View Full Version : Boyfriend's brother found my fetish porn videos

11-03-2016, 07:08 PM
Hey all,

I'm not sure this is the right spot to post this....

I just need a little advice. Or just to vent. I was on the phone with my boyfriend before (we've been together for 4+ years) and he started telling me about how his brother was looking for a certain actresses's sex tape on a certain porn site and came across my C4S videos. He says he feels embarrassed, he's not happy about it and doesn't know what to do. When my boyfriend told me I felt bad about his feelings more than the fact that his brother found a lot of my videos. In my mind I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I like what i do. I'm very good at it and I enjoy the money. When my boyfriend and I first got together I was webcamming. Then a couple years later I transitioned into clip making and it was a much better fit for me.
My boyfriend told me he wasn't exactly okay with it but we always kept it under wraps and didn't talk much about my work. Which did seem lonely for me at times. He basically thinks what I do is not a "real" job. Mind you right now I'm making close to what he makes being in the medical field with a college degree. I don't have a college degree but I do wish to go back to school one day. I just procrastinate and have horrible time management but that's a whole other story lol.
I love my boyfriend very much, more than anyone else I've ever been with and I know he loves me too but my line of work really gets in between us sometimes. He doesn't see it the way I do. To me it's about performing to the best of my ability. Yes I'm naked and I come up with taboo scenarios but it's all fantasy. He's never even seen one of my videos but I feel it would make him feel bad or something and he'd hate it.
Now that his brother found my stuff it's taken this to another level. I'm not sure what to do. Right now there's no other vanilla job I can take that would come CLOSE to paying me with what I currently make. I have one income and that's from C4S. It's worked really well for me and it just sucks that my boyfriend isn't semi on board with me. I guess a lot of guys would feel the same way though.

If it came down to choosing between my boyfriend and my work....that's tough. It really is. If I stopped my work and chose my boyfriend, I would end up being so resentful. If I chose my work and left my boyfriend, I'd be devastated and so sad. I'd probably choose my boyfriend. But ugh, then what would I do for money?! We want to buy a house and I'm trying to save up for that too. I wasted a lot of years of my life just fucking up and now I found something I'm good at that I enjoy and where I can make a good amount of money. This is just a sucky situation right now.

What do you guys think? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Thanks for reading..

11-03-2016, 07:57 PM
My two cents, take it with a grain of salt. If I were in that situation ( have never been ) I would imagine it would be OK for me, as a guy to accept, but difficult to defend if others found out about it.

Have no idea the depths of your conversations about this topic with him, but I would tell him as calmly as you can what it means to you, exactly as you've done above. Then give him "ammunition" so to speak so he can better defend you against whoever else. Ask him what he fears most from others, and then help him come up with what to say if those come up.

Tell him how torn you are, how much you love him, and let him know that if you had to quit to keep him, it would mean a big cut in pay, and your relationship would never be the same.

Also keep in mind (or have him keep in mind) that if this ends you, he'll still have to deal with dating a "porn star" for 4 years, and everybody knowing. Use this to persuade him that staying with you as a "porn star" won't be much different than breaking up, since the cats out of the bag, so to speak.

Just let him know exactly how much he means to you, and how much of a fantasy those movies are and make sure you're on his side, the two of you vs. all the porn haters.

Selina M
11-03-2016, 08:04 PM
I'm sorry he's being like that. That is very insulting he doesn't think it's a real job!

I don't think he's really as 'ok' with it as he pretends to be. This seems like a ticking time bomb. Your job is a major part of your life so he needs to be okay with it. He needs to be able to say "You found a video? Oh yeah that's her job... anyways how about that hockey game?" Ya know?

I haven't been in that situation fortunately, but I think I would leave the person. It seems too controlling more than anything.
My SO would "prefer if I did something else" but he understands why I dance and thus doesn't say a word. Sometimes he gets grumpy if I've had a night of sitting in a CR and come home with 4x what he made hustling his ass off bartending, but again doesn't pursue it. He would do it if he was a girl :P Bottom line though, it is more important to him that I be happy than whether or not I take my clothes off at work, and as such he has actually dissuaded me from taking straight jobs because he knows I'd be miserable.

On that note, your bf seems to be very selfish and insecure, and more worried about how HE feels about it than if you'd be resentful or unhappy if you quit :/ How much toll would it take on your relationship if you went to working for $10 an hour, 40 hours a week? You'd be stressed about money, tired from the hours, maybe bored or not liking the job... Then you're irritable and arguing with him all the time... in the back of your mind, you know it's only because of him you're in that scenario... etc. It should be more important to him that you are happy & relaxed and your relationship is fun.

11-03-2016, 09:23 PM
I have not been in the exact same situation; where a "family" member (calling him family due to the fact you and your BF want to buy a house and thus seem serious) but.. I DID have some people from the small town where I grew up find amateur porn that I did on the web. I was outed by a girl that I thought was a really good friend when I went to a friend's BD party because I was in town form my MOTHER"S FUNERAL... I got bullied a little bit; until my bff husband put them all to shame. It kind of hurt me to be treated so badly but I also don't really care about their opinions. I got out of that shit hole town and they did not. Nicomachean ethics, I suppose.

