James_Jekyll
08-18-2014, 07:22 PM
First off, my background.
I've been a bouncer at several clubs and a bartender for a number of years. Because of that, I've known many dancers throughout the years and dated several and they are all wonderful women. Sometimes a little crazy, but always fun to spend time with.
Why I love strippers:
Strippers are so much more comfortable in their own skin. They don't play the victim. They know what they want and they are going to get it. They also don't have the hang-ups about sex that non-dancers girls have and they are so much fun to hang out with. Most of them are smart, motivated, well-educated and have well-developed opinions about the world.
In short, if you want to date a strong woman, go after a stripper. If you have a "daddy complex" that you need to be the power and the breadwinner, go find a shy girl.
Why I wrote this:
There are a ton of guys out there that are always trying to get a dancer as some sort of notch in their belt. Others feel they have a true connection with a girl. I give you my personal advice from someone who has had some success on this subject.
Warning:
This is a lot of work for the possibility of no reward. This is a long process and expect it to take several months as well. You have to establish and earn her trust amidst a sea of creeps and scumbags. Do not rush the process. If you're serious, you'll put in the time. If you're not, well then go play with Tindr.
Let's begin. First off:
Strippers are people too.
They have families, they have dreams and goals, they love, they get their heart broken and they like things much the same as other women who are not dancers. If you think that just because they take off their clothes for money; they are somehow less people. I will tell you straight up that you need to readjust your attitude. It's simple economics. They can make more in one night at a club than a month working at a restaurant or some 9-5's which allows them to better their life.
Strippers are hustlers:
A non-dancer has hang-ups about being naked, even around her boyfriend. A stripper on the other hand has hardened herself in ways you cannot imagine. She is quite comfortable being completely naked in front of people she has never seen before or will again. That being said, you're regular game is not going to work so well on her because she's heard it all before.
Strippers deal with creeps almost on an hourly basis:
For every guy that is respectful of the dancers, there are 30 more guys that are just trying to cop a cheap feel. When you first walk into a club, you are automatically labeled as a potential creep until you discern yourself. Advice: act normal. If you wouldn't say it in front of your grandmother, chances are that you shouldn't be saying it to her.
Strippers are there to make money:
This is a job to them. When you see a dancer at a club, do not expect that she's looking for a man to "save her". She's doing quite well on her own. If you want to date a stripper, you have to realize that she's probably dated a string of idiots that made her life miserable and wasted more of her time than he was worth. Advice: Be the fun guy, show up with a smile and a joke. Always be happy to see her, from day one. You will notice that you will stand out a lot more because the average SC customer is a miserable person who's just trying to see some free tit. Being the fun guy will also show that you're a normal person who enjoys the company of attractive women instead of coming off as being Ed Geins nerdy cousin.
Part of being a stripper is having a high confidence in their appearance:
Every stripper worth her weight in glitter believes that she is the hottest woman in the club. And why wouldn't she? She gets told she's beautiful about a thousand times a day. Saying she has a nice ass is pointless because she knows she has a nice ass. She makes her money from having a nice ass and hence your compliments are just another lame regurgitation in a long line of lame regurgitations.
Still they do like compliments, as does everyone. Compliment her on something that's unique about her. I have a large amount of tattoos so sometimes I'll make a comment about the intricacies of her tattoo work and how nice the work is. That doesn't come off as corny because I have detailed, large tattoos myself.
Make her laugh:
As I mentioned before, she's deals with a lot of creeps so it's a godsend when a regular fun guy says something funny. Being a dancer can be very stressful at times and many girls who've been dancing for long begin to develop a lower sense of self-worth from dealing with all the assholes that treat them like sex objects all the time.
Do not get dances from her at first:
I know I'm going to catch a lot of flack from this but because you are interested in her, you need to establish that you enjoy her more in the times that she's acting like a person, (ie: when she's chatting with you), by getting dances right off the bat, she's going to relegate you to "customer world" that you just like seeing her ass clap in your face than getting to know her as a person.
Be respectful and kind but only have eyes for her:
You are in a SC and the girls working have bills to pay. You will win no points by being a cheap ass with the bartender or the other dancers. However, the dancer you are after expects guys to stare at every square inch of free skin they can lay their eyes on. Make eye contact, tip and smile and go back to her. If you are talking to her at the bar and another dancer comes up, maintain eye contact with your interest but casually slide some money to the dancer like a subtle way of "I acknowledge you're working and here's a tip but I'm really interested in this woman I'm talking to."
Be good looking:
Life ain't fair but realize this, "Guys like cute girls and girls like cute guys." We all can't look like Brad Pitt but take care of yourself. Dress well, wear form flattering clothing, comb your hair and stop eating so many doughnuts. She's got her pick of the litter so you better make yourself a contender.
