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carmen_b
03-09-2022, 09:53 PM
Thanks for replying and chatting !
Things WERE going AWESOME overall .
No relationship is perfect. There are glitches obviously.
I lay it all out on this site ha.
:/
Then I noticed this morning his ex was a friend on FB suddenly ( no discussion ).

I am LIVID and don't want to be near him.
I guess the entire time 8:20 a.m. - 8:30 p.m. he " didn't have time to think " about things .....

FB ( in particular ) does trigger me . In 2018 the person I was with for 7 years was using it to chit chat with their ex. I knew they had added each other as friends but I didn't say anything because I honestly thought it would be a passing phase or maybe that a mutual friend had died !

It isn't so much adding even ( or supposedly just not doing anything when she resurfaced ) as that there was no discussion about it.


sorry I didn’t catch this? What happened? I thought you all were doing good, or is this just a glitch. All I have to say is I think it takes tremendous courage to be in a relationship. The people you love will trigger the fuck out of you!

moneybags
03-09-2022, 10:12 PM
^^^yeah. After the betrayal I’ve been through it would upset me too. He may be shutting down because he feels overwhelmed. Im not saying it’s healthy, but a lot of men do withdrawal from conflict. I’m like you. I’d rather just hash it out and deal with it. It’s not healthy to avoid conflict in the long run. I hope he wasn’t up no good, but I see a thirsty ex friend requesting him and him being a dumb guy accepting it without thinking about how it would make you feel. Guys are idiots sometimes.

carmen_b
03-09-2022, 10:28 PM
^ They are co-parents ( his 9 year old daughter that he has 40% of the time ). They talk often. There is no reason to have a social media connection.
It's also confusing to aquaintences ( I assume ) because she kept his name. I just don't personally like how it looks.
I really don't have a problem with her. She is who gives me so much adults only time and their full divorce agreement / schedule was in place before I met him .
I just was not ready for social media type connecting ( especially without a heads up ).
My partner pays her A LOT to take care of her own kid ( thank you divorce court in this state ).

We have made the routine work overall. I felt like ( former to this huge flaw in his thinking ) it seemed like we were really making the best out of things.

Thanks for listening.
I'll come back and tone this down / delete some.

charlie61
03-09-2022, 10:55 PM
Carmen, my thoughts...

Did he know that you'd likely see that he friended his ex?

Assuming the answer is yes, then he's intentionally introducing a destabilizing element, something to get your attention or throw you off, make you feel like the relationship isn't as safe as you thought (power play). If the answer is no, then he's likely either bored or wanting attention / validation from people like his ex.

I'd have a different opinion if he were already friends with her prior to your relationship with him, but i think you're right that this is a change that's either a message from him or a sign of something. He made a decision and is clearly digging his heels in.

If i were you, though, i wouldn't be pissed. He's showing you something about himself, and you can adjust your expectations and behaviors accordingly.

Him unfriending her won't undo the fact that he went there in the first place. That decision is revealing, as well as his decision to not immediately make you feel safe again when you expressed discomfort.

Is this retaliation for your health issue / back pain during your last vacation with him?

charlie61
03-09-2022, 11:26 PM
Wanted to say also that i actually completely understand your sentiment about wanting to reward him if he were to unfriend her. This situation has made you feel insecure personally and insecure in your relationship, so i think it's very natural to want to try to restore that security through sexual reward and by showing off your sexual value. I know that sounds like an overly logical way of breaking that down, but i really do get it. I'm asexual, and i feel the same way whenever i feel threatened, even momentarily... like i need to step my game up. But you aren't the issue, and rewarding him sexually wouldn't fix the issue (i know you already know that!).

Keep us updated... ♡

Staci
03-09-2022, 11:32 PM
Carmen -

I guess I see it differently.

I can understand where you are coming from, but for me personally, it would not be a big deal. Maybe he doesn't know that it is triggering you based on your past experience and it doesn't seem like a big deal to him either.

