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red.velvet
01-03-2016, 05:01 PM
"Other woman who may of done this to their bfs" the two decisions you are ultimately left to deal with is 1) You tell him the truth (he may leave, if it doesn't affect you..just keep working) 2) You lie (having to know you were dishonest. Some people are great at coping with that, it is choice.

Ummm lol. I'm not lying, being dishonest, or not being a bad person (also as someone stated above) by never outing myself as an ex-escorting or bringing up escorting.

All "escorting" is... is going on dates and/or having sexual pursuits with men where I received money for it and used a condom for safety. It just so happens to be called "escorting" which clearly has a negative schema or social stigma attached to it, but its no different than dating as a money-minded woman where both parties are consenting and aware of that. I have never once felt guilty or ashamed in any way, but many repliers still keep putting these implications in their replies.

Its obvious to every man I date not-for-money that I'm not a virgin and have been with many men. That's all he needs to know because that's all that has happened. And even that is irrelevant information because its in the past and my business, not someone else's. The money part is solely my business. And again, its the past, and all that matters even in a very serious relationship is how much I'm making at that moment and have in assets/savings.

Everyone dates. Everyone has sex. I'm not lying, and this shouldn't be a big deal. I'm still shocked at these replies. These are the type of replies I would have expected from my non-escort friends in real life, if I were to ask them this same question, who are angry or jealous of the extra "easy" (in their minds) income I make from escorting. (For the record, I'm not saying they're all jealous of me, but many are or would be jealous of the benefits I have created in my life like escorting profits, and that would negatively skew their responses to my question.) I thought everyone on Stripperweb could look at this for what it really is, from an objective, non-stigmatized viewpoint, and then give advice. Although I do appreciate all advice. The more viewpoints, the better.



Does anyone have any legitimate stories of where they hid escorting from their boyfriend or men they had dated for awhile? Do any of you have stories where you told a man you were dating right away? How did it all work out? Did he find out? How did he find out? Did he never find out? Are you happily married now? Did you go back to escorting?

Goom
01-03-2016, 05:20 PM
This is a very naive mindset. You will never know when someone is truly 100% honest with you. That "honesty" might include a list of things they did and have ever spoken about to you.

Just because someone says they are 100% honest, does not mean they are, and I have learned that a few dozens times myself. They can just as easily be honest about select topics, and hide all the rest.

Yes you are right this is naive mindset. Yet it is the best way for me to be completely honest with the person you want to be in a relationship. I go on dates 1 2 3 maybe even 7 times with a lady. With that there is no expectations, if it is someone I want to starter relationship with then being completely honest upfront is better in finding out one month to a year later. If the person I'm with does not understand the people I hang out with or feels that I shouldn't be around those people then that person is not for me. I'm believe what a person does from work is there choice. If it is a dancer, escort, police officer, or a teacher it does not matter what your job is. As long as you're happy that's all that matters. Again this is only my opinion and this only works for me. Red velvet you have to make your own choices for your own life. You are responsible for your choices and yours alone. Nobody can make your mind up for yourself and only you can do that.

BambiCutie
01-03-2016, 05:22 PM
Again, its all just opinion and outside perspectives..not lashes to try and claim otherwise.. What I'm reading is you are asking woman if they would keep escorting secret, not intending that you have done this. (While being sexually active and dating the person) This is directed to that question..guess you could say you lost me at the condom/using protection part.

red.velvet
01-03-2016, 05:24 PM
Yes you are right this is naive mindset. Yet it is the best way for me to be completely honest with the person you want to be in a relationship. I go on dates 1 2 3 maybe even 7 times with a lady. With that there is no expectations, if it is someone I want to starter relationship with then being completely honest upfront is better in finding out one month to a year later. If the person I'm with does not understand the people I hang out with or feels that I shouldn't be around those people then that person is not for me. I'm believe what a person does from work is there choice. If it is a dancer, escort, police officer, or a teacher it does not matter what your job is. As long as you're happy that's all that matters. Again this is only my opinion and this only works for me. Red velvet you have to make your own choices for your own life. You are responsible for your choices and yours alone. Nobody can make your mind up for yourself and only you can do that.

I feel like many repliers are not actually reading through the entire thread before commenting.

Escorting is not my job. It has never been my job. My job required a college degree and is in sales. Escorting is a very lucrative side hobby for me. "Dating for money" would be a better way to put it. Its implicit to men that I've dated before. He doesn't need to know about the "for money" part.

gameover
01-03-2016, 05:50 PM
I don't know why but based on your previous posts I'm surprised at your exclusive nature, in a good way. I'm curious to know how old you are though as it seems like age may be a factor in how exclusive someone is while dating.

I prefer monogamy even while dating but From my my experience with men during my active dating years especially when guys are younger dating means most people (especially men) will date more than one person at a time and may possibly be sexually intimate with more than one person at a time.

So when you want exclusivity both people must discuss this and agree on the terms. It's not safe to imply.

4 or 5 months of dating doesn't mean she needs to tell him yet that she's an escort. If he was trying to fuck her raw, telling her he loves her and want to be exclusive THEN she needs to figure out how to disclose if she wants to stay with him. Now if she hasn't told him she's seeing other people then yes she'd be lying. At the very least she should have told him she's seeing other people. But she doesn't need to tell him yet in what capacity she's seeing those other people.

Well, I agree that if she's having sex with other people that she should have at least said that. She may not have to tell him in what capacity she's seeing those other people, but if she ever hopes to have a long term relationship with him, I think she should have. I would be okay if I was dating someone who told me that they used to be an escort, but if she told me that she was still escorting while we were dating, after we had been having sex for 4+ months, I'd be a bit upset. I'd want to know up front that she's escorting. Maybe I would be okay with it, or maybe I wouldn't. I honestly don't know. It's never come up. But if I found out either through her telling me, or me finding out some other way that she was escorting while seeing me, I'd be gone. That's a betrayal, and I'd feel like I couldn't trust her at that point. Right or wrong, that's my opinion. And, since you ask, I'm in my 40's.

gameover
01-03-2016, 05:59 PM
Game over, I'm curious how you think her bf is gonna find out on his own. Do you think she puts her face in ads, uses her real number and email address, or doesn't erase escort related history from her computer when he visits? Imo, escorting isn't as bad as seeing other people. She's doing it for money, not because of an emotional connection or sexual satisfaction. She's using protection. So, aside from a friend turning psycho and telling him, how do you think he'd find out?

