View Full Version : This is why I hate going outside
Aniela
10-30-2014, 11:23 PM
Plus, calling a historically black neighborhood "uncivilized" makes a lot of people cringe. Rethink your choice of words?
That an area is historically black (or white, or Asian, or whatever) isn't what makes it uncivilised, it's the behaviour of the ppl who live there. I know in DC, I encountered all colours of street harassers. I think that in the context of this thread, you may be looking for smtg that's not there.
lol1337a
10-30-2014, 11:44 PM
To be fair he didn't call some the inhabitants of the neighborhood uncivilized, he was calling the neighborhood itself uncivilized ("Those Harlem neighborhoods aren't known to be terribly civilized").
And I feel you on being harassed by men from all walks of life. I'm the most scared, though, when I'm harassed by wealthy white men because statistically they tend to get away with whatever the hell the want to in court to the greatest degree.
AmericanFlyer
10-30-2014, 11:56 PM
Interesting development: http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2014/10/29/catcalling_video_hollaback_s_look_at_street_harass ment_in_nyc_edited_out.html
rickdugan
10-31-2014, 04:50 AM
I live in Harlem and used to live in Washington Heights. The scariest harassment I've experienced was in Midtown and Park Slope. Like, "Is this man going to rape me?" run away harassment. In my neighborhoods it's obnoxious but I haven't usually felt endangered.
Plus, calling a historically black neighborhood "uncivilized" makes a lot of people cringe. Rethink your choice of words?
I'm perfectly fine with my choice of words here. I don't think it's any secret that Harlem neighborhoods can be a bit rough, with guys hanging around the streets all day long with nothing to do but be "obnoxious" (as you called it), behavior which I do not find to be terribly civilized. I was not focusing on any racial element, nor was I targeting an entire geographic population. The people who made the video seemed to be targeting the Harlem area due to the same issues that we are discussing and, quite predictably, the girl who was walking received the "obnoxious" behavior that they were seeking.
Breedancer
10-31-2014, 01:50 PM
http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/catcalled-nyc-woman-feels/story?id=26601902
this was on my fb, and what made me even more angry was all the comments of " oh, i would take this as flattery" or " i'm a man so i know that most of these guy's had pure intentions and were just being polite" * face palm*
Polite is keeping your pie hole shut and trying not to get caught looking. I feel bad if I even get caught looking as men don't like to make women feel uncomfortable. Boys, jerks, idiots, and A-holes don't care. I grew up in NYC, and that behavior is almost NYC culture as it always seemed worse to me in NYC than any major city I have been to, but obviously it happens everywhere.
lol1337a
11-01-2014, 10:20 PM
NYC (ALL areas) are bad, but I think SF might be even worse. Anyone want to continue the dialogue that's been started about what it's like in specific cities? (Of course we all know it happens everywhere).
ScarletKitten
11-02-2014, 12:09 AM
I just ignore these idiots and go on about my day. Most of the time I go out I am with my bf though, who is skilled in self-defense & martial arts, so I always feel safe with him. When I'm with him, there is usually never an issue, other than getting stared at by men, which I just ignore too. Men are going to look at anything they want, it doesn't bother me that much. What did bother me was a guy who was walking in front of my car in a parking lot, so of course I slowed down to let him pass, but he looked at me, grabbed his crotch & stuck his tongue out, mouthing something obscene. It pissed me off at the time, but I got over it. That was years ago though.
Mind you, there is a huge difference between catcalling and rape. Obviously the 2 can correlate at times. But most catcalling does not lead to rape. Just sayin'.
eagle2
11-02-2014, 12:54 AM
Here's an interview with the lady in the video:
http://www.msnbc.com/alex-witt/watch/hollaback--harassment-video-actress-speaks-up-350975043806
Half Empty
11-02-2014, 12:13 PM
About a page back, somebody made a comment to the effect of "I wonder how often it actually works for them?". This is more a part of the issue than one might realize at first glance. This video, and most discussions of it, completely leave out a crucial element of the problem - women that encourage the behavior. I'm not blaming women in general, and I'm certainly not saying that street harassment isn't the "perpetrator's" problem - it is and it is. But the fact that there's a large subculture of females that react positively and even encourage this behavior is ignored.