So if he doesn't see it as a big deal - then he wouldn't see a problem with saying 'It's late - let's address this tomorrow", not realizing what an important issue it is for you.

Dreamqueen
03-10-2022, 01:12 AM
A few weeks ago, I had a referral for a mechanic. I called him, but He had covid, so I told him to let me know when he's feeling better.
We spoke today, and set up an appointment for Friday.
Then, the b.s. starts.
I told him I'd have cash, and reminded him that he quoted $75 per canister ( free on for my air conditioning.)
He says that the price went up to $100. Huh?
No.
I go quiet. He says that he'll do it for the original price.
Then he says that he thought he saw me driving in my car last week.
Huh?
He doesn't know what I look like, and he even had the color of my car wrong.:wide-eyed

I'm SO over men and their idiotic, stalkerish ways! Omg! Can't they EVER just be cool? Just for once.
I'm turned off.
I bet that he's to cancel.
Stay tuned.

miss.a.p1600
03-10-2022, 05:51 AM
I don’t even know why I said that.
I think I am just looking for more assurance that I’m not wrong .
He wants to sleep on it v.s. discussing it late.
Not sure about that .....

So ... we just do fucked up things to each other and then not set any time aside to discuss because it's " late "?

I’ve done that on occasion.

I know it’s good not to go to bed angry but I hate having heavy discussions right before bed because then I end up awake at 3am getting only 3 hours of sleep all because of trying to resolve something which makes me more upset if I’m sleep deprived.

miss.a.p1600
03-10-2022, 06:06 AM
sorry I didnÂ’t catch this? What happened? I thought you all were doing good, or are you just venting?

All I have to say is I think it takes tremendous courage to be in a relationship. The people you love will trigger the fuck out of you!

It would be so challenge to be in a relationship. I would get so annoyed so easily.

This is the truth right here.

I think of how my partner has random moments when he is triggered by something I do while IÂ’m just being myself. And then heÂ’ll do something passive aggressive to get me back. IÂ’m like look asshole youÂ’re being immature and petty and when I leave THIS will be one of the reasons why.

He will trigger me when he comes into a quiet house then makes constant noises (shuffling his feet, sucking his teeth, burping loudly, random hollaring, Etc), forcing me to connect with his kids, refusing to improve his career and finances.

ItÂ’s one of the more annoying parts of being in a relationship where theyÂ’re getting triggered and then triggering you.

Like THIS is why I miss being single.

miss.a.p1600
03-10-2022, 06:15 AM
Wanted to say also that i actually completely understand your sentiment about wanting to reward him if he were to unfriend her. This situation has made you feel insecure personally and insecure in your relationship, so i think it's very natural to want to try to restore that security through sexual reward and by showing off your sexual value. I know that sounds like an overly logical way of breaking that down, but i really do get it. I'm asexual, and i feel the same way whenever i feel threatened, even momentarily... like i need to step my game up. But you aren't the issue, and rewarding him sexually wouldn't fix the issue (i know you already know that!).

Keep us updated... ♡

Men are weird creatures because you can think you’re “rewarding” them but what they will do is take the reward, acquiesce for a very short period of time and then go right back to doing things their way.


Carmen, my thoughts...

Did he know that you'd likely see that he friended his ex?

Assuming the answer is yes, then he's intentionally introducing a destabilizing element, something to get your attention or throw you off, make you feel like the relationship isn't as safe as you thought (power play). If the answer is no, then he's likely either bored or wanting attention / validation from people like his ex.

I'd have a different opinion if he were already friends with her prior to your relationship with him, but i think you're right that this is a change that's either a message from him or a sign of something. He made a decision and is clearly digging his heels in.

If i were you, though, i wouldn't be pissed. He's showing you something about himself, and you can adjust your expectations and behaviors accordingly.

Him unfriending her won't undo the fact that he went there in the first place. That decision is revealing, as well as his decision to not immediately make you feel safe again when you expressed discomfort.

Is this retaliation for your health issue / back pain during your last vacation with him?

