View Full Version : The 'Sick Girls' Camming Club
nattyfetish
12-01-2017, 10:02 AM
Calcium and Magnesium always have to be taken together in a 2:1 ratio.... Calcium constricts and magnesium relaxes.. so if all you are taking is calcium you are doing a lot of constricting of muscles including your heart and nothing to relax it.. so if it says you need 250mg of calcium you take 125 mg of mag to go with it.
wow thank you, i didn't know that ! I think i gave myself gerd just because of that, taking calcium only for a longer period of time. I will look at my magnesium dose. I knew that lack of calcium makes your muscles go stiff and articulations (i experienced it) but didn't know that calcium alone without magnesium can constrict too. thank you very much for your valuable info ! Girls, if you have clear instructions to take any type of pills - do it ! Don't fuck it up like i did ugh.
rosefizz
12-13-2017, 12:36 PM
just posting this to see if anyone else has problems like me and i want to feel less alone:
does anyone here have chronic pain? i've been going to my doctor after getting healthcare for the first time in years. they've been doing tests and my dr is saying i have some kind of autoimmune prob like lupus, RA, or something else that's causing my pain + other symptoms. i'm still getting more blood tests done to get diagnosed. i take kratom and CBD when i can afford either and that helps me be able to get up and do stuff. i haven't worked in over a year (besides fast food which lasted 1 night lmfao cause it hut too much) cause of this pain and other life stuff. i'm still figuring this out. i'm only 22 and experiencing a lot of medical issues more and more.
last night was my first shift on streamate and i only lasted 2 hrs. that's ok cause i expected it. i figured out that i don't think i can offer anal because i had problems bending to do that and it was just a lot of my back (where a lot of my pain is). i might try stretching and maybe that will help... idk. it was really embarrassing cause i thought i wouldn't have a prob bending and doing it, but i was struggling and the guy ended up leaving rlly fast anyway bc i felt all flustered in exclusive.
also does anyone else have issues sticking to a schedule? how do you get around that? i never know how i'm going to physically feel on any day, but i also want to have a set schedule so guys will be able to find me easily. seems so hard rn but i'm going to keep pushing and put in at least an hr tonight at around the same time as yesterday. slow and steady might be how i need to go for now.
thanks for listening :)!!
IvyRose
01-24-2018, 01:55 AM
Damn inflammations in my body keep acting up, the holidays Ive been eating a lot of crap and now my body needs to heal again
Back on a strict anti-inflammatory diet since 3 days
I should take my diagnose of Ankylosing Spondylitis more seriously this year, and quit wanting to eat what healthy people eat bec that aint working for my body
I def do not want to end up with fused bones, so I gotta take care of myself, which is kinda difficult at times (i am better at taking care of others)
I need to get myself outof this funk, shape up and do my normal stuff even though I am in pain
I got myself into this mess and I know I can get myself out of it because I did it before
Just hitting a breakingpoint today bec I do not know how long it will take before I can undo the harm I have done to my body & feeling stupid for not realising that it was not a flu that kept coming back but that I was exp fever fro inflammations, so right now I feel like I have been messing up my body for weeks on end hitting it towardcs needing medication daily again and non stop pain
Gotta remember next time when I want to cheat on my diet that it is not just a lillt snack or little treat, it can mess me up for weeks so not months and seriously damage my health.
PixiieGirl
01-24-2018, 04:49 AM
I seem to be getting better at working enough during my highs to take time off during my lows, I need to work on not feeling so guilty
rosefizz
01-24-2018, 05:21 AM
so i just started camming again and i've only been able to put in an hr here or an hr there bc of my health issues. i've been using cams and it's sooo slow. i've only been able to work 4.9 hrs this last week split over a few days and i've made $33. :/ is this what i can expect from not being able to put in a lot of hours or should i switch sites? figured everyone in this thread would get not being able to put in a lot of hrs. i haven't rlly been feeling great but i'm still trying. idk feeling sad. i could only put in 25 mins last night and had to log off cause i kept yawning bc of my meds. zonked out for 5 hrs after that. didn't make anything.
PixiieGirl
01-24-2018, 05:46 AM
so i just started camming again and i've only been able to put in an hr here or an hr there bc of my health issues. i've been using cams and it's sooo slow. i've only been able to work 4.9 hrs this last week split over a few days and i've made $33. :/ is this what i can expect from not being able to put in a lot of hours or should i switch sites? figured everyone in this thread would get not being able to put in a lot of hrs. i haven't rlly been feeling great but i'm still trying. idk feeling sad. i could only put in 25 mins last night and had to log off cause i kept yawning bc of my meds. zonked out for 5 hrs after that. didn't make anything.
I can’t cam much either due to various things, my saving grace is /more eggs/, clips are passive income, split camming, texting, phone chat
Good luck!
DancesWithSloths
01-24-2018, 09:38 AM
so i just started camming again and i've only been able to put in an hr here or an hr there bc of my health issues. i've been using cams and it's sooo slow. i've only been able to work 4.9 hrs this last week split over a few days and i've made $33. :/ is this what i can expect from not being able to put in a lot of hours or should i switch sites? figured everyone in this thread would get not being able to put in a lot of hrs. i haven't rlly been feeling great but i'm still trying. idk feeling sad. i could only put in 25 mins last night and had to log off cause i kept yawning bc of my meds. zonked out for 5 hrs after that. didn't make anything.
IMO online sex work is still the best occupation for disabled people, but you have to assess what your body needs and plan your types of work accordingly. The key point is, it's not about how many hours you sit out on cam; it's about how many hours of entertainment you can sell. These could be live cam hours, phone chat hours, or cumulative hours from lots of people watching your recorded content. You just need to figure out how to arrange your working life so you can create and sell enough entertainment working with the time and energy that you do have.
Camming on a freechat-based site is taxing, but it's also still the fastest way to make money. You'd probably do better on Streamate than Cams - it's still the place with the most traffic, glitches or no glitches. If you can, try to sell fetish and domme shows - talking and teasing is much less exhausting than writhing in a sexy manner. Set the broadcaster to record your shows; you can turn them into clips later.
With that said, during slow times like now exhausting yourself in freechat is a very poor use of your time. Able-bodied girls have the luxury of wasting their energy like that, because they can rely on being able to do it again tomorrow. If you're not sure you'll be able to work tomorrow, using your time today to best effect is crucial. What that means for you is hard to say without knowing your circumstances, but it could be throwing 80% of your energy into clips and only logging into freechat during the few days around payday, or it could be learning to splitcam several freechats, or it could be going indy.
If you don't have many other demands on your time when you're off cam, register for phone sites, and just leave them on whenever you're not sleeping. Phone money doesn't come as fast as cam money, but once you build up regulars, waiting for them to call you is a lot less tiring than sitting in free chat waiting for your cam regulars to get a show. Personally, this is what saves my ass, as I find clips too taxing to make, but it might be different for you and you rock the video hustle, so try and see.
Clips or audio files - the income builds up very slowly, but if you allocate an hour of your time to create a clip, and build up to a library of work you like, not only do they bring you passive income, but you can also use them to advertise custom clips, which do pay very nicely.