One can also note that with a very few exceptions, it's lower-class citizens that both perpetrate, and encourage this behavior. Men raised in middle-class households are less likely to behve this way, regardless of race; women raised in middle class homes are less likely to encourage it. I believe this is why many women here have commented to the effect that they are actually harassed LESS when they go out fully made up and looking classy - while few guys might still take a shot, most of them inherently understand that this probably isn't a woman who feeds off of that kind of attention.
Sadly, this amounts to a lost cause in many ways. Raise all the awareness in the world - that isn't gonna change the behavior of some asshole who already doesn't care. You might get a small percentage of these guys to change their attitudes, but really - does being bothered 7 times per block instead of 9 really fix the problem? :-(
Aniela
11-02-2014, 12:41 PM
About a page back, somebody made a comment to the effect of "I wonder how often it actually works for them?". This is more a part of the issue than one might realize at first glance. This video, and most discussions of it, completely leave out a crucial element of the problem - women that encourage the behavior. I'm not blaming women in general, and I'm certainly not saying that street harassment isn't the "perpetrator's" problem - it is and it is. But the fact that there's a large subculture of females that react positively and even encourage this behavior is ignored.
One can also note that with a very few exceptions, it's lower-class citizens that both perpetrate, and encourage this behavior. Men raised in middle-class households are less likely to behve this way, regardless of race; women raised in middle class homes are less likely to encourage it. I believe this is why many women here have commented to the effect that they are actually harassed LESS when they go out fully made up and looking classy - while few guys might still take a shot, most of them inherently understand that this probably isn't a woman who feeds off of that kind of attention.
Sadly, this amounts to a lost cause in many ways. Raise all the awareness in the world - that isn't gonna change the behavior of some asshole who already doesn't care. You might get a small percentage of these guys to change their attitudes, but really - does being bothered 7 times per block instead of 9 really fix the problem? :-(
This is a very good point. Kinda makes me think of this discussion from awhile back
… along w/ the links in this thread to other similar discussions. One thing that comes up in each of the discussions is the 'sm girls don't like it, but sm do, so that's why guys feel so good abt rolling the dice & doing XYZ w/o permission' argument.
Half Empty
11-02-2014, 12:46 PM
It would be interesting to put a camera on a few random guys and have them cat call women walking by and see the results. I wouldn't condone such a thing simply bcause - who needs more harassment regardless of the purpose - but from a "scientific" POV, it'd be interesting.
lilbunny
11-02-2014, 12:58 PM
This is a brave woman in the video. Only a woman understands the every day annoyance and sometimes even fear - these mindless guys subject us to.
More frustrating are the snide remarks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlddgmI3CWE&list=UUqRScKbESN0th-TdlmaQ6oQ
http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2014/11/01/360422087/hollaback-video-calls-out-catcallers-but-cuts-out-white-men
I'm donating to Hollaback who made this video.
http://www.ihollaback.org/
They also have to put up with the shit printed by reputed orgs such as NPR
Last year - My dancer friend went to grocery store after her night shift. Two guys working that night inside the store (stockers) started staring at her and passing comments. Very uncomfortable, very annoying. She took the time to file a complaint, went the next day to speak some more to the GM. Both stockers were fired. I hope them assholes don't get another job. I'll too never let behavior like this go. I'll take the time to follow through with my complaint. This behavior has to end - and guys think they're being cool. It's never ok.
KaraLynn
11-02-2014, 01:11 PM
Ugh, my least favorite is when guys can't take a hint when you ignore them the first time and follow you, get in front of your face, and keep talking at you. Dude, if I ignore you the first time TAKE A HINT AND FUCK OFF!
It's about time someone brings this into the public eye. It can get borderline scary and stalkerish. I had a guy keep talking at me out of a car window while I was walking and I ignored him of course, I turned into the parking lot of where I was going and he pulls in behind me, parks in front of me attempting to block my path and goes "Hey! Hey! What's up? What are you doing??"
I gave him a nasty look and ran into the building. I don't get why people think this kind of behavior is okay and a girl is being a bitch if she doesn't respond to it or is bitchy about it.
TransdimensionalPrincess
11-02-2014, 01:54 PM
394983950039499
Has anyone else seen this from fox news? This is our America.
Kellydancer
11-02-2014, 03:07 PM
That's Fox News, known as the toilet of the news media. It consists of misogynist, racist, and tin foil hat wearing lunatics.
