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Genoveve
12-28-2020, 08:03 PM
I hate the week between Christmas and New Years. I love NYE, but I hate this week-long gap. I know I don't have to wait until January 1st to start new habits and routines, but this week is always so weird with work and social schedules. Plus, I always feel the hangover of the burden of Christmas being lifted and don't want to do anything productive for a few days. But then I feel crappy and lazy. It always sucks and feels like a time-warp.

Same. My issue is that I'm so excited to celebrate NYE that everything till then feels like it's dragging. Also my schedule for the week is so thrown off because of everything I have to do in preparation for it that I'm super unmotivated to do the stuff that I have to do.

AChildOfBoredom
12-28-2020, 08:28 PM
For to not hijack the gratitude thread…


Well I mean, one had their hands on you and the other was planning to try and whoop your ass, you have to do what you have to do. Displaying good manners only matters up to a certain point.


It’s not that I regret retaliating against him after he repeatedly ignored me and put his hands on me several times. It’s not that I regret retaliating against the dancer who slapped me, nor getting the better of those two girls who had been bullying my sister in school. I do criticize myself somewhat because I feel I didn’t really put enough effort into preventing them, but whose to say I would’ve succeeded if I had?

What worries me is that I was hoping she’d try it. If a bouncer hadn’t pulled me off, I don’t know when I would’ve stopped with the dancer I fought. And with the girls who’d been bullying my sister, not only for how far I took it with them, but also because S had grabbed the third girl, took her to the ground, and kept her out of the fight… then she apologized to me later on for not beating her the way I’d beaten the other two. She’s been living with me since she was 15, so to some extent I do feel like I had a hand in raising her. That’s really not what I want to impart on her.

And people chalk it up to the war, but it really started before then… some guy cornered me in high school, whipped out his dick and told me he knew I wanted it, and actually started rubbing it on me. The Mennonite children typically stopped school after 8th grade, so I was one of the only ones in high school, and we were always fucked with constantly. And especially me… height always seemed to work against me there, plus nonresistance was always a cornerstone of what was preached to us. So, I ended up being scorned by the community elders and be acquired the nickname “pencil dick” after that encounter.

I just don’t like to see indications of me becoming something I don’t want to become, and I especially don’t want it to cross over into my interactions with others. I’ve never so much as raised my voice in anger at the girls here (in bewilderment, yes, but not anger). We do disagree, and we do argue, but we don’t raise our voices at each other. And I’ve certainly never put hands on them out of anger or annoyance (except fir the time I flicked S’s girlfriend on the ear and told her to stop being a jackass). I just worry sometime I could lose my inhibitions about that. And then there’s my sister - who is much more receptive to that way of life and its teachings. That night in the parking lot brought S and I closer (and the relationship between us also brings to light another thing about myself I’m less than thrilled with), but it kinda alienated my sister to see me beat the shit out of those two girls.

For the others living here, and especially the two who’ve been completely shut out by their own families - I want this to be a welcoming, safe, and overall happy place for them. I don’t think I can do that if I don’t get this thing under control.


sorry. I didn’t mean hurt your feelings. I’m glad you’re okay now.

When one dog bites and snarls at another dog. Its gotta bite back to protect itself!

I’m sorry if I worded that poorly. My feelings weren’t hurt, I just take some issue with myself over what happened and how I dealt with it, and I never thought of myself as any sort of bad bitch, badass, etc. and it just feels weird, how different others perceive me vs. how I perceive myself.

moneybags
12-28-2020, 09:57 PM
I totally understand.

I don’t know how to say it, so I’ll just speak from my heart. I’ve had to do a lot of things good and bad just to survive. People say, “Oh you’re so strong,” I had to be a be strong to survive! There was a period I wanted to die everyday of my life, and it was nothing short of self-preservation that got me out of bed. I don’t know how I’ve survived most of life-it’s a miracle. Often people compliment me on how strong I am, and it’s kind of a bitter sweet compliment isn’t it? Yes I’m a survivor, but sometimes I don’t want to be reminded of it because I know where those survival traits came from. It’s not a bad thing. I should be proud of doing whatever I needed to do to survive, but I don’t always feel that way.

There’s a saying when fighting the monster, don’t become the monster.

Genoveve
12-28-2020, 10:56 PM
Earning money on OF is not as easy as some people make it out to be.

