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invibe
08-10-2014, 07:15 PM
Very true Simone. I just read a study where it says that the increase in autism is because of MEN. We all hear about older eggs but older sperm isn't good either. Granted a lot of it has to do with how healthy a person is but I know far more older women in shape versus men. When I did online the majority of the men my age looked old, like my dad's age. A healthy in shape older person looks fine but not a flabby older person which is what I usually see.

Great point. I started eating really clean, fasting a couple times a week and really cut back on drinking. Unfortunately I don't have anyone at the moment that I think is going to lead to a family but never hurts to clean up your health if you are serious about it and things work out.

Kellydancer
08-10-2014, 08:57 PM
I definitely agree. In fact I probably eat healthier now than I did in my 20's. In my 20's I had poor eating habits and just a mess.

DDuckworth
08-13-2014, 01:19 PM
I'm 25 and perpetually single. I've dated occasionally and had one short lived serious relationship about a year and a half ago, but besides that, all my friends know me and identify me as "always single". I'm picky, I'm busy, I'm solitary, and dancing has only made it more difficult to meet someone.

That being said -- I feel like I get a lot of flack from my girlfriends (and particularly my older sister) who've been in serious relationships since they were super young (18-21). I just got into a huge argument with my sister after I told her about a bad date that I went on -- it wasn't a big deal, I asked this guy out from the gym (after weeks of hesitation), there was no chemistry, and that was that. She then went on to tell me "See -- you asked HIM out, that's what you do wrong." and then goes on a laundry list of things that I'm doing wrong. My other wifed-up girlfriends do the same shit. Like -- because they're happily married or in long term relationships -- they obviously know the best way to meet a man and are the best qualified to dole out dating advice.

HELLO. YOU MET YOUR DUDE IN HIGH SCHOOL.

It's a completely different ball game trying to meet guys in the grown-up world.. the initial meeting is such a huge part of the equation and they just don't understand. I have a full schedule, and the only places I'm even likely to meet a single dude is ... the gym (eh.), the bar (no.), or the club (NO.)

I had a girlfriend, my age, who's been with her dude for 8 years. She told me a few weeks ago "I mean... you meet all these loser guys. If you just stop giving these losers a chance, then you'll find a nice guy."

OOOH ALL I HAVE TO DO IS STOP MEETING LOSERS. OH MY GOD. THAT IS BRILLIANT.

If only every guy had a fucking sign around his neck that said "PATHETIC LOSER", then yeah, it would be a lot easier to avoid them. But they don't... and the only way for me to find out for sure... is to give them a chance... and the fact that I even give them a chance -- is met by ridicule from these women. There's no winning. And the weird thing is -- I don't even give a shit about dating!!!! I'm happily single, but on the rare occasion that I even mention I went on a date, it'll turn into a huge evaluation of my choices and why I'm not "settled" by now. I'm so sick of it. I don't even want to think about the shit my sister would give me if she found out I don't ever want children....

I am SO glad someone else can say they are happily single! I was single for a very long time and all of my co-workers were constantly up my ass about finding a girl. What is the big deal ya know? Why does it seem like finding a partner in life is the only thing that matters most to people in society? It's almost as if you don't have anything else better to do with your life than to be with another human whom nobody will remember 100 years from now. What a waste of a lifetime if that's all you ever aspire to do or be.

I say keep single, keep happy, and in not searching for someone you may possibly come across someone worth your time. Finally, if you DO want to find someone, then just keep an open mind about where you can meet people - the grocery store (don't be afraid to smile or talk to someone you find attractive), or really any store that you are in. There are plenty of single guys out there looking for a girl that they don't have to meet in the club or bar - perhaps online dating if you really want. But like I said, if you are happy single, just fuck everyone else and be happy - you don't need someone to make you who you are.

spartaca
08-13-2014, 04:28 PM
if you are happy single, just fuck everyone else and be happy - you don't need someone to make you who you are.
You know what, i think that there is a very strong lean towards single life in society these days, which is why more and more people are living alone and more and more people are finding it difficult to find a relationship. If you are happy being single then good - all power to you, but all i've ever wanted is to get married. I haven't had a very stable upbringing, no real family life and so all i ever wanted to do was create that for myself but unfortunately it just hasn't happened and it makes me very sad and disappointed with life. I'm now at an age where most people i know are married and have children and my mother died last year and my father ha dementia so i feel increasingly isolated, unsupported and just damned lonely. Being single doesn't suit everyone. Over a decade ago i even had my doctor tell me "You know what you need, you need to get married, have some stability." - yeah, i know. I wish it had happened.