Make friends with everyone:
Becoming friendly with the bartender and some of the non-dancing staff can help you in many ways. Most importantly if you're friends with the staff, the chances are high that you will get invited out into the inner circle, the places where the staff hangs out after work or on off days. The more people that your interest works with that trust you, the easier the process is going to be.
Maintain an air of aloofness:
When you walk into the club, do not sprint immediately over to your interest, it's annoying and it makes you look like a creep. Instead, take a seat and watch the tv. If you are making an impression at all on your interest, she will seek you out. Smile, be happy to see her, make a little situational humor and if she's interested she'll sit down or say something like "I'm going up on stage, but I'll be back in a bit." Smile, say something like "Have fun" and go back to the tv. Advice: Always keep an air of take it or leave it. You're happy when she's there but you are by no means trying to control her.
Pass the shit tests:
One of the reasons I love strippers is because of their egos. They will bust your balls all time with such skill, you really have to stay on your toes. Even if you're not interested in dating a stripper, talking to them can really improve your game with non-dancers.
Dancers have a number of shit tests that they will pull out to see if you're the real deal and you need to be on your game when they do this. Do not EVER think that a dancer is dumber than you or that you've got her in the bag. Most dancers I know are very smart and have an intricate knowledge of how men think, (it's their job to know these things.) On top of that, she wants you to be a piece of shit. She wants you to be like every single other man she's ever met who was just all about the tits and ass and little else. She wants you to be a scumbag who's only gaming her for pussy. She wants any reason to blow you off.
What will she do to shit test you?
If you don't want a dance, she might call you gay. She'll purposely try to dance for other guys while you look at her to gauge your reaction and see if you get jealous. If you do get jealous, she's already won and she can string you along for as long as she wants. She might try hitting on you, then go cold to see if you start following her around like a little puppy dog and annoying her. Advice: Whatever she does, it's not important. If she tries to get a rise out of you, just smile and laugh it off. If she's dancing for someone near you while facing you, just look her in the eye, smile (fun smile, not creepo smile), and go back to watching tv.
Asking for her number:
You cannot ask for her number, she will have to give you hers when she feels the time is right. You have to make her basically throw herself at you over the course of time. You can speed up the process a little by inviting her to some public place, perhaps going to see the new movie you both said you're excited to see or even dumb stuff like playing mini-golf. Something that is so far removed from any romance, any hint of seduction or anything that might make her think you're trying to get her alone to possibly hurt her. (keep in mind that this is always in the back of a dancers head.) Basically you're looking to have normal fun with her. Stay away from a sit-down dinner at first, every weirdo is trying to do that and it's old. You're not looking to be her sugar daddy.
Once you have established outside contact: IE she has met you in a public place in her regular clothes:
Do not go back to the club. She knows your intentions, you have met the real person behind the dancer so that dancer is not her anymore and she is going to need some time to process whether she wants to spend more time with you or not. Again, the "take it or leave it" attitude is highly critical. You cannot text her 23 times a day then show up at her job. She is working and making her money and to show up is just going to put all your hard work on trying to become her boyfriend back into "Well that failed, let's go see her naked."
Do not ever become obsessed:
I'm sure you've all heard about Christy Mack and her royal douche of an ex beating her to a pulp. You must never get jealous of her or become obsessed with her life. Dating a stripper is lot a of work and it is not for the faint hearted. You have to have your shit together because your woman takes off her clothes and dances naked for men. If you can't handle that, then dating them is not for you.
Long term:
So you've successfully been dating your fantasy girl for a while. Now what?
Just because you are dating her, does not mean you own her. Do not tell her to stop dancing, do not harass her and FOR GOD'S SAKES, don't start thinking she's messing around behind your back. If she wants to she's going to and you are not going to stop her. In fact, you're going to push her away the more you try to control her.
I personally have never had a dancer girlfriend cheat on me because I made it a point to always be the fun guy who always made her laugh. If she's got someone in her life that makes her happy, she's going to fight like a caged animal to make sure nothing fucks that up. She'll become your Athena so don't abuse her trust.
Finally:
Don't cheat on a stripper:
Dancers are in very good shape and they are very territorial. My good friend was dating a very beautiful woman from a local club and she happened to find out that he was screwing around behind her back. She promptly picked up a cinder block and hurled it through the back window of his parked truck and the block came out of the windshield. Then she proceeded to stab his tires and physically punch the panels of his truck. She did over $12,000 of damage to his truck and basically totaled it with her bare hands.
Be straight with the dancer and break up with her in person after a long discussion. Don't lie to her.