It's super unfair that we sick girls can't rely on the good old ass-in-chair method to grow our income, but there's still ways and means. You got this. *fistbump*
rosefizz
03-06-2018, 09:42 AM
IMO online sex work is still the best occupation for disabled people, but you have to assess what your body needs and plan your types of work accordingly. The key point is, it's not about how many hours you sit out on cam; it's about how many hours of entertainment you can sell. These could be live cam hours, phone chat hours, or cumulative hours from lots of people watching your recorded content. You just need to figure out how to arrange your working life so you can create and sell enough entertainment working with the time and energy that you do have.
Camming on a freechat-based site is taxing, but it's also still the fastest way to make money. You'd probably do better on Streamate than Cams - it's still the place with the most traffic, glitches or no glitches. If you can, try to sell fetish and domme shows - talking and teasing is much less exhausting than writhing in a sexy manner. Set the broadcaster to record your shows; you can turn them into clips later.
With that said, during slow times like now exhausting yourself in freechat is a very poor use of your time. Able-bodied girls have the luxury of wasting their energy like that, because they can rely on being able to do it again tomorrow. If you're not sure you'll be able to work tomorrow, using your time today to best effect is crucial. What that means for you is hard to say without knowing your circumstances, but it could be throwing 80% of your energy into clips and only logging into freechat during the few days around payday, or it could be learning to splitcam several freechats, or it could be going indy.
If you don't have many other demands on your time when you're off cam, register for phone sites, and just leave them on whenever you're not sleeping. Phone money doesn't come as fast as cam money, but once you build up regulars, waiting for them to call you is a lot less tiring than sitting in free chat waiting for your cam regulars to get a show. Personally, this is what saves my ass, as I find clips too taxing to make, but it might be different for you and you rock the video hustle, so try and see.
Clips or audio files - the income builds up very slowly, but if you allocate an hour of your time to create a clip, and build up to a library of work you like, not only do they bring you passive income, but you can also use them to advertise custom clips, which do pay very nicely.
It's super unfair that we sick girls can't rely on the good old ass-in-chair method to grow our income, but there's still ways and means. You got this. *fistbump*
thank you SO much! i switched over to streamate and i HAVE been doing a lot better. i have cams as a back up site for when streamate gets slow, but streamate is my #1 right now. i switched over to daily pay too since i needed to get access to my money asap in case i ran out of meds, supplements (i use a few that help and i rely on), or something like that.
i'm working on slowly clips and phone sites right now. i've been taking it slow as to avoid burn out at all costs (has been working too). so far i've been good at juggling the additions since i don't waste my time on cam when it's slow.
and yea, camming has been the best job i've been able to do as a disabled person! it's so empowering to me to be able to make money and take care of myself instead of rely on my parents / friends as much.
thank you so much for the advice :)
i've found i've been able to consistently be on cam for at least an hour more often now that i switched to streamate since it does have more traffic. my hourly rate has gone up a lot and that is really important since, yea, i can't sit on cam for hours at a time.
skype has been saving me and really helping. i absolutely love doing skype shows!
gorgeousbbw
03-25-2018, 08:12 PM
Hi, i was wondering if anyone had some tips on how you cope with camming with a chronic illness? i have severe....extreme...chronic fatigue syndrome and i cannot take stimulants. so with that being said i am very limited to camming about four hours but even then i am exhausted. do u recomend i split shifts? what works for u when u have zero energy to cam? i need to make hours yet physically my body disagrees. i don't have the energy for clips as my fan base SUCKS and doesn't buy anything. i do cam part time and pso fulltime but i just wish i could make cam work for me.
Paradoxx
03-30-2018, 06:26 PM
Hi, i was wondering if anyone had some tips on how you cope with camming with a chronic illness? i have severe....extreme...chronic fatigue syndrome and i cannot take stimulants. so with that being said i am very limited to camming about four hours but even then i am exhausted. do u recomend i split shifts? what works for u when u have zero energy to cam? i need to make hours yet physically my body disagrees. i don't have the energy for clips as my fan base SUCKS and doesn't buy anything. i do cam part time and pso fulltime but i just wish i could make cam work for me.
I'm dealing with possible endometriosis (won't be officially diagnosed until my appt. next month, but my periods literally make me pass out from the pain and it runs in my family), so I can definitely relate to not being able to do ANYTHING. I'm just starting out with clips, so I can't say my fanbase sucks 'cause I don't really have one yet LOL but the few I've made have all been purchased at least once, so that gives me hope. But I usually end up putting off filming until my cycle comes around and it's too late lol. :p
To answer your question though, indy camming has been a GODSEND for me, which is also why this Skype nonsense is killing me inside lmao. I didn't really give it a fair shot initially because I realize how much "easier" it can be to make money on a free chat site, but it's the only thing that's been keeping me from exhausting myself while still making pretty good money. Establishing regulars is very important, obviously. I do a fair amount of my own marketing and I bid on NF regularly, but even with the extra self promo, it's worth it for me.
gorgeousbbw
03-31-2018, 01:38 AM
I'm dealing with possible endometriosis (won't be officially diagnosed until my appt. next month, but my periods literally make me pass out from the pain and it runs in my family), so I can definitely relate to not being able to do ANYTHING. I'm just starting out with clips, so I can't say my fanbase sucks 'cause I don't really have one yet LOL but the few I've made have all been purchased at least once, so that gives me hope. But I usually end up putting off filming until my cycle comes around and it's too late lol. :p
To answer your question though, indy camming has been a GODSEND for me, which is also why this Skype nonsense is killing me inside lmao. I didn't really give it a fair shot initially because I realize how much "easier" it can be to make money on a free chat site, but it's the only thing that's been keeping me from exhausting myself while still making pretty good money. Establishing regulars is very important, obviously. I do a fair amount of my own marketing and I bid on NF regularly, but even with the extra self promo, it's worth it for me.
thank you Corie, i have stage 4 endometrioses and fibroids too! I know that struggle and the pain is unbearable. I do indie camming as much as i can but i am only on twitter so i don't have a big following for my indie shows yet. I am on SM but the money there is crap right now. I wish i could build on indie more but not really sure how to go about it. I am not sure if my severe fatigue is from my endometrioses or not but some days it is so hard to just cam for 4 hours. and i need to do that minimum. ugh the struggle is real.
caramelcraze
03-31-2018, 05:15 AM
It's been a rough month for me. Was officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia earlier in the month after 4 months of steadily being in more and more pain all over my body. Some days are fine, others I'm in too much pain to even sit on my damn couch. The constant exhaustion/brain fog on top of it is almost more than I can handle some days. To top it off, I changed birth control methods and anxiety meds, so I've been spotting non-stop for 4 weeks (so my camming has been even more limited) & back to being horrendously panic stricken while waiting for my body to adjust to these meds (if it does at all). At this point I'm just so overwhelmed by everything.
Paradoxx
03-31-2018, 06:08 AM
thank you Corie, i have stage 4 endometrioses and fibroids too! I know that struggle and the pain is unbearable. I do indie camming as much as i can but i am only on twitter so i don't have a big following for my indie shows yet. I am on SM but the money there is crap right now. I wish i could build on indie more but not really sure how to go about it. I am not sure if my severe fatigue is from my endometrioses or not but some days it is so hard to just cam for 4 hours. and i need to do that minimum. ugh the struggle is real.