Also, I think Aurora Sunset is right. They could just get really serious and stop seeing other people, whether it was for money or not. Honestly, I don't think you should lose any sleep over this, OP. You haven't agreed to not sleep with other people, so you're sleeping with other people. You just happen to get hundreds an hour for it. You're not in love with your clients, you're not having unprotected sex, and they leave when their time is up. Have a drink and relax, I hope everything works out well for you.

Her bf may never find out. But I think if you keep a secret like that, you'll probably keep other secrets, or do something else that will poison the relationship. And maybe her bf would find out. Maybe she does in call at her apartment, and someone shows up unexpected. Maybe she leaves a bill lying around for an escort ad she placed. Maybe it slips out later in a conversation. I'm just saying if it does come out later without her revealing it, it will be bad for the relationship. And I'm also saying that the longer that she keeps it secret before telling her bf the bigger deal it will become, at least for me, and I think for a lot of guys.

amberlly
01-03-2016, 07:22 PM
Ok lets flip the script for clarity:

Would you expect your boyfriend/someone you are seeing non exclusively to tell you if they have ever been to a strip club/escorts?

If they are also seeing sugar babies/escorts/strippers while you are casually dating do you expect them to tell you?

What about if they have spoiled sugar babies in the past? Or just paid for sexual entertainment - ie. camming/clubbing/whatever?

red.velvet
01-03-2016, 08:16 PM
Ok lets flip the script for clarity:

Would you expect your boyfriend/someone you are seeing non exclusively to tell you if they have ever been to a strip club/escorts?

If they are also seeing sugar babies/escorts/strippers while you are casually dating do you expect them to tell you?

What about if they have spoiled sugar babies in the past? Or just paid for sexual entertainment - ie. camming/clubbing/whatever?

I wouldn't care. First, he's had sex with others before plenty of times. At least the guys I date. That's implicit. And second, that's his PAST.

If he's having sex with others that while we are casual, I wouldn't care. 99% of men do that lol. That's standard in our world now and I expect that. If they don't mention it, it doesn't mean they aren't doing that. They are.

I haven't really met a guy I was interested in who doesn't date multiple women at once while non-monogamous, because if he doesn't do that, he's typically one of those jump-right-into-monogamy kind of people. That never works for me because I have to make sure we are a good fit in life first. Interests, sex, relationship goals, life goals, same timelines, etc. You won't know that after 3 dates, and you probably won't know that after 15 dates. It takes quite awhile. I am not interested in committing to someone mediocre for me. In that case, I'd rather remain single. That is why I am not quick to go off the market.

I firmly believe that EVERY single or non-monogamous man would hire escorts if he had the extra money to do so.

red.velvet
01-03-2016, 08:26 PM
Her bf may never find out. But I think if you keep a secret like that, you'll probably keep other secrets, or do something else that will poison the relationship. And maybe her bf would find out. Maybe she does in call at her apartment, and someone shows up unexpected. Maybe she leaves a bill lying around for an escort ad she placed. Maybe it slips out later in a conversation. I'm just saying if it does come out later without her revealing it, it will be bad for the relationship. And I'm also saying that the longer that she keeps it secret before telling her bf the bigger deal it will become, at least for me, and I think for a lot of guys.

Ummm its not a secret. Its just a random fact about myself. While other people dated and had sex with various people, I did it for money. They just so happen to call that escorting. Its not a secret at all, and I'm sure not going out of the way to reveal it is EXTREMELY common.

Everything you wrote is virtually impossible. I'm not dumb enough to do those things. I'd never escort from home. I place ads with prepaid throwaway gift cards. I rarely even place ads now because I'm focusing on regulars. My face is hidden and you wouldn't be able to recognize me. I don't use my real phone number. All of this stuff is pretty standard. If it slips out, cool who cares? He already knew I was a dancer and everything else. It wouldn't slip out though because that's basically impossible. Like its not even something I talk about.


This is why people "sugarbaby" by the way. To make it so they never have to call themselves an escort even though they are doing everything and more than an escort is doing it, without the official title. Point is, titles are dumb. I dated and hooked up with men for money. So what? Everyone in the world dates and hooks up with men for free. In that case, should a girl be required to list everyone she's ever had sex with, how they met, and approx how much he spent her portion of dinner and drinks? I am not seeing the logic here.

If a girl was a "sugarbaby" and met up with over 100 men off sugardaddy websites and had sex with them, should she be required to tell men she had sex for money? How is that different than escorting? Its not. See the power of titles and stigmas? Its plain stupid.

Gia2608
01-03-2016, 09:27 PM
I'm sorry if I am repeating something else someone already said but this thread (and a lot of the posts in it are)/ is long. There is a very high likelihood that this guy will at some point find out. Trust me, I danced for years and did some adult modeling and people found out. You may feel safer because you are in a large city but if you are ever god-forbid arrested, there will be a permanent charge on your record. What if someone recognizes you when you are out with him and waits until you are in the bathroom to make a snide comment to him ? What if someone secretly video tapes you and it end up on the internet? How do you advertise?? Are there photos of you online or in magazines??

Keeping it for secret forever probably is not going to happen but do you need to tell me in this exact moment of your relationship?, no!

gameover
01-03-2016, 09:34 PM
Ummm its not a secret. Its just a random fact about myself. While other people dated and had sex with various people, I did it for money. They just so happen to call that escorting. Its not a secret at all, and I'm sure not going out of the way to reveal it is EXTREMELY common.

Everything you wrote is virtually impossible. I'm not dumb enough to do those things. I'd never escort from home. I place ads with prepaid throwaway gift cards. I rarely even place ads now because I'm focusing on regulars. My face is hidden and you wouldn't be able to recognize me. I don't use my real phone number. All of this stuff is pretty standard. If it slips out, cool who cares? He already knew I was a dancer and everything else. It wouldn't slip out though because that's basically impossible. Like its not even something I talk about.