Kellydancer
08-13-2014, 07:38 PM
You know what, i think that there is a very strong lean towards single life in society these days, which is why more and more people are living alone and more and more people are finding it difficult to find a relationship. If you are happy being single then good - all power to you, but all i've ever wanted is to get married. I haven't had a very stable upbringing, no real family life and so all i ever wanted to do was create that for myself but unfortunately it just hasn't happened and it makes me very sad and disappointed with life. I'm now at an age where most people i know are married and have children and my mother died last year and my father ha dementia so i feel increasingly isolated, unsupported and just damned lonely. Being single doesn't suit everyone. Over a decade ago i even had my doctor tell me "You know what you need, you need to get married, have some stability." - yeah, i know. I wish it had happened.

Yeah I know that feeling. Then you see what is left with men and it makes even more sadness. When I did online I felt like it was the rejected losers were all that were left or the idiots.

DDuckworth
08-15-2014, 03:11 AM
You know what, i think that there is a very strong lean towards single life in society these days, which is why more and more people are living alone and more and more people are finding it difficult to find a relationship. If you are happy being single then good - all power to you, but all i've ever wanted is to get married. I haven't had a very stable upbringing, no real family life and so all i ever wanted to do was create that for myself but unfortunately it just hasn't happened and it makes me very sad and disappointed with life. I'm now at an age where most people i know are married and have children and my mother died last year and my father ha dementia so i feel increasingly isolated, unsupported and just damned lonely. Being single doesn't suit everyone. Over a decade ago i even had my doctor tell me "You know what you need, you need to get married, have some stability." - yeah, i know. I wish it had happened.

Given what you quoted from my statements (which are out of context), it would seem you are implying that it's society's fault you never got married? Pushing for marriage itself is not a very good goal for your mental health. You can push for a good stable relationship, which may or may not end in marriage - but in today's world plenty of people stay together for the long term without getting married. I know plenty of stories of guys who have ditched girls on the first date because they brought up marriage or couldn't stop talking about it. You have to be happy single before you can ever make a relationship work - dependance is bad for any relationship.

As for my statements, they were based on what jadey23 said about not even wanting a relationship. I just wanted to re-assure her that it's ok to be single and that there's nothing wrong with it. If you want to get married that's fine and dandy but there's no reason to come along and tell jadey23 she is wrong for wanting to be single.

rickdugan
08-15-2014, 04:05 AM
Given what you quoted from my statements (which are out of context), it would seem you are implying that it's society's fault you never got married? Pushing for marriage itself is not a very good goal for your mental health. You can push for a good stable relationship, which may or may not end in marriage - but in today's world plenty of people stay together for the long term without getting married. I know plenty of stories of guys who have ditched girls on the first date because they brought up marriage or couldn't stop talking about it. You have to be happy single before you can ever make a relationship work - dependance is bad for any relationship.

As for my statements, they were based on what jadey23 said about not even wanting a relationship. I just wanted to re-assure her that it's ok to be single and that there's nothing wrong with it. If you want to get married that's fine and dandy but there's no reason to come along and tell jadey23 she is wrong for wanting to be single.

I'm not sure where all of that came from. I didn't see her go so far as to place all of the "blame" on society for her loneliness, just that a shifting emphasis towards single life makes things more difficult. And I definitely didn't see her dispute jadey's desire to remain single. All she did was express her own desire not to be single and shared some rather personal reasons for her feelings of lonelinesss. You know, the kinda' thing that Life Support is here for.

Some people like the single life and others don't. I have a couple of friends who are confirmed bachelors, one well into his 40s and the other over 50, and they are that way by choice. They make enough money to live good lives, traveling, doing whatever they want with their free time, dating when it suits them, and otherwise just living very free. Good for them, but I could never spend my life like that. I need a sense of purpose beyond my career; something bigger than just myself.

