View Full Version : I hate men now
caramelDip
11-27-2013, 09:43 PM
I completely agree with the OP. I dont work in a club but i started camming in 2011. Wayyyy before then, i was constantly harassed by men/boys. All the fuckin time. Ever since i was in middle school (11/12/13yrs old!). A couple times, some random guy on the streets had ran up, smacked me on my ass, then ran off. UGH. I carry pepper spray now, working on other weapons. & I never dress provocative in public.
All i hear is:
-mmmm
-damn girl
-i'll eat that right
*long stares and lip licking*
-mmmm
-damn
-mmmmmm
-damn
I even said i was going to wear a long cloak and a big ass sunhat and sunglasses in public. i will test it out and report back lol
arielbriel
11-27-2013, 09:52 PM
OP, I've noticed it's worse in some areas than others? COuld you move to a different/better neighborhood?
Optimist
11-28-2013, 08:43 PM
Yeah, I'm so glad that we're finally breaking the silence on the ugly side of Manhattan clubs. I will say it is possible to make bank and not experience so much of this abuse.. if you work in a busy enough club where you can consistently find naive customers willing to spend in VIP, or you are a lapdance machine and good at hustling tips. I was lucky enough to experience this my first few months here, but when summer hit.. damn!
I will also say I actually felt ashamed when this shit first started happening, partly because of SW's particular brand of anti-extras rhetoric. I know I'm jaded, but sometimes it feels like everyone's saying "My class, intelligence, and power of positive thinking turn rapists into gentlemen who drop Gs just to sit on their hands and sing songs of how beautiful I am :D Maybe you should try that!" Or even worse, "I'm sorry this happened sweetie, but in the end YOU allowed that customer twice your size to hold you down because you simply exude weakness and probably failed to cast your intermediate level anti-abuse charms." Honestly, I get it. I was on the other side for six years. Then I experienced the slow season in a generic upscale NYC brothel.
I am so grateful that you have all shared what you have seen and experienced. I am sorry you went through these abusive incidents, and even witnessing someone else's abuse/degradation is traumatizing.
Babe, I highlighted that above because I want to convince all of you that normal men do still exist and they are not naive--they are normal men with normal tastes. The people you've been dealing with are sociopaths. Literally, their behavior fits the description of sociopathy and they are predators not normal guys looking for a good time.
This is taken from the work of Dr Leedom: "sociopaths have faulty development in three areas: ability to love, impulse control and moral reasoning. Dr. Leedom says sociopaths may experience fleeting feelings of affection, but the joy they get from these feelings is far less than the joy they get from having power and control over others. Their inability to love is also called “emotional callousness” by scientists.
Sociopaths lack empathy. Empathy stops people from hurting others. This is because an empathetic person actually feels another person’s pain. Someone who is routinely emotionally and/or physically abusive toward others does not have empathy.
Dr. Leedom says sociopaths generally show no care-taking behavior, and rarely or never sacrifice their own needs for those of others. When they do show caring, she says, there is always a hidden agenda.Sociopaths characteristically have poor impulse control. This makes them aggressive and overly sexual. “Generally speaking, if a sociopath thinks of it, he or she does it,” Dr. Leedom says. “They exhibit little planning and forethought, and show a lack of consideration for consequences.”
Dr. Leedom points out that since sociopaths lack the ability to love, they are not motivated by a drive for affection. They are, however, very social. Why would someone with no real interest in affection or intimacy want to be social? Dr. Leedom says the answer is that sociopaths are motivated by a drive for dominance or power. To them, power equals pleasure.
“By definition, a sociopath is someone with impairment in all three of these abilities,” Dr. Leedom says. “Sociopaths are unable to love, have poor impulse control and exhibit immoral behavior.” Dr. Leedom calls these three areas the Inner Triangle. "
http://www.lovefraud.com/beware-the-sociopath/key-symptoms/the-inner-triangle/
For those who haven't read her brilliant website on sociopaths and how they prey on ordinary folks like us, it's a must read. You can better protect yourselves and discern the difference between a normal partier and someone who is there to dominate and destroy your very soul. They don't get off on your beautiful faces and spirits, they get off on crushing the happiness out of you and instilling a submission--like wanting to wear a burka and give up on all the great men all around us.