This is why people "sugarbaby" by the way. To make it so they never have to call themselves an escort even though they are doing everything and more than an escort is doing it, without the official title. Point is, titles are dumb. I dated and hooked up with men for money. So what? Everyone in the world dates and hooks up with men for free. In that case, should a girl be required to list everyone she's ever had sex with, how they met, and approx how much he spent her portion of dinner and drinks? I am not seeing the logic here.

If a girl was a "sugarbaby" and met up with over 100 men off sugardaddy websites and had sex with them, should she be required to tell men she had sex for money? How is that different than escorting? Its not. See the power of titles and stigmas? Its plain stupid.

If it's not a secret, why is the title of your post "Keeping escorting a secret from boyfriend"? What is the real purpose of your post? Is it how to get better ideas on how to keep your escorting secret? Or is it to get affirmations that it is okay to keep escorting a secret from a guy you have been sleeping with for 4 months? You say it is no big deal that you escort, and yet you made this post which seems to contradict that.

I have no issues with you escorting. I guess what bothers me is that you are keeping secret from someone you have been seeing for 4 months. I would want to know if it were me. Clearly, a part of you feels that you should tell him as well, or you wouldn't have made this post.

I'm just giving you one guy's perspective. If you just want it to stay casual, you really don't have to change anything. You've said you told him you have had a lot of partners and are still sleeping with other guys, so he knows where he stands. But if you want to move to a more serious relationship, I just don't see how you can form a healthy one without telling him about the escorting. Otherwise, the deceit will just lay there festering.

rickdugan
01-03-2016, 09:41 PM
Why does every secret need to be shared? We all have secrets and the older we get, the more we accumulate. More often than not, people end up spilling their guts not so much to help their partners (because it rarely does), but rather to relieve their own guilt. What good can come from her telling her boyfriend that she escorts? She could lose a guy she likes and he could be hurt in the process. Maybe one of the reasons that our parents and grandparents stayed together more than this generation is that they knew the value of keeping their mouths shut when needed.

So long as she is discreet, the odds that she will ever be outed are pretty low. He's not paying her bills, so she needs to do what she must to look after herself. I think that she should stop when the time is right for her and not a moment before.

red.velvet
01-03-2016, 09:42 PM
If it's not a secret, why is the title of your post "Keeping escorting a secret from boyfriend"? What is the real purpose of your post? Is it how to get better ideas on how to keep your escorting secret? Or is it to get affirmations that it is okay to keep escorting a secret from a guy you have been sleeping with for 4 months? You say it is no big deal that you escort, and yet you made this post which seems to contradict that.

I specifically addressed and answered your first question here: https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?206841-Keeping-escorting-a-secret-from-boyfriend&p=2836767&viewfull=1#post2836767

and your second question here (the bold at bottom): https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?206841-Keeping-escorting-a-secret-from-boyfriend&p=2836832&viewfull=1#post2836832


I will not be replying to certain posters anymore, but will still reply to the ones who are reading and then commenting.

miss.a.p1600
01-03-2016, 09:47 PM
RickDugan you said what I was going to say but deleted.

NO ONE on this earth is 100% honest. No one. Period. I think we should strive for complete honesty but be real, especially the people on this thread thats married. Did you tell your spouse EVERY single detail about your past sex life????

I think the value comes in knowing if and when to disclose.

Like mentioned above, if your adult career is current then it would be best to disclose if things get serious. From what I understand red velvet is just dating not serious commitment yet. If your adult career was in the past then you would need to disclose if there is proof - like arrest record, health issue, coworkers who could out you, digital footprint of escort ads, etc. If none of the above then technically, you could keep adult work career to yourself only if 100% certain no one will ever find out.

I think the guys are right in one aspect is that If you have any feeling your partner could find out, its better to find out from you then from someone else. You telling him first would give you the freedom that No one could hold your 'secret' over your head.

amberlly
01-03-2016, 10:30 PM
Sorry the question wasn't for your Red Velvette but all the people very pro telling.

I just wondered as a male do you feel you should tell your partners/non exclusive women you are dating about your paid sexual entertainment? Past and present?


I have come to like secrets. In my personal life people spill their guts to me a lot. I am then left with a burden of knowledge and keeping a secret I didn't want to know. Also they usually expect you to spend ages reassuring them you aren't judging them, its all ok and you won't tell anyone.

Personally, I don't need to know everything about you. Just what is relevant and important to our relationship at the time.

red.velvet
01-03-2016, 10:59 PM
More often than not, people end up spilling their guts not so much to help their partners (because it rarely does), but rather to relieve their own guilt. What good can come from her telling her boyfriend that she escorts? She could lose a guy she likes and he could be hurt in the process. Maybe one of the reasons that our parents and grandparents stayed together more than this generation is that they knew the value of keeping their mouths shut when needed.

Exactly! What good would telling him actually do? "Hey so you know how everyone dates and has sex with others? Well I did it for money sometimes. Its called escorting." Nothing good at all will come out of that statement! All that would happen is negative social stigmas of the word "escort" will make him be really upset since he will then link the negative stereotype of a streetwalker with me.

It would be the same type of thing as him telling me "Hey I just had to confess this to you! Your friend I met the other day is SO hot and I masturbated about fucking her missionary and then sticking it in her big ass! I finished really hard. I've done this with several girls I've met and even ones I've seen walking. I just had to tell you because I didn't want to keep this secret." Its just completely irrelevant and not something I need to know.

Its bizarre that everyone is claiming that secrets are so awful and you should keep absolutely none. And its not even about it being a secret, its about it being irrelevant and potentially hurtful. Its not a useful piece of information. I didn't contract an STD, an arrest record, or anything else.

amberlly
01-03-2016, 11:52 PM
Double post

miss.a.p1600
01-04-2016, 12:45 AM
Well sometimes you have to tell people the "truth" even if it hurts in the short term. Other times you must first do no harm - even if that means keeping certain facts where you are the only one who knows.

I guess red velvet only you know which to do based on your situation.

red.velvet
01-04-2016, 01:59 PM
Well sometimes you have to tell people the "truth" even if it hurts in the short term.

Umm why is "the truth" as you call it, relevant when it would be IN THE PAST, and have absolutely no impact or bearing on the present or future?

