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michele11
02-09-2015, 09:11 PM
^Wtf?

Kellydancer
02-09-2015, 09:16 PM
It seems that a significant number of women conflate the concept of "alpha male" (desirable as a mate, evolution-wise) with qualities that can become abusive (controlling, jealous, easily angered, etc.). These women seem to mistake positive male qualities (shyness around women, openly communicative, quiet nature) as indicators that a male is "beta", or weak.

Blame the various groups who push this like the men's rights. Alpha man years ago used to mean the leader of the pack who generally was perhaps the smartest, most handsome etc. However, now alpha is considered (rightly or wrongly)things like abusive, a cheater, etc. I'll take a shy man over a man who is one of these types of man any day. I don't need a man to protect me, or a man to support me I can do both. However we all know that these men are getting girlfriends and wives by the various threads from women saying their SO is abusive or cheats on them.

Naida
02-09-2015, 10:52 PM
I don't think its wrong for women to have these fantasies and be turned on by something like this. To each their own. I don't think this book/movie is telling men that all women want this and now it's okay for them to do whatever they please. I think it's so popular because a lot of women may secretly have these fantasies but it's not normally talked about in the 'real world'. Now this mainstream book/movie has come out women can feed their fantasy without freaking other people out. I have these fantasies but I don't think I would ever be in a 'real' BDSM relationship.

As someone who loved The Sleeping Beauty Quartet, I am disgusted by the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Why? Because the Beauty series is pure fantasy, while the Grey series is realistic fiction that slanders a whole community while not-so-subtly endorsing abusive relationships. You want to enjoy fantasy about forced submission and abuse? I highly suggest the Beauty series, which is actually well written by a decent author.

Seriously considering standing outside theaters with leaflets that read: BDSM is consent; FSOG is abuse.

I'm a sub leaning switch and am predominantly Domme with my new partner, who is basically Ana Steele level virginal. (At least he's masturbated and understands healthy communication!) Because I've read a decent chunk of the book and his response to our first discussion about BDSM was, "like that Fifty Shades book," I've made it a point to actively discuss different plot points of the book from time to time in a non-sexual way. I want it made blatantly clear that FSOG is not BDSM and to educate him about how it really works as we explore our relationship, so that he can give informed consent and have an idea of how to discuss BDSM with others (because everyone in the community is inevitably found out by at least a handful of people) in this post-FSOG clusterfuck.
When/if we are eventually found out, I want our relationship to be a shining example of what real BDSM relationships are. Trust, consent, and communication.

Sunnylexie
02-10-2015, 10:00 AM
With all that's been said about how the book and the movie can influence the future relationships, I need to add that to someone who's been in an abusive relationship (with tricking, coercing and forcing a person into submission, manipulating them, policing their friendships and contacts, deliberately putting them in embarrassing situations and the male partner using his "Alpha personality" as an excuse for being a general asshole) both the book and the movie will be triggering as hell.

charlie61
02-10-2015, 10:27 AM
I'll admit that I'll probably end up seeing the movie - humans are curious by nature, and I'm certainly human - but you bet your ass I'll be downloading that shit illegally! I'll be very interested to see how true to the book the movie is, and I'm wondering if they'll take a healthier angle on the whole thing.

ScarletKitten
02-10-2015, 05:13 PM
Alpha males? Bull shit on this. Most women want a man who treats them well whether he is a beta or alpha. I'll chose a beta but then again I don't need a man who will control me, I am able to take care of myself.

Have you ever studied other mammals in the animal kingdom? Have you ever watched the Discovery Channel? The females usually are attracted to the alpha male. I don't think you know what the term "alpha male" even means. It does NOT mean a male who is abusive or controlling. My man IS NOT abusive or controlling. He is sweet, gentle, understanding, and treats me like a QUEEN. He is an alpha male because he knows how to fight and protect himself and me. Also, he has taught me self-defense. So, because of him, I am able to take care of myself as well.

Alpha male: leader of the pack; the male who is able to fight off any threat to the pack; the leader of security; the strong, protective one.

charlie61
02-10-2015, 05:51 PM
^Yeah, I think some miscommunication happened here more because the term is used incorrectly in our culture. Like I said on the last page, people conflate the concept of "alpha male" with a number of very negative qualities (that humans should strive to evolve beyond).

