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LoveyDovey
07-30-2016, 09:46 AM
To all customers entering my club today,

You all will spend 100s-1000s of dollars on me and simultaneously be respectful and cool. I'm grateful for all of you and your generosity. Thank you so much, and get home safely.

Love,
Lovey Dovey

Miss_Red
08-05-2016, 04:35 AM
Dear young douchebags sitting at the bar,

No, you're not "the only customers we'll ever get who are as cool as you." You're not the worst, at least you're spending money, but you're not special and I kind of hate you. We don't see you as saviors just because you're young and conventionally attractive. And this might shock your young, police-officer mind, but the speech you just gave me about the "creepy old men" who just came in and had the audacity to look at my tits while being old because they don't value me as a person was significantly undermined by the fact that you were caressing my leg under the bar while you delivered it. I know I'm just a dumb stripper, but please realize no one is fooled by the nice-guy act. You had money, but I just couldn't anymore, you dreadful judgemental gropey twat.

Dear "creepy old men"

I'm sorry those dumb young douchebags at the bar were clearly laughing at you when you bought your drinks and smiled at me. You tipped me ridiculously at the rack and then paid me in 20s to talk to you on the smoking deck. You were hilarious, wonderful, respectful company. One of you was clearly freshly divorced and in pain: I was honored to give you the lapdance you clearly needed, and was happy to be "the most human contact you'd had in a while". I hope you have the best life and find a great girl. Thank you both for being so goddamn awesome.

Sincerely,
-Not really into young guys anyway

carmen_b
08-08-2016, 09:12 AM
Massage Customer:
It should take just two texts to book a session. Here is a template to use.

"Hi Carmen ! I saw your ad and would like a session today. Are you open sometime between Noon and 6 ? "
Then I tell you a good time and the address.
Then you confirm it.

^ This is a the template for seeing a massage lady. Don't deviate from it. Don't ask more than 1-2 questions. Please DON'T be needy before I even meet you. If you follow this everyone will WANT to see you !

LoveyDovey
08-10-2016, 05:50 PM
Dear customer,

My heritage is Ukrainian and Slovak. Not Asian. Trust me, there is no reason to argue with me about what my "mix" is. I know what my genealogy is. If I were of Asian descent, then i would tell you so. I'm not lying. I have no reason to lie and there really is no reason for you to argue with me. Accept my answer and shut the hell up. Thank you.

Swarovskibunny
08-28-2016, 12:11 PM
Dear pitiful, bipolar, drunk ass customer,

You started out being nice, complementary, and even bought a couple of dances. However, you got mad during the second dance that I wouldn't let you grab my boob or put your mouth on it (both are heavily forbidden in my CLEAN club) for a $20 table dance. What the hell is wrong with you? You must belong to the douchebag variety of dudes who think that 20 bucks entitles you to a woman's entire body. The truth is, you have absolutely no knowledge of what it would cost if a woman were actually selling her body. To get that from any given girl who looks as hot as me would involve paying 10k+ for a high end escort session in DC or NYC. On the other hand, to pay 20 bucks, you would have to find somebody from an episode of Cops who is, in all likelihood, an ugly, toothless, cracked-out street hooker who may or may not have a penis.

So think about that. Seriously, WTF.

LoveyDovey
08-29-2016, 01:19 AM
Dear delusional one,
No, I do not make house calls. I'm sorry you are on house arrest. You'd think after NINE DUIs you'd learn...

allieoop
09-05-2016, 01:31 PM
Dear Five O'clock Shadow,

Please stop rubbing your nasty stubble against my everything. I have super sensitive skin and am constantly getting hives because guys like you somehow thing rubbing your face against me is sexy. Believe me, the other girls were lying with they said they liked it. Please also stop doing it because you are scouring off my makeup, makeup that should easily last my measly four hour shift.

Thanks....

LoveyDovey
09-05-2016, 03:14 PM
Dear customers who c a me in this past Friday and Saturday, you were all so nice, sweet, and generous. Please come back. I love you.

hippiechick
09-06-2016, 10:12 AM
Dear young douchebags sitting at the bar,

No, you're not "the only customers we'll ever get who are as cool as you." You're not the worst, at least you're spending money, but you're not special and I kind of hate you. We don't see you as saviors just because you're young and conventionally attractive. And this might shock your young, police-officer mind, but the speech you just gave me about the "creepy old men" who just came in and had the audacity to look at my tits while being old because they don't value me as a person was significantly undermined by the fact that you were caressing my leg under the bar while you delivered it. I know I'm just a dumb stripper, but please realize no one is fooled by the nice-guy act. You had money, but I just couldn't anymore, you dreadful judgemental gropey twat.