I'm clean, have a clean record, and was safe the entire time. He is not at risk in any way. It doesn't affect him in any way other than perhaps being TMI and possibly hurting his feelings due to the patriarchal social stigma originally implemented around the word "escort" in order to keep women at a disadvantage in society. Its not like women are receiving equal pay in the workforce, nor are women routinely picked as the "ideal" candidate for a job due to potential maternity leave. Gotta bridge the income gap somehow, and for me that is through "escorting" which I feel absolutely no shame or guilt for.

It isn't even "unethical" because we both were clear that we are "seeing" other people as we get to know each other. I just so happen to be "seeing" guys for money sometimes aka escorting. We are not monogamous and have no type of "contract" in place that could be breeched.

Using your logic, does that mean I have to disclose that I shoplifted twice when I was 18 because its "the truth"? That makes no sense. The past would be irrelevant and the only thing it COULD do is hurt feelings. Previous sexual partners is usually a TMI subject. Do you really want to hear the details of your current lover or potential love interest's PREVIOUS sex life?

gameover
01-04-2016, 04:06 PM
Umm why is "the truth" as you call it, relevant when it would be IN THE PAST, and have absolutely no impact or bearing on the present or future?

I'm clean, have a clean record, and was safe the entire time. He is not at risk in any way. It doesn't affect him in any way other than perhaps being TMI and possibly hurting his feelings due to the patriarchal social stigma originally implemented around the word "escort" in order to keep women at a disadvantage in society. Its not like women are receiving equal pay in the workforce, nor are women routinely picked as the "ideal" candidate for a job due to potential maternity leave. Gotta bridge the income gap somehow, and for me that is through "escorting" which I feel absolutely no shame or guilt for.

It isn't even "unethical" because we both were clear that we are "seeing" other people as we get to know each other. I just so happen to be "seeing" guys for money sometimes aka escorting. We are not monogamous and have no type of "contract" in place that could be breeched.

Using your logic, does that mean I have to disclose that I shoplifted twice when I was 18 because its "the truth"? That makes no sense. The past would be irrelevant and the only thing it COULD do is hurt feelings. Previous sexual partners is usually a TMI subject. Do you really want to hear the details of your current lover or potential love interest's PREVIOUS sex life?

It is impossible to say whether it could affect him. Perhaps one of your clients might see you with him, and "out" you. Perhaps he'll see you with a client. Because of the stigma you mention, it could affect him in business or if he is in politics. A client might see you with him and the rumor might be raised at his work place that he is seeing an escort. The fact you are dating may not come out, or be relevant. Businesses are very conservative. Right or wrong, this does put him at risk seeing you while you are escorting. So, you can keep this secret for selfish reasons, but don't pretend there is no risk to him.

SweetJulia
01-04-2016, 04:22 PM
Her bf may never find out. But I think if you keep a secret like that, you'll probably keep other secrets, or do something else that will poison the relationship. And maybe her bf would find out. Maybe she does in call at her apartment, and someone shows up unexpected. Maybe she leaves a bill lying around for an escort ad she placed. Maybe it slips out later in a conversation. I'm just saying if it does come out later without her revealing it, it will be bad for the relationship. And I'm also saying that the longer that she keeps it secret before telling her bf the bigger deal it will become, at least for me, and I think for a lot of guys.

No offense, but those mistakes would mean she's really stupid and would have gotten herself killed by now. It's like if you were hiding going to strip clubs from your spouse and coming home wearing a club t-shirt. You just give off this vibe like you want sex workers to be extremely dumb-and we're not. Most ate educated and many make more than clients. You seem to have this mindset that money isn't the main factor in sex work-it is. Sleeping with someone for money and leaving when the hour is up isn't as intimate as sleeping with someone you're attracted to for fun.

simone87
01-04-2016, 04:25 PM
There is no reason you should feel like you HAVE to talk about previous sex life/partners unless you have an STI or smthg else that could put them at risk. If it's in the past, it's really none of their business unless you feel like sharing. I certainly don't want to hear about all the women my much older bf has fucked, hell no! Everyone is entitled to certain secrets, it's up to you if u want to share that part of your life, period.

red.velvet
01-04-2016, 04:41 PM
It is impossible to say whether it could affect him. Perhaps one of your clients might see you with him, and "out" you. Perhaps he'll see you with a client. Because of the stigma you mention, it could affect him in business or if he is in politics. A client might see you with him and the rumor might be raised at his work place that he is seeing an escort. The fact you are dating may not come out, or be relevant. Businesses are very conservative. Right or wrong, this does put him at risk seeing you while you are escorting. So, you can keep this secret for selfish reasons, but don't pretend there is no risk to him.

This is all impossible. He runs his own business and I live in a large city where there are way too many people for that kind of thing to occur. No one gossips about people they don't have ties to. You'd look like an idiot. If someone made something up, I would just deny it. No one does that though.

Clients know NOTHING about the real me. They only know my escort details (which don't look or sound like "me"), my fake real name, and my fake "real" life I've made up to get them off my back if they ever press that far. So if some guy were to talk about me, he wouldn't get a single detail right and would look like a lying idiot. I would just claim that he is mistaking me for someone else or has a mental issue. I wouldn't even have to say that. He would just appear that way.

Umm, I would be EQUALLY at risk right now since we are BOTH seeing each other, and have put it out there that we are BOTH also seeing OTHER people. And I always use condoms, so...? LOL so its okay for him to have sex with all the people he wants and but its not okay for me to? Right, LOL. I will never fall for patriarchal brainwashing, sorry.

red.velvet
01-04-2016, 04:44 PM
No offense, but those mistakes would mean she's really stupid and would have gotten herself killed by now. It's like if you were hiding going to strip clubs from your spouse and coming home wearing a club t-shirt. You just give off this vibe like you want sex workers to be extremely dumb-and we're not. Most ate educated and many make more than clients. You seem to have this mindset that money isn't the main factor in sex work-it is. Sleeping with someone for money and leaving when the hour is up isn't as intimate as sleeping with someone you're attracted to for fun.

Yeah I kind of wonder if there's some trolling going on.

In all honesty, safe and educated sexworkers are the #1 people in the world making THE BEST sexual decisions. They screen people, have protection in every form, and make sure they don't get an STD or else they won't be making money.

miss.a.p1600
01-04-2016, 07:36 PM
Umm why is "the truth" as you call it, relevant when it would be IN THE PAST, and have absolutely no impact or bearing on the present or future?

