View Full Version : My boyfriend keeps showing me a picture of this other girl- ladies, what does it mean
StrangeSiren
01-09-2017, 02:15 PM
I said I'm starting to lose hope in our relationship. He got upset and said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I dropped it, but I am not forgetting yet.
Is it still true that you're doubting his love for you, feeling troubled about the quality of your relationship, etc?
If so, in what other ways is he giving you cause for concern?
I'm willing to bet that if your relationship was stellar in every other sense, this thing about the other woman's picture would roll right off without bothering you.
In the relationship in general, what's going on between you and him emotionally?
miss.a.p1600
01-09-2017, 03:17 PM
See I wouldn't bother with a guy like that. I've dated assholes but they made it clear as day what they were, it was I that chose to ignore it because I was desperate for love and...dick. I didn't feel worthy enough for a good guy so I routinely went for "bad boys". I thought all guys played games until I started meeting men that treated me exceptionally well. It's weird because I didn't know what a good relationship was until I had one. I used to think all men were liars and out to get me and that it was cute to play games because it meant that he liked me. It wasn't until i changed some of my behaviors that I started meeting good men.
A man that is into you will communicate with you his feelings to you. If he's feeling insecure about the relationship, he'll communicate it directly not by using boundary testing crap. You know how they say weed is a gateway drug? Boundary testing is a gateway to more bullshit. Every relationship is supposed to be fun - filled with laughter, jokes..etc but not at your expense. It's like the woman that says he beats me so that means he loves me and he's really into me, it's crazy talk but they genuinely believe that.
Let's drink to being more self aware and attracting good men in 2017.
So true. But I'm not sure men are as good communicating their thoughts/feelings, especially the younger ones, as women are.
And what I'm thinking of is say for example her bf is not a "bad boy" but more along the lines of just clueless or trying to get a gauge of what she's cool with. Like maybe this is his first serious relationship and he's not intentionally trying to hurt her he just don't know that talking/bragging about other women while you have a gf is a huge no no (especially for her).
This would be the time for her to assert her boundaries and say she's not cool with that.
When a relationship is new you don't know what the boundaries are so you're just being/doing. And sometimes it's not until after something has happened that you have to apply the boundary.
It's not like he's going to be like hey babe if I show you pics of other women are you going to freak out or be turned on? No he's just going to show the pic then proceed from there. If she freaks out then he will apologize, if she's cool with it then he'll try to set up a threesome. I do think his response after was shitty like instead of apologizing he just shut down. So that's a flag there.
On the other end is the "bad boys" / pick up artists / narcissist who INTENTIONALLY introduce other women directly or indirectly as a game playing tactic.
Violethollywood
01-10-2017, 03:20 PM
Violethollywood,
What a creep. A whole photo album of you on his phone?? That's too much lol.
DUDE I KNOW. He used an app that was like a photo album with a passcode on it and when you came across it, it looked like a weather app or something if i remember right,
OHITSRIRI
01-19-2017, 02:16 AM
to me this just sounds like a childish game. a petty one at that. he's likely pushing your boundaries to see how far he can go. personally i'd kick his ass to the curb.
SnuffleUffleGrass
01-19-2017, 10:56 AM
I think you should make him squirm & ask if he's stalking her. See what he says lol
MistressX
01-21-2017, 08:14 PM
Dump him. i've been in this situation. it never ends well... 5 months together? you can do better than this dickhead.
Camillauk
01-22-2017, 12:15 PM
I dated a guy for a very short amount of time and he told me he only goes for blondes but sometimes brunettes. I sent him photos when I used to have blonde hair (I am dark naturally) and I think blonde suited me at the time. This guy said its too fake, I look better natural, he preferred me with dark hair. It got to the point he was arguing with me over silly petty things and tried to make me insecure and just wasn't going to put up with that sort of behaviour so I ended it with him.
I would say he is trying to make you feel insecure he might of liked her but she maybe never of liked him in that way. Call his bluff and say "why don't you go and visit her and see how she is?" then see his reaction. You be the one in charge calling the shots and say something like "I am independent I don't really need a guy, I pay my own bills and rent, if you are interested in seeing her, go ahead, it's not like we are married lol" something on those lines, then he will know you are on to his silly games! LOL
buttonpop
01-22-2017, 07:55 PM
I have a different perspective on this situation, I could definitely be wrong but I thought I'd chime in.
This sounds like something I did to my ex boyfriend, which I did to try and not hurt his feelings, which I'll explain.
