View Full Version : How do I convince my boyfriend to let me cam?
Thats SIX MONTHS from now! Do you not realize how slow that time is gonna go by while texting 9 hours a day? Call his Mama and tell her to get her little boy out your house. I bet she can make his ass get a job, since he cares about what SHE thinks.
I was right there with you on that one. He doesn't want momma to know b/c momma will set his ass right!! Call his momma!!!!
laurielegs
09-23-2016, 03:06 PM
I was right there with you on that one. He doesn't want momma to know b/c momma will set his ass right!! Call his momma!!!!
Yes!
You've been with him six years so don't you ever visit his mother? Convince him you need to pay her a visit. Put some of his clothes in a bag to take with you when you go. Tell his mother all about how he is leeching and leave him there with the bag of clothes, done!
Soon as he gets hungry he will find a way to get some money coming in.
tempest666
09-23-2016, 03:42 PM
Put on your big girl panties, ditch the dead weight that's hanging around your neck and make your money. Jesus H. Christ, I'd never ask a man for permission to do anything!!
DeepThoughts
09-24-2016, 12:46 AM
Sweety all these girls are giving you great advice but it sounds like your in the head space of an abused woman. You have to accept that your worth more then this and right now your not there. If you cant get there on your own seek out some help from someone who works with abused women. There is all kinds of assistance for this. Look it up in your area and go talk to someone.
Your not in danger but not all abuse relationships mean that he is hitting you. This is still abuse. Please go talk to a professional.
Marina Starr
09-24-2016, 04:39 AM
Why 6 months? Why not by the end of the month?! LOL
The best way to predict the future is to look at past behaviors.
I told him that he needs to find somewhere to go before the lease is up because I am leaving when it is up, if he does not have a job before then. Giving him until April when the lease needs to be signed again lol.
Companion57
09-24-2016, 06:20 AM
It doesn't take six months to get a job. He can get one by the end of October. He needs a wakeup call. Do it for his sake if not your own.
All you have to say is, "I'm tired of supporting both of us. If you don't get a job by the end of October, I'm kicking you out." Keep repeating it. He'll throw every excuse he can think of at you. Just keep saying the same thing: "I'm tired of supporting both of us. Of you don't get a job by the end of October, I'm kicking you out." It's not bitchy, it's direct and simple.
Tell us what happens. You might not feel comfortable talking to people in person, but you have a bunch of girls here who are more than ready to support you!
absolutelyadorable
09-24-2016, 07:52 AM
Why 6 months? Why not by the end of the month?! LOL
The best way to predict the future is to look at past behaviors.
^^ So true!
I was about to say fuck till the end of the month, give him a week........... then I looked at today's date lol smh. Caffeine deprivation is a motherfucker. Yes, end of the month, then change the locks, sell his shit, and tell him he needs to take his ass on somewhere. Or don't. He's a smart boy, he'll get the hint.
Marina Starr
09-24-2016, 11:13 AM
Girrrl, I'm evil, I show no mercy LOL! #ruthlessMarina #evilhoe
^^ So true!
I was about to say fuck till the end of the month, give him a week........... then I looked at today's date lol smh. Caffeine deprivation is a motherfucker. Yes, end of the month, then change the locks, sell his shit, and tell him he needs to take his ass on somewhere. Or don't. He's a smart boy, he'll get the hint.
audritwo
09-24-2016, 02:32 PM
Don't give this fucker six months. Don't give him any ultimatum. He already had three months to find a job and apply himself. If he got fired for laziness, what makes you think he is going to change?
You will feel like 200lbs lighter after you get this dead weight. You will be able to save so much more.
IvyAdams
09-24-2016, 05:26 PM
YOU are the only person who has to live with you 24/7 for the rest of your life. Take care of yourself, first. Be selfish. If the situation were reversed, would he be as generous as you are being with him??
Why would you give a second thought to somebody who doesn't give a second thought to you?? He is hurting you, he is using you, he is abusing you. You are worth so much more than how he is treating you and will continue to treat you.... no matter what pretty words he might say. Actions speak louder than words love and giving him 6 months to get his shit together is like giving a thief six months to bring back what they stole.
I know you love him, but if you truly care about him then you will do your part to make sure he learns how to adult. You're not doing him any favors by enabling him to act like a spoiled, lazy 14 year old who takes advantage of the love he is being given so freely.
It will hurt to drop him because you care, trust and believe I get it. I was in a very mentally abusive relationship for 4 years and leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever done. It was also the best.
You are a strong enough woman to realize that you deserve better, you wouldn't have posted this if you didn't realize that. You are also a strong enough woman to kick his ass to the curb NOW and start making decisions based off what is going to be the best for YOU.
MistressX
09-24-2016, 05:48 PM
I have been through this. I know you feel attached to him, like you've invested so much of your life into this guy. And you have! But, he isnt worth it. He's trying to control you and it sounds like there is some abuse going on in there as well as some have mentioned. you might not see it now, but kicking him to the curb is probably going to be your best decision. What he does with himself after is not your problem. He should have had a job instead of relying on you and trying to tell you what you can and cant do for work. Ivy hit the nail on the head, except one part: Living for yourself and taking care of yourself is not selfish. You only have one life to live, do not waste it carrying soggy, heavy baggage around.