Ladies, don't give up on finding healthy, respectful clubs. You should never have to settle for a work environment that traumatizes you. There are those who feel or believe that positive attitude can ward off offenders. I don't agree as I have been assaulted by individuals I was quite confident to meet and interact with. These are guys who purposely presented a socially acceptable front to disarm a potential victim. You truly can be giving an ordinary dance after telling them the rules and legalities, getting along, in good spirits and have a guy go left and try to grab or hold you. I've seen a guy pretending to give a tip to a girl with a beautiful smile and at the last minute, turn his head to quickly bite her hard enough to draw blood! Her attitude was stellar. He was simply a whack-job.
Once you learn what to look for you will find yourselves cutting assholes off much earlier. You'll know ahead of time who's the inhuman and who's the human customer. I call it my No Asshole policy and ironically it makes me more money! I don't waste so much time with these emotional vampires who get off on annoying or pushing my boundaries and that helps me find my sane VIP guy faster. Predators are among us. They do not run criminal background checks at your local club. They take all comers. Just like pedophiles love to work for schools and daycare centers, rapists love to go the the local gentlemen's club. Prepare yourselves. Oh and read the thread I posted at the top of this forum on Objectification and the psychological damage it causes.
Optimist
11-28-2013, 08:57 PM
I don't understand..you're a stripper..part of our job is to be objectified. That's how we make our money. Sure, some guys love what's in our minds but at first, they really only love what under that gown.
It's actually not our job to be objectified but appreciated--no wordplay here, I'll present the definition of the word objectification because it is so often misused by laypeople (those not involved in the mental health profession).
https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?188748-Objectification-the-Long-Term-Destruction-of-Your-Worth
Definition:
Objectification - The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.
Description:
A common practice among people who suffer from personality disorders is objectification. Objectification is normally a form of prioritization where the needs and concerns of other individuals are ranked below the needs and concerns of the personality-disordered individual. As such, objectification is rarely emotional in nature.
Objectification is often associated with gender discrimination, as-in "objectification of women" which refers to the practice of treating women as domestic servants or as sexual property. However, objectification has a broader meaning.
University of Chicago Professor Martha C. Nussbaum classified Objectification into the following categories:
Instrumentality - Instrumentality is when a person is treated like a tool for another person's own purposes.
Ownership - Ownership describes a condition where one person is treated as if they are owned by, or is a slave to, the other person.
Fungibility - Fungibility describes a condition where one person is treated as if they are dispensable or can be traded or discarded by another person.
Violability - Violability describes a situation where a person is treated as if it is ok to hurt, or destroy them.
Denial of subjectivity - Denial of subjectivity describes a condition where a person is treated as if there is no need to show concern for their feelings.
Acts of objectification typically enrich the perpetrator at the expense of the victim. (snip)
None of that is a typical action of a mentally healthy customer.
SweetJulia
11-29-2013, 05:11 AM
Telling a host that a customer was making me uncomfortable by talking about how he would get a condom from the bathroom attendant only for him to respond, "Yeah, just play along. He'll pay both our rent." Play along while he has sex with me!? Instead I played along like he had gotten me so drunk I would puke on him if we had sex. And I would have been that drunk if I drank everything he'd bought me.
That is fucking hilarious :D
Aniela
11-29-2013, 07:56 AM
Telling a host that a customer was making me uncomfortable by talking about how he would get a condom from the bathroom attendant only for him to respond, "Yeah, just play along. He'll pay both our rent." Play along while he has sex with me!? Instead I played along like he had gotten me so drunk I would puke on him if we had sex. And I would have been that drunk if I drank everything he'd bought me.
That is fucking hilarious :D
HAHAHAHA Ikr, I always found it hysterical, finding myself stuck in a room w/ a sexually aggressive customer & the jackass host/bouncer was too blinded by the $$$ to think abt my safety. /end_sarc
SweetJulia
11-29-2013, 12:13 PM
HAHAHAHA Ikr, I always found it hysterical, finding myself stuck in a room w/ a sexually aggressive customer & the jackass host/bouncer was too blinded by the $$$ to think abt my safety. /end_sarc
Nobody dragged her in there, she obviously came up with a plan to keep the creep at bay, a really good one. One that made him uncomfortable and grossed out instead of the girl for a change. I was applauding that, not the moron on a condom hunt or the money hungry bouncer.
starlily
12-01-2013, 03:49 AM
OP, I've noticed it's worse in some areas than others? COuld you move to a different/better neighborhood?
