View Full Version : i hate my life, I dont want to live anymore, this cam girl needs advice
kortneykay
12-22-2013, 04:58 PM
Forgot to add. PLEASE. Do NOT let any other man "promise" to teach you anything. 99.9% of them will want something in return and we both know what that is. Try reading some self-help books on breaking the binds of co-dependency, bb. The only person who should teach you how to drive is a legit, driving instructor. For your payment, they will teach you everything you need to know, including one on one behind the wheel training and will even let you take your actual drivers test WITH them. Get the idea of getting help from men out of your head unless they are financially paying to see you on cam by the minute.
Procrasturbator
12-22-2013, 05:04 PM
So many women have posted so much helpful advice already... all I can do is share my experience. I'll try to make this as short as possible but to get the point across this will probably still be pretty long. To get right to the advice you can scroll down to the asterisks.
Your first post reminds me A LOT of myself in my late teens. My family never prepared me to be an adult--without getting into boring, depressing detail they pretty much simultaneously kept me dependent on them and shamed me for it. I spent years of my life miserable, more or less friendless (I also left high school early and when I was 17 almost all of my friends moved away for college), without any structure in my day or anything to look forward to. I had no faith in myself or my ability to take care of myself, or do anything, really... even when I came into almost $10,000 at 18 I was too terrified to do anything for myself. That money just sat in my bank account and/or was wasted on stupid, pointless things.
There's this thing called learned helplessness. Basically when you've spent enough time being told (or finding out firsthand) that you can't help yourself, that there's no way out, that nothing you do makes a difference, etc you internalize it and you stop trying. If I had that $10,000 now... holy shit, would I make good use of that money. That was more than enough for driving lessons, a car, many months' rent, etc. But back then I'd spent pretty much my entire life learning again and again that nothing I did would ever make a difference. That there was no point in even trying--that it was better, more comfortable, even, to stop getting my hopes up. I distracted myself from my situation with various self-destructive behavior (including a years-long eating disorder--felt pretty amazing to control something, even if it was killing me) and daydreaming. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because I didn't want to die in that house, and I just couldn't let go of the hope that maybe it would someday get better. Why suffer for years if your story ends there?
And then I got out. It wasn't because of anything that I did... I was too caught up in my own inaction. I waited for almost 20 years for someone to come save me and someone finally did. They took me in and I basically got a crash course in how to be a functioning adult, and a little over a year later I struck out on my own. I am so grateful that they saved me. I am so so so happy that I didn't kill myself like I'd been fantasizing about since I was a toddler. I honestly can't express how glad I am that I finally got the fuck out of there, that I got the chance to find out that I am stronger and more capable than I ever could have dreamed. That outside of that fucking house and away from those people I can see how wrong they were about me and how fucked up my perceptions about myself and the world had become. I'm telling you this because you haven't gotten to that point yet. You probably can't even quite imagine what it would be like and maybe you doubt that you're capable of getting to that point.
Unfortunately, I don't think anyone's coming to save you so you're going to have to save yourself. It is going to be so scary but if you're not uncomfortable then you're not growing. Comfort is the enemy--it's stagnation, inertia. It will kill you if you let it.
**********************
Knowing what I know now, if I were in your shoes, this is what I would do:
- Don't count on some man to help you. They want sex from you, trust me. That's the reason they're offering to help you and not the homeless dude on the corner.
- If you really feel that you are in immediate physical danger, pack a bag and leave. Go to a women's shelter, find someone on Craigslist who will trade a room for babysitting or something, sleep on the street, just go. You can't help yourself if you're dead.
- If you don't think you're in immediate physical danger, plan your escape. I would NOT let him know that you're planning to leave! Even if you've already threatened it, let him think it was an empty threat. Let him think that he's won and everything is normal.
- You need money. Why are you making only $10/day? Is it your Internet connection? (Check your feed!) I honestly can't think of any other reason you would consistently make so little if you're working regularly. Camming Connection is an amazing resource for increasing your earnings. If it's your connection you can make clips at home then upload them (a smooth stream won't matter.) This (https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?188979-I-dont-think-camming-is-working-out-for-me-but-i-feel-my-job-options-are-limited) is also an excellent thread on other work at home jobs. Do what you have to do to keep your increased income a secret.