Kellydancer
02-10-2015, 06:13 PM
Go back and read my post again. I'll just copy and paste this part I wrote:

"My bf/husband of 8 years is an alpha male. But the key difference is that he never lays a finger on me, nor tries to dominate me at all (outside the bedroom anyway) - but if there is a threat when we go out, I can count on him to kick some ass if need be. He has also taught me some self defense moves in case I'm ever alone and he's not there."

Have you ever studied other mammals in the animal kingdom? Have you ever watched the Discovery Channel? The females usually are attracted to the alpha male. I don't think you know what the term "alpha male" even means. It does NOT mean a male who is abusive or controlling. My man IS NOT abusive or controlling. He is sweet, gentle, understanding, and treats me like a QUEEN. He is an alpha male because he knows how to fight and protect himself and me. Also, he has taught me self-defense. So, because of him, I am able to take care of myself as well.

Alpha male: leader of the pack; the male who is able to fight off any threat to the pack; the leader of security; the strong, protective one.

Women who know how to protect themselves do not need a man to protect them. I know how to fight so nope don't care about that at all. Yes I do know what alpha is, I have watched animal planet. Humans are supposed to be more evolved than other animals. Actually if a man is busy "protecting" a woman it means he's probably getting into fights. No thanks, I'll stick to quiet shy men.

ScarletKitten
02-10-2015, 06:31 PM
^^ Humans are SUPPOSED to be more evolved than other animals. But are they? Evidence is showing me that humans are not as evolved as they think they are. Humans are basically chimps who build skyscrapers and reverse-engineer alien technology.

Also, my husband doesn't go around looking for fights. As a matter of fact, he despises fights. But if someone holds us up at gunpoint to try to rob us, for example, he's not going to just stand there and let it happen.

/end thread jack

charlie61
02-10-2015, 06:40 PM
Ooooohhhhhhhmmmmmmm...

ScarletKitten
02-10-2015, 06:44 PM
Good thinking, Charlie!

40642

Time for me to step back and relax. I didn't mean to come off as aggressive, sorry. I think I need to have a cup of herbal tea, lol :)

Djoser
02-10-2015, 07:17 PM
^^ Humans are SUPPOSED to be more evolved than other animals. But are they? Evidence is showing me that humans are not as evolved as they think they are. Humans are basically chimps who build skyscrapers and reverse-engineer alien technology.



One of the best posts I have seen yet on SW. I was just discussing this with some friends on Facebook, as it pertains to 'Speciesism', which justifies things like the infliction of horrible torture on chimpanzees and other animals in the interest of medical science. We are for the most part a bunch of chimps in fancy clothes and automobiles. Strip the average human naked and deprive them of all kitchen appliances, etc., they will be grubbing for roots in no time. And most people are functionally illiterate, as the apparent literary style of FSOG would indicate.

And I agree with your definition of the more benevolent Alpha Male type, & understand the appeal. No reason a man trained to kill anyone who fucks with his loved ones can't be polite & considerate otherwise. Sad to say, it has been my experience that the majority of women in the industry (though certainly not the majority of SW members) wouldn't recognize a real gentleman or know what to do with him if he were wrapped in 24 carat gold foil. They flock to the malignant type Alphas in droves.

Of course it doesn't help much that most male staff are a bunch of ignorant, abusive assholes.

I also liked the intro to the Laci Green video that Audritwo posted. A rich powerful CEO in fantastic physical condition that goes for a dumpy housewife type? Ha! But then the plots of most male oriented porn videos are equally absurd...

:D

Kellydancer
02-10-2015, 09:48 PM
^^ Humans are SUPPOSED to be more evolved than other animals. But are they? Evidence is showing me that humans are not as evolved as they think they are. Humans are basically chimps who build skyscrapers and reverse-engineer alien technology.

Also, my husband doesn't go around looking for fights. As a matter of fact, he despises fights. But if someone holds us up at gunpoint to try to rob us, for example, he's not going to just stand there and let it happen.

/end thread jack

I would hope anyone wouldn't just stand there if someone holds them up. It's why I support carrying guns and have dated men who carry them. People are supposed to be evolved, though I know quite a few who aren't (and those are people I avoid).

