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carmen_b
03-31-2022, 08:37 AM
^ I always had this idea or vision that working 20-30 hours a week would be SO ideal .
Then in practice ( over the last two months ) ....... um ...... nope.
I had always wanted to live out of the country ( as an expat in a cheaper country ) specifically so I could do what I was describing working remotely .
Doing it here seems less exotic and just ...... not successful haha.
I'm not even totally sure WHY it didn't work out well for me . I want to run the lack of success with the experiment by a therapist when I finally figure out if I'm sticking to the " silent treatment " therapist or finding another one.

I think maybe it's just that after two years of $ being lean ......I'm like " It's back FINALLY omg gather ALL of it ".
Maybe it's just not the right TIME for this experiment to take place.

carmen_b
03-31-2022, 08:38 AM
Is L off today ? Maybe if he is home all day you can do half of your work day out of the house ?
I feel like it throws couples off in the evening if you've already been around each other all day.

Yesterday I was feeling pouty about J going to snowboard 9-5 ( he traded a work day for a Sunday ) but now I'm more ok with it. Totally quiet house, ha.


I hate having to tell my partner every fucking move I make.

This is the thing I hate about relationships.

One one hand I get communicating so things run smoothly but sometimes this shit feels like being a little kid again and I don’t want to fucking tell my every last move and I can’t make moves without him.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 09:34 AM
Is L off today ? Maybe if he is home all day you can do half of your work day out of the house ?
I feel like it throws couples off in the evening if you've already been around each other all day.

Yesterday I was feeling pouty about J going to snowboard 9-5 ( he traded a work day for a Sunday ) but now I'm more ok with it. Totally quiet house, ha.

Lol! You already know.

Half a day out sounds good so he won’t think I’m purposely avoiding him

carmen_b
03-31-2022, 09:59 AM
3 days ? Get to WORK haha !

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 10:03 AM
^THANK YOU!!!!

He likes to lounge around and fucking hang out with me on his days off. Which is cool but not ALL cotdamn day and not ALL 5 days

I'm not going to nag, I'm just going to do me. Hustling to the next level up!

Lay around and cling if ya want.....that's the fast track to single and sexless

carmen_b
03-31-2022, 10:04 AM
^ I can *often* pull it off now that I have some monthly income coming from a rental property .
With J covering everything here, I can 100% pull it off when living with him but it just doesn't seem to WORK for me.... emotionally haha.
Talk about a weird thing to complain about ....... getting lucky and having extra time ...... but spending it getting into depressive cycles ! Like ok ...... if I *need* to just work full time I will ..... it's not worth feeling like shit over.

There is obviously so much more I could be doing. I could put some effort into making some friends . I could volunteer at an arts organization like I planned on 5-6 weeks ago ( and then didn't ) . I'm embarrassed how I handled the last two months. I can try to make some changes and adjustments.

carmen_b
03-31-2022, 10:10 AM
Yeah, it's business hours . Bye L ( at least during the 9-5 range ) haha.
It would bother me ( if he has limited time off ) that he didn't save those day for a larger scale trip out of town.


^THANK YOU!!!!

He likes to lounge around and fucking hang out with me on his days off. Which is cool but not ALL cotdamn day and not ALL 5 days

I'm not going to nag, I'm just going to do me. Hustling to the next level up!

Lay around and cling if ya want.....that's the fast track to single and sexless

LoveyD
03-31-2022, 11:00 AM
Yeah , that's the plan haha. I don't really see the convo of " lets cut this 15 min. out so we can get rid of her at 8:15 p.m. sharp instead of 8:30 p.m. going ideally. Ha. That is how he will hear it ....... so no going there for sure. Maybe in a few months I'll hint at she is too old for that ( since she is ) but it's a small thing ...... not going there currently.

^ I do all that stuff you are describing too ! I'm BIG on kids being independent . The other day I gave her a few bucks to go through a line and get something herself . J said she hadn't done it before lol ! Like he was showing fear she actually wasn't going to make it through this transaction and I'm like " she will be fine " .

