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DeathAndTaxes
12-13-2016, 11:00 AM
Ugh....what do you mean participates in your deepest and darkest fetishes? Seriously, how dark and deep are your fetishes?

Nothing immoral nor illegal, just really embarrassing.

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-13-2016, 11:25 AM
^^^ Lol just because one guy says he wants monogamy or a relationship and actually does, does not mean every guy who says he wants those things actually wants them. Like I said, most guys have figured out that they can use these lines to get a steady stream of NSA sex from a woman and because he has so many women in this boat, he feels no loss if one cuts him off because he has a steady rotation of new ones. This is exactly what I see happen to my friends all the time and what guys (that I am not dating) have told me happens now.

Even the dating coach I mentioned earlier has said this is exactly why you need to avoid dating sites. It's because men have learned to say "I am relationship and monogamy-oriented" in order to get NSA sex for awhile, and if he does this to enough women at once then it doesn't matter when one cuts him off for lack of monogamy (since he lied) because he has more misled women waiting for him with sex.

Also, I am coming from experience in a major city. It might be different in small towns or like the Midwest where it's religious. Who knows. But this is the reality in major cities in the year 2016.

There is nothing wrong with having high standards, I am just saying that women, especially sexworkers, do not understand why they remain single now and it's because there is only a tiny closet sized space in society now for monogamous relationships in a mansion full of women wanting all wanting monogamy.

DonaDiabla
12-13-2016, 11:34 AM
Oh, I see :)I am sure that many women will engage in that with you.


Nothing immoral nor illegal, just really embarrassing.

DeathAndTaxes
12-13-2016, 04:45 PM
Even the dating coach I mentioned earlier has said this is exactly why you need to avoid dating sites. It's because men have learned to say "I am relationship and monogamy-oriented" in order to get NSA sex for awhile, and if he does this to enough women at once then it doesn't matter when one cuts him off for lack of monogamy (since he lied) because he has more misled women waiting for him with sex.

This is lying and immoral, there is a difference to being upfront... and this. Quite frankly I don't use dating sites, the way I like it is through large social circles, it is a reputation system based on social capital.

That said I mentioned I was open, not that it was something I currently want. I don't play the fool and make sure nobody gets hurt. If I start to see real feelings I initiate the conversation about where we are.


Oh, I see :)I am sure that many women will engage in that with you.

Billions ;)

Actually I take it back, the idea of somebody quizzing me about fetishes and paraphilia is making my palms sweat...

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-13-2016, 05:52 PM
This is lying and immoral, there is a difference to being upfront... and this. Quite frankly I don't use dating sites, the way I like it is through large social circles, it is a reputation system based on social capital.

That said I mentioned I was open, not that it was something I currently want. I don't play the fool and make sure nobody gets hurt. If I start to see real feelings I initiate the conversation about where we are.



Billions ;)

Actually I take it back, the idea of somebody quizzing me about fetishes and paraphilia is making my palms sweat...

I think they justify that it's not lying on a technicality that given the perfect opportunity they would be in a relationship, they just fail to tell the girls they are with that they don't want a long term one with them specifically. I think it's fucked up but I heard of this happening like 24/7, at least where I live.

oldster
12-14-2016, 10:26 AM
I will say, in my experience, which does not include living in a huge city with lots of dating opportunities, most men indeed want a relationship.

They just may not want a relationship with you.

example:

Local bartender, 30's tall, good looking, banged every available woman in a 30 mile radius, incorrigible. Even smart women who knew him went out with him, fucked him, couldn't figure out why they didn't fare any better. Met a woman at the bar one night, pretty but not perfect or anything, good 5 years older than him. Bang, game over. That was the woman he was waiting for. Do you think he knew that was the woman he was waiting for? Hell no.

People here just seem to be assuming that somehow 'men' know more about what they actually want than they do. You see a pretty girl, talk to pretty girl, ask pretty girl out, bang pretty girl. you didn't set out to hurt anyone, you really didn't think it through more thoroughly than that.

Do you think a guy reasons through all the potential pitfalls of every person of the opposite sex he talks to? Do you?

I won't bore you with the stories of the times women were banging me and wanted nothing more and ran when I suggested more[you've done it. you know you have] but I will give an example of times I was 'the asshole'

Met a woman, friend of friends, smart, funny,liked to drink wine and talk. Went out, awesome sex, awesome conversation. Sunday mornings spent fucking, drinking coffee, reading the newspaper, laughing. Idyllic really. but..............reality steps in. She didn't want kids. Major life goals do not align. I broke up with her, broke her heart, really broke mine, miss her all the time, years later.
So, what, you have to have it all figured out, every step of the way? She no doubt thinks I 'didn't want a relationship'

If you are really meeting men who really don't want to have a relationship, you really have to look at the men you are attracted to. I am not making excuses for 'men behaving badly' but if you are just dating men you are attracted to , but not interested in, then you are bound to be disappointed.

Why are you dating him?
Because he talked to you? It just means he was attracted to you, but what's in it for you?

If you meet an attractive guy and want to fuck him, go for it. If you cannot in this day and age have an orgasm with another person in the room without committing to raising their children, I do not know if this is America. Expecting everyone you sleep with to want to have a relationship with you seems a lot more limiting to you than to any potential men involved.

