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View Full Version : How to talk like a Domme



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Magical_Hoohah
04-18-2014, 06:09 AM
Yeah, a lot of those fetishes are co-morbid, so it would make sense that they come together and they look for a certain type of domme. Sissies are often in chastity, forced bis are often cuckolds, cuckolds are often SPH. I bet it would be interesting to make a chart that shows co-morbid fetishes. There might even be one out there already.

And yes, that's why I say with adult baby, they want a very motherly or sensual domme. I actually get a lot of sissy babies, so it makes sense they would flock to someone with a more feminine "motherly" look.

There is a chart! It's by Katharine Gates, author of Deviant desires.

This is the chart: http://web.archive.org/web/20060502042331/http://www.deviantdesires.com/map/mappics/map06sm.jpg

Here is a key for reading it: http://web.archive.org/web/20060507120556/http://deviantdesires.com/map/mapmain.html
This page also contains links to alternative fetish connections.

SophiaSylvan
04-18-2014, 07:02 AM
What do guys mean when they ask about sensual domination?

They mean something that isn't harsh, humiliating or punishing. They probably want to see you naked, worship your body, not be yelled at, and jerk off, maybe JOI, cock tease, that kind of thing. They probably want a strong woman to tell them how they'd want to be pleased in bed, and want to be told just how to jerk off.

LolaBohemia
04-18-2014, 01:07 PM
They mean something that isn't harsh, humiliating or punishing. They probably want to see you naked, worship your body, not be yelled at, and jerk off, maybe JOI, cock tease, that kind of thing. They probably want a strong woman to tell them how they'd want to be pleased in bed, and want to be told just how to jerk off.

"Sensual Sadism" can be described as being authorative, confident, assertive, yet pushing acceptable limits. It's done with the obvious intent or showing that the reason behind it is to get a pleasurable reaction although the activity may not look entirely sensual alone. I leave out any sort of impact play or intense harsh language and more focus on being a woman in control that aims to get what she wants, within reason and with consent, of course.

GlamourRouge
04-18-2014, 03:46 PM
There is a chart! It's by Katharine Gates, author of Deviant desires.

This is the chart:

Here is a key for reading it:
This page also contains links to alternative fetish connections.

That one is missing a lot of fetishes though. Or doesn't make the same ties I make in my head. Maybe I should make one. Hmmm

Charlotteslut
04-19-2014, 03:39 PM
I'd be really interested in a cam-specific domme resource. I'd actually be willing to pay for something like that because I haven't seen anything like it online (aside from these and similar boards) and I hate bothering models for info.

BustyVixen
04-22-2014, 05:10 AM
I'd be really interested in a cam-specific domme resource. I'd actually be willing to pay for something like that because I haven't seen anything like it online (aside from these and similar boards) and I hate bothering models for info.

Me too!!

SweetLilyRaven
04-22-2014, 04:03 PM
Me three. I'm pretty submissive, but every once in a while I get a wild hair across my ass and I can turn on the Domme like a pro…but it doesn't translate out of RL. I can't quite figure out how to focus that D-style into a full fledged Domme character, even though I'd LOVE to!

I have several Dommes as RL friends, but while their advice is great for real-world scenarios, it's not working on cam. And I really don't want to bug cam models and PSOs by asking for help.

bigbootyjudy1
03-06-2015, 07:50 PM
BUMPPPPPPPPPPPPPP... OLDIE BUT GOODIE.I love fetish guys, thats where the money is at but its still a learning process with all these fetishes.im good but i wanna be the better lol.

LolaBohemia
03-07-2015, 10:51 PM
Hehe, this ol thang. Considering I'm doing less live stuff and more development and coaching, I enjoy sharing my experiences and pointers with those wanting to learn. Some stuff I can offer freely but more dedicated future practitioners I have to charge a sort of 'tutoring' fee. It's something I've studied, had training in, and years of experience and I find my time and information very valuable and helpful to those who can really craft it to be their own.

It's ALWAYS a good idea to approach fetishism and role play first before diving into anything Domination related. Things start getting tricky when you bring into it aspects that strongly affect your demeanor and how you present yourself. Fetish play comes quite a bit more naturally and can help give you insight into what really works for you and if you truly are a Dominant (to some degree, however faking it completely as a role becomes obvious and will not get you quality clientele).

I'm reachable on Skype and all about answering questions.
skype=lola.bohemia

Kitcatt
03-08-2015, 02:26 AM
Throwing in my two cents, I keep all fetish play in exclusive. If they want to play the part of a sub/slave, etc. they PAY. No coupons for fetish.

MessyChick
03-08-2015, 09:04 AM
this thread is making me think that maybe i can be domme on cam.. im naturally sub but like others say, get more requests for being domme.

nattyfetish
03-08-2015, 10:52 AM
It is so nice when you learn how to be a domme from a member, on his money ! Lol. But yeah I am greatfull to that guy telling me some things I did not know about. He knew what he was doing. It is all about makin it your own style tough.

ComaRose
04-20-2017, 02:12 AM
Domme performer here too, not irl...Most weekender subs will not answer any questions, they have already formed thoughs and fantasies in their heads about the "Domme of their dreams" If you ask any questions, it ruins the fantasy for them. In their mind, the Domme is in complete control, so when you ask a question, right off of the bat, it is ruining their fantasy. I say weekender subs, becasue like most of us, Domme/sub is not a lifestyle they live, it is a role they play from time to time. So, they expect to hear and see what they fantasize about.