^^Glad you're showing her that she can be trusted to do things herself. It's an important thing for kids to do.

My ex never gave his kids chores, and it did not serve them well.

Still triggered from the bitch at safe parking last night. I don't want to get I to it but I may report her to the staff and let them know I do not want her rude ass approaching me again. I'm not there to make friends or enemies. I just want a safe place to sleep and then GTFO.

Thinking that now that it's getting darker out later, I'm going to stay out a little later to make money, just so I won't have to be around these people. I only trust the staff because they are intelligent and compassionate and they understand boundaries.

carmen_b
03-31-2022, 11:16 AM
^ What did she do ? Hassle you ?

Yeah ... I always give those “ oh you can do this yourself “ vibes .
I consider it a good influence. Left to J’s devices she’ll be stunted !
I had a business at her age lol.

Anyway our kid free 4 day chunk starts now. :)

indiegirl
03-31-2022, 12:14 PM
Arrived to drive my moms husband as a favor and when I called that I was here he said “Come on in!” Lolll nooooo! He will nonstop talk and then I’m gonna be stuck in traffic on the freeway on the way home!! He wants to finish his work now and I’m trying to be very brief to keep him on track.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 12:50 PM
I think dads tend to coddle their daughters a lot so what you’re seeing is that. But if it were a boy i doubt he’d give two flying fucks about trying to tuck him in and read to him nightly at 9 years old.

Who are your examples for this? I've seen tons of fathers coddle their sons like that.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 12:53 PM
My annoyances:

1.) When you have to pee really bad and the drawstring on your pants is knotted so you have to become a master knot detangler instantly.

2.) When people complain about people being on their phones in public. Wtf is the difference between talking on your phone vs. talking to an actual person next to you?

xxxGothBarbie
03-31-2022, 01:00 PM
These older women cashiers at supermarkets thinking they don't have to bag my items when I clearly expect them to. Earn your paycheck bitch, the rest of us have to. She literally stood there after I paid with her damn arms crossed looking at me until I said in a sparky tone oh do I have to bag them now?! Then she bagged them for me. Fuck you lady ugh, do your damn job.

Marina Starr
03-31-2022, 01:01 PM
I'm glad you let it out without having to go into details.

I also don't leave the house when it's dark. I don't feel comfortable!


^^Glad you're showing her that she can be trusted to do things herself. It's an important thing for kids to do.

My ex never gave his kids chores, and it did not serve them well.

Still triggered from the bitch at safe parking last night. I don't want to get I to it but I may report her to the staff and let them know I do not want her rude ass approaching me again. I'm not there to make friends or enemies. I just want a safe place to sleep and then GTFO.

Thinking that now that it's getting darker out later, I'm going to stay out a little later to make money, just so I won't have to be around these people. I only trust the staff because they are intelligent and compassionate and they understand boundaries.

carmen_b
03-31-2022, 01:27 PM
^ I hate being out after dark most days haha.
Now I'm like " oh good I have until 7:55 p.m. " haha.
Maybe next week 8:05 ha.

LoveyD
03-31-2022, 02:24 PM
I don't mind being out after dark. It just that it makes doing deliveries easier because I can see addresses better. Once it gets dark out, people seem to stay to themselves more at safe parking. I just don't want anyone talking to me. Some of these people are rude assholes who need to stay in their fucking lane.

I don't want to elaborate because it'll just trigger me more. I hate people and wish they'd leave me alone.

Just ran into another bitch at the gas station who bitched at me for "blocking" her way by the pump Um, no bitch, there is plenty of space. I just saw at least two cars pass by me with no problem. Maybe you should downsize your enormous gas-guzzling automobile and stop expecting the world to revolve around you. My God...

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 02:47 PM
Who are your examples for this? I've seen tons of fathers coddle their sons like that.

Fathers coddling sons is even worse....in my opinion. They are the prime example of men who weren't raised properly.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 03:22 PM
Fathers coddling sons is even worse....in my opinion. They are the prime example of men who weren't raised properly.

