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justanothercamgirl
09-25-2014, 07:51 PM
Funny enough, the thing that wears on me about camming and makes me self-loath is actually not the customers at all, no matter how bad they may be.

It is all the little ways that the majority of the companies that I've worked for have, for lack of a better word 'scammed' the camgirls that work for them. They essentially treat the people who are making money for them as disposable and that is what makes me want to get out of the business.

Of course, not all companies out there are like that.....there are some really amazing companies I've worked for but sadly they are the exception to the rule.

xoprincessremy
09-25-2014, 07:54 PM
Yes, it has been damaging. I started when I turned 19 (I'm now 21) because I needed the money. When I turned 18 I was working commission sales at Macy's Herald Square. While I was pulling in decent money (~1.2k, which I thought was A LOT at the time), I knew I needed something faster.

I have noticed changes in me. I'd rather stay in and cam than go out. Because money.
I've built my college course schedule that allows me to cam, instead of making friends at college. Because money.

My attitude is a lot more negative. If you're not giving me money, then I don't want to talk to you.
I feel like people are temporary.

But then there are trade-offs: I've paid my younger brother's attorney fees. My mother's textbooks since she's going back to school.
I've been able to buy my own car, own apt, saving for plastic surgery, etc. Basically do things that people my age normally wouldn't be able to do at 21.

Camming has also turned me into a liar and more secretive. I feel like I'm living a double life. No one knows what I do except for my brother.
Students at school ask me how I pay for these things. I say "with money". I have become more materialistic --- and never satisfied, like I'm going through the motions to get the next thing.


I am terrified that my degree will not allow me to have a 9-5 that earns me 100k. I can't work a normal vanilla job for less than 70k. Being spoiled with sex work money, I just can't.


Basically, "fuck you, pay me"

I think it's because I'm more bitter than anything else since my single mother kicked me out when I was 17. And I've been forced to do it all on my own.

JaneBurgess
09-25-2014, 09:41 PM
Thank you for this Sam. I was having a shitty night kinda feeling sorry for myself, I NEEDED to read this.




NO! Cause I remember in my 20s working 2 jobs. One at pizza hut as a waitress & at Sizzler at a runner who had to keep the salad bar stocked. Working 2 jobs on my feet all day long, no real breaks. Putting in 12 to 16 hour days, my feet & legs swelling up even though I was in great shape to twice their size.
I remember how the bosses treated me like shit. I remember the pay being shit. I remember How I had no life, no money & crying myself to sleep at night being on the verge of homeless. Working so hard & getting no real results.

Now I have a career, a life. I can work hard & see the benefits pay off in spades.

I have no pity. I can't stand the whining girls do on here about this job. It is quite simple, get out & do something else if you feel you are being hurt mentally. Go work in a so-called real world & pay your dues.

Sam

Airrrie2
09-25-2014, 10:06 PM
Hmmm, I'm not sure that's the proper use of the term "psychotherapy." Most psychotherapists would argue that you're not helping yourself by treating men like shit. No offense, but being a sexist bitch won't make your past go away, and hating half of the world is a ridiculous thing to do. Your behavior on cam IS real life, and your customers are real people. It's sad that you feel the need to disrespect them because of their gender.

There was a man-hating thread a while back that really reinforced the sex-worker stereotype...of hating men. I know we're a community of women here, but ffs I'm getting tired of this shit on here.

Just wow. Sounds like you need a little... something! Like maybe a bar of soap. This is just dirty. Take a bath and clean your conscience.

laurielegs
09-25-2014, 10:17 PM
I have a few physical problems that make working a vanilla job difficult but even if I didn't I'd still cam. I've held a lot of jobs and am trained in a couple of professions, hairdresser, medical/legal transcription work (did it for years, made fairly good money but ugh, hated the hours and the controlling atmosphere), even worked in a national park.

I do bitch about this and that but then I remember how lucky I really am.

Nothing compares to making my own hours, working from the comfort of home, being able to take off when sick without telling anyone or asking, diversifying my income with many sources. I've had bronchitis this week, was horribly sick but was able to rest and get well without a boss breathing down my neck, and no fear of being fired.

This work is a dream come true.

Airrrie2
09-25-2014, 10:31 PM
Why does she need to 'clean her conscience' for humanizing customers/men?


I have made many a comment about things women do as it directly relates to our industry, namely flashing tits, sucking dildo's showing pussy and giving away other miscellaneous services but I would never stoop so low as to call any woman here or in this industry a bitch. It's low class. It's a low blow and it's uncalled for. That said, men have been dehumanizing women for years. We are paid less for doing the same work. Our health insurance and car insurance rates are higher. We are over sexualized in the media and have ridiculous standards set for us which is why we have assholes coming to our pages and tagging us with crap like, "chubby BUT sexy as if being a normal, healthy woman isn't beautiful. The dehumanization from men to women is rampant and readily accepted as a part of many cultures. If I choose to buck that culture and return the favor by specializing in SPH and Cruel Domination, and any other way I so choose, it doesn't mean I am a, "bitch" or ok to be told, whatever it was she said about me dehumanizing men. +++ LAUGHABLE++++ It's what they ask for and pay me for. It makes me feel good. It makes them feel good. It also doesn't mean I treat every man badly, it means I do it on cam for a living. It's a niche. A fetish. It means I've found my place within this industry by turning a negative into a positive.

She needs a bath. Go cleanse the dirty off herself.