I'm so sorry to hear that, this pain is miserable and finding doctors who actually know what to do about it is even worse, at least where I'm at. Definitely sending sympathies to you, girl. </3
Tbh I only have under 200 followers on Twitter and really only one confirmed custie who found me from there -- I know you mentioned that you do PSO (another godsend for me on those days where I just cannot do two hours of makeup lol), do you use NiteFlirt at all? Bidding has been my savior on there. I admittedly bid up the ass at first, but then I keep pushing ratings and feedback and I'm pretty sure that helps my LVS to keep my ranking higher for a lot less. I got really lucky and got a 9.99/min. call last week that boosted my rating points a TON so I didn't have to pay anything at all to be on page one and that got me a ton of free exposure. I'm honestly still getting the hang of promoting my indy sites on Twitter, but bidding has been the easiest way for me to get new callers, so if you use NF for indy, I highly recommend trying that.
naomi_doll
03-31-2018, 07:04 AM
I'm dealing with possible endometriosis (won't be officially diagnosed until my appt. next month, but my periods literally make me pass out from the pain and it runs in my family), so I can definitely relate to not being able to do ANYTHING. I'm just starting out with clips, so I can't say my fanbase sucks 'cause I don't really have one yet LOL but the few I've made have all been purchased at least once, so that gives me hope. But I usually end up putting off filming until my cycle comes around and it's too late lol. :p
Hi! I also have endo and trust me, getting diagnosed, having the laparoscopy and getting on birth control/hormones is going to change your life. :D I still have pain some times (especially if I forget to take medicine) so I just take it slow and give myself as many breaks as I need. (even once an hour if I need to) Clips and texting have also helped when I can't be on cam for long, I focus on getting at least one new clip out every week.
SweetJuliaXXX
06-05-2018, 11:03 AM
just posting this to see if anyone else has problems like me and i want to feel less alone:
does anyone here have chronic pain? i've been going to my doctor after getting healthcare for the first time in years. they've been doing tests and my dr is saying i have some kind of autoimmune prob like lupus, RA, or something else that's causing my pain + other symptoms. i'm still getting more blood tests done to get diagnosed. i take kratom and CBD when i can afford either and that helps me be able to get up and do stuff. i haven't worked in over a year (besides fast food which lasted 1 night lmfao cause it hut too much) cause of this pain and other life stuff. i'm still figuring this out. i'm only 22 and experiencing a lot of medical issues more and more.
last night was my first shift on streamate and i only lasted 2 hrs. that's ok cause i expected it. i figured out that i don't think i can offer anal because i had problems bending to do that and it was just a lot of my back (where a lot of my pain is). i might try stretching and maybe that will help... idk. it was really embarrassing cause i thought i wouldn't have a prob bending and doing it, but i was struggling and the guy ended up leaving rlly fast anyway bc i felt all flustered in exclusive.
also does anyone else have issues sticking to a schedule? how do you get around that? i never know how i'm going to physically feel on any day, but i also want to have a set schedule so guys will be able to find me easily. seems so hard rn but i'm going to keep pushing and put in at least an hr tonight at around the same time as yesterday. slow and steady might be how i need to go for now.
thanks for listening :)!!
Can I make a suggestion? I got tboned by a semi a few years ago and have some chronic pain from it. What has REALLY helped non-medically is massage and yoga. Medically, neurontin really makes it go away so I can function and have a great quality of life. If I were you, I'd ask your doc about it. I'm not sure what state you're in; it may be a scheduled drug where you are vs. where I am, but I've never seen anyone be turned down for it. Also, kava is great for pain, as it really relaxes your muscles and, while the pain is still there, it becomes more a a relaxed and just the tiniest bit achy feeling. The only thing is, it can cause liver issues; they recommend getting a liver test every four months when on it. Best of luck, I know pain sucks, but there are resources out there to minimize it and allow you to have a great quality of life. Best wishes to you :)
Signed,
The girl who also has chronic pain after being struck by a semi at 70 mph and somehow lived. Obviously, that brought out a touch of PTSD.
SweetJuliaXXX
06-05-2018, 11:07 AM
Hi, i was wondering if anyone had some tips on how you cope with camming with a chronic illness? i have severe....extreme...chronic fatigue syndrome and i cannot take stimulants. so with that being said i am very limited to camming about four hours but even then i am exhausted. do u recomend i split shifts? what works for u when u have zero energy to cam? i need to make hours yet physically my body disagrees. i don't have the energy for clips as my fan base SUCKS and doesn't buy anything. i do cam part time and pso fulltime but i just wish i could make cam work for me.
I recommend you get your thyroid tested. A slow thyroid can cause major fatigue; it isn't your fault. Since you dislike stimulants, all I can really recommend is B12; preferably as an injection in a doctors' office. I've driven people to get it and they've said it's a night and day difference from how they felt before getting it.
CamChik
06-05-2018, 01:03 PM
I recommend you get your thyroid tested. A slow thyroid can cause major fatigue; it isn't your fault. Since you dislike stimulants, all I can really recommend is B12; preferably as an injection in a doctors' office. I've driven people to get it and they've said it's a night and day difference from how they felt before getting it.
I will definitely back this up! B12 has worked WONDERS for me in regards to energy levels! The first few times I took it I felt a little shaky but that wore off and now the only thing I notice is more energy and a great appetite!
SweetJuliaXXX
06-05-2018, 03:28 PM
^Most docs are more than willing to do the injection asap; not sure if insurance covers it. I payed cash; it was very reasonable and worth it.
caramelcraze
06-11-2018, 09:32 AM
Anyone here have fibro? I'd love to exchange notes & find out what supplements (if any) you take?
MILFYfun
06-12-2018, 06:19 PM
My most serious illnesses are Major Depression Disorder w/ OCD features and ADHD. I would not be able to function in any job, if I did not take an SSRI daily.
Then I also have a metabolic syndrome which causes cysts on my ovaries, and I also have tumors in my uterus, which make my periods VERY painful. I might be getting those removed soon though, fingers crossed, I had a very, very difficult pregnancy and birth due to them. I also have chronic anemia.
Overall depression and anxiety are my biggest block though. Difficult periods are never fun in this line of work though..or any I guess :) Recently I have had a lot of back problems, but they are due to bigger breasts (nursing), as well as not stretching enough on camming breaks. So I don't really count the back issues, because I can make them tolerable, without any kind of medical treatment. I am only 37. I have been doing very well recently though. Anxiety can be really difficult to break through sometimes.
I feel you all! Hugs. Wishing everyone prosperity and comfort.
I feel for you ladies, i had a total hysterectomy last year cause of endometrial hyperplasia, i had severe bleeding for the last 2-3 years with anemia and lots of pain, nothing was working anymore as treatment so i got a biopsy done and went for surgery, i am all good now and very happy for no more periods, thank God for this!!
I also have autoimmune tyro and take pills for it.
My biggest challenge is the back pain, this is difficult to handle and cant work a vanilla job anymore as i planned (wanted to retire from camming), i cant stand or sit for too long therefore not possible to get a regular job but cam at home for as long as i can handle.
Pain killers affected my stomach so i try to manage back pain w.o pills.
