View Full Version : The Random Thoughts Thread...
carmen_b
01-02-2022, 01:35 AM
( he went over to her place to set up her TV .., he’s tech savvy )
The timing just aligned randomly .
We were at the hotel the night before b-day and woke up there for his birthday.
It was a little off he went there anyway on his b-day anyway but he felt like he wanted to.
SnuffleUffleGrass
01-02-2022, 07:33 AM
I love my job.
carmen_b
01-02-2022, 09:17 AM
Well more in more exciting news , I did a big thing .......
I paid my Real Estate dues and did my onboarding documents with a broker . I have a desk now ! I'm after that first check officially. Paying the dues ( over 1k ) is terrifying because you don’t know when you’ll see it back. I’m trying not to think about that.
I will just focus on getting my first client AND now I can look for my little piece of land or small desert home too without a commission going out which can save me some $. :)
I feel bad about what is going on with J. I can not seem to bring my physical energy up to match his ( or even come close enough ) to keep some peaceful vibes. Then again , he could work with me and be more mellow in the winter too.
He might need more ( one sided ) sexual experiences as one option since I’m not quite there ( my drive is more like 2-3 times a week ). Or we may need to at least try a trial separation. Remember when everyone thought Gweneth palthow was nuts for recommending more BJs for peace keeping ? Ha. There is legitimately something to it ( and just takes a few minutes ). I’m looking at both sides as options to get unstuck . My energy levels are better than a week or two ago ( even if not perfect ). There is also the side where a break could be really good ( because then my energy I’m feeling lately isn’t just immediately taken ).
kimbe
01-02-2022, 09:36 AM
I'm taking T's daughter with me to the gym now. She's very into exercising and fitness and I think she clearly aims to competing in some day .
JGB2009
01-02-2022, 10:14 AM
I find it odd that sometimes you can pick up on my thoughts or what I have been doing.
Staci
01-02-2022, 11:28 AM
He didn't use to be overly needy so that is where I'm getting confused !
You only recently went back to sex work, right? Do you think this has contributed to the sudden change?
carmen_b
01-02-2022, 11:43 AM
Yes I’d say in the last 4 months I’ve only done 14-15 shifts.
It’s very infrequent . There were some months I just did a two day trip to get out of town and have time to myself.
I might be done for reasons unrelated to him ( I feel like I have ptsd no joke after two stinker shifts in a row ). I also need to focus on another income stream that has potential. My health issues give me a hard time staying up late so I’m at a disadvantage in the club . It’s hard for me to stay awake past Midnight unless cash is really flowing .
He liked this side of me ( supposedly ) and when I would work a shift here or there May - Nov he was always fine. I worked my first shift back on a business trip of his and had a blast. It was just convenient . I didn’t lose PUA because I was at no paper trail places only. So it was just a boost. The $ total has not been worth any extra issues honestly ( it’s exhausting enough just getting there and being patient until people finally spend ).
He has asked me to dance at home and I intended to but I felt awkward without the club setting . I do realize that is sort of like a chef who refuses to ( ever ) cook for their partner. I still couldn’t get over the awkwardness . He also didn’t do anything to facilitate a setting . I feel like if he had a room set up ( with our little mood lights or laser lights ) and was like “ I’d love to see you in xyz outfit “ I’d be more responsive. It’s just been these comments like “ I’m so hurt you don’t dance for me “. Then I get hurt over high neediness and we ride that loop.
kimbe
01-02-2022, 11:49 AM
Fuck, what makes a young woman barely 17 wear a t-shirt saying "Spitters are Quitters" with colored graphics of some sexy lips.. T’s daughter pulled off her sweater revealing this t-shirt at the gym and I did not know if I should say something.
A person with a provocative personality like myself could wear something like that, which I have done, but I just think she’s too young.. Probably it’s just me getting too old.