Airrrie2
09-25-2014, 10:47 PM
Your follow up post is called gaslighting FYI. I found the ignore option.

http://counsellingresource.com/features/2011/11/08/gaslighting/

SimoneGray
09-25-2014, 11:20 PM
just came off a 12 hour shift. I spent the last 3 chatting intermittently to one of the most interesting people I have ever met. Someone who has made me see myself differently. This is the thing about camming is that you would ordinarily have to travel a far way to meet interesting people, but with camming, the world comes to you.

Camming is healing for me because in life I spent a lot of time being degraded and on cam its the opposite. I do the GFE niche so I get close with a lot of my custies and they all have sincere things to say about me that make me realize I'm not as shitty as real life assholes said I was. Its healing me in a way. I have come off cam feeling euphoric way more than wanting to cry.

Sure, there are aspects of my personality that have changed, but I feel that perhaps this is me getting strong and assertive for the first time ever. not taking shit and having a "fuck you, pay me" attitude is what you need for this job. its not an arena where you defer to people. Each job is different, this is just how this one is.

SarahTime
09-25-2014, 11:41 PM
I have made many a comment about things women do as it directly relates to our industry, namely flashing tits, sucking dildo's showing pussy and giving away other miscellaneous services but I would never stoop so low as to call any woman here or in this industry a bitch. It's low class. It's a low blow and it's uncalled for. That said, men have been dehumanizing women for years. We are paid less for doing the same work. Our health insurance and car insurance rates are higher. We are over sexualized in the media and have ridiculous standards set for us which is why we have assholes coming to our pages and tagging us with crap like, "chubby BUT sexy as if being a normal, healthy woman isn't beautiful. The dehumanization from men to women is rampant and readily accepted as a part of many cultures. If I choose to buck that culture and return the favor by specializing in SPH and Cruel Domination, and any other way I so choose, it doesn't mean I am a, "bitch" or ok to be told, whatever it was she said about me dehumanizing men. +++ LAUGHABLE++++ It's what they ask for and pay me for. It makes me feel good. It makes them feel good. It also doesn't mean I treat every man badly, it means I do it on cam for a living. It's a niche. A fetish. It means I've found my place within this industry by turning a negative into a positive.

She needs a bath. Go cleanse the dirty off herself.



http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mecr4hWVfV1qimn5h.jpg

PhatGirlDynomite!!!
09-26-2014, 12:31 AM
just came off a 12 hour shift. I spent the last 3 chatting intermittently to one of the most interesting people I have ever met. Someone who has made me see myself differently. This is the thing about camming is that you would ordinarily have to travel a far way to meet interesting people, but with camming, the world comes to you.

Camming is healing for me because in life I spent a lot of time being degraded and on cam its the opposite. I do the GFE niche so I get close with a lot of my custies and they all have sincere things to say about me that make me realize I'm not as shitty as real life assholes said I was. Its healing me in a way. I have come off cam feeling euphoric way more than wanting to cry.

Sure, there are aspects of my personality that have changed, but I feel that perhaps this is me getting strong and assertive for the first time ever. not taking shit and having a "fuck you, pay me" attitude is what you need for this job. its not an arena where you defer to people. Each job is different, this is just how this one is.

Okay I guess camming has made me more jaded, because while reading about this beautiful moment all I kept thinking was....Man I sure hope she got paid for talking to them for that long. :D

SimoneGray
09-26-2014, 01:31 AM
Okay I guess camming has made me more jaded, because while reading about this beautiful moment all I kept thinking was....Man I sure hope she got paid for talking to them for that long. :D

I got a 30 min excl from him and then he just hung out in my room while I went between pvts etc. Sometimes I appreciate the chatters cos the minute other custies come in it seems my room is alive. But it is a rare occasion that I let them stay lol, I tend to make them pay for their time.

On a side note, I think this is perhaps something for all camgirls to consider. When i first started camming I made myself a few promises. One was to be respectful of my body at all times. the other was that if camming ever made me feel hacked to the core of my soul or made me feel like less of a person inside, I would stop immediately and figure out something else to do. I think you have to make a promise to look after yourself while you do it, else you will pick up major damage.

justanothercamgirl
09-26-2014, 05:27 AM
In this respect, I think camming is like any other small business. It's a job for a person with an entrepreneurial spirit. Being your own boss is stressful. It's difficult to mentally 'clock out' at the end of the day. You take failures personally. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut. Sometimes you just can't muster the motivation to actually get to work.

I totally agree with this. Most entrepreneurial books talk about the isolation that comes from working for yourself. The isolation that camming brings isn't exclusive to camming. It is the natural by-product of working for yourself.

Incantatious
09-26-2014, 05:27 AM
The only things I find anything close to damaging about camming are as follows:

1. Software / Hardware / Internet / general tech issues.
2. Site glitches.
3. The fucking Streamate fucking encoder. XD


I haven't even cammed in months actually, but even that doesn't matter: I ended up just putting more eggs in my basket via other means of income (clips, vids, pics, etc), so actually even cam burn out can have it's positive side.

sweetgapeach
09-26-2014, 05:31 AM
^^miss you being around

scarletl
09-26-2014, 07:57 AM
I can't afford to dislike men just yet lol
I've not been married or had children and damn I need a man for those two things lol.

GamerGirlTeeg
09-26-2014, 11:26 AM
Hmm, camming hasn't been super damaging to me. And in one strange way, it has made my body-image healthier. Seeing myself constantly on cam, working a crowd, smiling and dancing, being able to constantly study my own expressions and such. I have never really felt more certain in my own beauty. And it's weird, because I don't mean slamming body or anything, but I can see who I am. I can see how other people see me, because I'm watching myself, and at the end of it, I'm pretty goddamned awesome. I'm witty and interesting. I sparkle when I smile and most of what I'm dishing out is sincere joy. I'm a hugely social person, and camming hasn't changed that at all.