Anyway, my point is that if you have a strong desire to do what you do- which it seems you do; you should not let your BF brother dissuade you. I am going to argue with Selina (maybe for the 1st time ever) in that I think your boyfriend is actually pretty level headed. It seems he does not like it- not many men would like their girls friends to have sex on camera- even if it is with themselves; but he has not asked you to quit from what I read.

I know it might seem uncomfortable but I think you should confront the brother. He really does not have a judgemental place to come from as he was watching porn. I would explain to him the reason you do what you do and ask that he doesn't tell other ppl (like the in-laws) for sake of keeping the family in line.

If you decide to quit- do it on your terms. We all have to get out of this at some point or another but do not bow out because someone you know found your clips. Once you are ready to quit; you will know.

11-04-2016, 12:07 AM
I'm sorry this has happened! As far as I know, I haven't been found by someone I know but it does concern me...I keep a low profile just being on C4S, Adultwork and ELM but of course guys post my clips all over the place. I'm most concerned about my teenage daughter's friends finding me (she has a lot of male friends) but I don't think they would look for the fetishes that I do or for someone my age. As in your case though, it's the name thing that might bring us to light...if I google classy katy, Katy Perry comes up.

I am wondering how your boyfriend's brother is taking this? Is it worth talking to him? If he can understand what you do and why, he may be able to talk to your boyfriend and bring him round more.

My partner likes to joke that he's engaged to a porn star and he's proud of me for starting my own business...maybe your boyfriend can be encouraged to look at what you do in a different way. Would it help to involve him in some clips? He might see how fun it is.

11-04-2016, 11:42 AM
My partner likes to joke that he's engaged to a porn star and he's proud of me for starting my own business...maybe your boyfriend can be encouraged to look at what you do in a different way.

I think that is excellent advice. You are an entrepreneur, somebody who takes whatever skills they have and turns it into a product that is in demand by enough people to make a living. Few people are brave enough to even try that, let alone keep at it long enough to be successful at it.

Not only that, but you (OP) have taken things a step further, and by paying close attention to what your customers want, you've effectively modified your entrepreneurial efforts to better fulfill the market needs.

This takes WAY MORE RISK, intelligence, and skills than any "employee."

Teach your BF how to explain your job THIS way to his buds and bros.

11-04-2016, 12:19 PM
I was in a similar situation that turned for the worst, in the end being a very good lesson. After the relationship fell apart it became apparent how dependent I was on him, to the point where it financially crippled any chance for growing business. Personally feel at this point, having a relationship and finding someone becomes much more complex in the industry. The control starts to become a reason for concern, thinking or talking about it with others could happen, till things eventually unravel. Your boyfriend is not going to pay your bills, cellphone, car, personal care, insurance or put food on your plate and unless he is..there isn't much up for debate. I couldn't stand the thought of losing my ex, it completely shattered my heart both physically and mentally, which left me in tears when he didn't come home till 4am the next morning. The first thing that needs to be thought of is self love, not what you may lose from someone else that may feel different. Losing someone is never an easy thing and is very much like a loved one dying, if you choose to end things give yourself time to grieve. Chocolate, comfort food, movies, video games, getting out and possibly dating. If someone comes to your boyfriend after accepting camming, be it his family or whoever..they are technically confessing with their own hands covered red. They have a fetish or a need for these services, attempting to seek out videos or pictures and you are a business that provides this. It is a job if you will be reliable for owing taxes every year, as for it being seen as such..that is his own issue. Hope all turns out for the better..

11-04-2016, 01:18 PM
Thanks everyone for your insight. Some things made a lot of sense and I will bring it up to my boyfriend.

Wow Classy Katy, you are so lucky to have such a supportive partner who is proud of you. That's all I really want, is for my partner to be proud of me and what I do. That's what most of us want though. And I'm not saying I need constant validation (although it's nice lol) but my job is a big part of my life and to basically keep it in hiding from my boyfriend can conjure up a whole bunch of emotions inside me.

And BambiCutie I'm sorry that happened to you. Doesn't love suck!?!?! It's the best thing every sometimes but it's so scary! I really love my boyfriend a whole lot and it would be devastating if we broke up. I'd be physically and emotionally torn, for a while. But I guess when you have strong feelings for someone that's normal. I'm not the best with dealing with my emotions either so it would definitely suck. A lot.

Thanks again everyone I appreciate all your advice. Everything usually happens for a reason so we'll see what this situation brings....

Selina M
11-06-2016, 09:57 PM
I am going to argue with Selina (maybe for the 1st time ever) in that I think your boyfriend is actually pretty level headed. It seems he does not like it- not many men would like their girls friends to have sex on camera- even if it is with themselves; but he has not asked you to quit from what I read.

*tips hat*

I agree that most men probably won't like their girl being a porn star just because of the patriarch/slut shaming/etc stuff they were probably raised with. I would mostly be irritated with him because they have been together 4 years and just NOW he's upset about it. Like... I'm sure they've discussed before that she is naked on the internet and he cannot be so stupid as to think he or his friends might not stumble on it one day.

I feel like he's inferring he wants her to quit is the thing. He can dislike what she does without wanting her to quit (since it makes her happy). IMO it's a matter of time before this happens again and he actually says the words "I want you to quit".