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carmen_b
12-07-2019, 04:44 PM
With new M there are some more red flags I'm choosing to ignore ( just in the spirit of full honesty ). I kind of caught him talking " over " me yesterday. That is something to note ( it's a behavioral trait my ex started to develop in 2017/2018 and I find it very hurtful ). BUT .... he was drinking at the time . Eh. We will see. He gets hyper and likes to hear himself talk like ALL successful people it seems like haha.

miss.a.p1600
12-07-2019, 05:10 PM
^my aunt does that. Annoying!

I just keep talking louder or I be like “as I was saying before you interrupted...” lol

But yeah perhaps that was just the liquor or that can be changed

carmen_b
12-07-2019, 05:12 PM
^ Yes. You sometimes have to be SO aggressive to correct it. There were a couple moments where it got bad. I couldn't get a word in BUT it was a short duration / boozy time. I do fumble in those moments. When I get cut off I forget even if I have good feed back. With my ex I would fight back hard and just point it out sometimes. It hard though because you can't fight back EVERY time. It looks like you are being weird.

It's just something I know I have a hard time with / will need to navigate.

miss.a.p1600
12-07-2019, 05:37 PM
Yeah something similar

this new guy called me “dude” a couple of times

And I let it slide but the third time I had to correct him because I didn’t want him trying to subconsciously friend zone me

He was like “dang it’s just a figure of speech don’t be so hard on me lol”

But I did make sure to throw in something flirty in there to kind of counteract the “critique”

miss.a.p1600
12-07-2019, 05:38 PM
I’ll be embellishing the truth about my weekends. I hate to lie but hell girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

lurkingtitties
12-08-2019, 11:22 AM
Carmen I think it's great that you recognize the potential red flags of better M basically moving you in right away. My last serious relationship started the exact same way right down to him buying me new clothes after 3 days straight of us hanging out on our first date. He lived a couple hours away, was supposed to be moving to a new place but decided to move to my town instead after us only knowing each other for a few weeks. I had never experienced anything like that and it made me fall head over heels...things didn't work out in the end. For a long time afterwards I ruminated on how things might have turned out differently if we had taken things slower at first.

carmen_b
12-08-2019, 12:59 PM
^ Ive talked to him about what I want to create ( something sustainable ). I think we have a better shot at it if I don’t move in right away. Letting a new person in is a BIG step in routine change and also just because new relationships need time to breathe. I need time to breathe and miss my partner ( introvert ).

I think we have something very very special here but a move in is not the right solution quite yet. I’ve escaped the snowy castle haha. I was there 5 days.
It was just really nice in a way. He drove me everywhere + picked all the places we went. Last night was fun. We stumbled on a Santa pub crawl.

seashell
12-09-2019, 02:39 PM
Ugh... I don't know what happened tonight. I had a really nice time with R (we drove all the way to the beach and went to a really nice restaurant), but then when he was about to drop me off, he really wanted to come into my apartment. I just... can't do that. I have a one bedroom apartment and two energetic dogs, that needed to be fed/walked/etc. I freaking hate it when people don't understand that responsibility.

So we made out in his car, then drove around the city a bit. He kept trying to feel me up. I just... am not that interested in sleeping around. I can find some hot guy to fuck, any day of the week. I'm hanging out with R because he seems like a nice guy most of the time, he has a great job... but I don't want to just sleep with him the third time we've hung out. Maybe that's normal. It's not normal for me. I've made all of my past boyfriends WORK for it... they had to wine and dine me, get to know me, put in some effort.

I was getting really annoyed with his attempts to convince me to sleep with him (he even suggested getting a hotel), so I told him that I didn't like the way he was pushing me, and I left. He tried to give me some fruit from his family's garden, but I was so frustrated I just said I didn't want it. I feel really bad now, I've really put him through a lot. But I don't want to fuck him. I don't want to spend every day with him. I have a life!

He texted me with just a heart emoji, just now. I don't know what to do. I really liked him, two hours ago.

miss.a.p1600
12-09-2019, 03:03 PM
^Did you tell him you liked him and that’s why you wanted to wait a bit?

Sorry to hear but in the tinder era most guys (especially the younger ones) are going for sex in 1-2 dates. Then they assume you aren’t interested if you turn them down. If you like them but turn them down in a way that conveys you’re still interested/want to wait to see where things go then they think you either view them as boyfriend material or using them for dates/attention/etc.