My assumption with OF is that it's just like how it is with camming and stripping and porn...etc. where people see the like, .001% of top earners making crazy money and assume that it's really just easy money all around.

miss.a.p1600
12-29-2020, 05:51 AM
Why is it that men must always make that awful noise when they are brushing their teeth like they are hacking up a lung or something? Like why can't I just brush her teeth normal? It's so damn gross.

L makes this weird annoying squeaking noise with his ears every night or morning

JGB2009
12-29-2020, 10:31 AM
I Kind of wanted to talk to my friend about a certain subject but I swore I never would speak to her about that subject again. I will figure it out like I always do.

carmen_b
12-29-2020, 10:52 AM
Money : I feel like people sometimes don’t REALLY respect when you’ve gone through hard times!
It’s almost like you need to be discreet about it !
Maybe it’s my experience or just what I did ! Ugh.

indiegirl
12-29-2020, 12:01 PM
I want me a man like John Legend. He has the cutest kids too.

I finally found the review that posted my personal phone number and had the phone number removed. Thank god. I was getting round the clock phone calls, texts on my main line thinking I was a new girl on the site. I've prolly seen most of these guys. TER said they won't merge my 2nd account unless someone reports it, which was nice of them.

moneybags
12-29-2020, 12:20 PM
Money : I feel like people sometimes don’t REALLY respect when you’ve gone through hard times!
It’s almost like you need to be discreet about it !
Maybe it’s my experience or just what I did ! Ugh.

we live in a victim blaming culture. So I don’t tell anyone who hasn’t earned the privilege of hearing my story. I say things like I’ve been through a lot. I’m very vague. I don’t tell people the details of my life. Most people are just curious, they don’t REALLY care.


I feel stuck in limbo until the New Year starts. I don’t want to start any of my goals until the 31st. SM is weird. New Year’s Eve starts the 30th at 6pm for their contest. I really don’t feel ready to start grinding until the 31st at midnight.

carmen_b
12-29-2020, 01:32 PM
^ yes.

I’m so discreet about my hard times ( over 10-12 years ago ).
The victim thing but also I’ve come so far. It’s not completely relevant now.

indiegirl
12-29-2020, 04:07 PM
I had the most bizarre nap dream that felt real to the point I woke up thinking "fuck I gotta get the cinnamon cookie dough outta the microwave (clearly cookie dough doesn't belong in the microwave) before I burn the house down" Obviously I checked when I woke up. No cookie dough haha. Oh well. Eating baby carrots before work.

AChildOfBoredom
12-29-2020, 09:06 PM
My kitchen is overrun by lesbians making baked goods, because S and her girlfriend invited some other couples over. Of course some weird shit like this would happen to me. When I bought this house, I never imagined I’d ever have even one in it. Now it’s as if I’m collecting them like Pokémon.

On the bright side, they were thoughtful enough to use a mini tray so they could make some cupcakes for me. The ones they made are delicious, but extremely rich, and I’d have never made it through a regular sized one. I’ve never really had a sweet tooth… I’m much prefer pretzels over candy.

LoveyDovey
12-29-2020, 09:33 PM
I really been enjoying veggie pasta lately. I like pasta, but I really like the idea of having a low low-carb option.

AChildOfBoredom
12-30-2020, 04:00 PM
I’m having an inner conflict… over chocolate chip pancakes. It feels inherently wrong, yet…

Genoveve
12-30-2020, 05:10 PM
^^I love chocolate chip pancakes. I never really make bread but at some point I want to start and my first project will probably be chocolate chip brioche: https://www.patisseriemakesperfect.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/chocchipbrioche-4-scaled.jpg

I've made these before and they were amazing: https://www.marthastewart.com/334201/grilled-chocolate-sandwiches

I'm a chocoholic.

AChildOfBoredom
12-30-2020, 05:31 PM
I don’t really have much of a sweet tooth. I didn’t have sugary snacks and beverages growing up, and I just really can’t handle them now. Even one of those mini cupcakes last night was a bit much for me.

S amd her girlfriend made them this morning. Her response when I brought that up was, “Hush, you defend pineapple on pizza”.

carmen_b
12-30-2020, 05:42 PM
I've been doing some thinking lately and am considering filing charges against my abuser from a year ago.

There are some factors that are making me think about it.

A: I am 99% sure he removed a condom and this is a CRIME not an accident ect.
I had to go then waste MY time getting tested / getting plan B ect. !