IvyAdams
09-24-2016, 06:06 PM
ivy hit the nail on the head, except one part: Living for yourself and taking care of yourself is not selfish. You only have one life to live, do not waste it carrying soggy, heavy baggage around.
yassssssss queen
Arwen25
09-27-2016, 03:46 AM
Don't really have anything to add here.
Agree with Ivy and Mistress. 100%.
It's very tough to escape a psychologically abusive relationship; I have never been hit, so I cant speak for physical but I always found the fact that he wasn't physical made it hard for me to accept he was actually abusing. I was in it for 9 years and despite what my friends saw, I just couldn't until I really wanted to. Try and step back and imagine it was one of your friends. You deserve so much better.
Now I am out it and with an incredibly kind soul, it makes it even harder to accept I put up with it for so long.
Don't let it go on as long as I did, you are worth SO MUCH more. xx
TheBrownFox
09-27-2016, 09:06 AM
Okay, so when he had a job, I would always cam in private. He never knew about it since I would get on cam when he was at work. I also have a part-time texting job that I do so he thought that was where all my money was coming from.
He got fired from his job for laziness. He will not look for a new one. He recently told me that he does not plan on looking for another job because he does not want to deal with bosses, etc and that he is going to try to sell on Amazon. That is great. But it has been three months now since he has been out of work and all he is doing is looking for a few rare books here and there to sell. He has not even listed any to sell. He said he is trying to collect a bunch of them first.
I feel like he is just saying things to make me think that he is trying to get things started but really, he just wants to be lazy and play video games all day while I support his ass. Literally, all he does all day long is sit on his ass and play video games, while I pay all the bills, pay for his gym membership, put gas in his car, and buy all his food. He doesn't even clean up after himself, so I am doing 100% of the cleaning all the time.
When he had a job, I only had to pay my half of the rent and take care of buying all my own food, etc, so I only needed to text for six hours a day. But now that I pay for everything for both of us, I have to text nine hours a day. I can handle texting for six hours out of the day, but texting for nine hours out of the day gets very exhausting. The managers of the texting company literally sit on Skype while we are working and we literally cannot go two mins at a time without texting before they are messaging us asking us why we have gone inactive.
We have to ask to use the bathroom or get up for anything, and even then, we still get shit if messages go unanswered for more than a couple minutes at a time. So it is nonstop typing for 6-9 hours in a row. I would like to keep the texting job for six hours out of the day, just because that is guaranteed income, but would like to cam for the other three hours out of the day.
I asked him what he thought about me camming and he told me not to do it, that he does not want everyone to see what I look like naked, that I would be a whore for doing it, etc. But if I am the one supporting both of us, who is he to tell me what I can and cannot do? He would be homeless if if weren't for me supporting him. I just need a good argument that is not bitchy. He knows I hate texting all day long. He does not care though because he gets to sit and play video games all day long while a woman supports him. The life he has always wanted. He is living the dream.
Fired from his job for laziness? Damn. He wants to try to sell on Amazon? He'd better really read up on that then. There is selling on Amazon FBA (Fulfilled by Amazon) and there's Fulfilled by Merchant. I hear that Amazon has a lot of categories that are "restricted" for new sellers, and that supposedly they're more strict than eBay with their seller requirements. At one time, I thought I was gonna become an Amazon FBA seller, but I was sorta scared away from doing it, and decided to just stick with selling on eBay.
Sitting on his ass playing video games. My God, he reminds me of an ex I had (a younger guy) who was unemployed and sat around in his parents' house playing XBox 360 all day. I remember the day I applied for a small loan to help me out with daycare costs. When I was approved, he was like "Great! Now can you go back there and try to get another loan so I can get a car?" Motherfucker, are you serious?! NO!
It sounds like your boyfriend really isn't trying. If he was trying, he'd be out and about looking for jobs in your local area and/or searching online for jobs. The holidays are approaching, and a lot of places are looking for seasonal help (I'm CONSTANTLY seeing job listings for seasonal help for Macy's stores). I was just offered two jobs...one as a teacher at a church daycare, and one as Santa's helper (taking photos of kids on Santa's lap) in November/December. The 'handling money transactions' is the only part that scares me to death, but other than that I'm looking forward to being able to work with kids again.
You must have the patience of a saint to still be with a man who takes advantage of you like this. It sounds like he's gotten very comfortable with you supporting him, and he needs a fire to be lit under his ass. If you want, you can even offer to help him in his job search (search online on Indeed for local jobs, and search on Real Ways to Earn, Rat Race Rebellion, and Work at Home Mom Revolution for work-from-home jobs). Indeed has a great feature where even if you're unsure about a job listing, you can save it for later, and then you can quickly pull it back up later when you're ready to apply. Those two jobs I mentioned above...I found them both on Indeed.