But yeah he should have read your non verbal signals and let you lead

miss.a.p1600
12-09-2019, 03:58 PM
https://youtu.be/5t9wRMC9sIEHere is a video detailing how guys (mainly younger ones) are aiming for sex as fast as possible.....don’t give it to them lol!!! IF you’re not ready or want to Increase chances of longer term relationships happening

miss.a.p1600
12-09-2019, 04:00 PM
IF you like the guy, How to tell him you’re not having sex without tearing his ego to shreds


https://youtu.be/z0kHcJBSgjI

miss.a.p1600
12-09-2019, 07:14 PM
https://youtu.be/aiUD0z8fK9o

miss.a.p1600
12-09-2019, 09:23 PM
Okay so I'm going out of town in a couple of weeks to the managers house and the new guy mentioned he was concerned about my safety and said he was going to make some bag of items i could use to protect myself with and then he was like just some to my house instead.

Well my pull back plan failed today and we ended up talking for like 45 min and he ended the conversation.

Pull Back plan for rest of the week is to end the conversation before he does.

Self! You cannot be this thirsty for conversations....just promptly end the shit next time geez

seashell
12-10-2019, 02:31 AM
^Aww, it's good that you have chemistry though! He sounds sweet, caring about your safety.

That advice video is really helpful.

carmen_b
12-10-2019, 01:35 PM
I'm back at the snow castle.
I like that we kind of help each other with things ( moving tasks forward to move the work day faster ). I haven't really had that " blended " energy with anyone and I just dig that we can strategize our day as a team even though it's so early in things.

I have a UTI . ;(
Damn it.
I plan to stay just a couple days this time not 5 haha.

miss.a.p1600
12-10-2019, 09:43 PM
I did it! Ended conversation twice in a week so far. AND this last conversation was 15 min. Talked about my travel plans and noticed a bit of emotion come out of him.

I did it. Now just gotta end the remaining 75% of the convos and insert a few more fun interesting details of my life. And keep the conversations short n sweet.

Gradual pull back = successful so far

carmen_b
12-11-2019, 12:27 PM
I feel blah today. I miss my city life a bit.

This place is just 35 minutes east of the city and I just miss my ameneties ( my " places " ). I am just not familiar with anything and feel lost today. I need yoga, a nail place, a gym, a coworking space. That's a lot of stuff to find to maximize comfort.

Anyway ..... probably the anti - biotic blahs . I feel so gross today and should probably just leave and come back when more healed up .

miss.a.p1600
12-11-2019, 09:09 PM
So I think he asked to see me but it wasn’t definite plans.

*sigh*

First he asked me to teach him something...I just said whenever you have time (idk trying to seem like I didn’t care ... really I don’t - well maybe just a little)

Then we talked about donuts and which place had the best ones and I said I was going to find the place he recommended and go there. He said we should go try some donuts sometime even though he’s not a sweets person.

No day or time but at least he’s thinking about it and I do want a daytime meet

So at least it’s a start

miss.a.p1600
12-11-2019, 09:11 PM
I keep going back n forth about dating other people or not

I wonder if I should get back on the dating app I met the old dude on (scared he might see my profile active if he’s back active on there) or should I do it organically or should I just focus on work, myself, my passions

seashell
12-12-2019, 10:30 AM
^Focusing on yourself is always good! I think taking part in your passions and hobbies is also a great way to meet people organically.

The English backpacker guy, that I had a one night stand with, has been texting me on occasion. Today he asked for my address to send me a postcard, lol. I wish we didn't live so far away, he was super cool, really funny and positive.

Also, K came over a couple of days ago, and yet again... he is sooooo good in bed. SO GOOD. And he still texts me every day. I don't know what's up with these Albanian guys, they're such fuckboys, but the most caring of fuckboys.

carmen_b
12-12-2019, 12:00 PM
^ Its so nice to have a skilled lover.

:)

carmen_b
12-12-2019, 12:01 PM
I’m back in my city.
Sometimes I still want to travel which seems to weird since I have exactly what I want now .
I think my mind just needs more time. My life was built to avoid winter but we kind of have something too good to consider staying even through winter. :/

miss.a.p1600
12-12-2019, 01:46 PM
^ Its so nice to have a skilled lover.

:)

I gotta get me one too! I keep fantasizing about it so I’m looking forward to experiencing this in real life VERY soon

I may create a thread on this topic

carmen_b
12-12-2019, 04:02 PM
I'm running into an issue. I need to keep my work hours protected.

I was happy to do some things for him for 2-3 hours a day last week as well as use my contact list which MOVES projects FAST.
I was ok to offer this help for a few days ( especially when you factor in the heavy spoiling ).
Now I feel like I need to protect my time to not fall behind in my own work .
If I don't close sales in the next 7 days in my own gig I need to go dance on the sly.