However, if you want successful relationships, which may or may not start out with fucking, find interesting people. To find interesting people it helps to be interesting yourself. Now there are plenty of interesting assholes, so there are no guarantees.

I have struggled with the attraction vs good for me equation most of my life. I imagine most people do.

So, in the end, find 'good for you' people, rather than 'attractive to you' people and for some of those people you will be a 'good for them' person above and beyond being an 'attractive to them' person.

At the end of the day it is amazing that people have successful relationships at all, considering the complexity of it all.......

fbsmgirl
12-14-2016, 11:52 AM
I will say, in my experience, which does not include living in a huge city with lots of dating opportunities, most men indeed want a relationship.

They just may not want a relationship with you.

example:

Local bartender, 30's tall, good looking, banged every available woman in a 30 mile radius, incorrigible. Even smart women who knew him went out with him, fucked him, couldn't figure out why they didn't fare any better. Met a woman at the bar one night, pretty but not perfect or anything, good 5 years older than him. Bang, game over. That was the woman he was waiting for. Do you think he knew that was the woman he was waiting for? Hell no.

People here just seem to be assuming that somehow 'men' know more about what they actually want than they do. You see a pretty girl, talk to pretty girl, ask pretty girl out, bang pretty girl. you didn't set out to hurt anyone, you really didn't think it through more thoroughly than that.

Do you think a guy reasons through all the potential pitfalls of every person of the opposite sex he talks to? Do you?

I won't bore you with the stories of the times women were banging me and wanted nothing more and ran when I suggested more[you've done it. you know you have] but I will give an example of times I was 'the asshole'

Met a woman, friend of friends, smart, funny,liked to drink wine and talk. Went out, awesome sex, awesome conversation. Sunday mornings spent fucking, drinking coffee, reading the newspaper, laughing. Idyllic really. but..............reality steps in. She didn't want kids. Major life goals do not align. I broke up with her, broke her heart, really broke mine, miss her all the time, years later.
So, what you have to have it all figured out, every step of the way? She no doubt thinks I 'didn't want a relationship'

If you are really meeting men who really don't want to have a relationship, you really have to look at the men you are attracted to. I am not making excuses for 'men behaving badly' but if you are just dating men you are attracted to , but not interested in, then you are bound to be disappointed.

Why are you dating him?
Because he talked to you? It just means he was attracted to you, but what's in it for you?

If you meet an attractive guy and want to fuck him, go for it. IF you cannot in this day and age have an orgasm with another person in the room without committing to raising their children, I do not know if this is America. Expecting everyone you sleep with to want to have a relationship with you seems a lot more limiting to you than to any potential men involved.

However, if you want successful relationships, which may or may not start out with fucking, find interesting people. To find interesting people it helps to be interesting yourself. Now there are plenty of interesting assholes, so there are no guarantees.

I have struggled with the attraction vs good for me equation most of my life. I imagine most people do.

So, in the end, find 'good for you' people, rather than 'attractive to you' people and for some of those people you will be a 'good for them' person above and beyond being an 'attractive to them' person.

At the end of the day it is amazing that people have successful relationships at all, considering the complexity of it all.......
Very well said!
You have to be interesting yourself.
What do you have to offer?
A lot of us really do go for the wrong type.
I'm saving this post

whirlerz
12-14-2016, 12:25 PM
Very well said!
You have to be interesting yourself.
What do you have to offer?
A lot of us really do go for the wrong type.
I'm saving this post

Yes, I'm glad to hear from a non-troll blue w/something of substance to say. :)

We had a rabbit like you
12-14-2016, 12:38 PM
"They just may not want a relationship you ". Ouch, but very true!! Happened to me a few times.."I'm not ready for anything serious right now , let's take it slow and see where it goes" then two months later they are in a committed relationship and madly in love. I've always blamed myself for asking for commitment too soon or acting clingy but maybe we just weren't good fit *shrug*. I eventually found my fit so maybe everything happens for a reason

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-14-2016, 12:55 PM
"They just may not want a relationship you ". Ouch, but very true!! Happened to me a few times.."I'm not ready for anything serious right now , let's take it slow and see where it goes" then two months later they are in a committed relationship and madly in love. I've always blamed myself for asking for commitment too soon or acting clingy but maybe we just weren't good fit *shrug*. I eventually found my fit so maybe everything happens for a reason

Yes and why this is problematic behavior is because the guy won't tell you you aren't a good fit for him when he knows it because he wants to use you for free casual sex. Not you specifically, but the girl.

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-14-2016, 12:57 PM
I will say, in my experience, which does not include living in a huge city with lots of dating opportunities, most men indeed want a relationship.

They just may not want a relationship with you.

example:

Local bartender, 30's tall, good looking, banged every available woman in a 30 mile radius, incorrigible. Even smart women who knew him went out with him, fucked him, couldn't figure out why they didn't fare any better. Met a woman at the bar one night, pretty but not perfect or anything, good 5 years older than him. Bang, game over. That was the woman he was waiting for. Do you think he knew that was the woman he was waiting for? Hell no.

People here just seem to be assuming that somehow 'men' know more about what they actually want than they do. You see a pretty girl, talk to pretty girl, ask pretty girl out, bang pretty girl. you didn't set out to hurt anyone, you really didn't think it through more thoroughly than that.