HaydenBlue
02-12-2015, 04:03 AM
Women (or men) can want/participate in playing out a rape fantasy, blood play, choking, beating, whipping, etc, etc. The line in the sand is consent. Clear, sober, consent. If two people D/s, get together and want to cut off the /s foot and they've both consented to it then fantastic. They can do whatever they want between themselves and it's all good as long as it's consensual. If not? No go.

50 Shades glorifies manipulation, stalking, being a douche bag and being a doormat. But then again this was based off of Twilight...and that was the message it sent to young girls too. But I don't remember such a big fuss over that as much as it's been over 50 shades.

On one hand I'm happy that this is coming in the spotlight, we've been far too prudish with sex and I like that FSOG has opened people up to feeling more comfortable talking about sex and BDSM.

I will be seeing it (don't stone me, lol). My best friend, who is super shy re:anything-sex said she wanted to go see it and I said I'd go. She knows I'm in a D/s relationship and I tell her some things about it - she's been more curious about kink. So I'm going to go see it with her, set her straight about the consent part and if she has any questions about it, I'll answer and point her in the right direction.

I'm not going to shut someone down for going to see the movie or reading the books - I'm thrilled that people are more open about it vs. "ew gross. / thats a sin blah blah" and the more that people are open to discussion the more you can point them in the right direction about it. And hopefully soon, we'll get something out there in the mainstream that is pro-consent.

One issue I have tho, is with that damn author. I saw her in an interview, the host asks her about scenes from the book, and her own inspiration, favorite scenes, etc. This woman turns red, giggles and says "Oh, no. I can't talk about that." Bitch you wrote like a full page in detail about a dude yanking out a tampon from your main character's cunt because he was so turned on he needed to have her right then n' there. Too late to start back-pedaling into being sexually coy. It's like people who gesture to their crotch and call it their "down there place" or "my no-no zone" NO. YOU ARE NOT 5. YOU ARE AN ADULT. USE ADULT WORDS. YOU CAN BE SEXUAL. Cunt. Cock. Pussy. Dick. Pick one. Grrr. #peeved. /soap box


Alternative books that are way more awesome than 50 shades IMO:

- The Beauty Trilogy
- Story of O
- As She's Told (my fav)


Also, can we just hand out copies of the Secretary DVD instead? I wish this movie was the one that went viral instead of 50 shades :( The original Mr. Grey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmSO07r_zTc

miss.a.p1600
02-12-2015, 07:34 AM
I am glad you all posted this thread.

I just saw the trailer to fifty shades of gray and figured it would be a steamy movie and piqued my interest. Then I came here and saw this thread.

I have not read the books nor did I realize that the bdsm in the movie could be construed as abuse against women.

As someone who used to be more on the subservient and submissive side in relationships, I can see where it Would be easy for the line to cross into abuse especially if there isn't respect.

Well i want to check out the movie just out of curiosity but like mentioned before it's just fantasy and will be taking what I see with a grain of salt.

chickchick8182
02-12-2015, 08:14 AM
I read the books, they were an easy, light read. I don't know that I see the books and movie encouraging women to be a part of abusive relationships. I agree with a previous poster, that it's similar to blaming violent video games for violent behavior in teenagers. It's an interesting point of view though. When I read them, I honestly didn't take it all that seriously. I will admit that I have absolutely zero experience with BDSM. Doesn't float my boat, and while reading the books often rolled my eyes at his over the top controlling behavior. It probably speaks volumes about my own psyche, but I could never give over that kind of control or trust to one person as displayed in the book. I need to be in control to be comfortable. It annoyed me that the control aspect was throughout pretty much her entire life. I found myself asking if the main character had an opinion about anything. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either. By the third book, I got really tired of the sex scenes.

One thing I do think this book is doing, is giving a false account of a BDSM relationship. As I said before I have no experience and little knowledge of that lifestyle, but from reading here on SW it seems to be vastly different. As someone who's only knowledge of BDSM has come from the book trilogy, I can see where it can give some men and women a skewed view on it.

I'll most likely see the movie. It'll probably suck, but I'm curious.

Naida
02-12-2015, 09:21 AM
Just something I should quickly point out: Ana Steele's apparent harlequin idea of romance. I have not actually read a portion of the book specifically conveying that, but it's something that frequently pops up in the analyses of it. I bring this up for two reasons. 1) Combining this delusional idea (not just fantasy) of romance with many other aspects of her personality (or lack thereof), I honestly do not believe she is even emotionally mature enough to consent. 2) It was featured in her character because it's a common trope with fire under its smoke. Apparently, a lot of women with the "I can fix him" mentality (and the majority of abused women I've known) subscribe to this delusional idea of true love.