- Figure out how much you need to get out. I would suggest looking at weekly rentals to start (hell, I live in one and I love it.) In my area you can get an apt with utilities included for $150-200/week without needing to put down a deposit, references or employment, etc. Alternatively, go on Craigslist and look at rooms in your area (clear your history afterward!!) to judge what they're going for. Assume that you'll need to pay first, last, and deposit (so a month's rent times 3.) Add in a few hundred more for moving expenses, food, etc til you get on your feet. Just do your research, figure out what you want to do and come up with a number.
- Once you're ready to go I would time it for when he's out of town. If you have to leave you have to leave but it will be a hell of a lot easier if you can just quietly disappear while he's away vs having to deal with him trying to stop you. If he realizes that you're serious he will probably get violent.
Sorry for the novel. I just see a lot of my younger self in you and I want you to get out safely. Good luck.
CourtneyRaine
12-22-2013, 05:06 PM
Yes, please listen to the girls who said to NOT tell your boyfriend your plan to leave! Statistics show that over 70% of women who are injured in domestic violence cases are assaulted immediately AFTER they leave the relationship. It's because the abuser knows they are quickly losing control and become desperate to keep their partner, and this desperation will drive them to do very extreme things. I have experienced this firsthand, both as a child when my mother took me and left my father, and in my own adult relationship when I was nearly KILLED after trying to break up with my then fiance and get him to leave my home. KEEP YOUR PLAN TO LEAVE A SECRET. If this guy is gone for two weeks at a time that really should be easy to do. If you are still camming then switch your payment method to something he doesn't know about so he can't track how much income and savings you have. Use the bus to go look at a room or apartment once you have enough for a deposit. If this guy has been the sole provider for the household thus far the good news is that every cent you make can go directly to your escape fund so it should not take you long to save at all. I know going to a shelter sounds like a very scary thing because many shelters have a bad reputation for not being safe, but I have a friend who lived in a shelter with her two kids and she told me it was like her own apartment, they had a lock on their door and everything (although I'm not sure how much women's shelters differ from those for women and children, and I'm sure it varies by state). School is a great thing to build up to but first you need to be in a safe environment where he cannot find you, and you need to make your own income so that you never have to rely on another person who can potentially take advantage of you like this.
AliceFun
12-22-2013, 05:08 PM
She is not writing back anymore, i wonder why?! Hope she is safe??!!
BlondebombGA
12-22-2013, 05:27 PM
Asia Barbie, I have been there...at 22. I wasn't camming then, but that really isn't the core of your issue. I am pasting an excerpt from something I wrote last year on my 38th birthday about the beauty of getting older and about how FAST life goes by. I hope it gives you some perspective and something to seriously think about.
"When I was 22, I was in an abusive relationship and stuck, stuck, stuck. I look back now and can't believe I let someone like that take 5 years of my precious youth away. But at the time, I was struggling with self confidence, was broke and didn't realize that TOMORROW I would be 38. Are you 22 year old me right now? Well then f*ck him and get out now. You are so much better than that, no matter how he makes you feel, being alone isn't as scary as it seems, and 16 years from now, it will seem ridiculous. You will be so much more powerful, and the only memory of Sir le douche will be when your subconscious allows you the occasional gift of kicking his ass while you dream. ( I really love those)...or you can wake up next to this person who has dampened your fire to feel better about his miserable, loser life, wishing, regretting, destroyed forever."
BlondebombGA
12-22-2013, 05:28 PM
Eerily fits doesn't it?? Your life can be wonderful, but you have some really tough decisions to make. It will be one of the hardest most torturous things you ever do, but I PROMISE you it will make you the strong capable women I know you are. He destroyed me, and when I finally was able to get away from him at 25 I was a shell of the young woman I had been before him. But honey, it is the greatest thing I have ever and will ever do for my life. My life alone and FREE is absolutely beautiful now unlike the different dark path it would have taken had I never found that valuable girl inside of me who realized she had had enough. I had come to the point where either I took the steps immediately to get out broke, alone, scared, and hopeless, be dead by my hands or his, or in prison for murdering him. I knew I was slowly losing my mind, and I just suddenly had this realization of what a F*CKING loser he was.
