View Full Version : The Random Thoughts Thread...
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 01:11 PM
I am !
I just wanted to audition / get on a roster so I could return when clubs normalize.
It’s just as weird as others say . Bikini clubs / “ lounge “ operation.
I’m fully vaxxed but masks are required walking around until you sit down.
I only had two nights for the project and as expected I couldn’t stay awake past midnight haha ( that’s actually 1am to my body in my defense ha ).
I want some club options open earlier like 5 or 6 which I think normally is a thing here.
Right now though there are no clubs that I have found open before 7-8 pm.
^you in Vegas working?!
charlie61
04-06-2021, 01:23 PM
^congrats on getting back into it!! You're way braver than i am when it comes to returning to the club...i always get sooooo nervous and weird before i do it!
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 01:25 PM
^ I was !
I was “ gathering “ random things and completing my bag for a week ha.
I wouldn’t say working like 3 hours one day and 4-5 the next is back in but it’s a start .
:)
I used the limited windows I had.
indiegirl
04-06-2021, 01:28 PM
https://youtu.be/39Pjp-9waAo?t=750
Woo!!! I'm very open-minded when it comes to eating/trying new food but eating live coconut worms at a restaurant is something I can't do!
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 03:30 PM
I got angry again.
There are no fights or arguing other than how often to " incorporate " me.
I guess this is quite common in step family type situations .
I have read enough material you think I'd be a skilled pro but when I'm caught IN it ..... not so much.
I found myself CONVINCED last week he was wasting my time . This is based on the subject of not having me stay there 6 nights a week or doing a transition TO it after one year together which we passed last week. I don't even see myself in his area more than 19-20 nights in the upcoming 30 days. HE isn't going anywhere. He could leave town 48 hours MAX with effort ( prob not even worth it ).
As it sits he is NOT ready to have me here 6 nights a week . He is ok with 5 and I *usually* am but sometimes have a rough week ( this one ). :/
There IS something to it though and we are going to circle again with this counselor we saw about two months ago .
Our counseling has been a fail as we get busy and cancel.
I think the " crux " of how I feel is that I feel 100% that his daughter doesn't suffer at all with me in the house 1 OR 2 days of her 3 stay stays.
He wants to keep it at 1 night for now on the three day and 2 nights on the occasional 4 day ones . I can see both of them in day time 7 days a week but he wants these two evenings with her per week . We are talking like 6 p.m. - 9 p.m. which are hours I can so easily just be out of the house in and come back IF he would even let us attempt the 6 nights on a week. I guess I often just feel like this should be my " home " after how long it's been . I feel that her care doesn't suffer at ALL when I'm here . I'm always busy 9-5 anyway or HELPING him such as picking her up from something . If he wants " their " evening 6-9p.m. it's as easy as a dinner out and yoga on the 2nd night in a week that we are all there! Do I really need to be GONE the whole night ? Of course it's ME too absorbing ALL the inconvenience .
We just need to stop this already so I'm going to pull back somewhat and just get busy with things even though I don't entirely *agree* per say with how things are running.
It is *close* to what I want so maybe that is something at least. It's always SOMETHING in a relationship isn't it ?
I think the reality for me is that there is just a lot of disappointment that I am not moved in and I need to work through it.
I'm hoping to shift the energy by just being busy / working a lot ect .
moneybags
04-06-2021, 03:55 PM
^^^ I’m jealous you are going back to work. I hope it’s good!
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 04:28 PM
^ It is just in scouting phase !
I can not shift my sleep in normal life ( it's always Midnight to 8:15 ) so it's really just red bull ha if I want even one more hour to work .
I know I am handicapped trying to work but it's just what my body can do for now . Granted if I'm having a really good night it'll be easier to stay up which I hope will happen soon! I am working again just somewhat to have something to do 1-2 days a week other than feel like my day job isn't busy enough / stress about other things related to it / be in J's way.