The way I have handled it so far is to give him a couple hours of a my time a day and then send him assistants or other people to fill in what he needs.
He has been good about paying who I send.
I do NOT want to go back to having no romance but I need my time ( not just for work but for self care , family , and downtime as well ).

He was joking yesterday about " being avail. 24/7 " and I giggled . There is a number for that we could meet at. If he wants a full time assistant he needs to give an allowance. ;)

carmen_b
12-14-2019, 01:43 PM
He was arguing with his ex on the phone . It’s a complex issue because she took his child ( 3 years old ) to CA.
But ... he seemed to be insistent she be there ( in his town ) and that seems very weird trying to insist where an ex live instead of coming to 50% visitation terms.

carmen_b
12-15-2019, 06:55 PM
Leaning towards breaking it off.....

miss.a.p1600
12-15-2019, 07:14 PM
^why though?

It’s probably cheaper to keep the kid in the same town. Otherwise he’d have to come up with money for travel to see the kid in addition to the basic child support.

carmen_b
12-15-2019, 07:37 PM
^ Yeah , maybe.

He was being kind of weird last time but it’s a high stress / crucial phase of business.
He wants the AirBnB running .
He needs to stop making little repairs / changes and just start selling ( in my opinion ).

Maybe I should give it some time.
I found it weird he referenced possibly moving towards no condoms but he didn’t schedule his std testing.
He also threw this weird fit when I changed a sexual position ( I tried to move into face to face instead of doggie lol ). Instead of just laughing it off it he brought it in conversation. In my defense ..... I'm usually a submissive at least with him ..... but I had been on anti-biotics for the damn UTI and it had been 4-5 days since sex. I was craving the face to face thing / lots of skin contact. We ended up talking about it multiple times instead of just letting it go.

Maybe his high stress time is making him “ off “? I am not sure.....

EDIT :
I stepped away for a couple days and that was good ............
Now I feel more refreshed / break from his large project / more willing to see where it goes now.

carmen_b
12-16-2019, 10:53 AM
The separation plan / not living together plan is working for me. I've spent a couple days by myself and now feel refreshed. Hopefully it will continue to work for him . I would rather feel this way v.s. feeling overwhelmed.

carmen_b
12-16-2019, 06:10 PM
Plus .... 48 hours away.

I’m totally 100% expecting the D.

Ifyouseekamy
12-16-2019, 07:00 PM
Talking to my girlfriend about dating earlier today. I decided if I date in 2020, then I need a guy that’s gonna make it worth my time with vacations, dinners, and shopping. I’ve been the world’s best girlfriend and wife only to be used and abused. I’m not materialistic and I have a heart of gold, but I’m not letting guys use me up and discard me anymore. My intention isn’t to use men for money. My intention is to have an equal relationship that works for me. After all, money is just energy and love is energy. For now I’m done dating and focusing on my goals and self-love. At least next time I get horny for a guy, I at least have a game plan before I foolishly decide to waste my time and energy.

Lastly, if anyone tries to throw shade I’m gonna ask, “Is it okay for a guy to do it”? If so, then I’m gonna push back against this societal bullshit and do whatever feels right for me. If I feel like being a whore I’m gonna be whore. If I want to be celibate then I’m going to do that. What I’m NOT going to do is let society make me feel like my choices are invalid and that I should feel ashamed or inferior because I’m living life on my own terms and taking care of myself.

carmen_b
12-17-2019, 11:02 AM
It isn’t a bad plan . ^

My new M ( much more well off than previous M ) isn’t any more difficult to deal with.

I feel like dating well off people naturally means dating a busy / organized person which solves a lot of dating issues and headaches. They don’t have time for games so tend to be really organized and clear with how much time they can give and when .

I don’t think anyone will give you issues. Attractive women have been drawn to successful men since the dawn of time so I don’t really know what anyone would even say ! If anyone had the nerve to ask me , I’d just say M treats me + my dog really well which is true.

miss.a.p1600
12-17-2019, 11:38 AM
So true. Better to have something to show for it.

I just got harassed today buy a dusty zeta male regarding my standards

its really all a trick to make you lower your self esteem, and accept bare minimum from guys who are weak minded n lazy af

meanwhile they go on to marry the women who actually made them invest time, money, etc. So do what you do!


Talking to my girlfriend about dating earlier today. I decided if I date in 2020, then I need a guy that’s gonna make it worth my time with vacations, dinners, and shopping. I’ve been the world’s best girlfriend and wife only to be used and abused. I’m not materialistic and I have a heart of gold, but I’m not letting guys use me up and discard me anymore. My intention isn’t to use men for money. My intention is to have an equal relationship that works for me. After all, money is just energy and love is energy. For now I’m done dating and focusing on my goals and self-love. At least next time I get horny for a guy, I at least have a game plan before I foolishly decide to waste my time and energy.