I was also thinking this same thing. If he knows you can see his activity he may have done this as a passive aggressive way of making you feel uncomfortable like how he perceived you making him uncomfortable about having to readjust his work trip because of your health.

Now if he didn’t know you can see his activity then he is being a bonehead and possibly testing the waters but not in a way that’s intentionally retaliating just crossing boundaries he doesn’t realize exists.

I can’t help but think it’s the former only because the last time you were in pain and he had to adjust he was acting like an ass that time too.

Anyways. Men!

Im sure you’ll get a resolution and talk some sense into him. Take good care of yourself.

whirlerz
03-10-2022, 06:15 AM
Sounds like he's trying to get attention? By making all that noise.. Negative attention, but I guess he figures it better than none.

miss.a.p1600
03-10-2022, 06:33 AM
Also I’m finding that this is one of the problems with divorced men.

They can’t stomach the fact they are not the prize (divorced with kids and exwife = baggage) and they can’t just go out and make you jealous with strange women then it would be obvious so they try to use their ex wives for subtle power plays to inflate their fragile egos.

Like okay sure bud, keep playing around, that ugly loser troll can have you!

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 09:08 AM
I would like to think there is no way he would do that but you and Charlie both thought that!




I was also thinking this same thing. If he knows you can see his activity he may have done this as a passive aggressive way of making you feel uncomfortable like how he perceived you making him uncomfortable about having to readjust his work trip because of your health.

Now if he didn’t know you can see his activity then he is being a bonehead and possibly testing the waters but not in a way that’s intentionally retaliating just crossing boundaries he doesn’t realize exists.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 09:13 AM
I would really like to think he isn't retaliating.
I could totally understand if I whined and bitched about pain and DIDN'T go the Dr. !
I DID go though. I went last week during the trip AND yesterday with my main Dr.
In my follow up yesterday they suspect a displaced rib. That is why I had the sensation that something was " in " my back v.s. just a muscle. I don't really understand how a rib can " travel " but not become broken. The Dr. did an adjustment and I do think it's making a difference.

Maybe he did think I was playing it up because when I explained what my primary care Dr. thought on the visit yesterday he seemed shocked at the rib thing.


Carmen, my thoughts...

Did he know that you'd likely see that he friended his ex?

Assuming the answer is yes, then he's intentionally introducing a destabilizing element, something to get your attention or throw you off, make you feel like the relationship isn't as safe as you thought (power play). If the answer is no, then he's likely either bored or wanting attention / validation from people like his ex.

I'd have a different opinion if he were already friends with her prior to your relationship with him, but i think you're right that this is a change that's either a message from him or a sign of something. He made a decision and is clearly digging his heels in.

If i were you, though, i wouldn't be pissed. He's showing you something about himself, and you can adjust your expectations and behaviors accordingly.

Him unfriending her won't undo the fact that he went there in the first place. That decision is revealing, as well as his decision to not immediately make you feel safe again when you expressed discomfort.

Is this retaliation for your health issue / back pain during your last vacation with him?

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 09:43 AM
Totally agree with all of this!
A simple heads up of " oh the culture may be changing to a more friendly thing and less hate / full separation " would have made a BIG difference.
Simply making me aware of what was going on ahead of time and having a conversation could have changed how I felt about this . It was the feeling that my privacy was compromised and this BIG change happened without my input. That is NOT ok .

I get that men do the " well I'm not going to let her tell me what to do " thing.
BUT c'mon you are protecting a social media link to someone who you claim abandoned you ?
As humans we are wrong sometimes. We do the wrong thing.
So admit it. Then we can move on.


Carmen, my thoughts...

Assuming the answer is yes, then he's intentionally introducing a destabilizing element, something to get your attention or throw you off, make you feel like the relationship isn't as safe as you thought (power play). If the answer is no, then he's likely either bored or wanting attention / validation from people like his ex.