WAY back when I was the QUEEN of long shifts . I'd get there at club opening ( 3:30 - 4 ) to get really cheap house and then just stay and stay.
Having masks in the clubs makes things odd and un-erotic in general and I think it affects the vibe ( obviously ).
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 06:32 PM
I wasn't the best to deal with on this staycation we just did .
At the time I felt justified in my behavior ( I felt really sexually unresponsive to him in Vegas 2 days after like 4 days of no sex prior to that) .
I'm not really sure how to correct what I did other than to just be more on it this week .
He gets visibly sad if he doesn't get anything sexually for 5-6 days so on day 7 I just helped him out .
^ This is getting long but the experience was good for me too it just took some time to get into it at all ( he offered to eat my pussy and I couldn't say no hahaha ).
I know it's wrong to withhold sex but I was genuinely not interested and not wanting to push my body.
God .... I'll take the above rambles down but if a shift / change can't happen or I CAN'T let this go I've got to get in motion to get out of this relationship !
I did good Sunday. I left and used my free casino stay haha then today ( Tues ) I feel like shit again about it all. He treats me well overall ! Other than me failing on the sex front we had a great Vegas trip. Four restaurants lol !
I circle back to this often in irritation.
I wish I just had to be out of town two days a week or something that was more seamless so I might manufacture it / just be in town 5 days overall .
The other stuff I tried in March ( always having other plans those two days and being VERY proactive ) only seemed to " sort of " work .
charlie61
04-06-2021, 08:23 PM
^I think you should listen to your gut. ♡
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 08:28 PM
The part that says demand to stay 6 days or Ill leave ?
Or the part that says to just pack up randomly one day and ignore communication going forward ?
Lol. It alternates !!
It got a little dark today because I was realizing even if he GAVE me the 6 days I'm not sure I feel great .
I do indeed seem not ok with 5 even after this extensive effort in March on my part.
I actually thought somewhat that if I just put in REAL effort ( always having other plans those evenings ) it might help which it did but only half way!
:/
Maybe I’m shifting a bit to believing I’m being mistreated.
I think I would always just give SO much slack because when someone says " my child needs this " and you LOVE that child how can you argue ?
When I mentioned last week it is " abnormal " for a couple to live apart after a year he just was like " it's been a crazy year " . Ok true but also ..... it's abnormal !
I'm fine with 6 days too ( it is not as a ruse to get 7 ).
Today for example ...... it's 5:45 p.m. and daughter and I are happy on the couch reading. I know I'm supposed to leave so I let him know I'm packing in 10 minutes. There was just NO reason for me to need to pack that bag and drive off 35 minutes away. Everyone was settled and happy .
IF he wants to be operating with " one finger on the exit button " always ( not fully incorporating me ) it shouldn't surprise him that I have turned A LOT less responsive overall. Anyway ..... will delete 80% out of embarrassment . At least I'm making $ again hahaha.
moneybags
04-06-2021, 09:46 PM
^^^He sounds like he’s afraid of enmeshment. They only want you when you’re ready to leave because it feels safe. (Weird I know) He can’t have his cake and eat it too. If he wants to come and goes as he pleases then maybe he should be single? All relationships have costs and benefits and we negotiate them based on our wants and needs. Feeling pushed away will make you feel unwanted. But this has been going on for awhile with him giving you just enough to stay. I just want you to be happy. You deserve to feel loved and accepted in your full self and deserve nothing less but the best. You know what’s best for you and your situation.
Take what you like and leave the rest
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 09:52 PM
Thank you SO much for your take.
I feel it is really excessive ( requiring I’m away after 6 - 6:30 pm two nights a week ). I know it might work for some but considering I gave it some VERY serious pro - active effort it seems to be an issue for me. I don’t even anticipate being in town 6 nights a week for Spring / Summer months and it has still bothered me. :/
moneybags
04-06-2021, 10:04 PM
I didn’t say he was unfaithful? I’m confused...lol. I know you guys have non traditional sexual boundaries.
