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View Full Version : I hit my bf and he hit back



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miss.a.p1600
08-26-2016, 09:15 AM
And I would have been like well since you are violent towards women and hit me 3 times in the head it's over dude.

I'd probably have to get the last word, confirm its over, and put on text his abusive actions since he has selective amnesia, then block him.....But yeah that's just me though.

Anyhow, ignore him and it will be all good for you.

lilylilylily
08-26-2016, 09:30 AM
And I would have been like well since you are violent towards women and hit me 3 times in the head it's over dude.

I'd probably have to get the last word, confirm its over, and put on text his abusive actions since he has selective amnesia, then block him.....But yeah that's just me though.

Anyhow, ignore him and it will be all good for you.

Yeah I'm not going to reply back. Just ignore him. I'm feeling wayyy better today. Just want to say thanks again 😊😊

baer45
08-26-2016, 10:23 AM
He sent me a text saying he had no intention of telling my mom anything, that he called her to know if she spoke to me cuz he couldn't get a hold of me. He actually said he can't deal with this anymore cuz i'm violent when I'm drunk and it's the end. Ofcourse he did not acknowledge him hitting me back. Im relieved that he is accepting that we absolutely can't be together.
Did I just see a happy ending? Good. Good. Good.

emma383
08-26-2016, 10:24 AM
So you hit him. I'm sorry but I dont see a problem. With all due respect, he loves you right?

He needs to just stop being such a bitch about it lilly and forgive you. He could take you down and he knows it. If he can't move on then you should. Walk baby walk. Goes both ways.

Aurora_Sunset
08-26-2016, 01:04 PM
Yeah I'm not going to reply back. Just ignore him. I'm feeling wayyy better today. Just want to say thanks again ����

Great! Best to just walk away. In that "How to spot if you're dating a loser" article that miss.a.p. posted (It's either here in Life Support or Ladies Only), there's a tip for letting them believe that you are the problem. Let them. They'll never take responsibility for their own actions, but may get upset if you try to blame the break up on them and act like it's your idea to leave. Let them think that you're the issue and it's their decision to leave you, even if that's bullshit. It's safer that way.

lilylilylily
08-26-2016, 01:44 PM
Great! Best to just walk away. In that "How to spot if you're dating a loser" article that miss.a.p. posted (It's either here in Life Support or Ladies Only), there's a tip for letting them believe that you are the problem. Let them. They'll never take responsibility for their own actions, but may get upset if you try to blame the break up on them and act like it's your idea to leave. Let them think that you're the issue and it's their decision to leave you, even if that's bullshit. It's safer that way.

Thats exactly what I'll do. Let him believe it's all me cuz that's what he'll think no matter what that he can't do any wrong. I read the article twice and I couldn't believe how much of him I saw in this article.

lilylilylily
08-27-2016, 12:43 PM
Today he's called me 5 times. I had blocked him from calling but even though it still let's me know he called. I'm tempted to send him a text to tell him it's over and to not contact me, but I think the best thing is to just continue ignoring him. It's annoying to keep seeing his number even though he's blocked.

whirlerz
08-27-2016, 12:46 PM
I know.
You already told him not to contact you? If not, you can do that, but no more. I'd also keep track of these calls, even him just calling after you've told him to stop is harassment.
Good luck dear, as I said, it's a process (not an ez one) & you'll make it thru this. Take care

miss.a.p1600
08-27-2016, 12:56 PM
The weird thing about dudes when you ignore them is they come crawling and slithering back.

You have the power again but do you really want to go through this cycle again????

If you continue to ignore you make them question themselves and get the picture that if they f*ck up they can lose you for good. If you take them back with ease then they know you're easy to get and won't treat you with the respect you deserve.

lilylilylily
08-27-2016, 01:04 PM
I just sent him a text to say it's over and don't contact me again. It's funny cuz his last text he told me it's over so I thought it was the end. but of course it's not cuz he's trying to slither back in. So I guess all I can do do is wait for him to go away. Thanks guys

Ifyouseekamy
08-29-2016, 11:21 AM
Cops suck. I was abused and told if I left my house I couldn't come back ever! Cops often don't understand domestic violence and just want whatever makes their job easier.

Anyways, yes hitting him isn't okay, not trying to make you feel bad for what you already know wasn't good; moreover, even 60 year old men are stronger than most 20 something women. The number one threat against women is men statistically speaking- combining death from cancer, car accidents, disease, everything else- domestic violence is the number one killer of women! You know what men's number one killer is...heart disease! He is stronger and way more likely to hurt you. He could have called the police, but hitting you was not okay.

Even more, I know most of my worst behavior was due to constant psychological, sexual and emotional abuse. It doesn't make it okay for me to out crazy him, but it's a normal reaction to being in an abnormal situation far too long. I'm trying to say you know what your part was, forgive yourself, and try to leave the toxic relationship. Furthermore, abusers often "rescue" people so the victim has this image of well, "he did this good stuff." He did that good stuff because that's part of being an abuser. Is they have to do a lot of good stuff to hook you.

"Here's my advice- I don't use it." Haha

lilylilylily
08-29-2016, 06:10 PM
Just an update, he is coming escorted by a cop tonight to pick up his things. Should I mention to the cops that he has been calling me even after I told him not to contact me unless it's to pick up his stuff?