Dear "creepy old men"

I'm sorry those dumb young douchebags at the bar were clearly laughing at you when you bought your drinks and smiled at me. You tipped me ridiculously at the rack and then paid me in 20s to talk to you on the smoking deck. You were hilarious, wonderful, respectful company. One of you was clearly freshly divorced and in pain: I was honored to give you the lapdance you clearly needed, and was happy to be "the most human contact you'd had in a while". I hope you have the best life and find a great girl. Thank you both for being so goddamn awesome.

Sincerely,
-Not really into young guys anyway

YES!!!! I am SO over the young broke ass men who think they're hot shit because they gave me $40. PUHLEASE! Stop hating on the more mature, wealthy, and respectful gentlemen or leave.

carmen_b
09-06-2016, 12:03 PM
Conventioners :
Thank thanks thanks ! :)
I will surely be back in your city next Aug. Too!
:)

carmen_b
09-08-2016, 11:30 AM
Customers, don't do this :

Customer - Let's have lunch at my hotel and then the massage about 1 .
Me - Ok , two hours is about $xyz , see you soon
Customer - The massage is one hour. I hope you are not charging me for lunch.
Me : silence

No one in their right mind is going to sit and chat and wait an hour wondering if they will be paid. Be a gentleman. Be courteous.

kocengmalek
09-08-2016, 10:20 PM
In this example people can play poker as free so apply all the knowledge acquired but also can play real money
|

carmen_b
09-13-2016, 10:18 AM
Massage Customers :
I think what I mean when I put 10a.m. to 6 p.m. in my ad is " text me by 9a.m. to see me 10:30 - 5 p.m. "
Thanks, C

carmen_b
09-17-2016, 02:12 PM
Massage Troll :
Announcing you are canceling on another provider to come see me is a very bad way to introduce yourself. Clearly you have no manners and are NOT welcome here.
C
p.s. I googled your number and just like I suspected ( obviously ), many other ladies in town confirm you suck.

seashell
09-17-2016, 02:47 PM
Dear Rambly Old Dude,

I sincerely regret the three songs I sat there trying unsuccessfully to interrupt your political rants. I should've politely put a hand over your mouth to ask if you wanted a dance. That's cute, right? I mean, if I could withhold from strangling you. What exactly is your political side??? They're all dingbats? OK, sure. Takes one to know one.


Dear Sexy Ex-Marine Guy,

I reeeally wish I wasn't chickenshit about one night stands. You were incredibly gorgeous. I will now proceed to fantasize about you for the rest of my life.

carmen_b
09-17-2016, 02:53 PM
^ Haha

and Ohhhh nice
Maybe he will come back in. :)

carmen_b
09-19-2016, 08:30 AM
Man .... to ALL of you who didn't book smoothly yesterday ( about 8 didn't book smoothly and 2 did ) ...... you guys just suck.
Please just book sessions QUICKLY especially with a provider like myself who posts A LOT of photos / info.
This is the main thing we want. Every question you ask decreases the chance of getting a session and decreases my desire to meet you.

Anyway ..... thank you to the 2 guys who arranged their sessions SMOOTHLY. To the other 8 ....I marked your #'s so you don't waste anymore time.
I think my canned answer may be " The spa is selective about communication so I can only see people who book really smoothly. " If they can't set up the time without back and forth with that warning, I'll just have to block them.

LoveyDovey
09-19-2016, 11:36 AM
Dear Asshole,

Don't come into my place of work and be condescending to me because I'm "stripping". No, they didn't teach me "stripping" in college, and you deserved my sarcastic response. If you're so above "stripping", why did you come in, sit at the tip rail, drool all over my performance, only to be a condescending dick? The look on your face when I told you I was about to sell my screenplay was priceless. That made you shut the fuck up, didnt it? You didn't expect someone who spends their time "stripping" to be of above average intelligence, did you?

Your life is shit. Go be condescending somewhere else.

lilylilylily
09-19-2016, 12:59 PM
Why ask me," I know it's none of my business but can i know your real name"? If u know it's none of ur business then why ask?

