View Full Version : The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club
http://media.giphy.com/media/DOVPqYKojY2xG/giphy.gif
you've just stolen me a laugh. dory can be soooo damn cute.
Marina Starr
05-03-2014, 02:41 PM
I've been dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression for a very long time for all the teasing and verbal/physical bullying I've endured my whole life for being different, for being who I am. School was always a place of hell for me. Even when I became a young adult, those horrible experiences still affected me greatly. I remember driving myself to the mall and just sat in the car because I was too scared to go inside the mall. I felt powerless.
My life has gotten a lot better when I decided to own my life, when I wanted it to be better because I was sick and tired of always feeling down. I still have moments and days when it's very hard to just leave the house. I am still a work in process but I'm very thankful I am not where I were.
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t94/tsmelania/740717995_zps780c5c0f.gif (http://s158.photobucket.com/user/tsmelania/media/740717995_zps780c5c0f.gif.html)
Tsepmet1
05-03-2014, 03:05 PM
I know it's been awhile since I've posted on the cam side, but I'd like to add to this thread.
I have Chiari Malformation and severe PTSD due to a car accident.
I understand why people would say to not use your illness as an excuse. I feel you on that, I really do. But I'd also like to add that illness deserves respect. If you're having an anxiety attack, it'll make you feel strong for powering through it, but I say to let it run it's course and get right back to work afterwards. If you are in any kind of pain, nurture yourself and tend to your pain. Powering through the mild/moderate stuff makes us strong. Powering through life with illness makes us strong. Not giving illness the respect it deserves will kill us.
VelvetRoseLove
05-03-2014, 04:30 PM
I have Paranoid Schizophrenia with a depressive disorder and PTSD as well. I haven't started camming yet but I feel like it's going to get in the way :c
justanothercamgirl
05-03-2014, 08:14 PM
I have Paranoid Schizophrenia with a depressive disorder and PTSD as well. I haven't started camming yet but I feel like it's going to get in the way :c
Don't worry love, if it gets in the way......you just live around it.
http://media.giphy.com/media/9QX6C461kRK5q/giphy.gif
I personally have so many mental issues that psychiatrist have actually been know to back away from me in fear. ;)
caramelcraze
05-04-2014, 02:46 AM
Sometimes it's hard not to use a disorder/illness as a reason not to work. Sometimes it's impossible. I literally can't do anything when I have a full blown UTI other than sit on the toilet and hope the AZO kicks in soon. and forget sticking anything in my vag for a couple days. Sometimes it's just sheer weakness. When I'm on a restrictive binge and have only had 1000 calories in the last 7 days or force myself to get down to 85 pounds, I feel too weak to do anything other than lay in bed and watch netflix or finally give in and eat. Mentally I'm too weak to put up with the verbal onslaught of abuse from customers I know I'll endure if I get on cam at that point... I'd rather be depressed, starving, and slightly sane than depressed, starving, and have a complete melt down on cam. I know if I make $90 on a day when I'm feeling shitty, it's a huge blow to my ego and makes everything worse. I know if I wait until I'm ok, that $90 will look alright after a slow night. Waiting until you're ready (mentally, physically and emotionally) is important. No one wants to tip someone who is a wreck and looks like hell... better to focus on your own well being and get to a place in yourself where you can happily push yourself on cam.
anonymous camgirl
05-04-2014, 05:55 AM
^^ if you have that luxury.. some of us don't have the luxury to take any day off for physical or mental issues.. we have to soldier on through the sadness and the physical pain.. we have NO choice...of course there is a choice but i think my kids would hate me if they were starving and homeless...lol
Lady Mondegreen
05-04-2014, 07:15 AM
Lol, of course this thread started up while I was taking week-long unintended total camming break due to crippling depression. At least unlike a "normal" job the horse is still there for me to get back on!
Also, anyone else with light-triggered migraines have issues with camming lights? Tricks to avoid this? I've been trying to put more effort into Niteflirt specifically because I can keep the lights off until someone actually calls me, but the more strategies out there the better.
Glamourmilf
05-04-2014, 07:28 AM
^^ I would like to know also.
I have a light triggered migraine right now that I woke up with after a long day camming yesterday.