Do you think a guy reasons through all the potential pitfalls of every person of the opposite sex he talks to? Do you?

I won't bore you with the stories of the times women were banging me and wanted nothing more and ran when I suggested more[you've done it. you know you have] but I will give an example of times I was 'the asshole'

Met a woman, friend of friends, smart, funny,liked to drink wine and talk. Went out, awesome sex, awesome conversation. Sunday mornings spent fucking, drinking coffee, reading the newspaper, laughing. Idyllic really. but..............reality steps in. She didn't want kids. Major life goals do not align. I broke up with her, broke her heart, really broke mine, miss her all the time, years later.
So, what you have to have it all figured out, every step of the way? She no doubt thinks I 'didn't want a relationship'

If you are really meeting men who really don't want to have a relationship, you really have to look at the men you are attracted to. I am not making excuses for 'men behaving badly' but if you are just dating men you are attracted to , but not interested in, then you are bound to be disappointed.

Why are you dating him?
Because he talked to you? It just means he was attracted to you, but what's in it for you?

If you meet an attractive guy and want to fuck him, go for it. IF you cannot in this day and age have an orgasm with another person in the room without committing to raising their children, I do not know if this is America. Expecting everyone you sleep with to want to have a relationship with you seems a lot more limiting to you than to any potential men involved.

However, if you want successful relationships, which may or may not start out with fucking, find interesting people. To find interesting people it helps to be interesting yourself. Now there are plenty of interesting assholes, so there are no guarantees.

I have struggled with the attraction vs good for me equation most of my life. I imagine most people do.

So, in the end, find 'good for you' people, rather than 'attractive to you' people and for some of those people you will be a 'good for them' person above and beyond being an 'attractive to them' person.

At the end of the day it is amazing that people have successful relationships at all, considering the complexity of it all.......

Yeah you're right because absolutely none of this is relevant to those of us who live in a big city because most people paying those premiums to live in a big city already are interesting and only date people they are both attracted to and have tons of things in common with because there are so many people to choose from.

In fact, I don't even know anyone (including men) who fucks someone just because they are physically attractive. It's always because they find them physically attractive, have their ideal ferishes, like their clothing style, like their career path, and have tons in common.

This is why it's a zillion times more complicated dating in a major city.

Violethollywood
12-14-2016, 01:36 PM
Lol WHAT ?!

I'm sorry but I just died laughing at the post above mine.

"find people that are good for you over them being attractive"

yeah that's the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Idc how "good for me" some guy is (LOL) If I'm not sexually attracted to them, it's never happening. Not in a million years.

A guy could be the total package as far as "good for me" goes but if he's ugly/fat--- HAHA Good luck buddy. Shallow? No I'm not shallow, it's called

sexual/physical attraction to somebody is EXTREMELY important. You think a woman wants to get pounded by an ugly fat ass who has his shit together and is good for her? Jesus christ smh . No woman wants some guy fucking her, let alone a relationship with that she doesn't find attractive. period. point blank. You cannot argue this .

LegoMoney
12-14-2016, 02:15 PM
This thread is so damn informational, and yet, so damn depressing. :(

lemiwinks31
12-14-2016, 02:19 PM
At least the last 2 posters have it all figured out, whats wrong with the rest of you! lol


(not you lego)

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-14-2016, 04:02 PM
^I am using information from books, dating coaches, a background in psychology, and my own experiences as a serial dater before I decided I wanted to focus on settling down. I used to often go on dates with 3-5 different people a week (ones I had stuff in common with) because dating was like my little hobby lol

Obviously this changes from geographical region (different cultures) to geographical region as well as age brackets, but honestly a lot of it is just kind of universal truths because the culture of society changed

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-14-2016, 04:06 PM
Lol WHAT ?!

I'm sorry but I just died laughing at the post above mine.

"find people that are good for you over them being attractive"

yeah that's the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Idc how "good for me" some guy is (LOL) If I'm not sexually attracted to them, it's never happening. Not in a million years.

A guy could be the total package as far as "good for me" goes but if he's ugly/fat--- HAHA Good luck buddy. Shallow? No I'm not shallow, it's called

sexual/physical attraction to somebody is EXTREMELY important. You think a woman wants to get pounded by an ugly fat ass who has his shit together and is good for her? Jesus christ smh . No woman wants some guy fucking her, let alone a relationship with that she doesn't find attractive. period. point blank. You cannot argue this .

Yeah lol the only attractive women who think the way he does are gold diggers and opportunists lol

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-14-2016, 06:54 PM
I hope every woman who hears any of these lines after 2 maybe 3 months, runs in the opposite direction:

- Lets just see where this goes...
- I like to let things unfold naturally
- We are still getting to know each other and no one knows enough about the other person after 2 or 3 months so we shouldn't be official yet
- Oh facebook? Having a relationship status on there is cheesy and no one I know does that. It's all about what we have right now
- You're being pushy and I feel pressured so let's take the pressure off titles
- I don't believe in titles, we have a great thing going
- I spend all my free time with you though, my focus is on you, obviously I don't even have time to go out and date a bunch of women I'm so busy
- I don't have time for something really serious right now. If you just give it a little while things might change
- I'm not looking for anything really serious, but who know what can happen

They are all pussy hustles. There's a good chance that in 2 months he will be in a monogamous relationship with someone else he just met.