That's totally true, and my boyfriend has been suggesting that we move to a better neighborhood too, even though it will be farther from his school. He is nice. :) I think I'd like to move once the lease is up!
noelle
12-01-2013, 02:52 PM
I totally how street harassment could turn you off to men. In certain neighborhoods I have lived in, I never wanted to leave the house because every time I did I knew I would get sexually harassed. It was fucking horrible. Living somewhere you feel safe if you can afford to makes such a huge difference! I hope you can move and find a new club, I think it would certainly help your feelings towards men.
Miss.dk
12-07-2013, 05:26 AM
I am so sad that this post exists because everything in it is (unfortunately) true.
I've felt similarly when walking around town by myself, even in not particularly shitty places. I have grown a very strong distaste for men and when I'm travelling alone I usually stay inside. :(
Star- I haven't experienced the level of assault you have but it really is disheartening to hear that anyone has experienced something like that. I'm glad you made this post because you (and anyone else who's gone through this) deserve compassion instead of keeping it all to yourself. I also hate the constant cat-calling of men and the degrading comments and gestures I get when walking by myself. It makes me feel nervous and very alone. & Simone is right, it doesn't matter WHAT you're wearing! lol
!TheOne
12-07-2013, 04:13 PM
What about wearing headphones and pretending to be listening to music?
TheOne
audritwo
12-08-2013, 10:01 AM
What about wearing headphones and pretending to be listening to music?
TheOne
Sometimes yes that works, but some men can be persistent fuckers
caramelDip
12-08-2013, 10:06 AM
Sometimes yes that works, but some men can be persistent fuckers
so true. Even when I'm REALLY talking on the phone. They don't care. Trying to get my # isn't that important. That's Rude as Hell
Aurora_Sunset
12-08-2013, 10:08 AM
Sometimes yes that works, but some men can be persistent fuckers
True. I usually wear headphones when I go out walking or walk anywhere in town. Most people leave me alone, or I don't hear them. But once a guy must've said hello to me, and when I didn't respond, he jumped up in my face and was like "Don't say hi or anything! Rude!" Really...? I'm the rude one?
I do agree that headphones can at least help drown out the ones who aren't going to put forth the effort to be assholes, and maybe they'll eventually stop if you become known as the girl who always has headphones on and can't hear them anyway. But, on the flip side, if you live in a dangerous city, you always want to have all your senses at your disposal. Guess it depends on your location if this would be safe.
Aniela
12-08-2013, 02:24 PM
Maybe headphones w/o actually having the device activated? You look like you are listening to music so the more-easily discouraged ones will hopefully be quickly discouraged, but you can still hear what's going on around you re: the less-easily discouraged ones. After my last exp on the train, I may be borrowing my roommate's headphones after he leaves for this very purpose :ill:
~*SwanPrincess*~
12-08-2013, 04:17 PM
Headphones wont stop guys. I get interrupted at the gym all the time with my headphones on. I dont make eye contact with anyone, and try to appear unapproachable (watch the little TV, listen to music, work out really hard) but nothing stops them from coming over and interrupting. I hate guys and their enormous egos. So rude :-(
lol1337a
12-08-2013, 05:54 PM
Ha I wish that helped. There's still that huge subset of guys who delight in muttering nasty shit under their breath whether or not they think we can hear it, and the more persistent ones try to get your attention by waving their phone in your face! Like I'm gonna stop and put my number in there. I wonder how often it actually works.
audritwo
12-08-2013, 06:44 PM
I do bitch moves.
EXAMPLE: Was at Old Navy with my MOTHER. This guy starts hitting on me hard in front of my mother. Said something inappropriate about what I was wearing (yoga pants and a sweater with a god damn walrus on it) and how I looked so "mm good." Mom was obviously uncomfortable. I told him I'm just visiting my mom for the hoildays. Trying to hint that I'm not interested. He goes, "oh well after the hoildays and you come visit again let me take you to the club."
"Yeah TOTES!" as I laugh my ass off and walked out of the store with mom laughing as well.
msincredible01
12-19-2013, 02:47 AM
I swear Nyc is hell's portal or something.. I would come home shaking, literally shaking from anxiety, adrenaline and fear during my very brief stint working at PEC.