BlondebombGA
12-22-2013, 05:28 PM
If you are going to be miserable well at least being miserable alone is better. And everytime he does something to kill your fight, your spirit, your confidence you just remember he is doing it because he realizes how much more powerful and beautiful you are than him, and he is scared if you know it you will leave him. I know this because my ex nightmare wrote this to me in an email (that went unanswered) a year after I got away from him admitting the reason for his behavior.
Do not give this man another ounce of your power. People are out there that will help you. DO NOT let him know any plans of leaving. You simply get out with the bare essentials while he is away from home, and leave a note. And then this is the important part...you never ever ever ever ever have contact with him again. Not emails, phone calls, messages through mutual friends...nada. It has been 14 years since it ended. The emails have lessened, but I still get them occasionally, and I have never answered one nor will I ever. That would be giving him power, and I'll be damned if he gets another morsel from me ever again. You can do this, in fact you MUST do this. Contact abuse hotlines, churches...anyone. Emotional abuse can be worse than physical, so never downplay the violence he is doing to your soul. You can do this.
KimKlass
12-22-2013, 07:04 PM
You did for your dog what you should do for yourself- get out of an abusive environment. Are you not at least just as important as your dog? Don't you also deserve to live in a non-abusive household?
No matter what he tells you, you do NOT NEED HIM. I'm sure he has taken your self-confidence and battered it into the ground. But you have to recognize that you allowed it to happen, as many women (and men) have done since the beginning of time, and you continue to do so as long as you stay with him. At some point, you become not a victim; but a volunteer. Are you going to keep volunteering yourself for this garbage? Or are you going to choose to be a victor? Believe it or not, that choice is down to you and you only. You are worth more, no matter what nonsense he drills into your head.
Domestic violence victims tend to reject all help until they are ready to take it, unfortunately. I hope that soon you decide you've had enough and want to take action. We'll be here when you do.
IsobelWren
12-22-2013, 08:14 PM
I fully appreciate what you're going through and it's a horrible thing, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through it. Please don't think I'm being insensitive, but I'm going to move this thread to Life Support, since it doesn't really directly pertain to camming. I think that you're going to get a lot of really good replies in there to add to the support that you've already received.
DonaDiabla
12-22-2013, 08:31 PM
I have been a cam girl for a year now. I started because I wanted the money to buy my own things. I have lived with my boyfriend since I was 18 and we have dated since i was 17. I am now 22.
I never got to graduated high school (my senior year) because that year I did not live with my guardians, I needed them to register me in this state. (I don't have parents) So, I obtained my GED.
I wanted to go to college and live on campus......but my bf said if I do he will leave me. I have no family, we do not talk and when I was 17 my aunt told me I am scum and will never amount to anything. I feel like I sit here daily and my life wastes away. Most days I am confused I dont know what day it is, or I think I am a year older than I actually am. I want to go out, party and have fun. I want to know what it is like to feel happy. I feel like he took the best years of my life.
I have no friends at all, I cant remember the last time I even walked outside. I've been friendless for so many years. I am inside the apartment all day, everyday. My bf is a truck driver so i am alone for up to 2 weeks at a time. I don't pay any bills, but I want to, I want to be independent. It is really depressing. Sometimes I take sleeping pills just to make the time pass. The only life I have is camming, where i have to pretend to be happy, sexy, fun while having this upbeat persona of "HER"...when ultimately I wish I could be her.
We have been together for over 6 years and he has NEVER taught me to drive or help me get a car so that i can get a job. He has a nice car, cleans it weekly and shines it. But he will not make time to teach me. I have had my learners permit for 8 months now too. I get soooo jealous of people in college, or those with cars. I get depressed seeing people with their families around the holidays opening gifts, hanging up decorations. I get angry when I see couples going out to eat together, going on vacations, taking pictures together and just playing around. That is the life I want.
I did have a dog that made me happier, but all he did was complain about the dog and yell at it when we would get into arguments. the dog would get scared and shaky...he would run to me terrified. I had to make the decision to give him up to a better environment.