I'm clean, have a clean record, and was safe the entire time. He is not at risk in any way. It doesn't affect him in any way other than perhaps being TMI and possibly hurting his feelings due to the patriarchal social stigma originally implemented around the word "escort" in order to keep women at a disadvantage in society. Its not like women are receiving equal pay in the workforce, nor are women routinely picked as the "ideal" candidate for a job due to potential maternity leave. Gotta bridge the income gap somehow, and for me that is through "escorting" which I feel absolutely no shame or guilt for.

It isn't even "unethical" because we both were clear that we are "seeing" other people as we get to know each other. I just so happen to be "seeing" guys for money sometimes aka escorting. We are not monogamous and have no type of "contract" in place that could be breeched.

Using your logic, does that mean I have to disclose that I shoplifted twice when I was 18 because its "the truth"? That makes no sense. The past would be irrelevant and the only thing it COULD do is hurt feelings. Previous sexual partners is usually a TMI subject. Do you really want to hear the details of your current lover or potential love interest's PREVIOUS sex life?

I don't believe you read my previous post entirely but that's okay. I know there's a stigma around adult work and that makes it harder for people in these careers to disclose to their friends, family, and or significant others.

The past is relevant because it's not like you can pretend past actions never occurred. It just means what you did in the past no longer has to define you.

I wouldn't volunteer graphic details of past indiscretions but if my partner asked I would tell the truth. I've thought long and hard if and how I'd disclose things like my time at the strip club, etc. I wouldn't come out the gate like hey I used to dance for money but if the topic of strip clubs and strippers came up after ive been dating several months I'd say something about my experience as a strip club customer and a dancer.

I'd disclose only because dancing is more public (I had to fork over my ID, numerous people have seen me, there is proof that could come back and prove me wrong if I tried to lie) and I wouldn't want to live in fear of some hating ass douchemeister trying to out me. I would disclose even if it would be uncomfortable because I'm not 100% certain that my secret is safe in this city. This is one of the reasons I haven't dated since dancing.

Think about those politicians who the media somehow finds out their past indiscretions they think no one will ever know. Sometimes secrets are not as safe as you think they are. It's not like you are invisible. If someone wanted to know the truth about your extracurriculars all they need to do is hire a private investigator to trail you for a few days and voila....exposed.

I'm not saying you should tell him or shouldn't tell him just simply you have to decide what right for you based on your situation. Everybody's situation is different.

Plus what are you going to say if he ever randomly asks "one of my guy friends friends frequents escorts, would you do that or have you ever done that?" Like if he just come out and happens to ask have you ever been an escort, how will you respond?

red.velvet
01-04-2016, 08:11 PM
Plus what are you going to say if he ever randomly asks "one of my guy friends friends frequents escorts, would you do that or have you ever done that?" Like if he just come out and happens to ask have you ever been an escort, how will you respond?

First of all, who even asks that?

Second, my reply would be "I have dated wealthy men for money before when extra money was a priority in my life, and I already told you all that, but I am really focused on you right now" and thats the end of it. I'm leaving out the word "escort" or "sexworker" for all eternity because those have negative social stigmas and schemas attached to them.

Escorting is dating for money. He ALREADY KNOWS I have dated wealthy men for money, also know as escorting. I just never used the word escort. He is not wealthy but does okay for himself, before anyone calls me a gold digger since people seem very quick to point fingers in this thread. He also already knows I was previously a dancer, as I mentioned before. So again, there is NOTHING to hide. I just refuse to have a conversation where I say "HEY I WAS AN ESCORT THAT ENGAGED IN ILLEGAL PROSTITUTION ACTS FOR MONEY WHERE I FUCKED A BUNCH OF MEN I OFTEN WASN'T ATTRACTED TO JUST FOR MONEY!!" Instead, all he knows ALREADY is "I used to be a dancer. I have also dated wealthy men for money before as I was building up my sales career" and thats it. That is NOT a lie. That is NOT withholding information. It is just very carefully worded. I am keeping the rest of the details to myself. And I made this post to find others who have done the same thing, and for them to give me their stories.

If he asks about my "bedroom" number, I would simply say "I don't keep count, that's weird. I have sex with who I want to and when I feel its appropriate after I've made a conscious decision to" because thats all 100% true.

"The past is relevant because it's not like you can pretend past actions never occurred." Ummm last I checked, everyone has sex with multiple people when non-monogamous or single (and often times when they are married). That is COMPLETELY expected and implicit. 99% of the population. Again, he KNOWS I am not a virgin and he KNOWS we are both seeing other people right now. What is the big deal? Why are you acting like this is a big deal? I had sex with multiple people and remained safe and clean. So has 99% of the adult population. Cool. I just so happened to get money for it sometimes.

Furthermore, NOT bringing up the past when its IRRELEVANT is NOT the same as lying or even withholding information.

SweetJulia
01-04-2016, 08:52 PM
OP, some of the answers on here are making me ROFL and I'm worried I'm gonna spray juice out of my nose and destroy my laptop. I'm going to submit one last reply ans unsubscribe, cuz some people seem out to make you feel guilty instead of help. Soooooo, if I were you, I'd feel zero guilt. If you haven't verbalize that you and your bf will only have sex with each other, you have every right to fuck others. I'd pull a few grand out of the bank asap that came from escorting and roll around in it naked. Since you're being honest with your boyfriend-btw, bf can mean having sex with others, if you haven't had the talk- and be proud of yourself for using your looks and skills to get yourself ahead financially. You're not having sex for pleasure, to hurt yourself, or to hurt your boyfriend. Would you have sex with your clients for free? Do they satisfy you and do you look forward to their touch? Cuz that would be so much worse. Just escort until you two become exclusive. Watch your stacks grow and feel no guilt. When and if you become exclusive, you have a choice to make as far as how to break it to clients. Me, I'd just sever contact. This is supposed to be NSA. I'd stop answering calls and emails. If you have a few who are clingy, you may have to tell them to stop contacting you, unless they want to be blacklisted. Did you know National Blacklist info. comes up in Google searches? That tends to stop them dead in their tracks. As a dancer and scheduler in the past, I've had guys think I was bluffing until they searched for themselves one day. Feel no guilt about this either. Celebrate the progress of your relationship and the "loss" of clients who wouldn't just go away. Again, feel no guilt-you're young, beautiful, had a stint as a successful escort, and have your whole life ahead of you. You should feel nothing but a sense of satisfaction and plan how you'll spend-invest your escort income. BTW, make sure you don't flaunt that money to make him suspicious.

miss.a.p1600
01-04-2016, 09:14 PM
Anyone who knows what an escort is and how to form a simple question could ask that. Ive had guys randomly ask if I was a stripper, if I'd ever get an abortion, have I been sexually assaulted, etc. Guys are inquisitive especially when they are trying to get to know you and they like you.