LoveyDovey
09-19-2016, 01:43 PM
Why ask me," I know it's none of my business but can i know your real name"? If u know it's none of ur business then why ask?

Because they are stupid, nosy, and they need to feel special because they know all the dancers' real names.

seashell
09-19-2016, 01:57 PM
Because they are stupid, nosy, and they need to feel special because they know all the dancers' real names.

Hahaha. I find it amusing when I tell a guy my fake "real name" and they act all smug, like they've got some secret info.

Selina M
09-19-2016, 10:43 PM
Dear couple gacked out on X,

That was probably the grossest experience I've ever put up with. You don't get to literally molest us just because you paid for a CR.

Were you preying on the poor first girl? You seriously lowballed her down to $120/half hour? You really thought dancers would put up with being told to 'eat your wife's pussy' and having her tongue forced down their throat? Ugh. Your nasty wife blindsided me and 10,000 pieces of gum could not get that cigarette taste out of my mouth. Keep your hands out of our fucking bottoms while you're at it, too. 3 songs of playing 'dodge 4 hands and 2 mouths' is fucking exhausting.

Unfortunately for your dumb asses, before I came up I took one look at y'all, and realized that the odds of us completing that half hour were zilch. I calculated we'd make it to ~4 songs at most. I didn't go find the first girl to check on her bc she got hurt on stage; I went looking for her to find out what she agreed to charge, increase it, and then tell her we needed to get paid up front. Yes, shitbirds, we also arranged in advance to end it extremely early. That look she gave me was "Get us out NOW".

I don't want to know what you did to her while I slithered out to alert the manager to cut it off. I do know she came out with tears in her eyes and smudged eyeliner and just kept repeating "That was too much". She refused to say what happened, and then wanted me to escort her through the club to tipout. So... fuck you guys. Fuck. You. How dare you traumatize her.

Selina

SexxiLexxi
09-20-2016, 09:47 AM
Dear asshole who thinks he is clever...

Pretending to tip is the lamest thing I have seen on the internet to date. That says a lot in it self...

I'm so glad that you left my room after A: pretending to tip me B: Then proceeding to make your demands of me showing my asshole to you

Guess what....Just because I'm new to the website or for any model in that case, doesn't make me an idiot which is why your useless trick failed.

Oh...why you ask?! Because I'm a SW fanatic & know how to read the tips/tricks/advice of other ladies who know their shit & are sweet enough to share it so I don't have to deal with shit faces like you.

Go find a fucking hobby. And do us beautiful models a favor...stay the fuck off the internet altogether because the internet would be a much better place without you invading it with your stupidity.

Sorry not sorry. Fuck you.

LoveyDovey
10-28-2016, 01:32 PM
Dear Customer,
What the fuck is wrong with you? The club is not a dating service. It's a place you go to be entertained. Do you get all butt hurt if Minnie Mouse doesn't leave Disneyland to come home with you and be your nanny? Does it say "match.com" on the side of our building? No. It says "Gentleman's Club". That means you come here and buy dances. You don't pressure the girls to date you and them cut them off if they dont comply with your demands. Seriously. You're pushing 70 and still not realizing this?
Glad you just left. You're a dick. "I'm not going to spend money on you if you're not going to date me". Then fuck off, and let me deal with customers who actually get it. Thank you. P.S. so glad I gave you my Sideline number and not my real number, you needy little shit.

cassie22
10-28-2016, 01:41 PM
Dear Customer,
What the fuck is wrong with you? The club is not a dating service. It's a place you go to be entertained. Do you get all butt hurt if Minnie Mouse doesn't leave Disneyland to come home with you and be your nanny? Does it say "match.com" on the side of our building? No. It says "Gentleman's Club". That means you come here and buy dances. You don't pressure the girls to date you and them cut them off if they dont comply with your demands. Seriously. You're pushing 70 and still not realizing this?
Glad you just left. You're a dick. "I'm not going to spend money on you if you're not going to date me". Then fuck off, and let me deal with customers who actually get it. Thank you. P.S. so glad I gave you my Sideline number and not my real number, you needy little shit.

LOL
so true!!

carmen_b
10-28-2016, 03:48 PM
International Customers get google voice, cmon!
No one wants to have to call the hotel , and get through the phone tree .
^
I sent a text back to this person which of course he didn't get and then I finally figured out it was that ! :/
Get set up to text!