How can i make the choice to better myself when I don't have anyone helping me to do so?? I knew a guy who was going to help me but he tried to have sex with me constantly. It made me sick so I cut him off. There is this other guy whom I met online....he said he will teach me and WILL NOT try to have sex with me. I know its strange meeting people online to help me....but its the only option I have to better myself and live the life I want to live.
My boyfriend said if I leave him I am going to want to come back, or that I will get pregnant or I will see how hard life really is paying bills on my own.
I am alive but I am not living. When I was 15 I dreamed of going to college....and being a social worker to help kids who are growing up in the same situations I once did.
I was once so sure of who I was, but now I don't know who I am.
AsiaBarbie, I would say that I am sorry that you are going through this but you need to ask yourself a few things.
1. Do you make enough money to support yourself?
If not, you need to start looking for a part-time vanilla or adult industry job in addition to cam modeling. That way you can get outside of the house, make some extra money, and meet new people.
2. Do you want to be a victim for the rest of your life?
If not, you need to make a exit plan in order to get out this bad situation. Maybe even see if you can talk to a domestic violence group to help you get out of that situation.
3. Do you want to become a independent woman?
If so, you need to start looking for a car to rent so you can start learning how to drive a car. You need to start making a plan for your life and leaving this asshole because he will keep you hang on. He sounds like the older man who took advantage of a young teenage girl with a bad family life. Now he is controlling your life. Please do not allow him to control you.
4. Do you want to change your life?
If so, please enroll in a community college, search for a room to rent, look for a part-time job( Stripper to telemarker positions in your area), seek out domestic violence groups to help you get out, and learn how to drive.
Also you deserve a man who treat you right and not to prey on your youth. Also find a domestic violence hotline that can help you make a new life yourself. Hugs!!!
Sunnylexie
12-22-2013, 08:46 PM
He made you get rid of your dog, he keeps breaking your things? Looks like he doesn't want you to have any possessions of your own. You know who doesn't have any possessions? SLAVES. Better run, asap, anywhere. You might be thinking you're gonna have it hard without him, but can you have it any harder than an actual slave? Mind it's gonna only get worse, for me, the things you're telling about were just the beginning.
At some point, when I understood my life was under threat, I borrowed some money and ran away to another city, with nothing but a handbag. I made sure noone had my contacts or knew where I went. It was only after a few months that I wrote a letter to my family, and until I heard back from them I was having nightmares about my ex killing or hurting them while hunting for me. And you know what? Even though I literally had nothing, I managed to find a job and a place to live in, new friends, and a new boyfriend. If it proved possible for me, it's gonna be possible for you. Since you cam, you probably could find a studio that provides housing (in Russia, there's quite a number of them but I don't know if they are a thing where you are)?
JaneBurgess
12-22-2013, 10:41 PM
Wow. Where do you live? There are shelters and programs for women that want to leave an abusive relationship. He doesnt sound supportive at all and you really need to make a plan to leave. You deserve a life that doesnt include breaking your stuff, being hit and having him cut you off from life. Thats what abusers do and you are so young you can start over.
asiabarbie
12-23-2013, 03:19 AM
to everyone who replied, thank you so much for the advice it really means a lot to me.
apryll11
12-23-2013, 05:20 AM
I am not sure if you've ever been in an abusive relationship but there is no 'laziness' going on here. You essentially have another human being mentally (and sometimes physically) breaking you down to the point you are unable to known your own mind. They change reality on you and make it as so you are so confused that it is almost impossible to be able to think logically. For all intensive purposes you are being brainwashed in the same way (and pretty much using the same techniques) as someone in a cult is.
I have been in an abusive relationship.No one needs to give me a lesson of the joys that go along with it.
I never met a brainwashed person (who wasn't plotting escape) who complained but ever day is something new. Perhaps its how I read it but It didnt sound like she wanted to get the fuck out but she wanted to be self reliant and contribute to the household and have a life outside him and caming. She is well aware of her mind, she typed it out.
If she is in an abusive relationship, she has up to 2 weeks a month to pack her shit and get the fuck out. I was never aloud to be unsupervised, once I was aloud to piss alone with the door opened, which honestly looking back it was dumb but I was happy in that moment.