DeathAndTaxes
12-14-2016, 09:24 PM
I think they justify that it's not lying on a technicality that given the perfect opportunity they would be in a relationship, they just fail to tell the girls they are with that they don't want a long term one with them specifically. I think it's fucked up but I heard of this happening like 24/7, at least where I live.

Those that know but are liars and should be shamed, the problem is of course knowing for sure that they are lying and if other women pay attention. I mean its not like women kept marrying Trump without knowing what it meant, that he would cheat and divorce them before the prenup expired...

That said I do ask for a little empathy on our end, we like sex we make it obvious we do, we sacrifice a lot to get it, without our stubbornness the species would go extinct (although mad respect for you ladies that UNDERSTAND what cold approaching really means). So we finally reach a point where our high libido is satiated and the party is over? its lights out everybody go home? Sometimes people have mismatching libidos. Ethical polyamory is a thing, perhaps it is convenient for me to believe it, but I believe I am doing right regardless.



Yes, I'm glad to hear from a non-troll blue w/something of substance to say.

That is not nice :) I actually registered for advice on something else.



Idc how "good for me" some guy is (LOL) If I'm not sexually attracted to them, it's never happening. Not in a million years.


Exactly "settling" is just a recipe for disaster. More likely than not: No attraction will be noticed, it will be resented and the relationship will fall apart, even if nobody cheats.

Speaking of "settling" it might as well be cardinal sin, saying that you were a wild girl before but now you are ready to settle down in a vanilla lifestyle, yeah I rather had been shot.

Gia2608
12-14-2016, 09:39 PM
Ethical polyamory is a thing. Check.


But, we do not need men to keep the species alive. Cloning is done with mitochondrial DNA and more women than men are getting advanced degrees; so you better come with something better than "Sperm Donor". This is not me "man hating" because I actually like a lot of gentlemen (but not fuck boys). Obviously you like sex, 70% of you behave like cro-magnons the other 30% are gentlemen that might see their family legacy live on.

I think it's cute that some of ya'll think women are going back to chained to the stove cause this Pumpkin Martini "won" the presidency of the USA but the pussy will always grab back and now we are more educated and ain't no body sitting down; honey.

Vyanka
12-14-2016, 10:28 PM
I met this cute 30 yr old customer this week at work, he tells me that he's seeing a girl that looks "good on paper" but he doesn't have that intense sexual chemistry he craves for. Basically, he called her basic. Lol.

It reminded me of this thread. I guess it goes both ways.

oldster
12-15-2016, 08:08 AM
Lol WHAT ?!

I'm sorry but I just died laughing at the post above mine.

"find people that are good for you over them being attractive"

yeah that's the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Idc how "good for me" some guy is (LOL) If I'm not sexually attracted to them, it's never happening. Not in a million years.

A guy could be the total package as far as "good for me" goes but if he's ugly/fat--- HAHA Good luck buddy. Shallow? No I'm not shallow, it's called

sexual/physical attraction to somebody is EXTREMELY important. You think a woman wants to get pounded by an ugly fat ass who has his shit together and is good for her? Jesus christ smh . No woman wants some guy fucking her, let alone a relationship with that she doesn't find attractive. period. point blank. You cannot argue this .

[shouldnta said that , deleted]...........

How you interpret my comments as saying 'fuck ugly people' is beyond me.

The world is full of people you will find attractive

People who are good for you are much more difficult to find.

When the question is 'why can't I find the right guy?'

The answer is usually 'because you are choosing poorly'

The alternative answer 'because guys suck' is both largely untrue and profoundly unhelpful

oldster
12-15-2016, 08:18 AM
Yeah you're right because absolutely none of this is relevant to those of us who live in a big city because most people paying those premiums to live in a big city already are interesting and only date people they are both attracted to and have tons of things in common with because there are so many people to choose from.

In fact, I don't even know anyone (including men) who fucks someone just because they are physically attractive. It's always because they find them physically attractive, have their ideal ferishes, like their clothing style, like their career path, and have tons in common.

This is why it's a zillion times more complicated dating in a major city.



The problem with major metropolises is that one can live the fun and casual sex lifestyle for much longer than in the small boroughs that are the rest of the world. I did not mean to imply it was 'easy' but that out in nowheresville one must actually work at meeting people at all compared to a real city. Most of the thoughtful people[men and women] I know who spent their 20's in the city agree that 'OMG you can do this forever' but of course you cannot, one day you wake up tired, alone, and no longer hottest chick in the room.

I believe most of the women posting here have difficulty imagining that day, thus my belief that my perspective may be worthwhile.

fbsmgirl
12-15-2016, 09:22 AM
[shouldnta said that , deleted]...........

How you interpret my comments as saying 'fuck ugly people' is beyond me.

The world is full of people you will find attractive

People who are good for you are much more difficult to find.

When the question is 'why can't I find the right guy?'

The answer is usually 'because you are choosing poorly'

The alternative answer 'because guys suck' is both largely untrue and profoundly unhelpful
Yeah not sure why Violet interpreted the way she did.
Attractiveness should never be "EXTREMELY" important because looks fade over time.
As human beings we naturally gravitate toward people that we think are "cute", "good looking" -- or at least "fuckable", so
the chances of me "getting pounded" by a man that I thought was "ugly/fat as fuck" is pretty slim.
I've dated A LOT of men that I didn't think were attractive at first but overtime they won me over with their personality.