I have fatigue episodes now and then and for some reason prolactin levels are higher than normal so i'll get a MRI to see if there is a prolactinoma on my pituitary gland, will see about this end of august when i have the appointment.
I have some other health issues but are minor compared to what i typed in here.
Yes some of us really deal with health issues of wide range and we can only cam, no vanilla jobs possible (not anymore for some).
We need to be brave and carry on, wish u all good health and all the best!
patternrecognition
06-20-2018, 01:39 PM
my period is freaking destroying me every month. im recovering from some hectic garbage from last year and pms keeps sending me straight back there for at least a week and a half at a time and i keep taking my meds erratically during that time making it harder to bounce back and my sleep schedule is ALL over the place. how tf do i make a schedule if i can't count on myself to be awake at any given time ever?
PixiieGirl
06-20-2018, 01:45 PM
I'm trying to get back to work, usually my anxiety means Im a workaholic, but when my depression rears getting out of bed is hard, I've been drinking too much and all my routines have gone to shit, I hate being ill sometimes it really fucks with my earnings :(
Miss-Trust
06-27-2018, 05:45 AM
I need to vent about what's going on with me and how it effects my work.
I'm writing this here as I'm hoping someone on here might understand what is going on with me. I have spoken to my partner, friends and family but the problem is that they don't get it. It's not their fault and they do try their best. But how can someone who has never had to deal with mental issues like mine ever be able to really get what's going on. How can anyone who has never worked in the adult industry understand what is involved? I think they think that its just a lazy way of making money.
It started when I was 13. Because of it I went through what I now find out was a phsycotic episode. It was hell and it was lonely. I was only a teenager and I didnt understand what was happenning. I still can't forgive myself for some of the things I did and believed during that time. I have tried many times to piece togather what happenned back then and I still cant. I have a large amount of time missing and other things just don't make sense. It's like trying to out a jigsaw puzzle togather where a bunch of the pieces are missing and a load of pieces don't fit.
I was lucky to escape it without the proper help. In fact strangely enough, it was sex work and running away from home that saved me. Which I still don't entirely understand.
I have now got to a place where I don't drink myself into a stupor most nights which is obviously a good thing. But I am still left with this.
I am now pretty sure that I am bipolar. I have done alot of research and have been keeping a mood diary that has helped me to actually see what is going on. Bipolar fits and makes sense. I know that self diagnosing is not a great idea but I have to know what I am fighting. I can't wait years until I get a diagnosis. By that time anything could have happenned.
A few months back I went through the longest of depressive episodes that I ever gone through. Usually they will last anywhere from 6 weeks to a few months. This one lasted over 6 months. I am still trying to recover from it.
3 weeks ago I was on top of the world. For any of you Harry potter fans out there, I felt exactly like how Harry felt when he took the luck potion. It was epic! I have now come to realise that that was my hypomanic episode. I am lucky that I don't have bad manic episode, in fact my hypomanic episodes I get is more like having a break from the hell that goes on inside of me. All of the sudden one day I woke up (after having the best day ever) in what I now understand is a mixed episode. It was like someone had flipped a switch in the night. Its like having the energy of the hypomania but with what I can only describe as the grief of just learning a loved one died. Pent up, anxious, angry, sad, bursting at the seams while feeling like I'm being hunted by something.It is intense and by far the worst of the episodes. It lasted about 6 days. After that I went through about a week and a half of partly feeling as though I am grieving but mostly blank. I was not in my body. I have now found out from my therapist that this is called dissociation. After that, and up until now, I am feeling low with that grieving type pain. Sometimes I'll be happy but the grieving type pain is in the back ground.
I know that just round the corner is the next depressive episode. I don't know when the big drop is going to come and I don't know how long this one will go on for. These are the episodes that are the worst when it comes to work.
I am currently in the rare spot where I can work. The bit just before the big drop comes. It is here in this spot that I have to scramble to make as much money as possible before it hits.
Camming is not what is was once like. Back in the day ,during my first couple of years camming, I could log in for 3 hours and make £100 no problem. It was easy to make up the money ready for the next episode. It is completely different now days. It takes so much more time and energy. It requires consistency. I have little energy which is exacerbated by an eating problem, and I can't be consistent due to my mood swings.
I am good at what I do! I know that. I have so many great ideas, I am a very creative person. I know what to do, I know how to do it, I just don't have the energy nor consistency for it.
I don't know how much longer I can keep on doing this. This all started when I was 13. I am now 31. Getting a diagnosis and then getting the correct meds and therapy is going to take years.
I've lost most of my friends, I'm distant from my family and I even worry if I might one day lose my partner because of this.
I could be so much more than this. I just can't quite get there.
Sorry for the essay. I just needed to vent. To get it out there. Maybe there might be others out there that are going through or have gone through the same thing.
JaneBurgess
06-27-2018, 04:34 PM
I need to vent about what's going on with me and how it effects my work.
I'm writing this here as I'm hoping someone on here might understand what is going on with me. I have spoken to my partner, friends and family but the problem is that they don't get it. It's not their fault and they do try their best. But how can someone who has never had to deal with mental issues like mine ever be able to really get what's going on. How can anyone who has never worked in the adult industry understand what is involved? I think they think that its just a lazy way of making money.
It started when I was 13. Because of it I went through what I now find out was a phsycotic episode. It was hell and it was lonely. I was only a teenager and I didnt understand what was happenning. I still can't forgive myself for some of the things I did and believed during that time. I have tried many times to piece togather what happenned back then and I still cant. I have a large amount of time missing and other things just don't make sense. It's like trying to out a jigsaw puzzle togather where a bunch of the pieces are missing and a load of pieces don't fit.
I was lucky to escape it without the proper help. In fact strangely enough, it was sex work and running away from home that saved me. Which I still don't entirely understand.
I have now got to a place where I don't drink myself into a stupor most nights which is obviously a good thing. But I am still left with this.
I am now pretty sure that I am bipolar. I have done alot of research and have been keeping a mood diary that has helped me to actually see what is going on. Bipolar fits and makes sense. I know that self diagnosing is not a great idea but I have to know what I am fighting. I can't wait years until I get a diagnosis. By that time anything could have happenned.
A few months back I went through the longest of depressive episodes that I ever gone through. Usually they will last anywhere from 6 weeks to a few months. This one lasted over 6 months. I am still trying to recover from it.
3 weeks ago I was on top of the world. For any of you Harry potter fans out there, I felt exactly like how Harry felt when he took the luck potion. It was epic! I have now come to realise that that was my hypomanic episode. I am lucky that I don't have bad manic episode, in fact my hypomanic episodes I get is more like having a break from the hell that goes on inside of me. All of the sudden one day I woke up (after having the best day ever) in what I now understand is a mixed episode. It was like someone had flipped a switch in the night. Its like having the energy of the hypomania but with what I can only describe as the grief of just learning a loved one died. Pent up, anxious, angry, sad, bursting at the seams while feeling like I'm being hunted by something.It is intense and by far the worst of the episodes. It lasted about 6 days. After that I went through about a week and a half of partly feeling as though I am grieving but mostly blank. I was not in my body. I have now found out from my therapist that this is called dissociation. After that, and up until now, I am feeling low with that grieving type pain. Sometimes I'll be happy but the grieving type pain is in the back ground.