Sidenote: Do girls actually answer the phone ? I only text to set up sessions.

seashell
10-30-2016, 02:43 PM
Dear Sociopathic Man Baby,

I've talked to you twice and you are the only person who has ever turned my "Are you from here?" question into "Was I CONCEIVED at this strip club? *eyeroll* Am I from HERE? In this very city? Was I BORN here? No." Your attempts at sarcasm went on and on. I kept my composure and rolled with your punches, which seemed to irritate you further. You softened up long enough to tell me that yes you were from this state (but oh my, how special, from a different city!), avoided my question about whether you would like a dance, and finally told me you weren't interested only to get a dance from another girl minutes later.

You are a sad little asswipe with nothing better to do on Halloween weekend than insult hot girls. I fantasize about taking the giant bone from the girl with the Pebbles costume and shoving it where the sun don't shine.

-Seashell

DesireeDances
10-30-2016, 04:28 PM
seriously going to start walking up to you and your kin and telling you "it's a $5 charge for watching."


Hell yeah. Their cheap asses better log on to porn hub if they wanna see ass and tits for free.

Genoveve
10-30-2016, 04:49 PM
Glad you just left. You're a dick. "I'm not going to spend money on you if you're not going to date me"

And then if you were dating him and expected him to spend any money he'd be screaming "GOLD DIGGER"

DesireeDances
10-30-2016, 05:27 PM
I don't have a letter, but I have several shoutouts:

S/O to the cheap ass who offers to buy you a drink, then complains because it costs too much.

S/O to the creepy ass who doesn't pay for a dance, but follows you around to watch you dance for others.

S/O to the dumb ass that doesn't understand the concept of paying vs. tipping. Them petty ass singles you throw during the dance does not count as payment, so run me my got-damn money.

S/O to the "celebrity" bitch ass who thinks he's too important to buy a dance from you, but wants you to keep him company... FOR FREE.

S/O to the cry baby ass who gets mad when you don't show him any attention, but he ain't paying you for shit. Time is money, idiot. You ain't got money? I ain't got time.

S/O to the genius ass who thought it was okay to follow me to the fucking dressing room... Like security wasn't gonna stop you.

S/O to the Captain Save-A-Hoe ass who keeps tryna offer me a "better job" as his secretary. Fuck you and your law firm!

S/O to every fool who thought I gave them my real number. lol

S/O to the females who pay me to dance for their man only to roll their eyes and suck their teeth the whole time. Get a grip!

S/O to every nasty ass who told me I was "stuck up" because I don't do extras. While you talkin' shit, you probably got STD's.

S/O to all the imbeciles who offer me drugs instead of money to dance. Are you brain dead?!

But above all, S/O to every customer, male or female, who respects me, my time, and my line of work. Thank you sincerely for understanding how the system works and that I am working a legit job. Thank you for not putting me through any bullshit, crossing any boundaries, or making me feel uncomfortable or disgusted, and I appreciate it when you come back to see me. Thank you for tipping well, recommending me to your friends, and allowing me to entertain you. I appreciate our professional relationship, and despite the stuff I deal with from others, the satisfaction and amusement of people like you is what makes it all worthwhile.

LoveyDovey
10-30-2016, 10:50 PM
And then if you were dating him and expected him to spend any money he'd be screaming "GOLD DIGGER"

Right??? He's such an ass. Good riddance. I don't need the bullshit. The Universe will send me a new regular. FUCK him.

trustfundkiller
10-30-2016, 11:10 PM
PSA to all:

a.) broke customers who say they are at my club to "have a drink and relax"

b.) drunk bitches who think it's cute to grind on their boyfriends and dance around the club

c.) parasitic groups of young people who sit around the club all night, gawking and talking to each other, but not tipping a single dollar

d.) confused men who are looking for sex

Strip clubs exist for the purpose of providing a venue for men to trade money in exchange for entertainment and companionship from a beautiful woman. If that's not what you're here for, you're here for the wrong reason. Kindly get the fuck out of my club.