One can also note that with a very few exceptions, it's lower-class citizens that both perpetrate, and encourage this behavior. Men raised in middle-class households are less likely to behve this way, regardless of race; women raised in middle class homes are less likely to encourage it. I believe this is why many women here have commented to the effect that they are actually harassed LESS when they go out fully made up and looking classy - while few guys might still take a shot, most of them inherently understand that this probably isn't a woman who feeds off of that kind of attention.
I don't think it's a class problem because I've been harassed by men of all different classes. However, by low income I assume you mean the welfare class as compared to working people? I do think the group you are talking about tends to act like this especially when you look at the baby daddy/baby mama many have. Many aren't raised by a dad who can teach them right from wrong.
oldster
11-03-2014, 10:01 AM
On NPR, on point, pretty good conversation with a person from Hollaback. While she started out a bit edgy heading towards militant she made some very nuanced comments. One, to paraphrase that we all would like to live in a world where you can say 'hi' 'hello' 'you look good' to people on the street, the verbal harassment ruins the ability to do that.
It is rare when someone impresses me with a 3 dimensional view of an issue that they are an advocate for.
Optimist
11-06-2014, 04:10 AM
There is no excuse for that kind of behavior and I'll never understand it.
Just one thing to point out though when I watched the video - I don't think that most of those harassment scenes took place in Midtown or Downtown. Girls walk around those areas all day long in much skimpier and tighter outfits and I don't believe I've ever witnessed that kind of behavior from the guys around them. Those shots looked to me like like they came from Harlem, especially since there is no Jimmy Jazz shoe store below 124th street in Manhattan. Those Harlem neighborhoods aren't known to be terribly civilized and, in all candor, it would not surprise me if they picked the rougher areas of "Manhattan" specifically because they expected a certain amount of harassment.
None of that excuses the behavior of these men one iota, but I think that Manhattan got an awful bad rap with that video.
You gotta be kidding me?? I was harassed and assaulted sexually in the Upper East side and once in the Soho!! I was followed like that video in the East Village as well. I actually never experienced assault or harassment while living in Harlem.
Why would you think that because you never noticed harassment that it doesn't happen in Manhattan? It's an odd bias, magical thinking, given that Manhattan streets are incredibly clogged four-five deep with people moving in every direction. No one could observe all of that.
Sophia_Starina
11-06-2014, 12:06 PM
Just one thing to point out though when I watched the video - I don't think that most of those harassment scenes took place in Midtown or Downtown. Girls walk around those areas all day long in much skimpier and tighter outfits and I don't believe I've ever witnessed that kind of behavior from the guys around them.....
The guy who made the video stated that midtown was BY FAR the most harrassment-dense region!
"Midtown was our biggest hotspot for street harassment."
http://www.bustle.com/articles/46972-rob-bliss-director-of-hollabacks-viral-street-harassment-video-responds-to-allegations-of-racism
lemiwinks31
11-11-2014, 03:32 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7DCDYSJwwE4
The_Adict
11-11-2014, 04:47 PM
The guy who made the video stated that midtown was BY FAR the most harrassment-dense region!
"Midtown was our biggest hotspot for street harassment."
http://www.bustle.com/articles/46972-rob-bliss-director-of-hollabacks-viral-street-harassment-video-responds-to-allegations-of-racism
Actually, I believe people figured out that the vast majority of the video (Using landmarks) takes place on one street in Harlem and one street in Manhattan. Not to undermined the subject matter but doesn't this group that made this video specialize in making viral videos (Basically an ad)?
fishielicious
11-11-2014, 05:07 PM
And I feel you on being harassed by men from all walks of life. I'm the most scared, though, when I'm harassed by wealthy white men because statistically they tend to get away with whatever the hell the want to in court to the greatest degree.
I agree with everything you've said on the topic. I think it's kind of ridiculous to call Harlem "uncivilized," and I've spent plenty of time in Harlem, midtown, downtown, and Brooklyn. I don't ever remember having an encounter in Harlem that made me seriously fearful, but I had several around Park Slope and Union Square.
Of course, my personal experience may be skewed because the time I spent in Harlem I was almost always in the company of the guy I dated at the time, who lived there.
Really though, the scariest experiences I had in New York were just about all on the subway. Which is doubly terrifying because in that situation, on a moving train, you have very few options for escape.