She wants to go to clubs, she wants to go to college, thoughts of anything other then "this" were beaten out of me on the kitchen floor. Her mindset was a shitload better then mine, hopes and dreams would have been needed to be defined for me.
Not to give a whole boo woo woe is me tail because there are women out there who are being trapped ( in a basement), are working but have all their money taken, forced in to prostitution or wont leave the house because lets face it mac cant cover every black eye.
Sorry got side track and lost my point of thought but anyways, I never stated she was Lazy because she never left her abusive relationship, her op was her aunt called her scum 6 yrs ago, her boyfriend wont teach her to drive but he has a fancy car, she want to be independent, she dreams of going to college but wont leave the house , all the happy couples make her sick and she want s to be happy like her cam persona. I did not read anything about abuse and her need to leave, I read " I want to be independent and I'm left alone for up to 2weeks at a time", my response was the 2nd or 3rd, if she said something after towards that affect. I didnt read it to give a comment on. I would never call anyone lazy who is being abused. I spent 248 days of my life actively running in fear, I understand the trial.
OliveJardin
12-23-2013, 06:48 AM
contact the salvation army - women and children center - call the suicide hotline - they may have help available for you - do whatever youneed to do to get out of there
^I second this. There is help available and you deserve it-no matter what he says.
Nikki_Fox
12-23-2013, 08:25 AM
to everyone who replied, thank you so much for the advice it really means a lot to me.
Glad you checked in with us - as you see you have a lot of women here for support - it will get better -no one can take that first step for you - you have to do it for yourself but we will be here for you :)
KSnow
12-23-2013, 02:19 PM
I am not sure if someone else posted this because I didn't read thru everyone's post, but have you considered joining the military? I served a term and honestly, it was the best experience of my life. They teach you tons of skills, you get a steady, secure paycheck, discpline, and it honestly gives you the self-confidence that you may need. I am not trying to sound like a recruiter, and I would normally never give suggestions but instead give support. But if I were you, and was in your position, I would totally consider it. I mean, you won't ever have to worry about healthcare, a paycheck and a bonus, you will be able to leave your boyfriend and he cannot stop you. Also, if you really wanna go to school, the military pays for that. I had my bachelor's degree paid for and didnt have to rack up tons of debt.
If you wanna ask me more, just PM me and i can tell you more details about what life was lime for me in the military.
justanothercamgirl
12-23-2013, 03:27 PM
I am not sure if someone else posted this because I didn't read thru everyone's post, but have you considered joining the military?
I actually have a friend who also did the same thing to get away from an abusive man who was stalking her. She said that, to this day she thinks it is one of the best life choices she's ever made.
justanothercamgirl
12-23-2013, 03:30 PM
I have been in an abusive relationship.No one needs to give me a lesson of the joys that go along with it.
I never met a brainwashed person (who wasn't plotting escape) who complained but ever day is something new. Perhaps its how I read it but It didnt sound like she wanted to get the fuck out but she wanted to be self reliant and contribute to the household and have a life outside him and caming. She is well aware of her mind, she typed it out.
If she is in an abusive relationship, she has up to 2 weeks a month to pack her shit and get the fuck out. I was never aloud to be unsupervised, once I was aloud to piss alone with the door opened, which honestly looking back it was dumb but I was happy in that moment.
She wants to go to clubs, she wants to go to college, thoughts of anything other then "this" were beaten out of me on the kitchen floor. Her mindset was a shitload better then mine, hopes and dreams would have been needed to be defined for me.
Not to give a whole boo woo woe is me tail because there are women out there who are being trapped ( in a basement), are working but have all their money taken, forced in to prostitution or wont leave the house because lets face it mac cant cover every black eye.
Sorry got side track and lost my point of thought but anyways, I never stated she was Lazy because she never left her abusive relationship, her op was her aunt called her scum 6 yrs ago, her boyfriend wont teach her to drive but he has a fancy car, she want to be independent, she dreams of going to college but wont leave the house , all the happy couples make her sick and she want s to be happy like her cam persona. I did not read anything about abuse and her need to leave, I read " I want to be independent and I'm left alone for up to 2weeks at a time", my response was the 2nd or 3rd, if she said something after towards that affect. I didnt read it to give a comment on. I would never call anyone lazy who is being abused. I spent 248 days of my life actively running in fear, I understand the trial.