WendiStarr
01-02-2022, 12:29 PM
I found out that my brother, sister-in-law, and their kids have covid. This whole time they were thinking that they wouldn't get it because they're young. My brother's wife is an anti-vaxxer and my brother believed he'd be safe since he's young and has no health problems. I hope they all get better soon. I think it's shady though, that he said he doesn't want anyone to know, when they went to several Christmas parties last month. Now I'm wondering if the 2 days of fevers and fatigue that my youngest and I had was just a cold or if it was a very mild, short version of that, even though I'm fully vaccinated. We saw my brother and his family right before Christmas.
kimbe
01-02-2022, 12:37 PM
Yes I’d say in the last 4 months I’ve only done 14-15 shifts.
It’s very infrequent . There were some months I just did a two day trip to get out of town and have time to myself.
I might be done for reasons unrelated to him ( I feel like I have ptsd no joke after two stinker shifts in a row ). I also need to focus on another income stream that has potential. My health issues give me a hard time staying up late so I’m at a disadvantage in the club . It’s hard for me to stay awake past Midnight unless cash is really flowing .
He liked this side of me ( supposedly ) and when I would work a shift here or there May - Nov he was always fine. I worked my first shift back on a business trip of his and had a blast. It was just convenient . I didn’t lose PUA because I was at no paper trail places only. So it was just a boost. The $ total has not been worth any extra issues honestly ( it’s exhausting enough just getting there and being patient until people finally spend ).
He has asked me to dance at home and I intended to but I felt awkward without the club setting . I do realize that is sort of like a chef who refuses to ( ever ) cook for their partner. I still couldn’t get over the awkwardness . He also didn’t do anything to facilitate a setting . I feel like if he had a room set up ( with our little mood lights or laser lights ) and was like “ I’d love to see you in xyz outfit “ I’d be more responsive. It’s just been these comments like “ I’m so hurt you don’t dance for me “. Then I get hurt over high neediness and we ride that loop.
As I see it you've got the following choices:
1: He's accepting you're dancing. You make it clear to him that you're going t keep going the way you are right now.
2: He doesn't accept you dancing. This means you have to decide what most important to you. He or the dancing.
carmen_b
01-02-2022, 12:44 PM
^ Thanks for your thoughts !
I don't mind giving up the dancing. I have another income stream possibility ( activated my real estate license yesterday ) . I don't have time for my little business + the club + RE . That's only 13 hours or so given to each per week and not really enough. Something has to give anyway and I'm having problems with the smoking allowed in the city I work in and staying up late also. Dancing actually doesn't seem to be the best use of my time right now .
I *wanted* to be dating and fucking a feminist though ! I truly thought I was. I may want to give up dancing but I didn't want to give up dancing FOR a dude. J has spoken up for womens issues and when he ( formerly ) was pro sex work it seemed like a dream come true lol. I even invited him to come see me at the club . Schedules didn't align and I felt awkward dancing at home . He just seems so frustrated with me. I wish there was a natural break to get a week away but I don't feel a natural way to incorporate that . Maybe a 2-3 day break ( probably starting tomorrow ) can help.
I am in an incredibly lucky spot right now ( my rental home up north has the capacity to make the mortgage + an $800 profit a month now ). It currently profits $500 a month but I did a test ad yesterday at a higher price. The " average market " price is going to be no problem. I got a dozen texts in 10 min.! My renters move out in 2 weeks and I can get more for it OR I can live there myself ( if this shit really hits the fan ). It's nice to have options.
With that I don't need to make much at all really to pay all my bills.
I want to just get over this under earning phase and into a more successful 2022.
carmen_b
01-02-2022, 01:19 PM
I feel like our core issue in a nutshell is his extreme fear of boredom ( works a high paying job at home about 30 hours a week ). He has the time available to be more needy than your average guy working 40 hours a week ( more with commute ).
My extreme fear is not boredom. It is money running out . That has been a life theme since March 2020 when covid started. I had brief moments of relief ( back when PUA was 3 k a month in my state ) and other " eh I'm surviving " moments such as when the business made nothing and PUA reduced to 2 k a month .
The worst of it was in fall 2021 when the business made very little and PUA was totally gone.
So I'm completely entertained and happy with the state of things ( recent financial progress ). I don't need any " extra exciting " experiences. Getting rid of this stress and having relief from it has been an exciting thrill already.
