View Full Version : How many of y'all have understanding husbands or boyfriends?
I hear more stories of sex workers who are in a bad way with their relationships than not. I must say that all the ladies that do get support are extremely blessed, because from what I have seen its a rare quality in men.
Indeed they blessed & very lucky! i mean if the woman starts camming when in a relationship already i assume both partners discuss & agree on it most times, eventually cam as a couple, sometimes the woman takes the decision on her own & her partner either agrees, tolerate or disagree, sometimes he pushes her to cam or or take advantage of her work/ money, there are many possible variations.
Still i dont understand why a woman would tolerate such a looser near her, like u mentioned in ur post Simone? What value that guy bring in her life? Just a dick? Looks like for some women is just enough, to have a looser with a dick next to them .... SMH
I know i want more in life than just that.
Believe it or not i dont really have the courage to start dating & reveal my cam work at some point cause i dont really know how a guy could react on it, yes i wish a man in my life but i feel the risk is pretty high that the guy would either leave me after we spent valuable time & energy getting to that point when i reveal i cam or he will stay with me but expect who knows what like u mentioned above, or be ok with my work at 1st but changing later on and the worst scenario, if we split up one day, how do i know what he's going to do if i leave him? Or he could blackmail me not to leave him.
In the name of these all i feel safer just not to date for the moment cause i simply dont want a man to have something like my job to use against me in case things turn out bad.
theharlot
08-12-2015, 02:25 PM
I hear more stories of sex workers who are in a bad way with their relationships than not. I must say that all the ladies that do get support are extremely blessed, because from what I have seen its a rare quality in men.
Well this thread alone is flooded with contrary examples so it may be that you've only heard a lot more of the toxic type because these "make for a better story" and fit in with expected stereotypes. There are lots of good, understanding and open-minded men just as there are lots of weirdo creepy ones who get all intense/psycho at the slightest mention of a vagina... Or how that vagina is put to use!
I don't think it's rare at all for a man to be understanding... Not from what I've seen at least. And especially in this age. Then again, we're all dating in different pools and our expectations of what we can get differ dramatically. It all comes down to what you're willing to hold out for... Some women (and men) unfortunately would rather be with anyone than be alone.
oCURIOUSo
08-12-2015, 05:18 PM
I was married a long time before I started camming, but my husband has always been supportive. From the start we set out our expectations of eachother and decided to try and and if in a month we were both still comfortable with it, we'd go for 6 months, and so on. But this job, to both of us, is no different than any other job. I've always worked in customer service and this is just an extension of that. It drives me nuts when customers ask if he knows or how he feels about it. Um, I'm here 7 days a week and screaming, I have lights and a camera pointed at a bed and 2 dozen dildos. How could he possibly not know? And he's okay with me having any other job where I keep my clothes on so why not one where I take them off?
wetnred
08-12-2015, 08:54 PM
I think that if you're in this field of work before meeting a significant other..it's much easier for them to accept it and remain open minded. In my scenario; I've been with the same guy for 7 years. We're together for a year and then we break up for a week/month/year every other year. Last week I mentioned doing this for money, since money is what we need and fast. Tonight he told me "he can't be a part of it", I said "you can't be on cam?" He said "I just can't have it near me or in my life". So there's that. I asked him how it affected his day to day life and he had no response. Total let-down of the evening. Good news; I think we're breaking up again soon. Then maybe I can do this more often.
Yay for all the supportive dudes that are out there though!
aleciaxxx
08-13-2015, 10:22 AM
My BF is cool with it. I told him with in days of meeting him. I didn't give 2 fucks if he liked it or me or not. I wasn't involved with him yet. Now he wants me to have a regular job to go with it so I can pay bills if camming isn't enough, I'm getting my GED, and camming has become more of a side hustle.
oCURIOUSo
08-13-2015, 10:43 AM
My BF is cool with it. I told him with in days of meeting him. I didn't give 2 fucks if he liked it or me or not. I wasn't involved with him yet. Now he wants me to have a regular job to go with it so I can pay bills if camming isn't enough, I'm getting my GED, and camming has become more of a side hustle.
Sometimes I think about going back to working a "normal" job but short of being a super successful actress there's nothing I'm even moderately interested in that would make me what I make camming.
EllieGold
08-13-2015, 12:36 PM
It's taken years for hubby to get used to me doing it, but he actually is finally loosening up about it in 2015. He has been a dick in the past about it.. He totally supports that now i want to just film clips and avoid camming, since that makes me happier. Honestly, camming has just stressed me out so much. I am taking a small hiatus and filming videos and loving it. I kinda wish I could get a 9-5 job though, so I know money will ALWAYS be there.