B : My main fear was that ( as a business owner ) he would figure out a way to trash my business by spamming bad online reviews or something OR outing me as a former sex worker as I disclosed dancing past to him. I honestly am just worried less about this currently . I haven't made much from this business in 9 months anyway and I certainly hope for a return BUT I could always do a discreet 2nd business re-brand without my name attached and start a 2nd one in case he did something like that.

I don't know. It has just been on mind lately that he might be hurting other women.
There is this online friend I have. I told her that my police response time was 8 minutes ( I left my abuser on the first incident and I'm kind of a rare case ). I was personally impressed by the response time but she was telling me that she has experience with other women in this town and that batch of police barely know what they are doing to help women . So this is a 2nd issue. This is a very upscale ski town we are talking about and I'm thinking of putting a guideline together with her for the police and presenting it to them . I can't do this while pretending these issues didn't happen to me.

Anyway ..... I am not sure I will do it but I have been thinking about it more.

I'm curious if there is a website a woman can enter a name / location in to report abuse as a way to warn other women. Does this exist ?

WendiStarr
12-30-2020, 08:35 PM
I'm trying to think of what to cook for NYE dinner. It was always just my oldest and I. For years we'd order a pizza, bake cookies, and watch Twilight Zone marathon. Nothing seems as exciting this year.

carmen_b
12-30-2020, 08:45 PM
^ I'm thinking of doing a meat and cheeses tray but putting a lot into it. Like ..... cooked sausages in slivers and nice mustard / kraught along with the standards. I guess in part because then all I have to cook is that one thing haha and the deli can just slice the rest.

AChildOfBoredom
12-31-2020, 12:32 PM
We found another car for S. Little 2013 Chevy Sonic. Hardly a race car, but good mileage, and she’s happy it has a manual. Lenders wanted to charge her 24% APR. I can understand, given that she has no credit history. I was just going to take the money from savings and pay it off, but she wants to build up her credit history, so I cosigned on the loan and my credit it spotless, so that brought the APR way down. I matched what she put for a down payment, and so her monthly payment is $103. Glad we got that sorted out.

carmen_b
12-31-2020, 03:07 PM
Traveling to Hawaii is cheap AF right now just FYI .

I am so tempted.

I just got on expedia to look at the last week of Feb.
7 days at a hotel ( and a GOOD one ) with the flight was $601 per person. With the stupid resort fee hidden fee bullshit about $700 each.

carmen_b
12-31-2020, 03:08 PM
J is so covid paranoid ( he has phases leaving the house very little ) that it's probably slim to get him to join.
I'm kind of tempted just to figure out where / how to do this test ( you need a negative text within 72 hours from the city you fly out of ). People are being stupid as hell not reading the fine print and getting stuck because they were not tested in their final departure city. Such a damn bargain for the risk tolerant folks I guess. :)

This trip would be $1500 each in normal times ( the hotel is typically $300 a night for just that part )

WendiStarr
12-31-2020, 07:40 PM
I don't know if I'll be able to stay up until midnight. I'm tired already. I've become super lame, haha.

carmen_b
12-31-2020, 07:50 PM
^ My goal is 10 pm !
Happy new year everyone!

lynn2009
12-31-2020, 08:24 PM
I'm a night owl, I love nighttime & how peaceful it is. but I think I'm going to take melatonin and go to sleep early. I'm just over 2020 and all of it.

LoveyDovey
01-01-2021, 07:33 AM
Boyfriend and I texted last Sunday and everything was good and fine. We planned on seeing each other this week. I haven't heard from him since Sunday. Texted him last night to wish him a Happy New Year's eve and no response. I'm worried. Hope everything is okay .I'm a little worried.

AChildOfBoredom
01-01-2021, 11:43 AM
I got drunk to the point I blacked out last night, which I’d never done before. Not that I was feeling celebratory… in a fashion, perhaps I was. I honestly thought this was the end of the hallucination. To find out it isn’t… of course I’m happy to see everyone, but disappointed at the same time. In my mind, it’s been over 10 years of preparing myself for that moment, and it just really felt like this was it. It torments me.

On a more sunny side of things, I apparently ran over to the neighbors’ house to tell them that I should’ve named my dog (a Beagle who I simply named Beagle) Corgi and they could’ve named their dog (a Corgi) Beagle and if people questioned it, we could tell them not to worry about it because it isn’t real and all that exists is the void. And I apparently went on a bit of a spiel extolling the virtues of fajitas and made up a little song and dance to go with it.