I have noticed other cam girls wearing sunglasses but when I tried it, guys always asked me if I'm drunk, or hungover.. and of course they always ask to see my eyes.8)
When I'm camming, I put the cam down to only show cleavage periodically, so I can rest my eyes.
^^ I have random migraines, when i have it it, and it's a heavy one i just can't do anything, just lay down, no lights whatsoever and take a useless painkiller and sometimes w/ a benzo.
for light headaches (everyday ugh) i have program that tells me to turn rest my sight for a minute or two every hour. I wear glasses so when I rest my eyes I take them (my glasses) off and just stay 'unfocused' for a minute.
chloemonet
05-04-2014, 12:51 PM
I get headaches a lot too, I second the laying down / painkiller thing. Also, if you're a marijuana advocate like I am, smoking before/during cam time does WONDERS! This also goes if you have bad joints/deal with a lot of physical pain as well. I'd advise not smoking a bowl on cam though, it tends tto look very obvious and makes me nervous in terms of rule breaking. Invest in a vaporizer or papers :) (right now I don't have a vape so I just lower the camera and smoke a bowl or two making sure not to show the pipe) If you're not into smoking and you live in a medical marijuana state look into edibles or THC pills, they do the trick just as well.
/ stoner camgirl rant lol
haha I think pot does to me the opposite than does to most people... I get super exalted and exited and start seeing flying ponies. I'm not sure that'd help me with headache haha
chloemonet
05-04-2014, 02:29 PM
Lol it actually does benefit me a lot on cam :) It mellows me out & makes it easier to deal with freeloaders+hours of constant camming because I'm just happy/bubbly/in my zone! *edit: it makes me sleepy from time to time too, but to combat this I'll either drink tea or coffee depending on how tired I am...I've also been smoking for about 2 years now though, so I have a higher tolerance than people who only smoke occasionally.
justanothercamgirl
05-05-2014, 06:18 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD9TAfFEp9A
I highly recommend these cucumber eye pads for computer eye strain at the end of the day. :)
I try to always have a bag full of them in the freezer.
Glamourmilf
05-05-2014, 06:49 AM
Thanks for the migraine relief tips! Glad to know it's just not me who gets them.
Thankfully mine is gone, because today is my birthday, (and the anniversary of my dad's death), so I want it to be a healthy, positive vibe kind of day.
Let the celebrating begin!:cheers:
oh, and happy Cinco de Mayo also everyone!
BellaK
05-05-2014, 02:41 PM
I've been dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression for a very long time for all the teasing and verbal/physical bullying I've endured my whole life for being different, for being who I am. School was always a place of hell for me. Even when I became a young adult, those horrible experiences still affected me greatly. I remember driving myself to the mall and just sat in the car because I was too scared to go inside the mall. I felt powerless.
My life has gotten a lot better when I decided to own my life, when I wanted it to be better because I was sick and tired of always feeling down. I still have moments and days when it's very hard to just leave the house. I am still a work in process but I'm very thankful I am not where I were.
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t94/tsmelania/740717995_zps780c5c0f.gif (http://s158.photobucket.com/user/tsmelania/media/740717995_zps780c5c0f.gif.html)
Awwwww good for you! :-))
37449
Marina Starr
05-05-2014, 03:23 PM
http://i1320.photobucket.com/albums/u535/lak000987/tumblr_m56jlplDe41rqfhi2o1_250_zps5a67e5b5.gif (http://media.photobucket.com/user/lak000987/media/tumblr_m56jlplDe41rqfhi2o1_250_zps5a67e5b5.gif.htm l)
Awwwww good for you! :-))
37449
EvaDarington
05-05-2014, 04:18 PM
I just wanted to say THANK YOU! for this thread, and especially for the inclusion of non-physical illness as well. I can't even count all the times that I've been pushed aside because no one can SEE that I'm hurting. So this is fantastic to see!
I suffer from a few mental illnesses (the main one being bipolar disorder) and it definitely effects my work habits. There are some days when I can't even get out of bed due to crippling depression, anxiety, etc. Sometimes just the thought of work sends me into a panic attack that it takes hours to break out of. I try my hardest to work through the bad days, but sometimes it's just not possible. I have to think about my mental stability and health.
It's been a particularly horrible couple of months for me personally, I had two separate traumatic family incidents (both very unexpected). The stress and grief of those things, coupled with my disorder(s), have made it very difficult for me to smile - let alone perform and be happy for people I don't know.
