View Full Version : how long have you been single?
charlie61
05-11-2015, 05:23 PM
#becausewemakesureourwomenfinishfirst. ::buttons suit:: ::straightens power tie::
My joke was funnier, but you win for the women finish first comment. Touche! :)
OliveJardin
05-12-2015, 11:33 AM
There are still guys like me who open doors, send flowers for no reason, keep texts to re-read when we miss you, and only want the chance to make you feel safe and respected.
^Where?! I wants names and numbers ;)...
charlie61
05-12-2015, 12:19 PM
^Where?! I wants names and numbers ;)...
They're usually the ones with comb overs and really thick glasses IME.
RoxyLee
05-12-2015, 12:45 PM
Oh wow! There's so many of you singles out there! It's not just me. I moved to Phoenix area a year ago and I haven't met anyone. There are so many guys who are douchebags, REALLY boring, baby mama drama, not attractive, party boys(who are way too old to be acting like frat boys), etc. I am a loner by nature and that doesn't help. I would like to meet someone and be monogamous, but I have no desire to meet his family(EVER) and pair off for the rest of my life. I dated some guys and they get pissed off when I don't want to meet their parents. I don't do well with other peoples family members. I don't wish them harm, but I don't care about them either. And I haven't found anyone that is worth having a fling with. I'll be alone forever!!!
kaninchen
05-12-2015, 01:29 PM
I hope this isn't an ass-y thing to say in this thread, but I haven't ever been single. Not because I'm lucky or whatever though, I just literally don't know how to be alone. Obviously, in my neediness, I've latched onto countless ridiculous jerks to avoid being a singleton. How do you all do it? Is it difficult? Is it scary? What's it like?
xxxGothBarbie
05-12-2015, 02:21 PM
I hope this isn't an ass-y thing to say in this thread, but I haven't ever been single. Not because I'm lucky or whatever though, I just literally don't know how to be alone. Obviously, in my neediness, I've latched onto countless ridiculous jerks to avoid being a singleton. How do you all do it? Is it difficult? Is it scary? What's it like?
^ Honestly, it's not being an ass, it's being real. I ,myself have done the same for the last few years & up until now I'm realizing that I am better off alone until I find the right person to mesh with. I found myself dating losers bc I was lonely & a couple of them turned out to be pretty abusive to say the least :/ It's not easy let me tell you! I broke up with my last abusive partner about a week ago after going back to him repeatedly on nothing but empty promises. I put my foot down since then & have welcomed the single life with open arms. The longest I was ever single was prob a good year & a half & it was just when I was getting used to being solo that I met a guy that took care of me for awhile then left me without any closure.
RoxyLee
05-12-2015, 02:46 PM
I hope this isn't an ass-y thing to say in this thread, but I haven't ever been single. Not because I'm lucky or whatever though, I just literally don't know how to be alone. Obviously, in my neediness, I've latched onto countless ridiculous jerks to avoid being a singleton. How do you all do it? Is it difficult? Is it scary? What's it like?
I can't be with someone for the sake of being with someone. I'm easily annoyed by a lot of people and drama. As I get older, I don't have the patience for putting up with shit that has no meaning to me and it's really hard for me to fake emotions in my personal life. When it comes to money...I can put on a happy face for the sake of money.
Aurora_Sunset
05-12-2015, 05:08 PM
I hope this isn't an ass-y thing to say in this thread, but I haven't ever been single. Not because I'm lucky or whatever though, I just literally don't know how to be alone. Obviously, in my neediness, I've latched onto countless ridiculous jerks to avoid being a singleton. How do you all do it? Is it difficult? Is it scary? What's it like?
I can't be with someone for the sake of being with someone. I'm easily annoyed by a lot of people and drama. As I get older, I don't have the patience for putting up with shit that has no meaning to me and it's really hard for me to fake emotions in my personal life. When it comes to money...I can put on a happy face for the sake of money.