I just wanted to say that you are one incredibly strong women to have survived all of that. You definitely deserve kudos for it.
KSnow
12-23-2013, 04:08 PM
Yeah I wasn't in an abusive relationship when I joined the military, I was just in a crappy family situation and I needed to get away from it. Joining at 17 years old, you grow up because you have to be on your own and do a lot of hard things on your own, but it really defines your character, and makes you are strong person. And you become more confident in everything you do. I mean, I went to Iraq for god sakes...if I can do that, I can do anything.
But on another note, a lot of people get freaked about joining the military because of the deployments but if you enter a care field in the military that isn't mission critical, you won't be in harms way, and if you are, you get all the training and gear to protect yourself.
The OP can even enter field that relates to what she is interested in college wise, and if she decides to get out, she will already have the training to get a civie job....something to think about. :)
EvelynHeartsYou
12-23-2013, 04:51 PM
Another option, if perhaps a branch of the Armed Services isn't quite what you're looking for, is the AmeriCorps NCCC. It's a full-time residential national service program for 18-24 year olds. http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps/americorps-nccc However, applications take a long time and you have to apply months in advance so you would need to find a place to stay until the new term starts.
Also, here are some links to help you make sense of your present situation.
http://insidetherapy.com/codaloveaddict.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dependent_personality_disorder
http://www.ncfliving.org/bk_126_codependency1.php
http://www.coda.org/ (I very strongly urge you to try to find a CoDA group near you)
https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?184605-Don%92t-Make-Someone-the-Sole-Source-of-Your-Happiness
https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?183860-Beliefs-That-Make-You-an-Abuse-Victim
And pretty much read any thread Optimist has ever started, because she has a ton of great links and advice about helping others achieve happy relationships and self image.
SarahTime
12-23-2013, 07:10 PM
he is 50, when i met him i had no idea cause he looked so young i thought he was 22, i moved with him because i was homeless and i knew him he was buying me food and tampons before i ended up on the street at 17.
This man was 45 years old when he began dating you at 17???? HOLY what? That is old enough to be your father, easily. This is not a relationship, this is him controlling you. You are basically a prisoner of this sick excuse for a man!
If he is gone for 2 weeks at a time, that is your chance. RUN. You are better off in a women's shelter, getting a regular job and getting on your feet. If camming is only bringing you $10 a day you could be earning more at a normal job. Take a bus to a city FAR AWAY when he is gone.
Get online and look for resources in your state. You can apply for a lot of welfare and they can even help you with shelter if you qualify, which you probably do. Whatever you do, do SOMETHING.
Katie Desire
12-23-2013, 07:13 PM
Can you give us an update? We've all been really worried!
to everyone who replied, thank you so much for the advice it really means a lot to me.
Katie Desire
12-23-2013, 07:14 PM
Can you give us an update? We've all been really worried!
to everyone who replied, thank you so much for the advice it really means a lot to me.
eagle2
12-23-2013, 11:17 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I hope things get better. I don't know if this is something that is feasible for you, but have you ever considered joining the military? They'll provide you with a place to stay, and you will be able to earn money and possibly learn marketable skills for the future. On the down-side, you could be doing dangerous work, depending on which branch you join and which field you go into, but there are a lot of different options.
2 tons of fun
12-24-2013, 02:31 AM
What state are you in? If that were me I would become a dancer, so you can move out. If hes gone that long he wouldnt know anyway. You could possibly leave your work stuff in a locker at work. Maybe you could make friends with some girls at work and have them pick you up for awhile. Do you have a ID from the dmv?
xGeminix
12-26-2013, 06:14 AM
Perhaps join the army (GI bill), get a medical MOS, perhaps stay in the army. I am holiday block leave right now, and I have bittersweet emotions about the army, it's painful, but I know it's good for me in the end because I mature so much. Join reserves, if you don't want to do 4 years of it. Just do it, basic training that is. After I came out of basic training, life became a lot easier to handle because I went through some tough crap in basic, and I have more discipline now. I feel like Tomb Raider (seriously) and Britney Spears at times, and powerful. I don't need anyone now, and if I do fall in love with someone it's for a good reason.
free food, free medical, free housing, free training, decent wages.