Sphynx Lions
08-29-2015, 11:07 PM
Hi girls, I just read through this thread and its so nice to see so many of you have such great partners.
I'm having a little problem myself. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we live together most of the time, I started camming a month and a half ago, we talked about it before hand of course and everything was fine. But lately he has been very weird and distant with me, and after a few fights and talking... it's because I cam, he tried to tolerate it he says, but he can't seem to see em as his girlfiend when I am naked entertaining, masturbating etc for other man.
We had spoken about doing vids together and we sometimes filmed ourselves for fun, we have a tumblr with many followers because we are very kinky and he is a phtographer so we have great content.
But he wants me to stop camming for other guys, lets just do videos ourselves...
I have been making more money than ever and I cant get a 9-5 job ATM, so this is pretty much my only choice, making videos with him and selling on manyvids, C4S and stuff like that might be good but I know I wont be making as much money as I do camming...
I've though about non-nude or soemthign but idk...
I feel very bad I have been crying a lot and my head hurts, I need money, and I don't want to loose him, I love him very much and I thought he would be supportive, he was most of the time, but apparently inside he can't stand it...
HELP...!
oCURIOUSo
08-29-2015, 11:12 PM
Hi girls, I just read through this thread and its so nice to see so many of you have such great partners.
I'm having a little problem myself. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we live together most of the time, I started camming a month and a half ago, we talked about it before hand of course and everything was fine. But lately he has been very weird and distant with me, and after a few fights and talking... it's because I cam, he tried to tolerate it he says, but he can't seem to see em as his girlfiend when I am naked entertaining, masturbating etc for other man.
We had spoken about doing vids together and we sometimes filmed ourselves for fun, we have a tumblr with many followers because we are very kinky and he is a phtographer so we have great content.
But he wants me to stop camming for other guys, lets just do videos ourselves...
I have been making more money than ever and I cant get a 9-5 job ATM, so this is pretty much my only choice, making videos with him and selling on manyvids, C4S and stuff like that might be good but I know I wont be making as much money as I do camming...
I've though about non-nude or soemthign but idk...
I feel very bad I have been crying a lot and my head hurts, I need money, and I don't want to loose him, I love him very much and I thought he would be supportive, he was most of the time, but apparently inside he can't stand it...
HELP...!
Personally, I don't think it's any of our business. Every relationship is different and everyone has different priorities. None of us can give you the magic answer. You'll have to sit down and face the facts and make that decision for yourself.
That being said, don't ever let a man get between you and your money. He's your boyfriend not your husband and if he can't handle ypu having a job, which is exact what this is, it's a job, how do you think he's gonna handle an adult long term relationship? If he can't handle this he must not be able to handle you working at a drive thru either. If his little woman having a job is such an issue why isn't he supporting you 100% without complaint?
But like I said.... it's not my business.
JaneBurgess
08-30-2015, 12:59 AM
I was with my husband before I worked in the adult industry. He was cool when I worked at Hooters, he was cool when I shot for magazines, he was cool when I started camming, etc. He always knew it was a job for me, 100 percent work. He's has always supported me even when it was a dumbass idea, but he loved me enough to let me try it out and didn't say anything negative. Hell I brought him to shoots and he made friends with everyone there and now he works in adult industry behind the scenes. You have to be with someone that is comfortable with what you do or it just won't work out. Everyone I know that tried to hide this job, was eventually busted in time.
Sphynx Lions
08-30-2015, 01:27 PM
Personally, I don't think it's any of our business. Every relationship is different and everyone has different priorities. None of us can give you the magic answer. You'll have to sit down and face the facts and make that decision for yourself.
That being said, don't ever let a man get between you and your money. He's your boyfriend not your husband and if he can't handle ypu having a job, which is exact what this is, it's a job, how do you think he's gonna handle an adult long term relationship? If he can't handle this he must not be able to handle you working at a drive thru either. If his little woman having a job is such an issue why isn't he supporting you 100% without complaint?
But like I said.... it's not my business.
hey thanks for answering, I appreciate the advice. I understand no one can give me a magic answer and that is not what I am looking for at all.
I also understand that its non of anoyones business.. but I am looking for a support that's all, I don't really have anyone I can talk to that might understand. Also maybe soem other girls are or have been in a similar situation and we might help each other.
He will be my husband soon most likely, and the problem is not me having a job, is having sex related job, like stripping, porn, or camming.