I'd have a different opinion if he were already friends with her prior to your relationship with him, but i think you're right that this is a change that's either a message from him or a sign of something. He made a decision and is clearly digging his heels in.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 10:08 AM
You can go to an auto parts store and try doing your own re-charge of your air. A product like this is the most simple way to try.
https://www.amazon.com/Professional-Synthetic-Conditioning-Refrigerant-Dispenser/dp/B007USCM7E/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Car+AC+Recharge+Kit&qid=1646932072&sr=8-2


A few weeks ago, I had a referral for a mechanic. I called him, but He had covid, so I told him to let me know when he's feeling better.
We spoke today, and set up an appointment for Friday.
Then, the b.s. starts.
I told him I'd have cash, and reminded him that he quoted $75 per canister ( free on for my air conditioning.)
He says that the price went up to $100. Huh?
No.
I go quiet. He says that he'll do it for the original price.
Then he says that he thought he saw me driving in my car last week.
Huh?
He doesn't know what I look like, and he even had the color of my car wrong.:wide-eyed

I'm SO over men and their idiotic, stalkerish ways! Omg! Can't they EVER just be cool? Just for once.
I'm turned off.
I bet that he's to cancel.
Stay tuned.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 10:19 AM
delete

miss.a.p1600
03-10-2022, 10:31 AM
This thing I'm going through has a horrible tone of overall nastiness.
I feel really strongly about it !
He seems to think it's ok to wait until 5 p.m. to discuss.
wtf

^sounds like something I would do.

Just different communication styles.

I hate having serious conversations right now because it means interrupting something I've already got on the books for the day.

Maybe find a good time (in the very near future within 24 hours) where BOTH of you are relaxed and available.


Totally agree with all of this!
A simple heads up of " oh the culture may be changing to a more friendly thing and less hate / full separation " would have made a BIG difference.
Simply making me aware of what was going on ahead of time and having a conversation could have changed how I felt about this . It was the feeling that my privacy was compromised and this BIG change happened without my input. That is NOT ok .

I get that men do the " well I'm not going to let her tell me what to do " thing.
BUT c'mon you are protecting a social media link to someone who you claim abandoned you ?
As humans we are wrong sometimes. We do the wrong thing.
So admit it. Then we can move on.

He doesn't perceive it as a big deal and didn't think he'd need to consult about it and if it was a problem he'd rather ask for forgiveness than ask for permission

The problem is Facebook connections CAN be a big deal to some people and their relationships.

Me personally I don't look at L's Facebook and he doesn't look at mine because I KNOW it will cause problems and I don't even feel like dealing with that shit. My mindset is Don't ask me to friend you, don't tag or @ me, don't complain about pics I post on MY profile, etc. I'm a bit more hardcore about social media though, it's a hassle and can cause problems in relationships. I just have to trust he's not on there doing slick shit. If he is, oh well - that's my fast pass ticket out.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 10:36 AM
^ Maybe. That is one way to look at it I guess.
I just feel really strongly he should make some time earlier.
I waited ALL DAY yesterday and he was " too tired ".

He referenced the eye Dr. and a workout today.
Like ..... one of those things couldn't wait ?

I think you guys are right. Ultimately he MUST BE retaliating for something. I can see some things I "did wrong". For example he was running the Vegas marathon at the end of Feb. and I had a shoot booked with this photographer. I wrapped a couple hours before sunset so I could have been at the finish line BUT I didn't want to fight traffic . He also TOLD me it was ok that I wasn't there. Boy do I regret being honest about just relaxing in the casino after the shoot. Looking back ...... I regret what I did there. I see it was a mistake. Even if it took me 55 min. in traffic I could have at least attempted to give 15-30 min. to see the runnners coming through at the end. I realized it was a mistake and apologized.

I also haven't posted any pictures of the three of us ( J, me, daughter together ) which he might find offensive. I initially did it out of respect for his privacy and then just kind of fell off social media anyway only very occasionally posting a single pic of something interesting.

