View Full Version : Boyfriend Overzealous About Camming
Miss-Trust
05-11-2016, 09:33 AM
I think the best way to curb his enthusiasm and still leave him happy would be to start camming with him, filming with him, getting him to take on all the boring and tedious tasks that come with ypur business. Itll break the illusion that your creating. A bit like knowing how a magician does their tricks. When you don't know it's amazing and fascinating, but as soon as you know then its lost its magic.
Also, I really don't think that he prefers your cam persona to you but I understand how you have come to think that way. I think I might do aswell if I were in your position. You need to speak to him about how you feel so he can reassure you. We all need reassuring sometimes.
X
foxxxydiva
05-11-2016, 11:31 AM
Maybe I'm the weird one, I actually love it and I am flattered that my husband likes to watch my stuff since he has access to me 24/7. Is that fucked up?
Nah I'm with you girl. Sometimes when its a long boring night, my dude will skype with me from my other laptop while im doing a private, or he'll call and i
'll have the phone close by so he can hear and he will text me or sometimes he will come watch a tipping show. He does my photos and will surprise me and show up in my room sometimes.
If hes into it, I think its great. Better situation than the "why you showing your pussy on the interweb, bitch," type of dude. But I would be freaked out about the creeping. Anything dishonest, deceptive etc makes me uneasy. I'm from the "if he's hiding one thing, hes hiding another school of thought."
It sounds like you both have trust issues though. He feels he had to sneak and download your stuff and lie about it. You suspected something but instead of asking, you violated his privacy by setting up a video. Granted, your intuition was right, and its kind of a moot point, but its got some validity..Good luck girl
TrifilinCamHo
05-11-2016, 11:38 AM
I don't really have anything to say other than what has already been said here but as a human woman person you have a right to whatever level of privacy you feel is what is necessary to be comfortable. It's not like it's this huge ridiculous request that cam, being your work life, is something that you don't wanna intermix with your personal life.
My boyfriend asks me questions about cam sometimes in a very passive "how was your day?" type-way. And sometimes if I have a show that is extra weird or hilarious I'll tell him about it, but that is where it begins and ends pretty much. I don't work when he is at home and I never show him any custom stuff I make. In order to be the best performer I can be and hustle accordingly I need to completely separate my cam self from my other self without worrying too much about people I care for seeing it and passing judgement on or being privy to something that is in essence just what I do for money. Obviously everyone has different sets of boundaries but the thing here is that if YOU feel like yours are being violated, they are, and that is what is important here. Good luck Faye! Let us know how this pans out.
luvnrockets
05-11-2016, 11:42 AM
You are absolutely right on that and no one was telling you what to do. Only you know what's best for you but as Dr. Phil would say:
http://i65.tinypic.com/8x1y79.jpg
Actually, the best predictor of future behavior is the consequence(s) of past behavior.
Dr. Phil can go suck Dr. Skinner's cock.
Marina Starr
05-11-2016, 12:18 PM
Actually, I like Dr. Phil and what he said. I don't know Dr. Skinner, don't know who he is.
Of course people know the consequences but that still won't stop them from doing it.
Actually, the best predictor of future behavior is the consequence(s) of past behavior.
Dr. Phil can go suck Dr. Skinner's cock.
luvnrockets
05-11-2016, 12:52 PM
Actually, I like Dr. Phil and what he said. I don't know Dr. Skinner, don't know who he is.
Of course people know the consequences but that still won't stop them from doing it.
I don't want to completely derail the thread, but B.F. Skinner is the father of behaviorism, and it's not about knowing the consequences; it's about what the consequences are (there is a consequence to every behavior, behaviorally speaking): if a behavior is reinforced, it is more likely to occur in the future. If a behavior is punished or not reinforced, its future frequency is more likely to decrease. So what keeps a behavior going is consistent reinforcement from the person's environment. That's behaviorism in a nutshell.
drearea
05-11-2016, 12:52 PM
I feel like either way OP isn't gonna get a good result.
Future behavior directly correlated to past? Untrustworthy creepo.
Future behavior directly correlated to consequences from past behavior? An untrustworthy creepo who started with the belief he is entitled to every part of his partner's sexuality, who now has been told that him behaving as such is not a deal breaker.