It took me to my mid-30s to find a woman who I believed would be a good wife and mother to my children, after years bad relationships and bed hopping in between, all the while feeling an odd emptiness in my life and just despairing of ever finding the right one. When I finally realized, after a couple of weeks of dating, that this woman was the one, I grabbed on and never looked back. Many years and 3 beautiful children later, I cannot even imagine what my life would be like without my family, nor do I ever want to. But again, what I find fulfilling, some men would find too constrictive and/or more responsibility than they ever wished to shoulder. To each his/her own.

Kellydancer
08-15-2014, 02:06 PM
I don't see her blaming society or anything like that either. I'm a bit older than her so I know where she is coming from. I would love to be married and it depresses me severely that this may never happen. So much so that at this time I can't even attend weddings because I end up in severe crying depressions. I tried online dating several times and the choices were very dismal. The men I desired had no interest in me and the men who liked me left a lot to be desired. I'm talking men without the morals I desire like previously married with kids and divorced, baby daddies (ugh, why do so many men on dating sites have multiple babies out of wedlock?), guys who sleep around and creepy much older men (not interested in men my dad or grandpa's age).

Do I blame society? partly but it's also my fault. I blame society because it tells people not to rush into marriage and sleep with several people before marriage. In theory not always a bad thing (well the sleeping around really is) but what often happens is the more desirable men end up out of the dating pool. However I'm also to blame for picking the wrong men: men who had no interest in anything serious, men who were emotionally unavailable, etc. I also blame myself because I waited until I was in a career and finished with college and graduate school to look for someone. This is the problem many women make and what is happening is the online sites are full of older educated women and uneducated older men, some who have been married, others who are undesirable by many women (obese, mentally ill, etc).

Rick, your friends that are confirmed bachelors, do you think they would change for the right woman? I've known a few of the men like that who did change. Not that I would stick around if they did though. It's just as one gets older it becomes less of an issue. The problem I run into often is the men in my dating pool either have kids (a deal breaker), men with no interest in marriage (they might change, might not), men with issues who may or may not want marriage, men who are workaholics (who may or may not want marriage)and other types of men. I do have a friend I am interested in but he has several issues (he drinks too much but is in therapy to deal with this and is a mama's boy)that might make having a relationship impossible. If not him I do worry. I try not to think about the negative about him, but rather the possibility.

anonymous camgirl
08-23-2014, 02:50 PM
I feel your pain, i am turning 42 in a few months and i have not had a serious relationship since i was 28... and never been married.. been a single mom the whole time and I have BEEN on at least 450 dates.. NOTHING>.. i am at the same point you are.. I GIVE UP!..actually i gave up at 38./.. I would rather focus my energies on me and my kids instead of worthless men i am trying to size up for marriage.


You think it's rough at that age, try 43. Most of the decent single men are gone and what are left generally are either the bottom of the barrel scum (criminals, baby daddies with multiple baby mamas, perverts), and various other men with a variety of drama (guys that never want marriage, divorced dads and guys with mental illnesses). The people giving me "advice" either don't get it or never had to deal. I've been told because of my age I should settle for anyone and that I refuse to do. I also get the "you're so pretty, you're single because you are picky".

It is harder meeting guys as you get older. I tried online and failed. I tried singles groups and mostly found guys with issues. I did meet someone I really like who fits what I want but right now is dealing with a variety of issues where dating wouldn't be a good thing. I've gotten to the point where I don't care anymore and yes would be happier with 1000 cats than with a loser.

Kellydancer
08-23-2014, 04:35 PM
Yeah it is really frustrating to say the least. I know most of the decent men aren't in the dating pool because they are married or gay so it makes the pool shallow. I shouldn't have wasted my time when I was younger but at the time I never gave it thought.

anonymous camgirl
08-23-2014, 05:09 PM
YUCK! I think he is just trying to boost his own insecurities but not getting any... NOW I get it!... He can't get a woman so let's bash them and tell the world how he can get any woman..lol.. No thanks!.. would rather be single!