This harlequin obsession is certainly real, so much so that it's featured in this book. Do you honestly expect me to believe that this book (despite being ragged on by dissenters, just like harlequins) isn't going to have an effect on at least some of the readers? When was the last time a harlequin garnered such a movement that a movie was made about it? Unlike the teenagers and video games argument, this book is reinforcing crap that women are already consistently exposed to.

Optimist
02-12-2015, 09:34 AM
Just a friendly reminder to NOT go see the soon-to-be-released movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. If you buy tickets to this movie, you're indirectly supporting the glamorization of abusive relationships and violence against women. There is an enormous difference between a healthy BDSM relationship (http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2013/08/12/whats-wrong-with-50-shades-of-grey-and-what-you-should-know-about-bdsm) and what is portrayed in FSOG.


Also, be on the lookout for signs that your friends and loved ones might be stuck in emotionally or physically abusive relationships. One in every four women (http://www.safevoices.org/statistics.php) you meet has been or will be involved in an abusive relationship at some point in her life. Educate yourselves on how to support them (http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/how-to-help-a-friend-who-is-being-abused.html).


On that same note, be aware that it is highly likely that even pre-teen girls and boys are being exposed to this 'education' on relationship dynamics (as well as the unhealthy dynamics portrayed in Twilight (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychologist-the-movies/201111/relationship-violence-in-twilight)). It is never too early (http://healthfinder.gov/HealthTopics/Category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-with-your-teen-about-healthy-relationships) to begin teaching children about how to recognize the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, though the approach will differ depending on the child's age.


If you have $10+ burning a hole in your pocket, use your money to instead make a donation to a battered women's shelter (http://www.womenshelters.org/).

ONE MORE THING: Abuse happens to males as well. I have a dear relative who has been in two VERY abusive relationships with psycho-bitches. They have put him in the hospital! Please don't shame a man who has been through this. Don't minimize the pain, defeatism, and loss of self esteem they suffer. It's not about "Be a Man" so much as being about too much self sacrifice, too much guilt.

MEN - violent women are not 'cute' and they aren't 'just playing'. It's ok to protect yourself and your kids. It's ok to get supportive counseling and document the abuse for your safety against malicious/wrongful prosecution. You can't help a bully.

Optimist
02-12-2015, 10:28 AM
One issue I have tho, is with that damn author. I saw her in an interview, the host asks her about scenes from the book, and her own inspiration, favorite scenes, etc. This woman turns red, giggles and says "Oh, no. I can't talk about that." Bitch you wrote like a full page in detail about a dude yanking out a tampon from your main character's cunt because he was so turned on he needed to have her right then n' there. Too late to start back-pedaling into being sexually coy. It's like people who gesture to their crotch and call it their "down there place" or "my no-no zone" NO. YOU ARE NOT 5. YOU ARE AN ADULT. USE ADULT WORDS. YOU CAN BE SEXUAL. Cunt. Cock. Pussy. Dick. Pick one. Grrr. #peeved. /soap box



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmSO07r_zTc

YESSSS Women going along with society's infantalization/war against our sexual expression is irritating. You wrote it, bitch! OWN THAT SHIT!!
EMBRACE YOUR VAGINA!

Kellydancer
02-12-2015, 10:54 AM
ONE MORE THING: Abuse happens to males as well. I have a dear relative who has been in two VERY abusive relationships with psycho-bitches. They have put him in the hospital! Please don't shame a man who has been through this. Don't minimize the pain, defeatism, and loss of self esteem they suffer. It's not about "Be a Man" so much as being about too much self sacrifice, too much guilt.

MEN - violent women are not 'cute' and they aren't 'just playing'. It's ok to protect yourself and your kids. It's ok to get supportive counseling and document the abuse for your safety against malicious/wrongful prosecution. You can't help a bully.