Aniela
11-11-2014, 07:18 PM
Really though, the scariest experiences I had in New York were just about all on the subway. Which is doubly terrifying because in that situation, on a moving train, you have very few options for escape.
God yes! I hate them so much that during busier hrs I will make time for a 10blk walk if I have to rather than take the train. It's not just a matter of not a lot of escape options, either -- it's the lack of room to maneuver. Fewer places spook me more than a crowded train, even as a mid-range/close fighter -- it's one of the easiest places I can think of to corner a person & cause them serious harm.
jasmine22
11-20-2014, 07:29 AM
I hate how the one guy yells, " hey someone's acknowledging you for being beautiful!" In a rude way. Soooo I should be grateful that your doing this?? I wonder if guys really get a girls number from this. I mean I hate this but maybe this is working for them somehow?
lokikola
11-20-2014, 07:47 AM
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”
This is by Margaret Atwood.
This type of stuff scares most women, but it really hurts because I'm raising a little girl. I'm sexually harassed in front of her on the regular. It breaks my heart that within another few years it'll start happening to her, too.
I'll never be a politician or win a noble prize. I think of my being as a single grain of sand in a mudslide; I still have faith that with our own individual efforts we can make the world a better place for the next generation.
audrey_k
11-20-2014, 07:58 AM
Saw this yesterday on FB. This is so true. For some reason these kinds of comments may get worse when dressed down; maybe that is a perception of being more approachable? Also, unfortunately this kind of thing happens not only in NYC, but pretty much anywhere in the world. However, form personal experience in the US, these guys were much worse in DC (my previous city) than NYC because they could get very angry and aggressive if you completely ignored them.
The thing is, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like this is an American thing. Because a day never went by in LA where someone didn't catcall me, but I've had someone do that ONCE in London, in almost 9 months. It was a taxi driver who did the honking thing. And I'm not even just speaking about London but the ten other cities I've visited in the UK (England and Scotland).
That's not to say though that the guys here are perfect gentlemen, I had to call the cops because some guy just grabbed my ass and then started telling me "suck my dick" over and over and then followed me home. But the general catcalling just doesn't seem to occur here, and it's not just me, as I've never seen guys do it to other women here either.
It makes me wonder if there's something in American culture that perpetuates it? Also, I can't find it but here was a really sad video of a guy defending these guys actions to two women on TV and basically saying if they were more attractive and wealthy we women would like it. Uhm, not it doesn't work that way, don't care how rich you are. I once had an escorting client ask me how to pick up a woman in public and I basically told him it doesn't happen. I want to be able to go outside and enjoy myself and get shit done, not have to deal with sexual advances from strangers.
jeffb
11-23-2014, 04:38 PM
Man Defends His Girlfriend From a Catcaller
www.news.yahoo.com/man-pays-horrific-price-defending-girlfriend-catcaller-213217547.html
Sophia_Starina
11-24-2014, 02:11 PM
Man Defends His Girlfriend From a Catcaller
www.news.yahoo.com/man-pays-horrific-price-defending-girlfriend-catcaller-213217547.html
Terrible.
That's just terrible. :(
I have a theory that many catcallers are random dudes who suck at life. They lack the appropriate impulse controls to live successfully. Their lives are probably full of turmoil because of their inability to behave correctly all around. But hey, they're simply operating on a reptillian brain level... and... they can't help themselves because a sweet piece of ass MUST be hollered at (saracasm)!
An eccentric friend of mine once said rather randomly: "never fight a bum, a bum has nothing left to lose." The message was clear. Some losers take ridiculous risks because they don't care. They have nothing to care about or they are incapable of caring about anything. That is friggin' dangerous! People with values will always end up on the losing end when it comes to agressively interacting some nut-bag.
I have had MANY male friends throughout the years... absolutely zero percent of them catcalled girls on the street. Maybe it was because they were self conscious... maybe they were self conscious because they were sentient human beings.
invibe
11-24-2014, 05:27 PM
I can't recall ever "catcalling" women, but I will approach a woman that I am attracted to whenever I am not dating someone. I feel like I have a pretty good sense on how comfortable a woman is around me. I do my best to be direct about my intentions without being weird or embarrassing her. I guess my mother did a good job on that one?
It is an odd behavior for sure.
Glamourmilf
12-02-2014, 11:10 AM
I was at the atm last night, (because our mail is delivered late). I knew a bad rain storm was coming today, so I had to get my check in last night for rent.
