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View Full Version : Really need advice :(((((



katrose
04-28-2015, 01:29 AM
Hi everyone, I just signed up on this site. I am posting right now because I really need some advice. So, I have been at my club for about 2 years now. I've gotten to know the management and they support my creative endeavors outside the club (I work in the fashion/beauty industry) and always have made it sound as if they supported me and had my back.
Well, about a month ago I met a guy in the club, who is only a few years older than me. He has been in almost every night to see me and spends $400-$700 every night on drinks, dances, ect. He has helped me tremendously with my new makeup line business by designing logos and my packaging and donating on kickstarter, ect, and always gives me gifts. He has done more for me this past month than EVERY guy I've dated, total.
Well just last saturday one of the girls I work with who started last year (who I thought was cool but I guess not), came up to me and said, "Hey, don't hate me but I have been hanging out with your regular outside of the club recently and I have a mad crush on him". I may have been tipsy and I'm a hella emotional and sensitive person and I started having a panic attack and got angry and then she apparently threatened to beat my ass in the dressing room after work that night (I didn't hear that part but I have witnesses who heard it while she was walking inside and apparently the house mom was there too) and when I was told about that part, I started to get up and walk off and the house mom yelled at me for the first time ever which she has never done. I have literally never been in trouble there. I don't understand...
I'm really disappointed. And really, REALLY upset. I'm sorry, but I would never do that to a girl I'm cool with at the club. I respect the other dancers who are cool with me and wouldn't go behind their back and hang out with their regulars outside of the club.
Do I have a right to be upset? Because the management isn't on my side on this. They keep trying to justify her actions, probably because the other dancer has gotten close with the management (management meaning the hiring manager/bouncer and house mom). "He can still come in to see you" HE ISN'T GOING TO ANYMORE OBVIOUSLY!? And the club rules state that if you're (meaning the other dancer) dating a customer then he can no longer come in when you are working, and her and I work almost the same shifts (we are only open 5 days a week) soooo yeahhhh.... double standards and favoritism, much? Now I feel as if she is manipulating everyone against me.
My mind is just racing with a bunch of thoughts right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel betrayed... I am supposed to work tomorrow but I just want to pack all my shit up and leave at this point but that place felt like a second home to me. It's now a very bittersweet feeling.
I don't know what to do anymore, which is why I am reaching out. So.... please give me some insight...
Thank you everyone.. xoxo
<3

EricRRobert
04-28-2015, 02:04 AM
The way I see it, in life, you always have a right to be upset, but it never does any good, so why bother.

Obviously you don't own a regular any more than a regular can own you, so this all just boils down to having an enemy at work. That sucks, and it's not a dancer-specific problem. It can happen to anyone in any job.

When you have an enemy at work, you basically have three options: 1) Avoid them and remain professional; 2) Destroy them and force them out; or 3) Quit.

Option 2 often backfires pretty spectacularly, so ultimately, I'd say just weigh your pros and cons and decide to either ignore her or go. You can survive working near someone you don't like, and you can also find a new club and make it your new home.

So just make the decision and own the decision. Decisiveness feels good.

Good luck...

shanna dior
04-28-2015, 02:07 PM
I totally get being upset about losing a good client, but you're taking this way too personally and quite frankly overreacting about management. No one is out to get you or betray you.

Good management doesn't get involved in inter-dancer drama about regulars because they just care that the customers are coming in and spending money at the bar (and on VIP or whatever else they get a cut of) -- doesn't matter who they're spending on. What exactly do you expect them to do here? Fire the other dancer for getting someone to spend money on her? Ban the customer from getting dances from her? Your customer is a big boy and management is right that he can still come and see you if that's what he wants.

As for the other dancer, I mean, customers have the right to spend time and money on any dancer they want. You don't own someone just because they regularly come see you for a while. At least the other dancer was upfront and told you. In most cases, he'd just disappear or stop spending time with you in favour of her. Regulars come and go girl, that's just how this business works.

Give yourself a break from club so you can calm down a bit and not feel so attacked. Maybe work somewhere else for a bit so you can keep making money without getting involved in drama.

And FWIW, I'm most surprised that your club is so cool with dating customers -- especially so openly!

katrose
04-28-2015, 03:17 PM
It's the fact that she went behind my back and started hanging out with him outside the club and neither of them told me until just last weekend. If you date a customer then the can't come in when you are working. Her and I work together a lot, which means that he won't be allowed in, or maybe they will let him? But he won't even be there to see me. I really doubt he will even come in anymore to see me if he is getting what he wants outside of the club from the other girl. So not only do I lose money, but the club loses money too. This girl has choked out customers, and just last week she told a customer that he looked like a pug with down syndrome. How the hell can they be on her side. Maybe I am taking it personally, because I am very sensitive. I have a heart...

shanna dior
04-28-2015, 03:44 PM
^Neither of them owe you anything though. They're allowed to do whatever they want and they don't have to check with you or avoid each other just because you've been dancing for him every day for a month or any other amount of time or regularity. Just like you're never obligated to go to a customer, no customer is ever obligated to only spend money on you until the end of time.