I wanted my boyfriend to start dressing better because his sense of fashion was wack and had no cohesion, it was a bunch of different random things all put together. I would show him pictures of other guys in order to gauge his reaction about their fashion and try to hint that he should dress more like their style. The people in the pictures were irrelevant, I wasn't interested in them I just wanted my boyfriend to dress more like them. I didn't want to outright tell him his fashion sucked because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. In the end, it was the wrong thing to do, he never got the hint & I grew resentful about it, but it did come from a good place of not wanting to hurt him. I ended up just telling him that his wardrobe needed an upgrade, which DID hurt his feelings majorly but he needed to hear it and he followed my advice and dresses 100x better now and is happy about it.
Maybe your dude is doing the same thing. He probably likes something about how this girl dresses or does her hair and makeup and is hoping you'll get the hint. He doesn't want to outright say it because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. I don't think cheating is a real concern. I understand how it can be seen as manipulative to do this, but it can also totally be coming from a good place.
just my two cents.
DeathAndTaxes
01-22-2017, 10:24 PM
^
This is really sweet but really really unlikely. So unlikely that I would eat a hat if this were the case.
I may be stereotyping, but this comes from decades of observation. Straight guys have no fucking clue about women's hair, makeup, and fashion. I still have no fucking clue and have given it cursory thought. I *think* *I* dress sharp, but only because I just follow the idea of buying clothes that fit, and avoiding the faux pas. But that is the full extent of my knowledge.
I mean clearly she has to communicate with her SO.
KikiGem
01-23-2017, 08:17 AM
Thanks for the replies. I didn't know or else I would have responded sooner. Well, no, she's not a threat. She's nowhere near. It's the mental stuff, whatever is going on inside his head that I still don't get. I've moved on in a way, but I'll be honest - ive been pulling away. I lost a lot of faith in our relationship after this happened and I can't help that. It's the way it is. I've stopped trying anything sexually, and I don't even really touch him anymore. I'm not going to be somebody's vessel while they're thinking about someone else.
It's for the better actually. I feel free to relax and do my own thing now
missykrissy
01-23-2017, 08:25 AM
hugs Kiki...
I think this is a form of manipulation. He wants you to doubt yourself.
I think this would be called "avoidant attachment" in psychological talk. It won't get better.
KikiGem
01-23-2017, 08:30 AM
Thanks, I don't think it will which is why I am not putting anymore effort into this relationship. I kind of see it as the beginning of the end. I pressed him for answers, and had he been honest, maybe. But it's still a mystery what's going on in his head, and I just don't like that. So mentally I am checking out because I refuse to allow this guy to hurt me. I'm just busy looking out for myself and doing my thing.
It's shitty but I'm so wary of guys. Having been a dancer I know how they are. Plus, just because he agreed to stop showing me doesn't mean he stopped looking! So whatever, he can have me or the picture, not both. But actually, I think he blew his chance with me. Thanks for all the replies.
persianprincess
01-23-2017, 09:20 AM
^^^^ I totally agree, it's like ... he probably is still stalking her page for new pics or looking at the old ones. Trust your gut .. something is telling you to pull away and it's not for no good reason.
Ifyouseekamy
02-01-2017, 04:23 AM
I don't know you or your relationship, but sound like he's asshole. Do you show him picture of other guys? Do you talk about your clients? (I'm not talking about venting or talking about your day). I mean do you tell him about giving other guys lap dances for shits and giggles? No! Either he's intentionally being an asshole or he's just stupid. Either way you deserve better.
ShyStripper
02-03-2017, 11:42 AM
I really wouldn't jump to conclusions.
One, maybe he likes girls who look like Katy Perry and he wants to hint you should get bangs
Two, maybe he's trying to suss out if you would be open to playing with another girl. Either just the two of you or as a threesome. He might just be turned on by you saying that she's sexy so that he can fantasize about you and another woman. Maybe he thinks showing you a picture of a porn star would make you mad, or make you think he wants you to look like a barbie doll.
My partner and I have an open relationship. When we go to strip clubs he gives me money to tip the girls so they will flirt with me and isn't interested in them himself. Guys love lesbians
Rispy_Girl
02-03-2017, 11:59 AM
Maybe he just hit a point where he's really comfortable with you. All my guy friends and my husband show me pics of women they find attractive. I'm bi, so I can comment on how I think the girl looks and share the enjoyment of the picture. They even try to actor some of what they share to my visual tastes. He could be doing this. Honestly I find most guys are less manipulative than girls and it's easy to read too much into their words and actions.