I hope you figure things out either way. I don’t think it’s unusual for guys to do everything they can to not commit. My aunt told her husband to propose or she was going to throw him out of the house...LOL.
carmen_b
04-06-2021, 10:07 PM
^ I think I read it wrong !
We are actually traditional ( monogamous ).
I just like kink , that might be where you thought we were poly .
We are not ( unless I take another lover ha ).
^ Yeah I know women who would 100% block / ignore if a year passed without proposing so it makes me feel spineless . I don’t want to “ force “ though either ( barf ). I think it’s best I just pull back quite a bit. I just wanted to create a home space . It wasn’t a proposal I was after ( currently anyway ).
lurkingtitties
04-07-2021, 04:09 AM
I think what you were saying about being fully moved in and just finding something to do from 6-9 pm on those 2 nights is so practical and reasonable... I don’t want to tell you what I think you should do but this def is an issue you’ve been unhappy over for a few months now!
Semi-related but I wanna get this off my chest because sometimes the negativity about men here gets to be a lot-I know a lot of good guys who proposed to their gfs in a reasonable time frame and without the woman nagging them about it.
LoveyDovey
04-07-2021, 06:28 AM
I'm happier with the way things are going with my guy. I want to fuck him so bad rn.
indiegirl
04-07-2021, 06:49 AM
Since having this new trash pickup, I can honestly say the people running it operate like they're self-employed and will start working whenever they please. It's 6:47am in the morning and here they are!! Some days it's 9am, noon, 4pm, or the following day. hahaha I don't understand! I just set my trash cans out a day in advance because only god knows when they're coming by. I've missed them before when I was coming home from work in the morning and was so annoyed because they won't take overflowing trash and had to put normal trash in the recycling bin for a week.
WendiStarr
04-07-2021, 09:07 AM
I've decided that I want to plant a couple Leyland Cyprus trees. It should make for adequate front yard privacy coverage. Now my issue is finding them locally. It seems everyone is suddenly buying up all the trees or the stores are understocking.
carmen_b
04-07-2021, 10:01 AM
I slept on it and figured out what I'd like to do.
I think the best thing to do right now if offer a friendship only / downshift the relationship.
This is motion to get the relationship " shifted " down in energy / time while I take a few days.
I didn't return any of his texts last night or this morning.
I am just too hurt from this repetition and process of needing to leave two nights a week after so long. It’s not ok.
It’s about 2pm now and I asked him to come to me to talk between 5-7 pm .
I went ahead and mentioned the idea of the downshift via text just now.
carmen_b
04-07-2021, 01:32 PM
I think so too. At this point ( a week ago ) I was asking for 6 days not even an official announcement of " we are moving in " to the daughter. I think it's completely reasonable. It's been plenty of time and I'm pretty easy schedule wise ( as mentioned I could so easily be out those specific 6-9 hours as an ongoing plan two of the three days ). He mentions their last day ( Tues ) as being the hardest on both of them so that is easy too. That would be the day I'd leave overnight each week typically.
I think this has just become too much. I want to call it what it is ( being mistreated ) and set a correction course.
I'm at the nicest hotel lounge in town. He can come here to me for this convo ! The days of just delivering myself to his house ( then leaving ) are over.
I have had a good day so far. The last week I have had a hard time focusing and today was a focused and clear work day.
I think what you were saying about being fully moved in and just finding something to do from 6-9 pm on those 2 nights is so practical and reasonable... I don’t want to tell you what I think you should do but this def is an issue you’ve been unhappy over for a few months now!