Agreed. I know men who were in abusive relationships too and that's not acceptable either. In most of my relationships I have been the dominant one but that's my personality. I don't do submissive at all but that doesn't mean that I should be abusive if he doesn't agree with me. When I did online dating one guy was dominant and by this he meant he was the leader (or rather lord)and if a woman disagreed he had the right to berate her and even smack her. That's not healthy.

emma383
02-12-2015, 12:02 PM
“Secretary” was good, way better then“Fifty Shades Of Grey” in many levels. When I first saw it, just saying I thought it was pretty damn hot. ;)


http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/reasons-to-watch-secretary-before-you-watch-fifty-shades#.ijQy05QJ4

charlie61
02-12-2015, 12:16 PM
Yeah, I'm a huge fan of Secretary, too. Maggie Gyllenhaal nailed that role.

Vamp
02-12-2015, 01:56 PM
Personally I think the reason many see this as abuse is because EL James cant write her way out of a paper bag. She is great at creating characters and even plots. Yet when she tries to convey those ideas to page they get lost in her choice of words and grammer. When those poorly written passages are taken out of context they look even more horrifying.

For example, the "rape scene" many websites have sited. To me, within the context of the story and BDSM, I took it as him punishing her by not allowing her to cum.
But if you have no experiance with BDSM or the concept, because it is written so poorly, yes I can see why someone might see it as rape.

I love the fact Ana is constantly pushing back against him. She doesnt just accept his issues and manipulations. She is learning about her own boundaries and how to maintain them. As the books progress she becomes stronger in her self esteem. Too often in books and films women are just stereotyped. They are written with little to no progress of identity. They are the bitch, the virgin, the cheer leader, etc and they stay that through out the story. Here you have a character that changes from insecure college student to a confident woman by book 3.

The only place I see abuse is because alot of Grey's bdsm seems to come from his anger. He gets angry he spanks or punishes. Which is something that is NEVER done in bdsm.
Bdsm is about experiancing intenisty. Bdsm is not a way to deal with emotions. Ana blows up at him (not sure which book) for never dealing with anything by discussing it with her but just try to control everything. None of this happens in a vaccum. She doesnt accept it. He in turns is forced to learn how to deal with things directly, even his own dysfunctional childhood, because he loves her. But that doesnt happen until book 2.

This film was written and directed by women. Which is so rare in Hollywood that you could count on one hand the times it has happened.
For that reason I will go to see the movie in the theater.

sophianz
02-12-2015, 02:07 PM
The whole thing will be a fad for 6 months and then the pack will move onto the next.
Hopefully those who do try to bring the fantasy into their own bedrooms will do the research like they should in order to do it safely.

I went to the movie last night as I am often asked about it in interviews I do with the media etc, felt like I should have a balanced view of it.

OHHHH WOW...terrible.

I would go as far to say it was one of the worst movies I have seen, completely under developed characters and story.
Just super lame overall.

My only real concern with a "safety" aspect is younger viewers and their ability to navigate a D/S relationship without losing every shred of themselves in the process.

The amount of "real life" versions of 50 shades I have seen does make me sad, very young girls with always much older wealthy men who literally want to beat the living fuck out of them.
They are of course totally out of their depth and the guys know it.

of couse its up to them what they "consent" to, and not ALL of these type relationships are unhealthy but watching this play out on a screen and in real life are often two different things.

Vamp
02-12-2015, 02:22 PM
The rich dominant alpha male trope is HUGE in romance and erotica, it's not just 50 Shades. For whatever reason, many women love reading that kind of stuff. Rape fantasies/dubious consent is also very popular. Is it problematic? Probably, yeah. I'm not gonna get into the complex reasons WHY women like it, but they do. Should we shame them for indulging in their fantasies? I don't think so.

I think it's a little paternalistic to want to police what kind of fantasies women are allowed to have, and as a result, the media that is created to meet that demand. I highly doubt that women are gonna see this movie and then decide that they want to be abused. Or that men will watch it and start treating women like shit because Christian Grey does it. Those who DO were probably already a bit messed up to begin with. (Which is why I brought up violence in videogames-- if GTA or whatever influences a kid to go shoot up his school, that kid was already mentally disturbed to begin with).

It's one thing to think Christian Grey's behavior in a fictional book/movie is sexy and hot, it's another thing to actually want to experience that kind of abuse IRL from your SO. I find the idea of being gang-banged rough and hard by 10 guys to be super hot but I do NOT want to experience it IRL. It's just a fantasy.