It truly is refreshing to see the support and love in this thread, something I don't normally find from people due to the fact that I have an "invisible" illness. I get a lot of shit from people who tell me that I'm hiding behind my disorder because I'm lazy, and that it's an excuse. I have no doubt that if I showed physical signs that those people would be singing a different tune.
So again, thank you ladies...you are AWESOME! You are all beautiful, strong, and inspiring!!
http://i.imgur.com/ELTPVzG.gif
Marina Starr
05-05-2014, 04:31 PM
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t94/tsmelania/Crying-Mariah-Carey_zps66513398.gif (http://s158.photobucket.com/user/tsmelania/media/Crying-Mariah-Carey_zps66513398.gif.html)
So again, thank you ladies...you are AWESOME! You are all beautiful, strong, and inspiring!!
Nocturnelle
05-05-2014, 05:18 PM
I hate being depressed and trying to will myself to cam. I have shit I need to do but I'm so scared and full of anxiety that crawling and hiding from the world is just easier.
JaneBurgess
05-05-2014, 05:25 PM
Do you workout? My doctor suggested that for my anxiety/panic attacks to help burn off adrenaline. It has helped a lot and also singing works too. It helps you breathe better.
I hate being depressed and trying to will myself to cam. I have shit I need to do but I'm so scared and full of anxiety that crawling and hiding from the world is just easier.
justanothercamgirl
05-05-2014, 05:28 PM
Do you workout? My doctor suggested that for my anxiety/panic attacks to help burn off adrenaline. It has helped a lot and also singing works too. It helps you breathe better.
I've actually been using a Striiv to help with exercise lately because my health is so unstable I can only very little exercise right now and I am completely in love with it!
JaneBurgess
05-05-2014, 06:51 PM
I'll have to check it out. I've been doing workout vid's from Shaun T and love it. Its hard but so fun to me.
I've actually been using a Striiv to help with exercise lately because my health is so unstable I can only very little exercise right now and I am completely in love with it!
justanothercamgirl
05-06-2014, 08:47 AM
I'll have to check it out. I've been doing workout vid's from Shaun T and love it. Its hard but so fun to me.
If you like walking, you'll probably love it. It is a 'gaming pedometer'. Get the stand alone version if you get one. The type that works with your smart phone seriously sucks!
pinkmegan
05-07-2014, 09:52 AM
When I was 16 I had spinal surgery to remove a cyst from my tailbone. Now I have this giant puffy scar there and the top half of my butt cheeks are basically fused together. It has really messed with my self confidence but camming has actually helped a lot. There are camera angles and positions that allow me to hide this deformity, but my regulars know about it and don't mind at all.
I also have Aspergers, which a type of Autism Spectrum "Disorder". Not really a sickness, but it does interfere with my ability to cam some times. When I was in a school for a Masters program, I developed a bad anxiety disorder and would have panic attacks almost every day. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and took a sick leave from school (probably not going back). I haven't had many panic attacks since but I do experience anxiety about interacting with people. Having Aspergers basically means that its hard for me to do small talk and its always awkward for me to talk to my computer screen as if someone is actually there. So I've had to learn tricks to carry on a conversation with customers and make it feel more natural. I also eat a weed brownie pretty much every time I cam and that really helps me to be more talkative and less anxious/ self conscious. I've been really into voyeur camming lately because it allows me to still make some money when I don't feel like I have the energy to interact with customers.
anonymous camgirl
05-07-2014, 10:32 AM
I used to date a guy who had twin teen boys with asperger's
When I was 16 I had spinal surgery to remove a cyst from my tailbone. Now I have this giant puffy scar there and the top half of my butt cheeks are basically fused together. It has really messed with my self confidence but camming has actually helped a lot. There are camera angles and positions that allow me to hide this deformity, but my regulars know about it and don't mind at all.
I also have Aspergers, which a type of Autism Spectrum "Disorder". Not really a sickness, but it does interfere with my ability to cam some times. When I was in a school for a Masters program, I developed a bad anxiety disorder and would have panic attacks almost every day. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and took a sick leave from school (probably not going back). I haven't had many panic attacks since but I do experience anxiety about interacting with people. Having Aspergers basically means that its hard for me to do small talk and its always awkward for me to talk to my computer screen as if someone is actually there. So I've had to learn tricks to carry on a conversation with customers and make it feel more natural. I also eat a weed brownie pretty much every time I cam and that really helps me to be more talkative and less anxious/ self conscious. I've been really into voyeur camming lately because it allows me to still make some money when I don't feel like I have the energy to interact with customers.