Semi-related but I wanna get this off my chest because sometimes the negativity about men here gets to be a lot-I know a lot of good guys who proposed to their gfs in a reasonable time frame and without the woman nagging them about it.
charlie61
04-07-2021, 02:59 PM
^Nice work!! I really think your gut is correct on so many things. Him not wanting to concede the two days is indicative of more than a logical need, and you being the one to constantly go back and forth is really not sustainable (i highly doubt he'd be willing to do that for a year, plus having to pay more for separate housing). You gave him a chance to make a decision, and his lack of decision IS a decision.
indiegirl
04-07-2021, 03:10 PM
^Nice work!! I really think your gut is correct on so many things. Him not wanting to concede the two days is indicative of more than a logical need, and you being the one to constantly go back and forth is really not sustainable (i highly doubt he'd be willing to do that for a year, plus having to pay more for separate housing). You gave him a chance to make a decision, and his lack of decision IS a decision.
I totally get it. Why make you wait and invest your precious time into a dead end man. Some men need a wake up call. If your needs aren’t met they need to fix it or realize it’s time to move on. And damn I remember the days of delivering myself to men’s house for dates (even first sleazy dates off of online apps like plentyoffish.com and always I went to see them) ...you don’t deserve that.
carmen_b
04-07-2021, 05:32 PM
^ Oh he treats me to elaborate dates lol!
I was just being cheeky there ha.
But yeah that was kind of our routine in covid blah days .
In his defense even in those super boring times he ordered really nice food to create nice “ dates “.
^ The above is not getting him out of this though. :/
The only thing I’d consider is an end to this perpetual “ audition “ pattern.
Maybe he can try someone else with extreme schedule flex ect. except it is not easy to find ( he is not going to like it I’m pretty sure ).
indiegirl
04-07-2021, 07:30 PM
Queeeeennn is closing in on 1500 hundred tonight in a matter of 3 hours :P. Shocked my tailbone tolerated it. Customer told me asian men were entering with electric equipment next door to me and to be careful and moved my room 2 times with an apology from staff with me claiming there was a spider in the room, etc.. Girlllll I don't have time for issues.
I'm down for 2 more customers :)! Feeling happy!
AChildOfBoredom
04-07-2021, 08:28 PM
I read a Henry David Thoreau quote - “the path of least resistance leads to crooked rivers and crooked men”. So I penned a song around it and was maybe 90% done coming up with guitar tablature for it, then I found out someone already beat me to that punch, back in 2007. Might still go ahead with it, but I have to rethink the title, since “Crooked Rivers” is what I was going to use and what they used.
Genoveve
04-07-2021, 10:08 PM
I watch a lot of fitness chicks on Youtube and something annoying to me that a lot of them do is this: they'll have some video where they explain their fitness journey and it usually involves them being overweight for whatever reason/s until one day they hit rock bottom and decide to buckle down and get fit, and they'll always preface it by saying stuff like: 'If you're overweight you are still beautiful the way you are, I'm not knocking anyone who is overweight, women are beautiful at every size.....etc., I'm just saying that I personally didn't feel good and wasn't happy and wanted to make a change.' 1.) I just think it's kind of rude, I feel like it's them saying "If you're 60 pounds overweight that's perfectly fine and you're still beautiful, I just felt disgusting when I was at your weight." It's like.....well thanks a lot bitch. And 2.) I don't think it's helpful at all because it's like....don't tell women that they should feel beautiful and love themselves when they're overweight when you couldn't. The whole reason for their 'fitness journey' was because they hated what was in the mirror. Wrong messengers.
I've noticed celebrities saying similar things; in one breath they'll preach body positivity and beauty at every size and then in the next breath talk about their extreme dieting that they have to do to keep their weight down. I am a psychotic Beyonce fan so this is no dig at the Queen but she's another one I've heard do it many times; she would go on and on about how all women are beautiful and we're not all supposed to be skinny and should love the skin we're in, only to also talk about how she wishes she was like her sister because Solange can eat whatever she wants and stay skinny, to show herself skipping all the catered foods on set and instead eating celery, to talk about how she hates working out but does it because she doesn't want to 'be too jiggly. ' She even admitted that the reason she scheduled a series of concerts for 6 months after she gave birth to Blue was because it would force her to lose the baby weight quickly.... It's very hypocritical.
indiegirl
04-08-2021, 12:07 AM
Oh man! I woke up with an echoing feeling from a short nap and less hearing just now which scared me into an anxiety attack. I don't know what's going on with my ears. I've been pacing around the hotel room scared hoping it goes away. This feels so fucking weird in my ears. I'm trying to calm myself down. Feels like both my ears are plugged up and it scares me this randomly happened. I'm gonna get food to eat and continue walking so I can stop freaking out. So weird!