He doesnt mind if I do it with him, as far as videos and photography but he can't handle jealousy I guess, or the fact that other people see me live masturbating and "tell me what to do".
Anyway... I know no one can resolve my problem I was looking for other opinions, and maybe some support, of course in the end I will do whatever i think its right, for now I will keep camming since he can't support me financially and I don't have much choices, we will do videos together and hopefully in the future I will be more of a picture/video model than camming that many hours a week.
Kitcatt
08-30-2015, 02:52 PM
Yeah, THAT'S the issue I have with your bf. His alternatives aren't going to bring in nearly the same amount of money, and I'm sure he's well aware of that. He can't support you or fill in that wage gap, so what he's doing is crippling both of you financially which is one of the number one reasons couples split. So he's trading one problem for another problem that can be equally damaging AND can impact the rest of your life, with our without said boyfriend or husband.
This is a sit down of "hey honey, I'm sorry, but you have GOT to be shitting me if you think this is a good idea." He needs to suck it up, at least until there are other forms of money in the door. My boyfriend is not a huge fan of me doing what I do for a living, but he knows that it makes me happy and gives me a goodly income to live on. He's also aware that if he expects me to quit I expect him to support my ass with a lifestyle on par with the one I have now.
He knew what he was getting into when you two met. He's beginning to feel like your pussy is his property and you need to remind him it's not, it's yours.
What I'm saying is, get your money. Fuck him.
oCURIOUSo
08-30-2015, 02:55 PM
What's the difference between working at subway and being a cam model? Pants. That's it. You go to work, you make money, you pay taxes, and handle some roast beef. That's it. If he can't handle someone telling you he likes anal or to hear his name how's he gonna handle someone at subway asking for extra lettuce?
I'll support you all day long, but if you want a pat on the back and somebody to tell you it's all gonna be alright I think you came to the wrong place.
Sphynx Lions
08-30-2015, 03:37 PM
What's the difference between working at subway and being a cam model? Pants. That's it. You go to work, you make money, you pay taxes, and handle some roast beef. That's it. If he can't handle someone telling you he likes anal or to hear his name how's he gonna handle someone at subway asking for extra lettuce?
I'll support you all day long, but if you want a pat on the back and somebody to tell you it's all gonna be alright I think you came to the wrong place.
Absolutely not a pat in the back was what I was expecting, something more like what Kitcatt wrote which is pretty much what I think, and pretty much what I told my boyfriend, and finally he accepted it for now untill he can support me, because like she said, trading one issue for another issue is not going to solve anything
Sphynx Lions
08-30-2015, 03:39 PM
Yeah, THAT'S the issue I have with your bf. His alternatives aren't going to bring in nearly the same amount of money, and I'm sure he's well aware of that. He can't support you or fill in that wage gap, so what he's doing is crippling both of you financially which is one of the number one reasons couples split. So he's trading one problem for another problem that can be equally damaging AND can impact the rest of your life, with our without said boyfriend or husband.
This is a sit down of "hey honey, I'm sorry, but you have GOT to be shitting me if you think this is a good idea." He needs to suck it up, at least until there are other forms of money in the door. My boyfriend is not a huge fan of me doing what I do for a living, but he knows that it makes me happy and gives me a goodly income to live on. He's also aware that if he expects me to quit I expect him to support my ass with a lifestyle on par with the one I have now.
He knew what he was getting into when you two met. He's beginning to feel like your pussy is his property and you need to remind him it's not, it's yours.
What I'm saying is, get your money. Fuck him.
This where exactly my thoughts, and what I told him, thanks, for now I will continue to do it and he either makes money for both of us or he can fuckk of with his demands, sorry for venting here, I just didnt have anywhere else to go.
emma383
08-30-2015, 03:49 PM
Super interesting post! I started doing porn right after meeting my husband (he was my fiancee back then). I cannot even imagine starting a relationship with someone and having to tell them about this job. I can see how some guys would freak out.
So many of you say that your husbands/bf/gf/partners are supportive of you but I wonder if anyone has run into the issue of a partner who becomes complacent and/or expectant, maybe relies on you to make all the money or pushes you hard to get to work?