Gia2608
08-29-2016, 06:46 PM
No, just leave it alone. You don't have an order of protection against him. You will just seem petty and if you need the cops again. If he is starting to be too much, then you can file a protection order. At this time, he is just trying to get you back not threatening you.

lilylilylily
08-29-2016, 06:54 PM
I did ask the cops if has the right to keep his set of the keys, they said yes and he would be able to stay in my house too if he wanted to. I was shocked, I said but we can't live together we are hitting eachother, and the cop said it's his choice if he wants to leave or not even if he's not on the lease. I don't get that. Luckily he is not coming back. I changed my locks today anyway

Gia2608
08-29-2016, 07:09 PM
Some states have laws like that where it makes it difficult to evict someone. I guess that is what is happening here... but I'm glad you changed the locks. Stay away from him and come here if you need support!!

lilylilylily
08-29-2016, 07:12 PM
Some states have laws like that where it makes it difficult to evict someone. I guess that is what is happening here... but I'm glad you changed the locks. Stay away from him and come here if you need support!!

Thank you. You guys are really helping me get through this

miss.a.p1600
08-29-2016, 07:47 PM
I did ask the cops if has the right to keep his set of the keys, they said yes and he would be able to stay in my house too if he wanted to. I was shocked, I said but we can't live together we are hitting eachother, and the cop said it's his choice if he wants to leave or not even if he's not on the lease. I don't get that. Luckily he is not coming back. I changed my locks today anyway

Hell naw!!! I would ask a lawyer (over the word of a police officer) before I let an abuser stay in my home - so a f*cker could pour some hot grits on me and try to kill me in my sleep?!? F*ck that.

But anyways glad you both seem to have it sorted out so far.

baer45
08-29-2016, 08:05 PM
I did ask the cops if has the right to keep his set of the keys, they said yes and he would be able to stay in my house too if he wanted to. I was shocked, I said but we can't live together we are hitting eachother, and the cop said it's his choice if he wants to leave or not even if he's not on the lease. I don't get that. Luckily he is not coming back. I changed my locks today anyway

That shouldn't be the case. Get yourself lawyer up. Next time you call your lawyer and read cops badge number to him.

lilylilylily
08-29-2016, 08:13 PM
Hell naw!!! I would ask a lawyer (over the word of a police officer) before I let an abuser stay in my home - so a f*cker could pour some hot grits on me and try to kill me in my sleep?!? F*ck that.

But anyways glad you both seem to have it sorted out so far.

Since the day he left I've been sleeping well. I thought I would be scared without him here but I am actually wayyy less stressed being alone. So far I've been ok on my own. Doing what I like when I like and wearing what I want without hearing his lip. When I do feel lonely I'll just go see my mom which is what I did today.

whirlerz
08-29-2016, 08:36 PM
Glad to hear this!^

lilylilylily
08-29-2016, 08:51 PM
That shouldn't be the case. Get yourself lawyer up. Next time you call your lawyer and read cops badge number to him.

I Def will get a lawyer if he thinks he can come back.

BobbleHead
08-29-2016, 11:15 PM
You should look into the laws to have him legally evicted as soon as possible. I think it's like 30 days after you file for it in most places. Reason I say that is that by changing the locks you have now locked him out of his legal residence and he could file a civil case for it. I'm sure the peace of mind is worth it for you to change the locks but if you don't follow up legally he could use it against you.

Ifyouseekamy
08-30-2016, 01:47 PM
The best help is from the DV centers in my experience. It really depends on where you live and the laws there. When I left, the cops told ME a lot things that weren't legally valid. They told me I couldn't come back even though my name was on the title of the house. The shelter will help you file a protection from abuse and make a safety plan. As I was told by one my best friends fuck it, change the locks and see if he's willing to make the effort to get a lawyer or call the cops. One of the things I learned as a survivor, even if it wasn't fair, in the long run, I will get ahead in life if I cut my losses with a toxic person. I had to move out of my apartment because of toxic ex. I lost my deposit but gained my sanity. People can't grow or evolve until they are out of a toxic situations. You are stronger than you know and deserve healthy relationships.

absolutelyadorable
08-30-2016, 02:32 PM
One of the things I learned as a survivor, even if it wasn't fair, in the long run, I will get ahead in life if I cut my losses with a toxic person. I had to move out of my apartment because of toxic ex. I lost my deposit but gained my sanity. People can't grow or evolve until they are out of a toxic situations. You are stronger than you know and deserve healthy relationships.

YES YES YES. As stupid as it sounds, this was a HUGE reason why I stayed with my last ex for as long as I did. I'd invested so much money into things that I wanted to see it through: my first apartment, moving out of state, the place where I'm living now, furniture, etc. Without exaggeration I can say that I pissed away over $3000 trying to build a home with him but in the end, there's no price on sanity. You already said that you're sleeping and feeling better now without him, so it can only go up from here.

Astarot
08-31-2016, 10:22 PM
I'm a man, and i had a GF who one nigth hit me. Just I finished that relationship, before to start something that could turn in a drama.. as Ms. Vyanka says, is better to be alone...

Million of hughs, and please, take care, because hit someone doesnt help...