Lastly, if anyone tries to throw shade I’m gonna ask, “Is it okay for a guy to do it”? If so, then I’m gonna push back against this societal bullshit and do whatever feels right for me. If I feel like being a whore I’m gonna be whore. If I want to be celibate then I’m going to do that. What I’m NOT going to do is let society make me feel like my choices are invalid and that I should feel ashamed or inferior because I’m living life on my own terms and taking care of myself.

miss.a.p1600
12-17-2019, 01:33 PM
I’ve done the unthinkable

Whilst losing my damn mind slowly over a guy I *almost* lost my celibacy to (and i and 89% certain it would have been orgasmic) and trying to end things so I don’t keep obsessing over him (because I think he’s still talking to his ex)

I decided to message my long time “friend”. Well okay he took me out on lots of nice dates in the past and even hinted at marriage but my dumb ass dropped the ball.

Well when I met the new guy....turns out they both work at same company and I’m about 75% certain they know each other.

I might look a bit scandalous if either one of them ever find out. Well actually not that bad cause I never fucked either one of them (but I did give a hand job lol to the longtime “friend” back when we were dating) so I guess a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do though.

Playing chess to win! I’m getting what I want and it’s going to happen quickly.

I liked the new dude but I won’t let anyone waste my youthful childbearing years. 3 weeks of him trying to stay relevant on my mind with no in person was too much

carmen_b
12-17-2019, 01:40 PM
He was definitely up to something sketchy if he didn't want to meet in person in three weeks.

I would just outright say something like " It's a bummer you didn't invite me out a few more times. I was hoping for things to move along / turn sexual ect. but the timing has past us now " haha .

miss.a.p1600
12-17-2019, 04:42 PM
^thanks carmen!

I’ll definitely say something to that effect.....IF he calls again. I’m definitely not reaching out to him. I think Not clarifying intentions sooner is what messed me up here and had me going crazy ranting on this forum trying to figure it all out

Oh well - the show must go on! I’m certain I’ll find better, hotter, richer.

Those two weeks were totally hot, i got a steamy 5 min makeout session, a glimpse of romance, and learned how I need to be more inquisitive about a guys intentions on the 1st date.

Ifyouseekamy
12-17-2019, 07:43 PM
It’s only a mistake if you didn’t learn from it. This year I learned the hard way, I need to Make a guy invest in me a lot before I even start to give a shit about him. Thank you, next.

miss.a.p1600
12-17-2019, 08:33 PM
^Yeah thats pretty much how I was with the old guy

The more they invest, the harder it is for them to walk away

He paid for every date, gave me money every now and then, offered to help me whenever I needed (and i probably complained a lot to him), and i could be myself around him but I was not sexually attracted to him at all - and he could tell. Idk if I should have kept him around or not but THAT is how a men should come correct to women of our stature

I usually get sexually attracted to the guys who are no good for me

Can't a lady have it all?

miss.a.p1600
12-17-2019, 10:10 PM
Alright y’all I’m back!

Sorry I be posting too much but.....

I just lined up a date with the coworker of that guy who I started liking but realized he tried to use me for free attention when he couldn’t use me for sex to help him get over that wolf looking ex.

I wasn’t trying to play any games at first but girls gotta do what girls gotta do.

I’ve been out with this guy before and i posted here about our last date a few months ago.

It’s next weekend

carmen_b
12-18-2019, 11:48 AM
^ Sorry that other dude faded. Could be ex / he could have gone a sexual direction with someone else ( it would actually be better he wasn't seeing you both if that was the case v.s. being sketchy ). Sorry it didn't work but you can't pull them along sometimes even with the best of efforts. :)

Good luck on the date.

It's so easy to get angry in these cases. I am still angry with former M for not treating better and trying harder and so angry at the aviator for wasting my time . Luckily I just don't have time to waste on bullshit so it is keeping me out of trouble. ;)

miss.a.p1600
12-18-2019, 12:12 PM
Lol!! I know right!

He text me some “good morning” today after 72 hours of no contact.

You have a good point. Which actually confirms my theory if guaranteed quick sex is all he wanted then he probably would rather spend his weekends with women who will fuck him with less effort/investment. That and/or he’s back communicating with that “ex”

But yeah I’m just going to focus on my guy friend for now. I have kind of been popping in and out of his life and acting like a fuckgirl to him so I’ll probably have to get serious if I want to keep him around.

miss.a.p1600
12-18-2019, 08:55 PM
He text me at 8 - "WYD"

I honestly did not feel like racking my brain trying to come up with something clever to entertain his low/minimal efforts anymore.