I know that just round the corner is the next depressive episode. I don't know when the big drop is going to come and I don't know how long this one will go on for. These are the episodes that are the worst when it comes to work.
I am currently in the rare spot where I can work. The bit just before the big drop comes. It is here in this spot that I have to scramble to make as much money as possible before it hits.
Camming is not what is was once like. Back in the day ,during my first couple of years camming, I could log in for 3 hours and make £100 no problem. It was easy to make up the money ready for the next episode. It is completely different now days. It takes so much more time and energy. It requires consistency. I have little energy which is exacerbated by an eating problem, and I can't be consistent due to my mood swings.
I am good at what I do! I know that. I have so many great ideas, I am a very creative person. I know what to do, I know how to do it, I just don't have the energy nor consistency for it.
I don't know how much longer I can keep on doing this. This all started when I was 13. I am now 31. Getting a diagnosis and then getting the correct meds and therapy is going to take years.
I've lost most of my friends, I'm distant from my family and I even worry if I might one day lose my partner because of this.
I could be so much more than this. I just can't quite get there.
Sorry for the essay. I just needed to vent. To get it out there. Maybe there might be others out there that are going through or have gone through the same thing.
Have you been properly diagnosed by a psychiatrist? People with Bi-Polar can do very well on medication but it wont fix itself. It shouldnt take years to get diagnosed and the very first visit they should be able to tell. As soon as youre diagnosed you get a script for medication. A lot of us on here have mental illnesses and takes meds for it
Miss-Trust
06-28-2018, 09:42 AM
No I havnt been diagnosed. I entered the mental health system a few months back and they gave me 6 cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy) sessions and after then I was discharged. This was when I was during my rise up to my super happy days and so it obviously looked like I was getting better. They basically put me down as having anxiety and depression. It's only the last 4 weeks that I have been keeping a mood diary and from that I have been able to see my moods so much easier.
I have thought that I might be bipolar for a while but now my mood diary plus hearing from people with bipolar, I have managed to piece togather what i thinks going on.
What makes me think that it is going to take so long for a diagnosis is that I've heard so many other bipolar people talk about how long it took for them to get their diagnosis and how frustrated they got with the process.
I was going to track my moods for a little while longer but I've decided to just take what I have to my doctor tomorrow. By the time I have got back to see a therapist then I should have another 6 weeks in my mood diary to show.
The whole idea of meds scare me. I've heard of the journey people have had with trial and error and I worry if it will send me crazy. I have to have such a tight hold of myself right now and if meds put me off balance then it could be hell.
Thanks for the reply. I didn't really expect for people to reply to my mile long essay. I just needed to get it out there if you get what I mean.
Xxx
anonymous camgirl
06-28-2018, 10:03 AM
Before you get on meds for mental health, are you SURE you don't have a thyroid issue.. having a TSH as high as over 1.5 can make you hypo.. which also gives you depression, anxiety mood swings etc etc.. now if you go on the mental meds and continue to not treat your thyroid you will get worse in the long run... Because it could be stemming from there.. that's what my problem is..
No I havnt been diagnosed. I entered the mental health system a few months back and they gave me 6 cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy) sessions and after then I was discharged. This was when I was during my rise up to my super happy days and so it obviously looked like I was getting better. They basically put me down as having anxiety and depression. It's only the last 4 weeks that I have been keeping a mood diary and from that I have been able to see my moods so much easier.
I have thought that I might be bipolar for a while but now my mood diary plus hearing from people with bipolar, I have managed to piece togather what i thinks going on.
What makes me think that it is going to take so long for a diagnosis is that I've heard so many other bipolar people talk about how long it took for them to get their diagnosis and how frustrated they got with the process.
I was going to track my moods for a little while longer but I've decided to just take what I have to my doctor tomorrow. By the time I have got back to see a therapist then I should have another 6 weeks in my mood diary to show.
The whole idea of meds scare me. I've heard of the journey people have had with trial and error and I worry if it will send me crazy. I have to have such a tight hold of myself right now and if meds put me off balance then it could be hell.
Thanks for the reply. I didn't really expect for people to reply to my mile long essay. I just needed to get it out there if you get what I mean.
Xxx
Miss-Trust
06-28-2018, 10:18 AM
I've had bloods done a few times now over the last couple of years and they've come back normal. I had specifically asked for my thyroid to be checked as well and I know 2 of the tests definatly checked for thyroid function.
I know what you mean about how the thyroid can send you crazy. My other half had uncontrollable thyroid levels that couldn't be controlled by meds. He ended up having to have his thyroid gland killed off with radioactive iodine. He really did go crazy! Luckily he didn't get the anger but instead got the flight bit of the fight or flight. He'd dissappear for months at a time. Hes all good now though. He just has to take a thyroxin tablet each day and there's no problem.
X
anonymous camgirl
06-28-2018, 11:17 AM
Yea I will say before I had a thyroid problem.. I was that cool chill girl.. .. now I am psycho old lady ....lol.. and for years I wondered what happened to me because this is not who I was before?... and now I know why!.. over 20 yrs with hypothyroidism that for the most of the time I didn't know I had.
I've had bloods done a few times now over the last couple of years and they've come back normal. I had specifically asked for my thyroid to be checked as well and I know 2 of the tests definatly checked for thyroid function.
I know what you mean about how the thyroid can send you crazy. My other half had uncontrollable thyroid levels that couldn't be controlled by meds. He ended up having to have his thyroid gland killed off with radioactive iodine. He really did go crazy! Luckily he didn't get the anger but instead got the flight bit of the fight or flight. He'd dissappear for months at a time. Hes all good now though. He just has to take a thyroxin tablet each day and there's no problem.
X
Miss-Trust
06-28-2018, 12:01 PM
It's so random how long a person cn have over or under active thyroid and not realise. My other half would have had it for most of his life (he's now 59) but it was only a few years back when it really went off the chart that he found out.
Another couple of things that you wouldnt have thought to be connected was that he had really bad acid reflux that disappeared after he had his thyroid out. Then there was wierd things that for years he would crave, he craved everything to burnt. He loved burnt toast especially. As soon as he had his thyroid taken out then he couldnt stand anything burnt. He had loved burnt food since as far back as he can remember. No idea what his body must have been missing to crave burnt stuff though!
X
anonymous camgirl
06-28-2018, 12:20 PM
I am just now learning it causes so much damage to the body.. I am suffering with a dry eye and plantar fasciitis I am trying to get rid of for good.. and I had a fracture.. All roads lead to the thyroid.. It can cause heart disease, diabetes, cancer, estrogen dominance.. everything.. it's just not about your weight as I previously thought...lol...I just figured .. oh I have a slow thyroid.. so I can't lose weight easily or I gain weight easily.. I had no clue how dangerous it really is.. dry eye is such a pain in the ass .. my PF only flares.. I also get a lot of nerve damage which comes and goes so I try to stay on top of the B complex and Benfotiamine and that makes it go away. I am sure unless I fix myself the other things won't go away necessarily. I am a special diet for Thyroid/Adrenals that also includes key supplements and hormones.. It's called The Hypothyroidism Revolution it's pretty good so far.. to soon to tell.. It's not even been 2 weeks I have been on it.. but I am sure I will report back to everyone about it.. The original site is www.forefronthealth.com
It's so random how long a person cn have over or under active thyroid and not realise. My other half would have had it for most of his life (he's now 59) but it was only a few years back when it really went off the chart that he found out.