My very first customer was an absolute pig. Took me for an hour, dropped his pants, started yelling at me because I wouldn't touch his dick..I was in complete shock to be honest that he got naked so quickly. After that, the host made a snide comment to me then took half of the room money. I cried a little then hid until it was time to go home. Got harassed all the way to Grand Central because a foreigner cab driver dropped me off at a scary bus station instead of the train station, argued with me when I said he brought me to the wrong place! Refused to admit it wasn't Grand central. I stormed out in frustration, got followed down the street by some drug dealer asshole who kept making disgusting comments about my tits and following so close I swear he was going to steal my bag! Absolutely terrifying! I was in an oversized, thick men's button down. I was so afraid that I RAN out in the middle of the street towards another cab. Got home, cried myself to sleep.
A few days later I convinced myself I was being too sensitive and acting like a quitter so I went back hoping it was just a rotten first experience. My second night went much better. Rooms with respectful men who wouldn't even touch my legs. I threw in the towel though a few nights later from the high fee's and stress of it all, largely from being harassed on the streets! I know exactly how you feel Starlily. The NY club scene has a way of breaking the strongest of spirits. I couldn't justify putting myself through that degree and amount of harassment. Hugs :grouphug: for all the nycity dancers, it is such a tough place. Hugs for everyone. I hated those men too! But I realized that it's their behavior I hate, not them. Pity them, freely feel disgusted by them but don't hate, it only adds to the trauma. Not worth your precious energy.
Sophia_Starina
12-19-2013, 11:51 AM
I swear Nyc is hell's portal or something... The NY club scene has a way of breaking the strongest of spirits. I couldn't justify putting myself through that degree and amount of harassment.
Hugs :grouphug: for all the nycity dancers, it is such a tough place. Hugs for everyone. I hated those men too! But I realized that it's their behavior I hate, not them. Pity them, freely feel disgusted by them but don't hate, it only adds to the trauma. Not worth your precious energy.
:hug: Hugs to you too. Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you went through all of that stress. I feel for you.
I'll definitely be linking this thread when the next batch of "Omg, I sooooo wanna work at a NYC Club!" posts inundate the site.
Djoser
12-19-2013, 12:01 PM
I do bitch moves.
EXAMPLE: Was at Old Navy with my MOTHER. This guy starts hitting on me hard in front of my mother. Said something inappropriate about what I was wearing (yoga pants and a sweater with a god damn walrus on it) and how I looked so "mm good." Mom was obviously uncomfortable. I told him I'm just visiting my mom for the hoildays. Trying to hint that I'm not interested. He goes, "oh well after the hoildays and you come visit again let me take you to the club."
"Yeah TOTES!" as I laugh my ass off and walked out of the store with mom laughing as well.
What is TOTES?
I know, I should just Google it haha
Aniela
12-19-2013, 12:14 PM
What is TOTES?
I know, I should just Google it haha
Just looked it up, I was curious too
Djoser
12-19-2013, 12:30 PM
Aha I thought it was a club or a store of some kind, like someplace a guy would not want to take a date. Like substitute this:
'He goes, "oh well after the hoildays and you come visit again let me take you to the club."
"Yeah Chuck-E-Cheeze!" as I laugh my ass off and walked out of the store with mom laughing as well." '
Aniela
12-19-2013, 12:39 PM
Aha I thought it was a club or a store of some kind, like someplace a guy would not want to take a date. Like substitute this:
'He goes, "oh well after the hoildays and you come visit again let me take you to the club."
"Yeah Chuck-E-Cheeze!" as I laugh my ass off and walked out of the store with mom laughing as well." '
I will have to save that for if I am ever out w/ my mother & this happens :rofl:
HaydenBlue
12-22-2013, 05:48 PM
I'm not a stripper but I've had my fair share of street harassment.
- Walking down the street with headphones in to the store. I didn't know it but some guy had come out of his apartment, walked out to the sidewalk to tap me on the shoulder. I turn around and it's this 20yr old kid, face, hands and wife beater with Cheetos dust all over, barefoot, high - and tells me I'm sexy and wanted to know if I'll have a good time with him. Um lol no.
