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View Full Version : Now that things have sort of run their course



Divorced
02-08-2014, 09:33 PM
Just thought I'd follow up on my first posts here about my stripper I was in a pay for play type relationship/friendship or whatever it was. For that matter we're still friends. But it's really just recently I gave up the idea that there might be a relationship at some point.

So last summer I had my first SC experience after filing divorce. I had private dances from 3 girls, the 3rd I went for extras. She told me things like she hasn't had a boyfriend in a long time, whatever else it was she said. She has awesome tits. Gave me her number.

So over the rest of the summer we went out, I took her shopping, I met her kids, her mom and brother live in her basement, I took them all out on her mom's birthday. But it was a relationship she didn't really ever want to label, it wasn't a relationship, the closest she'd allow to a label was FWB. She knew I was looking for a relationship and never had a problem with the fact I was looking, although I did date a woman for a few weeks and she acted jealous as though I had grown distant (even though I still texted her just as often as I had before). But the woman I dated kind of turned crazy on her own. Her kids met my kids and became friends.

Anyway, in September I started having to cut back on the spending. It got harder to make time to get together with kids going to school. But she'd still ask me to come see her in the club every few weeks on nights I didn't have the kids, and we'd have sex. Her kids came to my kids birthday parties and to anyone else she was just a friend of mine and a really nice woman. My ex met her and my parents met her, everyone likes her.

I've got cars to spare, she had car trouble and I let her borrow a car while her dad fixed her car. My grandpa died and I couldn't get my ex to watch my cat and dog, so she and her kids came over to house-sit for me. I really had that much trust for her.

She had said all along that she was exclusively with me as far as sex, and given the nature of our relationship - for lack of any other term - I didn't care if it was true or not, but I believed her. She was mostly honest with me, but she did on a number of occasions make obvious lies when we would be in fights over stuff. Usually if I got kind of clingy. The point is that she did say some crazy things.

More recently though, I lost my job before Christmas. And she's been a pretty decent friend. She's invited me over for whole days and cooked for me. She even had me hang out with her and the kids overnight once. But we haven't had sex in a couple months. I asked her if we're still going to hook up, and she told me that she started dating a guy around Christmas and she didn't want to cheat on him. At the time I took it kind of hard, which pissed her off and she said she wanted to break off our friendship. But it's blown over and she's talking to me still, but it's pretty clear to me at this point I'm not her type. Which might be too bad. She says that guys she dates always end up cheating on her, which I'm sure is probably because of the type of guy that's "her type".

Anyway, I'm back to work. I'll look around and get a girlfriend when it happens. I'll remain friends with her, the biggest reason being that our kids our friends. But it's been an interesting experience... Guess from what I'm reading I lucked out with a dancer that was... hmm... not entirely out to rip me off. I mean, she benefited a lot. I wouldn't go so far as to say she took advantage of me, I had good times and bad with her, and it cost me more than I would've liked to spend, but I don't regret it. I also think I'll be quite content to have gone through the experience once in my lifetime.

I went into it all with no idea what to expect. Now I think I'll just be going to SC's when I don't have a girlfriend as a means of having a sure-fire shot at going to second base with a sexy lady. Nothing more. Nothing less. For the money, the alternative is a roll of the dice.

rickdugan
02-09-2014, 03:15 PM
Lucked out? Well, that is one way to look at it I suppose. Another way is to say that you spent a lot of time and money chasing something that was never going to happen. That alone showed a certain lack of judgment, but I cannot fathom why you involved your children in that whole sordid affair. No doubt you had some rosy Brady Bunch scenario running through your head, despite everything that should have told you what this really was. Seriously dude.

As I (and others) told you when you first posted about this girl several months ago, it was a classic, old school romance hustle, which guys in your position (in a divorce and lonely, little experience with strippers) are particularly susceptible to. I guess some lessons just need to be learned first hand.

Moral of the story: Don't go looking for love in a strip club. And for goodness sake keep your kids out of your p4p relationships.