Plus ..... those ongoing complaints that I'm not " fun enough " you know ?
I TRIED like hell to address that stuff and nip it but I also want to be myself and not be preforming constantly.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 10:39 AM
^ You were right too Miss P about the tagging thing.
I guess she put something up on his wall ( about a care package he delivered when daughter had covid ).
He thought it was " nice ".
So .... I guess she's been there like 3-4 weeks on FB friends and I didn't notice .
I just happened to when I was comparing Washington D.C. posts from us.
We posted totally different things and I was amused by the contrast.

miss.a.p1600
03-10-2022, 10:49 AM
^barf! Just one of the ways the annoying ex-wives can tread those boundaries then mfs be like 'it's all for the kids sake though'.......

I think she's being obnoxious because she could just thank him privately in a text message or have the kid write him a card.

Like really h*e?!? Get a life!!!

Men eat this shit up.

Let one of your exes tag you (then pull the 'well we have a dog/plant/business/etc together')

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 10:53 AM
I know my friend V means well. She is suggesting to " divine feminine " the situation .
But .... how do you just step back when there is a clear fuck you message being sent ?

Like just roll on back and pretend it doesn't bother me ?
Maybe I will .....

She's claims she would not have taken the bait lol.

Maybe I will take her advice at some level. Not ignore this but if he needs " until 5 " to discuss maybe I will busy " until 7 " or something like that ! After all, there is not a rush to discuss things when your partner is upset. Why should there be?

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 10:56 AM
Yes, and sending the impression that it's just a " happy family " situation out publicly is nothing !

It shouldn't bother the new partners at all. :/
If they say anything about it ( such as suggesting they would like some boundaries and privacy ) then THEY are the problem.


^barf! Just one of the ways the annoying ex-wives can tread those boundaries then mfs be like 'it's all for the kids sake though'.......

I think she's being obnoxious because she could just thank him privately in a text message or have the kid write him a card.

Like really h*e?!? Get a life!!!

Men eat this shit up.

Let one of your exes tag you (then pull the 'well we have a dog/plant/business/etc together')

miss.a.p1600
03-10-2022, 11:05 AM
I know my friend V means well. She is suggesting to " divine feminine " the situation .
But .... how do you just step back when there is a clear fuck you message being sent ?

Like just roll on back and pretend it doesn't bother me ?
Maybe I will .....

She's claims she would not have taken the bait lol.

^She is right to an extent.

It's okay to communicate your boundaries and expectations.

However he's sitting back unbothered while you're in a frazzled state and you and your health are more important.

THIS IS JUST MY EXPERIENCE (take with grain of salt) I learned that sometimes men are more likely to take heed to you/your concerns when you 'disappear' on their asses. It's like putting them in time out by revoking your time and attention from them - things they crave from their women. This means go out for some self-care, change your schedule, treat yourself good during this time and be just as unbothered. He will need you for something, notice your absence, and be willing to get back in your good graces to get time with you.

You already let him know his actions bothered you, now the ball is in his court to communicate his stance and do something that is good for you both.

While you are waiting for him to collect his thoughts you will benefit by doing things that make you feel good (self care etc)

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 11:41 AM
^ I left the house.
My town has a lot of amenities and more can probably be accomplished “ out and about” than just both of us working at home and me glaring at him every time we pass for not making time already.

I just went for a sandwich and now headed for hot tea / possibly sauna.

We did share a small hotel room for a week and it could be making us feel off.

My work station is mobile / laptop only and his is bulky. It makes sense for me to step away for some distance.

indiegirl
03-10-2022, 11:59 AM
I posted on here in the past pissed off how my collagen powder supplement was used all the way to the bottom and even when I bought a new one it seemed used even when I only used it one day. Well after I decided to move my new collagen supplement to my room, I still have the same carton. I was second guessing myself that my roommate was using it behind my back. Today when I opened the trash can, my roommate threw her own empty collagen peptide can she NOW stores in her room. Hahahaha open and shut case!!! She was stealing it from me and knew I moved mine!!

charlie61
03-10-2022, 02:05 PM
Carmen, i get the sense that he's just sick of the conversations and complications. I think he wants something easy and simple. Great sex, no problems, travel, etc. A lot of relationships start simply and get more complicated over time, and not everyone can handle the increasing layers of complication in their partners.