- was at a friends house and walking outside her father follows me outside to ask for my name, number and that I look "damn good"
- I was walking to a 7-11 and I walked past a car, guy gets out yells as me, he was obviously fucked up on something, follows me and basically corners me down an opposite street (I was trying to go a different direction hoping he'd leave me alone) I kept screaming at him to leave me alone and to go away, I had to call my roommate to come get me.
- sooo many disgustingly obvious stares and the yelling "you're sexy / il show you a good time" or just "HEY!!! Hey! Hey!" And no response from me gets me a "fuck you bitch" like I'm the awful one. Getting followed is the worst...one guy yelled and followed me down half the street out of his porch, "hey you, girl - the redhead!!" And I just ignored it kept going, then he yells back that I'm a dumb bitch.
- cars slowing down, horn honking.
- guys who don't understand "no / not interested" I repeatedly told a guy I wasn't interested. I was in a relationship at the time - I have a bf I said - he says "well you better get rid of him and get with me." And was being really fucking pushy about giving me his number.
- recently I was shopping in Walmart. A guy in his 30s with his group of friends come up to me. The ringleader asks me flat out if I'm pregnant. I said "haha nope just fat" trying to play it off hoping he'd just leave me alone. He presses and asks me if I'd go back with him and his friends. I say "no I have a boyfriend" and kept shopping and trying to just ignore him. he twisted what I said and very loudly says while looking back at his friends "oh fellas she said BoyfriendSSS - she has multiples." And then the guys behind him laugh and said I should add them to my "list". It was awful. I got away from them and cried in another isle.
I carry pepper spray but I'm wanting get some lessons down at a range and get my conceal carry. After so many times of bull like this happening you just don't feel safe....I'm constantly looking over my shoulder when I'm out by myself.
AmethystLily
12-23-2013, 10:12 AM
http://i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me.tumblr.com/
I thought I'd share this link for anybody who thinks, even for a minute, that we're asking for harassment. It doesn't make misogyny more acceptable, but please don't blame yourselves, or someone else for another person's poor choices. Someone else basically said that rather than teaching girls not to get raped, we should be teaching men not to rape. BTW, I was the anon that posted the sex worker thing. I actually posted it before I saw this thread, but I didn't think they would publish it so soon, because typically submissions can take up to four months to be published, since there's such a high volume.
There are some positive examples in this blog as well. It's just kind of sad that there's only a small handful, but they're there.
Aniela
12-23-2013, 09:54 PM
I have had a couple ppl (& not just guys either -- can't win!) recently imply that there must be smtg wrong w/ a 'young attractive female' not wanting to date ... was I gay????? Was I raped????? JFC. It's shitsacks like the guys in that tumblr thread that have made me give up completely. I have seen too many guys' true colours come out ITC & outside of it. I just want whatever I have w/ the very very few truly decent guys I know, & to otherwise be left the F alone.
Trixia
12-24-2013, 02:57 PM
Guys are just stupid. Pulled up to Starbucks today and two guys on the patio are already eyefucking me before I even got out of my car. 15 mins later as I'm leaving with my coffee and I'm walking past the whole, "excuse me miss" starts happening. I keep walking they keep talking. His opening line ends up being how I should make sure the guy @ the carwash cleans my headlights better because they are foggy.
Seriously? Your opener is about my car headlights?
So I tell him as I'm walking away since I never stopped that he's welcome to grab a rag and clean them himself lol. Too which he declined the offer.
At least it wasn't nice ass. But the quality of pickup lines is just awful. Sometimes I get more offended that they even tried and not because of what they say.
Selina M
12-24-2013, 04:27 PM
What baffles me is how they are super persistent even when another guy is with a girl.
I was at a bar with 2 girls and a guy friend, who always acts as my bf. Some drunk asshole starts telling me "You look like my girlfriend"; I said no and avoided eye contact, he repeated his line like 5 times before I said "No, I'm HIS girlfriend, so back off". The idiot looks my friend up and down, and continues with his stupid line -_- My friend lost his temper, said "Are you fucking deaf man?" and the asshole would have thrown a punch had one of the girls not thrown a drink in his face.
It seriously pissed me off that he could not respect a) the fact that I said no about 7 times and b) that he didn't even respect the boyfriend.