Believe me, I’m paying for it now.

JGB2009
01-01-2021, 05:16 PM
Double post...

JGB2009
01-01-2021, 05:22 PM
Boyfriend and I texted last Sunday and everything was good and fine. We planned on seeing each other this week. I haven't heard from him since Sunday. Texted him last night to wish him a Happy New Year's eve and no response. I'm worried. Hope everything is okay .I'm a little worried.

I hope he's ok. Did u hear back from him yet?

LoveyDovey
01-01-2021, 09:34 PM
I hope he's ok. Did u hear back from him yet?

No. I texted him a happy new year meme this morning and still no word. Idk why he won't respond. Everything between us was good, he told me he missed me. He recovered from covid so I know it's not that. I hope his Grandma is ok. She had covid but it seemed like she was okay even though she is 78, a cancer survivor and diabetic. Hope his son is ok, he stayed with his mom when my guy was sick.

I'm not going to text him in case he has a lot going on. Better to just wait for him to get in touch. I just hope he's ok.

Thank you for asking.

WendiStarr
01-02-2021, 12:02 PM
I'll be traveling down south to TN and NC next week to visit family. It was a spur of the moment decision. I figured might as well get one last family trip in before I start my new vanilla job. We'll be staying at a cabin in the smokies. I haven't been there in like 4 years now

carmen_b
01-02-2021, 12:30 PM
Lovey : it’s been 5-6 days since you heard from him ? Scary.

AChildOfBoredom
01-02-2021, 01:25 PM
When I decided I wanted to get back into towing and recovery, I’m glad I went with a AAA affiliate company, rather than my old company. They do a lot of PPIs (private parking impounds) and repossessions, and I’ve done those, as well. This pandemic really has a lot of people hurting, and I know these things are still going to happen to people, but I really don’t want to be a cog in that mechanism right now.

carmen_b
01-02-2021, 01:46 PM
^ My friend who did towing made such great $ !

I could see that ! The energy of taking a broken car away vs helping creating an expensive situation for someone.

LoveyDovey
01-02-2021, 02:37 PM
Lovey : it’s been 5-6 days since you heard from him ? Scary.

I know. I am concerned. Still no word from him.

Everything is fine between us. I'm worried if it's family stuff. Like I hope his grandma is okay, BC she had covid and I hope she didn't take a turn for the worse.

I'm not going to text him again. Don't want to make things worse if he is going through some sort of drama.

indiegirl
01-02-2021, 03:36 PM
Ahh!! Waiting on grocery delivery at home smelling patchouli scent out of my essential oil diffuser being happy home with the dogs. :)!

AChildOfBoredom
01-02-2021, 04:50 PM
^ My friend who did towing made such great $ !

I could see that ! The energy of taking a broken car away vs helping creating an expensive situation for someone.

If someone buys a Mercedes and can’t pay their note because all their money went up their nose, I’m less empathetic than I am in an instance where someone got injured on the job, the courts jerked them around, and now they’re losing their ass because of it. Especially repos for ‘buy here, pay here’ lots, because you know the whole thing was a raw deal for the buyer from the get-go.

And word really travels in this industry, especially among single men in it, it seems. I always have tow operators I’ve never before introducing themselves and they already know my name.

Genoveve
01-02-2021, 05:25 PM
My friend got me this sweatshirt for Christmas:

53799

I love it.

indiegirl
01-03-2021, 07:15 AM
Maybe I need a benadryl or a nyquil pack to nap through 2021 at this rate.. Put myself in a self induced coma to wake up when things are normal finally LOL. The news is saying how LA has the highest numbers of covid cases. DUH I expected this. Nobody follows rules and I get it.....too fucking expensive to live here with one insulting stimulus check. The show must go on. I'll take this $600 change from the second stimulus because hey free money, but it's not solving my bills.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EHoxd3WeqA

LoveyDovey
01-03-2021, 02:06 PM
Still no word from boyfriend. I'm worried. This isn't good.

Aurora_Sunset
01-03-2021, 02:17 PM
I feel like I've been trying way too hard in terms of creating meals for our household. To save time and mental energy, I'm perfectly content to meal-prep one day a week and stick to eating the same thing for breakfast, same thing for lunch, and same thing for dinner for a week straight. But I always used to still pick pretty complicated and healthy meals that would take me 3-4 hours to meal-prep on Sundays. I used to get so mad, because I would make enough for my husband, and he would only eat one or two of them, and then let the rest sit and rot, claiming that "he gets bored of eating the same thing every day."