The arguments against 50 shades could easily be brought up against the sex industry and what WE do. Porn and strip clubs DO contribute to the objectification of women and rape culture. Should we be held responsible for the adverse effects it has on society? Should we stop what we're doing and try to ban porn or shut down strip clubs?

This is a great point.

How many sexual fantasies are played out in the media and yet defended as just fantasy? Yet female sexual fantasies may destroy society if they dont involve a prince and happily ever after.

Hell the ID channel terrifies me more than 50 shades.

Every single show talks about a murder or crime that actually happened. The narrative is always the same....The women are always to blame whether victim or murderer. (unless there is a black guy or goth kid involved)

ID channel "He was a hard working man." "He loved her and had good reason to kill her because she cheated on him." Actual quote from last week. Reality: He was an obsessive compulsive stalker who used his job to get away with his harassment. Law enforcement did nothing. Then he murdered his victim because she didnt want to have anything to do with his abuse.

This channel is pumped into countless homes every single day. How many abusive men are encouraged by this? How many children internalize it?
Yet no one says anything. But some how a fictional story that is viewed once on a movie screen is a worse influence?

michele11
02-12-2015, 03:45 PM
This is a great point.

How many sexual fantasies are played out in the media and yet defended as just fantasy? Yet female sexual fantasies may destroy society if they dont involve a prince and happily ever after.

Hell the ID channel terrifies me more than 50 shades.

Every single show talks about a murder or crime that actually happened. The narrative is always the same....The women are always to blame whether victim or murderer. (unless there is a black guy or goth kid involved)

ID channel "He was a hard working man." "He loved her and had good reason to kill her because she cheated on him." Actual quote from last week. Reality: He was an obsessive compulsive stalker who used his job to get away with his harassment. Law enforcement did nothing. Then he murdered his victim because she didnt want to have anything to do with his abuse.

This channel is pumped into countless homes every single day. How many abusive men are encouraged by this? How many children internalize it?
Yet no one says anything. But some how a fictional story that is viewed once on a movie screen is a worse influence?

I love the I.D. I watch it every night because nothing else is on and I like real life murder mysteries. Am I a weirdo. Lol. NO I know I'm not going to go out and do these things. Shows like american greed are seriously detrimental. They pretty much give you a written handbook on how to commit white collar crime and get away with it and why not if you do get any time it's usually 2-4 years . Watch the one with the guy who calls himself" blacksican". You have to see it to believe it....

Vyanka
02-12-2015, 04:14 PM
I love watching I.D. too. I think it's bc it makes me wonder wtf was that person thinking/into. Watching one of those shows, I actually saw an episode about someone I met in the past who committed murder with his wife. Yikes! He was an ex's acquaintance. I love watching Lock Up too. Those eye tattoo freaks.

charlie61
02-12-2015, 04:19 PM
The whole thing will be a fad for 6 months and then the pack will move onto the next.

Goodness, I hope so. I'm always concerned when something comes out like this and contributes to the "cultural conversation" about rape politics, gender politics, women's sexuality, etc. I'm not worried about the intellectual folks out there who can and do speak up for themselves in relationships. I think stuff like this can actually be very positive for these groups (clearly - we're having a blast dissecting it on SW). I'm much more concerned about groups like teenagers (both girls and boys), women who struggle to advocate for themselves in relationships, people who don't have the capacity or desire to examine FSOG critically, etc.

I have one friend who isn't the brightest bulb in the closet (though she has many other strengths), and her reaction to that book coming out was "Maybe that's how I can improve my relationship...maybe if I become completely subservient to him, things will be better..." She's an incredibly strong woman in so many ways, but she's already in a semi-emotionally abusive relationship with someone who doesn't treat her well, and she saw "BDSM" as a potential 'solution' to her problem. Yikes! O_o

ScarletKitten
02-12-2015, 04:29 PM
^^ Wow, that's scary. Have you tried telling her that is not a good idea? Like I said, women need to empower themselves worldwide. Women have been kept down & controlled on this planet for centuries now. We're now in the new age - the Female Empowerment age!!!

I hope your friend realizes eventually that her idea is a bad one.

charlie61
02-12-2015, 04:52 PM
^^ Wow, that's scary. Have you tried telling her that is not a good idea? Like I said, women need to empower themselves worldwide. Women have been kept down & controlled on this planet for centuries now. We're now in the new age - the Female Empowerment age!!!