Another couple of things that you wouldnt have thought to be connected was that he had really bad acid reflux that disappeared after he had his thyroid out. Then there was wierd things that for years he would crave, he craved everything to burnt. He loved burnt toast especially. As soon as he had his thyroid taken out then he couldnt stand anything burnt. He had loved burnt food since as far back as he can remember. No idea what his body must have been missing to crave burnt stuff though!
X
Miss-Trust
06-28-2018, 12:35 PM
Wowzer that sounds like hell! I'm really surprised that your doctor hasn't recommended having your thyroid killed off with it causing so many other health issues. It doesn't involve any surgery, you take a radioactive iodine tablet that kills off just your thyroid. The only problem with it is that it can effect your fertility.
X
anonymous camgirl
06-28-2018, 12:46 PM
I choose not to kill off anything, I have lived without a gallbladder since I was 27 and it's hell enough not having that.. You need it!.. You really do need all your organs. .. Your quality of life is less than.. They only do that if you have serious issues. Like thyroid cancer and something else I forgot what it was.. tumours or something? .. I am sub clinical.. so I hope to reverse this situation.. My doc has not done any thorough Thyroid Panel due to insurance and everything she does comes back in range.. these are just lil things though.. not big issues that I have.
Wowzer that sounds like hell! I'm really surprised that your doctor hasn't recommended having your thyroid killed off with it causing so many other health issues. It doesn't involve any surgery, you take a radioactive iodine tablet that kills off just your thyroid. The only problem with it is that it can effect your fertility.
X
JaneBurgess
06-28-2018, 04:11 PM
I have a thyroid issue and was diagnosed with Hashimotos. Depression and anxiety issues dont mean you have a thyroid problem, its not a highly common issue. She said bi-polar which a thyroid condition couldn't cause even on its worse day. It cant cause diabetes, it can effect treatment in patients that already have it. The same with heart disease, it doesnt cause it unless you have been un-medicated for a very long time. Most people with a thyroid issues also have an auto immune disease, usually more then one in many situations. Its important to take medication and follow a strict diet if you have Hashimotos or a similar disorder. You should also be in under a doctors care since it wont go away on its own and it can cause a thyroid storm which can kill you. Take your health seriously no matter what your condition is
Miss-Trust
06-29-2018, 03:46 AM
Anonymous girl I hope this diet works out for you and you manage to get it under control. I can understand you not wanting to sacrifice any or of your bits! Since my other half had his thyroid out it has had quite an effect in his immune system, he now catches ever thing and suffers for it. It's also brought out other old injuries and stuff which I think comes down to the toll it all has on his body. It's nothing too major though.
Jane, thyroid problems can look alot like bipolar sometimes depending upon what the thyroid issue is. My other half had a really overactive thyroid that was massively High already then would skyrocket followed by a massive drop of thyroxin levels. when they tried to medicate him it made it all worse and more unpredictable.
When his thyroxin levels skyrocketed then it would kick in his fight or flight response (flight for him) and gave him massive anxiety (his whole body was in overdrive) along with depression. It was during these times that he almost committed suicide and at the same time was in real danger of a thyroid storm.
When his levels then dropped to practically nothing then he would suffer really badly with depression.
His thyroid problems were really OTT and so he had alot of physical symptoms (he constantly vibrated visibly in his whole body) that shows outwardly. I think that's the reason why they could quickly diagnose it for what it is. For someone that has the same problem as him, but not as extreme, I can see how it could mimic bipolar and I have heard of a lady before that was diagnosed as bipolar when in fact she had problems with her thyroid.
Luckily it seems to be common practice with doctor here in the UK now days to do a blood test before deciding upon a persons symptoms being due to a mental health issue.
Xxx
JaneBurgess
06-29-2018, 04:43 PM
Anonymous girl I hope this diet works out for you and you manage to get it under control. I can understand you not wanting to sacrifice any or of your bits! Since my other half had his thyroid out it has had quite an effect in his immune system, he now catches ever thing and suffers for it. It's also brought out other old injuries and stuff which I think comes down to the toll it all has on his body. It's nothing too major though.
Jane, thyroid problems can look alot like bipolar sometimes depending upon what the thyroid issue is. My other half had a really overactive thyroid that was massively High already then would skyrocket followed by a massive drop of thyroxin levels. when they tried to medicate him it made it all worse and more unpredictable.
When his thyroxin levels skyrocketed then it would kick in his fight or flight response (flight for him) and gave him massive anxiety (his whole body was in overdrive) along with depression. It was during these times that he almost committed suicide and at the same time was in real danger of a thyroid storm.
When his levels then dropped to practically nothing then he would suffer really badly with depression.
His thyroid problems were really OTT and so he had alot of physical symptoms (he constantly vibrated visibly in his whole body) that shows outwardly. I think that's the reason why they could quickly diagnose it for what it is. For someone that has the same problem as him, but not as extreme, I can see how it could mimic bipolar and I have heard of a lady before that was diagnosed as bipolar when in fact she had problems with her thyroid.
Luckily it seems to be common practice with doctor here in the UK now days to do a blood test before deciding upon a persons symptoms being due to a mental health issue.
Xxx
Im really sorry about your boyfriend/husband, that sounds terrible. I have an under-active thyroid but I get the anxiety part pretty well. I haven't suffered from depression from it though and hope it continues to stay that way. I'm on meds for it and so far they are working pretty well along with a massive diet change. I had to go gluten and dairy free and that really seemed to help a lot with feeling better. I know here they do a blood text to check your Serotonin levels if they think you have a mental illness. Usually for a thyroid diagnosis here you have to see a specialist and run a few tests to get properly diagnosed. A basic blood test for me came out normal for years and still does.
patternrecognition
06-30-2018, 08:03 AM
miss trust, i fuckin feel you. i am literally just emerging from 6 or so months of see sawing and depersonalization. what i can say from the other end of the tunnel is this:
keep doing therapy even when it's a pain
talk to your therapist about a psychiatrist or ask them about medications. not to make a med commitment, just go over the options. i think the most important thing is probably to remember when u can that you still HAVE options even though it feels like you're a runaway train.
i also went thru a period where i was very fixated on my specific diagnosis. i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a teenager, but i haven't been "properly" evaluated since- i think there's some kind of battery of questions and stuff, i don't even know. i felt my symptoms were outside of the scope of my diagnosis. i looked at both bipolars, borderline, PMDD, all of those. i was also totally unmoored, and desperate for an identity anchor even if it was a dysfunction. but my therapist did something kind of amazing by gently suggesting that my specific diagnosis wasn't the most important thing here. A, the treatments aren't actually all that different necessarily. there lots of kinds of pills but they all get prescribed for a variety of things. so the pills may be the same anyway. B, the non pill side, these all fall under the umbrella of "problem women" dysfunctions. bipolar is bad enough, you do NOT want "borderline" written down in ur paperwork ANYWHERE even if you identify with it (i do) because your doctors will straight up stop listening to anything you say. borderline is euphemism for "this bitch is crazy and a liar" no exaggeration. it's the contemporary "hysterical," under-defined mysterious lady problems cause what is that crazy bitches problem anyway, right? she's having the vapors, she's being dramatic, she wants attention (the fuck is wrong with needing attention? we all need attention).