Well, that is clearly not true - he can eat the same damn things day in and day out - it just has to basically be toddler/19-year old college kid food. The last couple months since we've been broke af, our weekly menus have been bowls of mac n' chees with baked beans and hot dogs, ramen, PB&J sandwiches, and cans of Chef Boyardee for almost every meal. And he has never once complained - I've seen him eat ramen like 3 weeks in a row for lunch every day. -_-

yaya_cash
01-03-2021, 04:54 PM
So I was seeing this handsome man paired with this less attractive woman, that doesn't place a lot of effort into her appearance, and I began to wonder; and why she seemed aggressive. It turns out that the husband is abusive to her, verbally, physically and sexually. Poor her. And God bless her.

indiegirl
01-04-2021, 02:01 AM
I miss having circle lenses or desio icy blue cosmetic lenses (wore them for fun even though I have blue eyes)....and remember my first customer ever, who was an anesthesiologist, saw my eyes and immediately wanted me to take them out LOL. I was so into that k-pop big eye look back then. lol. I was so embarrassed he noticed because I was nervous trying hard for him since it was my 1st.

Now I roll up like Regina George style from Mean Girls thinking, "get in loser we're going shopping" for me during appointments LOLLL

lurkingtitties
01-04-2021, 07:02 AM
Circle lenses are cool! I know of a couple strippers who wear them. One has a Lolita style and the other is kawaii. Super embarrassing that your first custy ever called you on it, that’s so unlikely.

I had something sorta similar happen when I first started dancing. At first customers would constantly ask my if I was Puerto Rican (I’m white) so after a few shifts I decided I should play along. First customer I said I was rican to demanded I speak Spanish and I didn’t know any at the time. Lol womp womp

lurkingtitties
01-04-2021, 07:10 AM
Aurora I’m about that meal prep life too! I’m working on losing body fat and it’s the only way I can make healthy food decisions while working full time. Otherwise I too would just eat college kid food for dinner every night. I’m switching to bulking soon though and really looking forward to being able to having more variety in my diet bc right now it’s getting repetitive.

indiegirl
01-04-2021, 08:08 AM
Circle lenses are cool! I know of a couple strippers who wear them. One has a Lolita style and the other is kawaii. Super embarrassing that your first custy ever called you on it, that’s so unlikely.

I had something sorta similar happen when I first started dancing. At first customers would constantly ask my if I was Puerto Rican (I’m white) so after a few shifts I decided I should play along. First customer I said I was rican to demanded I speak Spanish and I didn’t know any at the time. Lol womp womp


He saw me in the elevator with circle lenses because I had to have him let me in to park my car in LA (not stripping other sex work). I was so embarrassed feeling like "damn" and I showed up trying SOO hard because I didn't know what to do and didn't want him to know it was my first time for that amount of money. LOL. When I'd wear the Icy blue Desio cosmetic lenses (back at the club) one return customer said "your eyes look creepy" What a mood killer. I stopped wearing them at the club. But some guys actually complimented the Desio ones. So miss those cosmetic contacts! You need a prescription now for them I believe but not for circle lenses?

moneybags
01-04-2021, 10:16 AM
I wish the there were affirmations for sex workers. I love affirmations. They need some for sex workers.

lurkingtitties
01-04-2021, 11:33 AM
The Dancers Resource on fb/ig posts some good ones!

carmen_b
01-05-2021, 11:53 AM
I started this program where artists can trade a piece for a stay in one of the AirBnB's I manage.

It took a little time ( setting expectations ect. and answering questions ) so I am working on a more formal agreement for it to be put online.

carmen_b
01-05-2021, 11:55 AM
Anyway ..... that brings me to the piece about what a challenge it is to be a perv in general ( I'm talking about me ).

This painter wrote to me wanting to come down and his work is INCREDIBLE .
If it wasn't I wouldn't have opened his website.
When I did open it ...... whoa. This dude is hot AF. Think Tall , Bearded, dark eyes to get a picture !

It took me about 30 min. of light online stalking to find out he is married !!! Ha !
I just HAD to know ! If not for me I have single friends who would appreciate him ( if he were also single ).