Genoveve
04-08-2021, 08:31 AM
^^^That’s my daily life. Plug your nose closed with your fingers, keep your mouth shut and blow through your nose(no air will come out because you have it plugged but that’s the point). But don’t force it if they don’t pop easily. Sometimes yawning with your mouth open really wide makes them pop too.
indiegirl
04-08-2021, 09:21 AM
^^^That’s my daily life. Plug your nose closed with your fingers, keep your mouth shut and blow through your nose(no air will come out because you have it plugged but that’s the point). But don’t force it if they don’t pop easily. Sometimes yawning with your mouth open really wide makes them pop too.
It finally left and did the breathing out technique when I was panicking and walking this morning. It took the left ear longer..I panicked so bad. Glad it's over.
Update: Have a final appt. this morning. Woot $2,500!!
carmen_b
04-08-2021, 10:10 AM
Damn we have such a great life overall.
I do hope he gets it together and considers my offer carefully.
:)
If not it felt good to move out of the stalemate.
He mentioned feeling sad sex life had slowed.
I told him he brought it on himself by not offering relationship progression and inertia.
My life has mostly passive -ish income right now and my schedule is amazing.
I guess it's a good phase of life regardless of what happens.
It's more that I want the *option* of 6 days a week there IF I'm in town.
I really don't even think I will be around more than 4-5 nights a week for the next four weeks at least.
I feel like there are some good signs . We had a BIG brainstorming session last night.
I feel like he has been willing to work with me and come up with suggestions.
JGB2009
04-08-2021, 10:40 AM
I spent all my time taking profiles pictures and didn't have enough time for anything else!!!!
carmen_b
04-08-2021, 12:15 PM
Gen :
Your take is interesting. I think the fact is that people do not FEEL their best heavier. It does seem inauthentic to not be straight about it.
I have been too heavy ( like 15-18 lbs ) and even that slight amount I feel was detrimental if I’m being fully honest.
^ Obviously as a sex worker it’s all a much bigger difference than in civilian life .
My late 2019 / early 2020 dancing was at that heavier weight. I honestly can't wait to go back to where I was and show off current body haha.
Aurora_Sunset
04-08-2021, 01:41 PM
I just turned on the AC for the first time in this apartment and holy fuck, the fan is loud. Even louder than the heat was. This is gonna suck all summer.
carmen_b
04-08-2021, 04:12 PM
I'm still sad clubs around here are not opening earlier. :)
Being a 5:30 - Midnight stripper can and should be a thing lol.
I'll be back soon to give better reports when clubs options open a little earlier .
lurkingtitties
04-09-2021, 04:53 AM
Being in a new city is making me realize that city life isn’t for me after all. The first night I got here I decided to go for a walk around the neighborhood and got catcalled twice. I decided right in that moment that I don’t want to live in a city! I had to deal with that shit on the daily starting at age 13, if I’m never catcalled again in my life after I leave here it’ll be too soon. Having to walk around mean mugging and with extra-assertive body language every time I’m in public takes all the fun out of the experience.
In a way I’m glad that happened because ever since I left my home city 4 years ago I’ve felt nostalgic and torn on the benefits of city life vs country/small town. Now I feel my mind is made up on what direction I want to go.
Plus... I got woken up this morning at 5 am by the people in the apartment above me having sex. I know noisy apartments exist in suburbs/rural areas too, but in most of those areas I could afford a home with some land...here home start at 650k and that’s for something old in need of hella updates and your neighbors will still be on top of you. So everyone is crammed into apartments out of necessity.