I am the same way as RoxyLee. I can pretend to like people for work, but not in my personal life. If I don't want to be with someone 100%, I will feel physically ill until I'm away from them. In that way, being single isn't even so much a "choice" as something I am by default most of the time because I cannot be with someone that I don't actually really like.
Being single can be lonely sometimes, but I've never considered it very difficult or scary. I know I have friends I could call if I really needed something, and I've never been averse to doing pretty much anything on my own, like going to restaurants, movies, traveling, whatever. I've been mostly on my own, so it was just a decision I made early on where I was like "why the fuck would I sit at home and not do this thing I want to do just cuz no one is available to go with me?" and I got used to it very quickly.
EastCoastDancer01
05-12-2015, 06:01 PM
I can't be with someone for the sake of being with someone. I'm easily annoyed by a lot of people and drama. As I get older, I don't have the patience for putting up with shit that has no meaning to me and it's really hard for me to fake emotions in my personal life. When it comes to money...I can put on a happy face for the sake of money.
I'm also the same way as you. I have been putting on a happy face for the sake of money for so many years as a dancer. I just can not do that in my personal life. It would drain the fuck out of me if I tried. Plus, I have had so many bad relationships that were bad because I rushed into them, just for the sake of being with somebody. I tried faking it to see if I could make it work out and boy was that a big mistake! Faking it just makes it worse. I would much rather be single than have to deal with drama and bullshit that comes from being with the wrong person. Being single isnt bad or scary, it can be very empowering and teach you a lot about yourself. It can also be fun, getting to treat yourself to all your favorite things without having to worry about anyone else. Its good to be selfish sometimes and have your freedom.
Bahuba
05-13-2015, 03:26 AM
You guys know men 10x better than we do, but I will say dudes tend to be single at low points. People blame women for being mercenary but men who are at a low point are less in-charge, less masculine, even less healthy. It's probably hard to be the person who gets him through it.
Conversely, when he's doing well, the temptation is to be less dedicated to one partner. Numerous guys I know who are doing well have more than person with whom they are "relating".
It seems like it's best to have a person you can be friends with, from what I've seen
Aurora_Sunset
05-13-2015, 09:22 AM
You guys know men 10x better than we do, but I will say dudes tend to be single at low points. People blame women for being mercenary but men who are at a low point are less in-charge, less masculine, even less healthy. It's probably hard to be the person who gets him through it.
Conversely, when he's doing well, the temptation is to be less dedicated to one partner. Numerous guys I know who are doing well have more than person with whom they are "relating".
Thank you for this honest insight. A friend of mine basically said the same thing regarding single guys a few weeks ago, and it made a lot of sense, so it's nice to get a guy's perspective on it. When we were talking about the whole "women don't like nice guys" debate, she said, ""No - women like nice guys, they want nice guys.... But they want nice guys who also have self confidence and have their shit together. And, unfortunately, when it comes to guys, it seems like you either get one or the other: a guy who has self-confidence but this is expressed as him being a dick who mistreats and uses women because he's so full of himself that he thinks 'he can always get someone better' - or a guy who is really nice and sweet, but thinks he's a worthless piece of shit, and being insecure and bitter is not sexy or attractive."
She apparently met her husband at a "low point" and, despite her above musings, will sometimes try to use that as an argument about why I should give one of our very messed up mutual friends "a chance," but I kinda call bullshit on that. As a woman, I am constantly preached to about how neediness, insecurity, and bitterness are like the kiss of death upon my attractiveness to men. But... as a woman, when I am questioned as to why I'm not attracted to certain men who are into me, if I give the reasons that they are too needy, obviously insecure, and/or obnoxiously bitter about women - I am suddenly "shallow," "insensitive to the heartbreaks of his past," and "don't like nice guys?" ::)
Come on.... It's not attractive, and it's too damn hard, and not my responsibility, to "fix" someone's shattered perceptions... the same way it is when a woman acts that way and then can't get a guy who's ok with "fixing/soothing" her. It goes both ways. I can be the greatest, most loyal and honest date in the world, and - TRUST ME - it does not magically and instantly fix someone who is bitter and paranoid and oppressively down about themselves. And constantly demanding that someone deal with your neuroses and "prove themselves" over and over again - that's way too much to demand of some woman/man you just met. But, like you said, when we come across guys who have self confidence.... well, then they don't want to "settle" for anyone, because they know they can get more play.