I'm not trying to make red velvet feel guilty or anything of that nature I just think she's deluding herself. But to each her own.

Carry on.

rickdugan
01-04-2016, 09:19 PM
Anyone who knows what an escort is and how to form a simple question could ask that. Ive had guys randomly ask if I was a stripper, if I'd ever get an abortion, have I been sexually assaulted, etc. Guys are inquisitive especially when they are trying to get to know you and they like you.

I'm not trying to make red velvet feel guilty or anything of that nature I just think she's deluding herself. But to each her own.

Carry on.

Only in this little universe could one dream of ever asking a girl something like that. In in the normal vanilla world asking a girl something like that is considered a horrible insult and extremely offensive. A not unexpected response would be something like: "You really think I'm a HOOKER!!! Fuck you, go away and don't ever talk to me again!"

So with that said, I'm suspecting that he won't be asking that question out of the blue. :)

red.velvet
01-04-2016, 09:31 PM
OP, some of the answers on here are making me ROFL and I'm worried I'm gonna spray juice out of my nose and destroy my laptop. I'm going to submit one last reply ans unsubscribe, cuz some people seem out to make you feel guilty instead of help.

I know right?! I'm like, are these people trolling or do they hate being a sexworker or having to buy time with sexworkers or something? Its strange lol

red.velvet
01-04-2016, 09:33 PM
Only in this little universe could one dream of ever asking a girl something like that. In in the normal vanilla world asking a girl something like that is considered a horrible insult and extremely offensive. A not unexpected response would be something like: "You really think I'm a HOOKER!!! Fuck you, go away and don't ever talk to me again!"

So with that said, I'm suspecting that he won't be asking that question out of the blue. :)

Exactly lol.

And IF it did happen, I already stated exactly how I'd approach it without saying HEY I WAS AN ESCORT!!! And it works.

miss.a.p1600
01-04-2016, 09:36 PM
Lol! Great way to respond.

I've had guys I was dating ask me those exact questions in the normal vanilla world before I ever got into the adult career world. I guess some of the guys I dealt with are blunt.

SweetJulia
01-04-2016, 09:40 PM
Only in this little universe could one dream of ever asking a girl something like that. In in the normal vanilla world asking a girl something like that is considered a horrible insult and extremely offensive. A not unexpected response would be something like: "You really think I'm a HOOKER!!! Fuck you, go away and don't ever talk to me again!"

So with that said, I'm suspecting that he won't be asking that question out of the blue. :)
Yeah, seriously. Only someone familiar with escorting and this "hobby" would think that's an acceptable question to ask someone, in which case, she's got a whole lot of questions for him as a result.

red.velvet
01-05-2016, 01:06 AM
Yeah, seriously. Only someone familiar with escorting and this "hobby" would think that's an acceptable question to ask someone, in which case, she's got a whole lot of questions for him as a result.

If someone asked me that, I would probably spin it back on them. That's not a normal question to ask unless you are an avid patronizer (or wish you were), like you said.

SweetJulia
01-05-2016, 01:45 AM
Exactly! Seeing escorts is a huge deal breaker in the few girls I've known who've escorted.

Whoremama
01-05-2016, 04:40 AM
I'm so confused by Some of the responses here. My brain is exploding.

navigating this stuff is so difficult I know babe <3 But if you want to get serious with this dude you should tell him at some point Sooner rather than later cause if he's really fucked about it and refuses to keep an open mind and refuses to Put energy into challenging his thinking around sex work then he's a gross person and doesn't deserve you.

Here are a couple of resources for lovers of sex workers that are very very great






This is my first post here, I have no idea if I'm doing it correctly. Sorry if I've broken any rules :O

rickdugan
01-05-2016, 08:32 AM
I really don't get this thread. I understand why most blues in this thread feel the way they do, but I am baffled by the views of some pinks on this. This is about her taking care of herself and setting herself up for the future. IMHO she should keep her mouth shut and even lie like a rug if necessary.

Contrary to popular opinion on here, most good relationship catches, meaning guys who can actually earn and be good stable fathers for children, are not going to be ok with dating a current/former escort. So why should she limit herself to a pool of predominantly weak, useless and/or predatory men if she doesn't have to? If the risk of being outed is low, and I think it is if she is escorting discreetly, then I believe that she should zip it and let things ride. It may not be as emotionally satisfying as being able to spill her guts in the hopes of gaining full emotional acceptance of her entire past, but it is gives her a much better shot at a brighter future.

Heck, IMHO more adult workers could use her as the example of how to manage this stuff. All too many girls come out the back end of their adult entertainment lives with nothing but bad memories. All too often, some under-achieving guy is front and center in the picture. Not only is she NOT letting some guy derail her financially, but she is also eyeballing her future transition by dating a guy who actually earns decent money and can function in normal society. If she has to hide a little piece of her past from him to accomplish this, then so be it.

miss.a.p1600
01-05-2016, 12:22 PM
The risk of being outed is low. But Not impossible.

She asked a question and people responded. Maybe not the way she wanted but then if she already knows what to do then why create the thread?

Like another blue mention, in the off chance her partner finds out she withheld info (aka lie by omission) her shot with that person is gone out the window.

Plus I dont think ALL good catch men would write off a current or former escort.

Look at Ashlee Dupri. She got outed as Eliot spitzers call girl and in unlikely turn of events his career went down while hers flourished. She's married to a wealthy guy now and has a kid with him a believe.

