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View Full Version : May have abusive boyfriend...I don't know what to do



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audritwo
07-12-2015, 12:05 PM
The original is a classic.

carmen_b
07-12-2015, 12:16 PM
He's such a creep. Isn't the verbal abuse enough? I couldn't leave fast ENOUGH when a new bf years ago suggested I lose a little weight ( I was a SKINNY 22 year old - cmon! ). What a LOSER! You'll feel so much better when you leave!
Just BE SAFE and leave when he isn't there.
I'm not sure if he'd follow you but obviously, being careful about your new address would be wise....
If he asks why you left, just say " because you were abusing me " and then block his number forever.

carmen_b
07-12-2015, 12:17 PM
He's such a creep. Isn't the verbal abuse enough? I couldn't leave fast ENOUGH when a new bf years ago suggested I lose a little weight ( I was a SKINNY 22 year old - cmon! ). That guy and this one you are with are LOSERS! You'll feel so much better when you leave!
Just BE SAFE and leave when he isn't there.
I'm not sure if he'd follow you but obviously, being careful about your new address would be wise....
If he asks why you left, just say " because you were abusing me " and then block his number forever.

Optimist
07-12-2015, 03:21 PM
View ALL of these videos. She will take you step by step through the process of understanding why you are with this person and how to change your thinking so he can't mind fuck you anymore. She's been there and gets what it's like to feel you have no options and no right to complain about mistreatment. https://www.youtube.com/user/lisaaromano1

Optimist
07-12-2015, 03:56 PM
Get comfortable with deciding you won't J.A.D.E. when he starts to F.O.G. Fogging is a simple technique to use your desire to be fair against you. Fear: Obligation Guilt He keeps you afraid of him and afraid he'll leave. This brings up all the hurts from the past and it keeps you disproportionately terrified of him. You probably have abandonment trauma that has not been healed and provides a perfect opening for predators. Obligation: You desperately want to connect and think you need to him to give you the life you want. You've been conditioned to believe you can't do it on your own. So him giving you things is to get you bonded to him and chasing the validation and stability you want to have. You receive then feel guilty when he acts dissatisfied. But healthy relationships aren't about quid pro quo. Guilt: ANYTIME you feel uncomfortable, you have the right to move on. His hurt feelings/betrayal feelings aren't important. You are not selfish or a user, you are dating, you don't like his behavior and you don't have to continue.

How to end it, do not:
Justify : don't explain to him WHY you are turned off and feel frightened for your safety
Argue : this is NOT a debate. You have made your decision so you state it and stop, No waiting for him to accept or agree of understand.
Defend : His validation or acceptance of your choice is not necessary and you should not be held hostage in an argument waiting for it to come. He attacks the logic of your choice or the fairness, suggesting you are obligated to give him something for his money spent. Uh no, pardner, she's not. Bu-bye.
Explain : No explanation of "You are physically abusive" is necessary. The click on the phone line is enough.

Kellydancer
07-12-2015, 06:20 PM
He's such a creep. Isn't the verbal abuse enough? I couldn't leave fast ENOUGH when a new bf years ago suggested I lose a little weight ( I was a SKINNY 22 year old - cmon! ). What a LOSER! You'll feel so much better when you leave!
Just BE SAFE and leave when he isn't there.
I'm not sure if he'd follow you but obviously, being careful about your new address would be wise....
If he asks why you left, just say " because you were abusing me " and then block his number forever.

I dated a guy like that. He literally put me on a scale and because I was about 115 at 5'6 1\2- 5'7 he called me fat and ordered me a salad at dinner. I was thin, about a size 4 yet not thin enough for him. I dumped him not long after.

jack0177057
07-17-2015, 08:50 PM
Jasmine22, you have your answer. There is 100% consensus on this thread - which I have never seen SW before - so that should tell you a lot.

You need to terminate this abusive relationship NOW. Do not have any further communications with him. He will ask you to hear him out, but, do not listen to him ever again - disconnect totally - now.

This guy has a psychological hold on you and knows how to manipulate you. If you agree to meet with him, or even to talk to him on the phone, he will make it impossible for you walk away from him. He will make all kind of lies and false promises - how he loves you more than life itself, you are his princess and he plans to provide you with a perfect life - a wonderful house with the best designer furniture and a grand pool in the backyard, two wonderful kids and an amazing dog, wonderful cars, wonderful vacations at the best cities in Europe... Do not listen to his bullshit! If you do, you will not be able to walk away. The only way to truly end this is to end all communications with him, period.