In all of my time Domming online, I have never seen a real 24/7 lifestyle sub who lives this way from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed. To most of them, even if they share they want to be a 24/7 live in, it is all a fantasy. This is just my experience but most cam subs are here for fantasy. It would not be enough for a true 24/7 sub, there is just no comparison. This being said, good cam subs do exist because you are full filling a fantasy they cannot act out irl for fear of judgement.

What to do in this scenario and what not to do:
Don't ASK them what they want (their needs don't really matter anyways) tell them what to do! Key words: Tell them to get down on their knees whether they do it or not lol and say:
"Tell Mistress what kind of trouble you are looking to get yourself into today/tonight!" or
"Tell Goddess why you should be punished tonight/today!"
"What kind of naughty things have you done to get yourself into this predicament?"

A Goddess never asks, she commands! She commands their time, attention, and interaction with them. If they do not respond and want to play guessing games, I straight do an ignore session, ignoring them is their punishment until they learn to serve properly (interacting with you, not too much to ask right?) You will always have weekender subs who have formed such high expectations that even experienced well known Dommes get a minute out of them...nothing you can do to save this type.

freyasnecklace
04-20-2017, 07:34 AM
Ugh- The other day I had a cock comparison guy who liked some femmedom aspects. I always have a hard time figuring out if they want cock worship or SPH when that happens. I've been a dom (more of a loving lady dom than femmedom) for 12 years and it is hard work figuring out subs.

LolaLu
04-22-2017, 09:59 AM
I had a guy who wanted to lavish £££ on me. Wanted me to take it as though it was mine so I figured he was into findom then he spoke about being locked up and some sph - so I figured maybe he was a chastity slave who enjoyed cuckolding. He did enjoy all these but then also wanted to meet me for shopping trips and more....I couldn't figure out what he wanted so I let him (and all that £££) drift away :-(

Rispy_Girl
04-24-2017, 09:24 PM
Same here. Clients IRL and on cam want different things.

Online, I always get the type that like the thrill of being caught. They like to be exposed a lot of the time. Or they just want a general sensual JOI or worship session, which is almost vanilla. Definitely something I DON'T want to cater to IRL.

In person, you can do a lot of things you can't do online. Stuff like electro or medical play are better in person, though I've gotten those requests online before and turned them down as I don't think they are that safe over webcam IMO. And I don't like doing sessions like that in person either. In person, obviously its more hands-on.


I also notice a big difference between myself with blonde hair and myself with dark hair in regards to the type of clientele I attract. Like I mentioned in that thread. My experiences:
*Blonde = cuckold, sissy, ABDL, etc and anything that contained some element of "girly" or "motherly" as well.
*Black hair = CBT, giantess, and anything that contained some element of "cruelty" or "power" I guess you could say.
But those are just my own experiences, and this does not account for changes that have occurred over the years since I haven't had black hair for several years now.

Has anyone noticed a similar difference depending on their room? Perhaps even a thing as simple as a red vs. a pink wall.

Blovely
04-29-2017, 08:25 AM
I'm wondering what I can call guys who aren't submissive. I don't like calling guys bb, I feel like that's too vanilla and I just don't like saying bb. At first I was calling them hun or luv but I still feel like that's too vanilla. Even though they aren't subs I don't really want a vanilla dynamic by calling them endearing/sweet names like hun, honey, sweetheart, bae, bb, etc. Anyone have any ideas what names I could call guys who aren't submissive?

Magical_Hoohah
04-29-2017, 10:12 AM
^^ I usually call vanilla guys by their name (real or screen name). I'm not one for using a lot of pet names, as it feels both overly intimate and really generic. If I get the vibe that the guy really likes having a pet name, I tend to go with something like sexy/gorgeous/lovely, etc. It feels a little less like a gfe thing and more like a naughty one night stand kind of thing. It also lets me subtly objectify him, which I find privately amusing.

hotmodel
04-29-2017, 11:57 AM
I'm getting ready to go full dom and I have been studying, researching and even doing sessions here and there with the clients I already have (they were just normal guys but I'm trying to learn and get that bitchy demanding girl in me to come out)! This question goes for the long time doms...don't you dom ladies agree though that the only way to really get it is by trial and error and just trying to learn as you go? And you'll get better? I've been nervous about going full dom for awhile but really want to make this work for me and I'm just like ok..enough is enough..pull the plug and I'll learn as I go?

sovereignv
04-30-2017, 01:55 PM
Well yeah, domming is something you learn by doing, you're never going to be totally 100% prepared for it until you've actually done it. Just read them and see what words they use, how they talk about themselves. Domming on cam is heavily verbal and for many guys there's specific words and phrases that really set them off and "trigger" them. As for guys who won't tell me what they want - I usually ask them how they can serve me today and if they say "any way you like" I usually uhh get annoyed and ignore them. You can ask what they're good at too. A lot of good suggestions in this thread. Sub boys who won't ask for what they want really piss me off and I'd love to never have to deal with them if I didn't have to. Experienced subs who know what the fuck they're looking for are sooo much better, they actually have a concrete idea you can live up to instead of some vague unattainable ideal in their head.

Magical_Hoohah
04-30-2017, 09:03 PM
I feel like there should be a multiple choice question for unsure subs...

"Which of the following sounds best to you?:
a) having me sit on your face
b) having me force you to suck cock
c) having me take a shit on your face
d) having me kick you in the nuts repeatedly"

LOL! Sounds absurd, but it kind of covers a lot of territory - sensual Domme, forced-bi, humiliation, and pain.

Usually when they give me crap about "Anything you want, Mistress!" I respond with something like "Are you SURE that's what you mean to say? I could say that I want to ignore you while you smash your cock head with a hammer, so... ANYTHING I want? Really?!"