anyway what i ended up with (for myself) is that to some extent, diagnoses are for more physical ailments. there's some exceptions, esp if you feel you have had psychotic episodes, which can have organic causes. what i was grasping wildly at were identities and support- if i know the name of what ive got i can do something. not necessarily so. again, for these things they'll prescribe the same rotation of 5 or 10 chemicals and sign u up for DBT at best and involuntarily commit u at worst and either way will question and doubt u every step, the stigma is fuckin real.
that doesn't mean you can't claim these diagnosis for your own self and identity. reading about borderline i was stunned at how accurate some of it was, down to exact phrases i used to describe my feelings popping up in other ppls mouths. never underestimate the benefit of feeling recognized. it took a LOT of pressure off.
anyway i guess my conclusion though changeable is basically this: everything you said in ur post is valid and real and nothing can take that away from u. keep talking about all of this to ur therapist. ask about psychiatry. meds are not right for everyone, and even when they kinda work it's a rocky road. but you're already in constant flux anyway. you could think of it as i don't want to add another variable or you can think of it as well i might as well add another variable. both are totally valid. and just like, keep taking it a day at a time. do what u can when u can, and if possible don't kick urself when u cant. Google "spoon theory." i know (good god do i ever know) its a constant battle but we're all out here fighting it too, youre good, we got u xoxoxoxoxo
patternrecognition
06-30-2018, 11:56 PM
*she said sagely with a glow in her eyes, shortly before panicking and cancelling a therapy appointment*
yeah
SweetLilyRaven
07-13-2018, 11:38 AM
Joining the club. <3
I'm struggling with bipolar disorder type 2. Don't really know what more to write about it, I'm just glad there is a thread like this.
I just got diagnosed last month...finally. I've been told I had severe depression for years and years, but that never accounted for the hypomanic episodes I was having, the reckless, self-destructive, and self-sabotaging behaviors I was engaging in between bouts of depression. I'm finally on the right meds and things are slowly starting to even out as I find the correct therapeutic dosage. Glad to have another BP2 person here!
FreakyFranky
07-13-2018, 12:24 PM
Does anyone here struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder? I have that and BiPolar 2 as well as what I believe is becoming Panic Disorder... since I can't seem to stop having panic attacks at my vanilla jobs and Ive lost the last three I had, I've turned back to camming which is helpful for my anxiety... But not the money way. Now I need to make at least like $800 in the next two weeks and I'm terrified I WONT make it and that increases my anxiety and damn, its a vicious cycle...
JaneBurgess
07-13-2018, 04:21 PM
Does anyone here struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder? I have that and BiPolar 2 as well as what I believe is becoming Panic Disorder... since I can't seem to stop having panic attacks at my vanilla jobs and Ive lost the last three I had, I've turned back to camming which is helpful for my anxiety... But not the money way. Now I need to make at least like $800 in the next two weeks and I'm terrified I WONT make it and that increases my anxiety and damn, its a vicious cycle...
I have a panic attack disorder. Have you talked to your doctor about it? If its bad enough that you cant work a vanilla job, perhaps something like Ativan or a similar medication would help you.
Serena113
07-20-2018, 04:53 PM
Depression is such a bitch. As if I needed any help being unproductive! I've been depressed most of my life, but am going through some difficult times in my personal life right now and it just saps my strength. All I've done today is post a few tweets and a couple chat sessions on Niteflirt, and I'm absolutely drained. No housework. No errands. Bills need to be paid and I've got the money, but I haven't done that either. I've got some content planned and need to start making clips, but that went undone too. I don't know where I'm going to find the energy to log on and stream tonight. All I want to do is light a joint and snuggle my dogs. I feel so alone, and it's going to get worse before it can get better.
Pull yourself together, Serena... being depressed AND broke isn't going to help.
LunaJayde
07-20-2018, 07:54 PM
I've been in therapy of one kind or another for 13 years, and have taken some form of medication for about as long. I also went to school for psychology, but haven't been able to pursue much of anything past that because of mental and physical health stuff. My current version of diagnosis alphabet soup includes AD/HD? (still working on this one), PTSD, OCD, and narcolepsy, but it tends to evolve as I do, especially as I get more tools in my coping toolbox like the language to talk about what's going on in my head. I believe in Shrek's ogre theory-- that we, like onions, have layers, and sometimes you need to get through mis-diagnosis to gain the skills to peel back the layers. CBT really wasn't the greatest for me, but having that information in and of itself was a step closer to figuring out what would work for me/what's going on for me. It took me years to work through my anxiety enough to figure out that I was anxious about not controlling my impulses enough to be socially acceptable, and oh, hey, now I'm seeing how well I fit the mixed type of AD/HD. It absolutely took some self-advocacy, and asking questions like "Hey, is it possible I have ______? Here's what I read and here's what resonates with me...", but it's been worth it. Now if we can just get rid of the stigma, and figure out what's actually behind a Borderline Personality Diagnosis and fix it in the DSM, but I digress ;)
I strippped for a few months before having an intense PTSD episode while camping, quitting everything, and moving. After a while of learning how to human for what feels like the first time, I'm ready to get back into working. I've got my room for camming all set up, and my account ready, aaaaand I can't seem to just.fucking.do.it. I am the type to research and research and research, and never end up doing, because now I've read a ton of the warnings about this site vs. that site and rankings and cam scores and a whole bunch of different perspectives, and I get lost in it all. I was all ready and then read that the site i had signed up for wasn't the best place for beginners and I've now psyched myself out to the point of intense avoidant anxiety. I feel like I can't prepare enough, which is sort of true but instead of that motivating me to just start, it's frozen me. Can anyone relate? How much did you prep for your first cam show?
FreakyFranky
07-23-2018, 06:23 AM
I've been in therapy of one kind or another for 13 years, and have taken some form of medication for about as long. I also went to school for psychology, but haven't been able to pursue much of anything past that because of mental and physical health stuff. My current version of diagnosis alphabet soup includes AD/HD? (still working on this one), PTSD, OCD, and narcolepsy, but it tends to evolve as I do, especially as I get more tools in my coping toolbox like the language to talk about what's going on in my head. I believe in Shrek's ogre theory-- that we, like onions, have layers, and sometimes you need to get through mis-diagnosis to gain the skills to peel back the layers. CBT really wasn't the greatest for me, but having that information in and of itself was a step closer to figuring out what would work for me/what's going on for me. It took me years to work through my anxiety enough to figure out that I was anxious about not controlling my impulses enough to be socially acceptable, and oh, hey, now I'm seeing how well I fit the mixed type of AD/HD. It absolutely took some self-advocacy, and asking questions like "Hey, is it possible I have ______? Here's what I read and here's what resonates with me...", but it's been worth it. Now if we can just get rid of the stigma, and figure out what's actually behind a Borderline Personality Diagnosis and fix it in the DSM, but I digress ;)
I strippped for a few months before having an intense PTSD episode while camping, quitting everything, and moving. After a while of learning how to human for what feels like the first time, I'm ready to get back into working. I've got my room for camming all set up, and my account ready, aaaaand I can't seem to just.fucking.do.it. I am the type to research and research and research, and never end up doing, because now I've read a ton of the warnings about this site vs. that site and rankings and cam scores and a whole bunch of different perspectives, and I get lost in it all. I was all ready and then read that the site i had signed up for wasn't the best place for beginners and I've now psyched myself out to the point of intense avoidant anxiety. I feel like I can't prepare enough, which is sort of true but instead of that motivating me to just start, it's frozen me. Can anyone relate? How much did you prep for your first cam show?