It's just one more way for me to express myself, and if my mood is "fuck you, pay me" that day, than that is who I am.

KimKlass
09-26-2014, 11:56 AM
Camming can most definitely be self-damaging. Particularly to our mental states. So I'll focus on that.

I think much of this can be avoided though if, for starters, cam ladies did only what they were personally comfortable with instead of bending to pressure from customers or even from themselves. For example: If you aren't comfortable with a particular thing but maybe are having a bad day on cam and some guy offers you money to do it- DON'T do it. If you cannot look yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself instead of feeling low after doing something- DON'T do it. Never disregard your mental health for this job because as we all know, it can certainly take a toll on it and it is simply not worth it. Your self-esteem is absolutely priceless. Yeah, that extra $$ might feel good for a minute but when you wind down after your shift and think about it ... was it worth violating your boundaries? Everyone of us has different limits, but I really do wish all the ladies would stick to them. It's much healthier for us, IMO.

I learned very quickly that I have to run my chat rooms exactly my way and to be unapologetic about my boundaries. Because probably 90% of the guys on these sites don't give a single fuck about how you feel when you log off or if they're making you uncomfortable. You have to look out for yourself when you turn off the webcam. The same applies to overworking yourself, letting slow times stress you out to an unhealthy degree, giving customers too big a piece of your headspace, and all that jazz that can come with the territory. Take care of yourself, and this job won't be damaging (or at least not too damaging haha).

My personal experience so far with two and a half years of camming, however, has truly been positive overall. I have definitely had some stressful times, even depression resulting directly from this job. But I have learned how to manage the stressors from camming. I'm constantly tweaking this thing and that thing. I have turned my camming experience into something that is mostly enjoyable. Actually, it has taught me quite a bit about myself and about other people and I appreciate the life experience. So basically, when done right for YOU camming can be a great thing. When done wrong for you, camming can be disastrous.

Sorry for the ramble lol.

tl;dr Make boundaries and stick to them or you'll feel like shit.

AngelMari
09-26-2014, 12:18 PM
This x 100!

And no, camming hasn't damaged me. If anything, it's made me a little bit more aware/annoyed of men and their bullshit. And has confirmed that what they care about most is that thing between their legs. Shit, my damn foot was bleeding once during an MFC private show (I had hit it on something sharp under my bed), and the guy didn't give a shit. He just sat there stroking his cock. Not even a "Are you okay???"


Totally with you!!! I can see through the bullsh*tters more so than prior to camming. I don't date much but then again I'm too busy with doing my stuff, hobbies, other work etc.

I see it as a job just like any other- there's always good and bad people. You'll have that with anything you choose to do in life.

I tell everyone I work as consultant (I am a telecom consultant) so the secrecy would be the only downside for me. Most of my women friends know and don't give a crap, I can't say I've ever been judged my friends which I'm pretty lucky. They think my stories are hilarious.

It's not really soul sucking for me, I could be out there digging ditches.. I actually find it empowering and just another reason I love being me.

JaneBurgess
09-26-2014, 12:37 PM
I don't dislike men, I dislike men that feel entitled to freebies. I dislike customers that are rude, act like we owe them something or think it's ok to call us names. I don't care what profession someone does, you don't ask them to work for free and then harass them when they won't. That's the only part I hate about camming is free chat assholes.

space_cowgirl
09-26-2014, 12:54 PM
^ I also hate that many of the free chat option sites teach them to be that way, and then sometimes I end up hating the sites themselves for forcing me to re-educate the guys constantly.

anonymous camgirl
09-26-2014, 01:47 PM
Great Advice let's see if that still applies after YEAR 10...lol...I think around the 5th year mark which was 2007 I was just sitting online counting the hours and grinning and bearing it.. sometimes even crying while I was in a show.. no one ever said what's wrong..LOL..... they just kept jacking off while I am dildoing myself.. then the recession hit and now I cannot hide how I feel anymore...LOL... cuz I have had it.. yes I should go or cut back hours.. I am crossing my fingers that time is near.


Camming can most definitely be self-damaging. Particularly to our mental states. So I'll focus on that.

I think much of this can be avoided though if, for starters, cam ladies did only what they were personally comfortable with instead of bending to pressure from customers or even from themselves. For example: If you aren't comfortable with a particular thing but maybe are having a bad day on cam and some guy offers you money to do it- DON'T do it. If you cannot look yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself instead of feeling low after doing something- DON'T do it. Never disregard your mental health for this job because as we all know, it can certainly take a toll on it and it is simply not worth it. Your self-esteem is absolutely priceless. Yeah, that extra $$ might feel good for a minute but when you wind down after your shift and think about it ... was it worth violating your boundaries? Everyone of us has different limits, but I really do wish all the ladies would stick to them. It's much healthier for us, IMO.

I learned very quickly that I have to run my chat rooms exactly my way and to be unapologetic about my boundaries. Because probably 90% of the guys on these sites don't give a single fuck about how you feel when you log off or if they're making you uncomfortable. You have to look out for yourself when you turn off the webcam. The same applies to overworking yourself, letting slow times stress you out to an unhealthy degree, giving customers too big a piece of your headspace, and all that jazz that can come with the territory. Take care of yourself, and this job won't be damaging (or at least not too damaging haha).