Divorced
02-12-2014, 10:17 PM
I really didn't want to seem like I'm in any way writing a rip on you, I read your story and it's what made me feel kind of lucky. I really have (still have) a lot of trust with this girl. She's had in her possession my house keys, my cars, my credit cards and she's never abused that trust. And now that I've gotten to know her, I would trust her more with my kids than I would trust my ex. It is just her, not strippers in general. I'm not disagreeing with your position, in general I agree completely. Explaining why with her specifically I have the level of trust I do would take revealing details I prefer to keep private though.

I can't say that I know strippers in general to any extent, I just know her. Since getting to the point of being friends enough with her that she just acts like herself, I've seen her with customers so I know she has an act she puts on for customers. What I think I've come to realize is that it's an act that comes so naturally for strippers that have been doing it long term like her. I have noticed that strippers that have been doing the job for a few years seem more transparent with the act but still it's enjoyable, and new strippers (maybe less than a year?) you can tell they haven't gotten the act down good enough to seem comfortable with it.

But back to my stripper friend. I think since around September she hasn't meant to put on her act, it's just kind of something she does without even thinking. Rereading my post I realize I'm having a hard time making my point clear. I mean that she genuinely doesn't mean to lead me on, but she does things that I misread as if they mean something and rather than say anything to make it clear that she isn't interested she'll say nothing.

rickdugan
02-14-2014, 08:08 AM
Divorced, everything you described is how the romance hustle works. She lets you on the "inside" while you are "helping her" with cash, prizes, etc. Shit, I have a good friend who was once so caught up in one of these that he even joined the girl, with her family and friends, for Thanksgiving dinner at her house. I have no doubt it all felt very real and very sincere. It is a balancing act for the girl as she needs to keep you close enough to keep the cash and other assistance flowing, but at the same time far enough away that you don't go over the edge emotionally. IMHO most girls nowadays who try to do something like this lack either the skills or mental fortitude necessary to pull this off, but clearly this girl knew what she was doing. This is real old school.

The goal of the friendship, of course, is to get as much as she can for as long as she can. Then, when the spending stops, often because the guy goes broke or loses emotional control, she starts to ramp things down and eventually the friendship just kinda' withers away. Notice how she stopped having sex with you, and suddenly had a boyfriend, around the same time that you lost your job? ;)

Consider this a lesson learned. If I were you I would avoid wasting too much more time with a protracted and potentially embarrassing ramp down process, but maybe you are one of those guys who needs to complete the full cycle before he finally understands what just happened.

ytqclys
02-15-2014, 03:39 PM
... I cannot fathom why you involved your children in that whole sordid affair. ...

His kids and her kids PLAYED together, Jeez.

You consume a service, yet somehow you feel entitled to look down on the people who provide the service. But no, that by itself is not insane enough for you, you also have to look down on their FUCKING KIDS!

Worst case, this woman is ethically no worse than some high-pressure salesperson at a car dealership. I guess we have to have segregated schools for the kids of salespeople, so they won't corrupt the other children.

rickdugan
02-17-2014, 08:48 PM
You consume a service, yet somehow you feel entitled to look down on the people who provide the service. But no, that by itself is not insane enough for you, you also have to look down on their FUCKING KIDS!

You are misreading what I said. My comments had nothing to do with looking down on anyone. I thought that it was less than ideal to introduce his kids to a woman who was a temporary fixture in his life and one who is only there because he is paying her for sex. And yes, part of my concern relates to whatever his kids might overhear from her or her kids regarding the situation, but that hardly constitutes "looking down" on anyone. As parents, it is our job to shelter our kids from exposures that might cause them emotional harm.

Divorced
02-18-2014, 04:18 AM
FWIW I'm not saying much because on a general basis I don't disagree with the advice and I know that you don't know the whole story nor would any other casual reader, her kids don't know what she does and she knows how to keep things separate. Just as an example, she doesn't even hug me around her kids.