Luckily I’m only here until the end of the month and then I’m headed wayyyyyy out in the country. In the meantime I’ll try to focus on the positives like businesses being open late and lots of good international food.
WendiStarr
04-09-2021, 06:16 AM
The kids both fell asleep in my bed last night. I went and laid in the bed with them, figured it would be easier to just go to bed than to risk trying to have alone time and being interrupted by one or both of them. I woke up to pee and when I got back to the bedroom, I was thinking,"How am I going to see so that I don't accidentally lay on them?" It was really dark in there and I have bad vision and didn't have my glasses on. Suddenly it was like someone turned a flashlight on above the bed, a strange powder blue glow. I was able to see the kids clearly then. Once I was back in the bed the light went out. That was odd. I had no lights on
in the entire house other than an orange nightlight in the bathroom. It was raining pretty hard last night too so I highly doubt anybody could've been lurking about the backyard. I would've heard them anyways because the gate is loud and creaky.
lurkingtitties
04-09-2021, 02:08 PM
That’s so interesting Wendi!
carmen_b
04-09-2021, 02:27 PM
Damn it.
He's charming me with food again and it's always so hard to turn down lol .
We went for Mongolian Noodles, haha.
I really do want to make it work.
Maybe I got ahead of myself BUT if he isn't going to offer me " nesting " we will have serious problems so I might as well be straight about it.
indiegirl
04-09-2021, 08:14 PM
Totally my thoughts after reading this message: "Well I only need an extra few thousand"
https://i.ibb.co/TPgRzRz/Screen-Shot-2021-04-09-at-8-11-46-PM.png (https://ibb.co/TPgRzRz)
I'm aiming for 3k tonight. Halfway there. Can't believe I allowed cheapie prices in the past and they reappear now. I should have never buckled like that.
LoveyDovey
04-09-2021, 09:50 PM
Boyfriend and I talked last week. He lives with his Grandma and Said he wants his own place. I told him I want my own place too. Maybe we'll get our own place together in a few months. He knows I danced, and doesn't care because even his mom danced! But he is happy that I am retired. Living with him would be fun. I love being with him.
AChildOfBoredom
04-09-2021, 11:09 PM
The girl from group care is moved in. Very different from S’s first night… S was emotionally drained and overwhelmed. This girl is ecstatic.
WendiStarr
04-10-2021, 12:03 PM
Now that the weather has warmed, I forgot all about one of the most annoying pests of summer(besides crotch and ass neighbor): bugs. I keep seeing bees and those big ants. I don't know why but I started singing"Return of the bugs", in the same tune of,"Return of the Mack" by Mark Morrison.
AChildOfBoredom
04-10-2021, 12:13 PM
Typically, I’ll run a rollback (flatbed) tow truck on Fridays and our 16 ton under lift on Saturdays (which is a scaled down version of what they tow tractor-trailers with, though those will typically be 40 - 60 ton). But they had the 16 ton in Charlotte, so I’ve been running the rollbacks on Saturdays, as well, which is also the day I’m doing mostly AAA calls, since Fridays tend to be tied up with Copart. So if there’s children present - especially boys - they think of course seeing these in action is the coolest thing ever, so I’ll bring them over and let them work the levers to winch the car up and raise and slide the bed, and they just think it’s the greatest thing ever.
54643
And it makes my day, too.
charlie61
04-10-2021, 12:21 PM
I contacted the health care today for the mental health problems I've been having, I feel anxious now that I sent the message and all I can do is wait until they contact me. What if they read it and decide I don't seem to have enough problems, or what if I missed mentioning something important despite sitting there writing and rereading it so many times the site tried to log me out like 10 times for being "inactive". At least I took the first step even if it's not perfect, but I'll be so disappointed if this leads nowhere. I hope I didn't downplay my problems like I sometimes do. But then the next moment I think god why did I send that there's nothing wrong with me I'm just bad at life that's why I can't make it work. I really hope they can help me.