Good Luck
I've been a bouncer at several clubs and a bartender for a number of years. Because of that, I've known many dancers throughout the years and dated several and they are all wonderful women. Sometimes a little crazy, but always fun to spend time with.
Why I love strippers:
Strippers are so much more comfortable in their own skin. They don't play the victim. They know what they want and they are going to get it. They also don't have the hang-ups about sex that non-dancers girls have and they are so much fun to hang out with. Most of them are smart, motivated, well-educated and have well-developed opinions about the world.
In short, if you want to date a strong woman, go after a stripper. If you have a "daddy complex" that you need to be the power and the breadwinner, go find a shy girl.
Why I wrote this:
There are a ton of guys out there that are always trying to get a dancer as some sort of notch in their belt. Others feel they have a true connection with a girl. I give you my personal advice from someone who has had some success on this subject.
Warning:
This is a lot of work for the possibility of no reward. This is a long process and expect it to take several months as well. You have to establish and earn her trust amidst a sea of creeps and scumbags. Do not rush the process. If you're serious, you'll put in the time. If you're not, well then go play with Tindr.
Let's begin. First off:
Strippers are people too.
They have families, they have dreams and goals, they love, they get their heart broken and they like things much the same as other women who are not dancers. If you think that just because they take off their clothes for money; they are somehow less people. I will tell you straight up that you need to readjust your attitude. It's simple economics. They can make more in one night at a club than a month working at a restaurant or some 9-5's which allows them to better their life.
Strippers are hustlers:
A non-dancer has hang-ups about being naked, even around her boyfriend. A stripper on the other hand has hardened herself in ways you cannot imagine. She is quite comfortable being completely naked in front of people she has never seen before or will again. That being said, you're regular game is not going to work so well on her because she's heard it all before.
Strippers deal with creeps almost on an hourly basis:
For every guy that is respectful of the dancers, there are 30 more guys that are just trying to cop a cheap feel. When you first walk into a club, you are automatically labeled as a potential creep until you discern yourself. Advice: act normal. If you wouldn't say it in front of your grandmother, chances are that you shouldn't be saying it to her.
Strippers are there to make money:
This is a job to them. When you see a dancer at a club, do not expect that she's looking for a man to "save her". She's doing quite well on her own. If you want to date a stripper, you have to realize that she's probably dated a string of idiots that made her life miserable and wasted more of her time than he was worth. Advice: Be the fun guy, show up with a smile and a joke. Always be happy to see her, from day one. You will notice that you will stand out a lot more because the average SC customer is a miserable person who's just trying to see some free tit. Being the fun guy will also show that you're a normal person who enjoys the company of attractive women instead of coming off as being Ed Geins nerdy cousin.
Part of being a stripper is having a high confidence in their appearance:
Every stripper worth her weight in glitter believes that she is the hottest woman in the club. And why wouldn't she? She gets told she's beautiful about a thousand times a day. Saying she has a nice ass is pointless because she knows she has a nice ass. She makes her money from having a nice ass and hence your compliments are just another lame regurgitation in a long line of lame regurgitations.
Still they do like compliments, as does everyone. Compliment her on something that's unique about her. I have a large amount of tattoos so sometimes I'll make a comment about the intricacies of her tattoo work and how nice the work is. That doesn't come off as corny because I have detailed, large tattoos myself.
Make her laugh:
As I mentioned before, she's deals with a lot of creeps so it's a godsend when a regular fun guy says something funny. Being a dancer can be very stressful at times and many girls who've been dancing for long begin to develop a lower sense of self-worth from dealing with all the assholes that treat them like sex objects all the time.
Do not get dances from her at first:
I know I'm going to catch a lot of flack from this but because you are interested in her, you need to establish that you enjoy her more in the times that she's acting like a person, (ie: when she's chatting with you), by getting dances right off the bat, she's going to relegate you to "customer world" that you just like seeing her ass clap in your face than getting to know her as a person.
Be respectful and kind but only have eyes for her:
You are in a SC and the girls working have bills to pay. You will win no points by being a cheap ass with the bartender or the other dancers. However, the dancer you are after expects guys to stare at every square inch of free skin they can lay their eyes on. Make eye contact, tip and smile and go back to her. If you are talking to her at the bar and another dancer comes up, maintain eye contact with your interest but casually slide some money to the dancer like a subtle way of "I acknowledge you're working and here's a tip but I'm really interested in this woman I'm talking to."
Be good looking:
Life ain't fair but realize this, "Guys like cute girls and girls like cute guys." We all can't look like Brad Pitt but take care of yourself. Dress well, wear form flattering clothing, comb your hair and stop eating so many doughnuts. She's got her pick of the litter so you better make yourself a contender.