The bank was closed, and some creep pounces in my space at the atm. Scared the crap outta me!
I pride myself at having stellar hearing, but he was just being a sneaky mofo!:O
He apologized, a little.. when I finished my business, I walked away, and he never even used the ATM!
Then, while walking home from 7/11, THAT its own set of hoodlums waiting until I started leaving, so they could walk right behind me.
I think if I didn't have my umbrella, (which was closed with a very pointy end).., they would have done something.
It was only like 8 o'clock,, but it is still dark then, so the the freaks come out earlier now that its winter.>:(
Sophia_Starina
12-04-2014, 11:54 AM
Man Viciously Attacks Woman for Refusing to Give Him Her Number
"The woman, who remains unnamed, had apparently rejected (a man's) attempts to talk to her several times. According to DNAinfo Chicago, first she refused his request for her number and then, when she began to feel uncomfortable due to his behavior and actually moved to another car, he followed her and tried to steal her phone. He also put her in a headlock. Because, again, why not? Here's a nice guy trying to get a woman's number and she just out and disrespects him in front of everyone? That's ridiculous! You don't just reject a man! You don't just say no to a random stranger who comes up and demands your number while you're minding your own business. I don't think this woman understood, like FOX News anchors did, that while bars and clubs are nice, for many men the street is their bar and club; that's where they meet women."
http://jezebel.com/man-viciously-attacks-woman-for-refusing-to-give-him-he-1666424378
Aniela
12-04-2014, 12:21 PM
I favour Fox's commentary on sm things, but this issue sure as hell ain't one of em. I didn't see their entire segment on the original link, but I saw enough of it. One of my relatives even said 'Well she posted her cup size on her online profile, & bills herself as an "actress" … so, not saying she deserves to be harassed but what does she expect?' I said 'So bc she posts those things on [what I presumed] a work-related online thing … it's perfectly ok to treat her that way? What abt Kate Winslet?' This did not go over well, esp when I brought up the fact that a lot of the guys harassing her in the video probably didn't do it bc they 'recognised that hot actress!'
The fact that she's an actress is beside the point, but it seems every person who's nvr been on the receiving end of this behaviour wants to make her profession the main point. :no:
Vackra
12-04-2014, 07:36 PM
This is why, sadly, I never leave home without my husband. Quite literally, unless I am going to work. Going to 7-11? I ask him to come with me. Going to grocery store? I ask him to come with me. All because I get hassled so much. Sad.
TransdimensionalPrincess
12-05-2014, 01:16 AM
This is why, sadly, I never leave home without my husband. Quite literally, unless I am going to work. Going to 7-11? I ask him to come with me. Going to grocery store? I ask him to come with me. All because I get hassled so much. Sad.
This is me too.
lurkingtitties
12-05-2014, 03:25 PM
I favour Fox's commentary on sm things, but this issue sure as hell ain't one of em. I didn't see their entire segment on the original link, but I saw enough of it. One of my relatives even said 'Well she posted her cup size on her online profile, & bills herself as an "actress" … so, not saying she deserves to be harassed but what does she expect?' I said 'So bc she posts those things on [what I presumed] a work-related online thing … it's perfectly ok to treat her that way? What abt Kate Winslet?' This did not go over well, esp when I brought up the fact that a lot of the guys harassing her in the video probably didn't do it bc they 'recognised that hot actress!'
The fact that she's an actress is beside the point, but it seems every person who's nvr been on the receiving end of this behaviour wants to make her profession the main point. :no:
That really bugged me too, as well as the "well she's walking around in tight clothes with her hair down, what does she expect?" comments.
Um, no. It's NYC, a world capitol for fashion. To me she looked dressy casual, or maybe like she's on her way to work at a restaurant.
audrey_k
01-28-2015, 08:00 AM
Ever since I posted that comment about British guys not catcalling, I've been catcalled like 10x, during the winter in baggy coats. Still not anything like LA, but it was like they saw my post and were like "wait! Don't say that! We can be dickheads too!"
I saw this posted on FB. Probably 100% staged but funny as fuck.