It seems like he's either struggling with that or mentally done with anything that isn't easy in the relationship.

It can be easy to cave to that and to "become simpler" (hide complications) because it's hurtful when partners can't handle who we really are.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 02:15 PM
Ha
On my “ list “ of places to go was maybe the real estate office given that I paid out the nose ( $1800 ) for my access and school ha.
Then a real lead came in . :)
So it may not be fakery about being busy .

charlie61
03-10-2022, 02:45 PM
I think a lot of recently divorced dudes are looking for simple, exciting, fun, horny girlfriends. Just my experience. When we start to have human issues, we become like their exes in their minds. Especially when these guys have kids and jobs that take a lot of their energy.

I'm being kind of mean to your dude. It irritated me when he wasn't there for you when you were in pain on his work trip.

Staci
03-10-2022, 02:51 PM
Carmen, i get the sense that he's just sick of the conversations and complications. I think he wants something easy and simple. Great sex, no problems, travel, etc. A lot of relationships start simply and get more complicated over time, and not everyone can handle the increasing layers of complication in their partners.

It seems like he's either struggling with that or mentally done with anything that isn't easy in the relationship.

It can be easy to cave to that and to "become simpler" (hide complications) because it's hurtful when partners can't handle who we really are.
I think in general, this is true.

Sometimes I feel we have to pick our battles and try not to allow everything to bother us. Otherwise, we are the one that is always unhappy.

I think we all can choose to allow ourselves to get all worked up over something. But not everything is worth the stress that involves, and everything doesn't have to be blown up into a whole big deal. I've been on the other side and it can be really tiring to be dealing with the constant drama and always wondering what the next thing will be. It wears people down.


But then not everyone is able to just let something go without feeling resentments and holding grudges.

charlie61
03-10-2022, 02:52 PM
^She is right to an extent.

It's okay to communicate your boundaries and expectations.

However he's sitting back unbothered while you're in a frazzled state and you and your health are more important.

THIS IS JUST MY EXPERIENCE (take with grain of salt) I learned that sometimes men are more likely to take heed to you/your concerns when you 'disappear' on their asses. It's like putting them in time out by revoking your time and attention from them - things they crave from their women. This means go out for some self-care, change your schedule, treat yourself good during this time and be just as unbothered. He will need you for something, notice your absence, and be willing to get back in your good graces to get time with you.

You already let him know his actions bothered you, now the ball is in his court to communicate his stance and do something that is good for you both.

While you are waiting for him to collect his thoughts you will benefit by doing things that make you feel good (self care etc)

I totally agree. The more we push them, the more they pull away. Expressing your issue clearly and then focusing on taking care of yourself is the healthy and effective way to go.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 02:52 PM
^ Oh believe me it’s in the “ wow wtf list “ for me too.
Especially since it was a week ago !
I could have dealt better if it was ONE issue ( fuck up ) in the week.
It’s quite fresh.

I’m actually doing really well since Dr. popped rib back.
I am feeling hopeful about it ( just one pill today instead of multiple ).

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 02:53 PM
Copy that. Done with tea time and at the sauna next ha.
I totally agree. The more we push them, the more they pull away. Expressing your issue clearly and then focusing on taking care of yourself is the healthy and effective way to go.

charlie61
03-10-2022, 02:57 PM
I think in general, this is true.

Sometimes I feel we have to pick our battles and try not to allow everything to bother us. Otherwise, we are the one that is always unhappy.

I think we all can choose to allow ourselves to get all worked up over something. But not everything is worth the stress that involves, and everything doesn't have to be blown up into a whole big deal. I've been on the other side and it can be really tiring to be dealing with the constant drama and always wondering what the next thing will be. It wears people down.