Tucking in your child every night and reading them stories is improper?

xxxGothBarbie
03-31-2022, 04:47 PM
Fucking irate that my "friend" chose to ask another gal from our circle to petsit for her while she's away for a few days. She's never asked me to or seemed to trust me to for whatever reason. She knows I need a break from my current situation to work and stack my $ but nooo she'd rather have someone who's never been at her place really. I'm starting to think she isn't my friend after all. Friends help each other in time of need. I'm gutted rn ��

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 05:01 PM
Tucking in your child every night and reading them stories is improper?

No.

But coddling them past their developmental stage is improper.

Also, Kids are creatures of habit.

Tuck a kid in faithfully everyday and next thing you know you have an overgrown 25 year old still living with you who can't sleep with out their parents presence. They will be clingy and whiny if you don't do a tuck-in routine every night.

You also want to wind down at night. If kids take forever drifting off to sleep, you'll end up hostage to their sleep rituals and that can throw off your sleep schedule too.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 05:10 PM
But coddling them past their developmental stage is improper.

What age is that?


Tuck a kid in faithfully everyday and next thing you know you have an overgrown 25 year old still living with you who can't sleep with out their parents presence.

So you're saying you know adults, or even teenagers, who can't fall asleep without their parents in the same room?

techqueen
03-31-2022, 05:44 PM
Fathers coddling sons is even worse....in my opinion. They are the prime example of men who weren't raised properly.

Where are you getting your information from?
I need sources - books, clinical studies, documentary…etc. Anything. I’d appreciate it.
I didn’t know fathers “coddling” their sons was an epidemic.
If anything, we have an epidemic of the opposite. Fathers absent in homes. Unfathered adult children acting out. Also I find it difficult to believe you’ve actually met a 25 year old that has issues sleeping without his parents. If that’s really true for you, may I ask, how did you meet these individual(s)?

Also I’ve found mothers coddling their sons to be more problematic but I guess everyone’s reality is different.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 05:49 PM
What age is that?



So you're saying you know adults, or even teenagers, who can't fall asleep without their parents in the same room?

Most parents or step parents know the developmental phases and the corresponding ages.

Yes I know adults who were coddled in their formative years. This is typical of helicopter parenting.

techqueen
03-31-2022, 05:59 PM
Most parents or step parents know the developmental phases and the corresponding ages. Especially if kids regularly see pediatrician.
.

This isn’t the reality of things. Most parents don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.
If what you’re saying is true we wouldn’t have so many wounded adults walking around.
Anyone can get knocked up and produce a human but raising him/her to be upstanding, functional members of society requires a level of empathy, compassion, self awareness and different toolbox altogether.

LoveyD
03-31-2022, 06:04 PM
You definitely don't want to infantilize your kids. That's abuse.

On the other hand, you don't want to throw em out there to the cruel world without the proper tools either.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:05 PM
Most parents or step parents know the developmental phases and the corresponding ages.

They do, but you're the one who said it and said Carmen's example was improper, so I'm asking you.


Yes I know adults who were coddled in their formative years. This is typical of helicopter parenting.

Coddled how? I agree that helicopter parenting can lead to incapable adults, but I don't see why Carmen's example would be considered as excessive coddling. There is an opposite to excessive coddling, which would be emotional neglect.

I'm with Charlie I think it's sweet what the father is doing. And idk if Carmen's dude has full custody, but if he doesn't I think it's even more impressive for him to be doing and why he's doing it makes even more sense.

techqueen
03-31-2022, 06:08 PM
You definitely don't want to infantilize your kids. That's abuse.

On the other hand, you don't want to throw em out there to the cruel world without the proper tools either.

Totally agree. There’s a balance.

The worst is mothers who are emotionally incestuous with their sons. Yak!

This is sooooo common nowadays it’s scary.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:12 PM
Totally agree. There’s a balance.

The worst is mothers who are emotionally incestuous with their sons. Yak!

This is sooooo common nowadays it’s scary.