You would have nothing to lose but everything to gain. It would be tough, but it's the quickest way to get out of that situation in a heartbeat.
Most importantly, leave him. That's not healthy.
Odette
12-27-2013, 11:53 AM
Just wanted to say I hope you're ok asiabarbie. I hope that you've gotten away, or are working on a plan. I don't have a lot of advice but the other women here have given you some great words of wisdom, whatever you chose to do, you do need to get out of this situation.
It may seem scary to have to completely re-write your "life" so to speak, to "start over", but it can be done. There are many strong women on this board whom you can look to for examples. There are a lot of unknowns facing you right now, but the first thing you have to do is start. Take one step every day towards making your life the life you want it to be. As you get stronger you will be able to take more steps in each day, but start small. Coming to this forum was a great first step. The next ones are you planning how you are going to get out. Don't even think about anything else right now, break things down into tiny steps so you can focus on them. Please keep us updated so we know you're safe!
shasta
12-27-2013, 12:38 PM
Do you have a bicycle? If I were you I would just take what I could and walk, and keep walking. It is amazing what happens to us when we are out of our comfort zone. You are way stronger than you think.
Aniela
12-27-2013, 08:33 PM
What state are you in? If that were me I would become a dancer, so you can move out. If hes gone that long he wouldnt know anyway. You could possibly leave your work stuff in a locker at work. Maybe you could make friends with some girls at work and have them pick you up for awhile. Do you have a ID from the dmv?
Idk if I would advise her to start dancing right off as a means of achieving her independence. The club can be such a cutthroat environment under the best of circumstances, & if she is still in a pretty fragile mindset then the sharks & the sociopaths (fellow dancers & customers alike) will pick up on that. I am not saying she should stay away from dancing forever but just don't think it would be a wise early step.
2 tons of fun
12-30-2013, 12:21 AM
Idk if I would advise her to start dancing right off as a means of achieving her independence. The club can be such a cutthroat environment under the best of circumstances, & if she is still in a pretty fragile mindset then the sharks & the sociopaths (fellow dancers & customers alike) will pick up on that. I am not saying she should stay away from dancing forever but just don't think it would be a wise early step.
Well how can she leave him otherwise? She has no friends, family, or a car. Basically homeless is what it would be if she left him.
2 tons of fun
12-30-2013, 12:21 AM
Idk if I would advise her to start dancing right off as a means of achieving her independence. The club can be such a cutthroat environment under the best of circumstances, & if she is still in a pretty fragile mindset then the sharks & the sociopaths (fellow dancers & customers alike) will pick up on that. I am not saying she should stay away from dancing forever but just don't think it would be a wise early step.
Well how can she leave him otherwise? She has no friends, family, or a car. Basically homeless is what it would be if she left him.
Aniela
12-30-2013, 03:26 AM
Well how can she leave him otherwise? She has no friends, family, or a car. Basically homeless is what it would be if she left him.
^^^^ & that is exactly the kind of girl predators in the club will be fishing for. Like I said, not saying she should nvr ever start stripping but she is clearly very vulnerable right now. I would say she should start by taking the above posters' advice re: finding a women's shelter that can help her get on her feet, or even consider the military.
AureliaC
12-30-2013, 03:40 AM
^Exactly. There are plenty of less physically and mentally exhausting jobs than stripping. Adult work is HARD, and draining. Adding physical contact, and constant hustling while she's so vulnerable and depressed? Not necessarily a good idea. Men can smell vulnerability.
2 tons of fun
12-30-2013, 03:55 AM
A vulnerable, suicidal women in the military? Doesnt sound better to me. They pick on women constantly in the military. Maybe a shelter, but its seems like they would full.
AureliaC
12-30-2013, 04:00 AM
You get "picked on" in every job, sex work is a very different kind of picked on. An emotionally vulnerable, broke, essentially homeless woman could very easily run into a "sugar daddy" and end up in the exact same situation all over again.