DeathAndTaxes
12-15-2016, 10:33 AM
But, we do not need men to keep the species alive. Cloning is done with mitochondrial DNA and more women than men are getting advanced degrees; so you better come with something better than "Sperm Donor". This is not me "man hating" because I actually like a lot of gentlemen (but not fuck boys). Obviously you like sex, 70% of you behave like cro-magnons the other 30% are gentlemen that might see their family legacy live on.

Lol, women going their own way? j/k. That said I do think the future is less humans and more machines, the advancements in Artificial Intelligence over the past few years is jawdropping. I don't want to change the subject though.



I think it's cute that some of ya'll think women are going back to chained to the stove cause this Pumpkin Martini "won" the presidency of the USA but the pussy will always grab back and now we are more educated and ain't no body sitting down; honey.

I sure hope so, I supported Bernie then Clinton. Trump is an existential threat.

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-15-2016, 11:08 AM
The problem with major metropolises is that one can live the fun and casual sex lifestyle for much longer than in the small boroughs that are the rest of the world. I did not mean to imply it was 'easy' but that out in nowheresville one must actually work at meeting people at all compared to a real city. Most of the thoughtful people[men and women] I know who spent their 20's in the city agree that 'OMG you can do this forever' but of course you cannot, one day you wake up tired, alone, and no longer hottest chick in the room.

I believe most of the women posting here have difficulty imagining that day, thus my belief that my perspective may be worthwhile.

That makes no sense though. Your original point was that looks matter but only to an extent because you need to focus on someone who has personality traits that are good for you. And then here you say that one day all the women on SW will be in for a rude awakening when they realize they are no longer super hot and can't hold down a roster of guys.

...Shouldn't it not matter how hot you are given your original long post about how looks aren't the most important thing?

oldster
12-15-2016, 01:36 PM
That makes no sense though. Your original point was that looks matter but only to an extent because you need to focus on someone who has personality traits that are good for you. And then here you say that one day all the women on SW will be in for a rude awakening when they realize they are no longer super hot and can't hold down a roster of guys.

...Shouldn't it not matter how hot you are given your original long post about how looks aren't the most important thing?


[sigh]

What I am trying to get across is that when you have hit the genetic lottery of beauty, and have no doubt worked hard at maintaining this, do not waste it by falling for someone who also happens to have hit the genetic lottery

Looks, far from being unimportant, are very important, very important not to be fooled by, not to be distracted by. Use your inherent advantage, don't waste it.


If a guy says 'I only date hot chicks' what do you think of him? Not much?

Works the other way too.

BambiCutie
12-15-2016, 01:50 PM
OHITSRIRI is spot on..exclusivity often gets mentioned early on through being possessive and it instantly comes off as selfish. (Don't dismiss that gut feeling) I believe now that being friends with someone prior for a good amount of time gives you a better insight of who they actually are. Space is essential in holding separate lives from each other and investing towards greater connection by creating memories through events for long term commitment.

Guys don't like to be in the friend zone by most woman because it means the chances of something more developing are unlikely. When being friends with someone you can see the signs more clearly than being blinded by lust or fake/nervous impressions. (No strings) Its very difficult given that a lot of men don't have the capability of holding out from making someone official when they are available to others. (Ownership) Being friends creates a type of bond that is very personal than dating with the expectations of commitment later on. People dating with any platform will have the chance of meeting someone great or far successful than even those being friends, this is just from what I've seen with changes.

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-15-2016, 10:08 PM
[sigh]

What I am trying to get across is that when you have hit the genetic lottery of beauty, and have no doubt worked hard at maintaining this, do not waste it by falling for someone who also happens to have hit the genetic lottery

Looks, far from being unimportant, are very important, very important not to be fooled by, not to be distracted by. Use your inherent advantage, don't waste it.


If a guy says 'I only date hot chicks' what do you think of him? Not much?

Works the other way too.

This makes no sense because different people have different types and fetishes. I've also met plenty of evil "ugly" (in my opinion) guys and lots of very sweet "attractive" (in my opinion) guys.

i also don't think I've ever met a girl that walks around saying "I only date hot guys!" Maybe "I only date men who are attractive to me" but that's true with every member of our species except gold diggers maybe.

I do t even understand the implication here. I mean a lot of us grew up not very cute and then turned to plastic surgery and new beauty techniques so it's not like all of us have had to rely on our looks and therefore never developed in other areas (intellectually, etc). Beauty goes far beyond the physical.

DeathAndTaxes
12-16-2016, 12:41 AM
This makes no sense because different people have different types and fetishes. I've also met plenty of evil "ugly" (in my opinion) guys and lots of very sweet "attractive" (in my opinion) guys.

Bitterness is like rust, it really eats away at any personality and leaves barren husks behind you barely want to think about much less date. I know that when I figured out how social interactions worked, that I knew had to avoid bitterness at all costs and just have fun, that same positive halo would envelop everyone around me.



i also don't think I've ever met a girl that walks around saying "I only date hot guys!" Maybe "I only date men who are attractive to me" but that's true with every member of our species except gold diggers maybe.