Naturally every couple have bills and a job is a job. Car payments, Ins., mortgage, and whatever else will promote a spouse to expect your part of the commitment in the marriage needs to be dealt with right? Can't run from that. So imo, complacently must to take a back seat in it's self-congratulatory, self-regarding, conceited ways to what matters. It's called responsibility. So with all due respect my dear; "Fuck complacent" and get on with the job. And if he refuses this adult view- fuck him too. Ahhh love...
morganavalon
08-30-2015, 08:42 PM
I started camming after we'd been together for several years - he's super supportive, and usually mods my room :D
JaneBurgess
08-30-2015, 10:44 PM
If he doesnt like camming he wont like you doing pictures or video's either if they are of an adult nature. Several of us on here started out as models only and they were still sexy pictures and video's. Its a hard gig to get since they arent as open to a wide variety of looks like camming is. Even if you did non adult modeling it sounds like he doesnt like other men giving you attention period. The hours are also more than camming. You work 12 to 15 hour days on professional shoots and you usually work 3 or 4 days back to back. You're going to have to figure out if being with such a jealous person is what you really want. They usually get worse in time, not better.
hey thanks for answering, I appreciate the advice. I understand no one can give me a magic answer and that is not what I am looking for at all.
I also understand that its non of anoyones business.. but I am looking for a support that's all, I don't really have anyone I can talk to that might understand. Also maybe soem other girls are or have been in a similar situation and we might help each other.
He will be my husband soon most likely, and the problem is not me having a job, is having sex related job, like stripping, porn, or camming.
He doesnt mind if I do it with him, as far as videos and photography but he can't handle jealousy I guess, or the fact that other people see me live masturbating and "tell me what to do".
Anyway... I know no one can resolve my problem I was looking for other opinions, and maybe some support, of course in the end I will do whatever i think its right, for now I will keep camming since he can't support me financially and I don't have much choices, we will do videos together and hopefully in the future I will be more of a picture/video model than camming that many hours a week.
SadieTaylor
08-31-2015, 08:33 AM
Mine is totally cool with it, he doesn't see why I am so secretive about it with most of my friends. And he loves the money I make with the small amount of time I do it. We have been together for 9 years and I started camming 2 years go. The only thing is he doesn't like to hear me work, he finds it disgusting. And I can't blame him because I do a lot of gagging shows and it well... sounds disgusting. Lol. So he watches t.v. with headphones on at night because my office is right by our living room.
Sphynx Lions
08-31-2015, 10:26 AM
Mine is totally cool with it, he doesn't see why I am so secretive about it with most of my friends. And he loves the money I make with the small amount of time I do it. We have been together for 9 years and I started camming 2 years go. The only thing is he doesn't like to hear me work, he finds it disgusting. And I can't blame him because I do a lot of gagging shows and it well... sounds disgusting. Lol. So he watches t.v. with headphones on at night because my office is right by our living room.
Thats awesome, I havent really told any of my friends yet either, but I guess if I did it for 2 years I would tell some of the closest ones. With my guy we have been together for a little more than 2 years, and I started camming month and a half ago, and pretty much its coming to the point where is either camming or him, I guess I can work as a weitress or something.
I just did like camming and the freedom it gives me. I feel empowered, I can take a free day when I decide, or work as many hours as I decide, and many other things u already know, of course its has down sides too but idk..
It also hurts me a little the fact that if he loves me so much, it shouldnt affect our relationship at this degree, the fact that I do this, but he sees it like if I was straight up a prostitute, which I have nothing against of course, but having a boyfriend and sleeping with other guys for money is just not something I would do.
He sees it as the same thing, like he would've never been with me if I was camming from the begining he met me.
So... awesome, I feel like if I keep camming, we are going to break up, and if I stop camming we might break up anyway because I feel resentful for this now.. its like, well, I would still love him and be with him even if you decided to do porn for money, which we have talked about before, I would get jelaous, maybe at the begining it would be hard, but I would probably end up doing porn too. But thats just how I am.
I'm really sorry for venting here but im like going crazy
Susperia
08-31-2015, 11:29 AM
My husband tolerates it. He isn't happy about me camming, but he let's me do it because he knows it brings in the money that we need. He does co-star with me in my videos. Once he tried to cam with me...but got performance shy...lol. He's a bit of a jealous person to begin with, but I always remind him that its a job and I'm performing for an audience. That kinda helps, but he gets annoyed because I do spend a lot of time on cam and talk about it alot. We've been married 14 years and I started doing this full time about a year ago....so its a big change for our marriage.
kiki399
08-31-2015, 07:43 PM
When I was married I did cam and I did enjoy it, my late husband who I seperated from last year, always knew I really enjoyed camming and the money. He was insecure, ladies, if a man is insecure, watch out it gets bad with other things, not just camming. After our seperation, I told him I had to cam again to support our 3 children that he was not paying child support for, it still angered him and got him jealous. Hell, I got 3 kids and need money. Now I am dating a guy, hes ok with it and like he says he doesnt have a say either because he knows Im a single mom. He is not thrilled with it. But one thing I will tell you, if a man CANT accept how I earn my living, I dont want him. I am who I am, and I enjoy my job. Then especially I am talking boyfriends here ladies, then he is NOT the one for me! You can never rely on anybody but yourself and if we know what works, then kudos to all of us! If a guy wants to get between a job, like I have described it as an acting/sales job.....thats it. Insecure man only equals headaches and heartache!