Marina Starr
01-02-2022, 01:25 PM
Sitting outside Starbucks on this beautiful sunny day rocking my Biden/Harris hat surrounded by triggered trumpers totally made my day.
Doesn't get any better than this ;D
Aurora_Sunset
01-02-2022, 05:39 PM
Finally watched Squid Game and binged the shit out of it. It lived up to the hype. And I really like that, despite how popular it was, I managed to avoid any spoilers about who dies or how it ends, so I was on the edge of my seat and surprised the whole time.
charlie61
01-02-2022, 07:37 PM
Carmen, i would also bet that he fell for you HARD because of your high sex drive and adventurous nature at the time you started seeing each other. He probably came off of a prior relationship where sex was infrequent and boredom was common, so it's possible he gets triggered during slow times. Maybe he thought you would never go through human periods of decreased drive and penny-pinching. And he starts to panic when it happens. I'm completely speculating.
carmen_b
01-02-2022, 07:39 PM
^ I can totally see that. It seems like all divorce stories you hear have that final sexless or low sex phase in common.
I'm sure he was thrilled initially. I know I was because J could keep up with me where others had failed. Lol.
Even trying to reassure him that my little phase wasn't the " new normal " only went so far ....
charlie61
01-02-2022, 07:43 PM
^ I can totally see that. It seems like all divorce stories you hear have that final sexless or low sex phase in common.
I'm sure he was thrilled initially.
Right! And it makes sense. Because who wants to have sex with someone when things aren't going well? I think a lack of sex is usually just a symptom of a deeper issue.
indiegirl
01-03-2022, 06:17 AM
I was rushing to be on time so badly yesterday that I forgot to put coffee in the coffee maker and when it just poured hot water out I didn't notice until after I poured the creamer in. Yum creamy water bahaha! Hoping to squeeze in two customers this morning before checkout. Only one is scheduled this morning so far :(.
Totally Random, I don't understand people who go on vacation for weeks or months and ski/snowboard daily. It's kinda like going to Vegas, one day is enough of that and then it's time to go home. Plus the ski lifts scare the shit out of me. I think the worst way to go would be with my feet strapped on a snowboard plummeting to my death.
Aurora_Sunset
01-03-2022, 07:51 AM
I was rushing to be on time so badly yesterday that I forgot to put coffee in the coffee maker and when it just poured hot water out I didn't notice until after I poured the creamer in. Yum creamy water bahaha!
Bahaha! I've done this. But refused to dump it because I was so looking forward to the pumpkin spice creamer I put in it. lmao
carmen_b
01-03-2022, 08:52 AM
Omg yes. If I'm spending cash to travel it is not going to be somewhere cold with any snow lol.
I face this battle with each partner I have. I seem to like surfers an snow boarders lol but unfortunately there is not an ocean close enough . There is a snowy mountain 90 minutes away. :/
I basically promised J I'd at least do a lesson this season ( I've done one before ) .
I kind of would like to keep snow sports in the category of " he leaves to do this and I get the house to myself " because that really works well for me.
I actually do enjoy the ski lodge experience thing and we will do a few trips to stay overnight probably. That I enjoy. Watch the snow outside the window with a fire going , go to the bar at the lodge , jacuzzi , ect !
:)
Totally Random, I don't understand people who go on vacation for weeks or months and ski/snowboard daily. It's kinda like going to Vegas, one day is enough of that and then it's time to go home. Plus the ski lifts scare the shit out of me. I think the worst way to go would be with my feet strapped on a snowboard plummeting to my death.
Marina Starr
01-03-2022, 02:13 PM
I wonder why saying cunt in vanilla world is like holding the Bilbe to the Devil?!
Ambercat
01-03-2022, 02:21 PM
I wonder why saying cunt in vanilla world is like holding the Bilbe to the Devil?!
;D;D;D
I remember a few years ago my brother said it during a convo with me but in front of my mother. The look of shock as my 6ft 25yr old bro was smacked in the face by my 4 ft9 chinese mum is going to live with me forever. I think she even surprised herself.
Marina Starr
01-03-2022, 02:50 PM
Lol, so you brother did really hold the Bible to the Devil.