Golddiggers find that gold to be very attractive though. I don't know why this conversation has to run in circles, people go for what they find attractive asking for anything else is just unethical and a waste of everybody's time. I have only met one girl that literally could have had it all but went from undergraduate to marriage, I don't know specifically what she found attractive but damn she was desperate to settle down (with anyone!) so early for some reason despite being really beautiful and a sexual libertine. (And for the record it was not me that drove her to the pit of despair ;) we never were together). Lets see what the future brings for her.

We had a rabbit like you
12-16-2016, 08:55 AM
Oh, I took what he said to mean that you shouldn't ONLY have looks be your priority and should find someone you're attracted to who is also good for you..which is what I hope most ppl do. there were a few times I only picked a guy cause he was cute AF, like the last fuckboy I had a fling with, didn't turn out too great obviously..no substance or depth to him, just a great smile and pecs. Lmao. Really stupid of me looking back. But yeah you also won't be fulfilled w someone you are not attracted to, not in a sexual/romantic relationship. You need both.

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-16-2016, 11:29 AM
Oh, I took what he said to mean that you shouldn't ONLY have looks be your priority and should find someone you're attracted to who is also good for you..which is what I hope most ppl do. there were a few times I only picked a guy cause he was cute AF, like the last fuckboy I had a fling with, didn't turn out too great obviously..no substance or depth to him, just a great smile and pecs. Lmao. Really stupid of me looking back. But yeah you also won't be fulfilled w someone you are not attracted to, not in a sexual/romantic relationship. You need both.

Isn't that... common sense? And what everyone does when it comes to actually wanting a relationship?

DeathAndTaxes
12-16-2016, 12:33 PM
The only thing I will add is that millennial women are far far more visual than Gen-X, my guess is that the Generation Z will have the exact same body expectations men have for women. The reason male stripping is not more common is because millennial women with disposable income are roughly only 5-10% of the population while men with disposable income are probably 40-45%.

This is what the common attitude was back then


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9v8hcAezkk

We had a rabbit like you
12-16-2016, 02:08 PM
Isn't that... common sense? And what everyone does when it comes to actually wanting a relationship?

It should be common sense but for men the hotness factor seems to be paramount so maybe he figured it was like that for females too, idk.

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-16-2016, 03:16 PM
It should be common sense but for men the hotness factor seems to be paramount so maybe he figured it was like that for females too, idk.

Idk I just feel like this is all common sense lol. Of course men are attracted to hot women and it's because, like I said, most men are not looking for a relationship unless she has all these mega qualities (hot, fit, all his fetishes, high paid or respected vanilla, always happy and fun, lots of exotic hobbies, and again all his fetishes), otherwise he's just going to hook up with you and not tell you that you're not a good fit most of the time.

I don't think most women are like that though. While a lot like casual things, I don't think any purposely seek out men they find to have the hottest body around and that's the sole reason they're interested. I mean I'm sure it happens but I don't think women are really wired to be like that. Women are more wired to be interested in his interests and personality as equally (or even more than) his looks because we are just wired to be that way.

buttonpop
12-16-2016, 04:15 PM
I'm actually more suspicious of men who date people they don't think are hot. It makes me feel like they're so desperate for pussy or company they don't even care what the girl looks like and it decreases MY value if I'm with a guy who will date literally anybody. That being said, people should (and do) date people they find attractive, that doesn't mean they will be "hot" by societies standards, but only their own personal standards/type/fetishes/likes. I guess sometimes people do date for "arm candy" (both men and women) and want someone the rest of the world will acknowledge is hot, which I agree is a wrong. I dont think this is common though. Don't confuse that for women who want to date someone they're attracted to. Its pretty well accepted that men pursue women they find hot, so women should be allowed that same privilege. Women like to be attracted to the people they're fucking. Denying that is to deny women's sexuality entirely.


The only thing I will add is that millennial women are far far more visual than Gen-X, my guess is that the Generation Z will have the exact same body expectations men have for women. ]

I think you're right, I think younger generations are having higher expectations for men's appearances. I think this has to do with progressing gender norms.

Studies have shown that women find 80% of men actively unattractive. Because gender norms have shamed men who put in effort into their appearance (men call other men gay/metro for putting in effort, men's fashion is very limited, men can't wear makeup and even skin care is often shamed for men), very few men resist these norms and put effort into their appearance (or are naturally gifted with looks) and therefore very few men are attractive. Meanwhile women are expected to put in about 10x the minimum effort to even appear clean and hygenic than men are.... and therefore a MUCH higher percentage of women are considered attractive. Women also have MANY more socially accepted methods to improve their attractiveness-- everything from diverse fashion choices to makeup, skincare, shaving, more diverse accepted hairstyles that could flatter more faces, hair removal, etc.

Millennial men are less homophobic and less conformed by strict gender roles, therefore more and more millennial men are choosing to improve their appearance through skincare/better hygene/ more flattering haircuts and facial hair/better fashion/ etc. Unfortunately the more we normalize more beauty improvement options for men, the higher the standards are for all men including those who don't want to participate, which is the exact problem women have (like women being called "unprofessional" for not wearing makeup, women being expected to shave, etc).

