View Full Version : How Men Label Themselves a Problem
simone87
06-07-2014, 01:05 PM
oldster, please stop telling women how to live their lives.." its now way to live your life" have you ever had a day in the life of a woman?? " i think not".
if we aren't ALWAYS on guard, we "were asking for it",and if we try and be safe we think " all men are evil". its enough to make me wanna pull my fucking hair out. we are telling you that we don't appreciate random creepers coming up to us when are just trying to get from point A to point B. why can't you just respect that?? why can't a lot of men just respect women's boundaries?? that's just a bunch of PC crap right? fucking unbelievable
Aniela
06-07-2014, 01:23 PM
Well Rick, while it is on the hairy edge of what I would consider supportive, I just don't find this 'those evil men' attitude particularly useful and have tried to make it clear that is why I am posting about it. The PC business of telling a person how to act because it affects the feelings of other people is just not something I buy into. No one is excusing bad and aggressive behavior but the OP was not entirely talking about that kind of thing.
As to talking to people, maybe you live in a quieter world than I do, people talk to me all the time and I talk to people all the time.
I don't see anything in this thread that says 'ALL MEN ARE EVIL AAAAAAHHHHHHHH *let fly the pepper spray*'
In a way oldster I can see what you're saying. When up in Baltimore w/ a dancer friend recently she commented on how strangers there seem eager to greet you on the street as you pass each other. That is smtg I generally don't do, I guess bc I am very solitary by nature Idk, but while I personally find it a bit strange I am not looking at that stranger greeting me thru the 'ALL MEN ARE EVIL AAAAAHHHH etc etc' lens. They say hi, I may look at them a bit funny & may or may not say hi back, we go on our separate directions.
That kind of interaction ^^^^ is NOT what the OP is on abt, it's on abt a person trying to initiate an interaction, getting shut down & continuing to push that interaction bc they don't want to see that the person they are talking to does not want to talk to them. A person does this, & if they continue to push, my thought is, 'Exactly how aggressive is this person going to get? Should I be buckling down & ready to swing bc they won't take no for an answer?' I am not looking for a reason to swing, I just wanna be left the fk alone. This is my thought, based on experience, bc I have had guys get aggressive, follow me, try to put their hands on me. Women do not have the luxury that you apparently do, to go thru life w/ a 'That'll NVR happen to me!' mentality.
kirakonstantin
06-07-2014, 02:50 PM
Wow. Being respectful of others feelings is now PC bullshit?
Look, Oldster, you're not a woman and have no idea what it's like to live as a woman. Until you have that experience, you're probably not the best person to tell women how they should think or feel.
Optimist
06-07-2014, 06:27 PM
What gets me is the societal expectation that pretty women OWE a man attention, a date, a relationship or sex, simply because the man wants it. It dehumanizes women to a point where we're just a commodity, rather than an actual human being. There's a customer that comes into the club semi regularly who insisted that I hang out with him, engage him in really inane and frankly boring conversation and insisted that I leave work to party with him. When I'd go on stage, he'd hit the tip rail immediately and try to carry out a fucking conversation, getting quite annoyed when I'd pay attention to other tipping customers.
Unfortunately, that's standard procedure for many men, when faced with a pretty girl. Saying no to them or ignoring them just signals for them to try harder or become more demanding, in order to get what they want. They want an interaction and if they don't get it, rather than respecting the woman as a human being who has decided to refuse that interaction, they push harder. This is why my default for everyone I meet is potential threat. Because... whether they know it or not, a lot of men behave in a threatening way. Not accepting a refusal for a simple interaction, like a conversation, tells me that they'll not accept my refusal of anything and that they're not a safe person to be around.
I'm sorry guys, I know this is kind of harsh. But, until we grow into a society where women are universally viewed as autonomous human beings who's choices are respected, rather than objects designed to satisfy men, this is just the way it's going to be.
I LOVE THAT. I've complained about being sexually harassed at a non stripping job and was told by a guy I should feel flattered at the attention. Who the hell is so desperate for attention that any random obnoxious shlub forcing an interaction is a GOOD thing??? That's the male prerogative to ignore and dismiss female reports of concern out of hand. They're raised to be disconnected from emotions then mock women for being "emotional".
Optimist
06-07-2014, 07:23 PM
Oldster, a collection of ladies on an adult entertainer support site are expressing their concerns about strange men approaching them. Given their collective experiences with guys, including the darker side of male nature, I can't say that I blame them. Indeed, IME many women, regardless of what they do, don't really welcome unsolicited conversations with strange men.
Why are you making this a you thing? Why do you feel that you have the right to insert yourself into the lives of complete strangers, even when a fair number have no interest in interacting with you? And I thoroughly disagree with your characterization of randomly gabbing up strangers as "normal" behavior. I don't do it and I don't believe that it is commonplace for others to do so either.
Heck, even as a guy, I have little interest in having unsolicited conversations with people in places like the subway, coffee houses, on the street, etc. All too often, when someone who I do not know approaches me in a public space, it is a wingnut with some agenda.
THIS!^^^^
Optimist
06-07-2014, 07:42 PM
Two points:
I talk to random people all the time, always have, no intention of stopping because someone has an irrational fear of me. Yes, fearing all members of a gender is irrational, and in my opinion,no way to live your life.
Do you think men live without fear, wholly crap, really? A quick search shows men are 3 times more likely to be murder victims than women. Men who are obnoxious and violent towards women are frequently the same to other men. Your likelihood of being a victim of violent crime is more directly related to your zip code than your gender.
I am not saying that the posting is wrong or that men cannot be dangerous. I also recognize that your particular set of vocations makes you particularly aware of the evil side of human nature.
So, sorry, I will not start acting like a potential rapist anytime soon. so sorry for being annoying, one of many reasons I am.....
To begin with, you must accept that I set my own risk tolerance.
Women are communicating all the time. Learn to understand and respect women’s communication to you.
If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem.
The above are direct quotes from the post. You don't have to do anything and no one is interested in making you do anything. You've made your lack of interest clear so now it's time to move on so as not to derail the thread and make it about you. Thanks.
Aurora_Sunset
06-09-2014, 07:36 AM
Oldster, a collection of ladies on an adult entertainer support site are expressing their concerns about strange men approaching them. Given their collective experiences with guys, including the darker side of male nature, I can't say that I blame them. Indeed, IME many women, regardless of what they do, don't really welcome unsolicited conversations with strange men.
Yes, thank you. The thing is guys, if everyone in a group of people is telling you they all feel the same way about a certain subject... there's probably a good reason for it. And that reason isn't just that all women are hysterical and irrational. Why is it so difficult to accept that an entire group of people might be correct about why they all feel the way they feel about something instead of thinking that if you just explain statistics to us one more time, or explain things from your male experience instead, all women everywhere will collectively slap their foreheads and go "oh yes, how silly of me." As though hundreds of thousands of women are all wrong about how we view certain situations about and involving us, and all the men are the ones who actually know the truth and how we should feel...
Aurora_Sunset
06-09-2014, 07:45 AM
Also, I don't appreciate the assumption that if you agree with the article or its logic, that you obviously are a woman who lives her life in irrational fear of strangers every day. The vast majority of strangers I end up talking to on a weekly basis are men, because they are more chatty with strangers and I don't run away in fear every time one speaks to me. To get defensive over this idea that you can't agree with this article and still function perfectly well with men in day to day life is just silly and preposterous.