Kitcatt
08-31-2015, 08:14 PM
Thats awesome, I havent really told any of my friends yet either, but I guess if I did it for 2 years I would tell some of the closest ones. With my guy we have been together for a little more than 2 years, and I started camming month and a half ago, and pretty much its coming to the point where is either camming or him, I guess I can work as a weitress or something.
I just did like camming and the freedom it gives me. I feel empowered, I can take a free day when I decide, or work as many hours as I decide, and many other things u already know, of course its has down sides too but idk..
It also hurts me a little the fact that if he loves me so much, it shouldnt affect our relationship at this degree, the fact that I do this, but he sees it like if I was straight up a prostitute, which I have nothing against of course, but having a boyfriend and sleeping with other guys for money is just not something I would do.
He sees it as the same thing, like he would've never been with me if I was camming from the begining he met me.
So... awesome, I feel like if I keep camming, we are going to break up, and if I stop camming we might break up anyway because I feel resentful for this now.. its like, well, I would still love him and be with him even if you decided to do porn for money, which we have talked about before, I would get jelaous, maybe at the begining it would be hard, but I would probably end up doing porn too. But thats just how I am.
I'm really sorry for venting here but im like going crazy
Girl, tell your friends. All of my friends know and they think it's awesome and love my stories. I am SUPER open about what I do because, if they don't understand that this is a job and don't get the level of amusement about it that I do, they should probably not be on my friends list. Friends don't judge.
And neither should boyfriends. I think that it has less to do with you showing your ho-ha to another man that he has an issue with than the idea that another man who has waaaaay more money than you is willing to shower you with attention and cash. I think that most guys who have issue with this job is that you will find a man who's more interesting than they are (and I'm sorry, it sounds like in his case that wouldn't be that hard).
TrifilinCamHo
08-31-2015, 09:23 PM
I have a rad boyfriend whom I live with. He is supportive but not over-involved, minds his own business and makes himself scarce when I need to work without guilt tripping me about it which is nice. The only thing that has ever been an issue is that he, like pretty much everyone else who doesn't do this for a living, can't quite wrap his head around the fact that it's way more difficult and nuanced than it appears to be. The other day we got into a little tiff because I was coming off of a brutal day and wasn't being the most conversational and he took it personally. Like dude, I am so fucking drained right now I can't really articulate my own thoughts in the verbal sense. Chill out.
IllyriaStorm
08-31-2015, 09:53 PM
My husband has been amazing. I've only been doing this for 3-4 weeks so far but he has been great. He likes to kind of eavesdrop on my shows, which turns him on, and knowing that he's eavesdropping is a big turn-on for me too. Plus he loves my stories and when I have particularly hard days/nights he encourages me to stay on. When I'm done with a lobg day he's always there with a back rub and a hot bath. Since I'm the current breadwinner in our household (he's finishing up a Ph.D program) he definitely understands and respects the work.
DeepThoughts
08-31-2015, 09:54 PM
I just did like camming and the freedom it gives me. I feel empowered.
It also hurts me a little the fact that if he loves me so much, it shouldnt affect our relationship at this degree, the fact that I do this, but he sees it like if I was straight up a prostitute.
I'm really sorry for venting here but im like going crazy
Go on and Vent a bit girl. Your not the only one with man issues! Personally I love to hear the good, the bad and the ugly!
What is bothering me about your posts is that this is a straight up jealousy issue. He is jealous of you. When a person is jealous of a partner its because of low self esteem. This guy is in no way confident because he has no love for himself. He has no love for himself. He Has NO love for himself! Get it??
This is his issue, not your issue. When things like this crop up in relationships its easy to say thing like "if he loves me then......" but the truth is its not about how much he loves you its about how much he loves himself! Stop making excuses for him! Your not having sex with men for money. your preforming on cam for men for money. He has a big human brain, he understands the difference. To tell you otherwise is just because he is grasping at reasons to get you to stop. He believes if you stop doing this one thing that hurts his ego he will be happy but that is also a lie. His happiness is not dependent on you.