Millennial women are finally rebelling against this bullshit requirement that says women must put in tons of effort to their appearance, that values women SOO MUCH on their attractiveness, and yet lets 80% of men get by and have relationships, careers, and lives without putting any fucking effort into their appearance at all. Millennial women are tired of dating ugly dudes because not enough men put in effort to look good.

I welcome higher standards for men.

Older generations of women only dealt with men's failure to be attractive because they literally had no choice, only 20% of men were attractive and so most women had to settle for men who had other good qualities instead. That's how this narrative that women are (or should be) more interested in personality/job/etc came about, and this same narrative demonized the women who sought after the 20% instead--- even though thats exactly what men do (except men can fulfill this desire because way more women are attractive). Its a double standard.

Gia2608
12-16-2016, 05:27 PM
millennial women with disposable income are roughly only 5-10% of the population while men with disposable income are probably 40-45%.



Don't disagree about changing attitudes about body perception; but whose asshole did you pull this statistic out of? Also, that's not at all why male strippers are not more popular. You seem to ignore the fact that childless gay men tend to have quite a bit of disposable income and also like male strippers so that kills your theory. Women are not as visually stimulated as men are either which probably has a lot to do with it. I personally find the way male strippers move contrived and unattractive but that is just IMO.

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-16-2016, 05:49 PM
Don't disagree about changing attitudes about body perception; but whose asshole did you pull this statistic out of? Also, that's not at all why male strippers are not more popular. You seem to ignore the fact that childless gay men tend to have quite a bit of disposable income and also like male strippers so that kills your theory. Women are not as visually stimulated as men are either which probably has a lot to do with it. I personally find the way male strippers move contrived and unattractive but that is just IMO.

Exactly. Women aren't that visual (hence why we are into personality so much). But promiscuity and visualness is HUGE in the gay community so obviously a lack of male strip clubs has nothing to do with what that guy said.

And I don't even think a lot of women are attracted to stereotypical male strippers. I know I'm not. I don't even like the look of muscles and hairless men freak me out. Gay men are though, which is why every gay club in existence has male gogo dancers that look like male strippers, and many play gay porn in the background. There's no market for male strip clubs because gay men can easily get sex and women find male strip clubs very cheesy.

DonaDiabla
12-16-2016, 06:09 PM
I am not disputing the generational changes. However, male strippers are more popular with gay and bisexual men than most women. Most women are not as visual as men. On a side note, I love male strippers because I am a visual woman and like men who are very handsome. However, I love very thin men and tons of male strippers do not fit that body mold.Culturally, I was taught that women should always value men's looks as much as you value his culture, religious background, income, personality, and etc.So, I am not like most women in that respect.


The only thing I will add is that millennial women are far far more visual than Gen-X, my guess is that the Generation Z will have the exact same body expectations men have for women. The reason male stripping is not more common is because millennial women with disposable income are roughly only 5-10% of the population while men with disposable income are probably 40-45%.

This is what the common attitude was back then


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9v8hcAezkk

Bahuba
12-16-2016, 06:35 PM
I'm going to post a longer post but before DJOser moves this thread or it gets to 100 pages...

Speaking to you MissAP as I know you on here, you strike me as reasonable, kind, considerate, real, and intelligent. You have a ton of sense and you seem mentally strong. You might say I don't really know you and you'd be right, but the small amount of perspective I have will let me say you are unique and you might not want to use "standard" methods.

Why would you want someone to commit to you that is going to be terrible for you? He needs to be worthy of you and appreciate who you really are.

Speaking for me personally, I always know a monogamous relationship is coming when I have what I'll call "couple moments". The start of a road trip, or boarding an international flight. The holidays, walking through the crowds and looking at decorations. The first time she sees me with a cold, and she steps up.

But really it is when I feel protective of her. When the thought of her in pain hurts me. So many of the people on here are so fiercely independent. If you can let a man genuinely care about you, that's when monogamy starts.

DeathAndTaxes
12-16-2016, 08:09 PM
I don't know if I can link this so just google cowboys4angels.

This male escort service that is 100% exclusively heterosexual.

Again attitudes are changing rapidly, don't believe me? check out these strip shows for yourselves the audience is almost all millenial women, gay men have their own subculture completely separate nowadays.

http://screenrant.com/magic-mike-xxl-96-percent-female-audience/

Magic Mike XXL had a 96% female audience.

Still hugs for you girls that are still looking, don't lose hope you have an advantage over almost all women out there. Not just assuming looks, but also because you can cold approach, you can literally "choose" your man instead of pining from afar, that is huge trust me.

Gia2608
12-16-2016, 09:14 PM
MagicMike is a movie and I am sure there is an escort service for women. I am going to guess before I click on the link it is probably in Dallas or somewhere where a lot of WOMEN have... dut dun dun dunt DISPOSABLE INCOME.

Ok, spoiler alert... it came with a Fort Lauderdale number. So either they are using location service or they are here?? Also, there is a reality show surrounding this so it seems like it is semi-scripted. Who is going to go on TV and admit to hiring a hooker?

Also, why are we talking about all of this nonsense? The OP was asking about getting a man to commit. I am not sure how much help any of these answers were but I hope she any anyone else looking for this type of advice got something from this thread.

whirlerz
12-16-2016, 10:03 PM
MagicMike is a movie and I am sure there is an escort service for women. I am going to guess before I click on the link it is probably in Dallas or somewhere where a lot of WOMEN have... dut dun dun dunt DISPOSABLE INCOME.