LilLadyLux
05-11-2016, 01:32 PM
Ugh I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds to me like your man may be discovering he had a little cuckold fetish. Some men are extremely aroused by the fact that their mates are wanted by other men. On the low spectrum, you have a guy who wants a trophy wife to show off, on the high spectrum you have a guy that wants to watch out heart about his wife getting nailed by other men. I think communication is going to be the key here. I would have a hard time with my mate wanting to keep things really private from me, I hate to admit it but I would probably be the type to snoop.
Not my best personality trait, but they're we are. I think you need to explore together why your so bothered by it, and why he's so obsessed with it and where the balance is. Maybe he would really like occasional sexy Skype sessions from the other room of the house- his own porn that's for BOTH of you. Ps. He can pay for this to as apart of his fantasy.
But if your not ok with any of it he needs to respect it. The thing is too, your so new! Eventually you may be so comfortable that if he doesn't traumatize you with his snooping you may choose to share!!
audritwo
05-11-2016, 03:02 PM
I think OP's BF means well, he just isn't respecting boundaries. You two need to sit down and talk about each others wants and needs. Find some common ground. Maybe offer to create a custie account through your cammodels link so he can bid into shows any goldshows. Every once in awhile, though. You can control the account, password and whatnots. Understand this probably really really stimulating for him.
I really really like giving people the benefit of the doubt. This dude is just crazy horny because of his hot girlfriend.
drearea
05-11-2016, 03:43 PM
Crazy is 100% a word Id use to describe a man whose "horniness" overrides his respect for his partner of 10 year's boundaries...
audritwo
05-11-2016, 04:34 PM
I think ya'll are blowing this up and making it a bigger deal.
I think it's 100% crazy to think its weird that your partner wants to look at your porn. He is probably sneaking it because he knows OP isn't too comfortable about it. Give the poor dude a break,
OP: seriously talk with your partner. You guys need some serious communication on your each others wants and needs. Try to find a balance.
hyori
05-11-2016, 05:01 PM
I can understand all sides and you know what? Everybody is right! It just comes down to communication and being clear on boundaries. What is right for one couple will differ for others. I just wonder how polyamory works in this case, being a couple is hard enough, sheesh.
I learned a lot from this thread.
TheBrownFox
05-11-2016, 06:26 PM
I feel like either way OP isn't gonna get a good result.
Future behavior directly correlated to past? Untrustworthy creepo.
Future behavior directly correlated to consequences from past behavior? An untrustworthy creepo who started with the belief he is entitled to every part of his partner's sexuality, who now has been told that him behaving as such is not a deal breaker.
Yup. This BS right here makes me glad to be single. :/
FayeValentine
05-11-2016, 06:54 PM
You guys, we already worked it out lol. The thing about our relationship is that we resolve problems very quickly. We don't fight, we don't yell. The next day we'll talk about it and be all good. I understand his side and acknowledged my own insecurities. I took a couple days off but I'll be back camming tomorrow while he's at work until I see that I can cam when he's home.
TheBrownFox
05-11-2016, 06:56 PM
You guys, we already worked it out lol. The thing about our relationship is that we resolve problems very quickly. We don't fight, we don't yell. The next day we'll talk about it and be all good. I understand his side and acknowledged my own insecurities. I took a couple days off but I'll be back camming tomorrow while he's at work until I see that I can cam when he's home.
Okay. Good luck, Faye. *Hug*
FayeValentine
05-11-2016, 07:12 PM
Okay. Good luck, Faye. *Hug*
Thank you TheBrownFox! I really appreciate your responses.
FayeValentine
05-11-2016, 07:20 PM
And this isn't important, but a major duh moment just happened when I realized that he's probably autistic. I have 2 younger sisters with moderate autism and Asperger's Syndrome so I know the signs clear as day. I just never connected it to his behavior. It doesn't excuse what he did, but it makes more sense why he always has trouble communicating his wants and why he thinks it's okay to listen in air vents. When I brought up the idea that he may have AS, he didn't outright deny it so he knows that he's different than most people. That would be a new thing for us to tackle, but it may help in other regards.