For whatever reason, I listened to that whole youtube Tom Leykis thing, and he claimed that he was 48 and fucking a lot of 19 year olds and never spending any money on them. I just don't believe it. That doesn't make any sense. And it makes him sound like a predator if it even is true. He kept saying "everyone I grew up with BEGS me to go to my high school reunions, but I don't want to see those women! I'm banging girls younger than their daughters!" That's just a really creepy thing to say, and probably a delusional one. He has some weird complexes.

LOL he also kept saying he was so hot, and then I google him and THIS is him:
http://www.santamariasun.com/images/cms/full/arts0.2ndry.internet%20radio.1.27.1.jpg
LOL sorry but I can't take advice from someone like that saying the things he said. He appears to be some sort of overweight Howard Stern type?

anonymous camgirl
08-23-2014, 05:41 PM
Some of what he says is the truth though, but the reason guys always go after younger women is purely biological. They go for women in their child bearing years. I feel the same way, when I reached 30 i decided I didn't want to have anymore children and i felt that I was done for with men.. I am still single mind you but now I am approaching the lovely menopause years and I am thinking why do i want a man for?? Biologically, I am done procreating. So now I don't care. It would be nice to share my life with someone but I need him a LONG time ago and he never came.. I raised the 2 kids all by myself 14 yrs and counting. So what he is saying is true? but it doesn't go for ALL men and women. There are way to many variables. I am thinking about a woman right now who just turned 40 and she is dating men who are HER AGE or a lil bit older.. she had 2 boyfriends since then. She is not in this business she is a beachbody coach.. very successful and the men she dates are equally very successful. So now why are these older men dating a 40 yr old woman with 2 kids then? hmmmm??... like I said to many variables.

Kellydancer
08-23-2014, 08:48 PM
If Tom Leykis gets 19 year olds it's because he makes good money and has a glamorous job. Let's not kid ourselves and think if he was an average guy he would be getting the same kinds of women. He's ugly and fat and not many women want a loser like him.

Honestly I am tired of this whole idea that men can get younger women because it's pure bull shit. The reason some older men can get older is because they are rich, powerful or handsome or all three. An average man see a man like Hugh Hefner or George Clooney dating younger and thinks "hey I can too". Um, no you can't. When I did online dating all these losers would be on for years complaining yet they only went for younger women who didn't want them. The younger women complained and rejected them so what happened was the older men and women remained single, the older women rejected by the men their age and the old men rejected by younger women.

Many claim it's because of babies but I call bullshit on that one. When a 45 year old man decides he wants to have a baby so he attempts to date younger it tells me he isn't that desperate to have kids otherwise he would have. The people I know desperate to have kids usually did young (and often with the wrong person). Instead what he is doing is judging a woman on something he has no way of knowing. He doesn't know if the younger women can have babies or that the woman his age can't. He also doesn't realize his sperm is aging too and yes aged sperm causes a lot, like autism and they are doing studies on this where some researchers actually think aging sperm is more defective than aging eggs. The reason this has never been studied as often is because most researchers have always been men.

anonymous camgirl that has to be rough raising the kids on your own One thing I have seen from many women are that many had babies with men who didn't stick around or they only did until someone else came around. They accepted less, which is sad. The sick thing is many of these men then go after me and I'm sick of it. I don't want a baby daddy. I won't even accept a divorced dad. I am harsher towards single dads than single moms because most single moms are raising the kids, whereas single dads usually not. Divorced dads are usually more involved but I don't want them either. It really pisses me off that many people think because I am single and older I should date these guys while the guys I really want go after younger women. I'd rather be single the rest of my life.

anonymous camgirl
08-24-2014, 05:32 AM
^^ yea it gets tougher every year!.. I thought it was going to get easier.. It was much easier for me when they were in elementary school...lol.. Now one is in college full time and the other is a senior in high school they are EXPENSIVE!.... Yea my first relationship I left when my son was 3 because I finally realized what a loser he was. Then my old high school boyfriend came around and we were together for 6 yrs and had a child then he left me when that child was 3..LOL.. I have a weird life.. both relationships ended when the kid was 3.. then I never had a serious relationship again, I joke it's because I don't want kids anymore so they don't stick around...lol... I went on over 450 dates. Most internet dates so I KNOW what you are saying.. sometimes I go on there to see what is up and it's the SAME guys on there for YEARS!,... I swear it's worse than cam sites.. they mostly use it to get laid if you ask me.. A lot of those guys are not really interested in looking for a relationship unfortunately.. Internet dating actually led me to be a camgirl.. I spent 3 yrs dating as a very naïve gullible woman who didn't really know men who were always trying to RAPE me for a lack of a better word.. And I thought to myself this is ridiculous! if that's all they want I'll just make them pay for my pussy then...lol