MarvelGirl
05-07-2014, 11:05 AM
I think I'm going to have to join this club. My anemia has been bad lately and there's no way I can dance when I'm like this.
Also, I really wish people would refrain from saying things like "just power through it" or "don't use it as an excuse". That's really insensitive and one of the worst things you can say to a person dealing with an illness. I have pernicious anemia. Basically my blood doesn't have enough oxygen in it. There is no "powering through" that. Frankly, when people say that, I want to duct tape their nose and mouth shut and then poke a couple pinholes in the tape and send them off to run a marathon with the motivation of "Power through that bitch."
AliceFun
05-07-2014, 11:14 AM
^^^ Right is it? I had 2 episodes (last year & this year in winter) where by back hurt soo bad i was not able to turn my body on the other side while in bed & needed my son's help to get to the toilet, i was making baby steps to get there and it was a challenge to pull my panties off to sit on the toilet. 3-4 days each time i was disabled, my son had to take these days off from school to help me thru this. I wonder how 'power through that' could work when u are in this state?
JasmineMinx
05-07-2014, 11:15 AM
I have Tourette syndrome so the slightest noise can be picked up on mic. So far breathing helps, but when there are hardly any guests and learning on my own how to be a cam model with no previous experience, the stress shows. :(
JaneBurgess
05-07-2014, 03:56 PM
Everyone on here is pretty nice and helpful, so if you need help just ask.
I have Tourette syndrome so the slightest noise can be picked up on mic. So far breathing helps, but when there are hardly any guests and learning on my own how to be a cam model with no previous experience, the stress shows. :(
justanothercamgirl
05-08-2014, 12:54 PM
I just need to vent to other camgirls that will understand because I am so fucking frustrated right now.
Today out of nowhere I had a severe panic attack in the middle of a GOLD SHOW. I managed to make it to the end of the show but the panic attack trigger an severe depersonalization-derealization episode which meant that camming or any other focused money-making task was of course out of the question for the rest of the day and seriously need the money. This vicious cycle of being stressed because I don't have enough money and then becoming sick because I am stressed and then find myself unable to make money is soul-crushing sometimes.
I just wish my brain would fucking work! I would seriously give away any brilliance or creativity that I have just to be able to be normal. Even if it was for one damn month of having a brain that actually worked the way it is supposed too.
http://media0.giphy.com/media/eDQSdixgEvsZ2/giphy.gif
I know.........I know.......I need to look on the bright side. I know I have to be thankful that these episodes happen more rarely now when they used to be my day to day life. But, it is so tiring bbs. I've pulled myself up by my bootstraps so much that the leather is really starting to really get thin.
http://media.giphy.com/media/7OnHWs5ryKnNS/giphy.gif
Thanks for listening and letting me vent. I feel a lot better getting all that stuff out of my head.
AliceFun
05-08-2014, 03:20 PM
I feel u JAC, my brain is ok (for the most part lol), i dont have a mental issue just soo much frustration for not having the money i need here, if it's hard for me then for u must be terrible, i am sorry to hear u been thru this love, i hug u from far away, wish u to get well & be able to manage life as good as possible. People here use to say "The money are the eye of the devil", i will say "NOT having enough money is the DEVIL", we need to earn these bloody money to live right? I wish it could pour with money over me (and u) then we will be all happy! Cheers, Get Well!
IvyRose
05-08-2014, 04:12 PM
37489
Big hug JAC!!
I know that cucksucking cirkle- Iam in and out and in it too.
It is really really hard, but dont beat youreself down, or curse youre mind, bec all that hate towards youre body wont do any good (I know it is hard to Let GO, I beat myself up every day to, I just cant help it... Its a work in progress)
You treat youreself extra well esp in those hard times, even though you feel like fighting and wanting to escape that body. I hope you can find something to do or focuss on that takes some of the pressure and negative feeling away from youre mind and body. <3
anonymous camgirl
05-08-2014, 04:23 PM
Much love to you hon.. if there is any way I can help you feel normal.. I"ll be glad to do so.. LOL... message me if you want! oh btw.. I had a panic attack during a gold show before also.. so no disrespect.. I know what you are going through.. just finding a silver lining and helping hand. one of the reasons I do not do gold shows.. to overwhelming for me..