I think guys are more likely to date a former escort than a current escort. Also I think there are more good guys who marry and support their wives (current/former escorts) than you realize. Look at suze Hamilton. She started escorting while married and her husband stayed with her.

red.velvet
01-05-2016, 12:42 PM
I really don't get this thread. I understand why most blues in this thread feel the way they do, but I am baffled by the views of some pinks on this. This is about her taking care of herself and setting herself up for the future. IMHO she should keep her mouth shut and even lie like a rug if necessary.

Contrary to popular opinion on here, most good relationship catches, meaning guys who can actually earn and be good stable fathers for children, are not going to be ok with dating a current/former escort.

This is how I feel.

Its true, most GOOD, accomplished, men in big cities like mine (Los Angeles, specifically Santa Monica) KNOW their worth and KNOW they are capable of almost any girl they want. Why be with a "sexworker" when they could not be with one? His viewpoint on me will change if he finds out I was a "sexworker" escort solely due to the social stigmas surrounding it.

miss.a.p1600
01-05-2016, 01:24 PM
I'm curious though. It's sucks there's a stigma as the stigma prevents openness about discussing and accepting of the profession.

But what about your worth red velvet?

It's already been established you or anyone don't have to go into detail about past life actions but I'm speaking about simply stating general facts about past life actions.

When can a woman be open (in general - not necessarily in detail) about past actions regarding the profession and it be okay? This especially in bigger cities where people are generally more open minded about things like sex workers.

Rickdugan is just 1 single guy out of millions. Your dude you are dating again one single guy out of millions. I just find it hard to believe ALL men with marriage potential to be close minded willing to immediately write off a woman for her past behaviors.

red.velvet
01-05-2016, 01:32 PM
I'm curious though. It's sucks there's a stigma as the stigma prevents openness about discussing and accepting of the profession.

But what about your worth red velvet?

It's already been established you or anyone don't have to go into detail about past life actions but I'm speaking about simply stating general facts about past life actions.

When can a woman be open (in general - not necessarily in detail) about past actions regarding the profession and it be okay? This especially in bigger cities where people are generally more open minded about things like sex workers.

Rickdugan is just 1 single guy out of millions. Your dude you are dating again one single guy out of millions. I just find it hard to believe ALL men with marriage potential to be close minded willing to immediately write off a woman for her past behaviors.

Lol what? My "worth" tells me I can do whatever I want to and be happy with the results. I am not obligated to tell anyone anything. I have a fantastic life that I've created for myself and will have several more chapters I also create for myself.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the guy. It has absolutely everything to do with other people, society, culture, the close minded. People judge their significant other, at least men do, partially based on how OTHER people would view that person and them together as a couple. Like it or not, humans are a species that cares what other people think. OTHER PEOPLE would judge him negatively if they knew he was dating a current or ex-escort. Its just a fact. It has absolutely nothing to do with him, but rather society as a whole. The more a guy has, the more he has to lose, and the more dating an ex-escort would jeopardize that and that's the truth. He would see the ex-escort as not a good investment. Especially when he is such a catch himself, he knows he could find someone else very quickly. This is how things work in our society.

There is a negative stigma attached to "escort" so until that goes away, I will not mention it. Its not going to go away anytime soon because its a way to keep women down and unable to make good money. Once escorting is legalized and the standard rates drop so low you'd be better off in a vanilla job, then the stigma might lower, but thats the only way.

Frankly, "escorting" was never a profession or career for me, like I've said like 3x now. It was a lucrative hobby. HE KNOWS that I dated wealthy men for money, like I said before. HE IS AWARE. Why would I be REQUIRED to use loaded words like "escort" or "prostitute" or "sexworker" when its just not necessary? I'm never going to. SO MANY WOMEN have done this too.


I think I'm done replying to certain posters or explain things that seem relatively obvious.

miss.a.p1600
01-05-2016, 02:39 PM
Your tone sounds unnecessarily rude and condescending. Especially when I have not been that way towards you.

You asked a question, in a public forum, I respectfully asked questions and provided my opinion.

I understand people will have their differences in viewpoints and opinions but why do you have to have a bad attitude and prevent mature discussion? If what I've said bothers you that much you can block from reading my posts.

Well Im signing off the thread.

Stay classy. Best wishes to you and your dude.

gameover
01-05-2016, 07:23 PM
Lol what? My "worth" tells me I can do whatever I want to and be happy with the results. I am not obligated to tell anyone anything. I have a fantastic life that I've created for myself and will have several more chapters I also create for myself.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the guy.

Relationships are about two people, not just you. All of your posts are all about "I" and "me", not "us". I don't think it's possible to have a rewarding and lasting relationship until you move from the "me" to "we". But I won't convince you, because your focus is just on what's good for you, not what's good for the relationship. Best of luck.

red.velvet
01-05-2016, 08:40 PM
Relationships are about two people, not just you. All of your posts are all about "I" and "me", not "us". I don't think it's possible to have a rewarding and lasting relationship until you move from the "me" to "we". But I won't convince you, because your focus is just on what's good for you, not what's good for the relationship. Best of luck.

I'm not in a monogamous relationship with this person lol. For the fourth time, we are BOTH seeing other people. Should we become exclusive, for the fifth time, I will quit escorting and that will be in the past.

If he doesn't have to tell me which girls he hooked up with and where, while not in a monogamous relationship, neither do I. That is a misogynistic double standard that I will never buy into. I keep the past in the past, and the details that no one would want to know without being hurt or jealous, to myself just like he and everyone else does.



No one answered my sugarbaby question. What if I was on sugarbaby sites and met and had sex with over 100 men for money. I would never be an escort, right? I'd never have to tell him I escorted, right? I'd just be a "sugarbaby" despite doing everything an escort does and more, right?::):O See why "titles" don't work out?

BambiCutie
01-05-2016, 08:53 PM
Read through your original post as expressed (apologies) The way you have it descriptive comes off as though your asking "Would you keep escorting a secret from your boyfriend?" Stressing the issue it seemed as though you were the person going through it. The question has drifted a lot and the answers are pretty much plastered..

red.velvet
01-05-2016, 09:19 PM
Read through your original post as expressed (apologies) The way you have it descriptive comes off as though your asking "Would you keep escorting a secret from your boyfriend?" Stressing the issue it seemed as though you were the person going through it. The question has drifted a lot and the answers are pretty much plastered..

https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?206841-Keeping-escorting-a-secret-from-boyfriend&p=2836767&viewfull=1#post2836767

https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?206841-Keeping-escorting-a-secret-from-boyfriend&p=2836916&viewfull=1#post2836916

rickdugan
01-05-2016, 10:26 PM
Relationships are about two people, not just you. All of your posts are all about "I" and "me", not "us". I don't think it's possible to have a rewarding and lasting relationship until you move from the "me" to "we". But I won't convince you, because your focus is just on what's good for you, not what's good for the relationship. Best of luck.