Kellydancer
08-24-2014, 11:07 AM
I've noticed that men on dating sites tend to be very picky and delusional about everything. Men will reject mothers, even when they are dads themselves, they reject women their age. etc. It's why I hated online dating. Then there is the dreaded chemistry. When two people click the chemistry is amazing and so nice but when there is no connection it means spending time with someone you don't like. This was usually the experience I had with online, most guys had no connection with me. It's why I resorted to fast meetings, I knew most would go nowhere.

spartaca
08-26-2014, 03:40 PM
So, i joined OK Cupid. And it only went and matched me up with the guy i've been crazy about for 6 years who refuses to date me. My mind is thoroughly blown.

As i didn't use a photograph he didn't realize it was me and was excitedly messaging me. I messaged him back dropping huge hints about it being me but he just didn't realize until i told him "I can't do this - it's me!" It blew my mind to think he would pick me out online and show interest yet in real life, in spite of the fact that we have insane amounts of chemistry, he refuses to consider me as a partner. He admitted that it blew his mind too and said if we had met online like that he would definitely be interested but because we had already been involved in real life and because he knows i am crazy about him he doesn't feel the thrill of the hunt and that is why he won't date me. I mean, what the hell kind of bullshit is that????! Is he saying he needs some sort of drama in order to feel he has 'won' a girl and that is more important than the obvious compatibility we have? Ladies, i am doubting i am ever going to find a partner.

simone87
08-26-2014, 03:48 PM
^ he sounds truly pathetic. "thrill of the hunt"?? you aren't a wild stag. the "hunt" stage ends rather quickly as well, i would think you'd want a solid foundation with somebody once that is over

Kellydancer
08-26-2014, 09:38 PM
Spartaca why won't he date you? very odd. I don't get these guys.

Okay a freaky thing just happened. I went to Facebook and had several friend requests. Long story short these are all guys I chatted with on dating sites. Apparently they either put in my photo on Google which came up with my name or they put in my name and town and got me. I am freaked out. I'm going to tell them I just became exclusive with someone. A lie but if they are this freaky they will be worse.

Aniela
08-26-2014, 09:43 PM
Spartaca why won't he date you? very odd. I don't get these guys.

Okay a freaky thing just happened. I went to Facebook and had several friend requests. Long story short these are all guys I chatted with on dating sites. Apparently they either put in my photo on Google which came up with my name or they put in my name and town and got me. I am freaked out. I'm going to tell them I just became exclusive with someone. A lie but if they are this freaky they will be worse.

Why even dignify them w/ a response? I don't have FB but isn't there a blocking feature so you don't have to see their crap?

Kellydancer
08-26-2014, 10:04 PM
I didn't accept the friend requests but it was so freaky to me. I've now deleted my photo on all the sites.

spartaca
08-27-2014, 02:49 PM
Kellydancer - he says he won't date me because there is no chase. He knows i am crazy about him - he doesn't have to win me over. We've been friends for about 6 years and i know he was very hung up on an ex from about 8 years ago who treated him really badly, one of those high drama demanding type of girls, and she still has a grip on him even though she now lives in a different country and has a new relationship, she will call him when she is in London and needs some attention/ an errand running. So i think he has been conditioned into thinking that unless there is some sort of constant state of drama, of him having to prove himself somehow, that the relationship isn't worth pursuing. We get on ridiculously well, we share the same sense of humour, interests, we have incredible chemistry, but he refuses to date me - lord knows what he is holding out for but the excited messages he sent me on the dating website would suggest he wants someone exactly like me who he hasn't already slept with.

Regarding your situation - defo block those people and delete your pics. That is the reason i refuse to put pics on a dating website, it's too easy to do a reverse image search and find someone. Plus, i figure i'm hot - and it's up to me to choose the guy not the other way round.