I'm also Asian so I understand how Asian parents are.
No matter how big or old their children get, they're still the Alphas!
;D;D;D
I remember a few years ago my brother said it during a convo with me but in front of my mother. The look of shock as my 6ft 25yr old bro was smacked in the face by my 4 ft9 chinese mum is going to live with me forever. I think she even surprised herself.
chanzep
01-03-2022, 08:04 PM
I wonder why saying cunt in vanilla world is like holding the Bilbe to the Devil?!
In the UK it's not. I was actually surprised when I moved here how seriously offensive people find it.
PhatGirlDynomite!!!
01-04-2022, 09:44 AM
My favorite purchases of 2021 we're a clothes steamer and a heating pad. It's crazy how something so boring has brought me this much joy.
carmen_b
01-04-2022, 09:51 AM
It's hard to be in this " will we or won't we " place with my partner.
He took his daughter to visit his sister in Vegas! Nice.
I get the house to myself for a couple of days and it will give me some time to think.
They didn't leave until 4 p.m. yesterday ha. I was back at the house at 2:30 thinking they would be gone.
I don't want to default to " we just FIGHT to save this " because that is what I *always* do.
Lets save it IF we are in a place of growth ( or can get there ) and if we feel good about it.
Since we have talked about it from two angles ( what it will look like to stay together and what things would like to separate ) it's just a little un-comfy. His communication seems to be pretty positive . Maybe we will miss each other in these couple of days.
carmen_b
01-04-2022, 10:03 AM
One angle I want to look at while I ( finally ) have some time to myself is to think is ......
IF I had another home ( such as somewhere else no cost to live ) hypothetically and I could ALSO profit from my rental property up North ...... would I be *as* interested in holding it together ? Like .... if I had a house that was free anyway ..... would I still want to be with J ? I'm trying to be honest with myself so I'm "trying on" these hypotheticals during this solo time.
Another angle I am seeing ( with a little space ) is I think a reason we don't get along well lately is that I am just desperate for time to myself. We could so easily do a " 5 days a week " together type plan with a couple built in days apart. It's another thing we could try.
Marina Starr
01-04-2022, 10:13 AM
People that traveled the world always tell me that's when they realized how closed minded, uptight and ignorant the majority of Americans are.
People from other countries have the impression that America is the greatest country but we're so behind on so many things. That's why they're laughing at us.
In the UK it's not. I was actually surprised when I moved here how seriously offensive people find it.
carmen_b
01-04-2022, 10:17 AM
^ Yes , we certainly have a reputation ha. I see it when I travel too. Americans DO tend to be overly loud , often rude , AND more demanding. So it's easy to see how people want to keep us at a distance based on what they are seeing other people do even if WE personally are not like that !
LoveyD
01-04-2022, 10:58 AM
I live the hand sanitizer at Sprouts market. It smells like lavender and weed simultaneously.
LoveyD
01-04-2022, 11:00 AM
^ Yes , we certainly have a reputation ha. I see it when I travel too. Americans DO tend to be overly loud , often rude , AND more demanding. So it's easy to see how people want to keep us at a distance based on what they are seeing other people do even if WE personally are not like that !
This is all why I'm heading out to the country where there are way less people. I don't blame ppl from other countries for seeing us this way.
carmen_b
01-04-2022, 11:11 AM
Whew ... stress ...... I placed that ad for my home up North as a *test* to see if I could get a higher price but now of course people want to view. :/
I kind of want to just keep it " waiting " for myself to have it as an option which is admittedly a cost.
My renter moves out Jan. 15
If I hold it open for myself I'm losing any rental $ so I kind of have a Jan. 15 deadline for the some decisions.
LoveyD
01-04-2022, 04:34 PM
Wish my son would get his booster. I keep nagging him about it and had to talk with him about it again today.
TheBrownFox
01-04-2022, 05:49 PM
I'm gonna start changing my DoorDash and UberEats settings to "Leave outside," and when I have food delivered I'll just have them leave it on the chair outside. I have Covid-19, and won't be in direct contact of anyone for a while. Also just had to cancel my date for Friday (He was very sweet about it).