This will be my first time, not responding to him

I was hoping he'd call Monday so I could be honest with him .... but since I haven't talked to him in 3 days (the longest so far) I think he knows what's up.

Guess he will chose to ghost himself

carmen_b
12-19-2019, 05:44 PM
My fear of pregnancy reared it's head and made me paranoid about the condom breaking ( I swear something felt off ) . I sound like such a crazy person but I kind of followed him to make sure it was still on. He got pissed about the lack of privacy.
BUT ..... he didn't reassure me either. He could have been like " no , it's completely fine ". I am wondering if something is off with him because when I want safer sex reassurance he just doesn't reassure me much.

I do er on the paranoid side though so can be difficult to deal with admittedly.

I just feel stalled.
It could just be the speed of things . I've left the snow castle once again.

Today he didn't ask me to do anything related to the AirBnB which was refreshing hahaha.
You get drawn to someone ambitious and just *have to* accept that their schedule is not normal. The last few days we didn't leave the house at all in the evenings. I would leave to work and come back . I brought him dinner last night. It would have been nice to have a more official date night in those days but I realize it's a time of business pushing through for him . Next time, I'll encourage a more formal date the first date.

Three days at the snow castle. I've left to give us our break for 2-3 days. ;)

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 05:56 PM
im like that too

with stealthing n shit going on - im paranoid af!!!

When I'm fucking a new guy, I look every so often to make sure it's still on

Anyways you deserve to know so you had a right to do what you did

carmen_b
12-19-2019, 05:58 PM
I would like to think someone wouldn't dare do that.
I would consider it assault and press charges 100% but I do worry too about being buzzed / lack of judgement kicking in ect.

I am also considering it *somewhat* of a red flag that his ex just bailed and left the state stealth style ( 6 months ago ) with the kid. I could be jumping to conclusions here but it seems like that is what someone would do out of FEAR . I have heard them talk on the phone though ( his is not discreet and is on speaker often ) . She doesn't seem scared of him during those calls.
So I learned more about this whole thing too with that information. The AirBnB project was more like a " plan B ".
They were originally going to share costs on upper level of house and rent out the bottom half via traditional lease.

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 06:01 PM
better to be 'annoying' than sorry later

I'm probably annoying never taking it from the back and keeping my eyes open looking at the dick going in/out but eh! girls gotta do what a girls gotta do in the beginning

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 06:04 PM
yeah fear, raise the kid with minimal interference from him, or trying to hit him in the wallet

carmen_b
12-19-2019, 06:11 PM
My post probably has an air of paranoia but there are sweet moments too obviously.
We did have some time to snuggle and watch something funny last night ( back tickles make me melt ) .
I was having fears of the UTI being back ( I finished my meds last Sat . and we got back to business ).
I was fearing more anti-biotics.
He was checking in couple times today about it .

Dating an Italian has panned out exactly as planned ! More food and dick than you can possibly use ! Just like everyone says or you read !

Another thing that worries me is I just feel so fulfilled sexually ( for once having PLENTY of sex ) that I feel I have nothing left to give to sex work. I have had my club bag in the car for a week and it has just not happened.
I need to think about some things. ;/
I feel akward disclosing sex work but he knows some people in the industry ( back end finance side of porn world ) . He doesn't say anything "off". That person is a man though that he knows. So I still worry. We passed a strip club in the city one time and he was like " have you ever don't anything like that ? " I pretended to not hear him or just laughed.

miss.a.p1600
12-19-2019, 10:21 PM
^wow i can’t believe he asked you that. Maybe subconsciously he already has an idea?
Perhaps that “stripper swagger”

If anything I’ve had dudes confess THEIR dalliances in the adult industry .

And once I asked a dude has he ever been a stripper lol!!!

miss.a.p1600
12-20-2019, 09:38 AM
I feel like such a mega cunt right now because of the second guessing im having

so my old guy 'friend' who i set up a date with treats me mostly well and he is marriage minded/wants more kids (i think, ill have to ask him again) the only thing is I really want to be a stay-at-mom/work-from-home mom like I don't want a guy to *need* my income

I don't want to get his hopes up, have him end our 'friendship', and have him hate me for real if we start back dating but I realize our long-term goals are different. So learning from that last guy and in keeping with the themes of 'being on the same page' how do i approach this topic sooner rather than later? Or is this a topic you approach AFTER you're in a relationship? IDK this seems like dealbreaker type stuff