So now she's a bad person for trying to protect her own financial security? Also, did I miss the post where she indicated that he put a ring on her finger or even declared his undying love? :O

These are not two similarly situated people. He has more money than she does and can probably do whatever he does for a living for decades to come. She, OTOH, has a limited time in which she can pad her nest through her sideline gig. Taking care of oneself and planning for the future is considered, in some places, to be acting like a responsible adult. ;)

Once he gets on his knee and commits to a wedding date, then maybe a comment like that would be warranted. But suggesting that she flush away her limited earning avenues for a young relationship is just silly IMHO.

BambiCutie
01-06-2016, 11:22 AM
I think the point is being missed entirely here..no one is making her out to be a bad person and she has every right to protect her financial security. Very little is intentionally being directed towards starting altercation, but the question she asked "Would you keep escorting a secret from your boyfriend?" is what many are replying to. (Disregarding her boyfriend and however open their relationship may be..not claiming its not important.) I'm not sure if this question is going anywhere given its been expressed and argued relentlessly that regardless, she is going to do what she is going to do.. By the way, you don't have to post links to reference previous statements, I was mentioning how others may see your original question/thread post..which doesn't go against anything you've said. (If they are both active with other people, what is the meaning of this topic?)

Bambibabe
01-06-2016, 12:17 PM
Coming from an escort who kept her escorting a secret from 3 serious relationships... the stress, guilt and anxiety just isn't worth it. I really thought it would be impossible to find a partner accepting of my work! BUT, after all my shitty experiences I decided to accept myself fully and disclose from the GET-GO (I'm talking, first date. possibly even before we met up) that I am a full-service sex worker. Guess what? I went on dates. I had fun, I met tons of open-minded, sex-positive people that I was *more* compatible with because our ideologies about life matched up. And guess what else? The guy I am in a relationship right now I didn't even meet on a dating site. He was a random stranger at a party, and I am the first sex worker he's dated. He just thought I was too wonderful to let slip away. ;)

Now all of this is easier for me to say because I am fully upfront and honest about my work now, with anyone close to me. I understand that isn't the case for everyone, not to mention I'm Canadian--what I do has no legal repercussions.

I don't think keeping it from your boyfriend is immoral. You don't owe it to him, by disclosing that information you're putting yourself in danger as sex work is a highly stigmatized industry where women can be frequently victimized. Taking care of your own head and skin is ideally the number one priority in your life. Still, even without thinking it was immoral, I still felt nervous, guilty, and overly stressed doing it. The job ITSELF is stressful enough, and then you pile on all this extra secrecy ... it's not worth it imo.

red.velvet
01-06-2016, 02:11 PM
Coming from an escort who kept her escorting a secret from 3 serious relationships... the stress, guilt and anxiety just isn't worth it. I really thought it would be impossible to find a partner accepting of my work! BUT, after all my shitty experiences I decided to accept myself fully and disclose from the GET-GO (I'm talking, first date. possibly even before we met up) that I am a full-service sex worker. Guess what? I went on dates. I had fun, I met tons of open-minded, sex-positive people that I was *more* compatible with because our ideologies about life matched up. And guess what else? The guy I am in a relationship right now I didn't even meet on a dating site. He was a random stranger at a party, and I am the first sex worker he's dated. He just thought I was too wonderful to let slip away. ;)

Now all of this is easier for me to say because I am fully upfront and honest about my work now, with anyone close to me. I understand that isn't the case for everyone, not to mention I'm Canadian--what I do has no legal repercussions.

I don't think keeping it from your boyfriend is immoral. You don't owe it to him, by disclosing that information you're putting yourself in danger as sex work is a highly stigmatized industry where women can be frequently victimized. Taking care of your own head and skin is ideally the number one priority in your life. Still, even without thinking it was immoral, I still felt nervous, guilty, and overly stressed doing it. The job ITSELF is stressful enough, and then you pile on all this extra secrecy ... it's not worth it imo.

Okay and did you quit when you guys were monogamous or did you continue?


If not, the difference for me is that I am quitting when monogamous, as I've continually stated through out this thread. He already knows I have dated wealthy men for money and used to be a dancer, and I wouldn't be having sex with others while monogamous so there's nothing to stress or feel guilty for. Why would I feel guilty about something I did IN THE PAST as a consenting adult, where I secured my financial future? lol umm


A huge, huge, huge issue with telling men you are a sexworker is well, two-fold:

1- He is probably going to tell everyone you both know all about the details of your sex work (stage name, where you work or advertise, etc). He's at least going to tell a few good friends who will tell other people. This is a huge liability.

2- You are likely to attract the type of men that now see you as a total slut. You've expressed interest in him obviously, so now he thinks he can fuck you. He knows what you're looking for, so its easy for him to lie and say or do those things to get what he wants. He may not say it or act like it, but he will now say and do whatever he can, intentionally misleading you, just so he can have sex with you and leave. Should you never have mentioned you were a sexworker, he wouldn't have established this view of you.

It has nothing to do with how you carry yourself, and everything to do with the negative social stigma of a sexworker. You know, these stereotypes: strippers are "damaged" and "crazy" and escorts are "desperate for money and/or sex" and "promiscuous" so... I mean, even if he's open-minded, something in the back of his head, and especially his friends, will be pointing out these (sometime inaccurate) viewpoints and straight up LOOKING for tiny signs (often inaccurate or accidental) that can even remotely signal these things.

I have SO many sexworker friends that cry to me about these^ very things happening to them, and I keep telling them not to bring up sexwork if they want something serious. Sure, you might find a knight among losers, but it is extremely rare as you already tainted his view point of you by putting yourself in the "sexworker" box.

And if he hasn't put a ring on it, he's probably not serious. That's how I look at it.