That rapid test up the nose was a little scary. But I'll take that any day over this "throat swab" crap they were talking about on the news.
LoveyD
01-04-2022, 06:08 PM
^^ Oh no! I hope your symptoms are mild and that you have a quick recovery.
indiegirl
01-05-2022, 12:21 AM
2 past Customers today acting so giddy and going through the routine including my address: I am on the way!!!!
It's fucking 11:20pm now. THANK you for wasting hours of my time. You do realize I needed to nap after 6 hours of your crap. Such a waste of time.
I wish I could do a photo of me before and then after being screwed over for hours by men and seeing how I look. I probably look exhausted emotionally when I'm only trying to provide a service and being treated like this LOLLL.
JGB2009
01-05-2022, 06:55 AM
I don't like winter. I never have. Plus when it is winter my kids get more sick. I'm so looking forward to summer already.
indiegirl
01-05-2022, 10:22 AM
I think it's hilarious when people have stories online of their dog saving their life by guiding people to save them or protecting them. My dogs are way too stupid (I still love them dearly lol) to even figure out the dog puzzle games and they just give up and nap. There's no way my dogs are coming to help me hahaha! One of my dogs is so old and fat he can barely carry himself around to walk hahaha LOL.
AChildOfBoredom
01-05-2022, 01:58 PM
^ that reminds me… there’s a family in one of the HOA neighborhoods, and they have this really pudgy dog. And it’ll try to do that thing where dogs will drag their ass across the carpet, but this one’s too fat to do that, so instead it’ll just spin around in a circle. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s really funny.
Marina Starr
01-06-2022, 05:36 AM
Haven't worn heels in years, had them on today and I still know how to strut and sashay in them. It's like riding dick, no matter how long you go without some, you never forget how to ride it!
indiegirl
01-06-2022, 07:19 AM
This stalker dog is too funny! Exact weirdo relationship I have with Mister Needy Dog being so odd lol. Love this!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY6aBNzeHbA
carmen_b
01-06-2022, 09:19 AM
^ Your Mr Needy sounds like such a character !
I personally love that my dog is obsessed with me. :)
He doesn't really care what we do all day as long as he is with me ( or sitting by ) ect. if I'm working on a computer.
If he gets distracted and I leave a room he will take no more than 4-5 minutes to figure it out and go around the house listening for sounds of what room I am in haha.
JGB2009
01-06-2022, 11:25 AM
So my 9 year daughter had a fever in the middle of the night that would not go down so I took her to the emergency room. Long story short I found out she has Covid. On a positive note her fever is under control now.
carmen_b
01-06-2022, 11:42 AM
Aw ! I'm sorry ! Ugh. ^
WendiStarr
01-06-2022, 11:55 AM
^^ Oh no! Hopefully your daughter feels better soon.
SnuffleUffleGrass
01-07-2022, 01:38 PM
The willful ignorance of the average rural American is astounding.............................
JGB2009
01-07-2022, 05:59 PM
Maybe I am wrong but I see you backing out of your doctors appointment next week. If you do it will be a really dumb move on your part!
indiegirl
01-07-2022, 08:48 PM
These cherry blossoms in China are so gorgeous!!! It would be a dream to go to China and Tokyo when things get safer.
https://youtu.be/PHPtbGnoS7Y?t=91
WendiStarr
01-08-2022, 12:30 PM
^
Ooh, that's one of my dreams, to go to Japan! I'm half Japanese and have family there that I've never met. I think the cherry blossoms would be awesome and the food and some of the old buildings.
indiegirl
01-08-2022, 01:35 PM
^
Ooh, that's one of my dreams, to go to Japan! I'm half Japanese and have family there that I've never met. I think the cherry blossoms would be awesome and the food and some of the old buildings.
So much to experience there it seems and beautiful things to see in both places!
This looks amazing (hopefully a real picture LOL). It's supposedly in Japan. I heard both Japan and China were different in certain ways. It looks so exciting/pretty!
https://i.ibb.co/0jCh0QJ/Screen-Shot-2022-01-08-at-12-32-24-PM.png (https://ibb.co/0jCh0QJ)