I'm this way, too. Like, was this all in my head? Why did i say anything at all? And i can remember how much it took for me to convince myself to reach out in the first place, but i also feel like it's possible i made the whole thing up.
carmen_b
04-10-2021, 01:18 PM
^ I think one quirk too when you reach out for help is you sometimes don't get a quick reaction or a call back ( from a counseling place ). Just something I found quirky seeking out my own healing stuff 18 - 24 months ago .
You kind of have to be your OWN advocate and fight to even get seen.
Or at least it can sometimes feel like that .
I don't think I had fancy insurance at the time though haha .
Maybe others get difference experiences when the counselor gets $ 100+ a session.
carmen_b
04-10-2021, 01:20 PM
J helped me with some higher level coding type stuff on two websites I neglected.
I found that really sweet. His skill level is above freelancers I can EVER afford and I found it really charming that he took some time on it.
Genoveve
04-10-2021, 01:22 PM
Now that the weather has warmed, I forgot all about one of the most annoying pests of summer(besides crotch and ass neighbor): bugs. I keep seeing bees and those big ants. I don't know why but I started singing"Return of the bugs", in the same tune of,"Return of the Mack" by Mark Morrison.
You would not like my yard, thousandssssss of honey bees. There's a big tree in the corner of the yard that when it flowers is swarmed by probably tens of thousands of bees daily, I can hear the buzz from them inside my house. There's a weed here that pretty much covers the entire yard that produces little purple flowers everywhere and there's always tons of bees hopping all over them. Let alone all the other flowers and flowering trees here. Fortunately I like bees and it's very relaxing to me watching them go from flower to flower, I'll even stand under the 'bee tree' while they're swarming it to watch. I even saved a frozen one I found one night, I thawed her out, fed her and released her in the morning, I named her Lila LOL:
54644
Honeybees are non-aggressive because they die when they use their stinger, that's why they don't freak me out.
PhatGirlDynomite!!!
04-10-2021, 01:26 PM
Now that the weather has warmed, I forgot all about one of the most annoying pests of summer(besides crotch and ass neighbor): bugs. I keep seeing bees and those big ants. I don't know why but I started singing"Return of the bugs", in the same tune of,"Return of the Mack" by Mark Morrison.
Return of the Mack is such a great song to wash your car to on the weekends. ❤️
PhatGirlDynomite!!!
04-10-2021, 01:28 PM
You would not like my yard, thousandssssss of honey bees. There's a big tree in the corner of the yard that when it flowers is swarmed by probably tens of thousands of bees daily, I can hear the buzz from them inside my house. There's a weed here that pretty much covers the entire yard that produces little purple flowers everywhere and there's always tons of bees hopping all over them. Let alone all the other flowers and flowering trees here. Fortunately I like bees and it's very relaxing to me watching them go from flower to flower, I'll even stand under the 'bee tree' while they're swarming it to watch. I even saved a frozen one I found one night, I thawed her out, fed her and released her in the morning, I named her Lila LOL:
54644
Honeybees are non-aggressive because they die when they use their stinger, that's why they don't freak me out.
God bless you! The world can't afford to lose anymore bees.
LoveyDovey
04-10-2021, 02:14 PM
I contacted the health care today for the mental health problems I've been having, I feel anxious now that I sent the message and all I can do is wait until they contact me. What if they read it and decide I don't seem to have enough problems, or what if I missed mentioning something important despite sitting there writing and rereading it so many times the site tried to log me out like 10 times for being "inactive". At least I took the first step even if it's not perfect, but I'll be so disappointed if this leads nowhere. I hope I didn't downplay my problems like I sometimes do. But then the next moment I think god why did I send that there's nothing wrong with me I'm just bad at life that's why I can't make it work. I really hope they can help me.
There is no "perfect" way of reaching out for help. Nothing has to be perfect. The important thing is that you reached out and you're doing something to help your anxiety. It's a big step to do this. Sometimes we are conditioned to doubt our own choices, but I think this is a good decision and it reflects self-love. That's a great thing!