I just need to vent to other camgirls that will understand because I am so fucking frustrated right now.
Today out of nowhere I had a severe panic attack in the middle of a GOLD SHOW. I managed to make it to the end of the show but the panic attack trigger an severe depersonalization-derealization episode which meant that camming or any other focused money-making task was of course out of the question for the rest of the day and seriously need the money. This vicious cycle of being stressed because I don't have enough money and then becoming sick because I am stressed and then find myself unable to make money is soul-crushing sometimes.
I just wish my brain would fucking work! I would seriously give away any brilliance or creativity that I have just to be able to be normal. Even if it was for one damn month of having a brain that actually worked the way it is supposed too.
http://media0.giphy.com/media/eDQSdixgEvsZ2/giphy.gif
I know.........I know.......I need to look on the bright side. I know I have to be thankful that these episodes happen more rarely now when they used to be my day to day life. But, it is so tiring bbs. I've pulled myself up by my bootstraps so much that the leather is really starting to really get thin.
http://media.giphy.com/media/7OnHWs5ryKnNS/giphy.gif
Thanks for listening and letting me vent. I feel a lot better getting all that stuff out of my head.
MarvelGirl
05-08-2014, 04:34 PM
I'm so sorry you had a bad day JAC. Try not to feel guilty about it. I know that's hard to do but it truly isn't your fault. Beating yourself up over it is like beating yourself up for not being able to walk on a broken leg.
I'm glad you have fewer panic attacks than you used to and WOW! on making it through a show while you were having one! That's really impressive. You should give yourself some major props for that. Take it easy for as long as you can, even if that's only the rest of the day.
Marina Starr
05-08-2014, 04:44 PM
You still got your bra straps, sis! You are so strong!
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t94/tsmelania/tumblr_inline_n4cwdcj4Y81qalw15_zpsa6ea899f.gif (http://s158.photobucket.com/user/tsmelania/media/tumblr_inline_n4cwdcj4Y81qalw15_zpsa6ea899f.gif.ht ml)
I know.........I know.......I need to look on the bright side. I know I have to be thankful that these episodes happen more rarely now when they used to be my day to day life. But, it is so tiring bbs. I've pulled myself up by my bootstraps so much that the leather is really starting to really get thin.
http://media.giphy.com/media/7OnHWs5ryKnNS/giphy.gif
Thanks for listening and letting me vent. I feel a lot better getting all that stuff out of my head.
Marina Starr
05-08-2014, 04:49 PM
I cosign! That's like telling a person who's going through depression to just 'get over it'. That's why some people get called out on it when they're being insensitive.
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t94/tsmelania/anigif_enhanced-5919-1399403706-8_zps4bc9b93b.gif (http://s158.photobucket.com/user/tsmelania/media/anigif_enhanced-5919-1399403706-8_zps4bc9b93b.gif.html)
I think I'm going to have to join this club. My anemia has been bad lately and there's no way I can dance when I'm like this.
Also, I really wish people would refrain from saying things like "just power through it" or "don't use it as an excuse". That's really insensitive and one of the worst things you can say to a person dealing with an illness. I have pernicious anemia. Basically my blood doesn't have enough oxygen in it. There is no "powering through" that. Frankly, when people say that, I want to duct tape their nose and mouth shut and then poke a couple pinholes in the tape and send them off to run a marathon with the motivation of "Power through that bitch."
MissQuirk
05-08-2014, 05:19 PM
:< i've been reading this thread, and i've been too nervous to post.
i constantly have this fear that everyone hates me for some reason..or people are pretending to like me and constantly annoyed/hoping i'll go away
but, i had a weird day today and I don't know where else to go
(Trigger Warning for anyone dealing with an eating disorder)
soo I'm a bbw, with EDNOS (eating disorders not otherwise specified) basically I binge, purge, restrict, fast, recover, and relapse...pretty much in that order...prettty much consistently. Anxiety and depression are also some uh...perks of being me.
I spent a week doing pretty well. I was meeting my camming goals, I was eating 1000+ calories per day, I was sort of almost feeling okay
And then I woke up to a troll on twitter this morning saying something like "How did you let yourself get like this, Miss Quirk?"