Edit: posting the link would be helpful... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/26/street-harassers-realize-women-catcalling-moms-everlast_n_6549086.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063
slowpoke
01-28-2015, 10:58 AM
http://www.itstactical.com/intellicom/mindset/3-effective-techniques-to-train-your-situational-awareness-and-recognize-change/
Selina M
01-28-2015, 05:39 PM
I thought you all would appreciate this, hahaha:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/26/street-harassers-realize-women-catcalling-moms-everlast_n_6549086.html?ncid=edlinkushpmg00000030
Don't catcall a strange woman, it might just be your mom in disguise.
she wolf
01-28-2015, 07:22 PM
You should see how Russian men approach women. Even in the West Indies omg you'd think these men have never seen a women. I was with my mom she is from there and loved the attention ... I thought they.d rape her. It's so gross I've had guys follow me in their cars, ask if I need a ride home, (south north w.e) grab me, block my path on the train. it's so creepy. I never leave the house in Chicago after 4 when it gets dark lol
kaninchen
01-28-2015, 07:47 PM
Ugh! I hate getting gas because there's always some drooling loup garou following me around the station, telling me I'm beautiful and that he loves me. And I'm considering getting a new grocery store because I've had enough of the teenage boy employees where I already shop telling me I have a gorgeous smile when I'm just trying to buy some damn apples. Please, motherfucker. I know I don't have a gorgeous smile when I'm purposefully keeping my makeup-free face in a scowl.
It's ridiculous that as women we are made to feel so uncomfortable in the most banal of public places.
Actually, the most ridiculous thing that's been happening to me lately is catcalls BY MY NEIGHBORS. The back half of my property is next to the back half of a mechanic shop's property. The guys who work there have catcalled me before, yelling "Hola guerita bonita!" and stuff, but I had my boyfriend give them a stern talking-to and I didn't hear from them for like, six months. This morning I had planned to work in my garden, but as soon as I went into my back yard, I heard "Que pasa chiquita?" and "Ayyyy mami!" I just rolled my eyes and went back inside. They yell from inside this trailer, so I can never see who's doing it. It's incredibly creepy and aggravating.
I wasn't in the mood to engage, but the next time it happens I'll go get my machete and trim some weeds. If they wanna test me then, they can!
gameover
01-28-2015, 08:35 PM
When I was younger, I went down to one of my company's plants in Mexico on business. It was a Friday, and the girls in the factory came into work all dressed up, so they could hit the bars as soon as they got off work. The factory was just light assembly. One of the pretty senioritas gave me a wolf whistle and a sexy smile as I walked by. Maybe it is because I'm blond, and that is rare down there, I don't know. But as a guy, I loved it. :)
I'm sure it gets old for women, but enjoy it while you can, or just tolerate it. This is a "problem" that will resolve itself automatically for you as you get older. You may miss it later when it stops. I was flattered though.
Aniela
01-28-2015, 08:41 PM
When I was younger, I went down to one of my company's plants in Mexico on business. It was a Friday, and the girls in the factory came into work all dressed up, so they could hit the bars as soon as they got off work. The factory was just light assembly. One of the pretty senioritas gave me a wolf whistle and a sexy smile as I walked by. Maybe it is because I'm blond, and that is rare down there, I don't know. But as a guy, I loved it. :)
I'm sure it gets old for women, but enjoy it while you can, or just tolerate it. This is a "problem" that will resolve itself automatically for you as you get older. You may miss it later when it stops. I was flattered though.
It's great that you don't find it offencive when it's done to you, but you've really got no leg to stand on telling others they should 'just tolerate it' bc you think it's no big deal. There's a fine line between flattering & offencive or even outright frightening. Must be nice that you've apparently nvr been on the receiving end of the 'non-flattering' kind of attention.
ScarletKitten
01-29-2015, 03:46 AM
To be blunt, men don't get catcalled the way women do, and it doesn't happen as often to men. So, gameover, we appreciate the sentiment, but....you just don't get it.
Enjoy it while we can???? Ummm.....NO.
I'd rather "enjoy" anal sex with a cactus.
Ugh. Men will never understand. It's infuriating. I swear to god if my bf and I ever break up, I'm becoming a lesbian, as my patience and sympathy for men in general are reaching a breaking point.
audrey_k
01-29-2015, 05:31 AM
I think what men don't get is that most of the time it's not NICE things guys say to you, you hear something really disgusting and degrading, usually about what they want to do you, and then they turn nasty. I've had guys ask me for my number and then in the same sentence, once they see they're not going to get it, tell me they wouldn't have call back after they fucked me anyway. I'm supposed to be flattered by that? No thanks. It's one thing when a guy driving by yells "hey beautiful!" and drives off, it's another thing when they're describing when they want to do to you in bed and then become threatening/aggressive when you don't respond.