I've had guys ask if I had a boyfriend, then ask for a physical description and say "I can take him". Oh okay, so if you can beat him up that means I'm yours? What the fuck?
And my all-time favorite has to be the stranger who taps you on the shoulder and hands you a shot. Like, really, you think I'm gonna drink that without seeing it poured? Then they get all butthurt when you won't take it. Pardon me for not wanting to get drugged and raped.
Aniela
12-25-2013, 02:28 AM
^^^^Any stranger who walks up behind a girl offering a drink, & actually expecting her to ingest it, should end up wearing it. They certainly do when they do it to me.
Selina M
12-25-2013, 10:03 AM
^^ It's funny how many of them don't even think about how what has to go through our heads when they offer us a drink. They think we're just being bitches, it doesn't even occur to them that we're having to watch out for drugged drinks.
I explained this to my bf the other day; he got the best expression on his face and went "Damn, girls really have to worry about a lot of shit." Why yes, yes we do.
Trixia
12-25-2013, 10:19 AM
A lot of girls don't even think about that though sadly. They are just like yaaaaayyy shoooootttss!
BellaK
01-11-2014, 06:48 PM
^^^^Any stranger who walks up behind a girl offering a drink, & actually expecting her to ingest it, should end up wearing it. They certainly do when they do it to me.
Haha nothing funnier than a drink thrown on a guy, Ive done it a few times and enjoyed every. single. minute. cause they were assholes. ;D8)
Almost Jaded
01-12-2014, 02:39 AM
Seeing this stuff, hearing this stuff, makes me hate men too, lol. I have way more female friends than make, and most of them are younger and attractive just by virtue of my social circle and my wife. I see this shit all the time. It's disgusting.
On the one hand, it benefits guys with some taste and respect - we stand out. On the other hand, we also get vilified a lot by association. When that happens I will back ff and apologize, nothing more can be done. :shrug:
Funny side effect though - I"ve landed a couple dates just by leeping to myself but watching/listening to these kinds of exchanges and afterward asking the woman how she tolerates men in general and striking up a conversation and letting her vent, lol.
starlily
01-28-2014, 03:08 PM
Yeah I really lucked out meeting him. It probably hurts my business but when customers ask if I have a boyfriend I always say yes. I just can't sweep my darlin' under the rug like that and besides, I'd rather have a customer lose interest and leave me alone than push me to go out with him a million times after I've already said no. Now, more than ever, I just want them to know I'm NOT available for anything more than dancing. And then customers are like, "Well if I was your boyfriend I wouldn't let you work here." And I say, "HAHA yep, that's why I'm with him and not you."
The pashmina that came in the mail was not the one I ordered and looked tacky as fuck so I never wore it. It probably would have worked though, judging by the fact that I hardly get hit on at all when my hood is up. They seem less likely to be all "damn girl" when all they see is half your face peeping out from a scarf and fat winter parka. Yay winter.
Yet some gigantic dude followed me home at 3 in the morning the other night saying he was an "entrepreneur" and that he just wanted me to "think something over." I tried to be polite because there was noooobody around and I didn't want him to get mad and leave my body in a dumpster somewhere. He demanded my number, I said my bf wouldn't be too happy if I gave my number to random guys. He get really insistent about it and was like "And don't give me a fake one, I'll KNOW if it's fake." It was kind of scary but I'm also resigned to the fact that there's nowhere outside my apartment that I'll be safe from harassment unless I have my man accompanying me.
Well it's been a few months and I feel a little better. I'm stripping again- not really enjoying it when I'm sober, but not crying every time I have to go in like I used to. I'm making enough money to survive until I get a day job. I'm starting to care about my hair, makeup, and clothing again, so that's exciting. My fashion preferences have transformed a lot since my style has been on hiatus. I used to like really girly stuff and cute lil dresses, now I just want to wear black and look sleek. Excited just to care again!
Starling
01-28-2014, 03:32 PM
Well it's been a few months and I feel a little better. I'm stripping again- not really enjoying it when I'm sober, but not crying every time I have to go in like I used to. I'm making enough money to survive until I get a day job. I'm starting to care about my hair, makeup, and clothing again, so that's exciting.
That's great to hear! I had to take time off. It took me months to really feel more normal again. I barely danced in that time. I would just go into a club I trusted once in a while to make cash to pay some bills.