My personal experience so far with two and a half years of camming, however, has truly been positive overall. I have definitely had some stressful times, even depression resulting directly from this job. But I have learned how to manage the stressors from camming. I'm constantly tweaking this thing and that thing. I have turned my camming experience into something that is mostly enjoyable. Actually, it has taught me quite a bit about myself and about other people and I appreciate the life experience. So basically, when done right for YOU camming can be a great thing. When done wrong for you, camming can be disastrous.

Sorry for the ramble lol.

tl;dr Make boundaries and stick to them or you'll feel like shit.

scarletl
09-26-2014, 08:18 PM
I'm very pleased that I created this thread because I have now realised what the self damage was in my life and it turns out it wasn't camming at all. It was my boyfriend all along.

Tonight I found out that my boyfriend has taken his ex girlfriend abroad on holiday. Yup...that's right.

This is a man who has been in my life for about 6 years and we was together 6 years ago for around 2-3 years, we broke up and he met someone else and I went off with a few guys. All along he hurt me and hid the fact that he was with this girl, because he wanted to keep me hanging on still. He finally admitted to being with her.
He made me lose so much weight I hit 6 stone in weight, developed a multitude of mental problems and didnt leave my house for a year and was suicidal.

Finally last November I built myself up to a real good place and I found camming (previous to this I was a domme on and off but not via camming) so I decided to start my journey as a NUDE cam girl. He got wind of this and funny enough come back into my life 2 months later proclaiming his love for me and asking for us to get back together and told me he dumped the other girl.

I stupidly believed him (he was very convincing) he sat in front of my eyes and proved that by texting her and telling her he has now met someone else. He did not like me camming and drummed it into my head how much I was degrading myself and how I made him feel insecure. Yet all along his ex kept propping up here and there at occasions and he fed me shit and covered the lies. It come to the point where I had my friend come tell me this girl is still calling him her boyfriend and told me and this happened 4 weeks ago and he avoided me, his girlfriend for 4 weeks....

then.....this is where it becomes interesting. He brought his sorry ass round to my house on Thursday to tell me that we should have a 2 week break because my camming is a bit too much for him and all the arguments that have happened we need to let the dust settle, and that he doesnt want to hurt me. So he suggested to not speak or see eachother for two weeks (I INSTANTLY thought and said to him, are you going on holiday because this seems weird, he denied)

So...me being a clever little soul decided tonight to call her phone....and wallah an abroad ring tone and his phone is off.
His gone on holiday with his ex girlfriend and I didnt even know. He left me feeling GUILTY and gutted of losing him because of the 2 week break.

JaneBurgess
09-26-2014, 11:27 PM
"Little does he know I stopped my contraception months ago" I hope to hell you don't plan to trap him into having a child. He sounds like the last person you want a child with. Do yourself a favor and dump his ass for good. Don't take him back, don't miss his sorry ass and go on with your life. The best revenge for losers like him is to have a happy, healthy and successful life.



I'm very pleased that I created this thread because I have now realised what the self damage was in my life and it turns out it wasn't camming at all. It was my boyfriend all along.

Tonight I found out that my boyfriend has taken his ex girlfriend abroad on holiday. Yup...that's right.

This is a man who has been in my life for about 6 years and we was together 6 years ago for around 2-3 years, we broke up and he met someone else and I went off with a few guys. All along he hurt me and hid the fact that he was with this girl, because he wanted to keep me hanging on still. He finally admitted to being with her.
He made me lose so much weight I hit 6 stone in weight, developed a multitude of mental problems and didnt leave my house for a year and was suicidal.

Finally last November I built myself up to a real good place and I found camming (previous to this I was a domme on and off but not via camming) so I decided to start my journey as a NUDE cam girl. He got wind of this and funny enough come back into my life 2 months later proclaiming his love for me and asking for us to get back together and told me he dumped the other girl.

I stupidly believed him (he was very convincing) he sat in front of my eyes and proved that by texting her and telling her he has now met someone else. He did not like me camming and drummed it into my head how much I was degrading myself and how I made him feel insecure. Yet all along his ex kept propping up here and there at occasions and he fed me shit and covered the lies. It come to the point where I had my friend come tell me this girl is still calling him her boyfriend and told me and this happened 4 weeks ago and he avoided me, his girlfriend for 4 weeks....

then.....this is where it becomes interesting. He brought his sorry ass round to my house on Thursday to tell me that we should have a 2 week break because my camming is a bit too much for him and all the arguments that have happened we need to let the dust settle, and that he doesnt want to hurt me. So he suggested to not speak or see eachother for two weeks (I INSTANTLY thought and said to him, are you going on holiday because this seems weird, he denied)

So...me being a clever little soul decided tonight to call her phone....and wallah an abroad ring tone and his phone is off.
His gone on holiday with his ex girlfriend and I didnt even know. He left me feeling GUILTY and gutted of losing him because of the 2 week break.

Better yet.....he fucked me the day he come to tell me this knowing he was swanning off on holiday with her.

Little does he know I stopped my contraception months ago. Now to plot my revenge in a very clever way.

justanothercamgirl
09-26-2014, 11:44 PM
Now to plot my revenge in a very clever way.

If you really want to get to him....leave him in your rear-view mirror, make a shit-load of money on cam, live out a great life with the money you've made and never, ever look back.

