem with people who expect virgins while they sleep around. I'm not a virgin but if I was I would prefer one over an experienced guy. In fact I do prefer men who are less experienced.
Kellydancer
10-25-2013, 04:38 PM
In my opinion, the guys who are most likely to resent no sex on the first date are the guys who are looking for casual recreational sex and are not looking for a deeper more meaningful relationship. To this type of guy, a date without sex is like going to a tennis court to play tennis and you show up with a beautiful tennis outfit and racket, but you sit on the bench and refuse to play with him. Sex is a sport (or recreational activity) to them and they don't get why you don't want to play with them and they take it personally.
On the other hand, if a guy is really interested in a deeper more serious relationship, he knows that it is a journey that takes time and effort, and has several phases and levels of progression. He does not mind going through a courting phase before getting to the sex phase. The courting phase works on the psychology of both the guy and the girl. The guy is putting a lot of effort into the courting and it reinforces the idea that the girl is special and worthy of all his effort. The more effort he puts into it, the more he values "getting the girl" (unless, his interest is shallow and short-lived). The girl enjoys the courting, obviously, because of the attention she gets, and the effort he puts into the courting makes her feel valued, appreciated and prized. Of course, in our modern times, a "long" courtship is probably about 3 to 4 weeks, so if it takes longer than that, the guy may consider the courtship a failure and move on.
There are men and women who think the whole courtship concept is old-fashioned, sexist, and absolete, so they may disagree with me on this.
This reminds me a lot of online and the men I met doing that. The guys looking for a relationship didn't even try to kiss me on the first date. The guys looking for sex kept asking sex questions or trying to get grabby. When I said I don't rush into it they lost interest. The fact that a lot of men overlook is the woman pays a bigger price if she rushes in too early. She could become pregnant then what? a decent man would stick by her but the problem is many men aren't decent. She's more likely to get sexually transmitted diseases.
pinups4
10-27-2013, 04:26 PM
Well if she's willing to go on a date with me her standards are already non-existent, so sex isn't going to change anything.
This is me
pinups4
10-27-2013, 04:32 PM
Well if she's willing to go on a date with me her standards are already non-existent, so sex isn't going to change anything.
This is me