I have seen this. A forget what it's called, it might have been something like emotional incest, but it deals with mothers who use their son like a husband, not sexually, but in an emotional way and my guy friend was telling me about how that was his experience growing up.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:14 PM
They do, but you're the one who said it and said Carmen's example was improper, so I'm asking you.



Coddled how? I agree that helicopter parenting can lead to incapable adults, but I don't see why Carmen's example would be considered as excessive coddling. There is an opposite to excessive coddling, which would be emotional neglect.

I'm with Charlie I think it's sweet what the father is doing. And idk if Carmen's dude has full custody, but if he doesn't I think it's even more impressive for him to be doing and why he's doing it makes even more sense.

I never said her situation was excessive coddling. to me it’s bordering the line.

I agree with what Carmen said.

she was feeling irritated for a reason.

I said before I don’t coddle kids, in my opinion 9 is old enough to go to sleep without a lengthy nightly tuck in, so I could understand where she was coming from.

LoveyD
03-31-2022, 06:14 PM
^^ I have a 20 year old son. Your have to respect your kid's boundaries or you're going to have a hard time when they leave and form families of their own. It will be drama. He dropped a bomb on me the other day and said when he receives his inheritance money at 25, he wants to buy real estate in Wyoming. I told him go for it. Go somewhere beautiful and inexpensive and invest in a home. He can do his wildlife work there as well. It's hard to let them go, but for them to become men, you have to. I think being emotionally incestous is controlling and indicates insecurity in one's own parenting. And it's a pain for the kids, who just want to be their own people.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:17 PM
They do, but you're the one who said it and said Carmen's example was improper, so I'm asking you.



Coddled how? I agree that helicopter parenting can lead to incapable adults, but I don't see why Carmen's example would be considered as excessive coddling. There is an opposite to excessive coddling, which would be emotional neglect.

I'm with Charlie I think it's sweet what the father is doing. And idk if Carmen's dude has full custody, but if he doesn't I think it's even more impressive for him to be doing and why he's doing it makes even more sense.

i never said Carmen’s situation was improper.

techqueen
03-31-2022, 06:19 PM
I have seen this. A forget what it's called, it might have been something like emotional incest, but it deals with mothers who use their son like a husband, not sexually, but in an emotional way and my guy friend was telling me about how that was his experience growing up.

That’s exactly what it is. It’s so gross.

I literally want to scream when i read things on social media like “I prayed for a man and God sent me a son”.

The kid grows up to be the guy that can’t make decisions without his mom and will dump his girlfriend at the drop of a hat if she breathes the wrong way because he’s really in a relationship with his mother. An unconscious relationship.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:20 PM
I agree with what Carmen said.

she was feeling irritated for a reason.

I said before I don’t coddle kids, in my opinion 9 is old enough to go to sleep without nightly tuck in, so I could understand where she was coming from.

Well I take no issue with this because different people are going to have different parenting styles, and you have a kid and I do not, but you launching into your anti-especially paternal coddling rhetoric afterwards really makes it seem like you did not find Carmen's dude's behavior to be appropriate.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:22 PM
Where are you getting your information from?
I need sources - books, clinical studies, documentary…etc. Anything. I’d appreciate it.
I didn’t know fathers “coddling” their sons was an epidemic.
If anything, we have an epidemic of the opposite. Fathers absent in homes. Unfathered adult children acting out. Also I find it difficult to believe you’ve actually met a 25 year old that has issues sleeping without his parents. If that’s really true for you, may I ask, how did you meet these individual(s)?

Also I’ve found mothers coddling their sons to be more problematic but I guess everyone’s reality is different.

I form opinions just like you do.

Genoveve was the one who said she knew fathers who coddled their sons so the burden of research you are requesting is on her.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:22 PM
i never said Carmen’s situation was improper.

You criticized the dude's behavior. So are you saying you find his behavior to be proper now?

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:23 PM
I form opinions just like you do.

Genoveve was the one who said she knew fathers who coddled their sons so the burden of research you are requesting is on her.