Any time you waste thinking about getting back at his useless ass is time you could of put into building an awesome life without him in it.

innocentindian
09-27-2014, 12:02 AM
I think a lot of it has to do with your mentality in regards to camming (and working for yourself)

It sounds really cheesy, but before camming my self-confidence was rock-bottom. I always felt ugly and uninteresting, never had relationships outside of close friendships, always on the wrong side of a crush. But when I started camming, I started to take care of how I looked - my makeup was heavy at first, but I soon started embracing more minimal/natural looking makeup, I always straightened my hair but then started to leave it naturally curly after a while. And guys liked it! I started taking my 'hustle' in my cam room into my real life, in terms of confidence - that yes, I am funny and interesting and worth talking to. And I honestly feel that I'm a more complete, confident, and happy version of myself than before I discovered camming.

In terms of sexuality, I don't think I can say my perception of sex has changed. I was always very very kinky before camming - I used to flash people on Chatroulette, call random numbers for phone sex to get myself off and cyber with random guys on the internet. (Like I said, I always felt ugly/unconfident, so I anytime I could hide myself behind a screen or phone, I really went at it!) I had kinky fetishes, and once I discovered camming I understood other fetishes as well, and realized exactly what I enjoyed and didn't enjoy. I keep 'cam sex' different from 'real life sex' - yeah, I do enjoy certain customers interactions and do get off, but mostly I treat it like masturbation - which is obviously very different from being in a physical, intimate relationship with another person.

And in terms of human depravity or knowing guys just want to get their nuts off - that's fine too! Because I was like that before, with my frequent cybering and phone calls, it wasn't who I was, it was just who I was when I was horny and online :) And I guess that's how I see most of my customers - so my idea or perception of men in general hasn't gotten worse or anything since camming either, if that makes sense :)

I guess you can phrase it with anything - there's relationships that make people self-destructive, vanilla 9-5 jobs that make people self-damaging, but there's also people who don't get damaged from those things. I think it all depends on you as a person and your attitude that determines whether or not camming affects you positively or negatively (or both!)

scarletl
09-27-2014, 01:24 AM
God no! That would be hell. I'm deffo not down with baby trapping. I'm sure he would love that knowing moving on would be hard and restricting for me.

Issabelle
09-27-2014, 02:36 AM
I'm very pleased that I created this thread because I have now realised what the self damage was in my life and it turns out it wasn't camming at all. It was my boyfriend all along.

....Little does he know I stopped my contraception months ago. Now to plot my revenge in a very clever way.

I'm with the other ladies who've said the best revenge is truly just living well. Trust me on this one--my ex-boyfriend cheated on me at least three times (all of which I found out about in the last month of our two year relationship). His current girlfriend is a nice girl and I wish him well because we didn't work and that's all fine, but I also (being human and shallow when the occasion allows) take great pleasure in knowing that even his friends agree she's pretty unattractive and they're a very awkward couple. Kiss him goodbye, laugh at his mistakes/failings periodically if it somehow makes you feel better, and get on with your life.

Now, that said, I did get 'revenge' on my cheating ex. The girls he was screwing on the side weren't aware he was taken and were pretty upset that he'd played them too. So, just possibly, we all got together for a 'girl's night' at the same time I dumped his ass, by which I mean that as I was dumping him, the girls 'showed up early' to see me and he was stuck in a room with all three girls he'd screwed over and seriously squirming. We didn't do anything to him except make him feel exponentially awful and awkward about his behavior. We all got some pretty impressive apology texts later that detailed how well played our 'revenge' was. And that was the end of the matter. I'm personally going to say that the best form of revenge is letting someone see how wrong they were in glaring day light--i.e., shoving them in a room with a bunch of irritated women and letting them sweat. Physical harm, blackmail, and shouting don't really teach them anything.

AngelMari
09-27-2014, 02:45 AM
Why can't you just love yourself? You don't need someone to tell you you're good enough. You ARE good enough!
Had to put "are" in caps to get my point across.

TheBrownFox
09-27-2014, 07:42 AM
Now, that said, I did get 'revenge' on my cheating ex. The girls he was screwing on the side weren't aware he was taken and were pretty upset that he'd played them too. So, just possibly, we all got together for a 'girl's night' at the same time I dumped his ass, by which I mean that as I was dumping him, the girls 'showed up early' to see me and he was stuck in a room with all three girls he'd screwed over and seriously squirming. We didn't do anything to him except make him feel exponentially awful and awkward about his behavior. We all got some pretty impressive apology texts later that detailed how well played our 'revenge' was. And that was the end of the matter. I'm personally going to say that the best form of revenge is letting someone see how wrong they were in glaring day light--i.e., shoving them in a room with a bunch of irritated women and letting them sweat.
That's awesome! I just recently read an article about several women (some guy was seeing them all at the same time) who got their revenge by confronting the scumbag all together. Haha. That's so awesome. We usually hear about women fighting each other, and then continuing to go back to the same loser. So it's nice to hear these stories about women putting their heads together instead. :)


Scarlet, I am so sorry to hear that your boyfriend has been lying to you. :( *hugs*

anonymous camgirl
09-27-2014, 07:55 AM
Listen to me, I understand greatly how you feel, I had a man in my life for 3 yrs ... IN and OUT driving me insane for 3 yrs, telling me what I want to hear, blaming me for every lil thing that was wrong with the relationship, everything was ALWAYS my fault, he would punish me by disappearing and ignoring my phone calls all the while he would be taking up with other women. When he is down his luck my phone would ring and he would profess his love to me all over again. til he was back on his feet.. 3 YEARS of this HELL!.. I trashed my cam career, I became an alcoholic, got into voodoo and tried to commit suicide. LISTEN TO ME!.. He broke my shoulder for me to finally get it!.. I walked away that day and NEVER looked back.. I cut off all CONTACT..no more boohooing over such a fucking loser who tried to destroy my life.. Still I am very upset and the road is hard to put my life back together again.. it's been yet another almost 3 yrs since that happened and I am still NOT whole and wonder if I ever will be. CUT OFF ALL CONTACT!.. you are only hurting yourself NOT him or anyone else. Do not wish for him ever again. He came into your life to teach you to be strong and stand on your own 2 feet, that is all.