And for some reason that just got to me. I've been doing so well slaying trolls left and right but that wording is so...I dunnno. :/ So exactly 100% what goes through my mind every time I look in the mirror.
Camming, for some reason, is the only job I can do without having panic attacks. I know I need to sign on tonight, and I know I neeeed to make money. I even almost want to sign on. But I just feel so odd. I feel emotionally heavy. Like I jumped into a freezing cold pool fully dressed, and now I'm walking around in heavy clothes that are just weighing me down. It's exhausting.
There's no real point to this, I just had to get it off my chest :x
JaneBurgess
05-08-2014, 06:40 PM
My brother has Aspergers so I get it. He can't make eye contact with people and is scared to death of crowds. I think its great that you cam because that is a huge step with anxiety/panic attacks.
When I was 16 I had spinal surgery to remove a cyst from my tailbone. Now I have this giant puffy scar there and the top half of my butt cheeks are basically fused together. It has really messed with my self confidence but camming has actually helped a lot. There are camera angles and positions that allow me to hide this deformity, but my regulars know about it and don't mind at all.
I also have Aspergers, which a type of Autism Spectrum "Disorder". Not really a sickness, but it does interfere with my ability to cam some times. When I was in a school for a Masters program, I developed a bad anxiety disorder and would have panic attacks almost every day. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and took a sick leave from school (probably not going back). I haven't had many panic attacks since but I do experience anxiety about interacting with people. Having Aspergers basically means that its hard for me to do small talk and its always awkward for me to talk to my computer screen as if someone is actually there. So I've had to learn tricks to carry on a conversation with customers and make it feel more natural. I also eat a weed brownie pretty much every time I cam and that really helps me to be more talkative and less anxious/ self conscious. I've been really into voyeur camming lately because it allows me to still make some money when I don't feel like I have the energy to interact with customers.
JaneBurgess
05-08-2014, 06:42 PM
Fuck that troll and you should feel sorry for him. He clearly is the one that has issues and is just a dickhead. There is nothing wrong with you or the way you look.
:< i've been reading this thread, and i've been too nervous to post.
i constantly have this fear that everyone hates me for some reason..or people are pretending to like me and constantly annoyed/hoping i'll go away
but, i had a weird day today and I don't know where else to go
(Trigger Warning for anyone dealing with an eating disorder)
soo I'm a bbw, with EDNOS (eating disorders not otherwise specified) basically I binge, purge, restrict, fast, recover, and relapse...pretty much in that order...prettty much consistently. Anxiety and depression are also some uh...perks of being me.
I spent a week doing pretty well. I was meeting my camming goals, I was eating 1000+ calories per day, I was sort of almost feeling okay
And then I woke up to a troll on twitter this morning saying something like "How did you let yourself get like this, Miss Quirk?"
And for some reason that just got to me. I've been doing so well slaying trolls left and right but that wording is so...I dunnno. :/ So exactly 100% what goes through my mind every time I look in the mirror.
Camming, for some reason, is the only job I can do without having panic attacks. I know I need to sign on tonight, and I know I neeeed to make money. I even almost want to sign on. But I just feel so odd. I feel emotionally heavy. Like I jumped into a freezing cold pool fully dressed, and now I'm walking around in heavy clothes that are just weighing me down. It's exhausting.
There's no real point to this, I just had to get it off my chest :x
Glamourmilf
05-09-2014, 08:26 AM
JAC, I hope You feel better.
When I am having a rough day, due to panic attacks, or stress, or a headache, I do back-to back long voyeur shows. I just show my va-ja-jay, or Feet.
It helps a lot, and I can make my soft goal, especially if I add goodies for a tip of over $10.
Plus, I don't even look at my chat screen, which saves my sanity.
laurielegs
05-09-2014, 11:36 AM
People here use to say "The money are the eye of the devil", i will say "NOT having enough money is the DEVIL", we need to earn these bloody money to live right? I wish it could pour with money over me (and u) then we will be all happy! Cheers, Get Well!
Similar to people who say money is the root of all evil (misquoted anyway, quote really says the love of money which to me would refer to being so obsessed you kill someone for it).
In reality the lack of money is the root of all evil. Where is the most unhappiness, the most horrible crimes, and human misery? Where there is poverty.