If you think there is a likelihood that he may come looking for you, contact the PD and get a restraining order against him.

I repeat - END IT NOW. DO NOT MEET WITH HIM. DO NOT TALK TO HIM. DO NOT REPLY TO HIS TEXTS OR EMAILS...

Trem
07-19-2015, 08:36 AM
Welp, it's been a while. I hope this turned out ok.

Flickdreams
07-19-2015, 09:27 AM
^ I know right.

SimoneGray
07-19-2015, 09:43 AM
Just read through this....yikes. Went through exactly the same thing (minus the overseas trips) with my last BF. He was never physically abusive but definitely verbally and mentally.

OP I really really hope you are ok. As someone who has experienced this things get worse, they do not get better. In the end he'll make you do some crazy shit that you'll somehow end up justifying in your own head that will really hurt you. Anyways, seriously seriously I hope that you are ok.

jasmine22
07-19-2015, 10:17 AM
I am ok everyone thank you for responding to my post and i appreciate all of the advice

kortneykay
07-23-2015, 01:10 AM
Take the money he's given you so far and BOUNCE. You can do bad all by yourself, and GOOD by yourself, sweetie. You don't need this abusive jerk's trips and you don't need his money. They're tools that you can make on your own that he's using to control you and trust me, if you stay it WILL get worse. He's sick, and needs help/anger management. You are NOT his punching back. The next time you might find your head being banged up against that wall while you're picking your teeth and the jewelry that he bought you off the ground. Get on the next flight out, A.S.A.P! You will be okay.

pranceprance
07-23-2015, 06:22 PM
he doesn't need to know if he's being abusive or not! he clearly is and when you confronted him HE DENIED IT and acted like YOU were wrong. a good partner listens to why you feel scared or upset. he doesn't need to know that you're leaving. if he has that much money then losing a little by spending it on you shouldn't upset him. and he definitely shouldn't be bringing it up to remind you. you're not a pet or a sugar baby, and if you were one you'd be 100% justified in leaving and pressing charges.

i hope things are going well for you, and that your mom's ignorant words make no difference to you.

jasmine22
08-08-2015, 11:47 PM
I made a huge mistake and came out to Miami to see him. After I allowed him to convince me he was a better person. He left me stranded when I didn't act the way he wanted me to. I got a room for the night but I'm so scared and freaked out about the whole thing. I'm not here looking for sympathy, just to warn other people now not to fall for the shit I did. I was foolish and in the end I got hurt. I saw red flags and didn't listen to them, I was so wrong for that. I should've listened to you guys.

EastCoastDancer01
08-09-2015, 01:48 PM
I made a huge mistake and came out to Miami to see him. After I allowed him to convince me he was a better person. He left me stranded when I didn't act the way he wanted me to. I got a room for the night but I'm so scared and freaked out about the whole thing. I'm not here looking for sympathy, just to warn other people now not to fall for the shit I did. I was foolish and in the end I got hurt. I saw red flags and didn't listen to them, I was so wrong for that. I should've listened to you guys.

Well, at least you are in your own country, it would be a lot worse if he left you stranded in another country. And at least now you learned your lesson. He is truly a piece of shit. Tried to convince you he was "better", should have been kissing your ass, but instead expected you to kiss his ass and act a certain way for him. He is the epitome of a sociopath. I'm sure you know by now that he has no feelings, so you need to lose all feelings for him. Dont feel sad, sorry for yourself, angry, etc. Move on! This experience should set you free. He has shown his true colors to you numerous times, but this one takes the cake. From this moment on, you need to start over and be a stronger person. He should be DEAD to you. Good luck.

Xania
08-11-2015, 02:58 AM
Your mom is trading your well being and safety for cash. Do NOT take any of her advice! NEVER take her advice! Cut off from that guy, he is bad news! No man hits a woman and when you give a gift, there should be NO strings or debts . Anyone that say otherwise is someone that is setting you up from something bad!. Go see a therapist to talk and tell her about your mom , etc , so she can teach you about a NORMAL relationship and how it works...If your instinct say run, take the cash, the cloths on your back and RUN! CUT YOURSELF OFF FROM YOUR MOTHER!