I'm very pleased that I created this thread because I have now realised what the self damage was in my life and it turns out it wasn't camming at all. It was my boyfriend all along.

Tonight I found out that my boyfriend has taken his ex girlfriend abroad on holiday. Yup...that's right.

This is a man who has been in my life for about 6 years and we was together 6 years ago for around 2-3 years, we broke up and he met someone else and I went off with a few guys. All along he hurt me and hid the fact that he was with this girl, because he wanted to keep me hanging on still. He finally admitted to being with her.
He made me lose so much weight I hit 6 stone in weight, developed a multitude of mental problems and didnt leave my house for a year and was suicidal.

Finally last November I built myself up to a real good place and I found camming (previous to this I was a domme on and off but not via camming) so I decided to start my journey as a NUDE cam girl. He got wind of this and funny enough come back into my life 2 months later proclaiming his love for me and asking for us to get back together and told me he dumped the other girl.

I stupidly believed him (he was very convincing) he sat in front of my eyes and proved that by texting her and telling her he has now met someone else. He did not like me camming and drummed it into my head how much I was degrading myself and how I made him feel insecure. Yet all along his ex kept propping up here and there at occasions and he fed me shit and covered the lies. It come to the point where I had my friend come tell me this girl is still calling him her boyfriend and told me and this happened 4 weeks ago and he avoided me, his girlfriend for 4 weeks....

then.....this is where it becomes interesting. He brought his sorry ass round to my house on Thursday to tell me that we should have a 2 week break because my camming is a bit too much for him and all the arguments that have happened we need to let the dust settle, and that he doesnt want to hurt me. So he suggested to not speak or see eachother for two weeks (I INSTANTLY thought and said to him, are you going on holiday because this seems weird, he denied)

So...me being a clever little soul decided tonight to call her phone....and wallah an abroad ring tone and his phone is off.
His gone on holiday with his ex girlfriend and I didnt even know. He left me feeling GUILTY and gutted of losing him because of the 2 week break.

Better yet.....he fucked me the day he come to tell me this knowing he was swanning off on holiday with her.

Little does he know I stopped my contraception months ago. Now to plot my revenge in a very clever way.

justanothercamgirl
09-27-2014, 08:09 AM
Do not wish for him ever again. He came into your life to teach you to be strong and stand on your own 2 feet, that is all.

Thank you for this. I sometimes beat myself up that I spent 10 years with a horrible and abusive man and feel guilty that wasted so many years of my life -- but when you put it like that I realized that it really was an important lesson to learn. <3

anonymous camgirl
09-27-2014, 08:15 AM
^^ That's all they are. Teacher, who mold you and make you strong, and you might break in the mean time but you will rise up and become wiser, stronger and smarter.. I actually admire the hand he played in my life... There are things I still need to shed from that past. But he catapulted me further into my dreams.. without going into details that don't matter...lol

LaPetiteVierge
09-27-2014, 08:17 AM
Camming and sex work in general have not been inherently damaging for me (as in the actual participation in itself, not just the preliminary interactions) because of done two things. Initially, I completely detached myself from what I was doing and treated it as an "alter" life. As of late, I've just owned it. I'm not sure how to put that into better words, but I never felt particularly felt a lack of self worth or self esteem on the basis of just camming/sex work.
However, I find that the interactions with people can be particularly damaging. It's hard to have people treat you in a manner that's respectful in this business because they automatically assume negative things about you. Slut, whore, etc don't hurt on their own, but the intent of worthlessness and pity and pathetic-ness attributed to them get very emotionally draining very quickly. Factor in racism and queerphobia (use interchangeable with homo/bi/transphobias) which is encountered outside of the industry and its continuation in your day-to-day life, it's VERY very emotionally taxing.

So... Yes and no. Owning my sexuality detracts from the act of fucking myself or any such things from being self-damaging, but having to deal with fuckheads before getting down to the profit is like the bane of my existence at this point.

SarahTime
09-27-2014, 12:02 PM
Little does he know I stopped my contraception months ago. Now to plot my revenge in a very clever way.

Oh my holy fucking God. Please tell me you are not serious???

Because to me it sounds like you are "plotting your revenge" with a future possible INNOCENT CHILD???

Please tell me that is not what I just read? Because as a mother of 4 and a step mother to 1.... I'm going to have to exit this thread...

EDIT: I just finished reading other posts... you say that is not what you mean.... but what could you possibly mean by what you just said??? Because it sounds pretty clear to me.....? I apologize if I'm wrong..........

scarletl
09-27-2014, 01:51 PM
Oh my holy fucking God. Please tell me you are not serious???

Because to me it sounds like you are "plotting your revenge" with a future possible INNOCENT CHILD???

Please tell me that is not what I just read? Because as a mother of 4 and a step mother to 1.... I'm going to have to exit this thread...

EDIT: I just finished reading other posts... you say that is not what you mean.... but what could you possibly mean by what you just said??? Because it sounds pretty clear to me.....? I apologize if I'm wrong..........