And tolerate it? Why the fuck should I have to tolerate it?
Heid009
01-29-2015, 05:57 AM
I used to live next to a police station. These cops were the worst, EVERY SINGLE TIME I'd walk past they would wolf whistle and mutter and step up close to me. It was just a whole station of piggy entitled white cops. I only wish I had videod it. And there was nothing I could do, I'm always very conservatively dressed.
Aurora_Sunset
01-29-2015, 07:39 AM
Yeah, gameover, that's great that you had ONE time that this happened to you, but it was also done by a woman you were attracted to, all she did was whistle, and even if she had been ugly and more aggressive, I'm sure it's not as though you have to look at most women and feel truly intimidated that they could do something to you if you don't comply with their wishes.
But what if, instead of this one time that you got whistled at by a pretty girl, it had been every single day, week after week, month after month, that you had to go into this factory, and you were approached by 10 unattractive, burly Mexican men twice your size, going on and on about how "pretty" you were, and then following you around describing the disgusting things they wanted to do to you, and getting hostile and threatening you if you told them to back off. And then, when you went to complain to your manager about how this was an ongoing problem that was making you feel very uncomfortable and even unsafe, he brushed you off with, "You should be flattered they think you're a hot, blond American! Just enjoy it and go about your business."
I'm thinking you might not have found the situation quite so positive and flattering then.
You know what? If I was ever whistled at by a "pretty, dressed-up senorita," I'd be flattered too. But you're comparing apples and oranges here.
gameover
01-29-2015, 09:33 AM
Yeah, gameover, that's great that you had ONE time that this happened to you, but it was also done by a woman you were attracted to, all she did was whistle, and even if she had been ugly and more aggressive, I'm sure it's not as though you have to look at most women and feel truly intimated that they could do something to you if you don't comply with their wishes.
But what if, instead of this one time that you got whistled at by a pretty girl, it had been every single day, week after week, month after month, that you had to go into this factory, and you were approached by 10 unattractive, burly Mexican men twice your size, saying disgusting things to you about how "pretty" you were, and then following you around describing the disgusting things they wanted to do to you, and getting hostile and threatening you if you told them to back off. And then, when you went to complain to your manager about how this was an ongoing problem that was making you feel very uncomfortable and even unsafe, he brushed you off with, "You should be flattered they think you're a hot, blond American! Just enjoy it and go about your business."
I'm thinking you might not have found the situation quite so positive and flattering then.
You know what? If I was ever whistled at by a "pretty, dressed-up senorita," I'd be flattered too. But you're comparing apples and oranges here.
I see your point and agree with you. I've just never seen the threatening behavior you've described. I've only seen the wolf whistle or random "hey beautiful".
I believe you when you say it happens. Maybe when the cat-callers are in a pack or don't see other guys around, they get more daring and aggressive; that's kind of like typical bully behavior.
If you really have to put up with that type, I'm sorry. I've only seen the playful type. It sucks that your manager won't do anything about it.
Kellydancer
01-29-2015, 01:37 PM
Unless you've seen it, you can't judge. It's one thing if someone comes up to me and says "you're beautiful", it's another if someone says "you're beautiful and I want to fuck you so hard you little slut". or a difference between "you have nice legs" versus "you have nice legs I'd like to see them squeeze my dick". Btw I've had all of these said to me. In fact not long ago I had a guy at the library come up to me and say he thought I walked off the pages of a romance novel. I was flattered by this because he wasn't trying to date me or have sex. Most of the men who say dirty things are doing it because to them women (especially pretty women)are objects. I've had both guys by themselves and groups of guys say these things.
Vyanka
01-29-2015, 03:19 PM
Even if it's a nice compliment, strange men should really keep their mouths shut. They don't know how uncomfortable someone can feel. Some ppl don't care for attention from strangers.
It's respecting ppl's boundaries.
Kellydancer
01-29-2015, 05:23 PM
Exactly. I'm not even sure why some men do it. Some are just pigs but I think others (especially the ones who don't say anything especially nasty)are likely socially awkward. Not that I'm justifying it, I just think some men don't think. Others don't care and these are the ones who say disgusting things.