Swarovskibunny
11-13-2016, 10:51 AM
To the sad little man who thinks $20 is a lot of money:

I think you're lost. Do you know where you are? This is a high-end, topless club. No you cannot see girls go full nude and put their titties in your face for $1. I don't care how they do things in Iowa,
Idaho or whatever fucking flyover state you came from. Please go back there with your cheap ass. Btw, I saw you later on in the night sitting alone and looking miserable. Oh, nobody's giving you any attention? What a surprise.

whirlerz
11-13-2016, 11:07 AM
LOL, @ all this, LOVE IT!^^

Ok, gonna throw this in:
Dear weird, twisted, cheapass former reg:
Yea we kept in (online) contact, I sold you a few items & the last time you f'd me over, but I need $ then, not so much now.:) @ least, not as hard/much as you'd want for what you wanna pay.>:(
You contact me, ask "How I'm doing::)"?
Which led to, "How bout, ___" insert bogus request. FUCK.NO.
Thank you.:)

Selina M
09-07-2018, 01:46 PM
Dear customer,

Women don't dislike you because you're a balding, glasses-wearing comic book nerd (as you kept insisting). They dislike you because, if your behavior last night was any indication of your regular personality, you're an immature, self-loathing ass.
"I'm not even touching your boobs, like a gentleman!" doesn't get you brownie points. Arguing with me about the size of my own boobs further docks your points. Men do not understand bra sizing - I think your head would have exploded in denial if I had tried to explain, for example, the concept of sister sizes. Making chomp noises & pretending to bite at my nipples is not cute. Repeatedly touching me with your cold drink is annoying as fuck and the ultimate reason I finally snapped and yelled at you.

You are literally the equivalent of a little boy pulling at pigtails, and NO SHIT SHERLOCK, grown ass women don't find this attractive.

Please see a therapist & stay out of my club.

SugarCookies
09-11-2018, 12:08 PM
To that regular who comes in at least once a week day shifts.

Why are you even going to strip clubs if you have some madonna-whore complex. Just because you’re a materialistic conformist sheep doesn’t mean everyone else is. If bragging about supposedly having six Porsche’s makes you feel better about yourself then you do you, but it doesn’t make you special or better than every other human on this planet. Believe it or not, there are women out there like me who care more about personality and connection in relationships over materialistic things. And nah, I’m not as nice or a pushover as you think. I do admit I’m socially awkward and geeky but I was only putting up with your lame ass because you were tipping me big on these slow summer days. I wouldn’t want to be near your patheticness out in the real world.

tempest666
09-19-2018, 02:38 AM
Dear Pervert MacGreyballs,
Please do not try to be sneaky and hike up the legs of your golf shorts when my back is turned. You're not slick. And I think that Medicare may cover your penis pump.

indiegirl
09-19-2018, 08:33 AM
Dear customers who come in "just to chill" or to wait out freeway traffic,

Newsflash! This is not Jamba Juice! I just double checked for you and we are both at a strip club. Where dancers are working! At least put a dollar onstage. Don't even begin with looking around the club mentioning how slow it is to me. Yeah there is no customers, what's it to you!? All the dancers are sitting and waiting for your ass to get it together to spend money.

To the man who came to chill with his friends just for the cover charge and proceeded to undo my top when I walked away: Next time I'll pants you and see how you like it. You look like a man who isn't packing it anyways.

Last but not least when you men say, "You probably say that to everyone" when I'm trying to sell a dance. How I wish I could blurt out, "Righty-O Johnny Boy!"

lucy-lou-who
10-05-2018, 02:59 PM
Dear every customer ever,

No, you can't touch my boobs. No, you can't touch my ass. No, I'm not going to come home with you. No, none of these things will change based on how many times you ask or insist that you're a great guy. If you actually were a great guy then you would respect my no the first time, or have the common sense not to ask such pervy questions in the first place. Also if you don't want a dance, FUCKING SAY SO, don't waste my time with the "maybe later."

P.S. TIP. For the love of god JUST TIP. I am providing you a service and it is not free. I can't believe I even have to say this.

virghoe
10-05-2018, 04:06 PM
Dear Customer,

It’s sweet of you to give me gifts, to drive four hours to see me, to buy so many dances- but remember, I never asked you to do any of that. YOU chose to do that. Yes- I’m incredibly grateful but no, that doesn’t give you power over me. Don’t show up randomly to the club, harassing my co-workers to contact me, then get whiny that I can’t come in when you didn’t give me any notice. I’m off the clock, I have a life away from work and nothing you give me will make me give that up, point, blank, period.