But then not everyone is able to just let something go without feeling resentments and holding grudges.

I totally agree. Gotta pick your battles (or find a different dude if it gets to that point). If the negative/positive balance is consistently skewed on the negative side, that's not fun or sustainable for anybody. If you're regularly having big complaints and big conversations, that's not a good sign.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 03:43 PM
I would say there is a lot of fun and good mixed in ( for us ).
I should get better about posting some fun updates here. I do try to mention the good as well and don’t need to make it seem skewed .

I don’t want to create a fake persona who pretends not to get hurt ect.
Duh!

I bring a lot to the table. I have a very flexible schedule with *some* passive real estate income. It makes a huge difference in day to day life and lets me be an easy match for a partners schedule.
I work roughly 20-30 hours via computer per week ( 80% of the time choosing the hours too ).

I won’t allow mistreatment .
My position isn’t going to change even though two years are “ sunk “.
Pretending it “ shouldn’t matter “ about the FB thing is not going to make it not matter to me !

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 03:48 PM
I mean ... he CAN be FB friends with her. It’s a free country.
In turn I can use my free agency and never touch him again.

charlie61
03-10-2022, 04:08 PM
I mean ... he CAN be FB friends with her. It’s a free country.
In turn I can use my free agency and never touch him again.

Yeah, i think at this point, you're mostly curious about the "why" - why did he friend her two years into your relationship with him? What changed? Why now?

If anyone thinks your reaction is extreme, it's true that you're feeling a lot of emotions about it, but i think it's totally valid for you to be upset about this as a *change*... he hasn't been friends with her for the last two years, so why now? We can all say, "no big deal, it's not like he's sleeping with her," but it's pretty clear that this was a very intentional decision on his part. If he didn't care, he'd just unfriend her upon learning that it hurt his partner's feelings.

Hopefully he'll be able to express a reason that makes sense after you give him some space.

Is this the ex he shares a kid with? Could he have friended her because she posts photos of his kid that he doesn't want to miss?

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 04:27 PM
^ Yes that is why he said he didn’t immediately remove ( the extra pics ).
There are other ways to get extra pics.
They share tons of pictures.
No one is photo hoarding .
He keeps holding this “ I didn’t add she resurfaced “ thing !
Wtf.
If she surfaced nip it in the bud.
I don’t care if she returned from a moon mission.

He can pretend it “ wasn’t needed “ to discuss but I don’t think anyone can argue ( effectively ) that a heads up wouldn’t have been classy. I didn’t approve this invasion of privacy. It was forced on me. If a huge change was approached / discussed ahead of time I would be more open.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 04:39 PM
I admit I could have asked in a more toned down way.
I said something minutes after I saw it and it was a busy morning yesterday.

whirlerz
03-10-2022, 06:16 PM
Jeez, the blues like NEED.TO.GIVE.IT.A.REST, FFS!

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 06:57 PM
I saw the " post of doom " .

Yeah he is not seeing it like we see it ( territory stepping ect. )!

I want this doooonnnneeee.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 07:29 PM
Progress.
He changed a bunch of privacy settings lol and did some tech changes.

...... he will cave. :)
Unfriend next and we will be good.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 07:31 PM
I'll tell you what ..... the FB platform in a NASTY fucking bitch .... truly.
She " wrote on his wall " and that post is what this heel digging is all about.

He thought everyone could see that post he was SO PROUD of containing the photo of the covid care package.
I explained to him that is was only a couple people who could ( those they were each friends with ) lol !

Uh..... you are the tech expert.

I suggested he keep a photo of it so that when he unfriends her soon he will have it. :)

moneybags
03-10-2022, 07:57 PM
^^^happy wife happy life. Even if you aren’t married-it’s still true.

I don’t think you were over reacting at all. You feel how you feel. You should honor your feelings. True we can’t control other people, but you have the right to express your anger in an appropriate way.