Again, I 100% understand how much it sucks to lose a really good customer -- I've had customers go off to spend time with dancers I don't like and dancers I call friends, some after one or two visits with me and some after years -- but it's not about having a heart, it's just business. Customers come and go. You can't take it so hard when they go, because you will lose plenty of other customers down the line. Not to mention, it's not good for your mental health to get so invested in your customers that you take it this hard when you do.

As for her insulting customers, well, some of them are into that.

Aniela
04-28-2015, 03:51 PM
It's the fact that she went behind my back and started hanging out with him outside the club and neither of them told me until just last weekend. If you date a customer then the can't come in when you are working. Her and I work together a lot, which means that he won't be allowed in, or maybe they will let him? But he won't even be there to see me. I really doubt he will even come in anymore to see me if he is getting what he wants outside of the club from the other girl. So not only do I lose money, but the club loses money too. This girl has choked out customers, and just last week she told a customer that he looked like a pug with down syndrome. How the hell can they be on her side. Maybe I am taking it personally, because I am very sensitive. I have a heart...


Grow up.

Was this other dancer's action backhanded? I think so. But guess how much control you have over it ....

Let him make his own bed. Every regular has an expiration date, & he is under no obligation to keep you abreast of what he does w/ his time when you're not present. If it wasn't this girl, it would be sm other girl -- either that, or he would go the route many regulars go, which is to push for more time, more 'favours' more whatever for less & less compensation until you finally say Fk This Sht & dump him yourself. The fact that he's doing OTC w/ the other girl makes me think it would just be a matter of time until he started pestering you for smtg similar. Let him be the other girl's headache now, not to mention her risk if they are doing P4P. Besides, if she's really got such a ferocious nasty streak -- unless he's into that kind of thing -- she'll eventually piss him off & get herself dumped.

The only thing you should really be worried abt is whether her 'I'm'a beat yo ass' attitude was genuine, or if it even happened at all & wasn't just cooked up by others looking to stir the pot. If a coworker made a comment like that to me, damn sure I'd sit up & take notice -- not necessarily out of fear bc I can give as good as I get, but a person throwing around threats like that can be a loose cannon & thus sm1 you need to watch out for.

katrose
04-28-2015, 04:01 PM
I am taking it to heart because the dude told me he was on the verge of loving me. Wrote a song for me, has done so much. Yes I let my feelings get involved. I actually cared about him as a person and it wasn't all about his money. As for the business side, the club is losing money now because she's hanging out with him outside

carmen_b
04-28-2015, 04:57 PM
Sorry about the feelings / attachment. You are a paid entertainer and unfortunately , the guy certainly doesn't " owe you " anything beyond what he's given. I hope it gets sorted out for you. There will be more clients. Be professional and head towards the next one holding their money out to take. :)

EastCoastDancer01
04-28-2015, 06:02 PM
I am so sorry about all of this! You absolutely have every right to be angry at that other dancer. Feelings aside, she is fucking with your money! Its one thing if a coworker gets dances with one of your customers inside the club...but she went out of her way to see him outside the club knowing that he was your regular. The fact that she had the nerve to tell you to your face just makes her a shitty person. Usually when girls see custies outside, they try to keep it on the DL and not tell anyone. I dont like how she is so open about it to everyone, and they seem to be okay with it. Usually the club staff dont like it when girls take customers out, because it makes the club lose business! You are the good one in this situation and your reaction was completely understandable. Honestly, I wouldnt worry too much about that guy. If he was seeing her while telling you all these things, he's not worth crying about. That was pretty two faced of him, so fuck him. As for the other dancer, just ignore her. If she says something to you, just say you were drunk when you freaked out so dont take it personally. Just end things like that, with you being the better person. All you can do now is move on, and find another good customer. Dont ever take these guys too seriously, just have fun with it and make money. Sucess is the best revenge!

miss.a.p1600
05-03-2015, 06:26 AM
This is the downside of having regulars.

Other dancers get wind of a man spending top dollar on you and they get jealous and try to get in on the action. Some regulars can be too easily convinced to spend time / money on someone else and yes it really sucks.

One of my "regulars" told me he would only spend time with me then one day as I was coming onto the shift I peeped him walking off to VIP with another b$tch who outed herself as someone who does extras. I damn near wanted to tear the walls down and destroy everything in my path. But I said f$ck it I'm going to let both those hoes see me make money regardless.

This is a game and you must play to win. And not let petty hoes or lying regulars derail you.