I hope your friend realizes eventually that her idea is a bad one.

Yeah... I was honestly stunned that such a clearly misguided thought could enter her li'l head. I thought she was kidding at first! But that's the kind of stuff that worries me when it comes to FSOG.

SweetJulia
02-13-2015, 03:21 PM
Has anyone had a chance to see it? I don't even know if I'd want to.......like something that sexual, in a dark theater full of strangers? I'm kinda shy, may just download if I decide to watch it. If I end up hating it, feel free to say you guys told me so.

michele11
02-13-2015, 04:14 PM
^ The reviewers say it sucks. They say sex scenes in some series( can't remember ) where better. The lead female is Mellonie Grifith and Don Johnsons daughter btw.

sarah101
02-13-2015, 09:59 PM
A woman is taking the author to court over a “Fifty Shades of Grey” personal lubricant she bought, but she says doesn't work.

http://www.salon.com/2015/02/09/woma...ive_lubricant/

That whole lawsuit rubs me the wrong way!

The reviews have been brutal for Shades:

Presumably the sequels will explore forbidden taboos like "character development" and "plot."

Who would have imagined that a movie about sex could be so boring?

I guess what I found to be so surprising is how a movie about weird, erotic, passionate sex could wind up being so dull.

The best they can do for dirty talk sounds like 'wear the panties your mother laid out for you.'

If you want to see an adult movie about sex see "Nymphomaniac", love it or hate it you won't forget it!

22lligm
02-14-2015, 08:16 PM
I saw the movie yesterday and it wasn't that great. My friend and I were both over it towards the end lol. Nothing in it was too crazy though either. We went during matinee prices so I'm glad it wasn't normal priced. The end was so cut off someone in the theater said "that's it?" lol. I loved the soundtrack though!

Half Empty
02-15-2015, 02:49 PM
Looks like we know who is going to see Magic Mike XXL! :P



Being in the kink scene for most of my adult life, I can say I've seen straight up abuse relationships. These abusers don't understand or respect consent. No means No. That's why its best to not push someones limits unless the receiver is comfortable and willing to try. Since this book has been released, I've seen more. It's scary and the community does it's best to educate new commers.

If you want to get into the kink scene, or learn more, read this book: http://www.amazon.com/BDSM-101-Rev-Jen/dp/1620877996

Here is also I site with the basics: http://bdsm-101.com/

BDSM is dirty, sexy, and fun! When done right!


If you are interested in meeting people in your local kinkscene, check out FetLife.com! Look up your county or city. Go to a munch! It's usually in a normal public place.

I dunno about referring people to FetLife, lol. As a long-time kinkster, I don't even use my account anymore and neither do many of the people I associate with. Lot's of bad people and bad information there. A lot of good stuff too, but it's kind of a free-for-all.

Forget the relationship angle - the books were just horrible on their face. The fact that writing like that becomes a best seller speaks volumes about how stupid our population has become. Glamorizing a horrible dynamic is just icing on the cake. Part of me wants to rail against it and speak up and help people understand what's wrong with it - and part of me thinks that anyone who reads that drivel in the first place - and then decides it's a good idea to model their life after it - probably deserves what they get.

Half Empty
02-15-2015, 02:54 PM
Just refer everyone to "The Secretary" and call it good. ;)

Naida
02-15-2015, 03:53 PM
I dunno about referring people to FetLife, lol. As a long-time kinkster, I don't even use my account anymore and neither do many of the people I associate with. Lot's of bad people and bad information there. A lot of good stuff too, but it's kind of a free-for-all.

Omg, a million times this. I don't even have a FetLife account because of how many poseurs use the site. When TSR still had an active forum, I found it to be a much better resource. But I can't damn FetLife as a whole because there really are some proper Doms and subs that use it. One of my most experienced Dom friends uses it to stay in touch with other scene friends and keep up with nearby munches. According to him, the number of faux Doms (and, to a lesser extent, ignorant or outright faux subs) has increased at a ridiculous rate since FSOG became popular.

ScarletKitten
02-15-2015, 07:01 PM
If I hear one more reference to this piece of shit book/movie again, I'm gonna scream. I had some dumbass customer last night ask me, "You're into the 50 shades of grey" thing, aren't you?