That's really scary about that big guy. There were times when I was out by myself late at night and randomly a guy would say something to me from across the street or nearby and then I would start talking and yelling randomly to myself and they'd stop and go away. Maybe you could try this, just don't break out of character. If they think you're a crazy they'll probably leave you alone.
Belleoftheball
02-21-2014, 03:21 AM
This sounds like my thoughts exactly...almost scary even. I have to show my bf this so he sees I'm actually not the only one who feels this way, even though I assumed I was. I hate the sexual attention too.
ytqclys
02-21-2014, 12:28 PM
Have dancers ever gotten together in a club to stop this shit? Agreed on what is and isn't OK custy behavior, and put the bouncers on notice that, if offenders are not ejected from the club, then zero tip out for the bouncers?
Sadly to say, we, the human race, are pretty lame. Women don't stick up for each other generally speaking. Plenty of women will also be like yea, she dressed like a slut, she had it coming etc.
Vyanka
02-21-2014, 01:22 PM
OP, sorry you went through that.
The ones who should be getting arrested are these fucking slimey ass hosts. They encourage it hard core even when a decent customer isn't asking for anything. I hate most hosts with a passion. I work in NYC as well. It can be extremely tough with these jerks making it tougher. Hosts make it so hard! I've been kicked out of tables and rooms with respectable guys bc slimeball hosts threw in their fkn prostitutes. I have NO problem cursing these hosts out. I have plenty of times.
Prostitution is out of control here. It's in your face, raw, and cheap. I've seen it in every club. Every club is gonna be tough and dirty. Taking little breaks and club hopping helps me.
If I could I would travel too but can't at the moment. This city is mind draining.
Hugs to you. Sorry about your experience. Xo
starlily
02-21-2014, 02:07 PM
^MHMM. Everyone in NYC has this starving predator mentality and the hosts are the worst, because while the dancer is back there sucking dick the host is somehow justified in making money off it? I hate hosts.
Vyanka
02-21-2014, 02:30 PM
^MHMM. Everyone in NYC has this starving predator mentality and the hosts are the worst, because while the dancer is back there sucking dick the host is somehow justified in making money off it? I hate hosts.
Yes. The hosts are mostly the starving predators. Idkw bc they make sick ass money. I've had two tell me how great their income is. All while running a fkn tab and suggesting who does what. I sware. The worst host in that club has a daughter. Karma is a bitch.
These girls are fucking retarded too. Most of that money goes to hosts and back to the club. As you know already, tip out isn't cheap either. Then there's the percentage the club takes after cashing funny money.
Sad part is, they can make money without doing all of that shit. Hell. There would be more money. They're cheapening everything.
MarvelGirl
02-24-2014, 01:13 PM
I admit I kind of hate men now. People who know me would probably laugh at that because I have sons and a husband and boyfriend and I love all of them very much.
I just want men I don't know to leave me alone. If there's a man working somewhere and I need to interact with him, I'm totally cool with that. I'll be polite and friendly and it's no big deal.
But if a man approaches me and tries to make small talk, I just want him to leave me alone and I'll tell him that. I don't want to be hit on. I don't want to be flirted with. Go away and leave me alone and if you won't, I'll go ask someone for help making you go away. I don't owe anybody anything.
And if they touch me... Oh god help them if they actually think they can put their hands on me and get away with it. The level of entitlement some men feel towards random strangers astounds me.
MarvelGirl
02-24-2014, 01:22 PM
What about wearing headphones and pretending to be listening to music?
TheOne
I've had men walk up to me and jerk an earbud out of my ear so they can talk to me. Not while walking through a bad neighborhood either. I'm talking about while in a nice gym or the grocery store in a good area.
Then they act like I'm a crazy bitch when I jerk away from them and yell at them to get their hands off of me.
MarvelGirl
02-24-2014, 09:06 PM
I don't know if a knife is the best weapon but I fully endorse being armed.
I have stun guns that look like a cell phone and a pack of cigarettes that will knock a grown man on his ass and give me plenty of time to get away. The cigarette box one cost me $25 and it literally looks exactly like a pack of cigarettes. You can even choose which brand you want it to look like.
I just carry it when I have to walk somewhere alone. It looks like I'm carrying my smokes but if someone comes at me, BAM! I don't give a rat's ass about getting arrested for it either. I've been raped before. I'm going to do everything I can to stop it from happening again.