Point is regulars are good for the time they last but do not depend solely on one or you will be sadly disappointed. Eventually they will try to get more or try to convince you to do 'private parties' or escort for them so yeah just find more high spenders that want to see you regularly in the club.

pinups4
05-03-2015, 10:37 AM
Have you asked him.

Maybe he thinks you'll never see him as more than customer and she does...and he is going for RW.

rickdugan
05-03-2015, 11:01 AM
I don't mean to be harsh and please understand that my comments come from a good place, but after 2 years of dancing, one thing that should probably be clear by now is that there is no such thing as loyalty in a strip club, in any direction or from any party. Most customers will spend their time and money with whomever they enjoy the most and many dancers will leave a regular in a hot second if there's enough money to be had elsewhere. And while there are informal understandings in many clubs about poaching other dancers' regulars, IME those tend to break down real fast when there is good money on the line. Money is only yours once it leaves his hands and lands in your purse. Until then, you just can't count on it.

In my regular clubs, other dancers try to poach me from my favorites all the time and I'm no whale - maybe a dolphin at best, lol. They just do it quietly and when my favorites aren't around. With how much that guy spent in the club in a single month, it was inevitable that other girls were going to make a run at him and that some would offer to take care of him OTC.

IMHO management is siding against you because they just don't want to hear it. It's likely that, from their perspective, you are the one who is stirring up unwanted drama over a customer. And even if they were genuinely outraged that a dancer took a guy OTC, which I doubt btw, what could they really do about it? Sure they could fire her, but what does that really accomplish? They can't decide for the customer where he spends his money and I'm sure he'll still see the girl OTC anyway.

In any event, I am sorry that it happened and I wish you all the best as you sort it out.

NoRegrets
05-04-2015, 01:47 PM
So a wealthy young guy (he's about your age) is dropping over 10k a month at a club (400-700 most nights) and you're surprised another girl would want to get his business or just date him? Just be happy for the money that you made while he was with you. These types of arrangements all end eventually. Your coworker was just doing what was best for her. Maybe he would want to see both of you OTC if you're open to that.

Djoser
05-05-2015, 07:10 PM
Every regular has an expiration date

Should be engraved in stone.

To the OP--never let your heart distract you from business. Go get yourself another regular, or better yet several of them.

Djoser
05-05-2015, 07:21 PM
The fact that she had the nerve to tell you to your face just makes her a shitty person.

I wasn't there, and maybe I missed something in the OP. But far better to be upfront about it than to sneak around, in my mind.

Addison Lynne
05-05-2015, 08:09 PM
I think what's bothering me most about the whole thing is the way you're saying that he can't come in to see you now, almost seems like you think the whole reason she's seeing him OTC is so that he can't come see you in the club. You need to realize that she's in it for the money or whatever, but I doubt she started this just so you'd lose a regular. More like she wanted to gain one...it's just the way it is in a strip club.

whirlerz
05-05-2015, 09:37 PM
I would totally poach Rick D}:D

Naida
05-06-2015, 01:40 AM
DO NOT GET ATTACHED

That was the very first serious "life" lesson I learned about being a stripper. When I first started, all but one of the girls warmed up to me in a matter of days. I thought this one particular girl hated me until about a month into working together. Then one day, she suddenly came up to me in the dressing room while I got ready, all smiles and giggles, to say "hey, J! Wanna come hang out at the door and poach customers with me?" And that's what we did.
We hung out the entire night, sitting in the open window opposite the door, talking to the door guy and snatching up any customer willing to buy a dance from one of us as soon as he walked in, but mostly chatting and doodling on each other with pens and markers kept at the front door. We became fast and close friends that night. When I sheepishly told her that I had thought she hated me, she seemed genuinely sorry and apologized - that's just how she is with new girls. She didn't want to get attached to someone before knowing they were going to stick around.

Three years and so many great memories with her later, she testified against me in court.

What she did to me is real betrayal. What you're describing is standard fare for this line of work. Regulars come and go. Some of the girls you work with are going to stab you in the back. You're going to get in trouble with management and staff every now and then. At the risk of coming across rude, you're in the wrong line of business if you can't handle that.

EastCoastDancer01
05-06-2015, 10:13 PM
I wasn't there, and maybe I missed something in the OP. But far better to be upfront about it than to sneak around, in my mind.

From what the OP said in her post, it seemed to me like she was rubbing it in her face...like "look, I stole your custie! haha". Idk, that just seems shitty to me. Like she's trying to be spiteful and add insult to injury.

Djoser
05-15-2015, 04:21 AM
From what the OP said in her post, it seemed to me like she was rubbing it in her face...like "look, I stole your custie! haha". Idk, that just seems shitty to me. Like she's trying to be spiteful and add insult to injury.

Yeah in that case you'd be correct. I wasn't there so can't be sure. Some people are honest to avoid the sneaking around thing, and then again, it is true some people are honest to be spiteful.

Sorry, just saw this, it's been a few days since I was on SW.