Kellydancer
08-27-2014, 08:12 PM
That is strange about not wanting you because of the chase. He sounds immature to be honest. I have a guy I am crazy about but he's not making a move. Not sure if it's because he's shy, not interested or not interested now because he's trying to figure out his life (drinking problems).

spartaca
08-28-2014, 06:51 AM
That is strange about not wanting you because of the chase. He sounds immature to be honest. I have a guy I am crazy about but he's not making a move. Not sure if it's because he's shy, not interested or not interested now because he's trying to figure out his life (drinking problems).
Yeah, an ex girlfriend of his (they were together for about 9 months after he split from the awful puppet mistress girl) is a friend of mine and we've discussed that he is emotionally quite childish. HE can't remove the unnecessary drama of his ex from his life and he wants to form a new relationship based on some idealized notion of how he will meet a girl rather than accept life for what it is presenting to him and work towards a positive future.

"Trying to figure his life out" through drinking never worked for anyone. It sounds like your guy needs to recognize that in order to be in any way ready for a relationship.

slowpoke
08-28-2014, 07:05 AM
Take up trap or skeet? Meet a guy who can afford $20K for a shotgun, he will probably be pretty stable.

Vyanka
08-28-2014, 08:11 AM
It's better to be single than being tied down to a piece of shit S.O., for whatever reason.

I'd LOVE to be married to someone who would love to spend the rest of his life next to me. A good healthy marriage like a lot of my family members have. Not bc I'm a "good candidate". Wtf...sounds like a job application. Lol. My exbf saw me like this, hence why he's an ex (plus he cheated, not surprising). Anyway, you live and learn.

I'm over the dating scene too. Ugh. BUT I refuse to settle. I rather live the rest of my life single with puppies, a Persian cat, and plants. :P

Vyanka
08-28-2014, 08:13 AM
Eww to that delusional disgusting fat fuck. Disgusting on so many levels.

Kellydancer
08-28-2014, 12:04 PM
Yeah, an ex girlfriend of his (they were together for about 9 months after he split from the awful puppet mistress girl) is a friend of mine and we've discussed that he is emotionally quite childish. HE can't remove the unnecessary drama of his ex from his life and he wants to form a new relationship based on some idealized notion of how he will meet a girl rather than accept life for what it is presenting to him and work towards a positive future.

"Trying to figure his life out" through drinking never worked for anyone. It sounds like your guy needs to recognize that in order to be in any way ready for a relationship.

Luckily he is going through AA and figuring out his problems. He was honest and told me until he quits drinking he won't be an appropriate mate. The irony is outside of his drinking he is perfect for me in terms of looks, interests, even families (our families like each other). We are friends and I know I can depend on him so who knows. He knows he has a problem.

Vyanka, I hate when people look at others simply because of being a good candidate. I get wanting someone because of mutual interests, personalities etc. What repulses me are the people who choose someone because of superficial reasons. I had guys on dating sites want to date me simply because of my looks. Not because we both like playing video games or we like the same music or have the same religious views but because he likes my looks. In 90% of these cases the men were not my type (either much too old or had kids)and when I rejected them I got things like "but you're hot". Yeah and when I'm older and perhaps not hot by any means or am elderly or become disabled they'll dump me. I'd rather be alone.

slowpoke
08-28-2014, 12:10 PM
If he gets sober he should not make any significant life changes for a year.

Kellydancer
08-28-2014, 12:39 PM
He's been in AA for a year and during that time I told him I was his friend but nothing more. He is starting to draw closer to me so who knows.

spartaca
08-28-2014, 01:53 PM
Take up trap or skeet? Meet a guy who can afford $20K for a shotgun, he will probably be pretty stable.
Funny you should say that - i went skeet shooting last week for the first time. Turns out i'm not a bad shot. There were definitely no men I'd consider dating there, but i did enjoy it, I'm thinking of joining a club.

spartaca
08-28-2014, 02:03 PM
I get wanting someone because of mutual interests, personalities etc. What repulses me are the people who choose someone because of superficial reasons. I had guys on dating sites want to date me simply because of my looks. Not because we both like playing video games or we like the same music or have the same religious views but because he likes my looks. In 90% of these cases the men were not my type (either much too old or had kids)and when I rejected them I got things like "but you're hot". Yeah and when I'm older and perhaps not hot by any means or am elderly or become disabled they'll dump me. I'd rather be alone.
^This is another reason why i don't have a photo on my dating profile. I know i get a lot of attention because of my looks in real life so online is an opportunity to have someone show interest because of my personality. If we get on through messages then i might end them a picture.