Make friends with everyone:
Becoming friendly with the bartender and some of the non-dancing staff can help you in many ways. Most importantly if you're friends with the staff, the chances are high that you will get invited out into the inner circle, the places where the staff hangs out after work or on off days. The more people that your interest works with that trust you, the easier the process is going to be.
Maintain an air of aloofness:
When you walk into the club, do not sprint immediately over to your interest, it's annoying and it makes you look like a creep. Instead, take a seat and watch the tv. If you are making an impression at all on your interest, she will seek you out. Smile, be happy to see her, make a little situational humor and if she's interested she'll sit down or say something like "I'm going up on stage, but I'll be back in a bit." Smile, say something like "Have fun" and go back to the tv. Advice: Always keep an air of take it or leave it. You're happy when she's there but you are by no means trying to control her.
Pass the shit tests:
One of the reasons I love strippers is because of their egos. They will bust your balls all time with such skill, you really have to stay on your toes. Even if you're not interested in dating a stripper, talking to them can really improve your game with non-dancers.
Dancers have a number of shit tests that they will pull out to see if you're the real deal and you need to be on your game when they do this. Do not EVER think that a dancer is dumber than you or that you've got her in the bag. Most dancers I know are very smart and have an intricate knowledge of how men think, (it's their job to know these things.) On top of that, she wants you to be a piece of shit. She wants you to be like every single other man she's ever met who was just all about the tits and ass and little else. She wants you to be a scumbag who's only gaming her for pussy. She wants any reason to blow you off.
What will she do to shit test you?
If you don't want a dance, she might call you gay. She'll purposely try to dance for other guys while you look at her to gauge your reaction and see if you get jealous. If you do get jealous, she's already won and she can string you along for as long as she wants. She might try hitting on you, then go cold to see if you start following her around like a little puppy dog and annoying her. Advice: Whatever she does, it's not important. If she tries to get a rise out of you, just smile and laugh it off. If she's dancing for someone near you while facing you, just look her in the eye, smile (fun smile, not creepo smile), and go back to watching tv.
Asking for her number:
You cannot ask for her number, she will have to give you hers when she feels the time is right. You have to make her basically throw herself at you over the course of time. You can speed up the process a little by inviting her to some public place, perhaps going to see the new movie you both said you're excited to see or even dumb stuff like playing mini-golf. Something that is so far removed from any romance, any hint of seduction or anything that might make her think you're trying to get her alone to possibly hurt her. (keep in mind that this is always in the back of a dancers head.) Basically you're looking to have normal fun with her. Stay away from a sit-down dinner at first, every weirdo is trying to do that and it's old. You're not looking to be her sugar daddy.
Once you have established outside contact: IE she has met you in a public place in her regular clothes:
Do not go back to the club. She knows your intentions, you have met the real person behind the dancer so that dancer is not her anymore and she is going to need some time to process whether she wants to spend more time with you or not. Again, the "take it or leave it" attitude is highly critical. You cannot text her 23 times a day then show up at her job. She is working and making her money and to show up is just going to put all your hard work on trying to become her boyfriend back into "Well that failed, let's go see her naked."
Do not ever become obsessed:
I'm sure you've all heard about Christy Mack and her royal douche of an ex beating her to a pulp. You must never get jealous of her or become obsessed with her life. Dating a stripper is lot a of work and it is not for the faint hearted. You have to have your shit together because your woman takes off her clothes and dances naked for men. If you can't handle that, then dating them is not for you.
Long term:
So you've successfully been dating your fantasy girl for a while. Now what?
Just because you are dating her, does not mean you own her. Do not tell her to stop dancing, do not harass her and FOR GOD'S SAKES, don't start thinking she's messing around behind your back. If she wants to she's going to and you are not going to stop her. In fact, you're going to push her away the more you try to control her.
I personally have never had a dancer girlfriend cheat on me because I made it a point to always be the fun guy who always made her laugh. If she's got someone in her life that makes her happy, she's going to fight like a caged animal to make sure nothing fucks that up. She'll become your Athena so don't abuse her trust.
Finally:
Don't cheat on a stripper:
Dancers are in very good shape and they are very territorial. My good friend was dating a very beautiful woman from a local club and she happened to find out that he was screwing around behind her back. She promptly picked up a cinder block and hurled it through the back window of his parked truck and the block came out of the windshield. Then she proceeded to stab his tires and physically punch the panels of his truck. She did over $12,000 of damage to his truck and basically totaled it with her bare hands.
Be straight with the dancer and break up with her in person after a long discussion. Don't lie to her.
Good Luck