No way in a million years. I will PM you why. But I can assure you 100000% that I would rather lay down and die now than have a man with this animal.
not only would I not wreck the rest of my life like that but I would not enpart that on a child.

scarletl
09-27-2014, 01:56 PM
I would also like to point out that last night I wrote that in an absoloute emotional mess of tears. I wasn't thinking of what I was saying or how it may have come across.

SarahTime
09-27-2014, 02:04 PM
Thank you for clarifying... :) I understand you were very upset, I'm happy to hear that you were just not thinking clearly.

You need to ditch this guy asap. You deserve so much better!!!

TheBrownFox
09-27-2014, 02:48 PM
No way in a million years. I will PM you why. But I can assure you 100000% that I would rather lay down and die now than have a man with this animal.
not only would I not wreck the rest of my life like that but I would not enpart that on a child.
You should edit that part of your post then, because what you posted sounded really bad. I (and others) actually thought you were talking about trying to trap him with a pregnancy, and I was thinking to myself "Oh, God, no...please don't be one of those girls..." I'm relieved to know that's not what you were thinking.

luvnrockets
09-27-2014, 07:36 PM
I have made many a comment about things women do as it directly relates to our industry, namely flashing tits, sucking dildo's showing pussy and giving away other miscellaneous services but I would never stoop so low as to call any woman here or in this industry a bitch. It's low class. It's a low blow and it's uncalled for. That said, men have been dehumanizing women for years. We are paid less for doing the same work. Our health insurance and car insurance rates are higher. We are over sexualized in the media and have ridiculous standards set for us which is why we have assholes coming to our pages and tagging us with crap like, "chubby BUT sexy as if being a normal, healthy woman isn't beautiful. The dehumanization from men to women is rampant and readily accepted as a part of many cultures. If I choose to buck that culture and return the favor by specializing in SPH and Cruel Domination, and any other way I so choose, it doesn't mean I am a, "bitch" or ok to be told, whatever it was she said about me dehumanizing men. +++ LAUGHABLE++++ It's what they ask for and pay me for. It makes me feel good. It makes them feel good. It also doesn't mean I treat every man badly, it means I do it on cam for a living. It's a niche. A fetish. It means I've found my place within this industry by turning a negative into a positive.

She needs a bath. Go cleanse the dirty off herself.

Well, mouthsoaping is a fetish for me, so I suppose that would just bring me pleasure. I also enjoy a nice bath from a man. Maybe one day you'll let a man do that for you too. And then give him a thank-you blow job because you want to make him feel good, because men deserve to feel good too.

If I need a bath, you need to realize that healthy individuals who choose to dominate others do it with kindness and caring. Have you ever dommed a guy IRL? Would you consider holding a guy and giving him aftercare? Having a slave boy, and meeting his needs too in a long-term relationship?

I'm sorry, but you are so sexist it is not even funny. Make statements about society, about statistics, about facts. Don't take your insecurities out on individuals. If men were so awful, all women would feel the same as you do. But most women do not.

cyberstripper
09-28-2014, 07:33 PM
Yes and no. When I was a home based cammer, my anxiety and depression grew out of control. There was no work/life balance. For the first year or so (honey moon phase) I cammed around the clock on several sites spreading myself way too thin. Neglecting things most important to me. After while, I took a rest and have myself set days off, which was difficult because grew addicted to the hustle. I was also obsessed with marketing myself. It paid off but would I ever work like this again? No.

I am not a lazy person but I grew tired of not smelling the roses. I moved a few times and could not cam as often due to working around others. I took a hit with the finances but I had to do what u had to do. A lot of my fans got mad to as I was not as accessible, but they also had unrealistic expectations. Not 100% their fault as I once dropped everything to do shows... But it what it is and life happens.
In the past few years I took long breaks to return to the normal work force... Had it's pros and con's. I did become less social camming so being forced to interact with real people for tips was my personal version of hell. I fit in and made work friends but add I told my sis, I wouldn't be inviting said friends over for dinner after work Lol. During this time I discovered a can studio here and started working there as well. It has more pros then con's imo. It is especially nice to be around like minded women who understand. It allows me to be social among my own mind. There is also a more routine schedule but that is something all of us seem to struggle with so I appreciate that work is work and home is home nowadays. One of the con's is I can on one site but I always going I make the most money sticking with one side and promoting myself on it. I do have a hard time marketing myself nowadays.....cause the last thing wasn't too do is get on a computer at home. So I work 4 days at the studio and have 3 days off...one of those days of will be my marketing and content creating day. I do still take work home with me but I have more balance and it makes all the difference.
The side effects that effects though my depression and anxiety will always be a force in my life include my sex life has taken a downward spiral. I used to be this sexual being with different partners. Now I want nothing to do with it. This could also be because I have been with the same man for a long time now and it had gone a little stale but sec just doesn't excite me like it used to.

cyberstripper
09-28-2014, 07:37 PM
Sorry for all of the typos. Fucking auto correct. Can=cam

IvyAdams
09-28-2014, 08:44 PM
I'm new to camming (going on my second week), and this thread has been really eye opening to me. Personally, for me, the day job that I am in now (and getting ready to quit) is the self damaging out of the two. If anything, camming has made my self awareness, image, confidence all go up. My day job is shit. It's constant stress, underpaid bullshit. You do a great job once and they expect you to do everything, all the time, make no money and get absolutely NO recognition. It's having a negative effect on my relationship with my boyfriend, my sleep, etc. Camming has been liberating, as well as an immense relief knowing that I can make MORE than my shit job, and be in charge of my own life. I don't do anything I don't want to do in my room, and I think as long as I stick to my boundaries, my outlook on camming will stay positive. :)

Reading others responses makes me curious as to what my answer will be a year or two from now.