It's just all kind of a headache lol
Bahuba
05-13-2015, 09:52 AM
Thank you for this honest insight. A friend of mine basically said the same thing regarding single guys a few weeks ago, and it made a lot of sense, so it's nice to get a guy's perspective on it. When we were talking about the whole "women don't like nice guys" debate, she said, ""No - women like nice guys, they want nice guys.... But they want nice guys who also have self confidence and have their shit together. And, unfortunately, when it comes to guys, it seems like you either get one or the other: a guy who has self-confidence but this is expressed as him being a dick who mistreats and uses women because he's so full of himself that he thinks 'he can always get someone better' - or a guy who is really nice and sweet, but thinks he's a worthless piece of shit, and being insecure and bitter is not sexy or attractive."
She apparently met her husband at a "low point" and, despite her above musings, will sometimes try to use that as an argument about why I should give one of our very messed up mutual friends "a chance," but I kinda call bullshit on that. As a woman, I am constantly preached to about how neediness, insecurity, and bitterness are like the kiss of death upon my attractiveness to men. But... as a woman, when I am questioned as to why I'm not attracted to certain men who are into me, if I give the reasons that they are too needy, obviously insecure, and/or obnoxiously bitter about women - I am suddenly "shallow," "insensitive to the heartbreaks of his past," and "don't like nice guys?" ::)
Come on.... It's not attractive, and it's too damn hard, and not my responsibility, to "fix" someone's shattered perceptions... the same way it is when a woman acts that way and then can't get a guy who's ok with "fixing/soothing" her. It goes both ways. I can be the greatest, most loyal and honest date in the world, and - TRUST ME - it does not magically and instantly fix someone who is bitter and paranoid and oppressively down about themselves.And constantly demanding that someone deal with your neuroses and "prove themselves" over and over again - that's way too much to demand of some woman/man you just met. But, like you said, when we come across guys who have self confidence.... well, then they don't want to "settle" for anyone, because they know they can get more play.
It's just all kind of a headache lol
Well, with those three paragraphs, you just put 10,000 people who make a living selling relationship advice to men out of business. I bolded the truly wise sentence. NiceGuyX, first fix that within you that makes you angry and bitter. It is your responsibility, not hers, and she couldn't even if she wanted to. When you've done so, and you have the confidence that comes with self-mastery, there are obviously quite a few great people out there :-)
miss1dancypants
05-13-2015, 10:01 AM
Just saw a wicked cute guy at a gas station. I could tell he was checking me out and I really wanted to say hi. Seriously kicking myself for not doing it. I'm so sad and upset. This is why I'm single.
dokturok
05-18-2015, 06:42 PM
They're usually the ones with comb overs and really thick glasses IME.
I admit, I do have a shaved head but I wear contacts. :-)
dokturok
05-18-2015, 06:42 PM
They're usually the ones with comb overs and really thick glasses IME.
I admit, I do have a shaved head but I wear contacts. :-)
dokturok
05-18-2015, 06:44 PM
^Where?! I wants names and numbers ;)...
Send me a message, we'll chat 8)
lol1337a
05-20-2015, 02:13 AM
I hope this isn't an ass-y thing to say in this thread, but I haven't ever been single. Not because I'm lucky or whatever though, I just literally don't know how to be alone. Obviously, in my neediness, I've latched onto countless ridiculous jerks to avoid being a singleton. How do you all do it? Is it difficult? Is it scary? What's it like?
I'm like this too. I'm sure on some level it's because of my anxiety issues and introversion. To be completely honest, there are periods where I can't bring myself to leave the house, pick up the phone, or even interact with a delivery person without having a panic attack. It's so much easier to work around if you have a partner, even though I feel horrible putting them through that shit. And in better times, a partner satisfies my need for interaction in a more satisfying way than someone I'm not intimate with. Needless to say, I've put up with so much fucking garbage in my life because of this. I think I finally found a winner though, and the idea of losing him terrifies me. Codependency is some bullshit, can't even enjoy my great relationship fully, lol.
dokturok
05-20-2015, 08:18 AM
Pretty sure that's sarcasm buddy.