Ok, spoiler alert... it came with a Fort Lauderdale number. So either they are using location service or they are here?? Also, there is a reality show surrounding this so it seems like it is semi-scripted. Who is going to go on TV and admit to hiring a hooker?:rotfl:

Also, why are we talking about all of this nonsense? The OP was asking about getting a man to commit. I am not sure how much help any of these answers were but I hope she any anyone else looking for this type of advice got something from this thread.

:thanx::argue:^^^:beat:

victoriavein
12-17-2016, 08:38 PM
I'm going to post a longer post but before DJOser moves this thread or it gets to 100 pages...

Speaking to you MissAP as I know you on here, you strike me as reasonable, kind, considerate, real, and intelligent. You have a ton of sense and you seem mentally strong. You might say I don't really know you and you'd be right, but the small amount of perspective I have will let me say you are unique and you might not want to use "standard" methods.

Why would you want someone to commit to you that is going to be terrible for you? He needs to be worthy of you and appreciate who you really are.

Speaking for me personally, I always know a monogamous relationship is coming when I have what I'll call "couple moments". The start of a road trip, or boarding an international flight. The holidays, walking through the crowds and looking at decorations. The first time she sees me with a cold, and she steps up.

But really it is when I feel protective of her. When the thought of her in pain hurts me. So many of the people on here are so fiercely independent. If you can let a man genuinely care about you, that's when monogamy starts.

This is true. Most men won't commit if you can't be vulnerable to him. Not in the beginning, but when he earns it. Also I think men decide very quickly if you're a keeper or not. If you ever have a "where is this going?" conversation then monogamy probably isn't gonna happen with that guy. He should be the one to start that conversation, start calling you his girlfriend, whatever. ALL my LTR were like that. If you're the one pushing it, even if you stay together you'll end up as the place holder gf that he keeps around while he waits for 'the one.' Just something I noticed. Like those girls who are with their boyfriends for 10, 15, 20 years without a ring and sometimes even miss out on their chance to have kids (if they wanted kids.) No way in hell would I stand for that, sorry. If I like the guy and he isn't committing to me on his own after a month or two, and doesn't see how awesome I am, I move on. (Or I did before I got married.) I just moved on from the less serious guys before they waste my time. If I ever am single again, like my husband dies or something (god forbid) I would do the same. I don't care how old, ugly and withered up I become. Men see you the way you see yourself.

Also if you go out believing all guys are assholes, or all they want is pussy that's what you get. If you go out thinking there are a lot of great guys out there and they are all dying to be your bf then that's what you get. Maybe this requires meditation or therapy or something to undo a lot of old programming. I don't know.

fbsmgirl
12-18-2016, 06:35 PM
This is true. Most men won't commit if you can't be vulnerable to him. Not in the beginning, but when he earns it. Also I think men decide very quickly if you're a keeper or not. If you ever have a "where is this going?" conversation then monogamy probably isn't gonna happen with that guy. He should be the one to start that conversation, start calling you his girlfriend, whatever. ALL my LTR were like that. If you're the one pushing it, even if you stay together you'll end up as the place holder gf that he keeps around while he waits for 'the one.' Just something I noticed. Like those girls who are with their boyfriends for 10, 15, 20 years without a ring and sometimes even miss out on their chance to have kids (if they wanted kids.) No way in hell would I stand for that, sorry. If I like the guy and he isn't committing to me on his own after a month or two, and doesn't see how awesome I am, I move on. (Or I did before I got married.) I just moved on from the less serious guys before they waste my time. If I ever am single again, like my husband dies or something (god forbid) I would do the same. I don't care how old, ugly and withered up I become. Men see you the way you see yourself.

Also if you go out believing all guys are assholes, or all they want is pussy that's what you get. If you go out thinking there are a lot of great guys out there and they are all dying to be your bf then that's what you get. Maybe this requires meditation or therapy or something to undo a lot of old programming. I don't know.
I love this post so much. Thanks for this!

Velveteen.Rabbit
12-19-2016, 01:54 PM
The best thing to do is to avoid living in well-known major cities because the only people who can afford those and want to create a life there have Peter Pan syndrome or are married to their careers.

Otherwise, the type of men is going to significantly vary by region because value systems and thus personality type are going to be completely different from one region to another.

RyanXO
12-27-2016, 01:25 PM
Velveteen rabbit banned?

Gia2608
12-27-2016, 01:36 PM
I literally JUST did a double take on that as well. I guess I missed whatever happened. Maybe SW can do like facebook and do temp. bans for lessor offenses?

DonaDiabla
12-27-2016, 01:47 PM
IDK, I think that SW's bans are pretty spot on for the most part. Also, I think they do some temp bans.:)


I literally JUST did a double take on that as well. I guess I missed whatever happened. Maybe SW can do like facebook and do temp. bans for lessor offenses?

oldster
12-28-2016, 12:34 PM
Noticed that, think it was a different thread that caused the trouble, nothing outrageous in this one

fbsmgirl
12-29-2016, 09:25 AM
Velveteen rabbit banned?

Sad. She was my favorite poster. :/