Money is a blessing!
justanothercamgirl
05-09-2014, 12:37 PM
http://media.giphy.com/media/3HrXEYmdrmF68/giphy.gif
Thank you to everyone to posted such sweet things and PMed me with pep talks the other day. It was very, very unexpected. I am truly flattered by the amount of love that I have been lucky enough to receive in this thread. You all are amazing.
hey, anybody who's got attention deficit? What do you do when you have to focus really bad on something? The more I need to focus the less I'm able to. I start thinking in all the dramas I've had lately for instance, ugh. Then the clock is ticking, deadlines, etc. Then I stress, and I indulge myself with something else to relax a bit and end up doing just nothing until I have a panic attack which lead to fever and vomits. How the hell am I suppose to focus on anything when I'm like this?
It's like a vicious cycle and it never ends. Same with work and money. I've learned how to save up and everything so I don't have to worry that much but when I need to focus on other things... Sometimes I feel my efforts are useless; I find myself having read 40 pages of something and realizing I didn't *really* read anything at all.
Caffeine is good/bad? Any advice? =__=
I find myself adrift.
chloemay
05-09-2014, 01:14 PM
hey, anybody who's got attention deficit? What do you do when you have to focus really bad on something? The more I need to focus the less I'm able to. I start thinking in all the dramas I've had lately for instance, ugh. Then the clock is ticking, deadlines, etc. Then I stress, and I indulge myself with something else to relax a bit and end up doing just nothing until I have a panic attack which lead to fever and vomits. How the hell am I suppose to focus on anything when I'm like this?
It's like a vicious cycle and it never ends. Same with work and money. I've learned how to save up and everything so I don't have to worry that much but when I need to focus on other things... Sometimes I feel my efforts are useless; I find myself having read 40 pages of something and realizing I didn't *really* read anything at all.
Caffeine is good/bad? Any advice? =__=
I find myself adrift.
I have this. I tell myself just to look at it for five minutes, sometimes even setting my phone timer. 1 minute, 3 minutes, whatever I think I can handle. If it works, I either continue, or give myself a break, knowing that at least I completed that. When even that is too much, I give myself a basic task like flossing or brushing my teeth (may have an oral fixation). Once I've done that, there is an accomplishment under my belt and I either move on to the next one (five minutes of checking my bank account and paying bills online, those are things that trigger my anxiety and ADD).
If it works, then yay, I did something I need to do. That is a literal statement, as in, I need to do that soon myself and have been using distractions to avoid the task that triggers anxiety. If not, say, I brush my teeth and then decide to do something else, like read Stripperweb for a few hours, well then I have at least one accomplishment done and feel more confident about trying the next one (BILLS) later or the next day.
I don't even know if that made sense. Another thing I do, is break the task down. For example, get paper and pen. Get passwords and bills. Pull up account to see money available, etc. I break it down in the simplest, most non-threatening pieces possible, and usually complete the task that way.
If anything, i hope this made you feel better for being less screwed up than me! :-)
Glamourmilf
05-09-2014, 02:07 PM
^^ I have attention deficit disorder when I'm camming. Any suggestions for that?
I have to just keep looking at the cam screen, because my custies are like children that need my full attention every minute, or nobody goes prvt. Uggh! they even comment if I'm looking away, or down, heaven forbid!
^^
for me it's specially with studies, really. Or sometimes I'm with people who talks to me and I space out... But I tell'em I did and ask them to repeat again :) I really have an amazing memory and somtimes I impress myself readying extremly fast and focused, when I'm into something. It's just my mind going super fast to a thousan directions all the time.
With cam... I got the "hello? hello ? are you there ?" when I realize it he's gone. I just don't give a fucking damn about it. What i do is entretain myself, like singing, speaking, dancing sometimes haha, I try to distract myself and focus on the people who talks.
But if they want your immediate opinion and they leave... It's not like they're going to spend a dime in pvt, really. If they really like you, they gonna wait. That doesn't mean you won't need to hustle. But if they're like "hi bb hru hello hello" and leave after a second... Fuck'em, they don't deserve my fucking attention for free when I'm singing my heart out.
Don't stress, have fun, and pay attention to the ones who stay.
That's just my humble way to do my things.