A job that gives you housing, training, a more steady income, and job/school opportunities afterwards sounds safer, but it is ultimately her decision, not ours.
KSnow
12-30-2013, 09:47 AM
I disagree with the comment about getting picked on in the military. If anything, I think it will build up her self esteem and confidence. You might start off mentally weak but everyone does when they are going through the training portion. But by the end it all changes. When you see yourself getting through tough portions of training, you gain respect for yourself little by little. The military also has resources for those that may be suicidal or dealing with depression.
audrey_k
12-30-2013, 07:33 PM
What state are you in?
I think the most helpful thing would be if you did a little research into domestic violence/women's shelters in your area. They can work with you to come up with some concrete solutions. I would be happy to help you with that research.
xGeminix
12-31-2013, 01:56 AM
I disagree with the comment about getting picked on in the military. If anything, I think it will build up her self esteem and confidence. You might start off mentally weak but everyone does when they are going through the training portion. But by the end it all changes. When you see yourself getting through tough portions of training, you gain respect for yourself little by little. The military also has resources for those that may be suicidal or dealing with depression.
If someone were to use those resources it could also end their career, especially suicide help.
just saying.
AureliaC
12-31-2013, 02:17 AM
If someone were to use those resources it could also end their career, especially suicide help.
just saying.
Very true, but there's a big difference between situational and clinical depression. Her situation blows hard, who wouldn't be depressed? But that doesn't mean her issue is a chemical imbalance, and a disease that will continue to cause her issues once she's in a better situation.
But mental health is still very tricky, and incredibly misunderstood. Most people still view it as a weakness, and something that people just need to "get over". Medicating is seen as weakness, but so is being sad and feeling suicidal. I want to say everyone with clinical depression needs to get help immediately, but it honestly really can cause problems down the road with misinformed dbags. But the next idiot who says "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is going to get their head kicked in, clinical depression isn't a temporary problem, it's fucking hell on earth.
xGeminix
12-31-2013, 03:41 AM
That's true. I have a feeling this is situational more than anything else, but who am I too judge?
I seen rock bottom, 2 weeks of homelessness (sleeping under roofs, and the side of bridges, and at bus stops), I then live with an old man to escape the streets. I live with 3 older men in fact. I didn't cry though. Nothing can make me cry, except allowing myself to cry.... I dump 1 old man for cheating, and the other one because he wanted more than what I could give him. The third one, well.... it was 1 year of my life I'll never get back.
That was more than a year ago though, and that was not the reason why I join the military.
I join the military because I didn't feel like doing college (now I want to go back), and for money. And I read Gone with the Wind, so it was like "whatever join the army". It was such a random thing I did.... very random. I put absolutely no thought into joining.... I pinch myself in the army sometimes thinking to myself, "this is the army... wow" I love the army so far though.... I finally feel financially secure, and I feel like I have a real future now. I'll never work a minimum wage job ever again in my life.... not worth it. If it doesn't help my pension, I won't do it.
----
I am surrounded by younger good looking men daily, which makes up for being with old farts.... I don't want to be with another old man for a very long time (except Brad Pitt).
Djoser
12-31-2013, 04:07 AM
I haven't read all the replies so bear with me if I missed something. 22 is so young! It may not seem like it now, but really girl you have so much Life ahead of you, all you have to do is break those Chains that have been binding you.
It's a New Year, go out and get you some fun. You deserve it, and it's right there waiting for you, trust me...
darth.clive
01-01-2014, 01:42 PM
There are a ton of assholes out there, but there are also a lot of GENTLEMAN out there too.
I can't imagine ever treating my wife without respect.
You're really young, you have more life ahead of you then you have lived.
No matter what it takes get out of that situation, get back to school... You can get student loans to live off of and go full time at a Community College, but LIVE FOR YOU! Period. Avoid being in a relationship with ANY guy until you take care of yourself and undo the damage this prick has done.
If you don't, and you just go to the next controlling prick you will ALWAYS be a victim, you have to break the cycle and stop listening to all the people in your life who tear you down and try to keep you from living a full life.
EMPOWER yourself!