You feel empowered by this job? Awesome! You told him that until he can support you fully your not stopping? Good. I would just worry that this is a quick fix and it wont last. Time to get really real with yourself! What if that high paying job he is hoping to get doesnt come for a couple of years? What if he gets a job that HE feels is sufficient to pay bills etc but its still not enough money for you? What if he starts supporting you 100% but he is still jealous?
Work on the real issue with him and see how he does. If he wont deal with his issue then you have to decide between staying with an insecure man or leaving one. Its that simple.
^^^ My last relationship turned bad cause of his bad behavior, nothing extreme but enough to make me leave him; at a point i asked him "why u behave like this, i dont deserve this, i am a good woman to u", u know what he answered? "it's me because i am a wreck & miserable & dont know how to treat u good as u deserve".
So it had nothing to do with me, it was him who felt worthless so he put all anger on me. Go figure.
Sphynx Lions
09-01-2015, 11:05 AM
Go on and Vent a bit girl. Your not the only one with man issues! Personally I love to hear the good, the bad and the ugly!
What is bothering me about your posts is that this is a straight up jealousy issue. He is jealous of you. When a person is jealous of a partner its because of low self esteem. This guy is in no way confident because he has no love for himself. He has no love for himself. He Has NO love for himself! Get it??
This is his issue, not your issue. When things like this crop up in relationships its easy to say thing like "if he loves me then......" but the truth is its not about how much he loves you its about how much he loves himself! Stop making excuses for him! Your not having sex with men for money. your preforming on cam for men for money. He has a big human brain, he understands the difference. To tell you otherwise is just because he is grasping at reasons to get you to stop. He believes if you stop doing this one thing that hurts his ego he will be happy but that is also a lie. His happiness is not dependent on you.
You feel empowered by this job? Awesome! You told him that until he can support you fully your not stopping? Good. I would just worry that this is a quick fix and it wont last. Time to get really real with yourself! What if that high paying job he is hoping to get doesnt come for a couple of years? What if he gets a job that HE feels is sufficient to pay bills etc but its still not enough money for you? What if he starts supporting you 100% but he is still jealous?
Work on the real issue with him and see how he does. If he wont deal with his issue then you have to decide between staying with an insecure man or leaving one. Its that simple.
Thank you so much for this deepthoughts. And yes you are right, and we had pretty much this exact conversation, this things you are saying, I told those to him, because imagine that if you can see it, how obvious it is for me... Its still good to see other people saying me this things because I dont feel like I am tripping.
But, he is just not going thru the best moment right now.
I dont want to leave him beacause I know he can be better than this, I am giving him the time, because I love him and he really is a great guy, he has always been very supportive and he's trying to work with his issue with camming, to support me.
For now we got to the point where I am going to cam, when he cant see me, either when he is sleeping or when he is not home. And I will try not to talk about it alll the time.
I feel like this might be a good job for me, which is pretty damn hard to find if you ask me, true that I am just starting out, and I have no idea what it will happen in the future, but I dont feel bad about it at all. The complete opposite actually.
He doesnt get it, he thinks I am just taking the easy way out, instead of going to work somewhere under the table, busting my ass off doing something I hate making money for another persons business, thats just not me.
I dont think he is afraid of me leaving with another guy, I think maybe its more being afraid of me not needing him anymore.
And thats not somehting bad for me, like.. if he cant support me like he wish he could, why is it so bad that I can support myself? and even if he could support me, I shoudl be able to make money for the day we are nto together anymore.
I want to see how camming/videos etc work for me, and I might keep doing it for a very long time, Im getting to the point where I dont want to go get a vanilla job, its just not me.
I always wanted to be in porn, it just had a lot of downsides, I discovered camming a year ago, I didnt start doing it because he didnt want me to. A year later he was ok with it at the begining, then he wasnt, now he is, as long as he doesnt have to see me, sometimes he says, sorry maybe I am overeacting, sometimes he says you are just like a prostitute, tbh, I feel like I should just do whatever the hell I think its right for me and let him deal with his issues.
I will try to help of course, but I need to make my own path, maybe even my own mistakes.
AngelicaFox
09-07-2015, 11:24 AM
I've been following this thread, and I'm glad for the variety of examples of how partners feel about our work. It can be easier to assess what we find acceptable looking from the outside.
I wanted to cam for years, and I had a controlling boyfriend at one point. He was never OK with my not wanting a standard job, even though he worked from home himself. When I brought up camming he played on my insecurities, telling me that I was too sensitive for it and I would cry when I got trolled (he made me cry regularly; trolls never have).
My heart has never felt such relief as when I left that man. Nor such possibility and hope for success in life as when I finally started camming.