AlexiaRoss
01-01-2016, 02:35 PM
I came to this thread because I had an incredibly upsetting NYE. & I have been trying to put together what I have experienced and have been reading through this thread. I am a camgirl and I get annoyed with the actions from guys on cam, but ater reading through this thread I am starting to agree thats it the IRL douchebags who make lame disgusting pick up lines, and make me cringe and hate men with everything I have.
I dont hate ALL men actually, I have a son and am married. I love those two men more than anything. But last night I was at a new years event at a downtown club in my city. I have been to this venue before and my husband and I always go to events toigether. Never once have we been separated even at a busy place. Last night I had two mixed drinks made from the female bartender at the club. I dont recall ever leaving my drink alone. I was texting my friend and all of a sudden its blacked out, and I wake up an hour and a half later with a bunch of creepy creepy fuck boys surrounding me. I had no cell phone. All my personal information in that phone was gone. I had no way to get ahold of my husband or anyone. I tried to ask for help, and all I got was "Mmm what do you need to find your husband for? You can sleep in my bed!" Or... hmm I want to help you but I cant support a women as beautiful as you being married if it isnt to me. Like im crying and scared and you are making sexual advances at me? so disgusting.
I find my husband blacked out in our car an hour later, h had no recollection of what happened either. Its clear we were given GHB (date rape drug) I dont think we were assaulted but they wanted us to be seperated.
I dont want to hate men, but after last night I am starting to really not be sure in my faith in humanity.
culitos
01-01-2016, 02:53 PM
I came to this thread because I had an incredibly upsetting NYE. & I have been trying to put together what I have experienced and have been reading through this thread. I am a camgirl and I get annoyed with the actions from guys on cam, but ater reading through this thread I am starting to agree thats it the IRL douchebags who make lame disgusting pick up lines, and make me cringe and hate men with everything I have.
I dont hate ALL men actually, I have a son and am married. I love those two men more than anything. But last night I was at a new years event at a downtown club in my city. I have been to this venue before and my husband and I always go to events toigether. Never once have we been separated even at a busy place. Last night I had two mixed drinks made from the female bartender at the club. I dont recall ever leaving my drink alone. I was texting my friend and all of a sudden its blacked out, and I wake up an hour and a half later with a bunch of creepy creepy fuck boys surrounding me. I had no cell phone. All my personal information in that phone was gone. I had no way to get ahold of my husband or anyone. I tried to ask for help, and all I got was "Mmm what do you need to find your husband for? You can sleep in my bed!" Or... hmm I want to help you but I cant support a women as beautiful as you being married if it isnt to me. Like im crying and scared and you are making sexual advances at me? so disgusting.
I find my husband blacked out in our car an hour later, h had no recollection of what happened either. Its clear we were given GHB (date rape drug) I dont think we were assaulted but they wanted us to be seperated.
I dont want to hate men, but after last night I am starting to really not be sure in my faith in humanity.
That's so scary, I'm so sorry that happened to you. PLEASE you and your husband go to the hospital ASAP and have them use a rape kit on you. Even if you don't think they did anything, its better to know for sure. Also I would go back to that bar and complain. Have them look thru the cameras. Best of luck hun.
AlexiaRoss
01-01-2016, 03:10 PM
Thank you! Yes we are going to the hospital and I am filing a complaint at the bar. I was hoping to get my phone turned in but it doesn't look likely. I honestly just feel so violated and disgusted. I never go out anymore since I have a toddler, so when I do get a night off, I am going to rethink how I spend it from now on
culitos
01-01-2016, 03:22 PM
^ also something I just thought of that I would like to add... Check all your credit card info and make sure that there's no suspicious activity on it. Again that sucks and I'm sorry. It is sad that there are so many predatory people out there doing shit like this when you're supposed to be letting loose. I'm sure karma will get them back though.
Bahuba
01-02-2016, 06:57 AM
Alexia please please report this to police, and go after these people hard. They've done this before.
AlexiaRoss
01-02-2016, 12:10 PM
I went to the hospital and had some tests done, and am looking into pursuing a police report and possibly pressing charges. Thanks ladies! I appreciate your kindness. I too believe these people have done this before. It was very calculated.