When my guy messaged me it was because he liked my profile and my replies to his messages - we like the same music, fashion, have the same views on a lot of life (we were initially a 90% match - he said he changed some answers after reading mine because he realized he hadn't been entirely honest, that made us a 91% match, then after i revealed he was talking to me, we both answered more questions - trying to get away from each other as a match - and now we are a 93% match) - and i know we have amazing chemistry and he is 100% my physical type. That's why it is so frustrating that he won't date me.

Kellydancer
08-28-2014, 02:41 PM
That is really odd. Who knows, maybe in time he will. But yep when I post my photo online I get hundreds of "you're hot" (usually spelled wrong) from mostly incompatible men. Our interests, religious views, morals etc are all opposite. One winner told me he was getting a divorce because his wife let herself go and she was no longer hot. Why would he think I'd want to date him?

slowpoke
08-30-2014, 08:13 AM
He's been in AA for a year and during that time I told him I was his friend but nothing more. He is starting to draw closer to me so who knows.

But is he sober? Some people go to AA meetings for years before it takes.

slowpoke
08-30-2014, 08:22 AM
Funny you should say that - i went skeet shooting last week for the first time. Turns out i'm not a bad shot. There were definitely no men I'd consider dating there, but i did enjoy it, I'm thinking of joining a club.

Do it!

justanothercamgirl
08-30-2014, 09:14 AM
Thank you ladies for all of your advice :) I am taking in every single piece and loving the different opinions. We did go to dinner and it was nice, he is a nice human being to be around so I'm going to see where it goes. My lack of attraction to him comes from the fact that I don't feel any sense of excitement or anticipation to be around him etc...usually I feel like that with all the other guys etc.

I'm attracted to assholes because for some reason I have an absolute weakness for powerful men with very dominant personalities. That's the problem right there, but any guy less than that I just kinda see as friend material...its messed up.

I will however keep you ladies posted as to how this whole thing works out etc :)

I know I am really late in the game answering this on in this thread but I just wanted to share something I've learned personally from going from being in dysfunctional relationships for years to functional relationships. Now this is just my personal opinion and your millage may very, but something tripped me up for years and kept me in dysfunctional relationships for years longer then I should of been.

If you are used to being on the roller-coaster of dysfunctional relationships......when you get into your first functional relationship it is going to feel as boring as hell. For me, on some level, functional relationships always feel 'stale' on some level. I mean, being 'stable' by its very nature is boring.

But once you acquire a taste for 'boredom' then you will look back at your taste for emotionally unavailable men with nothing more then bittersweet nostalgia. ;)

Kellydancer
08-30-2014, 11:23 AM
But is he sober? Some people go to AA meetings for years before it takes.

Yes he has been. My parents though did something without thinking when I invited him to my dad's birthday. My dad brought out whiskey (his addiction)and he started to drink. However he did stop soon after drinking luckily. I know for him it'll always be an issue but luckily I rarely drink.

slowpoke
08-31-2014, 04:22 PM
Not necessarily so. See the third edition of the Big Book, pages 99-101
http://www.inovadev.com/cafe/BigBook_PDF/BigBook3.pdf


“Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do.
People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we
Page 100
file:///C|/Inetpub/wwwroot/Cafe/BigBook_PDF/3rd/Al...0-%20Chapter%207%20-%20Working%20With%20Others.htm (8 of 10)22/12/2005 9:20:52 AM
Alcoholics Anonymous - Chapter 7 - Working With Others
must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Creenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts
to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't. You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?"

If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion.

Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic
instead!"

Kellydancer
08-31-2014, 07:47 PM
Like I said I take a wait and see approach. He is perfect for me which makes it harder. Dating sites seemed to attract the bottom barrel feeders.