Actually you are the one who put forth the first claim so the burden of proof is on you.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:25 PM
Well I take no issue with this because different people are going to have different parenting styles, and you have a kid and I do not, but you launching into your anti-especially paternal coddling rhetoric afterwards really makes it seem like you did not find Carmen's dude's behavior to be appropriate.

I said what I had to say about it two pages ago.

You’re the one who keeps asking random questions that don’t have much to do with anything.

I totally get people have different parenting styles that why I gave my OPINION and said it’s what *I* would do.

L’s daughter takes herself in her room at night and falls asleep on her own. He coddles her plenty during the day.

charlie61
03-31-2022, 06:28 PM
Annoyance is this return to office BS.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:28 PM
You criticized the dude's behavior. So are you saying you find his behavior to be proper now?

that’s her household so she determines what’s proper.

LoveyD
03-31-2022, 06:29 PM
That’s exactly what it is. It’s so gross.

I literally want to scream when i read things on social media like “I prayed for a man and God sent me a son”.

The kid grows up to be the guy that can’t make decisions without his mom and will dump his girlfriend at the drop of a hat if she breathes the wrong way because he’s really in a relationship with his mother. An unconscious relationship.

That's what I call a sMother.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:32 PM
that’s her household so she determines what’s proper.

And you agreed.


I totally get people have different parenting styles that why I gave my OPINION and said it’s what *I* would do.

I agree, your takes on parenting and childhood development are definitely only opinions.

techqueen
03-31-2022, 06:33 PM
I form opinions just like you do.

Genoveve was the one who said she knew fathers who coddled their sons so the burden of research you are requesting is on her.

I post think pieces, articles and videos that I used to form those opinions though.

I just haven’t heard of such a thing in our society. I’d love to see more of that. We need that. So many men are emotionally stunted or absent and I believe it’s because their fathers were either absent or shutdown.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:33 PM
Annoyance is this return to office BS.

I agree wholeheartedly.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:34 PM
And you agreed.



I agree, your takes on parenting and childhood development are definitely only opinions.

As are yours. Your takes are opinions which aren’t even based on real life experience

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:35 PM
I just haven’t heard of such a thing in our society. I’d love to see more of that. We need that. So many men are emotionally stunted or absent.

Agreed. All you ever seem to hear about is absentee fathers, I'd love more examples of especially divorced fathers or baby daddys going out of their way to compensate for the fact that they're not with their kid/s fulltime.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:36 PM
As are yours. Your takes are opinions which aren’t even based on real life experience

They're not? How so?

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:36 PM
I post think pieces, articles and videos that I used to form those opinions though.

I just haven’t heard of such a thing in our society. I’d love to see more of that. We need that. So many men are emotionally stunted or absent and I believe it’s because their fathers were either absent or shutdown.

As I said you can take that up with Genoveve. She said in her post she saw examples of men coddling their sons. I never said that.

miss.a.p1600
03-31-2022, 06:37 PM
They're not? How so?

Well You mentioned you’re not a fan of kids so I assume you never raised any but I could be wrong n

charlie61
03-31-2022, 06:39 PM
I agree wholeheartedly.

For real. We have a hybrid model (3 days in the office, 2 days at home). But man, readjusting to the early bedtime, early wakeup time, getting ready / makeup hair outfit, the commute, the fluorescent lights, the inconveniences of being away from home, being away from my pets and comforts, not being able to do some chores during breaks... it's so bad. I spend my evenings just doing chores and preparing for the next day, going to bed early. Living to work. Not fun after two years of successful 100% work from home. And all so executives can... see our little faces in the office? Be exposed to covid? Ugh.

I have a super cushy job, benefits, all of that, so i really have nothing to complain about, but maaaaaaan this is the woooorst.

Genoveve
03-31-2022, 06:39 PM
She said in her post she saw examples of men coddling their sons. I never said that.

Then why do you think it's so detrimental if you've never witnessed it?


Fathers coddling sons is even worse....in my opinion. They are the prime example of men who weren't raised properly.

And I am the one who isn't arguing from real life experience? You just admitted to doing it lol.