It had proved, over many iterations, impossible for me to work a regular job. I had considered applying for mental disability, but it felt like an admission of failure. Temperamentally, I cannot do the kind of work that most people do, but most people can't do the kind of work I do, and so I have the financial advantage.
That is, as long as I have the personal freedom to pursue this work.
All that prefaces my update!
My boyfriend, I mentioned earlier in this thread, was for practical purposes OK with me camming, but admitted he had some insecurities about it. When I started camming, I fretted about this a lot. I checked in with him often. Now and then he was disturbed by something. I noticed a certain tension in myself, an undermining fear while I was working. I was highly sensitive to his needs, and he could easily have exploited that, but he did not.
He was objective and assessed what was best for us as a couple, checked any passive-aggressive impulses, and over time processed whatever reservations he'd had and is genuinely cool with my work. That subversive tension in me is gone. I'm really happy that I can go forward treating camming as a business and not a deviation in our partnership.
Also, customers sometimes give me interesting ideas, which my boyfriend and I get to actually experience :)
curvydancer25
09-07-2015, 03:16 PM
My boyfriend SAYS he understands..BUT I know he doesn't. If I choose not to work right in front of him in the same room, he thinks I'm trying to enjoy myself without him. If I'm riding the dildo or fingering myself with extra moaning, he thinks I'm having an orgasm all the time. Or he thinks when a guy turns his cam on I'm enjoying it to the tenth power. Right now with our living situation, I have no choice but to work in the same room with him while he's playing his game and I absolutely fucking hate it. I can't be myself and just be free. He might play music and think he's helping and try to be apart of it but it's not helping anything. The music was too loud last time and guys couldn't hear me talk, but he was over there watching enjoying it like he was in a club or something. It's so fucking annoying. My only choice is to work in a closet if I want to be away from him. It's hot in there but at times I don't care because I'm away from him. I hate having to wait for him to go to work in order for me to get online, but that's what I do most of the time. I hate wasting all that time.
JaneBurgess
09-07-2015, 03:44 PM
Can you ask him to leave when you're working?
My boyfriend SAYS he understands..BUT I know he doesn't. If I choose not to work right in front of him in the same room, he thinks I'm trying to enjoy myself without him. If I'm riding the dildo or fingering myself with extra moaning, he thinks I'm having an orgasm all the time. Or he thinks when a guy turns his cam on I'm enjoying it to the tenth power. Right now with our living situation, I have no choice but to work in the same room with him while he's playing his game and I absolutely fucking hate it. I can't be myself and just be free. He might play music and think he's helping and try to be apart of it but it's not helping anything. The music was too loud last time and guys couldn't hear me talk, but he was over there watching enjoying it like he was in a club or something. It's so fucking annoying. My only choice is to work in a closet if I want to be away from him. It's hot in there but at times I don't care because I'm away from him. I hate having to wait for him to go to work in order for me to get online, but that's what I do most of the time. I hate wasting all that time.
seicento
09-07-2015, 08:28 PM
My boyfriend SAYS he understands..BUT I know he doesn't. If I choose not to work right in front of him in the same room, he thinks I'm trying to enjoy myself without him. If I'm riding the dildo or fingering myself with extra moaning, he thinks I'm having an orgasm all the time. Or he thinks when a guy turns his cam on I'm enjoying it to the tenth power. Right now with our living situation, I have no choice but to work in the same room with him while he's playing his game and I absolutely fucking hate it. I can't be myself and just be free. He might play music and think he's helping and try to be apart of it but it's not helping anything. The music was too loud last time and guys couldn't hear me talk, but he was over there watching enjoying it like he was in a club or something. It's so fucking annoying. My only choice is to work in a closet if I want to be away from him. It's hot in there but at times I don't care because I'm away from him. I hate having to wait for him to go to work in order for me to get online, but that's what I do most of the time. I hate wasting all that time.
That sounds awful.Even if you were enjoying yourself on cam,there is nothing wrong in that.I know it's hard to cam with bf in the same room as I did that when me and my ex were living in a studio apartment but in your case is so much worse :(
kortneykay
09-07-2015, 08:56 PM
I'm currently seeing this new guy and he's extremely accepting of what I do. He's an amazing person, not jealous at all and he gives the best cuddles. I think I'll let him stick around for a while and if we ever got to the point where we lived together our schedules would match up perfectly anyway not to mention he can stay in the man cave while I worked in the office. Thankfully he has an amazing job so he won't be pimping me out even if I allowed it. You guys all know my money is my money and his money is my money too, hehe.