I was like, "Whhhaaattt? HELL NO! I hate that stupid shit! Don't say that to me again!"

LOL. Fun fact: I naturally attract dominant males b/c I guess I give off a slight sub vibe. But really, I'd rather be a dom myself.

Naida
02-15-2015, 07:14 PM
Ugh, a customer asked about it?! That's just fucking creepy!

simone87
02-15-2015, 07:45 PM
my regular texted me last night telling me about how he went to see it with his wife, and how he thought i looked just like the main female character and how many "ideas" it gave him and how hot it was. uuggghhh, *cringe* i mean really? now I'm gonna have to set him straight on any "ideas" he might have gotten

lynn2009
02-15-2015, 07:48 PM
A guy and I went into a sex store last night after a v-day date and they had 50 shades bullshit everywhere I was so pissed.

michele11
02-15-2015, 08:23 PM
Just refer everyone to "The Secretary" and call it good. ;)

I saw this and did like it but it was not a healthy relationship. Nor does it make a good reference.

charlie61
02-15-2015, 09:53 PM
I saw this and did like it but it was not a healthy relationship. Nor does it make a good reference.

Yeah. It's a sexy movie that has far more character development and a FAR healthier relationship setup, but it too would benefit from some BDSM etiquette cleanup. Still, I think it was ahead of its time, and it did a far better job of representing that community than this FSOG bullshit has.

Representation is really fucking important. When something has been represented 1000 times, one more example hardly hits anyone's radar. But when something has only been represented a handful of times, it's much more important to portray that subject carefully (for example, movies about sex workers, BDSM, LGBT, etc.).

Like, as an asexual who has almost 0 representation in the media, I'd be absolutely irate if some blockbuster came out that didn't represent my small community fairly or accurately. Whereas if you're a straight person, and another romantic comedy flop hits theaters, it doesn't matter. Because there are 100 better movies out there, and people have already come to understand heterosexuality. There's nothing to take personally.

charlie61
02-15-2015, 09:54 PM
^Does tipsy Charlie make any sense? Someone kiss meh! :-*

Unkle Fuzzy
02-15-2015, 10:15 PM
Mmmmwah! XOXOXO :P:P:P

My teenage daughter and her boyfreind saw it. Said it blows big time.

I've frankly never found S&M or B&D, to be attractive to me.:O Nothing more than a little tickling, possibly light nipping with the teeth has ever been a turn on to me.::)

A little harmless "play" to add excitement, but pain? or fear?.... No, I don't think so.>:(

Frankly the most "forcefull" I have ever been, has been resistant to backing off on oral once my partner starts to climax. I really like to make her squirm....8)

charlie61
02-15-2015, 10:26 PM
Mmmmwah! XOXOXO

Yer fuzz is getting in the way of my private drunken fantasy makeout sesh with all my SW crushes.

:P

Unkle Fuzzy
02-15-2015, 10:53 PM
I sorry. Fuzzy go now....(hangs head, and sulks off into the darkness)

Unkle Fuzzy
02-15-2015, 11:24 PM
Thank you.

Fuzzys wuv hugs.

joeree
02-16-2015, 09:17 AM
such strong opinions here about 50sofg

michele11
02-16-2015, 10:27 AM
Yeah. It's a sexy movie that has far more character development and a FAR healthier relationship setup, but it too would benefit from some BDSM etiquette cleanup. Still, I think it was ahead of its time, and it did a far better job of representing that community than this FSOG bullshit has.

Representation is really fucking important. When something has been represented 1000 times, one more example hardly hits anyone's radar. But when something has only been represented a handful of times, it's much more important to portray that subject carefully (for example, movies about sex workers, BDSM, LGBT, etc.).

Like, as an asexual who has almost 0 representation in the media, I'd be absolutely irate if some blockbuster came out that didn't represent my small community fairly or accurately. Whereas if you're a straight person, and another romantic comedy flop hits theaters, it doesn't matter. Because there are 100 better movies out there, and people have already come to understand heterosexuality. There's nothing to take personally.

I think most people know it's fiction and I think most the people who are seeing it aren't seeing it to learn about BDSM. It's kinda like when Italian people were all " jersey shore makes us look like asshole". Or reference anything else. My daughter as you know is an asexual , pansexual. She read the book as a joke ( she didn't tell me she told my mother). I