JaneBurgess
05-09-2014, 05:52 PM
Hugs. Panic attacks are the worst and they are so draining.
I just need to vent to other camgirls that will understand because I am so fucking frustrated right now.
Today out of nowhere I had a severe panic attack in the middle of a GOLD SHOW. I managed to make it to the end of the show but the panic attack trigger an severe depersonalization-derealization episode which meant that camming or any other focused money-making task was of course out of the question for the rest of the day and seriously need the money. This vicious cycle of being stressed because I don't have enough money and then becoming sick because I am stressed and then find myself unable to make money is soul-crushing sometimes.
I just wish my brain would fucking work! I would seriously give away any brilliance or creativity that I have just to be able to be normal. Even if it was for one damn month of having a brain that actually worked the way it is supposed too.
http://media0.giphy.com/media/eDQSdixgEvsZ2/giphy.gif
I know.........I know.......I need to look on the bright side. I know I have to be thankful that these episodes happen more rarely now when they used to be my day to day life. But, it is so tiring bbs. I've pulled myself up by my bootstraps so much that the leather is really starting to really get thin.
http://media.giphy.com/media/7OnHWs5ryKnNS/giphy.gif
Thanks for listening and letting me vent. I feel a lot better getting all that stuff out of my head.
You know you're a camgirl when your pussy lip gets contact dermatitis. That's right, despite all the coconut oil I use, I now have a sore on my vadge due to chafing.
Hoping that shit's healed by tomorrow; I'm pissed cause I only managed to work 20 hours this week thanks to that AND this is the slowest week I've ever experienced on SM. Guess I might as well get a pussy injury during a bad week, though, because the opportunity cost isn't as bad. I'm taking painkillers, lubing up, and powering through that one as best I can using strategic angling and covering that particular area with my fingers. Also, witch hazel seems to be helping a lot, but when I put it on, it hurts so badly that I have to bite down on something.
Oh, and I have severe non-hyperactive ADD that makes me feel constantly tired, unmotivated, and distracted, as well as easily depressed, but at least I have meds for that... I try not to use them too much (they ARE addictive amphetamines) but my income's at least doubled since starting them. Only issue is they don't last all day, so I have to cram as much cam time in as I can while they're active in my system before I crash and get depressed, bitchy, and start falling asleep. I'd get more so it'd last me and I wouldn't have to ration it out, but I'm on medicaid as a carryover secondary thing and my parent's shitty insurance that has a MASSIVE deductible, which they refuse to cancel despite my asking so that I can get normal insurance on my own or go fully on medicaid, so guess who has to pay 217 bucks a month just to behave like a normal human being? It's a good thing I'm making camming money, or I'd be a wreck right now or even deeper in debt.
Getting normal insurance ASAP because I'd actually save more money paying for it myself.
I have to be really careful and exhibit a lot of self-control around my meds, too, because they affect the brain in the same way cocaine does, so there's that nagging, greedy aspect of always feeling like you need to take more as soon as you start to come down. Early on, a few months ago, when I found the last bits of my old medication, I ended up going through 15 pills in a night without even realizing it and stayed up for two days straight, so I have to really watch myself. Weed really helps me out as a feel-better alternative if I'm feeling exceptionally shitty.
On the bright side: I'm doing well enough that I've made great headway on my $10,500 debt and am now down to 3,800 after only three months of work (and realistically, one month of serious work), so I know that I have the willpower in me to get through everything. It's just a matter of staying happy, logging on, and not letting things get to me.
Pearl_Sugar
05-09-2014, 10:11 PM
Hi, I'm Pearl. Some of you already know me and know me well. I suffer from depression. The debilitating, unmotivating, what is the purpose of life why am I doing this, shit I didn't work yesterday, or the day before, or the day before... Oh, I'm getting evicted? Well, fuck them. Zero fucks here. Depression.
I moved to Vegas from Seattle and I've been feeling so much better, I worked FOUR days in the last week and a half. Isn't that amazing? I was so proud of my little scant $300ish that I got from it.
But now I have a second guy in my life now telling me that he doesn't understand why I work so little, and that if he had my job he would be on cam 12+ hours a day making all of the money possible. And I'm starting to feel useless again. And I want to cry, and go back to being a little lump on the bed because I tried so hard and I worked and I'm being told once again that I'm just not doing good enough...
#sexworkerproblems