SimoneGray
09-29-2014, 02:19 AM
^^ This. I cannot tell you how excited I am to hand in my resignation at my vanilla job. Its the cause of all my stress and crazy long hours. I always have more fun camming. Camming itself has never made me sad, but on the slow days or days when money is scarce I get frustrated. With my vanilla job though, its boring, soul sucking work.

LadyFionaStar
09-29-2014, 03:08 PM
As far as self damaging goes, I'm 49, been a stripper and an escort in my past. I have already been damaged and drugged out and now KNOW who I am and what I do and KNOW that this is just acting, nothing more. I am confident and keep this separate. I have FUN doing this and when I don't and they start to piss me off, or my ATTITUDE starts sucking, I log the fuck off.

If this is ruining your self image and find yourself changing into someone you don't want to be, find something else to do. It's just not worth it.

Peace..Fiona.

anonymous camgirl
09-29-2014, 03:17 PM
I think sometimes I forget how it was to have a real job.. haven't had one in 12 yrs.. so I guess I am spoiled to do what I want.. but life is still EXTREMELY stressful when i am a single mom and still doing cam 7 days a week.. and TBH .. if i wanted to barely get by?? I would work less.. but you are only young once.. and this bitch is almost 42 so i work every available day.. I am scared out of my mind if i don't... doom comes closer and closer... i think they would call this a mid- life crisis?? luckily i haven't had any impending serious illness that would keep me sidelined for long periods of time.. NOT YET anyways.. but everyday i get older that chance is ever so higher in my mind.. so i work work work.. and try to secure my future.. JUST IN CASE.. because things happen.. and it doesn't matter who when or why it happens.. you must be prepared for it.


^^ This. I cannot tell you how excited I am to hand in my resignation at my vanilla job. Its the cause of all my stress and crazy long hours. I always have more fun camming. Camming itself has never made me sad, but on the slow days or days when money is scarce I get frustrated. With my vanilla job though, its boring, soul sucking work.

PhatGirlDynomite!!!
09-29-2014, 03:32 PM
I'm new to camming (going on my second week), and this thread has been really eye opening to me. Personally, for me, the day job that I am in now (and getting ready to quit) is the self damaging out of the two. If anything, camming has made my self awareness, image, confidence all go up. My day job is shit. It's constant stress, underpaid bullshit. You do a great job once and they expect you to do everything, all the time, make no money and get absolutely NO recognition. It's having a negative effect on my relationship with my boyfriend, my sleep, etc. Camming has been liberating, as well as an immense relief knowing that I can make MORE than my shit job, and be in charge of my own life. I don't do anything I don't want to do in my room, and I think as long as I stick to my boundaries, my outlook on camming will stay positive. :)

Reading others responses makes me curious as to what my answer will be a year or two from now.

Your day job really does sound like it sucks, but please really think about it before you abandon it all together. There is a new girl faze for this line of work and can be extremely shocking when that faze is over.

anonymous camgirl
09-29-2014, 03:53 PM
^^ yes that would be irresponsible of you to quit your day job unless you could sustain yourself.. for me I was on unemployment and receiving child support checks when I started.. and when my unemployment started to run out I was willing to work 100+ hours a week to make it work, which I did.. for a year!...lol.. long time ago.. so I never had a job since.. thought of getting a temp job once in awhile and then I am like nah fuck it!... so yea make sure you got your bills covered before you decide to give up your security...

SimoneGray
09-30-2014, 12:35 AM
Agreed :) I am only quitting my vanilla job because I work long hours for pennies. I am also going to be doing a law degree via correspondence, so in that way I will make sure that my future is secured. I love camming but I don't plan on doing it forever, just because I fear for what the industry will look like 10 years from now if its already on the decline right now.

IvyAdams
10-02-2014, 07:25 PM
^^ yes that would be irresponsible of you to quit your day job unless you could sustain yourself.. for me I was on unemployment and receiving child support checks when I started.. and when my unemployment started to run out I was willing to work 100+ hours a week to make it work, which I did.. for a year!...lol.. long time ago.. so I never had a job since.. thought of getting a temp job once in awhile and then I am like nah fuck it!... so yea make sure you got your bills covered before you decide to give up your security...

I appreciate all of your responses :) I would never be irresponsible enough to not make sure I was in a financially stable position to do this. My bills are covered, and my S.O has a very well paying job. Quitting my day job where I'm underpaid is more about the stress and how it's ruining my personal relationships (Seriously, no job is worth my mental health, and is more important than my relationships)

starcraft
10-26-2014, 04:25 PM
by reading all these threads i realised severa things about myself:
a) camming suits to me, because i love meeting people, chat with them, and i can make people actually PAY FOR CHAT with me.
b) but the pressure i am into bcs i am a studio model and deal with high weekly limits and if i take day off i get call, and always for taking day off i need have good excuse just making me go crazy
c) i hate working in studio. i would love do that from home, when i want, how i want. studio always seeks for me breaking rules. and i hate that. i know, i could work from home, but they take 50% of my salary, so at least i would make them some expensies with elecricity and warm and space.
d) 5 weeks when i cammed on my own were the best weeks on cam ive ever had! i was able say NO to cuties i didnt want to be with. i was able to stream in the middle on the night or when i feel i want to stream. it didnt make me exosted , bcs i was able take rest after school!
e) sad i didnt find thins thread on my trial week, when i didnt have agreement with studio.....