EffyRose
09-08-2015, 06:44 AM
You guys all know my money is my money and his money is my money too, hehe.
True dat.
kortneykay
09-08-2015, 08:02 AM
True dat.
Seriously, he was like "I have $x,xxx left over after all my bills are paid and I love to spoil my girl." He mentioned how his ex was always laced up (hair, nails, clothes)from him but was lazy in bed. I was thinking "You told the wrong bitch." Paid gf! Loose lips sink ships and bank accounts. But no, I'd honestly prefer to buy my own shit and spoil right back. My ex used to buy me things and his heart was so wrapped up into materials that he would literally break the things he would buy me or threaten to take them back so I leave the giving to holidays, birthdays, and dinner. Sorry, I can't give you back the last meal you bough me. *chuckles*
Truebebeblue
09-08-2015, 09:35 AM
My guy struggles with it. We have had some bad days because of it,
part of the reason is because we are temporarily long distance and
camsex is a big part of that. So in his insecurity he sees me interacting
with men in a sexual way and equates it with what we do together
(even though its very different to me).
He has never asked me to stop and knows it is HIS issue. I do still feel badly
but currently there is no other job I can do and make the same amount of money in
the same amount of time. He spoke to his therapist about it and he basically told
him he was being ridiculous and that it was just a job. That really made me feel
better because a Non SW was like.. dude,check yourself.
It is still an underlying issue but seems ok for now.
I am completely crazy about him and would quit if I had to choose,as much as my inner
feminist is disgusted by it. Luckily it hasn't come to that.
zorasky
09-08-2015, 10:20 AM
I am so very fortunate to have a boyfriend who has always been accepting and understanding of my work. He is confident enough in himself to be confident in me, and I am ever grateful for that. We were openly sexually explorative together from the get-go, as our relationship started out as more of a "fuckbuddy" situation. I was an exotic dancer at the time, and he always considered it as more of a bragging right than anything, to be dating a stripper. He would come in to the club and watch me, occasionally tipping other dancers to show support. When I started camming, he was all for it, and even volunteered to make occasional guest appearances. We have understandings about many things, from work to inviting other people into bed with us, and I couldn't be happier about it.
MessyChick
09-08-2015, 03:25 PM
take mine off the understanding pile and burn him in the twat pile please
AngelicaFox
09-08-2015, 07:44 PM
My guy struggles with it. We have had some bad days because of it,
part of the reason is because we are temporarily long distance and
camsex is a big part of that. So in his insecurity he sees me interacting
with men in a sexual way and equates it with what we do together
(even though its very different to me).
He has never asked me to stop and knows it is HIS issue. I do still feel badly
but currently there is no other job I can do and make the same amount of money in
the same amount of time. He spoke to his therapist about it and he basically told
him he was being ridiculous and that it was just a job. That really made me feel
better because a Non SW was like.. dude,check yourself.
It is still an underlying issue but seems ok for now.
I am completely crazy about him and would quit if I had to choose,as much as my inner
feminist is disgusted by it. Luckily it hasn't come to that.
I totally relate. Both with being at least partially willing to TRY not camming for his sake, and the attendant self-disgust :p
I think it's awesome that your guy sees a therapist!
SimoneGray
09-09-2015, 12:20 AM
So in my recent interactions with guys, I've found that the ones in the arts are the most accepting of this type of profession, because they more than anyone else know what its like to get physical with someone as "just a job"...so, I think my next guy will definitely be in the creative arts, because the conversation will be way less awkward and I highly doubt he'll have as many issues as a normal guy who doesn't know what its like to separate yourself from yourself.
Submissive_Slut
09-09-2015, 01:04 AM
I am so very fortunate to have a boyfriend who has always been accepting and understanding of my work. He is confident enough in himself to be confident in me, and I am ever grateful for that. We were openly sexually explorative together from the get-go, as our relationship started out as more of a "fuckbuddy" situation. I was an exotic dancer at the time, and he always considered it as more of a bragging right than anything, to be dating a stripper. He would come in to the club and watch me, occasionally tipping other dancers to show support. When I started camming, he was all for it, and even volunteered to make occasional guest appearances. We have understandings about many things, from work to inviting other people into bed with us, and I couldn't be happier about it.
awww you're so lucky :)
ShyCamgirlBB
10-14-2015, 06:50 PM
This morning my husband tried to wake me up to early after a long night camming. I did a few dom sessions the night before. The first thing I said to him was "Go away you fucking loser!" he got so pissy with me LOL I apologized later saying that I had a few femdom clients and I was dreaming about camming LMAO Who said dating a camgirl would be easy?