Some people can’t deal with anger. I can’t deal with people stuffing their anger and stonewalling me. Men aren’t as emotionally intelligent. Sounds like he wants to make you happy, but is struggling with talking about his feelings.

women are spiritual leaders. Men need for us to lead them.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 07:59 PM
Oddly .... we talked openly about the slight sugar babby / sugar daddy element we have too.
It is more just a follow up and general relationship type talk.
He threw the phrase " sugar baby " when I was saying something like " I can't believe my partner would do this to me ". Like .... he wanted to correct me when I used the word partner ha. So I circled back and was like " lets talk openly ".

We both don't really *like* that description per say. We want a " partnership " description.

moneybags
03-10-2022, 08:00 PM
Oddly .... we talked openly about the slight sugar babby / sugar daddy element we have too.
That is not an annoyance it is more just a follow up.
We both don't really *like* that description per say and want a " partnership " description.

All relationships are a negotiation- it sounds cold, but it’s the truth. I personally think how people negotiate their personal relationships is fine as long it’s consensual that’s all that matters.

He may bring money, but you obviously has a special set of skills he likes…LOL. It’s all about it being a win/win.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 08:02 PM
I mean ..... 4-5 people spoke up here AND my Mom was like " yeah wtf is he thinking ? " so it was running a 99% trend of women very much agreeing with my side.

carmen_b
03-10-2022, 08:04 PM
I reminded him that my " free place " thing may not take me as far into pampered Baby land as he is thinking.
This is due to owning a home and if I was there I'd put two room mates in and it would ALL be covered .
So it's covered ( my housing ) regardless of what he does or doesn't do.

I also pointed out that his schedule is DIFFICULT ( because it is ) !
My easier schedule brings a value .

Plus I've offered things multiple times like paying for house cleaning or other little expenses. He does let me pitch in a little with groceries ( if I cook I go get the stuff ).

It was pretty wise of me to not get into " Oh , my former sugar daddy did xyz " . Lol.
^ BUT ..... If we are actually talking about " Daddy " we are talking about an allowance PLUS shopping trips ect. ! hahaha

He's successful . That is just how most relationships are going to look ( the odds of him finding a partner who match the income level would be incredibly slim ). I don't mind talking openly about it with him. As far as other people go it really isn't their business unless they know us very well.
We want to use the term " partners ".


All relationships are a negotiation- it sounds cold, but it’s the truth. I personally think how people negotiate their personal relationships is fine as long it’s consensual that’s all that matters.

Because he may bring money, but you obviously has a special set of skills he likes…LOL

Dreamqueen
03-10-2022, 10:26 PM
You can go to an auto parts store and try doing your own re-charge of your air. A product like this is the most simple way to try.
https://www.amazon.com/Professional-Synthetic-Conditioning-Refrigerant-Dispenser/dp/B007USCM7E/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Car+AC+Recharge+Kit&qid=1646932072&sr=8-2

Oh, wow, thank you very much for that info.
I'd rather pay you to come over and do it, than this jackass.
I just know that if I drive out to his house tomorrow, I'm going to regret it.
I'd go to my regular mechanic right up the street, but he charges $100 Just for the diagnosis, and then labor. Plus, I'd have to leave my car because he's always "too busy".

carmen_b
03-11-2022, 08:43 AM
He had better remove her from FB today.

I promised to " remain " calm for another 12-13 hours after we chatted last night.
It's been about that time frame.

I wore a sexy nightie to watch TV together .
I was horny AF. It's hurting us both.
He smelled so good too . :/
I'll grab my toy today and buzz it out lol so I can remain strong making my point later today if needed.

I'll see how it feels in my body at the time but if the change doesn't occur by Noon to 5 or so I have a feeling I won't want to be around him at all. He plans to get back at 6:30p.m. and I will need to be somewhere else most likely. I'd better come up with a plan. Since I did remain calm I will have to assume that more time is open hostility and not actually needing more time. He had the time to pack up and go Snowboard today so I assume he has the time to write a note to her if needed and make this change.