Life is about 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Melonie
05-20-2015, 09:28 AM
And I haven't found anyone that is worth having a fling with.
You're not looking in the 'right' places LOL !
LaurenAus
05-20-2015, 03:46 PM
You're not looking in the 'right' places LOL !
Melonie where youre currently living are there enough men to have romantic flings with? Are you pretty satisfied with your love life after deciding no more relationships?
miss1dancypants
07-06-2015, 11:24 AM
Well the guy I liked that lived across the country that came to visit me is back with his ex boyfriend.... so as usual I am perpetually single and cold and bitter... I'm just feeling hopeless. how are all the other single ladies doing?
ChristineB
07-06-2015, 12:43 PM
Well the guy I liked that lived across the country that came to visit me is back with his ex boyfriend.... so as usual I am perpetually single and cold and bitter... I'm just feeling hopeless. how are all the other single ladies doing?
Just broke up with my ex last month, never been happier.
xxxGothBarbie
07-06-2015, 02:34 PM
Still single & having a love/hate with it. I def need to travel someplace soon bc all the cute guys around here are useless when it comes to trying to have a 'fling'. I met this cute guy about a month ago at the bar & he was super nice & took me out , payed for everything, we have sex & he doesn't want to see me anymore. It sucks bc all I wanted was a fling & nothing serious. I hate when they take all the fun out of it by not wanting to at least be a booty call anymore.
MayaB
07-06-2015, 03:14 PM
3 months single after a year and a half first real relationship. I should've BEEN broke it off. I'm do much happier now because it feels natural for me to be single. I admit, I didn't realize how much of a toll it took on me but i'm happy it's over now!
Cashmere Star
07-06-2015, 10:32 PM
I've been technically single for a year, but stopped living with my still-possessive ex a month ago. I am going to spend my young singledom getting paid to date guys, totally wish I started sooner :)
... brb readin Ho Tactics
OliveJardin
07-07-2015, 01:20 AM
Still single & having a love/hate with it.
^Me too, I've been single for 10 months or so now and I'm not looking. Being single is great, but I do get really lonely and miss having a partner/best friend and and someone to check in with etc.
Kellydancer
07-07-2015, 01:53 PM
Relationship, what is that? My dating life has been shitty the last 20 years. Before that I had a string of boyfriends ranging from live in relationships to seriously dating to not being as seriously as I thought. Then I met a con artist who also DJed at a club I danced at. He proceeded to fleece me. Rightfully so, I was a bit skittish and several months later I met a great guy. I was still suffering but we had too many differences. We are still friends. So for close to 10 years I concentrated on finishing school and building a career. I then decided to do online dating, met some great guys, but nothing serious. Reunited with an old friend, fell for him and he broke my heart. I tried online again, failed and gave up until I started worrying about being alone, paid for a religious site and realized the guys were often just as bad.
In 2012 I met a great guy who I clicked with until I found out he is struggling with alcoholism. We are friends, and he comes to me for comfort (no sex or anything sexual) and reveals more to me. However he's still on probation for his last DUI and not sure how that affects anything. Just when I think we are headed towards dating nothing happens. Oddly his family treats me as his girlfriend and wishes I'd marry him. His mother in particular tells me that. Great but we haven't officially gone out alone (we've gotten together with our families but don't consider that a date). The sad thing is he's better than the guys who liked me on dating sites. I was often approached by the bottom feeder vermin men who most women don't like but these men think because I'm older I'm desperate. I'm not, I'd rather be alone. I'm being stalked by a guy I chatted with on a dating site and that is creepy but not surprised after the losers who wouldn't leave me alone.
Dating really sucks when you get older. I'd rather never date again than deal with dates with losers.