I am much the same -- Like right now, I'm reading stripperweb instead of putting on my makeup to get on cam -- Even though I've been camming for several years on and off, I still struggle to actually log on every single day. I love the way you described the layers, etc, that's interesting. I hope you get online today. I hope I do, too. Every day it's a battle but some days are so worth it. <3
rosefizz
07-25-2018, 04:35 PM
have any of you gotten disability while camming too? i am only able to cam very little tbh. i'm just not sure how to log my hours. do i log just the hours i stream? i'm going to be working with my caseworker so i'll ask her, but i figured i'd ask here first.
anyway i need to vent:
i've tried so hard to put in hours but my chronic pain and mental illnesses really make it difficult so i'm just @ the point where i've been talking to my therapist about applying for disability. i can't stand being so broke anymore. any time i try to work harder i work myself into a flare or depressive episode or something. it's bad.
Bananabunny
07-25-2018, 05:29 PM
Does anyone here struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder? I have that and BiPolar 2 as well as what I believe is becoming Panic Disorder... since I can't seem to stop having panic attacks at my vanilla jobs and Ive lost the last three I had, I've turned back to camming which is helpful for my anxiety... But not the money way. Now I need to make at least like $800 in the next two weeks and I'm terrified I WONT make it and that increases my anxiety and damn, its a vicious cycle...
I feel you with that, I just lost one website due to the fact that this Sesta/Fosta thing exists and Streamate would only do checks which is VERY expensive in my country and out of 4 banks only one accepted one check of mine, I had to pay 150$ to have it on my bank account!! Such a theft. Now I'm looking to go back on Myfreecams but I had BAD experience over there, like hardcore bad. Last year I ended up siting for 1$ a day on MFC and I was told by arrogant members that "this is a site to have fun and talk to people for free, not to make money" LOL
I'm sick of looking for cam websites to share my % to so I will stick to Chaturbate for now and maybe retry MFC. But I HATE token websites and I was SO comfortable on Streamate!! Now I'm back at making 1k$ a month which is WAY too less for my parents and my language lessons. I might need to stop visiting them which would be a shame cuz that's the only thing keeping me alive right now.
I'm a person full of anxiety so phone sex services is out of question. I also live at home so talking aloud for hours is not possible for me.
Idk what to do anymore myself. I'm basically back at where I was before camming, broke and having my severe depression crawling back on top of me, dominating my soul.
SweetLilyRaven
07-26-2018, 06:17 PM
I am much the same -- Like right now, I'm reading stripperweb instead of putting on my makeup to get on cam -- Even though I've been camming for several years on and off, I still struggle to actually log on every single day. I love the way you described the layers, etc, that's interesting. I hope you get online today. I hope I do, too. Every day it's a battle but some days are so worth it. <3
I've been camming for nearly five years, on and off. I'm the exact same way. I know there's money out there and I can make the money I need to survive...but it's absolutely a struggle to get past my anxiety, fear, and random other shit in my head that makes me struggle in the first place. The other day, I had an empty house and nothing on my schedule. I got completely ready, make up and everything...and then sat in front of my computer screen for nearly five hours, alternating between psyching myself up for camming and then chickening out. I've never had a bad camming experience with a custie and I rationally know that I shouldn't be worried or afraid of it...but I get way into my head sometimes. I also just realized that I'm doing exactly this behavior right now - I'm ready to cam...but I can't bring myself to push the "go live" button.
SweetLilyRaven
07-26-2018, 06:26 PM
have any of you gotten disability while camming too? i am only able to cam very little tbh. i'm just not sure how to log my hours. do i log just the hours i stream? i'm going to be working with my caseworker so i'll ask her, but i figured i'd ask here first.
anyway i need to vent:
i've tried so hard to put in hours but my chronic pain and mental illnesses really make it difficult so i'm just @ the point where i've been talking to my therapist about applying for disability. i can't stand being so broke anymore. any time i try to work harder i work myself into a flare or depressive episode or something. it's bad.
I'm right there with you. I finally just got approved yesterday for disability because of my physical issues - two bad knees that need to be replaced, fibromyalgia, and a litany of other smaller issues. Mentally, I should have been approved as well, but either way, I'll take it. Every time I push my body to work harder, I end up sick with whatever bug is going around or a fibro flare up, or my BP2 goes into a depressive cycle. Then the guilt of not working hard enough and the anxiety and panic start to kick in, which only makes me feel both mentally and physically worse. It's a nasty circle...until the hypomania kicks in and I start planning and scheduling and make all these promises to myself to get back up and work harder to try to gain some ground on my bills, my housework, my life. It's just so draining that there are days when I can barely get out of bed to tend to my kids, and then there are days where I can't sleep for three nights straight and I'm making muffins and cookies at 3:30am. Now that I've been approved, I feel like I can take a deep breath and hit the reset button. I've been holding my breath since my (now ex) husband moved out and we got divorced three and a half years ago. It's a good feeling tonight to know that there's a small light at the end of the tunnel - and that it isn't the oncoming train for once!
My advice: apply for it. Keep applying f you're denied. I will keep my fingers crossed for you!
caramelcraze
07-26-2018, 08:35 PM
I've been camming for nearly five years, on and off. I'm the exact same way. I know there's money out there and I can make the money I need to survive...but it's absolutely a struggle to get past my anxiety, fear, and random other shit in my head that makes me struggle in the first place. The other day, I had an empty house and nothing on my schedule. I got completely ready, make up and everything...and then sat in front of my computer screen for nearly five hours, alternating between psyching myself up for camming and then chickening out. I've never had a bad camming experience with a custie and I rationally know that I shouldn't be worried or afraid of it...but I get way into my head sometimes. I also just realized that I'm doing exactly this behavior right now - I'm ready to cam...but I can't bring myself to push the "go live" button.
Being put on anxiety medication changed my life as far as fear of camming. I still have minor fear (like did I forget to send a customer something I promised them), but I'm not hyperventilating and chickening out anymore.
SweetLilyRaven
07-26-2018, 08:56 PM
Being put on anxiety medication changed my life as far as fear of camming. I still have minor fear (like did I forget to send a customer something I promised them), but I'm not hyperventilating and chickening out anymore.
I'm on Xanax, but my doctor decided that the decrease in my panic and anxiety attacks due to my BP2 meds finally working was enough to take away my prescription for them. I don't see this ending well. I may ahve had decreases, but I'm still waking up in the midst of panic attacks - which isn't something my therapy and coping skills can fix.